Forever and Always Book One and Book Two
by SammyGal123
Summary: This story is written as a "What If" story... Marian meets Anders during her time at the Circle of Magi as a teenager. Little do they know where their path is going to take them. It is a major WIP. It is rated M for later chapters. Reviews are welcome. DISCONTINUED
1. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 1

**Author's Note**

I will be resubmitting all my chapters for Forever and Always Volume I over the next week and hopefully within two weeks I will have submitted the rest of the chapters. After that I will submit the chapters for Forever and Always Volumes II, III and IV under this one because essentially it is one complete story. I have also started working on Volume V, but I won't be submitting any chapters for that just yet.

For those of you who are interested, I am also working on another story which sort of ties into this one but it is told from Merrill's point of view. The story is called **Healing Carver**.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters, locations and certain plotlines I may use from the _Dragon Age_ game, but I do own the story that I have built around the game.

Read and enjoy.

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><p><strong>Forever and Always Volume I <em>by SammyGal123<em>**

**Chapter 01**

**Lothering**

_**Marian**_

I frantically try to stamp out the fire I caused but it is proving to be difficult. The air is thick with smoke and I start choking. It is my own fault for showing off in front of the villagers and I know my father would be furious with me. I quickly draw on my mana and I release a wall of ice to prevent the fire from spreading out. I am in a small field not far from my home. I only wanted to show them a few fireballs and they were not that big, but it quickly went out of control as soon as the wind come up. I start panicking because the fire is closing in on me. I release another wall of ice, but I am not quick enough because my arm starts burning and with the last bit of my strength, I manage to bring the fire under control.I stumble my way to the fence clutching my arm and I plead for help, but the few remaining villagers back away from me. I met their eyes and they were full of contempt and loathing.

"Mages are dangerous and they should not be allowed to live free," an angry villager shouts. "We should report her to the Templars," he continues.

"No, it is an accident. I…I am-"I stammer when everyone parted and my father come striding towards me.

"You were what, Marian?" he asks and I cringe away from him. He is furious with me. His face is contorted with rage and his blue eyes were flashing.

"I…I…," I murmur as I look away from him. I don't know what to say and it doesn't seem to matter that I am injured.  
>"What do you know about it? I have no friends. No one wants to come near me. Is it my fault I was born a mage?" I ask.<p>

"Mari, no of course not. Be reasonable please?" he replies and I glare at him.

"Why should I be reasonable? Look at my arm, Father," I mutter. I press my hand against the wound and I try to heal it, but it does not work. I am too upset and it is affecting my concentration and my ability to use my magic.

"It is your own fault, but this is unacceptable. What are you trying to do? Are you trying to chase us away from Lothering, our home?" he asks. "And what do you gain from this?" he continues. I refuse to look at him. I am not achieving anything and I know it.I turned sixteen a couple of months ago and since then I had done everything I could possibly think of to make friends, but they did not want to come near me. A few weeks ago, I walked pass a group of teenagers and they were speaking about me. They said they feared me for being a mage and they felt I was dangerous. Since then I had blatantly squandered my gift of magic. Every opportunity I had, I cast spells around them. Today is no different.I craved the company of other teenagers and I am keen on a boy - Aaron. He is about the same age as me. He has a mop of black curly hair, emerald green eyes and he is extremely attractive. He was the one who looked at me a while ago with such hatred.

"What do you care, father?" I ask and I storm pass him.

"Marian, wait," he calls but I ignore. I kick open our gate and I stumble into my home with the tears pouring down my cheeks. My Mother is sitting at the desk staring out the window and I stumble towards her. Bethany and Carver stop what they are doing when they see me and they start crying. My Mother comes towards me. Her grey eyes are full of concern unlike my Father's angry flashing blue eyes.

"Mari, what happened?" she asks. "And your arm... Oh love, what did you do now?" she asks as she helps me sit down. I am aching all over and that is not because of the pain, it is because of the rejection of the village teenagers. She returns with Elfroot salve, a bandage and a basin of water.

"Why did you not heal yourself?" she asks as she starts cleaning my wound.

"I don't have the strength," I reply. I try to swallow the sob that is going to burst forth. She is being so gentle, but it is so sore. "Please stop," I whisper.

"Mari, I have to clean it. Please be patient," she says softly. "What did you do anyway? Your father went running out of the house mumbling something about a fire in the field adjacent to our home," she explains and I avoid her piercing gaze.

"Marian...Did you cause it?" she asks.

"Yes," I reply.

"Why? What has got into you, Marian? You have always being responsible, but since your birthday... Are you finding things difficult at the moment?" she asks.

I start crying again. "I...I don't have friends. No one wants to come near me and I am so lonely. I...I am also keen on Aaron," I explain and bite my lip. That sounded so immature.

"And he takes no notice of you?" she asks.

"He hates me, Mother. He looks at me with such hatred and I cannot stand it," I explain and I give a resigned sigh. I am being immature and I know it.

My father storms into the house."You should not be squandering your gift of magic, Marian. That does not excuse the fire you caused."

"Malcolm, please can you see to her arm?" my Mother asks. My father is an excellent healer. He has helped many injured or sick people in the village. He is a mage like me and he is an apostate - a mage living free of the Circle. According to Chantry Law, all mages are supposed to stay in the Circle Towers across Thedas because most people considered us as dangerous.

"No. She will learn from this. I am not going to heal her. Every time she looks at the scar it will remind her of her inappropriate behaviour," he replies.

I look away from him and I stare out of the window while my mother tends to my wound. I nearly smile when I feel a small hand on my arm.

"Mari, don't cry," Bethany murmurs and I look into her innocent face. She has dark blue eyes unlike me. I inherited my Father's light blue eyes. I tousle her hair and she giggles. Her hair is black and she is growing it. I look around for Carver and when I meet his blue eyes - the same shade as Bethany's - I see something, but what it is, I am not too sure. His hair is as black as his sister's is, but he is taller than she is. Both of them are nine years old and they are growing up so quickly.

I beckon him to come towards me and he reluctantly shuffles his way over. He slips his hand into Bethany's and both of them look up at me. Despite the age difference, I enjoyed spending time with them in the fields. I frequently read to them and I was always there if they awoke crying from some nightmare.

I turn my attention to my Father as he sinks into his chair muttering something about what he could with me. I ignore him and I watch my mother dress my wound. It is stinging like hell, but it is bearable, at least. It is going to leave an ugly scar and I glare at my Father. He could have done something about it, but he is not going to let me off lightly.

"You need to learn, Marian. I will not have you spoiling everything your Mother and I have built over the years in Lothering," he firmly says.

"Is that what you think?" I ask.

"No," he says softly. "But your blatant use of your gift and the way you show off is not doing you any good. You are losing yourself, Mari. You should not allow your magic to rule over you as it is a dangerous path and I don't want to lose you," he replies.

But you don't know how I feel, Father," I murmur.

"On the contrary, I do, but what spurred you to show off like that? Do you know that it could have turned into a blazing fire?" he asks.

"I...I know, but they were small fireballs at first and then the wind come up. You can hardly expect me to control that," I say cheekily and he glares at me. I lower my eyes and to my shame my eyes are burning.

"I honestly hope this has absolutely nothing to do with Aaron. If so, you have a lot of growing up to do. And Mari, I have had enough of your behaviour. You refuse to listen to reason and I have done all I can - I have taught you the importance of magic. I have taught you how to use it responsibly and I have taught you not to squander it for some light-hearted amusement, but you don't listen to me," he says softly. "Above all, you don't know what my motto means: _Magic will serve that which is best in me, not that which is most base_. Your magic serves you and you allow it to cloud your judgment. You are a sensible young woman, Mari. I don't know where I have gone wrong," he continues.

"And I don't see why I have to listen to this, father," I whisper and I run out of the house, sobbing and I crumple on the steps. I wrap my arms around my legs and I look out over the village.

Lothering is right on the Imperial Highway - the main road that runs through Ferelden, into Orlais and into the Tevinter Imperium. We live in a small three bed-roomed home. The twins - Carver and Bethany share the same room and I have my own room, but it is so small. Sometimes I felt so claustrophobic and that is the main reason I spent my time out in the open fields.

Our living room is very small, but comfortable. I glance over my shoulder and I notice my parents conversing. I look away from them and I sigh. I don't want to know what they are discussing. Our home is also near the Chantry - the Chantry is a place where people can light candles in honor of Andraste and listen to the Chant of Light and pray to the Maker if they wished. I had listened to the Chant many times and it is beautiful.

I notice a group of people coming out of the Chantry and as they come closer, I notice Aaron and my heart beats uncomfortably. He is laughing with some of his friends. He senses I am watching him because he catches my eye and what I see hurts me like nothing else. His face flickers with something and he looks uncertainly at me. He says something to his friends before breaking away from them.

"Stay away from me, Aaron," I say firmly and I run back into the house. I head straight to my room and throw myself onto my bed. Whatever I felt for him fades away. All that is left is an empty space in my heart that no one would be able to fill.


	2. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 2

**Chapter 02**

_**Marian**_

I awake to the sounds of my parents arguing and I force myself to get up. I feel depressed and my loneliness is getting to me. I brush a tear off my face. There is really no point in feeling for sorry for myself but as I stretch myself, my arm starts throbbing and I can'tprevent the tears from falling. I remove the bandage and I swallow hard when I see how inflamed it is. I stumble out of bed and find my way into the living room. As soon as they notice me, they stop talking.

"Daddy, please help me," I whisper.

"What is it, Mari?" my mother asks as she gently removes my hand. I am trying to heal myself, but I am failing miserably. She takes one look at my wound and she rounds on him.

"Malcolm, I know you are angry with her, but please can you help her?" she asks.

"Alright Leandra, I will have a look. Come here, Mari," he says softly. "Let me have a look," he says quietly and I give him a small smile. His eyes crinkle in concentration and he frowns. "Oh Marian, what have you done? I can heal it, but it is going to leave an ugly scar."

"I...I don't care. I just don't want to feel the pain," I whisper. He brushes my hair out of my face and he smiles at me. He is no longer angry with me, if anything he is concerned. This only makes me feel worse because he is disappointed in me. I can see it in his eyes that are so similar to mine.

"I am so sorry," I whisper. I watch white light emerge from his hand and he gently moves it over my wound.

"I know you are, but we have a suggestion, if you are interested. That is if you aren't going to shoot fireballs at me," he teases.

"Why would I do that?" I ask.

"Well, you tell me," he replies and I become silent. He moves his hand up my arm and the pain recedes. "Your Mother can take over from here," he says softly, leaning back into his chair.

"Thank you," I murmur. She applies elfroot salve and I smile warmly at her. "Thank you. That does feel better."

"Are you ready to hear our suggestion?" he asks me as I lean back into my chair. My mother goes into the kitchen and comes back with two cups of tea.

"Thank you," I murmur and I drink some of it. I feel better instantly and I turn to my father. "What is it you would like to suggest?" I ask.

Well, we both think it would be a good idea if you enrolled with the Circle of Magi," he replies.

"You want to send me away?" I ask, a hard lump forming in my throat. "You don't want me around?"

"No. That is not what I meant. We feel it would be good for you to mingle with other people. You cannot find your place in Lothering and it makes you unhappy. It will only be for two years," he explains.

"So it won't be permanent?" I ask.

"No, of course not. It would be the best place for you to learn the value of your gift. A mage is something to be proud of, Mari. It is not your fault or my fault or Bethany's fault for being born with the gift of magic," he explains and I stare at him.

"Bethany?" I ask.

"Yes, she is showing signs of magical talent. We never thought we would have two mage children, but we do. I suppose it is expected because the gift of magic runs in your Mother's side of the family and it runs in my blood," he explains.

"But she is so young," I murmur and I look longingly at their bedroom door. They are not early risers like me. I can picture their sleeping faces and I smile. They are beautiful children and I love them dearly.

"You were five, Mari," he reminds me.

"I know. Why are you telling me this?" I ask and I realise with a sinking heart the reason why they want me to go to the Circle. "You want me out of the way so that she does not follow my lead?" I enquire and I start to tremble.

"You are so sharp. Why can you not use your intelligence to better use your gift?" he asks and I look away from him. I am hurting and he does not seem to realise it. "And no, Marian. For the maker's sake, we want what is best for you. We want you to be happy and we feel that in the Circle, you will find yourself and when the time is right, you can come home," he continues.

"Please think about it, Marian," she says softly.

"Why should I? It seems to me that you have already made the decision to send me on my way," I mutter, standing up. "You cannot begin to understand how I feel. I am unhappy, that I will not deny and I am lonely... I...I don't like what I am," I explain as I pace in front of them.

"Then surely you understand why we want this for you?" he asks.

"Have you asked me what I want?" I reply.

"No...What do you want?" he asks.

"I want friends. I want to be accepted and," I trail away and I think about what he says. If I should decide to go the Circle, I would be with my own people. It is also a place of learning and I would learn so much about magic. For the first time since he told me, I am warming to the idea. The longer I think about it, the happier I become and before I realise it, I am smiling.

"See I told you she would like the idea, Leandra," he says.

"I had no doubt, love, because were you not fairly happy during your time at the Circle?" she asks.

"I was, Leandra. I learnt so much from Irving," he replies.

"Who is he?" I ask.

"During my time at the Circle, he was my mentor, but now he is the First Enchanter. He runs the Circle with a Templar - Knight-Commander Greagoir and they run it with a fair hand, but they don't tolerate nonsense," he replies.

"Um...When can I go?" I eagerly ask, and their faces break into smiles.

"Well, I first have to write to Irving. Marian, two years, that is all I ask," he says.

"Two years? That does not seem so bad, but what about Bethany and Carver? We have to tell them," I say.

"And we will, once we hear from Irving. In fact, I am going to write to him today," he replies.

"And Marian, you have a cousin. Her name is Ariana Amell. She has been at the Circle since she was twelve. She will be turning eighteen this year," she informs me.

"I have a cousin?" I ask.

"At least it won't be too difficult for you to settle down," she replies.

"I know," I say.

"And I think you will be happy. We are very worried about you. We don't want you to do something you will regret," she says.

"Something I will regret? Why would I do something like that? I am not a child, Mother," I murmur as I sit.

"You will learn so much," my father murmurs.

"Have you not taught me all I know? How much more is there for me to learn?" I ask.

"I have taught you all I know, but you don't seem to take me seriously," he replies and I look away from him.

"I am sorry," I whisper.

"I know you are, but you must understand how difficult it is to have two mage children," he says softly.

"We are hardly to blame for that," my mother points out.

"I can't wait," I blurt out. "And I will do you so proud, I promise," I say.

"I know, but I am going to write to him today. All I ask is that you remain patient and keep your magic under control. I don't want any more trouble," he advises.

"I will behave and besides, I have some thinking of my own to do," I inform them.

"Go for a walk, Marian. It will help clear your head and when you return, breakfast will be ready," she says.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

I catch Malcolm's eye and he beckons me to join him. Marian heads back to her room with a determined expression in her eyes and I smile. She is very much her father's child.

"What do you think, love?" he asks.

"I think she took it rather well. At least it is only for two years. She needs this. She needs a chance. She is a good person with an exceptionally kind heart," I reply.

"See you later," Marian says as she runs past us towards the front door. She slams it closed and I shake my head.

"I never thought I would have to send one of my children to the Circle, love. It breaks my heart, but I really think this will be good for her," he says.

"I did not think we would do so either, love, but I have been so worried about her. She is coping with something I do not understand. I don't think she understands it herself and she is so sensible and she is very mature for her age, but her rebelliousness, I don't know where she gets that from," I explain as I wink at him.

He sighs. "Maybe I pushed too hard, Leandra. I don't know, but I feel I have gone wrong somewhere and now I have to teach Bethany everything I taught Marian."

"I don't think you are to blame. She is going through a difficult time. She is unhappy, Malcolm. I see it on her face and in her eyes every time I look at her. She carries a deep pain about something and maker knows where it comes from. She was always a happy child," I explain and my heart fills with sadness.

"Look, Leandra," he says softly as he reaches out for me. "I know this is going to be difficult for you as well, but we need to think of her happiness. If she doesn't go, I fear the worst."

"Malcolm, I don't think she will take that path. She is too sensible and she knows the dangers. How...How much have you told her?" I ask.

"About Blood Magic? Not enough, I fear, but she will learn about it at the Circle. As you said, she is very sensible. She may be unhappy and lonely, but blood magic is the last thing on her mind. She only wants happiness, love," he replies.

"I...I know," I murmur.

"Mmm...You are sad, my love," he says as he gently enfolds me in his arms. "Hush my love," he says softly when I stifle a sob.

"It is going to be so difficult letting her go," I explain.

"I know, but we want the best for her and I feel this is the way to give her the chance to spread her wings and learn about magic," he says.

"Malcolm," I whisper as he gently kisses me.

"She will be fine," he says softly as he pulls me closer. "She will be fine," he says again.

"Mmm...I guess I better prepare breakfast," I whisper, but he makes no move to let me go.

"Wait before you go," he says softly and I gaze at him. He has short black hair and he is going grey as well. His eyes are light blue and his face is open, friendly and loving. He is a big man with broad shoulders and he is taller than I am and maker help me, I loved him from the first moment I laid my eyes on him, but all thoughts of our first meeting are driven from my mind as he kisses me. It is gentle at first, but I find myself moulding into his body and I feel his hands along the curve of my back.

"Breakfast can wait," I murmur.

"I think so," he teases.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

I return home an hour later expecting breakfast to be ready, but my parents are not in sight. I notice their closed bedroom door and I smile to myself. They rarely spent time together, but when they did, I wouldn't see them for a couple of hours.

I head into the twin's bedroom and they are playing with each other. When they see me, they run into my arms and I sit on the bed.

"How are my two favourite people?" I ask and they smile at me.

"Hungry," they reply at the same time and I laugh.

"How hungry?" I ask as I start tickling them. They squirm beneath my hands and they giggle. It is delightful hearing them laugh.

"Mari, stop it," Carver says, scowling.

"What is it?" I ask him as Bethany slips her arms around my neck.

"Nothing. I don't want to anymore," he says, stalking off.

"Carver, what is wrong?" I ask as I gently disentangle her arms from around my neck. I go to him and I reach for his hand.

"Play with me," he replies.

"I am but we cannot leave your sister out. It would not be fair," I murmur. "Or do you want a hug?" I ask, smiling and his blue eyes light up. "I take that as yes," I say as I wrap my arms around him. "You too, Bethany," I call when I notice her crestfallen expression. She flies into my arms and she nearly knocks her brother flying, but we all tumble to the ground and they are on top of before I realise it. I feel a sharp pain when one of them touches my arm and I bite back the sob that is going to burst forth.

"Be careful," I murmur as I manage to sit up, clutching my arm.

"You are hurt," Bethany states and I smile at them.

"I'm fine, but be careful," I say quietly.

"I'm hungry," Carver says, reaching for my hand.

"Me to," Bethany says.

"Then we make breakfast," I say as I take them each by their hand and we stroll into the kitchen. I seat them around the table. "You stay here. I am going to find Mommy and Daddy," I inform them.

As I near their room, I notice a white light beneath the door. It is not the first time I had seen this, but I did not really understand it. It only happened when they spent time together and I come away smiling to myself.

"Where is Mommy?" Bethany asks as soon as I walk back into the kitchen.

"And Daddy?" Carver asks.

"They are spending quiet time together," I reply as I light a fire. I crack eggs into a pan, place the pan over the fire and I sit opposite them.

"Why?" they ask.

"Mmm...Sometimes big people need...special time together. When they close the door, that is when you leave them alone," I try to explain, but all I get are blank stares from them and I laugh. "Never mind," I murmur. It is not long until the smell of eggs fills the air. I sprinkle some herbs onto them and my mouth waters. I cut a few slices of bread and I lay them onto the plates. I check the eggs and they are ready so I give some to the twins and as I am about to sit down, my parents come in looking extremely pleased with themselves. My mother's cheeks are flushed and she appears to be glowing and my father - he looks extremely contented and satisfied. I smile at them and I point to the pan.

"Thank you, Marian," she says and I continue eating trying my best not to look at them. I am aware of them watching me and I nearly jump out of my seat when my mother places her hand on my shoulder.

"You don't need to feel embarrassed. One day you will understand," she says softly.

"I...I am not embarrassed. I...I-"I stammer.

"I think you and I need to have a mother-daughter chat," she says quietly.

"It is not necessary. I...I...never mind," I say as I gobble what is left of my breakfast. I get up and blot for the front door. I need to think...again.


	3. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 3

**Chapter 03**

_**Marian**_

"Father, have you heard anything from Irving?" It has been week since he wrote to him and I am...anxious. I want to go to the Circle because I know it will do me the world of good and the idea appeals to me.

"Be patient, Marian," he replies.

"But Father -" I say.

"I did not think you would take to the idea as you have," he says.

"I want to go, Father. Why do we need his permission? Mages are joining the Circle every day," I say.

"Because this is a favour I am asking him. I need to know if they will accept your enrolment for two years only, but knowing Irving, I honestly don't think we will have a problem," he explains.

I sigh and I look out of the window. My Mother is in the garden and I decide to join her.

"I am impatient," I inform her as I pick a blue flower and I sniff it. It is Andraste's Grace and it is native to Fereldan. I always liked the flowers because they smelt so sweet and fresh.

"How is your arm?" she enquires and I roll up my sleeve. It is no longer inflamed.

"That does look better. I see you have been applying elfroot salve?" she asks.

"Every day and I use healing magic, but I feel that there is going to be an ugly scar. It serves me right and I must live with it," I say as I pluck another flower. I smell this one to, much to her amusement.

"You really like them, don't you?" she teases.

"They are my favourite, Mother," I reply.

"I know that is why I have a bed full of them just for you and they remind me of you and your father. It is the same shade of light blue as your eyes," she explains. "Blue eyes as light as the morning sky," she continues and I laugh.

"The same eyes that captivated you," I tease.

"Yes, but that was many years ago. I was only seventeen when I met your Father. My Father dragged my brother, Gamlen and me to another ball at the Hall of the Viscount in Hightown, Kirkwall," she says dreamily and I shake my head.

"Yes. He swept you off your feet much to the annoyance of Gamlen who had to cover for you," I tease and she blushes.

"Yes, Gamlen - he was always resentful of me. He felt excluded most of the time and he thought my father spent far too much time with me," she says.

"And your parents were not pleased about your involvement with Father," I state.

"Well, they did not like the idea that I was in love with a mage, an apostate no less. That is what annoyed them. They always thought magic was a stain on the Amell family name, but that did not stop me. I loved him and I still do," she says softly as she stares off into the distance remembering something only she could see.

"Maybe I will find someone to love me," I whisper more to myself but she heard me.

"Marian, Chantry Law forbids relationships with mages, not that it stopped your father and me, but in the Circle...I don't know. I know it happens, but if you find someone you connect with, just be careful and if you find yourself in love and you want to pursue something a bit more intimate - and by that - I mean making love, please be careful," she advises and I laugh at her.

"Don't make me blush, Mother. I have not even kissed a boy or felt anything remotely like that," I inform her. I head to gate and I lean on it. In the distance, I notice the windmill that is Lothering's defining feature. It is on the outskirts of the village and it is magnificent. It is rotating in the slight breeze. I stare at it for quite a while until I notice someone running into the village. As he gets closer, I recognize him. My father sent him to the Circle to deliver the letter to Irving. I grip the gate in anticipation and my stomach flutter wildly.

"Mother, how far is Lake Calenhad?" I ask to distract myself. I don't want to get my hopes up.

"I think it is three days journey if you don't stop at Redcliffe Village. Then it takes four days," she explains.

"Look over there," I point to the man and he comes straight towards us.

"This is for Malcolm Hawke," he says, dropping a letter into my hands. "I am going to the inn to rest," he continues.

"Thank you," my mother says. "Here take this for your effort," she says as she drops two sovereigns into his hands.

"Thank you. May the maker bless you," he says.

"I must give this to your Father," she says as I attempt to take it from her. "Marian, be patient and stop jumping around like that," she says in exasperation. I am bouncing around in excitement and anticipation.

"I can't help it. You have no idea how I feel about this whole business," I explain.

"Then come with me and I will give it to him," she says softly.

I follow her into the house and she gave the letter to him. He takes his time opening it and he kept on shooting amused glances in my direction.

"Hurry up," I plead and he starts laughing.

"You have never been a patient young woman," he teases.

"Father," I tease as I sit next to him. I press my hands together and wait for him to tell me the news.

He starts frowning and my heart sinks. "He said no?" I ask and he smiles.

"He wants you to start next week, Marian. He feels you have a lot to learn," he replies.

"How much did you tell him?" I ask.

"I told him enough," he replies.

"Next week, Malcolm?" she asks.

"Yes, well she must be in by the end of next week so that she can settle down before she starts classes," he replies.

"But we have to tell the children," she says softly just I hear a soft sob coming from their bedroom.

"Mother, this is going to be difficult," I murmur as I open their bedroom door. "Where are you?" I call and they both fly into my arms. "Bethany, Carver," I murmur.

"You...You can't go. Who is going to read to us?" asks Bethany.

"And who is going to play with us?" Carver asks and I feel the tears well up.

"Mommy and Daddy will have to do all of that," I explain.

"But why are you leaving us?" asks Bethany.

"Because I have to," I reply. I stand up with both of them clinging to me and we head back into the living room. My mother is upset and my father is comforting her.

"Two years, Malcolm?" she asks.

"Yes, love," he replies.

"That is so long and will we be able to visit her?" she asks.

"They don't allow that, love, but we can write," he replies.

"My daughter is going to the Circle and I will be damned if I going to allow them to prevent me from seeing her," she says.

"Mother, I will be fine. I will write every month if I can. I will be fine," I whisper.

"When will you leave?" she asks.

"Father, if we can I would like to go as soon as possible," I inform him and this makes brother and sister cry harder.

"No. No, you can't leave me," Bethany sobs and that is too much. I release them and I turn away from them. I cannot stand to see them cry as if they are never going to see me again.

"Listen you two, I will be home before you know it, I promise," I reassure them.

"When would you like to leave, Mari?" my father asks.

"Is tomorrow asking too much?" I reply.

"No, I don't think so. Are you sure about this?" he asks.

"Please Father? I need to do this. I have to and the sooner I am there, the better," I reply.

"Alright, I will make arrangements immediately," he says.

o0o

"What should I pack?" I ask my mother.

"Whatever you feel you need, but I wouldn't pack too many clothes because you will be issued with robes," she replies.

"Robes? But I don't wear dresses." I only wear blouses and pants, never skirts or dresses. I find it too girly. Sometimes I wore my father's shirts.

"You won't have a choice," she teases.

"Imagine me in robes," I say and I burst out laughing as an image of myself in robes flashes through my mind. "Sweet maker, I will look hilarious," I continue and she grinned at me.

"It won't be so bad. Everyone wears robes. I think the boys do as well," she says and I laugh some more.

"You can't be serious?" I ask and she nods.

"I am. Ask your father," she replies.

"No, I believe you." I take out a light blue shirt, a pair of black pants and I find a soft pink blouse. I fold them neatly into my bag. I head back to my wardrobe and I take out a cream chemise. It is what I sleep in, but it only comes to my hips. She notices me looking at it and she heads out of my room. I tuck it into my bag and I sit on the bed. She comes back carrying a cream nightgown.

"Please wear this over that chemise of yours. I still want you to retain your decency and I don't want you wandering around only in panties and a chemise," she informs me.

"Honestly, I have my dignity, Mother and I am not going to flaunt myself to anyone," I murmur.

"I...I know, but there will be quite a few young men and you might find you attract unwanted attention. They can be persistent," she says quietly.

"And I am not a child, Mother. I know how to look after myself," I say.

"I know...How much you know about sex and making love?" she asks.

"I have an idea... Why do you ask because I have never been with a man" I reply.

"I know that, but please be careful. I am not going to lecture you because you are sensible and level-headed," she says.

"Then let us leave it at that, shall we?" I ask as I fold the nightgown into my bag.

"Mmm...If you meet a nice young man, you must tell me," she teases.

"Mother, I am not even there yet. Who says any of the young men will appeal to me?" I point out and she laughs.

"Oh, don't be too sure," she teases.

"If I meet someone, I will tell you," I reassure her, but deep down, I did not know if I would be fortunate.


	4. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 4

**Chapter 04**

**Circle of Magi, Lake Calenhad**

_**Marian**_

It is midday and after three days of travelling, I am standing on the shore of Lake Calenhad gazing up at the Circle Tower in the middle of the lake. It looks ominous and I look uncertainly at my Father.

"I see why no one can escape," I comment and he laughs.

"It doesn't mean they haven't tried, Mari. Even when I was in the Circle, there were those who attempted to escape, but to my knowledge no one has been successful," he explains and I look across the lake again. I suddenly feel anxious and I reach for his hand.

"Do I really have to spend two years in there?" I ask.

"Well, it is the best place for you to learn how to appreciate your gift, Marian. I have tried, but you are defiant and you like to show off and it is not attractive. Most people already fear us. You should realise that you are only making things worse for yourself. What happens if you harm someone?" he asks and I look at my feet.

"I...I am sorry, Father," I whisper.

"Look, I know you are finding things difficult at the moment, but look on the bright side – you will be with people who are like you and you will probably make a lot of new friends, so it is not all bad," he explains.

"Mmm...It is only two years, I guess," I comment and he ruffles my hair.

"That's my girl," he teases and I feel a bit better. "That is better, Marian and look our boat has arrived to take us across the lake," he informs me and I turn around. A lone templar is just landing at the docks.

"Who is he?" I ask and my Father shakes his head.

"I don't know, but come along. Grab your bag and let us go. The sooner you are settled, the better I will feel and you look tired," he says.

"I am tired. It has been a long journey," I murmur as I give my bag to the templar. He does not appear that friendly and this only increases my anxiety.

"Are you ready Marian?" my Father asks as he waits for me to get onto the boat. I tentatively put my foot into the boat and it starts rocking, but the templar grabs my hand and he gently pulls me onto the boat.

"I hope you don't get motion sickness," he teases and I smile at him.

"I hope so as well," I say. I wait for my Father to join me and when he climbs in, the boat rocks wildly and I nearly lose my balance.

"I've got you, Mari," he says softly as he embraces me and for the first time since we started on this journey, I start crying. "Marian, it will be alright, trust me. I have been down this road before," he whispers.

"But you are free and I am going to be living there for the next two years," I point out and he pulls away from me.

"You will be fine, I promise," he says quietly as he gently wipes away my tears.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Malcolm<strong>_

Marian becomes quieter and quieter the closer we come to the Circle Tower. She is also pale. As I watch she leans over the side of the small boat and vomits. After she finishes, she snuggles into me, but it is not long when she vomits again.

"Marian," I murmur as I massage her back. "You aren't used to being on a boat," I state and she looks at me with a slight smile.

"That is an understatement, Father," she says softly. She leans over the boat again, but nothing comes. "I...I think that is it for now," she informs me. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and she snuggles into me.

"Try to relax, we don't have far to go," I murmur.

"I will try," she whispers. When I look again, her eyes are closed.

"Sleep if you must," I murmur and she opens her eyes.

"How can I? I am excited, anxious and a bit apprehensive," she says and I laugh.

"That is quite understandable, but I think you will be fine," I reassure her.

"I know I will be," she says.

"That's my girl," I tease and we lapse into companionable silence. The Templar keeps on shooting questioning glances at me and I sigh.

"Yes, I am mage if you must know," I say in irritation.

"How is you are not part of the Circle?" he enquires.

"I was once, but that was many years ago. I have been living free for years," I explain.

"But-" he says.

"Irving and Greagoir are aware of it and I don't think I am causing anyone harm," I state and he looks away from me.

"What is your name?" I ask him.

"Carroll, Ser," he replies.

"And you do not like mages?" I ask.

"The Chant teaches us that mages are dangerous and that they should live in the Circle Towers across Thedas," he replies.

"I don't care what the Chant teaches us, all I am doing is trying to provide for my family and I am not doing anyone any harm," I say a bit too defensively and she becomes alarmed.

"It is alright, sweetie," I reassure her.

"It is not that, Ser. I do not know what to believe. I've been watching you and you look like a man who is very concerned about his daughter," he explains.

"I am concerned about her, but that is hardly your business," I say abruptly and he looks away from me again.

"What did she do, Ser?" he asks.

"That is our business, not yours and I don't have to explain myself to you," I point out and he looks surprised.

"I am sorry. It is not my intention to pry. It is so seldom a parent willingly brings their child to the Circle," he explains.

I look out across the Lake and I sigh. Marian's arms are wrapped tightly around me and I give her a reassuring squeeze.

"We are nearly there," I murmur and she follows my gaze.

"I cannot wait to get onto dry land," she says and I laugh softly.

"Not too long now," I inform her as the boat comes to a jerky stop. Marian scrambles off and she waits for me to get off. Carroll takes her bag and gives it to her. She hoists it onto her shoulder and she starts walking up the path leading to the doors of the Circle.

"She is so eager, Ser," Carroll states.

"I know and thank you. We can find our way from here," I say as we shake hands.

"It is a pleasure meeting you, Ser and whatever troubles you have with your daughter, I hope they come right. She seems like a good lass," he says softly and I am taken by surprise.

"She is going through a difficult time and I hope she will find herself," I explain.

"Goodbye Ser, I have to go back to the inn across the Lake just in case others want to cross," he informs me.

"Goodbye Carroll and thank you," I say.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

I wait for my father to join me while I stare at the wooden doors. I am feeling apprehensive again because it feels so threatening and it is making me feel uncertain. I backtrack the way I came and I reach for his hand. I need his reassurance and he gives it to me.

As we return to the doors, they swing open and a man - not much older than my father - steps out holding his hand towards my father. He is very grey in comparison but he has a kind face. There is a certain quietness about him and I relax completely.

"Irving," my father greets him.

"It has been years, Malcolm and you look so well," he greets him. They shake hands and then they embrace each other.

"You haven't changed a bit, Irving," he says and Irving smiles.

"You haven't changed that much either," he teases.

I take in my surroundings and unlike my first impression, this place feels comfortable. It feels as if I have finally come home. There are templars guarding the doors leading outside and there are Templars standing by another door that can only lead to the dorms by the noise I am hearing.

I notice a man come in and he is also my father's age. He catches my eye and he comes towards me. His face is friendly, but stern and I warily hold out my hand.

"Our new apprentice. You must be Marian Hawke," he says as he gives my hand a firm shake.

"Who...Who are you?" I ask and his grey eyes twinkle in amusement.

"Surely your Father must have mentioned me?" he asks and I suddenly realise who it is.

"You must be Greagoir," I say.

"Knight-Commander Greagoir to you, lass," he says and I drop my gaze.

"I am sorry. I did not mean to be disrespectful," I murmur and he laughs.

"Don't worry about it, lass," he says.

"Greagoir, you look as stern as ever," my father greets him.

"It is good to see you to, Malcolm. How many years has it been and why are you bringing your daughter here?" he enquires.

"It is in her best interests that I have brought her here, but she is not going to stay permanently. She will be here for two years and I hope that within those two years, she will find herself," he explains.

"Irving you allowed this?" he enquires.

"If I recall, I owe him a favour and now I am returning it. She will be here for two years, no longer than that," he explains.

"Of course. I am merely asking," he says.

"Well, I think we should go the Great Hall so you can meet the other mentors, Marian and I have arranged for one of our senior mages to look after you," he explains.

"Yes Ser," I murmur.


	5. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 5

**Chapter 05**

_**Anders**_

"Leave me alone, Ariana," I mutter. I am feeling more than a bit irritated and I am trying to study. I am sitting in the library, frantically studying for my exam in a few days time. I glance up to give myself a break and a girl - not much older than me - is coming towards me, and I sigh.

"Come on, Andy," she teases as she slings her blond hair back and her green eyes are glinting mischievously. I glare at her and she smiles at me. She skims her fingers across my shoulders and rests it on my arm. I gently push if off and she sits next to me, sulking.

"I am studying, Ariana," I murmur and she batters her eyelashes at me.

"You need a break. You have been at it for hours," she points out.

"I have to study and you are distracting me," I say and I bite my lip. If anything, she would take this the wrong way and I am not interested in her.

"Really?" she asks as she reaches for my hand and I quickly move it out of her reach.

"I don't have time for this," I inform her as I start gathering my books and parchment.

"You are no fun anymore," she complains and I roll my eyes.

"I don't find your company fun or interesting. Now why don't you run along and irritate Cullen?" I ask and she frowns.

"He is a bloody Templar, Anders," she reminds me and I smile at her.

"Since when must that stop anything?" I ask and she glares at me.

"Why should I?" she demands and I laugh at her.

"I am trying to study, Ariana. If I don't, Wynne will be most annoyed with me," I explain. Wynne is my mentor and we have a good relationship, but she is very stern and she doesn't tolerate nonsense. If I don't study, I would be in serious trouble... Well she always said I would be in trouble and I never took her word for it.

"What happened to the Anders I used to know? The one who used to drop everything to take a walk with me through the garden?" she asks.

"He grew up and discovered a great love for books and his thirst for knowledge drives him ever onwards," I reply. I catch her eye and she is frowning.

"Again, you are no fun anymore," she says and she wants to smile at me.

"There you go, wounding my ego," I retort as I gather my books and I move to the other end of the table. I watch her stalk out of the library and I chuckle quietly to myself.

I have been at the Circle since I was twelve and now I am nearly eighteen. I am actually planning a way to escape the Circle and it would not be the first time. I hated being in the Circle. I feel trapped and claustrophobic. I sigh and I carry on reading the book Wynne gave to me. I sigh and I start drawing a cat. I am smiling to myself when I feel a foreboding presence behind me and I warily turn my head.

"Young man, drawing in books is not going to help improve your healing magic," Wynne says and by the stern note in her voice, I realise she is not impressed with me. I drop my pen and I turn around, giving her a charming smile.

"I...I know, Wynne and I am sorry. I can't seem to concentrate today," I admit because that is partially true.

"Mmm...Does this have anything to do with Ariana?" she enquires.

"No, it doesn't. I...I feel trapped," I reply and she frowns at me.

"I hope you aren't thinking of escaping again, Anders," she says quietly and I look away from her.

"You are? Mmm...Well, I have news for you - don't attempt it, Anders," she advises and I smile to myself.

"This is not a life for us, Wynne. It is wrong. We are human just like everyone else," I point out and she starts laughing.

"You and your ideas - they will get you into trouble, but that is not why I am here," she explains and I raise my eyebrows.

"Then why are you here?" I ask.

"We have a young apprentice who will be arriving this afternoon. I believe she is sixteen and First Enchanter Irving has given you the task of making her arrival easier. You are to make her feel welcome. She is an apostate mage who apparently has little regard for the people around her when she uses her magic," she explains.

"Well, who is she?" I enquire a bit too eagerly.

"Well, she is Ariana's cousin," she replies.

"Another _Amell_?" I ask.

"Actually, she is a _Hawke_," she replies and I sit down.

"Why have I been chosen?" I ask.

"Because you know how it feels, Anders, to be separated from family. You are the best person to help her adjust," she explains. "And, Anders, she is a healer, like you," she continues and for no apparent reason, my heart starts beating faster at the prospect of meeting a fellow healer and I smile inwardly.

"So, I am asking you to please help her adjust. Be a friend, Anders. Can you do that?" she asks.

"Mmm...I suppose I can," I reply and she smiles at me.

"Thank you. I knew I could count on you. You may carry on with your studying and I don't want to hear anything more about your ridiculous escape attempts," she teases and I laugh.

"I can try, but I can make no promises," I tease and she heads off laughing.

I lean back in my chair and I think about this young woman arriving this afternoon. I wonder if she would look like Ariana. I sigh and I give myself a mental shake. I have studying to do, so I bury my nose in my book and shut all thoughts of her out of my mind.

o0o

"Andy, Andy," Ariana calls and I sigh as I shut my book. It is early afternoon and I had been studying all morning, so she is a welcome break.

"What is it now?" I ask as I shove my book into my bag.

"You are needed in the Great Hall. My cousin is here. I have never met her," she explains and I sigh again.

"I already know about your cousin, Ariana. I have been tasked with looking after her," I explain and she frowns at me.

"Why you and not me?" she asks.

"How in the Maker's name am I supposed to know that?" I ask as I walk away from her. She is irritating me today. I do like her, but she is too...I do not know. I find her a bit too much.

"Andy -" she calls and I turn around.

"Stop calling me that, Ariana. My name is Anders, alright," I snap and she stares at me in surprise.

"You are an arse. You can't see what is good for you, even when it is right under your nose," she retorts.

"And I am not interested in you, alright? I am here to study," I mutter as I stalk off dragging my bag along the floor.

"Why can she not leave me alone?" I ask myself as I hoist my bag onto my shoulder. I head up the passage and I am so deep in thought that I bump into Wynne.

"You are needed, Anders. Go the Great Hall," she informs me.

"What about my bag?" I ask.

"I will take it from you and put it back into your room," she replies.

"Why me, Wynne? Why am I so special?" I ask.

"Because you know, Anders. You know or have you forgotten how you felt when you first joined the Circle?" she asks.

"But I was twelve, Wynne and no, I have not forgotten how I felt. How can a child ever forget something like that?" I ask.

"That is why you must make her feel comfortable. She is going to need...a friend," she replies. She turns around and she heads towards the Senior Dormitories.

"I don't get it," I murmur to myself as I reluctantly walk into the Great Hall.

"And here is Anders," First Enchanter Irving announces and I raise my eyes. I come to a standstill when I notice a young woman with short tousled black hair. She realises I am looking at her and she slowly raises her eyes. I take a deep breath because her eyes are a beautiful shade of light blue. She gives me a shy smile and I smile at her. I notice her cheeks are a bit red and there are dark circles around her eyes. _She looks exhausted, but sweet maker, she is beautiful._

"Well, come on," he encourages and I notice a man standing next to him. He has the same colour eyes and I assume it is her father.

I approach him and I hold out my hand. "I am Anders, Ser," I greet him and he takes my hand firmly in his.

"And I am Malcolm Hawke and this is my daughter, Marian," he says. She catches my eye and she shyly holds out her hand. I take it in mine.

"You look tired," I murmur as I give her hand a gentle squeeze and something passes between us. It feels like a small spark of electricity and she feels it as well because she quickly looks away from me.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

Anders squeezes my hand again and I had to look at him. He has light brown hair and light brown eyes that are warm, open and friendly. I feel something pass between us and I cannot break eye contact with him. He is the most beautiful man I have seen.

"I am pleased to meet you, Anders," I murmur and he smiles at me.

"I am pleased to meet you," he says in a voice that is gentle and soft. I shiver slightly and my skin breaks out in gooseflesh, but he does not appear to notice. He is too busy studying me and I shiver again because the way he is looking at me is making me tingle.

"Anders," I whisper and he reluctantly drops my hand and I am left feeling bereft. He seems to realise this because he reaches for my hand again.

"I have been given the task to make your adjustment easier, Marian and I will do so," he explains and he smiles at me. It is so beautiful. I feel my knees grow weak and I end up clutching his hand much to his amusement. His eyes sparkle and he quickly slips his arm around my waist. This does nothing to help the way he is making me feel and my cheeks grow warm. He starts laughing at me and he moves away from me, but I slip my hand into his. I look up at him and he is smiling, but he looks annoyed about something and I follow his gaze.

A blond woman has just walked in throwing her hair back. She has green eyes and she is very slender and she has a full finger. I am smaller in comparison.

"Marian Hawke - the cousin I thought I would never meet," she greets me. She gives Anders an icy stare and he drops my hand.

"Well, your Father wants to see me, so I will speak to you later," he says quietly and I nod.

"I think I would like that. Thank you, Anders," I say politely. He winks at me and he joins my Father and the First Enchanter.

"Who are you?" I ask, folding my arms across my chest.

"You don't know? I am Ariana Amell," she replies as she holds out her hand and I reluctantly shake it.

"Pleased to meet you," I murmur.

"And just so you know, cousin, Anders and I are more than friends..." she says icily and I drop my gaze.

"So what?" I ask. I turn away from her and I join my father. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer.

"Anders, I trust that you will look after my daughter?" he asks, and Anders holds out his hand.

"Yes Ser, by my honour, I will look after her and Ser, she is in good hands," he replies. I look at his hands and they are big but his fingers are slender. I take in the rest of his appearance and I notice his broad shoulders. My heart flutters wildly and I force myself to look away from him. I don't understand why I feel this way.

"Good, she is going to need a friend. She...She has never been away from home," he explains and Anders frown.

"Really? This is the first time you are away from home?" he asks me and I nod. "Well then I will make sure you settle down nicely," he promises as he reaches for my hand once again.

I glance at my Father and the First Enchanter, but they are busy chatting. I glance at Anders and he is waiting for me to take his hand. I give him a small smile and I slip my hand into his. He entwines his fingers with mine and I start trembling because he exudes such warmth and his hand is so comforting.

"You are so warm. How is it that you are so warm?" I ask.

"I...I don't know, but you are just as warm, but why don't I show you around?" he suggests, leaning closer. "Perhaps I can show you how warm I really am," he teases and my cheeks become warm.

"Anders," I whisper and he winks at me.

"Just teasing, Marian," he teases.

"Perhaps you could," I tease and his cheeks turn crimson and I laugh.

"Just teasing, Anders, but Ariana says -?" I whisper as I gaze into his warm brown eyes. He smiles at me and the corners of his eyes crinkle in amusement.

"Whatever she told you a short while ago, it is not true. To be honest, she is interested in Cullen," he whispers for me alone.

"And who is Cullen?" I ask.

"A Templar. You will meet him in due course and I guess you will also meet Knight-Commander Greagoir," he replies as he squeezes my hand.

"I have already met the Knight-Commander," I inform him.

"And?" he enquires.

"He seems friendly enough," I reply.

"When he wants to be, but let me show you around," he suggests.

"But my Father – I must say my goodbyes," I protest as I try to go towards him and he caught my eye.

"I won't be leaving yet, Marian. I think I might stay for a couple of days and then I will take the long journey home," he informs me and I start smiling. "And Anders is right – he must show you around," he informs me as he gave me a smile that is supposed to reassure me, but all it does is make my anxiety worse. Anders seems to realise it because he slips his arm around my waist.

"It will be fine. Now come with me," he says quietly as he leads me to door where we step out into the passage. I glance at him and something about him reminds me of my Father. I feel strangely comforted and I squeeze his hand in return. I look away from him and straight into Ariana's flashing green eyes.

"What is your problem?" I ask.

"You do know Chantry Law forbids any relationships between mages?" she asks and Anders face flickers with...anger and he tenses.

"That does not stop you from pursuing me or Cullen for that matter," he points out and she glares at him. He glares defiantly back at her.

"One day, things are going to change, you keep that in mind and no, I don't think it is necessary for you to come with us. I have been asked to look after her, by her Father no less," he informs her as he folds his arms and I shyly touch his arm. He blushes and I smile.

"You can wipe that smile off your face, cousin," she says as she flounces away without a backward glance.

"What is her problem, Anders?" I ask as I shyly slip my hand into his warm one and he blushes crimson.

"Andy, please call me Andy," he says quietly. "And that is going to annoy her no end. I told her a while ago to stop calling me that and truth be told, she irritates me. Every time I want to study, she is there hovering around trying her best to get my attention and I am just not interested," he explains as he shows me into a small dining room.

"Why would she take an interest in you if she is keen on someone else?" I ask.

"Well, I don't know. We have been friends for many years, but I am not interested," he replies. "Why?" he asks.

"Um...Well...I just wanted to know, that is all," I reply and he gives me a goofy smile, but he does not say anything more.

I look around and I notice many people. Some of them are casting spells at dummies and others are chatting. I move closer to him, because I am feeling anxious again and I feel a hard lump form in my throat. I quickly look away from him but he notices.

"It is not so bad, Marian," he says softly as he touches my cheek.

"I know, but I am anxious. I don't know what to expect," I explain.

"Please try to relax," he says softly and I am so tempted to embrace him. I want to feel his warmth around my body, not just in my hand. He starts massaging my hand and I slowly relax, but it is not enough.

Mmm...How old are you, if you don't mind me asking," he says as he reaches for my other hand and this simple gesture comforts me.

"Sixteen. I...I am sixteen," I reply and he grins at me. "Why? How old are you?" I ask.

"I will be eighteen next month," he replies as we step further into the dining room and I notice a mage speaking to a chantry sister.

"Who are they?" I enquire.

"Them? That is Jowan and Lily. They seem to have a thing going, but it another thing Chantry Law forbids," he explains and I feel his hand tremble.

"You don't like the law?" I ask and he sighs.

"No. We are human like everyone else and just because we have been given the gift of magic, we are feared," he replies.

"I...I know what you mean," I say and he gives me a surprised look, but he does not say anything more.

"Um...The senior mages have their meals here. I...I am sorry to say, but you will probably eat with the apprentices," he whispers and I frown.

"Why? I...I do not know anyone except for you, Anders. I...I would want to eat with you," I murmur and he smiles at me.

"Rules, but what about your cousin? She is an apprentice like you," he says quietly and I squeeze his hand.

"I would rather sit with you," I reply.

"You want to sit with me?" he asks and I notice the delight on his handsome face.

"If you will have me," I reply and he smiles at me.

"That is filled with promise, Marian and yes I do want you...," he says and I start laughing."I mean, yes I do want you to sit with me," he says quietly as he looks away from me. "I would really like that and I am sure we can work around that," he suggests rather happily and I smile quietly to myself. I am flirting with a young man I have just met and I cannot quite believe myself.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I cannot believe what I am hearing. Here I am with a beautiful young woman I have recently met and she wants to sit with me. I reach for her hand and I discreetly walk out of the dining room. I take her into my room and I lead her to my bed.

"I can't believe this, Marian. I know something past between us. I...I don't understand it," I explain as I wait for her to sit down, but she stands uncertainly looking at me.

"You...You felt it to?" she asks and I sit on my bed. My knees are shaking and I am trembling.

"Yes...Yes, I did," I reply and she gracefully sits next to me. She rests her hand on her thigh and I notice how slender her fingers are and I tentatively reach for it, but she moves away. "I...I am sorry," I whisper and I move to my wardrobe. We catch each other's eye and the air vibrates with electricity. I sigh and I sit on the floor in front of her. She is blushing and her eyes are darker. I take in her tousled black hair and her fair complexion and my breath catches.

"You...You are so beautiful," I blurt out and she breaks eye contact with me. "I...I am sorry. I did not mean to say it quite like that, but there is something about you, Marian. Something...I don't know. I can't explain it," I say quietly.

"I...I should go or you should show me to my room," she says quietly as she twists her hands and my heart sinks.

"Marian, there is no need to twist your hands like that," I murmur as I place my hands on top of hers. She gives me a surprised look and I squeeze her hands. Again, I feel something pass between us.

"No, wait...Stay a while. Supper is only at 6pm. We have some time," I say.

"I...Is this wise, Anders?" she asks.

"I don't care much for the rules. I personally don't like being here, but what choice do I have?" I ask. She frowns at me and it leaves me wondering what is going on in her mind.

"I...I don't have a choice either. My Father is disappointed in me, Anders, and so is my Mother," she says, rubbing her eyes.

"Sit with me and we can talk about it, If you want to," I suggest. "And stop doing that. You are safe here and I won't harm you, but I can tell you that some Templars are full of shit," I explain and she starts smiling.

"Well, I can take care of myself," she whispers as she moves back to the bed. "At least, I think I could until I unleashed a fireball as a joke in a field not far from my home. Luckily nobody is hurt, except for me," she murmurs as she pushed up her sleeve. There are thin scars on her upper arm that are just starting to heal. I could see someone had try to heal the wound, but failed miserably.

"Did you do this to yourself? Why?" I ask as I ran my thumb along the scar and her skin broke out in goosebumps.

"I hate what I am. I...I can't be myself, Andy," she explains.

"Mmm...Well, you can be yourself here and I believe you can heal?" I enquire as I draw on my healing magic. I know I would be able to get rid of her scar.

"I can, but I am not that good at it and my father has try," she replies. She shivers as she felt my healing magic and she looks at me. Her eyes are darker and the electricity crackles around us. "He actually did not want to heal it in the first place. He says I needed it as a reminder about what I did, but he had to heal me because it was so sore," she explains.

"That can't be the reason you are here," I murmur as I moves my thumb along her scar. I maintain eye contact with her and she starts blushing.

"I show off and the villagers hate me. Even my brother and sister fear me. It is frustrating," she explains and I stare at her in disbelief.

"The Templars never try to have you arrested?" I enquire.

"No, but they warned my Father many times and the Chantry Priestesses are always watching me," she explains and she looks away from me. She swallows hard and she starts crying. "I can't be myself. It is not fair. I don't have friends and no one looks at me and when they do, it is with fear," she explains, and somehow, she has wraps hers around me.

"Marian, here you can let go and you won't get into trouble. We have training halls with dummies and everything and I think you will be under the mentorship of Wynne like me. She is a spirit healer and she is a lovely woman. You will like her. As a matter of fact, why don't I take you to her?" I suggest as I gently disentangle her arms from around my neck, but she protests.

"You are so warm, Anders. How is this possible?" she asks and I laugh.

"Because I am a good person, but rebellious as you will discover and look, no scar," I inform her and she smiles at me.

"Thank you, Anders," she says softly as she pulls her sleeve down.

How long are you going to be here?" I enquire as she removes her arms from around me and I feel cold without her warmth.

"Two years. He wants me to stay here for two years," she replies as she folds her arms.

"Mmm...You are fortunate. Most of us stay here for the rest of our lives, but I won't be here forever," I explain as we wander out into the passage and Cullen stops in front of us.

"Fraternising with the young ladies, are we?" he asks and I glare at him.

"Speak for yourself, Cullen. You can't keep your eyes off Ariana," I retort and he steps back.

"That is none of your business, Anders," he says quietly.

"Then what I do in my free time is none of your business, got it?" I ask."And furthermore, this young lady is Marian Hawke, cousin to Ariana," I inform him and he sneers at us.

"I don't see the family resemblance," he says.

"This is not necessary, Cullen," I say firmly as I try to pull her away.

"I'm watching you, Anders," he warns as he turns on his heel and stalks up the passage.

"Mmm...I am sorry about that. I don't know what his problem is. He is normally very friendly," I explain as we take the stairs leading down into the Apprentice Quarters.

"Well, he didn't seem that friendly to me. I think I will stay out of his way for now," she says quietly.

"It would be best...And here we are," I say as I open the door into the dormitories and she comes to a sudden stop.

"I have to share with them?" she asks and I nod.

"I...I am afraid so, but this is something else we can work around," I tease and she smiles at me.

"Without getting caught, I assume?" she asks and I start laughing.

"Oh yes. Well, it seems as if your belongings are already here," I say as I point to an empty bed not too far from us. She walks away from me and I follow her. She picks up a book and pages. She looks at the cover, and frowns.

"_The Art of Healing Magic _ - What's this?" she asks and I smile at her.

"I see Wynne's been busy. It is a good book. You will enjoy it," I reply as we sat.

"And so you shall," Wynne says as she stands in front of us.

"And you must be Marian Hawke. Welcome to the Circle of Magi and I see you and Anders have got off to a great start, "she says as she catches my eye and I look away from her. She knows me far too well.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

"It is a pleasure to meet you," I greet Wynne as I hold out my hand.

"I will be mentoring you. I am sure he may have mentioned it. Has he told you that I have been mentoring him since he was twelve?" she asks and I look at Anders. He is busy paging through my book.

"No, he hasn't, but you can hardly expect him to tell me everything about him. We have only met," I point out and she laughs softly.

"Well don't mind me," she teases and her grey eyes light up. "But he is a good lad, Marian and you will find that he listens extremely well. He will probably tell you in due course about his arrival here, but I am sure he won't mind me saying this," she says as she catches his eye and for a moment, his brown eyes flicker with something.

"His arrival here was traumatic, but he must tell you in his own time. That is why the task of looking after you is his to do. He understands," she says quietly as she ruffles his short hair, and he wants to smile. They are obviously very close.

"Thank you, Wynne," I say politely as I take the book from him and he allows our fingers to touch briefly and for that moment, I cannot tear my eyes from him. He looks so sad and beautiful sitting there watching me and I want to reach out to him.

"Tomorrow at 8am, I expect you in the library. I know why you are here and you need to realise a few thing about magic," she informs me. "And Anders, if you would like, you can join us. I am sure she would like that. I'm sure you will understand," she says softly and I look hopefully at Anders.

"What about my studying?" he asks and I nearly smile.

"It won't harm you to hear what I have to say, Anders," she replies as she gracefully sweeps away from us. I turn my attention back to Anders and he reaches for my book.

"Are you going to come with me?" I ask and he smiles at me.

"Of course, Marian," he replies and I touch his hand. It is so warm and comforting.

"Mari, please call me Mari," I whisper and his eyes light up.

"Deal," he says, entwining our fingers. "I think we are going to have an excellent relationship," he teases and I smile at him.

"In what way?" I ask and he laughs.

"No way," Ariana says as she sits next to me and Anders sighs loudly.

"Leave me alone, please," he says as he stands. I follow him much to the annoyance of my cousin.

"Well, I would if you gave me some time with my cousin, but it seems to me-?" she trails away and Anders stalks out of the room. He stops by the door and he looks back. "Please?" he mouths.

"Let me be, cousin. I do not feel like this. Not today," I explain as I try to go to him, but she catches my arm and I glare at her. "Leave me alone, Ariana. I have had a terrible day and I do not want your company. I need someone to cheer me up and you are not going to do that are you? How can you when you are giving me an icy glare?" I ask, shrugging out of her grasp and I run into his arms.

"Come, it is nearly supper and I am going to break the rules now," he teases and I raise an eyebrow.

"Well?" I ask.

"You are going to eat with me in the Senior Quarters," he replies and I smile at him.

"Thank you, Andy." We slowly amble back up the stairs. We are laughing about something when I notice my Father with the First Enchanter.

"Marian, sit with us. We are eating in the Senior Quarters and my good friend Irving has given you permission to join us," he explains as Anders steps out from behind me. "Mmm...I see. He is going to take you there isn't he?" he asks and I nod.

"I am sorry, Ser," he says quietly as he comes towards me. "Please my boy, call me Malcolm," my father says.

"Malcolm...I just thought it would be better for her being her first night here and everything," he explains.

"You are a good lad, Anders and thank you," he says quietly.

"Well, I am starving. Are you ready to have something to eat?" as the First Enchanter.

"Definitely," I murmur more to myself and I feel a warm hand slip into mine. "Anders," I whisper as I glance at him. He is smiling about something and this makes me smile.


	6. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 6

**Chapter 06**

_**Marian**_

"Anders, will you tell us what is meant by _Magic must serve man and not rule over him_?" Wynne asks, and he closes his book. He is sitting opposite me in the library and I am having my first lesson with her. He catches my eye and he gives me a lopsided grin.

"Well, it means that we must not allow our gift of magic to rule over us," he replies and Wynne gives him a disapproving look and I start laughing.

"You can do better than that, Anders," she says firmly and I wink at him.

"Fine, you win this round, Wynne," he says as he returns my wink. "It means that magic is a gift from the Maker and it should be used for the good of mankind. Take me as an example: I have the gift of healing and I hope to use that gift to help people, although, I have healed others before and, you saw what I did last night with your scar," he says softly as he comes to my side where he pushes up my sleeve and exposes my arm. "No sign you were ever injured, Mari," he says quietly and she applauds him, but he holds up his hand. "I...I am not done yet," he says quietly as he pats my arm and, sits next to me.

"Marian, what she is trying to say is that you must not let magic rule you and from what you have told me, you do that and it is dangerous," he continues and I look away from him. I clench my fists and my eyes fill with tears.

"You...You don't understand. You think living out there is fun and you are free, but it isn't like that. Not when people know what you are. Where is the freedom in that? Where is the freedom in not being yourself?" I ask as I stand. I am trembling and my magic is stirring. He realises what is happening because he stands and he grabs my hands. His grip is firm, yet gentle.

"Please look at me, Marian," he says quietly. "Magic is a rare gift and lashing out at the world is not the answer. Not when we are feared to this extent," he explains.

"Now, now, Anders, you don't need to tell her your ideals. You know you have been in trouble countless times," Wynne reprimands him.

"But Wynne you know it is wrong," he explains as he turns around to look at her.

"The Circle serves a purpose, Anders. It teaches Mages how to use their magic for the greater good and not abuse it, but I know there are Mages who practise the Blood Arts," she explains and I frown.

"Blood Arts?" I enquire and he turns back to me.

"Blood Magic, Marian. It is forbidden. It is evil and foul and extremely dangerous," he explains.

"But I don't understand," I trail away when he drops my hands.

"Marian, there are Mages in the Circle who use blood - their own blood - to enhance their magical talent. Unlike you or me - we use Lyrium, if the need should arise and those who deal in Blood Magic are vulnerable to demon possession," he explains and I look at Wynne. She is not impressed.

"Marian, there are good spirits out there such as love, justice, faith, but there are also evil spirits such as pride, greed and rage. Those spirits feed on the darkness within us if we are prone to that sort of thing whereas the good spirits like justice, faith, love, valour and many others, they are all good spirits," she explains and I stand up. My head is swimming and I feel like passing out.

"Stop, this is too much to take in. I cannot handle it," I whisper as I press my hands against my ears. My Father told me of Blood Magic but not in such detail.

"What does this all mean?" I ask as I seek out his eyes. They find me first and there is deep concern in them.

"Marian-" Anders starts saying when Wynne touches his arm.

"This calls for more experienced Mages, Anders, if you don't mind," she says firmly and he leans back against his chair.

"Some mages are easy prey for demons and such like. They don't have the strength to resist temptation. Mages like that are made Tranquil," she explains and I catch his eye.

"Tranquil? What is that?" I ask and he leans forward.

"It is when they are cut off from the fade, Marian. I am sure your Father has told you about the Fade?" he asks much to Wynne's annoyance.

"Who is the teacher here? Me or you, Anders?" she asks as she sits next to me.

"Oh Wynne, I have learnt all I know from you. Surely you do not mind?" he asks and she smiles at him.

"Go on, Anders," she encourages.

"Yes, I know about the Fade. It is where we go to dream, but mages have the ability to go into the Fade without being asleep," I explain and he winks at me.

"That's my Marian," he teases and he quickly looks away from me, but I am feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

"So the Tranquil mages are cut off forever? What becomes of them?" I ask.

"Well, they have no emotion. They do not dream and they speak in a monotone. It is quite annoying really," he comments, and Wynne glares at him.

"Anders, stay focussed," she advises and he shrugs his shoulders.

"How can I stay focussed when I have a...have a-" he trails away and he catches my eye. I start blushing and Wynne starts laughing.

"I think this lesson is ended for the day. Same time tomorrow, Marian and please read the books I have given to you. I am also sure Anders will tell you more about Tranquil Mages, demons and such," she says as she stands, gathering her books.

"I...Thank you Wynne. I will be here bright and early," I agree and she smiles at me.

"Good and perhaps Anders should give it a miss? He has a big exam coming up in two days time and I am sure he wants to study without any distractions," she informs me and I laugh.

"I can try, but he hasn't left my side since yesterday," I remind her.

"Mmm...That is my fault, I suppose. Now go on and spend some time with your Father. I believe he is leaving this afternoon?" she enquires and I cannot answer her. "Anders, take her for a walk, will you? She needs to talk, I think," she advises and I stuff my books into my bag, trying my best not to cry, but I fail miserably.

"Mari, come here," Anders says softly, wrapping his arms around me.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I catch Wynne's eye and she smiles at me. "I told you, Anders. Take her for a walk," she suggests.

"I've got you," I whisper as I gently knead her back. She feels... tense and I allow my magic to flow freely between us.

"It is not fair, Anders," she whispers and I hold her close, and a strange, but pleasant sensation makes itself known deep in the pit of my stomach. I take a deep breath and gently push her away. Something is happening to me and I lower my eyes.

"What...What is it?" she asks as she reaches for my hands but I am fixated by what I am seeing. I am feeling extremely uncomfortable and I want to explode.

"Anders?" she calls and the blood rushes to my cheeks. "Shit," I murmur as it slowly dawns on me as to what is actually happening to me. I grab my bag and I bolt out of the library. I look back, she appears confused, and she looks...flustered.

"Sweet maker," I murmur. I run to the bathroom and I lock the door behind me. I quickly unbuckle my belt and I slide to the floor. No girl has ever made me react quite like this before and I feel embarrassed. I glance at my nether regions and I close my eyes. All I can see is her beautiful face and this makes me feel worse.

"Relax, Anders. Breathe," I murmur, but her face stays in my mind. "Shit, I hope she didn't feel or see this." I grab an empty mug and I filled it with water. I sigh and take a deep breath. I slowly calm myself, but I am not calm there. "Marian," I murmur as a low throbbing ache starts in the pit of my stomach.

"Andy?" she calls as she knocks on the door. "Are you alright?" she asks and I get to my feet. I quickly buckle my pants.

"Are you?" I ask as I splash water onto my face.

"Let me in. I...I need to talk to you," she says.

"About what?" I ask, grabbing my bag.

"I...I don't know. Please open up," she pleads and I take a deep breath as I open the door. She stumbles into the bathroom and into my arms.

"What's happening?" she asks and I hold her at arm's length. She is flustered.

"What...What do you mean?" I ask.

"What happened just now when you left me alone in the library?" she asks.

"Mmm...Did you feel anything?" I ask as I place my hand onto her shoulder and that does nothing to ease my discomfit. I feel as if I am going to explode and looking into her blue eyes only makes me feel worse, not that the way I am feeling is unpleasant. It feels so good and I realise I want to kiss her.

"Um...Yes," she replies and she starts blushing.

"I...I am sorry. I didn't mean it," I stammer as I move away from her, but she catches hold of my hand.

"It is fine, Andy. I am just as surprised as you are. I...I felt something," she whispers and I sigh. "Feel," she murmurs as she pressed her hand against her heart and I cannot help feeling the swell of her breast. It fits into my hand and I catch her eye. She is flushed and this enhances the blueness of her eyes.

"Sweet maker," I murmur as my ache spreads throughout my body. "You feel," I whisper, pressing her hand against me and she blushes profusely. I burst out laughing and she gazes at me with her blue eyes. She moves her hand and I close my eyes.

"Stop," I whisper, but she takes no notice. She is curious and so am I. "Mmm..."I mumble as I gently squeeze her breast and she sighs. She starts stroking me rather awkwardly and I laugh. She is enjoying herself and the longer she teases me the redder her cheeks become. I let out a quiet sigh and I touch her hand.

"Have you... Have you been with anyone?" I ask and she laughs softly.

"Does it look like I have been with someone?" she asks and I smile at her.

"Of course you haven't," I tease and she smiles at me.

"Have you?" she asks.

"No," I whisper as she leans towards me. She is so close I can feel her breath on my cheek.

"Marian, we...we can't. I'm sorry," I murmur as I gently push her away from me. I grab my bag and I bolt out of the bathroom.

"Andy, wait," she call, but I take no notice of her.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

I watch helplessly as he runs up the passage looking very flushed and I touch myself where his hand was a moment before. I feel my cheeks grow warm and I quickly splash water onto my face.

"Mother, where are you when I need you?" I whisper. I am tingling all over and what makes it worse is that he feels the same as me. I don't quite understand this ache I feel, but I know it has something to do with sex or making love as my Mother called it. I close my eyes, I picture Anders kissing me, touching me in places, and I start trembling. I know there is something between us and I know we cannot pursue it. This angers me and I slam my fist into the wall. That is why I rebelled the way I did. Mages are not allowed any kind of happiness or anything like that because of the stupid Chantry Law.

I clench my fist and I burst into tears. It is throbbing painfully and I try to ease my pain by healing myself, but it does not work. I slump to the floor holding my fist and I cry for everything. My Father is going to leave this afternoon for his journey home and this makes me feel incredibly lonely.

I don't know how long I have been here when I hear someone come in. I eagerly look up, but it is my cousin, and for no reason, I feel angry. I want him, but he is coping with something I don't quite understand.

"What do you want?" I ask as I got to my feet.

"Your Father sent me," she replies and I glance at her.

"Why?" I ask.

"He...Is leaving within the hour, Marian. He told me to find you and he told me to bring Anders along, but where is he? Where is Anders?" she asks.

"How am I supposed to know, Ariana? I last saw him at my lesson this morning," I reply as I splash water onto my face.

"And why are you so flushed?" she asks and I turn around.

"Why don't you go and bother that Templar lover of yours?" I ask and she glares at me.

"He is not my lover, Marian. He is a friend. A very good friend," she explains and I sigh.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as I pick up my bag and I head out feeling dejected.

"What is your problem anyway?" she asks as she brushes past me.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I reply.

I slowly amble down to the dormitories. I am so deep in thought that I don't take note of where I am going until I walk into someone.

"Mari, be careful." I look up and I stare straight into his eyes.

"Andy," I whisper as I reach for his hand. He gives it a gentle squeeze and he walks with me into my dorm.

"I am sorry about earlier," he says quietly as he takes my bag from me and he drops it onto the bed.

"It's fine. Don't worry. I am just as confused as you are," I explain as I look up into his smiling face.

"You are not angry with me?" he asks and I start laughing.

"No...No, I am not. Um...I...I like you, Anders. There is something between us I don't really understand," I explain and he touches my cheek.

"Mmm...You have no idea how attractive I find you, Mari," he says softly as he cups my face. He looks around the dorm, but we are the only ones around. I move closer to him and he gives me a lopsided grin. "I don't know how good this is going to be, but we can try it," he teases as he leans towards me.

"Anders, I," I murmur when he touches his lips to mine and my emotions spin wildly. I find myself slipping my arms around his neck and he gently pushes me away before it can go any further. "Andy," I murmur.

"Mmm...It is a start, but I believe your Father is leaving soon?" he asks as he helps me to my feet.

"Yes... Please come with me?" I ask and he grins at me.

"That is why I came looking for you," he teases.

"Marian," my Father calls as soon as I walk into the First Enchanter's office. I take in my surroundings and I notice the bookshelves and many books.

o0o

"Well, how was your morning?" he asks.

I smile at him. "It went well," I reply as I look away from him. My cheeks feel a bit too warm.

"What is it, Marian?" he asks as he come towards me.

"I...I am fine, Father. I am going to miss you," I reply as I fly into his arms.

"Mmm...Consider yourself lucky that the First Enchanter is not going to take some of your blood and drop it into a Phylactery," he whispers for me alone and I step back.

"What is that, anyway?" I ask.

"It is how the Circle can track its Mages should they leave or escape or go out for research. It is Chantry Law, but he says that he doesn't think it is necessary because you are not going to live here permanently," he explains as Anders walks in with the First Enchanter.

"So you are looking after her?" he is asking Anders.

"I am, Ser," he replies as he catches my eye and he comes towards me, smiling.

"Thank you, Anders. You are a good lad. She is your responsibility for as long as I think it is necessary," he informs him and he smiles even more.

"Wouldn't he like to know?" he whispers for me alone and I giggle.

"Go away," I tease as I gently push him away.

"Marian," he teases and our eyes lock. A tense silence ensues and I can almost feel my Father looking from one to the other. This only heightened my awareness of Anders and I move away from him. I catch my Father's eye and he beckons me to follow him.

"What?" I ask when we are safely out of earshot of Irving and Anders.

"Be careful. You know Chantry Law forbids relationships between Mages," he advises. I glare at him.

"That did not stop you, Father," I remind him.

"I...I know, but please be careful. He is a good lad and I think he likes you, Marian and I do not have a problem with it, but you are in the Circle now. They will watch you," he advises. I look away from him, catching Anders' eye and he is smiling at me.

"And I hate what I am because I can't be myself, Father," I inform him and he pulls me into his arms.

"Don't use that as an excuse to abuse your gift, Mari and if you really like him, I am not going to stop you. Just know that it will be bloody difficult. Trust me, I know, but you are young woman now and you are stubborn like me. Just keep what I said in mind," he says as he places his hands on my shoulders. "Can you do that for me?" he asks and I nod.

"At this stage I will do anything to get your respect," I murmur and he ruffles my hair.

"Mari, I do respect you, but your magic is a gift not to be squandered," he points out and I look away from him. My eyes are filling with tears.

"I am going to miss you," I whisper as I fly into his arms.

"And I am going to miss you, but I will write and so will your Mother," he says softly and I heard his voice catch. I look at him and his blue eyes are filled with sadness.

"It's my fault. Perhaps this is best for me. It will give me a chance to think about things," I say quietly.

"And you will learn so much," Anders says from behind me and I turn around. He is holding out his hand and I look back at my Father.

"Go on, Mari and be good," he says sadly and he gently pushes me towards him.

"Father, but-" I murmur.

"You will be fine and I love you, remember that," he says as he slowly backs away from me.

"But...But...Father," I say as I follow him. He opens his arms and I fly into them. "It is so long. Will I not be able to come home even for a vacation?" I ask.

"No, they won't allow you to venture too far out," he explains and I start crying.

"I...I love you, Father," I whisper and he gently pushes me away and into Anders arms.

"I've got you, Mari," Anders says softly as he gently turns me around.

"I...Thank you, Anders. I...must go," he says quietly and I feel his hand on my back.

"Be good, Marian," he says softly, but I don't turn around. If I do, I would break down completely, instead I wrap my arms around Anders.

"Mmm...I could do this all day you know," he teases and I actually smile.

"That would be great," I tease and he chuckles quietly.

"With you, anything is possible," he whispers for me alone.

"Flatterer," I tease as I pull away from him.

"No more tears. I'm here," he teases as he gently wipes them away. I notice the First Enchanter watching us and he is frowning.

"He...I don't think he approves," I state.

"Well, who cares? Because I certainly don't," he says, reaching for my hand.

"Take a walk with me, Marian. We have a beautiful garden and I think you might find it peaceful," he suggests and I smile at him.

"I think I might like that."


	7. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 7

**Chapter 07**

_**Anders**_

I throw off my blankets and I jump out of bed. I glance at my nether regions and I groan. "Shit, what is the matter with me?" I ask myself as I remove my shorts. I am feeling so uncomfortable. I head to the basin and I splash water onto my face while I study my reflection.

We had spent a wonderful evening out in the garden looking up at the stars. I close my eyes and I recall the way she looked at me. I recall the way she refused to let go of my hand and I recall the tears she shed about her Father's departure. _Marian._

I head back to bed and I stretch myself on top of the blankets. I had just had a wonderful dream about Marian and I am aching for her. I glance at myself and I let out a long sigh. I know what is going on. The other apprentices always spoke about it, but this is the second time in one day. I want to go to her, but I know it is not allowed. I groan as I turn onto my side and I try to go back to sleep, but I hear a soft knock on my door.

"Shit," I murmur, pulling on my shorts. "Who is it?" I ask. Someone is sobbing on the other side of my door.

"Andy," and I realise it is Marian. "Shit. Shit. Shit," I say quietly to myself as I reach for the doorknob.

"Please?" she implores and I swing the door open. She stumbles into my room and straight into my arms. She is trembling and she is covered in sweat.

"What is it?" I ask as I close my door, but only after I checked the passage. I did not need a Templar or anyone else barging in on us.

"I...I can't sleep. I...I miss my Father and I had terrible dreams about demons and abominations," she explains as she slips out of my arms and she sits on my bed. She is wearing a thin nightie. I take a deep breath when I notice her small breasts and I turn away from her. I head back to the basin and I splash more water onto my face. I grip the basin and I stare at my reflection willing my emotions to calm down.

"It is normal, Marian. Your second night here away from home. It is difficult," I say quietly.

"And that is not all," she says quietly.

"What else?" I ask.

"I...I...Never mind. I shouldn't have come here," she stammers and I turn around. I quickly for her hand before she thinks to leave me.

"Stay, please stay," I ask as she reaches for my other hand.

"Will we get into trouble?" she asks and I smile at her.

"We won't unless you plan on splitting on me?" I tease and she grins at me.

"Why would I do that?" she asks as she steps closer. I gaze at her and I see the pain in her eyes. I look away from her for a moment and then I wrap my arms around her.

"Sweet maker," I whisper as I cup her face. I pull her closer and I reach for her hand. She lifts it and she places it on her breast. "Oh maker help me," I murmur. My shorts are straining. "You are so beautiful," I murmur as I caress her breast and she starts breathing faster.

"I am not too sure what is going on, but I...but I..." she trails away as I slip my hand under her nightie and I cup her other breast. To my surprise, her nipple is taut and I am so tempted to explore further.

"Andy," she gasps and to my surprise, she gently touches me and I let out a long sigh. It feels so good. I look away from her. _What do I do now?_

"Mmm..." I murmur as I turn back to her. I slip my other hand under her nightie and I skim my hands down the curve of her back. I am pleasantly surprised at how soft and smooth her skin feels under my hands. I cup her buttocks and she sighs softly. She is also trembling so I pull her closer. She looks up at me and I lean towards her. I take a deep breath and I lower my lips to hers, and I kiss her. It is awkward and we both end up laughing.

"I don't know how to," she whispers as she slips her arms around my neck.

"I have an idea," I tease as I kiss her again. I gently encourage her to open for me and she does. As soon as our tongues meet, my body floods with intense emotion and it spreads to my nether regions. I wrap my arms around her pulling her right against me and she hitches her legs around my waist. I drink into her and I relentlessly explore her mouth. She tastes sweet and inviting and this only heightens the way she is making me feel. She cups my head and she holds me firmly as our emotions spin wildly out of control.

"Sweet maker," I murmur, lowering her onto the bed. I break off the kiss and I push up her nightie exposing her small breasts. I take a deep breath when I notice how petite she is and this only excites me. I skim my hands along her arms and I marvel at the silkiness of her skin. I look into her blue eyes and it appears she is waiting for something.

"Anders," she murmurs. She reaches for my hands and she presses them against her breasts. I let out a low moan because it only heightens my awareness of her and I am aching in my nether regions. She is so beautiful. I gently squeeze them and she moans softly.

"What next?" I murmur and she starts laughing.

"Maker knows, Andy," she replies as I kiss her again. It is better than the first and I take my time exploring her. She has a distinct flavour about her. I cannot place it, but I like it. I move away from her mouth, I kiss her along her jaw to the hollow of her neck, and she gasps. "Anders," she moans and I feel her arch herself towards me. I find my hands roam to her underwear and I start to remove them, but she stays my hand.

"No?"I ask and I start laughing. "I wouldn't even know where to begin," I tease as I stretch out next to her.

"Thank you," she whispers as she snuggles into my arms.

"Why did you come?" I ask as I stroke her hair.

"I...I'm afraid, Anders. Those dreams about demons, they scare me and I miss my Father, my Mother and the twins," she replies.

"Mmm...Twins?" I ask.

"Carver and Bethany are twins," she replies. "And she is showing signs of magical talent."

"Really? She is a mage?" I ask.

"My Father seems to think so. She is only nine, Anders and I am here because he doesn't want her to follow my example," she explains.

"Well, if you are rebellious, I don't blame your parents, Marian," I say quietly.

"I...I don't blame them, Anders. It is nothing less than I deserve. _Magic shall serve that which is best in me, not that which is_ most _base_. My Father feels I need to learn what that means. Do you know what it means?" she asks and I close my eyes.

"I...I have to think about it and I think you should go back to your dorm, Mari," I remind her, but she doesn't move.

"I...I can't sleep, Anders. It is too noisy. Sleeping is not what they do at night," she informs me.

"What do they do?" I ask.

"Ariana went somewhere a couple of hours ago. I don't know where she went and the others...I don't have to explain it do I?" she asks and I start laughing.

"The sooner you become a Senior Mage, the better. You will get your own room and if you want that, you have to work hard and your cousin - she is probably spending the evening with Cullen," I explain.

"Doing what, exactly?" she asks.

"Maker knows, but it might involve something like this," I tease as I gently kiss her. "And this," I murmur as I eagerly caress her breasts and she starts trembling.

"Stop," she whispers and I look at her. "No, carry on," she teases and I kiss her again.

I force myself away from her because I am coping with something. She seems to realise it because she warily reaches for me and she starts moving her hands along my erection. I start moaning and she kisses me. She begins a gentle exploration and she slips her arms around my neck.

"Mari," I whisper as we break apart to breathe. She touches my cheek and smiles at me.

"I think I should go back to bed, but I feel so comfortable here," she whispers.

"Mmm...Then stay, but you will have to leave very early in the morning so no-one sees you," I murmur.

"I think I can manage that," she whispers as she closes her eyes.

"Mmm...Sleep my sweet Marian," I murmur as I kiss her forehead.

"Andy," she mumbles

I gently remove her arms from around my neck and I slip out of bed. I am still feeling uncomfortable. I sit in a chair and will myself to calm down. I study her sleeping form and I cannot stop smiling. I don't want to admit it, but I am falling for her and by the way she kissed me, she is falling for me.

"Andy," she calls as she startles awake. She is crying and I climb into bed with her.

"I'm here," I whisper as I wrap my arms around her.

"Thank you," she whispers and she falls into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

"Mari, you have to wake up," a welcoming voice calls. "Mari, please before they look for you."

I reluctantly open my eyes and he is looking at me. "Good morning," he murmurs as he gives me a kiss on my cheek. "You slept like a baby."

"And you? You look tired," I comment as I touch his cheek. He closes his eyes and he sighs.

"I kept my eye on you, that is why and I did some studying," he explains as he picks up a book.

"Ah. Your exam is in two days and I should go back to my dorm," I say as I try to slip off the bed but he wraps his arms around me.

"I...I...Thank you," he murmurs as he nuzzles my neck.

"Anders, stop," I tease. "Otherwise, we will end up walking out here together."

"No...I like you," he teases and I slip my arms around him.

"Mmm...Later," I say as I gently disentangle myself out of his warm embrace.

"Yes, I will see you later, but it might only be this afternoon. I have studying to do," he informs me as he walks me to his door.

"Shit and I still have to read through that book, Anders. What time is it?" I ask.

"It is 5am, Marian. Class only starts at 8am. You have time," he teases and I swat him on the arm.

"Later? In the garden?" I ask and he nods. As I am about to put my hand on the knob, he pulls me into his arms.

"Mari," he whispers as he kisses me and I slip my arms around him. "Mmm..." he mumbles as he presses himself into me.

"Anders," I murmur as he lifts me slightly. I can feel erection digging into me and this causes a low ache in the pit of my stomach. He pulls away with effort.

"Go before we do something we aren't ready for. I will see you later, I promise," he says quietly as he opens the door for me and I step out into the passage.

"See you later then," I whisper as I turn away from him.

"Mari...I...I think," he murmurs and I turn around. "I am far gone," he whispers as he closes the door. I stand there unsure of what he meant and I sigh. I quickly make my way up the passage and I bump into Ariana. She had just step out of a room.

"Marian, what are you doing up so early?" she asks.

"I could ask you the same thing," I reply.

"Does this involve a certain mage?" she asks and I look away from her.

"What is it to you, cousin?" I ask and we both turn around when the door behind her opens.

"Ari, you forgot this," Cullen says as he gives her something. She blushes crimson and she stuffs whatever it is into her pocket. I catch his eye and he looks shocked.

"You keep this to yourself," he warns as he slams the door in my face and I turn on her.

"So tell me, cousin: what was that about him not being your lover?" I ask as we slowly amble our way to stairs leading into the Apprentice Dorms.

"Fine, I lied. We have been lovers for about three months," she explains. "But so what? I am eighteen and he is twenty. He has only been here for about a year or so," she explains and I start laughing.

"Look, I am not going to split on you or anything like that," I reassure her and she smiles at me.  
>"What are you doing here anyway?" she asks and I look away from her. "I see. Is he good?" she asks and I look at her in disbelief.<p>

"We didn't, if that is what you want to know. I hardly know him, but I feel so comfortable around him. I...I was upset, cousin, that is why I went to him. He reminds me so much of my Father and he is so sweet and kind," I explain.

"So you didn't? Not even a kiss?" she asks and I blush. "You did? Sweet maker, Marian."

"I won't lie to you, but there is something between us. This is the first time I have felt like this about someone and I have a strong feeling it is his first time as well," I explain. "But I won't split on you if don't split on me. Deal?" I ask and she shakes my hand.

"We are cousins, Marian and if anything I have learnt the value of family. I know we got off to a bad start, but could we start again?" she asks.

"I would like that," I agree and she smiles at me.

"Excellent. So why are you here?" she asks as we quietly enter the dorm. Most of them are still sleeping and others are busy doing maker knows what with each other.

"I need to learn the value of my gift of magic," I reply as I grab my bag and I take out the book Wynne gave me to read.

"Ah. A rebel. I see. So did you burn something or someone?" she asks as she lay on her bed.

"No. I show off and it doesn't go down well," I explain.

"Mmm...You know that Anders is a bit of a rebel himself?" she asks.

"Well, he did mention that. Why?" I ask.

"He has tried to flee the circle five times in the six years he has been here," she replies.

"He hasn't succeeded, I see," I comment as I grab my pen and parchment. I need to make notes of my study material.

"He hasn't succeeded yet," she replies as she stifles a yawn. "And I need to get my beauty sleep. See you later."

"And I need to study," I inform her as I settle myself on my bed. I start reading the first chapter but thoughts of Anders keeps on intruding.

"Focus, Marian," I chide myself as I try to push thoughts of him to the back of my mind, but I keep on seeing him and hearing his voice and every time I think about how he made me feel, I tingle all over.

"Blast it," I say as I slam my book closed. I have been trying to study for the last hour and I am not getting anywhere, so I get up and I grab my bag. I am going to study in the library.

o0o

"Hey beautiful," a familiar voice calls from behind me and my heart skips a beat. I close my book and I slowly turn around. He is standing not far from me and he is smiling about something.

"Anders," I greet him as I slowly get to me feet. "I thought you had to study."

"Well, how can I go off and study without seeing how my favourite person is doing?" he asks and I positively beam. "And aren't you supposed to read this?" he asks, reaching for my book.

"I am trying, but I can't concentrate," I reply as I try to take it away from him.

"No, you don't," he teases, holding it out of my reach.

"Andy, come on. I need that book. My class starts in half-an-hour," I inform him and he starts laughing at me.

"You have to fetch it from me, first," he teases as he turns around and I watch helplessly as he disappears from sight.

"Oh, Anders," I murmur as I follow him. "Where are you?" I tease as I head to a quieter section of the library. I could hear him laughing, but I cannot see him. "This is not funny, Anders," I tease as I turn into another section. I am getting closer. I can almost sense him. As I pass another row of books, he gently grabs me.

"Anders," I murmur and I realise we are in a room of some sort. "What is this place?" I enquire and he chuckles quietly to himself.

"An old store room," he replies as he drags me further in. "Where I can have a moment with you," he explains as he wraps his arms around me. "Where no-one will think to look," he murmurs as he kisses me on my forehead. "And no-one will miss you for the next half-an-hour," he teases as he cups my face. "And where I can do this," he whispers as he leans towards me.

"Anders," I tease as he lightly brushes his lips against mine. "More," I whisper and he smiles at me.

"Definitely," he teases as he kisses me full on my mouth. I slip my arms around him, pulling him closer. "Mari," he whispers as he turns around and backs me up against the wall. He kisses me again as he presses himself against me.

"Mmm...Anything else?" I ask as we break off the kiss.

"This," he replies as he slowly unbuttons my blouse. "You will get robes today, I think," he murmurs as he pushes my blouse off my shoulders.

"What if I refuse to wear them?" I ask and he kisses me again.

"You have no choice," he replies as he nuzzles my neck.

"You...don't...wear...them," I point out and he laughs.

"I know," he teases as he hoists me into his arms and I wrap my legs around his waist. I moan as his erection touches me and he presses his lips against mine.

"You have no idea what you are doing to me and the funny thing is, I am not too sure what is happening either," he murmurs as he pulls back allowing me to touch him.

"We learn together," I whisper and I move against him. He moans into my neck and I laugh.

"Mmm..." he mumbles as he moves against me and a pleasant bolt of electricity shoots through my body.

"Sweet maker," I murmur and he smiles at me.

"Again?" he asks.

"Yes please," I reply and more electricity shoots through my body. I am tingling all over and I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed.

"Please stop, Anders," I murmur as I gently push him away and he looks away from me.

"I...I am sorry," he whispers as he releases me. He moves away from me and I notice is erection. "Shit," he murmurs. He moves away from me and he leans against the wall. I realise he is trying to bring himself under control by the way he is clenching and unclenching his fists. I approach him and reach for his hand.

"Don't worry, Anders. I know how you feel. Maker knows, I have never felt so overwhelmed in my life," I inform him.

"But look at me? I don't seem to have any control around you," he says quietly as he reaches for my other hand and he brings them to his lips. "I don't know what it is we are experiencing, but I have an idea. We are attracted to each other, that much is clear. We are teenagers and we are also experiencing...I don't have to explain it to you because you already know what I am talking about, but it is more than that between us," he explains and I touch my finger to his lips.

"I like you, Anders and I know we are stuck in this place, but I don't care. They aren't going to stop me," I declare and he smiles.

"It is wrong, Marian that we can't have any relationships because of some stupid law. One day that is going to change, but until then, it is not going to stop me from doing this," he declares as he kisses me and I wrap my arms around him holding him as close as I can.

"Mmm...," he murmurs as he pulls away from me. "You better go to class, Marian. Meet me in the garden this afternoon and we can chat," he says softly as he buttons my blouse closed. He reaches for my hand and he gives it a squeeze. "Off you go," he teases as he gently pushes me out into the library. I glance at him and he is smiling at me.

"Later," I mouth and I wave at him.


	8. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 8

**Chapter 08**

_**Marian**_

"Have you read that book?" Wynne asks as soon as I sit down and I sigh.

"I try, Wynne, but I couldn't concentrate," I reply and she pats my hand.

"I understand. Your Father left yesterday. What was I thinking giving you an assignment like that?" she asks. "Mmm...I want you to have read the whole text by the end of the week and I want you to make a summary highlighting the important points. Can you do that?" she asks and I nod. "Good, now I am going to speak to you about something else," she informs me and I look away from her.

"What do you want to talk about?" I ask as I warily look at her. I would be furious if she is going to speak to me about Anders.

"Have you heard about _The Harrowing Ritual_?" she asks and I stare at her in surprise._ That sounds...ominous..._

"What?" I blurt out and she frown at me.

"I...I am sorry," I say politely as I grab my book and I start paging through it.

"Relax, Marian. This is not about Anders," she says quietly and I start blushing.

"I like him, so what?" I blurt out as I stand up and I glare at her.

"Why would you think this is about Anders?" she enquires and I look away from her. "Oh...Oh I see. He is a charming young man and he has an exceptionally good heart and by your red cheeks, you like him," she says quietly.

"I do, but this has nothing to do with you," I point out.

"It's forbidden, Marian. That is all I am going to say about that. Now where are we?" she asks.

"Something about _The Harrowing_," I reply. "And the way we are treated is wrong. Even you must see that," I point out.

"I hope he hasn't been telling you his ideals," she says firmly.

"And what if he has? That is not the point. Do you know why my Father has brought me here? It is because I hate what I am. I cannot be myself and I fight against it all the time. The villagers don't trust me and my siblings are frightened of me," I explain and to my chagrin, tears starting running down my cheeks.

"But this is a gift from the Maker. You shouldn't abuse it, Marian," she points out.

"That is why I am here so that I can learn that. So that I can learn the value of my gift instead of squandering it as I have," I inform her.

"You can be yourself, Marian if you really want to, you can be," she says quietly.

"_The Harrowing_, Wynne?"I remind her and she smiles at me.

"Yes. _The Harrowing_ is what an apprentice mage goes through after a year or more of study or when we feel the mage is ready. It is our ultimate test to see if the mage can resist temptation," she explains and I lean back into my chair.

"Resist temptation? What temptation?" I enquire.

"Demon possession, Marian. What happens is that we send the mage into _The Fade_ - I am sure you know what that is?" she asks and I nod.

"The place where we go to dream but for us we can go in any time," I explain and she smiles at me.

"You understand better than I think, but anyway - what happens is that we use Lyrium to help the mage and _The Harrowing_ is presided over by the First Enchanter and three senior mages as well as a templar," she explains.

"Why a templar?" I enquire."Well, if the mage is possessed, we need a templar to assist us," she replies.

I frown. "In what way? You don't kill the mage, do you?"

"In some cases, we have had to do that, but in most cases we make the mage Tranquil. I am sure you know what that means?" she enquires.

"It is when a mage's connection to _The Fade_ is severed. They have no emotions and I believe they are almost cold," I reply.

"Yes and no. Sometimes if a mage feels he or she is easy prey for demons they will request to be made Tranquil," she explains.

"Mmm...What happens in _The Fade_?" I ask.

"Well, they will come across temptation and it is up to them the resist. Each fade is different, Marian," she explains. "As a matter of fact, your cousin, Ariana will take the _Harrowing_ quite soon. She has been at the Circle for about six years and it has taken her this long to ready herself, but as for you and only if you have the potential, you will go through your Harrowing within a year or two, but it is entirely up to you," she points out.

"But why has it taken her so long, Wynne?" I enquire.

"Well, her arrival here was also traumatic, but she bounced back very quickly and when Anders joined us a few months later, she couldn't stop smiling. She was there for him and I am there for him and I honestly thought they had something going, but since your arrival a few days ago, he has become extremely quiet and almost reserved," she explains.

"It is not my fault, Wynne. Yes, we like each other, but he has an exam quite soon. Maybe he is nervous. I would not know. I don't know him that well," I explain.

"He goes through stages like this. One day he can be happy-go-lucky and the next day, he broods. He has always been like that, but to be honest since your arrival, he does appear to be...happier. I don't know what it is about you, Marian, but we are moving off topic here," she says quietly.

"Wynne, has he gone through his Harrowing?" I ask.

"He has and he passed with flying colours. He was so happy because he thought he would not survive it for maker knows what reason. He has great willpower and strength, Marian and he is a good lad, but as for your cousin, she is a good mage and I think she is ready for her Harrowing, but it is something we aren't supposed to discuss, but I think you would like to know, so that you can prepare yourself. You are only going to be here for two years and for us to ensure you are as strong as your Father thinks; you will have to go through your Harrowing," she explains and I drop my pen.

"He thinks I am strong? But...Wynne, he is so disappointed in me," I explain.

"No, he is not, Marian. He is concerned about you. He told me that you are a talented young mage who is going through a difficult time now. He wants you to be happy and the only way you can be is if you accept your gift of magic. You need to realise the value," she says quietly.

"Well, isn't that why I am here?" I ask as I stand.

"Sit down, young lady," she says firmly.

"I am done talking about this," I mutter.

"And you will learn your place. We are here to help you and guide you on the right path," she says as she points to my seat.

"The right path? I don't even know what that is," I blurt out as I grab my pen and I start scribbling on a piece of parchment.

"Mmm...That is why you are here and I am going to help you, Marian, starting today. What do you know about Healing Magic?" she asks and I start smiling.

"Not much. All I know is that I feel so good when I heal someone. I feel it here," I say as I point to my chest. "And, Anders...Look here," I say as I roll up my sleeve. "I used to have a scar here," I explain. "Until he healed it, Wynne. What happened is that I caused a fire in a field not far from my home and...Well, I ended up burning my arm. I tried to heal it, but I never got rid of the scar," I explain.

"Until he healed it? He is very talented. I was surprised when he first joined us. He has a real gift, Marian and he loves helping others. He is the best healer I have seen in years," she explains and I cannot help smiling.

"And I am not that good. I try but it is never enough," I explain.

"That is why you are under my mentorship. The first thing you need to learn is how to find that hidden potential. Show me, Marian," she suggests.

"Fine," I say. I move away from her and I close my eyes. I feel my magic stir and I slowly draw on my mana. I open my eyes and small balls of white light are emerging from my hands.

"Good. More," she encourages.

"I can't," I whisper as I sink into the nearest chair. "I am not strong enough," I explain.

"You are. You just don't know it yet," she teases. "Again," she encourages. "And try visualising someone you really care about who is injured. Hold onto that," she suggests.

"I think I can manage that," I murmur as I stand. I move further away from her and I close my eyes. I smile to myself as I picture Anders.

_He is smiling at me and he wants to tell me something, but the smile leaves his face as someone stabs a dagger into his back. My heart drops to the pit of my stomach and I let out a moan. "No," I whisper as he drops to his knees and he tries to reach for the dagger. "Marian, help me," he whispers and I quickly kneel in front of him and I catch him in my arms. I pull out the dagger and it clatters to the ground..._

"Marian, are you alright?" a concerned Wynne asks me and I give myself a mental shake.

"I...I don't know what happened...I...I need to get out of here," I reply as I shakily got to my feet. "I...I'm sorry," I whisper as I back away from her.

"What did you see?" she asks as she comes towards me. "Tell me. I can help."

"I don't know if I can do this," I explain and I burst into tears. "Wynne, I don't know if I can."

"Marian, it's alright. Come sit with me. Perhaps we can speak about something else," she suggests as she slips her arm around my waist.

"I am no good. I find that I am better at casting fireballs or ice cones or bolts of electricity," I explain.

"Mmm...Would it surprise you to know that Anders is very good at casting bolts of electricity?" she asks and I start smiling.

"Maybe he can help me, Wynne. I know I have the potential to heal, but what I saw...What I am as-?" I trail away and I look away from her.

"It was about him, wasn't it?" she asks and I nod. "And nothing I say is going to change your mind?" she asks.

"We have a connection that neither of us understands," I explain. "But I don't want to speak about that. How can I become a better healer?" I enquire.

"Mmm...Perhaps Anders can teach you. He has excellent control and he is extremely patient," she informs me.

"I cannot expect that of him. He has an exam soon. What is it about anyway?" I ask.

"Well, it is mainly about his competency as a healer, but I have no doubt he will do exceptionally well and as for you, I think I should leave you alone so that you can study. We have many books on healing magic and we have an excellent book on Mana. Read it. You might find it useful," she suggests as she stands.

"Listen, I won't say anything to anyone about you or him. I was young once and I know how it feels," she says quietly and I look away from her.

"We are still human, Wynne. Just because we have the gift of magic does not mean we can't have happiness. We have feelings just like everyone else," I point out.

"I know, see you tomorrow," she says.

I sigh and I turn back to my books. I watch her out of the corner of my eye until she is out of the library and I grab my bag. I head to the Healing section of the library and I pull out book - _Advanced Healing Magic_. I put that into my bag and I continue perusing the books.

"_Healing Magic and Elfroot, Crafting Recipes, Mana and Magic..."_

"These might prove useful," and I stuff the books into my bag. I head back to my table and I start reading it.

"_Lyrium can be used to enhance magic. In some cases, mages tend to exhaust themselves because like everyone else, we can only push ourselves so much until our bodies start protesting. Lyrium can be used to help the mage draw on their full potential, but it is addictive and not advisable."_

I sigh and I look dreamily out of the window. It is nearly midday and I am hungry, but I don't to eat with anyone. The only person I want to spend my time with is Anders. I sigh again and I carry on reading my book.

"_Mana comes from within a mage. It is in the blood and this is what defines a mage. We are all born with mana, but only some of us of can tap into that hidden potential. Mages are the only ones who can tap into the Fade during the waking state and Lyrium is used in these cases, but again it is not advisable to rely too heavily on Lyrium."_

I close my book and I stand up. I know I have the potential. I just have to find the key to unlock it. I move away from the table and I close my eyes.

"You can do this, Marian," I tell myself and I look deep within myself. I feel my mana stir and I feel the familiar sensation of my magic sweep through my body. "You can do this..." I whisper.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

"Sweet maker," I exclaim. I am in the library looking for Marian when I notice a bright shining light coming from the Healing Section. _I wonder what is going on._ I follow the light and I hear a soft humming sound. I quicken my pace and as I round the corner, a ball of light shoots past me sending the books flying in all directions.

"Shit." I look up and I see her trying her best to control her magic. She looks at me with fear in her eyes and I maintain eye contact with her.

"Look at me," I say quietly as I warily approach her.

"Help me," she whispers as she releases another bolt of energy and it comes straight for me, but I quickly cast a ward spell and it rebounds away from me.

"Look at me, Mari," I say as I dodge another one and she drops to her knees. I hear a collective gasp and I realise we are not alone. "Blast it," I whisper because she doesn't need this, not that it is the first time a mage has lost control.

"Help her, Anders," someone shouts.

"What do you think I am doing?" I ask.

"Well you are standing there, doing nothing. Help her before we have the Templars barging in," he replies.

"Andy, please?" she asks and I realise she is getting tired. She releases another bolt of energy and I cast another ward spell to protect myself and the other mages.

"I know best," I say as I reach for her hands. "I know best," I whisper as she collapses into my arms. "I've got you," I whisper as I slowly rock her. "What happened?"

"I...I was trying to draw on my healing magic then everything went out of control," she explains. "And now I feel so tired. I'm so tired," she whispers and just like that, she falls asleep. I start laughing because I don't know what to do. I notice a book next to her and I pick it up.

"This is no help," I murmur as I gently lift her into my arms. I grab her bag, sling it over my shoulder, and I head towards the exit.

"It's forbidden, Anders and the Apprentice Dorms are that way," Jowan reminds me and I brush past him.

"I don't care. She does not need you lot seeing this. She has only been here for a few days and I wouldn't talk, not with the rumours I've been hearing about you," I mutter and he glares at me.

"I can report you, you know," he informs.

"Then do so. I don't care," I retort and I glare at him. I glare at all of them and then I notice Ariana pushing her way through the crowd.

"Andy, what happened?" she asks as she touches her cousin's cheek.

"She lost control," I reply as we slowly walk out of the library.

"Why?" she asks.

"She does not know how to control her magic and I am going to teach her how when she has recover. She has some power, Ariana and her magic is white. It is like a bright shining light," I explain and she laughs at me.

"Mmm...It seems as if someone is or is busy falling in love," she teases.

"Shut up. I do not need the whole Circle to know, but I have never felt this way about anyone. We have a connection, Ariana," I explain and she smiles at me.

"I know what you mean," she teases.

"Except you are with...you know," I tease and she blushes a deep crimson.

"Do you think things will ever change?" she asks.

"They will...eventually," I reply as she opens my bedroom door.

"Please don't tell everyone she is here with me, Ariana," I murmur as I place her onto my bed. She turns onto her side and curls herself into a ball. My heart goes out to her.

"Look at her, Ariana? She is vulnerable, beautiful and she is so warm," I murmur as I pull a sheet over her.

"Andy, you are in love with her and I am a bit disappointed. I honestly thought we would have something," she explains.

"Don't get me wrong. I like you and I love you as a brother loves his sister, but I don't feel that way about you," I murmur.

"Well, it doesn't matter. I love him, you know," she says softly as she ruffles my hair. "You should grow it, Anders. It might suit you," she teases and I swat her hand away.

"Go away," I tease.

"See you at supper?" she asks and I shrug my shoulders. "I see and I won't say anything, but I will probably check on her later," she says as she heads out chuckling quietly to herself and I close my bedroom door. I turn back to Marian and she is lying on her back staring at the ceiling with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Marian," I murmur as I sit next to her and she reaches for my hand.

"I...I don't know..." she whispers and I reach for her other hand.

"I understand," I whisper as I pull her up. I touch her cheeks and I wipe her tears away. "This book is useless, you know," I tease. "The only way you can control it, is to find the strength within yourself. You must learn when enough is enough," I inform her.

"How am I supposed to do that?" she asks as she wraps her arms around her legs.

"It takes time, you know and if you want, I can help you," I suggest and she smiles at me.

"Wynne says that you might be able to help me," she informs me and I chuckle.

"Really?" I ask and she laughs. I warily touch her cheek and she reaches for my hand.

"I...I..." she stammers as I lean towards her and I kiss her full on the mouth."Oh," she murmurs as she slips her arms around me and she lays down taking me with her.

"Marian, you are beautiful," I murmur. I slip my hands under her blouse and she slips her hands under my shirt. "Sweet maker," I murmur as she skims her hands along my back to the waistband of my pants. I take a deep breath and I grab her hand.

"Please?" she asks as she kisses me along my jaw.

"Are...Are you sure?" I ask and she pauses.

"Just kiss me, Anders," she whispers as she wraps her arms around my neck pulling me closer.

"I would love to," I whisper as I slip my arms around her and I pull her up and onto my lap. "I still don't know what I am doing," I tease as I trace kisses along her jaw and she giggles.

"Nor do I, but whatever it is, I...enjoy it," she teases.

"Marian, I know we have only met, but I think I am falling in love with you," I inform her and she giggles. "What?" I ask and she kisses my nose.

"Anders, I feel the same. I am most definitely falling in love with you," she teases and my heart thumps loudly.

"We have to be careful and discreet," I advise and she kisses me.

"I know," she whispers.

"And I have an exam soon. I won't be able to spend as much time with you as I would like, but I am sure you understand," I say quietly.

"I do and besides that I have an assignment to do for Wynne," she says as she disentangles herself out of my arms. "I think I better go back to my dorm, Andy, otherwise, we will...you know," she says and she blushes.

"Say it, Marian. We will-" I encouraged.

"Make love," she replies and I smile at her.

"That would be something indeed," I tease as I reach for her hand.

"Something to look forward to," she teases, grabbing her bag. "See you later?" she asks and I nod. I am feeling rather cold without her in my arms and I embrace her.

"Thank you. Chat later?" she asks as I open the door.

"Yes, we can after we have done enough studying for the day," I reply.

"See you later then," she says softly.


	9. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 9

**Chapter 09**

_**Marian**_

It is early afternoon and I am in the library, studying. I have been in the Circle for just over a month and I am studying for my first exam that is coming up in a week's time. Wynne wanted to test my knowledge on how to use Mana responsibly and I am poring over my books, making notes and practising on drawing on it in small amounts. Now my hand is glowing brightly and I feel the mana in my blood. I take a deep breath and I slowly draw on more magic until my white light surrounds me. I start smiling, the adrenaline starts pumping, and I slowly bring it down until there is only a small all of white energy on my hand.

"I've done it. I cannot believe it," I say excitedly to myself. "I only wish Anders was here."

"And he is," a familiar voice says from behind me and I turn around. He is standing by the door with his arms folded and he is smiling at me.

"Andy," I say excitedly as I fly into his arms.

"Well done, sweetie," he whispers for me alone.

"You were watching me?" I ask in surprise.

"I was and you did beautifully," he replies.

"You think so?" I ask as I step away from him, but he makes sure to keep my hands securely in his.

"I don't think so, I know so," he replies and I stare into his brown eyes. They are sparkling and I want to kiss him, but I cannot because the other mages are watching us.

"Mmm...Would you like to go somewhere a little more private?" I enquire hopefully and his eyes light up.

"Well, what do you want to do?" he asks as he starts packing my books into my bag.

"I don't know. We can go out into the garden," I suggest.

"Well, it is a beautiful day and after spending the morning writing an exam, I could do with some fresh air," he replies.

"How...How did it go?" I ask as we slowly amble our way through the library and out into the small courtyard.

"Well, it went better than I expected," he replies. We come to a couple of benches and we sit. He drops my bag to the ground, and he slips his arm around my waist.

"So, do you think you passed?" I ask.

"I did, Marian and Wynne is extremely pleased with me. She says I can rest for the next couple of days and then I can start preparing myself for the next one," he replies and I sigh.

"Another one? We have hardly seen each other," I murmur as a huge lump forms in my throat. This morning is the first time I have seen him in over a week and I am feeling lonely. Ariana is too busy preparing herself for her upcoming Harrowing and he has stuck himself into his room to study.

"Um...This is a place of learning, Marian. We can't spend every minute together even though if I has my way, I wouldn't leave your side, not even for a minute," he says as he skims his fingers along my thigh.

"I know it is. I...I...just feel lonely," I blurt out as I stand, folding my arms. I am trembling slightly so I turn away from him. I do not want him to see the effect he has on me.

"And I feel a bit trapped. I am used to open fields, birds and butterflies. This garden is nice, but it is not the same," I explain as I admire the rose garden. "And I miss my family," I whisper more to myself.

I move to another flowerbed and there are blue flowers. "Andraste's Grace, my favourite," I murmur as I pick one sniff it. "Smells of home," I comment and I burst into tears. I turn around and I grab my bag, but he stays my hand.

"Mmm...There must be something I can do to make you feel better," he says as he pulls me onto his lap. "Running away isn't going to help."

"Then what will?" I ask as I try to compose myself and I start laughing. "Never mind, I know what will," I murmur as I make myself more comfortable on his lap. I slip my arms around his neck and he slips his arms around my waist.

"Mmm...I definitely could get used to this," he teases as he lightly kisses me.

"Not good enough," I tease, pressing my lips against his, seeking entrance and he obliges. Our tongues began a wild dance of their own and I start smiling the longer he kisses me.

"Mari, enough," he murmurs as he gently pushes me away.

"Why?" I ask as I move closer, but he places his hands onto my shoulders.

"You are driving me wild and if we don't stop, I will end up making love to you," he replies.

"What if I want you to? Will that change your mind?" I ask.

"We can't. I am sorry," he replies, pushing me off his lap and I stumble to the ground. I start crying again as I wrap my arms around myself and I refuse to look at him, instead I look at the cut on my hand. I watch the blood drip to the grass, but I make no move to heal myself. I am revelling in the pain the cut is giving to me and for a brief moment, the thought of turning to blood magic is very tempting.

"Don't you dare, Marian. You will be made tranquil if they so much as get a hint about what you are thinking," he says firmly, grabbing my hand.

"What do you care?" I ask as he draws on his magic. A blue ball of light emerges from his hand and I am transfixed. I look at his face and I notice the sun glinting off his hair. My heart beats loudly and I smile. "You are beautiful, Andy," I whisper.

"There you go, all fixed," he says softly as he kisses my hand. "You are beautiful," he murmurs as he starts playing with my fingers. He brings my hand to his lips and he kisses each finger in turn. This only makes me tingle all over and my cheeks start to feel a bit warm.

"And I do care, Marian. More than you seem to realise," he informs me as he helps me to my feet.

"I know and I am sorry. I...I...am so lonely," I explain as he slips his arms around my waist.

"Well, sweetheart, I am lonely for you. Tell you what, come to me tonight," he suggests and I smile at him.

"And what are we going to do?" I ask and he sighs.

"Later, we have company," he says, moving away from me. I sigh inwardly when I realise it is my cousin.

"Marian, how are you? And Anders?" Ariana asks us and I move away from her.

"I am well and you?" I ask as I look at my flower. I look up to where I think he is, but he is gone and I drop the flower onto the grass.

"Exhausted. My Harrowing is next week and I am a bit anxious," she replies.

"Why?" I ask.

"Well, because I don't know if I am easy prey for demons, cousin," she replies. "And that is not all - Cullen will preside over my Harrowing and if I don't succeed, it will be his job to make me Tranquil."

"Would he really do that?" I ask.

"He is a Templar, Marian, it is what he is trained for," she replies and she sits holding herself. "I love him, you know and I know he loves me, but the thought...The thought kills me," she murmurs.

"I am sure you will be fine," I reassure her and she gives me a small smile.

"I...I am not so sure, but enough of me. What happened with Anders?" she asks and I look away from her.

"It doesn't concern you," I reply as I look up to where his room is. I notice a shasow as someone moves away from the window and I sigh.

"Well, I wouldn't let him go if I were in your shoes. I can always cover for you if you want to spend the night in his room," she suggests and I blush at the thought.

"You would do that for me?" I enquire.

"I know what it feels like, Marian. We try to spend as many nights together as we can and we still try to be discreet about it, but it is difficult. If you want to go to him tonight then go to him. I will stay in our dorm just in case things don't work out as they should, but I've seen the way he looks at you. He hasn't said it, but he loves you," she says quietly. "And I think you love him, you just don't want to admit it," she teases.

"Thank you and I have something else to ask you. I know you are good friends with Jowan, but there are rumours going around that he is into Blood Magic. Do you believe them?" I ask.

"I don't know what to believe, to be honest. I also know he is in love with Lily, a chantry sister and that is another thing the Chantry forbids," she says.

"Yes, like they forbid mage-to-mage relationships. Like they forbid mage-to-templar relationships. Like they forbid mage-to-chantry sister relationships... They take vows, don't they?" I blurt out and she gives me a surprised look.

"I hope those are your thoughts and not our friend, Anders, thoughts," she points out.

"They are mine. We have feelings just like everyone else, but just because we have magical talent, we can't have any of those pleasures. It is wrong and sinful. It shouldn't be this way, but what can we do about it? If we dare say anything, they will make us tranquil without thinking twice about it," I point out. I hastily stand, grabbing my bag.

"I...I know you are right, but it would be better for all those involved to keep things like that to yourself, otherwise you will get into trouble," she points out.

"Don't you think I know that? They are always watching and waiting for us to slip up, but I won't give them the satisfaction," I declare and she starts laughing.

"Shut up, Marian. You are not doing yourself any favours by ranting like that. Perhaps you should think about joining with _The Libertarians_," she teases.

"Why? So that I can rant to them? They aren't doing anything about it anyway," I point out.

"Alright, Marian, relax. Why don't we go to supper?" she asks.

"Fine," I reply. I grudgingly follow her back inside.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I am lying comfortably on my bed and I am thinking about Marian. It is nearly midnight and she still has not come to me. I know what is going to happen if she does come and I am not sure if now is the right time, but it is clear she needs me. I am so deep in thought that I am startled out of my reverie by a soft knock on my door. I lay there trying to decide if I should get up. I am anticipating her arrival and my heart is thumping loudly.

"Fine," she says and I can almost picture her looking very dejected and I laugh quietly to myself. I get up and I don't bother putting my shirt back on. If she wants me, then I am very happy to oblige.

"Please Andy?" she implores.

"I'm coming," I tease, opening the door. She has her back to me and she is in a flimsy nightgown. I touch her shoulder and she turned around. "What can I do for you?" I ask, taking her by the hand and leading her into my room. I breathe a sigh of relief when I shut the door. I head to my bed and she stands by the door, watching me.

She ambles towards me and she seats herself next to me. Her hand is very close to my thigh and it is inching closer as I watch. I cover her hand with mine and I place them on my thigh. I catch her eye and she is studying me. She places her free hand onto my chest and I take a deep breath. She lightly grazes her fingers along my chest and I sigh because it is so relaxing and pleasant. I reach for her hand and I bring it to my lips, while I kept eye contact with her. Her blue eyes are very dark and I do not want to know how dark my eyes are. I smile at her as I kiss each finger and she lets out a long, contented sigh.

"Why don't you sit on my lap so I can wrap my arms firmly around you?" I tease and she laughs.

"Well, I can if that is what you want because it certainly is what I want," she replies.

"Don't tease me, Marian," I murmur. I pull her onto my lap and she starts giggling. "And you are so strong," she teases, slipping her arms around my neck. She catches my eye and I cannot tear my gaze from her.

"And you make me happy," she murmurs.

"How happy do I make you?" I ask.

"Well, enough for me to kiss you," she replies, pressing her lips against mine seeking entrance.

"Mmm..." I mumble, allowing her entrance and she swirls her tongue around relentlessly exploring my mouth. I pull her against me and I slip my hands under her nightgown. I feel her trembling and it encourages me. I skim my fingers across her stomach.

"Andy," she whispers as she pulls away from me looking very flustered. Her cheeks are bright red and her eyes are very dark.

"You wanted it," I tease as I gently push her off my lap. I need to calm down because I am very close to losing control.

"When I last checked, so did you," she teases as she travels her eyes down my body and they rest on my shorts. "You know, I want to so much, Andy," she informs me as she comes towards me holding out her hands.

"But, we don't know each other that well," I remind her and she starts laughing as she reaches for my hands.

"I don't care, Anders. I can feel it in here," she says softly as she presses my hands against her chest and I feel her breasts. This does nothing to ease the way I am really feeling or the way my shorts are straining.

"This is not helping, Marian. I feel as if I am going to explode, but I don't want us to take the step unless we are ready. We are still young. You are sixteen and I am nearly eighteen. I'm nearly a man and this is the first time a woman has invoked such intense emotion in me," I explain and she frowns.

"It is not what you think, Marian. I want to make love to you. I want to show you how much I care about you, but I also want us to be well and truly ready, because if I make love to you, you will belong to me and there will be no one else," I explain.

"But I already belong to you, Anders. You know they always talk about soul mates and things like that?" she asks and I nod. "Well, I feel complete when I am with you...I think you are my soul mate," she explains. "And I want to show you how much I love you," she says softly and I stare at her in surprise.

"Did you?" I ask and she looks away from me. "You did? You...love me?" I ask and she moves away from me.

"What do you think?" she asks and I slip my arms around her.

"You love me. I...I...Oh Marian, do you have any idea how that makes me feel?" I ask as I turn her around and she is wiping her eyes. "You don't need to shed tears for me," I murmur as I pull her hands onto my chest, and I embrace her. "I have a little secret myself," I whisper and she giggles. "I love you, Marian."

"Anders, I love you. I don't care that we haven't known each other that long, but I love you," she murmurs as she slips her arms around my neck and I kiss her on the forehead.

"I love you, my sweet Marian," I tease.

"Mmm...So what are we going to do about this?" she asks as she touches my erection and I moan.

"I...I don't know. Maybe we should get to know each other a bit better before we take this step," I suggest as she slips her arms around my waist.

"You know I think I rather like that idea, but how are we going to be discreet?" she asks and I grin at her as I brush a tendril of hair off her beautiful face.

"Leave that to me. I have escaped the Circle five times already. I know how to be discreet."

"Five times you say?" she asks and I laughing.

"But they always catch me, Marian and I know why. It is those phylacteries they keep stored here in the cellar," I reply.

"Mmm... I didn't have to give them one. My father has his ways," she explains.

"I figured that out already, but you will only be here two years, so maybe that is why, but I don't intend staying here for the rest of my life either. I will escape one day, but not today or tomorrow. I have you to keep me on my toes," I tease as we lay on my bed. I wrap my arms firmly around her and she snuggles into me, yawning.

"It is so late, Andy. I need to sleep," she says as she rests her head on my chest. I take a deep breath to get myself under control because my magic is stirring restlessly. I reach for her hand and entwine my fingers with her slender ones.

"I love you, Marian and sleep well," I whisper and she closes her eyes.

"Will you wake me up, so that I can go back to my dorm?" she asks sleepily.

"I will, don't worry," I reply as I kiss her hand.

"Andy, I love you," she whispers and I smile quietly to myself, but I feel a bit anxious. If we are caught, we would be in deep trouble and I did not want that for her.

"Relax Andy. We won't be caught," she says sleepily and I sigh to myself.

"I certainly hope not," I whisper as my eyes close and I fall asleep with an image of her beautiful face imprinted on my mind.


	10. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

_**Marian**_

"So what happened, cousin?" It has been three days since my night with Anders. He is busy studying for another exam and I am busy studying for my exam that is going to take place tomorrow. I am in the library, daydreaming about him and it does nothing to ease the ache I always felt whenever I think about him.

"Earth to Marian," she says as she shakes my shoulder.

"What...What do you want, Ariana?" I watch her move around the table and she sits opposite me. I notice dark circles around her eyes and I frown. "What's wrong with you?"

"Have you forgotten that I am going to be put through my Harrowing the day after tomorrow?" she asks and I look away from her. "And that is not the only thing, Jowan keeps on at how he is going to be made Tranquil and how much he loves Lily and it is all driving me quite silly."

"Well then tell him to get off your back, Ariana," I tease and she laughs at me.

"If it were that easy, I would have told him that ages ago, but he is so persistent," she explains.

"And the rumours about his Blood Magic? Is there any truth in that?" I ask.

"To be honest, I am not sure. Some say he is using Blood Magic. Others say he is full of shit," she replies.

"And what do you say?" I grab my notebook and I start on my final summary for my exam. I grab my book, and page through it looking for the different uses of Lyrium.

"I think they are full of nonsense," she replies.

"You do know that in every rumour there is always a bit of truth?" I ask.

"Well, yes, but he doesn't seem the sort to use Blood Magic," she replies.

"Who does, Ariana? Anyone of use could find the pull too much and use it for our own reasons, but as for me, I prefer to stay in the light," I explain.

"You are too good to give into something like that Marian, but I believe that you will give into Anders unless you already have?" she teases and I drop my pen.

"Since when it is your business? I don't stick my nose into your business, Ariana," I say.

"I know, but I am curious. What happened the other night? I saw you come back into our dorm just after 5am looking very pleased about something."

My cheeks grow warm and I quickly pick up my pen and I resume my summary. "We did not, if that is what you want to know, but I can say this much, he loves me," I explain and I feel a warm fuzzy feeling spread throughout my body. It feels like he is standing right behind me."

"Really? So quickly? You have only been here for about a month or so," she comments and I smile at her.

"I know..." I sigh and I drop my pen. "I love him."

"A month and you love him? Are you sure you aren't in love with the idea?" she asks and I frown at her.

"It is not like that. I feel it here," I explain as I point to my chest and she starts laughing.

"You are only sixteen, Marian," she reminds me and I glare at her.

"So what? You are eighteen and you spend just about every night-," I trail away when she glares at me.

"That is the difference. You are still young. You have your whole life ahead of you and you are ready to tie yourself to one man, no less."

"What is it to you, Ariana? Are you jealous?" I ask.

"No, I am not and besides that, it is your business," she replies.

"Exactly and no, we have not...yet even though we both wanted to, he says he wants us to get to know each other a bit better. He says that when we do, we will be bound for life and he wants us to be ready for that step," I explain.

"You know, I always thought he was a gentleman. He has a good and kind heart. It just complicates matters because we are trapped in this place and all those Chantry Laws, it is unfair. I love Cullen, but we will never be able to have a life together because of what I am. You and Anders might still have a chance, but I guess we will wait and see," she says as she stands. She winks at me and she is smiling. "I guess you are going to get your wish, because here he comes," she teases and I turn around. He waves at me.

"Anders," I say happily as I fly into his arms.

"Maker alive, you are enthusiastic," he teases as he gently pushes me away.

"What do you expect? I haven't seen you for a while," I tease as I step away from him. I don't need the others to realise how pleased I am to see him.

"How is your studying? Do you need my help with anything?" he asks as we walk back to my table.

"Mmm...I do need some clarification on how to use Lyrium wisely, not that I ever intend using it to enhance my magic," I reply.

"Mmm...With your talent, you won't need to use it, but I guess we all have to know the pitfalls of Lyrium. Why don't you sit down and I will tell you?" he suggests and I smile at him.

"Thank you. You are the best," I reply as we sit. He places his hand on my thigh and I take a deep breath. It feels so comforting and I place my hand over his.

"What would you like to know?" he asks.

"What happens if you become addicted to Lyrium?" I enquire as I reach for my pen.

"Well, you obviously cannot live without using it, but it also affects the mind. I know of Templars who are addicted to it and they lose themselves. They find it difficult to distinguish what is real and what is not," he explains and he moves my hand onto his lap. "And they depend on it to keep them going. Templars use it to help boost their magical resistance. That is what defines a Templar. They need to drink it so that they can fend off mages if necessary," he continues, but I am no longer concentrating. I am too intent on what he is doing with my hand to register a word he has says. He is moving my hand up and down his erection and I am trying my best to stay calm.

"Lyrium also gives the drinker a wide-eyed look and they speak no sense," he continues.

"Marian, are you listening to me?" he asks and I give myself a mental shake.

"What?" I ask.

"You didn't hear a word I say, did you?" he asks with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Can we go for a walk?" I reply as I start throwing my books and parchment into my bag.

"You need to study, perhaps I should take a walk," he replies.

"Fine, I will see you later," I mutter as I sling my bag onto my shoulder. I catch Ariana's eye and I beckon her to join me, but she refuses.

"As much as I would like to join you, I can't. I need to finish preparing myself for my Harrowing," she replies and she looks at Anders.

"Walk with her, Anders, otherwise she won't rest," she says and she leaves me standing there as she goes off laughing about something.

"What about, Anders or are you too busy?" I ask as I watch his face. He is coping with something and it dawns on me what it is and I smile at him. "Serves you right, you know," I tease as I drop my bag onto the table and I sit down. "You know we can do something about this," I tease and he starts blushing.

"Not so loud, Marian," he whispers. He quickly looks around, but we are by ourselves. "I need to," he whispers.

"Then let us go for that walk. Fresh air might help," I suggest but he pulls me onto his lap.

"Don't tease me. I know what I said, but please?" he implores as he pushes my robes up around my waist, but I stay his hand.

"Not here, Anders," I remind him as I slip off his lap and I grab my bag. I walk away from him and I feel his eyes on my back. I quickly find my way to the dorms and I drop my bag onto my bed. I stand for a while, thinking about him and then I feel his hands on my shoulders. I lean against him and he slips his arms around me.

"I love you, you know," he whispers and I start laughing. "I love you enough to make love to you."

"I am flattered you think so. Is there nothing we can do?" I ask and he turns me around.

"You need your own room, Marian. I don't like you sleeping here with all the other apprentices. I know what goes on here at night and I don't think you are getting enough sleep either. You have dark rings around your eyes and you look a bit pale," he informs me and I sigh.

"I haven't been sleeping well, Andy. There is far too much activity around me and I have been studying solidly for three days and I ache for you," I blurt out. "I can't explain it. It is need only you can fill and when that is going to happen, maker only knows," I murmur as I sit on my bed.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

"A need only I can fill?" I ask as I sit next to her. Her body is radiating warmth and I wonder how it would feel holding her in an intimate embrace. I study her profile and she did look pale. She realised I am watching her and she turned towards me. Her face is drawn and she looks tired. "It looks like you could do with some Lyrium," I tease and she smiles wanly at me.

"I need more than that to make me feel better," she says, reaching for my hand.

"What can I do?" I ask and she moves my hand onto her lap.

"You know what to do. You just don't want to," she replies as she pushes my hand away from her. I look around the dorm and I realise we are on our own. I grab her hand and I pull her to her feet much to her surprise.

"Where are we going?" she asks as I head out into the passage. I quickly look around and I take the stairs leading up to the Senior Quarters.

"Anders, what are you up to?" she asks and I hear the excitement in her soft, gentle voice.

"You will see," I reply and she starts laughing. She tightens her hold on my hand and I give her a gentle squeeze. I breathe a sigh of relief when my bedroom comes into sight and I hasten our step.

"Thank the maker," I whisper as I open the door and we stumble inside. I quickly close and lock the door.

"I can't wait," I murmur as I pull her into my arms and I eagerly kiss her. "I want you so much. I ache all the time for you," I whisper as I lift her robes up around her waist. She slips her arms around me and she presses herself against me. She is on fire for me. "But at the same time I don't want to hurt you," I whisper as I pull away from her.

"Andy, no, please don't," she whispers as she pulls me in for another kiss. She slips my pants off and she rests her hands on my hips.

"Are you sure, Marian?" I ask as she starts working my shirt. She is fumbling and I reach for her hands. "Allow me," I murmur as I kiss her. I slowly unbutton my shirt and as soon as I undid the last button, she pushes it off my shoulders. She slips her arms around me as she trails kisses along my jawline to my shoulder and I sigh. She comes back to me, she presses her soft mouth against mine and I wrap my arms around her. "Slowly, love," I whisper and she rests her head on my shoulders.

"I love you, Anders," she whispers.

"I love you," I whisper. I lie down, taking her with. She settles herself in my arms and she closes her eyes. "Mmm...Not today?" I ask and she sighs.

"I want to be with you, Andy. I want this," she replies. "And I want to make love to you, but I want your warmth more than anything else," she replies and I smile into her hair.

"But you drive me wild," I tease as I massage her back.

"Don't worry, you do the same to me," she teases.

"Mmm...I think I better make myself decent," I say as I gently push her off my body.

"Mmm...If you want to," she whispers as she reaches for my hand. I give it a squeeze and she falls asleep. I grab my clothes and I put them back on. I sit at my desk and I start going through my notes for my exam. My second exam is all about making health potions, calming potions and how to use them effectively. It is quite boring because I already knew most of it and I have my Mother to thank for that.

I glance at Marian and she is smiling about something. I put my book away and I watch her. She is lying on her back and I notice her flushed cheeks. She starts moving around and like a breath of air she whispers my name. _"Andy..."_ I am so tempted to go to her, but I don't want to risk it, so I settle myself in my chair and I close my eyes. I am nearly asleep when someone knocked on my door and I let out a surprised gasp. I could not have anyone come in here and see her sleeping on my bed.

"Anders, it's me, Ariana. I am looking for Marian. Is she in there with you?" she asks and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Come in," I reply. "Thank the maker, it is you."

"Well, some of the mages have seen you, Anders. They said you literally dragged her to your room," she explains and she smiles when she notices her sleeping on my bed. "And I don't need to know what happened in here," she teases and I frown.

"Don't insult me, Ariana. I am not going to take advantage of her. She is tired, can you not see that?" I ask as I stand to stretch myself.

"Anders, spit it out. I know you too well," she teases, pulling out a piece of parchment.

"Fine, we did not and I won't until the time is right. She likes being with me and I like the same. Why should I refuse her especially when she desperately needs someone to talk to?" I ask.

"Well, she has me, her cousin, or have you forgotten about that?" she asks.

"Of course I haven't forgotten. It is her choice, Ariana. I am not going to force her to do anything she does not want to do. I...I love her too much to do that," I explain.

"You are as bad as she is, you know that? She loves you, Anders. I do not think she will love anyone else but you. You have a connection I do not understand. I don't know if it is a _mage-thing_ or something like that," she explains.

"But you didn't come here to tell me that did you?" I ask and she nods.

"This arrived for her a short while ago. It is from her Mother," she replies and I snatch it from her.

"I will give it to her. She is going to be so pleased, Ariana. It might be what she needs to cheer up. Have you noticed how pale she is?" I ask and she nods.

"Is she okay, Anders? I mean you are the healer," she teases and I laugh.

"I think she is studying too hard and I think she misses her family. I wish I could do something to make her feel better," I murmur.

"Mmm...There has been talk that they want to hold fun evening for everyone. They reckon it will boost everyone's spirit. I hear that is might be a dance," she informs me and I grin at her.

"Really?" I ask as I glance at Marian. She is slowly waking up and she is still smiling.

"Well yes, but you know this place. They talk and then nothing. You know what? I am going to speak to the Senior Mages. I honestly think it will be a good idea," she says.

"Then use your powers of persuasion," I tease and she heads out of my room laughing. "Be good, Andy," she teases as I shut my door. I hear her call for me and I turn around.

"Andy?" Marian whispers. I turn around and saunter towards the bed clutching the letter from her Mother.

"I have something for you but sleep some more if you want to. I am not going anywhere," I comment and she gives me a sleepy smile.

"What do you have?" she asks and I sit next to her.

"A letter from your Mother," I reply and her whole face lights up.

"My first letter, Andy," she murmurs. She eagerly opens it and reads it to me...

_Dear Marian_

_I hope you are settling well at the Circle. Are you learning a lot or anything? You must tell me everything._

_You Father tells me that you met a nice young man called Anders and he is very impressed with him, but he does advise you to be careful. I know you will look after yourself and I hope to meet him someday. I also hope you are being sensible with Anders._

_Your Father is right about Bethany. He has started training her on how to use her gift responsibly, but I worry about her age. _

_Your brother is unhappy with the amount of attention she is getting and he is misbehaving. I wish you are here to spend time with him because he keeps on asking when you will come home, but at the same time, if you are here, you would probably spend time with Bethany and your Father. _

_All is well in Lothering and with us and I miss you, Marian, but I think you are better off at the Circle and when you do come home, I think you will be a different person._

_Your Father sends his love, as do your siblings._

_Much Love_

_Mother_

"And?" I ask. She quickly wipes her eye. "Tell me, Marian," I murmur while I wrap my arms around her.

"I miss them so much, Anders," she replies.

"I know you do, but don't fret, you've got me," I tease as I gently massage her back.

She giggles as she pulls away from me. "I know that, but I miss them."

"Mmm...You know I don't like seeing you so upset my love," I tease as I wiped away her tears. "It hurts me here," I explain as I press her hand against my chest and she looks up at me smiling.

"I can feel, Anders. I can feel your heartbeat and it is getting faster," she teases. She is right; being this close to her is making me tingle all over. I touch her cheek and I look away for a moment.

"Mmm...To hell with this," I murmur, plucking the letter out of her hand and placing it on the desk. I turn back to her and I cups her face. "Why should we put off the inevitable?" I ask as I lower my lips to hers gently asking for entrance and she obliged. She wraps her arms around me and she hitches her legs around my waist. She moves against my erection and I let out a low guttural moan that encourages her to move again. This time she moves up and down and I wrap my arms around her. She is definitely ready to take this step and I realise I want to make love to her. I move to the bed and I gently lower her onto it, but she only tightens her grip around my waist. We fall onto the bed, laughing.

"Anders, honestly," she whispers as she gently touches my cheeks with her slender fingers. I pull away from her and I look deeply into her eyes. I lower myself onto her and she sighs. "This is what I want, but it would be better if we are-" she trails away as I lean in to kiss her.

"Are you really sure you want this?" I ask. She smiles as she gently cups my face between her slender hands.

"Please Anders? I am ready," she replies and I smile at her.

"Honestly love?" I ask and she sighs. "Because I am definitely ready, but we don't have to if you feel you are not ready," I explain as I frame her face with my hands. Her skin is soft and smooth and this only made me want her more.

"Mmm...Consider it my early birthday present to you," she replies as she pulls me towards her and in the next minute, our lips lock in a passionate kiss. She pulls my shirt off and she tosses it to the floor. I sit taking her with me and she turns around so that her back is towards me.

"Are you quiet sure?" I ask as I press my hand onto her back and she nodded. "Alright then," I whisper as I slowly unzip her robes exposing her back. I tentatively touch her shoulders and she shivers. "Mmm..."I murmur as I skim my fingers along her back and she sighs.

"Your skin is so soft," I tease as I trail feather light kisses along her shoulder blades and she starts trembling. "Someone is enjoying this," I murmur as I move closer to her until we are just touching and I remove her robes exposing her completely. I move back slightly because she is so beautiful and I realise I want to see her smiling face. "Turn around," I whisper. I place my hands on her hips and she turns around. I smile at her as I study her petite frame and my ache spreads from my stomach to my nether regions. I pull her closer and I reach for her small breasts.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

He lowers his mouth onto my nipple and I moan as intense pleasure sweeps through me. He gently suckles me, causing me to tingle all over. He stops for a short while to push me onto the pillows. I look up at him and his eyes are blazing.

"I want you to be comfortable, love. If there is anything you don't like, tell me and I will stop," he says quietly and I smile at him. "And you are quite sure?" he enquires.

"Please make love to me?" I reply and he grins at me.

"Mmm...We are getting there," he teases as he once again lowers his lips onto my breast and I moan as another bolt of electricity sweeps through my body. I curl may hand around his neck keeping him in place as he nibbles me. I arch towards him and I am surprised by his erection digging into my stomach. I move my hand along his strong stomach and I gently grasp his erection, but he reaches for my hand. "Not yet. We take it slowly. This is our first time. It is my first time," he murmurs as he presses his lips against mine. He entwines his fingers with mine as he pulls away to breath. "You are so beautiful," he whispers as he lightly kisses me and I blush.

"Thank you," I whisper against his mouth as he gently probes his way in. He tightens his hold on my hand and he begins his exploration. He moves upwards, pressing his erection into me. I moan softly because it is...pleasurable, but at the same I become tense. He seems to realise it, because he pulls back slightly.

"I won't hurt you, Mari. I just need you to relax," he whispers against my mouth and he kisses me again. He moves again and I moan...again.

"Andy, please take them off," I hoarsely whisper, and he rumbles low in his throat and that connects with my yearning for him.

"Very well," he teases as he moves off me. I catch sight of his erection and I start tingling all over, but I become tense as he slowly removes his pants then his shorts, exposing himself slowly and he is...not small. "Look at me," he murmurs. I force myself to meet his light brown eyes. I want to reach out and touch, but I am not sure if he will allow it. He comes towards me very proud and he stands by the bed watching me. I tentatively reach for him and I gently clasp his erection in my hand, and I feel...excited. "Look at me, love," he whispers. I raise my eyes to meet his and I instinctively stroke him and he clenches his fists.

"Maker," he blurts out and he lets out a low sigh. I roam my eyes to his chest and I notice his well developed chest and arm muscles. I look at his legs and they are equally well developed. I force myself to look at him and he is watching me with a smile on his face. He grabs my hand and he pulls me to my feet.

"My turn," he whispers as he kisses me as he skims his hands down the curve of my back to the waistband of my underwear and he slips them off. He gently curls his hands around my buttocks and he presses himself into me. I slip my arms around his neck and I kiss him passionately. "Marian," he murmurs as he wraps his arms around. I wrap my legs around his waist and it only enhances the sensation of his close proximity. He moves back to the bed where he gently lowers me. He settles himself until he is comfortable. He cups my face. I am acutely aware of his erection digging into me.

"Are you ready?" he asks as he caresses my cheeks.

"I think so, but I feel a bit anxious," I reply.

"So am I to be quite honest," he teases and I burst out laughing.

"I didn't think our first time would be quite like this," I murmur once my laughter subsides. He shifts restlessly on me.

"Mmm...Our second time will be better, but love, I am ready," he whispers as he lightly kisses me. He reaches for my hand and he gives it a gentle squeeze as he slowly eases into me and I tingle all over because it feels...good. He moves away from my mouth and he traces a path of kisses along my jawline as he eases in a bit more. I grip his hand tightly and he gives me a kiss on my nose. "Relax," he murmurs as he raises himself slightly. He releases my hand to grip the headboard.

I start panicking. "What if it hurts?"

"Leave that to me," he replies, lowering himself onto me and I slip my arms around him. He kisses me again as he pushes deeper, harder and I flinch. It is so sore and I swallow hard.

"Andy, enough," I whisper and to my chagrin, I start crying.

"Love, please relax," he says. He cups my face and he gently kisses my tears away. "Look at me my beautiful Marian," he teases.

I laugh at him because I am looking at him.

"All I can see is you, my Anders," I tease. He is part way in, but I am still tense. I seek out his hand and he gently clasps my hand in his.

"Relax," he whispers and a pleasant sensation sweeps through my body driving all pain away. I realise he is healing me and I smile at him.

"My boyfriend, the healer and thank you," I murmur. I relax and I notice the surprise in his eyes.

"Is that what I am?" he asks as he lightly brushes his lips against mine.

"I don't know. What do you think?" I ask and he smiles at me.

"I love you, Marian and that is what matters. Are you ready to try again?" he asks.

"Just keep healing me, Andy," I reply.

He grips the headboard again and he gently eases into me. I feel a sharp pain, but that quickly passes only to be replaced with a wonderful feeling and the fullness I feel, is something else entirely. I close my eyes and allow myself to get used to the feeling of my Anders filling me completely.

"I will," he teases...

o0o

"_Maker," I murmur_. I am still recovering from the aftershocks of our lovemaking and for the first time in the last six months, I feel completely at peace. He has me wrapped in an intimate embrace. Our bodies and spirits still intimately joined. I feel exhausted, but I don't want to sleep just yet. His heart beat is normalising. He lifts his head from my chest and kisses my forehead.

"How...How do you feel?" he whispers.

"That is not what I expected...It was better than I expected," I reply as I smile at him.

"Mmm...I love you, Marian and now I truly belong to you," he murmurs.

"Andy, I am yours. I will always be yours," I tease and he gives me a beautiful smile. "I love you, Anders," I whisper. He gently extricates himself from me and I wince. I am...sore but it is a pleasant soreness.

"Mmm...I can help," he murmurs. He slips in behind me, wraps his arms around me and pulls me flush against his chest. He places his hands over my stomach and heals me.

"So what now?" I murmur.

"We be discreet, but maker that is going to be difficult because I am hopelessly in love with you," he replies.

"We will manage. I mean there are many couples in the Circle, Anders. I know so because I hear what goes on every night in my dormitory and that is why I hardly sleep. There is far too much activity and I wish I was in a room of my own, but that will come...and shit, Andy, my exam...I have to go and study," I murmur.

"You can always study here, if you would like to," he suggests.

"I would like to, but I doubt I will concentrate. Shit...I would rather spend the night here than in my dorm," I mutter and he reaches for my hand.

"I want you to stay, but you have a big exam tomorrow and you must be hungry," he points out and I grin at him as my stomach grumbles loudly.

"Go my love, and I will seek you out tomorrow," he says softly as he pulls me to my feet. He grabs my clothes and I quickly dress myself. I flinch again as I move but the memory of his lovemaking makes my discomfit disappear.

"They will know," I whisper as he embraces me.

"No they won't... If it gets too much, come to me and I will make an elfroot potion for you," he murmurs.

"I will. I am going to miss you," I whisper as I slip out of his warm embrace.

"Well, you can always stop by later, much later," he suggests and I grin at him.

"Maybe I will, but no promises. It is my first exam tomorrow and I need to go through my notes," I explain and he looks away from me.

"I understand. See you sometime," he says quietly as he opens his door for me. As I step out he pulls me back into the room and he shuts the door.

"Anders, I-" I murmur as he presses his lips against mine and I reach for his hands. "Mmm..." I murmur as he pulls away from me.

"Just remember that I love you and good luck for your exam. I also hope you will sleep well tonight," he says softly as he brings my hands to his lips.

"Go my love," he teases as I open the door.

"See you," I murmur. He slowly closes the door behind me and I let out a long sigh. I am overwhelmed by our lovemaking and it does nothing to ease my anxiety about my exam. I am aching all over, but I am also content. I slowly shuffle my way up the passage, down the stairs and as soon as I enter to my dorm, I plonk myself onto my bed and I grab my bag. I take out my book and I start reading, but I find it extremely difficult to concentrate because images of Anders keeps intruding on my thoughts. _Focus, Marian..._


	11. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_**Marian**_

I force myself awake at 5am and I grab my book. I fell asleep with images of Anders flying around my head and I did not even go to supper. I quickly dress myself and I make my way to the _Apprentice Diningroom_. I notice Ariana helping herself to some breakfast and I join her.

"How are you?" I ask as I help myself to toast, cereal and tea. She turns around and there are dark shadows around her eyes.

"Tomorrow, Marian. I have hardly slept. I cannot take this and it doesn't help matters that Jowan is harassing me all the time," she mutters.

"What does he want now?" I ask as I follow her to an empty table.

"He keeps going on and on about being made Tranquil and how he doesn't want that because he loves being a mage. You know the story and all I want is peace and quiet," she replies.

"Tell him to back off, Ariana. I would if I were in your shoes," I suggest as I have a sip of tea.

"I have tried, but he is so persistent," she murmurs as she meets my eyes and she gives me a knowing smile that makes me feel uncomfortable.

"Oh my, you did, did you not?" she asks and I feel my cheeks grow uncomfortably warm. "Sweet maker and how was he?" she whispers.

"Patient, understanding and loving and that is all I am prepared to say about it," I reply as I take a bite of my toast.

"By the glow you have about you, he must have been good," she teases and I blush even more. "And when did this happen?" she asks.

"Um...Yesterday," I reply and she nearly falls out of her chair.

"Oh my. Let me guess...After he gave the letter to you?" she asks and I nod. "Mmm...Now I must tease him. Imagine him squirming uncomfortably in his seat," she teases. I shake my head.

"Keep it to yourself, cousin," I murmur and she laughs.

"Don't worry, I won't say anything and guess what? They are planning a dance for us. It will take place in a couple of months," she informs us and I smile.

"Really or did you convince them?" I ask.

"Well, yes. I suggested that it might be good for all of us to have some fun and they all agreed. I mean all we do is study, write exams and practice spells. We do not do anything else and we are all teenagers. Some are nearly adults, so they agreed, but we must all behave, but it will be a casual affair. We don't have the means to buy dresses or suits, but I think it is all rather exciting," she says enthusiastically.

I gobble the rest of my toast and I drink the last of my tea. "It sounds exciting, cousin, but can we talk about this later? My exam starts in an hour's time and I need to read something before then," I inform her.

"Of course and besides that, I need to prepare myself mentally for my Harrowing tomorrow, so I am going to the Chantry," she informs me.

"See you later then," I call as she flounces away from me. I shake my head and I page through my book. I am so absorbed by what I am reading that I startle when I feel familiar lips on my neck.

"Good luck, sweetheart," he murmurs and he gives me a single blue flower.

"Anders, you are sweet and thank you," I whisper and as quickly as he comes, he is gone. I sniff the flower and I feel a bit homesick because we had a garden full of Andraste's Grace.

"Shit," I murmur as my tears fall unchecked and I look around for him. He cannot be too far from me. He is always around somewhere making sure I am all right. "Andy," I murmur and I start crying. I grab my bag and books and I made a beeline for the door. I need to go and wash my face. I did not want Wynne to see my like this.

I close the bathroom door behind me and I slip to the floor. I am aching all over from my night with him and I want his arms around me, telling me that everything will be all right. I stand and run water into the basin. I catch sight of my expression and I smile to myself. I have a glow about myself and I feel a bit better. I splash water onto my face and I hear someone knocking on the door.

"Who is it?" I ask as I lean against the door.

"Are you alright?" he asks and I can almost feel his warmth through the door.

"No, I am not," I reply.

"Well, you could let me in," he teases and I laugh.

"I could," I tease and I open the door. He is standing there looking so relaxed and happy. "Come in," I whisper as I quickly look over his shoulders as I grab his hand.

"Don't worry, I have already checked. No one is around just yet," he teases as he allows me to pull him into the bathroom. He closes the door and he leans against it.

"Mmm...Why are you crying?" he asks as he lightly caresses my cheek.

"I am anxious about my exam that is going to take place in about an hour's time and I feel...homesick," I reply as I take the flower out of my pocket. "It reminds me of home," I whisper and I swallow hard.

"I can make you feel better," he teases as he slips his arms around my waist pulling me closer.

"Mmm...Really and how do you intend doing that?" I ask as I slip my arms around his neck.

"Well-"he murmurs as he kisses me and I mould myself to him. Our kiss deepens and I skim my hands down his sides and he catches hold of them. "Mmm...I think that is enough," he murmurs as he gently pushes me away.

"But-"I protest as I try to kiss him again.

"Later, you have an exam to write," he reminds me and I step away from him. I head to the basin and splash more water onto my face. I am trembling and I need his warmth. I catch his eye in the mirror and he smiles at me. "Later," he murmurs and he steps out leaving me to cope with my emotions.

"Shit," I murmur as I study my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks are flushed and my eyes are a deep shade of blue. I cannot quite believe the way he makes my feel. All my senses are sharper and I can still feel his gentle touch and kiss. "What am I going to do?" I ask myself and somebody else barges into the bathroom.

"Here you are. Your exam starts in fifteen minutes, Marian," Ariana informs me and my stomach churns uncomfortably. I catch her eye in the mirror and she comes towards me, frowning. "What is wrong?" she asks and I turn around.

"I...He," I stammer.

"Distracting you? Is that what you are going to say?" she asks and I nod.

"I...I can still feel his lingering touch. It is as if I can almost feel him," I explain and she smiles at me.

"Oh dear, you have it bad, cousin. You are hopelessly in love with him and you have taken that step with him. You seemed fine about an hour ago. What's changed?" she asks and I look away from her.

"We are fine, if that is what you are asking. He was here a while ago wishing me good luck," I reply.

"And?" she asks.

"I don't know. I...feel...I don't know," I reply as I grab my bag. "I need to go. Chat later," I inform her as I run out of the bathroom. I know what is wrong with me. I need him and his words. His comfort and warmth and I am not going to get it today. _Shit...It was too soon. Why?_ I am so deep in thought that I run solidly into someone. "Shit," I murmur. I move away holding my face. "Shit. Shit. Shit. I don't need this," I complain and someone chuckles. I peek through my fingers and he is laughing at me. "It is not funny. I have an exam to write," I remind him and he frown.

"Then you better go. You have less than five minutes," he informs me and I glare at him.

"I know that," I mutter and he looks away from me. I bite my lip because it is not his fault I feel like this. "I...I am sorry, Andy. I did not mean to snap at you. I...I need," I trail away.

"Look Marian, I know, but go to your exam. Come to me and we can talk...after," he suggests as he steps closer to me. "I hope you aren't having any regrets because I don't have any," he murmurs as he brushes past me and I stare after him.

"Wait, Anders," I call and he turns around as I approach him. "No. No regrets. I...I just...I need you," I whisper and he smiles at me. "So, I will come to you later and..." I murmur. "I love you," I whisper as I slowly back away from him.

"So do I," he teases as he waves at me. I turn around feeling much better and ready to write my exam.

_I catch Wynne's_ disapproving glare and I drop my bag onto the floor. "You are late, Marian and that is unacceptable. Your exam is set for two hours, but you will stay here until 11am, you understand?" she reprimands me and I look away from her. "And if you don't pass, you will stay here until you do, you understand?" she asks and I warily look at her.

"I...I am sorry, Wynne," I murmur as she gives me parchment and my exam paper.

"That doesn't work on me and don't think I don't know what is going on with you. I have seen the way you look at Anders. You are to please remember that you are here to learn," she reminds me and I glare at her.

"And what? We can't have friends or anything like that?" I blurt out.

"This is a place of learning, Marian or should I write to your Father about your blatant disrespect of me?" she asks and I look away from her.

"I know you need friends, Marian, but learning is what is important. How else are you going to find your true potential?" she kindly asks.

"I know why I am here and...I...I am sorry," I whisper as I start paging through my exam book. "And I don't disrespect you, Wynne. I just find that being a mage is not all fun and games and I find the Chantry Law too restricting," I explain.

"What nonsense has Anders been telling you?" she asks and this annoys me.

"This does not involve him, Wynne," I murmur defensively.

"Well, we have wasted enough time. You may begin and you will only leave at 11:30am," she informs me and I sigh.

"Yes, I understand," I reply.

"Good," she says firmly and I hear the chair scrape the floor as she stands.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I am at my desk studying for my exam, but I find it extremely difficult to concentrate. I knew what she wanted and, maker help me, I wanted the same. I sigh as I slam my book closed. I feel frustrated because images of Marian keep on appearing in my mind and this does nothing to ease the ache I feel. I have been in my room for most the morning and now I am wondering how her exam is going. I sigh again and I stand. I head to the basin and I turn on the water. I splash my face and I catch my reflection in the mirror. I am happy and I don't regret it for a second. She made me feel complete and we fitted so well together. Her soft body fitted into mine so well and thinking about her, makes me smile. _Marian love..._

"Anders may I come in?" Ariana asks and I sigh. I don't feel like her company. I want Marian's company. I want her touch and her warmth, but it is only 10:30am and I would not see her until this afternoon.

"Fine, come in," I reply as I sit and open my book again. I look up and she has made herself comfortable on my bed. "What can I do for you?" I ask and she looks away from me.

"I know we are not allowed to speak about it, but how was your Harrowing?" she asks and I lean back in my chair.

"Why do you want to know?" I ask.

"Well, mine is tomorrow and I am anxious," she replies.

"You know we aren't allowed to speak about it, Ariana. There is not much I can tell you because it is different for everyone," I explain.

"I gathered as much, but what if I don't resist? What do I do?" she asks.

"You will have to resist, if you don't want to be made Tranquil," I reply.

"I know that, Anders. But what if I am not strong enough to face whatever it is I am going to face?" she asks.

"You will have to find the will, Ariana. Look, all I can say is that it is not easy. You must keep your wits about you," I reply and she stands.

"Have you heard about Jowan? They say he is going to be made Tranquil and he keeps on harassing me," she explains.

"I have heard that he is involved in Blood Magic, but there has been no proof thus far and if he is, then he must be made Tranquil. I don't have time for Blood Magic. It is foul and evil and no good can come of it," I reply.

"I know that. I just hope I am strong enough to resist," she says as she sits again. "Mmm...I know about you and my cousin, Anders," she informs me.

"I...I don't know what you are talking about," I murmur and my stomach churns uncomfortably.

"She loves you, you know. She was glowing this morning when I saw her and I knew straight away. She couldn't stop smiling, but you do know that this only complicates things?" she asks.

"And I don't care. I know how to be discreet and once she is a senior, it will make things easier and besides that, I know what goes on in your dorm," I reply and she smiles at me.

"Mmm...That is why I spend most nights with Cullen because it is the only way I can get a good night's sleep. Why don't you put in a request to have a second bed put into your room?" she asks and I laugh at her.

"I am sure they will be pleased about that. They won't allow it, Ariana and it will be frowned upon by the others," I explain.

"Well, it doesn't hurt to try you know, but you are right. Well, I am going to go back to my dorm to get some sleep. My Harrowing is at 8am tomorrow morning.

"If I don't see you before then, good luck and stop worrying, you will be fine," I reassure her.

"I hope so," she says quietly as she opens my door. "And it looks as if someone has finished early and she is smiling from ear-to-ear," she informs me and I stand. I head into the passage and Marian is running towards me. I head towards her and she flies into my arms.

"I passed Anders. I passed and she is so pleased with me. I received full marks, Anders. I didn't think I would pass," she says happily as she steps away from me.

"Ariana," she greets her cousin. "You look terrible. Why don't you go and rest for a couple of hours?" she suggests.

"Well, that is what I am going to do, so I guess I better leave you to it and behave," she teases.

We wait until she has disappeared from sight and I drag Marian into my room. I hardly close the door when she kisses me and I slip my arms around her. "I've missed you," I murmur as I skim my hands along the curve of her back and I rest them on her hips.

"How much?" she asks as she turns away from me. She sits on the bed looking shyly at me.

"Well, enough to kiss you senseless," I reply as I sit next to her. She moves further onto my bed until she leans against the wall. "Is that all?" she asks as I move towards her and I smile at her.

"Well, have you written to your Mother yet?" I ask as I sit next to her and she groans.

"Thanks for being such a romantic," she teases as she playfully reaches for my hand. "No I have not, Anders. I have not exactly had the time to write back. How could I? I was...preoccupied yesterday and last night and I have just written my first exam," she explains.

"Mmm...You can always write to her now. I have parchment," I suggest and she swats me on the arm.

"I did not come here to spend the rest of my day writing to my Mother, Andy," she explains and I frown.

"Then why did you come?" I ask and the smile leaves her beautiful face.

"Well, I come to spend some time with you, but if you don't want me here, then I will just go to the library and start preparing myself for my next exam," she says as she clambers over me, but I slip my arms around her waist.

"Do you really think I am going to let you go so easily especially after I have spent the morning thinking about how to please you this afternoon?" I ask and she smiles at me.

"Well, what do you have in mind?" she asks as she allows me to pull her onto my lap.

"You will see," I tease as I kiss her and she laughs softly.

"I see," she murmurs as she slips her arms around my neck.

"You know that they are having a dance in a couple of month's time," she informs me.

"Really? Would you like me to take you?" I ask.

"Andy, yes please, but do you know how to dance because I don't dance that well," she says softly as she plays with my hair.

"Well, it might please you to know that I can dance fairly well," I reply.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

I stare at him in disbelief and he laughs at me. "You dance?" I ask and he gives me a naughty smile.

"I can show you," he teases as he gently pushes me off his lap.

"Are you serious?" I ask as I clamber off the bed.

"Of course I am serious," he replies and I smile at him.

"Show me, Andy," I encouraged as he stand in front of me. He steps closer to me and he places his right hand on my waist while he gently grips my other hand.

"Are you ready?" he asks as he pulls me right against him and I start trembling.

"I...I think so," I reply and he moves two steps back.

"I lead, you follow. If I step back, you step forward. One...Two...Three." He takes another step back and I take a step forward. "Again," he encourages. "One step back, one step forward and look at me, love. Eye contact is important," he says quietly and I look into his eyes. They are very amused and I chuckle. He moves back, I step forward, only to on his foot.

"Marian, slowly," he teases.

"Sorry, love. Do you need me to heal you?" I ask and his eyes crinkle in amusement.

"No, I'm good for now," he replies.

"Mmm...Are you ready to try again?" he asks as he slips his arms around my waist and he rests his hands on my buttocks.

"Andy," I murmur as he pulls me right against him. "What are we doing now?" I ask.

"Well, I don't know," he replies as he slowly sways with me and I place my hands on his shoulders. "That's better," he murmurs as he gazes intently at me.

"When is your next exam?" I enquire.

"Next week sometime," he replies.

"My second one is in two weeks. I think it is on the _Art of Healing_."

"That is fairly difficult. They might ask you to demonstrate your skill and the exam itself is quite intense. I might have my notes somewhere if you need them," he murmurs.

"Don't make me anticipate it, Anders. Maker knows, but I still have so much to learn. I still have to learn about protective enchantments," I murmur and he smiles at me.

"You already know all of it, love. You just have to find it within yourself to use it responsibly," he points out and I sigh.

"I know that, Anders, but for now, I am happy to concentrate on my healing magic. That is what is important to me."

"Well, I can always teach you what I know," he suggests.

"I know that as well, but do we honestly have to speak about all of this?"

"No, but they will also teach you about Blood Magic. Do you know it is forbidden to use blood magic?" he asks and I nod.

"My Father always said it was extremely dangerous and it makes one vulnerable to demons. Why would I want to dabble in that?" I ask.

"I hate that branch of magic, Marian. It is evil. I would never strike a deal with a demon. I cherish my soul too much," he says quietly.

"And benign spirits?" I ask.

"That is even dangerous. I wouldn't want to risk it," he replies as he gently cups my face. "I think we've done enough talking," he murmurs as he kisses me. "Mmm...I could do this all afternoon, but-" he murmurs when I touch my finger to his lip.

"But what?" I ask as I lightly kiss him and I slowly find my way into his mouth. He presses his mouth against mine and he kisses me passionately. I find my hands wandering and I stop at the waistband of his pants.

"Marian," he murmurs against my mouth and I slowly unzip his pants. He hitches my robes up around my waist and he presses his finger into me.

"Andy," I moan as he moves his finger in a slow circle. I push off his shorts and I reach for his erection. I slowly stroke him and he deepens his kiss. I feel his tongue deep in my mouth and I press my lips firmly against his. He increases his pace and my head starts spinning.

"Anders," I whisper and he slowly eases his finger into me. He moves gently as if he has all the time in the world and this thought makes me laugh.

"Do share," he whispers.

"We have all afternoon," I tease and I feel him smile.

"I know," he says softly as he slowly removes my robes until I am standing only in my underwear in front of him. I watch him undress himself and I admire his body. He is so strong and sturdy.

"What are you looking at?" he asks as he saunters towards me in all his manly glory and I start tingling in anticipation.

"You," I reply as I reach for his hands and I slowly back towards the bed.

"Mmm...I must say you keep yourself in good form and you are so petite," he teases.

"You think so?" I ask.

"To me, you are beautiful," he teases.

"What about my personality?" I tease.

"Oh love, that is very important to me. I've found what I want in a woman," he teases as he lowers himself onto me.

"And you drive me wild," I whisper as he lightly kisses me.

"And the afternoon is mine," he teases.


	12. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_**Ariana**_

I am lying on my bed trying my best to get some sleep before my Harrowing in the morning, but I am unsuccessful and it is nearly midnight. There is far too much activity in my dorm and more than anything, I want to be with Cullen, but I didn't know if he would want me there. I turn onto my side and I try to go to sleep, but it evades me.

"Blast it," I say as I throw off my blankets and I hear the door open. I look up and I see Marian coming in looking blissfully happy about something.

"Hey," she greets me as she plonks herself onto her bed. "Still no luck?" she asks.

"No, but you look happy. I take it your afternoon and evening went well?" I ask as she lies down, smiling.

"He taught me how to dance," she replies.

"Is that all?" I ask and she turns on her side.

"No," she whispers and I grin at her.

"Again? How was it this time?" I ask.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she replies as she stretches herself. She looks at the ceiling and she frowns. "I don't know how I am going to sleep with all this activity," she replies. Further in the dorm someone is moaning loudly and I glance at Marian.

"This is what we get when we share a dorm with twenty other teenage mages. It makes me wish I was sleeping in the children's dorm. At least it is far quieter," I comment and she chuckles.

"If I had my way, I would be sleeping in his dorm, but I don't want to get into trouble," she says as she raises herself onto her elbow.

"Trust me, they know exactly what goes on here, Marian, but seriously, what can they expect with a whole bunch of teenagers who have a limited amount of freedom?" I ask.

"Mmm...That is true and you know what, I think I am going to go back to him. I can't stand this noise," she says as someone else moans.

"Not again?" Someone calls from the other side of the dorm and then there is silence. I catch Marian's eye and we both laugh.

"Mmm...I think I am going to go to Cullen, maybe I will feel better," I whisper.

"And I am going to go back to him," she whispers.

"Go get him, cousin. See you later," I murmur as I tiptoe my way to the door. She is not far behind me.

"Good luck for your Harrowing, Ariana. I will try to see you before you go in," she says quietly.

"I appreciate it, but it is not necessary," I whisper.

"I will try anyway. Goodnight," she says as she heads up the passage leading to the Senior Dorms. I head down the passage and up the stairs into the Templar Quarters. They used to share the same floor as the Seniors, but they have only recently moved into this section of the Circle.

I quietly approach Cullen's room and as I get closer, he opens his door. He catches sight of me and he beckons me to hurry up. "Ariana, come. We must make this a night to remember," he called as I literally run into his arms.

"Just in case I don't make it?" I ask as he pulls me into his room. He kicks the door closed and he presses his lips against mine.

"I love you and it will kill me if it does not go according to plan," he explains as we broke apart to breath. "But I know you, you are very strong-willed and I don't think you will give in. You are too good for that," he says quietly as he slowly drags me to his bed.

"You think so?" I ask as I ruffle his short brown hair and his brown eyes light up in amusement.

"I know so," he replies as he wraps his arms around me.

"Cullen, I hope it goes well," I whisper as I press my lips against his.

"It will, please don't worry about it and you really need to get some sleep," he murmurs as he removes my nightgown. He runs his eyes down my body and he cups my full breasts.

"Cullen," I whisper and he kisses me. I slip my arms around his neck and he lifts me slightly. "Oh maker," I murmur when he presses his erection into my stomach. I make short work of his underwear and I toss them onto the floor. He lies down and I slowly trail a path of kisses along his chest to his nipples. I reach for his erection and I slowly stroke him. He clenches the sheets as I trail feather light kisses along his abdomen.

"_Now, I can sleep_," I murmur as he wipes my sweat away. "I love you, Cullen," I whisper and he smiles at me.

"I know you do and maker help me, but I love you," he murmurs as he wraps his arms securely around me.

"Go to sleep, Ari. I will wake you when the time is near," he whispers.

"No more sneaking back into my dorm?" I ask.

"Not today. I will think of some excuse, don't worry," he reassures me and I fall asleep content in that knowledge.

o0o

It is nearly 8am and I am standing outside the Harrowing Chamber. I start to pace anxiously in front of the door and I hear someone behind me.

"Good luck, cousin," Marian says as she gives me a quick hug.

"How did you get up here?" I ask and she grins at me.

"Anders. He knows his way around the Circle," she replies and I smile at her.

"Mmm...It seems you had a good night," I tease and she blushes.

"Well, yes I slept well. He is so warm, Ariana. I cannot explain it. I feel so secure and safe. I mean even when he is near, I feel that way," she explains and I grin at her.

"Love is in the air, cousin," I tease. "Here he comes," I inform her as I wave at him. She turns around and she waits for him to join us.

"First Enchanter Irving, Wynne and Cullen are on their way," he informs me and my stomach churns uncomfortably. "You will be fine, Ariana. It is not as bad as you think. Just keep your wits about you," he advises.

"It is not that simple, Anders. You know what it is like because you have already gone through it," I remind him and he smiles at me.

"Trust me, it is not so bad. Keep your wits about you and you will be fine," he reassures me.

"I hope you are right and shit, here comes Jowan. Why can he not leave me alone? I don't need his nonsense now," I mutter. Jowan leans against the wall and Marian approaches him.

"Jowan, can you do us all a favour and leave her alone?" she asks him and I nearly laugh at her. I catch Anders eye and he wants to laugh as well.

"I am sure Ariana can speak for herself," he replies.

"Well she would if she weren't so anxious," she replies as she folds her arms.

"Mind your own business, Marian," he retorts.

"She is my cousin. She is my business," she retorts. "Now leave her alone," she warns and I notice that she is trembling. She is angry with him and I give Anders an alarmed look.

"Andy, you better go to her. We don't need her to lose her temper," I murmur.

"I know, but-," he says quietly.

"Just go to her. I will make sure he keeps his mouth shut," I say firmly and he nods.

"Marian, walk away," he says firmly as he grip her arms.

"Why? He is up to no good," she says.

"Just walk away," he encourages as he slowly pulls her away from him.

"Just leave Jowan," she warns and he glares at her.

"She is my friend, Marian," he points out and I sigh.

"And I have my Harrowing in a few minutes, Jowan and I don't need you hovering around," I say firmly as I fold my arms.

"And she is right," comes the firm voice of the First Enchanter and I feel my face drain of all colour. I look wildly at Marian and Anders and they are inching away from each other. "Please leave us," he tells them.

"It will be alright, Ariana. Relax and look here comes Cullen," she says softly and I turn around. He is standing next to Wynne and he is watching me. He looks very anxious and I want to go to him, but Marian stays my hand. "Good luck, Ariana," she says softly.

"Off you go and don't you two have studying to do?" Irving asks them and they nod.

"Yes First Enchanter, we do. We just wanted to wish her luck," Marian explains and he looks from one to the other.

"How did you find your way up here anyway?" he asks and Anders looks away.

"Anders, you know the rules. Why do you keep on breaking them?" he asks him and he glares defiantly at Irving.

"Because Marian wanted to see her cousin. What harm is there in that, First Enchanter?" he politely asks.

"Fine, I will make an exception this time, but please can you both go to the library and do some studying. Don't you have exams coming up?" he asks and they slowly back away from him.

"Yes Ser, we do. We apologise," Marian says quietly and I notice how she reaches for Ander's hand. Irving notices and he gives a disapproving frown.

"You know we have rules, but I think I will allow this. You are here as a personal favour to your Father, so I will make an exception. Is there anything else you want me to provide for you?" he asks them.

"No, Ser there is nothing else I need right now," she replies sweetly and I nearly laugh.

"Very well, now off you go," he says firmly and they walk off laughing about something.

"And you, Ariana, are you ready?" he asks me and I look away from him.

"I am scared, First Enchanter," I whisper.

"That is understandable, but you are quite talented and you have great strength. You will be fine," he reassures me. I look over his shoulder at Cullen and he looks unhappy.

"Ser, may I go to him please?" I ask.

"Of course you may," he replies.

"Cullen," I whisper and he pulls me into his arms.

"Please come back safe and sound. I don't want to be the one to make you tranquil if it doesn't turn out well," he whispers.

"If it doesn't turn out well, I want you to know that I love you and more than anything, I wish things were different, but you are bound by Chantry Law," I whisper and he laughs in my ear.

"To hell with that, you are mine," he teases as he gently releases me.

"Good luck Ariana and I will be there-" he trails away as I catch Wynne's disapproving glare.

"With all due respect Wynne, you were young once," I remind her and she smiles at me.

"I know and I know how difficult it is. We can't really stop it because it will just go on behind our backs," she says quietly.

"Well, we need to get started, Wynne," Irving says firmly.

"Yes, I know. Let's go."

I follow them into the Harrowing Chamber and my anxiety worsens. There is a font in the middle of it and I freeze. I feel a warm hand on my back.

"You will be fine, love," he whispers and I turn around.

"I am so scared," I blurt out as I try to embrace him, but he catches hold of my hands.

"You will be fine," he says softly as he pushes me away.

"Cullen," I whisper but he turns away from me.

"Ariana, please put your hand into the font," Irving says firmly and I reluctantly turn around.

"What is in it?" I ask as I warily approach it.

"Lyrium," he replies.

"Oh." I warily stuck my hand into and I hear a loud roaring sound as I am slowly pulled into the world of dreams known as The_ Fade_.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

"Anders, stop it," I tease as I burst into another fit of giggles.

"Why? You enjoy it," he teases as he tickles me in the ribs.

"Because I am going to fall off this bench at the rate you are going," I reply.

"No you won't, my love," he whispers as he slips his arms around me.

"How can you be so sure?" I ask and he tickles me again.

We are in the garden enjoying the warmth of the midmorning sun. We skipped out on studying to spend time together because we have exams coming up and we realised would not be able to spend too much time together.

"Well, because I am," he teases as he moves into kiss me, but I gently push him away.

"Love, come on," he teases as he tries again, but I slip away from him. He ambles his way towards me and I start laughing.

"Why are you teasing me?" he asks as he stands within arm's reach of me.

"Because I can," I reply and he frowns.

"Please?" he implores as he slowly close the distance between us. Our eyes lock and the air changes between us.

"Andy," I murmur and before I can think, he wraps his arms around me and he kisses me.

"Mmm...I finally get what I want," he murmurs as he pulls away from me and I can see he wants more.

"We can't, Anders. Not here," I say as I gently pull away from him.

"Fine," he says as he turns away from me and he sat on the bench looking very disappoints.

"Anders, cheer up. We have the whole morning, afternoon and night," I remind him and he gives me a small smile.

"Then dance with me," he suggests as he reaches for my hand. "Can you do that for me?" he asks and I grin at him.

"What do you have in mind?" I ask.

"Mmm...You will see," he replies as he sat up taking me with him. He maintains eye contact with me as he gently cups my buttocks and I sigh as I slip my arms around his neck. He pulls me closer and he starts swaying with me.

"Do you have any idea how well we fit together?" he asks as he gently twirls me around.

"Mmm...No. In what way?" I ask him and he starts laughing.

"Like this," he replies as he presses himself in to me and I stare at him in surprise.

"Anders," I tease and he blushes.

"I can't help it. Since you have come into my life, my world has been tossed upside down," he teases.

"Don't exaggerate," I tease.

"I'm not. It is the truth," he explains as he twirls me around again.

"Tell me about yourself. What happened when you arrived here?" I ask and the happiness leaves his face. He releases me and he turns away from me. "Anders?" I ask as I stand in front of him and he is shaking. "What did I say?" I ask him as I reach for his hand.

"It's not you. It was traumatic," he replies.

"Talk to me, Andy," I encourage as I pull him down next to me.

"I...I am taken away in chains from my Mother at the age of twelve while my Father and siblings sat back. Chains, Marian - who does that to a child? They dragged me away and the only thing they allowed me to keep is a pillow she made for me," he explains. "Um...Come with me and I will show you," he suggest. "Please?" he asks.

"I will come with you," I reply as I hold his hand.

We head back to his room in silence and as he closes the door, he pulls me into his arms.

"How...how do you think her Harrowing is going?" I ask as I place my hands on his shoulders.

"She won't be out for a while and then when she does come out, she will be taken to the dorm to rest. It takes a lot out of one going into the fade," he explains as he touches my cheek. "And I need you," he whispers as he lightly kisses me.

"Mmm...Your pillow," I remind him and he smiles at me.

"Sit down," he suggests as he leads me to the bed. He goes to his cupboard and he takes out a beautifully embroidered pillow.

"Anders, it is beautiful," I comment as I take it from him.

"I know. She gave it to me when I turned twelve and shortly after that, I was brought here," he explains.

"It hurts you, doesn't it?" I ask as I touch his hand and he turns away from me. "Andy," I murmur as he places his hands on his desk.

"You have no idea how traumatic it as for me. They clamped my wrists in chains just in case I used my magic to defend myself," he explains and he scoffs. "Actually, I did release a fireball and it burnt one of the templars and you know what he did, Marian?" he asks as he turns around and his whole body is shaking. "Do you know what he did? He fisted me in the face and he nearly broke my nose," he explains and the anger in his voice surprises me.

"Andy, please calm down," I murmur as I warily approach him.

"Don't tell me to calm down, Marian," he shouts and I step right away from him. "And my Mother - she as so shocked. She did not know what to do and my Father...my Father -," he trails away.

_He is hurting..._ "Andy," I murmur, but I stay where I am and he comes towards me.

"He did nothing, Marian. He sat there and he did nothing. In fact, he smiled at me and he told me _'Serves you right, Anders for being a mage and bringing this curse upon my family._..As if it was my fault for being born a mage... No one in my family has the gift, Marian, my Mother was the only one who recognised my gift of healing, and she tried to help me. She taught me how to use it responsibly," he explains as he closes the distance between us. "And my siblings cowered in the corner and my brother - a strapping sixteen year old cowered in the corner with my sister holding tightly to him," he scoffs and he looks away from me.

"Andy, I...I am so sorry," I whisper as I embrace him and he lets out a strangled sob.

"I have not heard from her since, Mari. She has never written. I...I love her, Marian. I love my Mother," he says, choking back his sobs.

"Let it go, I'm here," I murmur and he tightens his arms around me.

"She never wrote, Marian. I wrote to her, but she never replied. I...I suspect my Father had something to do with that."

Somehow his lips find mine and he kisses me. His face is moist with tears and I start sobbing because I feel his pain.

"Is that why you hate the Templars so much?" I ask and he gives me a small smile.

"What do you think?" he asks as he kisses me with a desperate need. He needs me to fill the emptiness he felt at the loss of his mother.

"Wait," I whisper and he looks at me.

"Mari, please," he whispers as he tries to kiss me again, but I step away from him.

"Wait, love," I whisper as I reach for his hands. "You can't carry this hatred. It will only destroy you," I whisper and he actually smiles at me.

"Love, how can I allow it to destroy me when my heart is filled with love for the beautiful woman standing in front of me?" he asks as he cups my face and I smile at him as he lowers his lips to mine. "I love you, Marian," he murmurs.

"I love you, Anders," I whisper.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

"Anders, stop it," she says as she squirms beneath me. I am tickling her and I am enjoying every minute of it.

"Come on," I tease as I tickle her in the ribs and she burst out laughing.

"Please," she says breathlessly as she tries to push me away from her, but I am holding her too securely in my arms. "Mmm...Why don't you lie still?" I suggest as I skim my fingers up her arms.

"How can I when you are so...close to me?" she asks and I start laughing.

"That bad, huh?" I ask.

"Well, I like having you this close," she replies.

"And why is that?" I ask.

"Well, you are so warm, Anders. It comforts me," she explains.

"Mmm...So, I am your personal comforter?" I ask.

"Well, I find your presence comforting. I find everything about you comforting and there is something about you that reminds me of my Father," she explains.

"Your Father? In what way?" I ask.

"I don't know. You just remind me of him," she replies.

"That isn't much of answer," I tease.

"I know...Mmm...You are warm like him and you are kind and understanding. Is it not enough that I love you?" she asks, frowning.

"Well," I reply as I stretch myself next to her. "That is more than enough for me and I like your father. If we got to know each other, I think we would get along very well, but I somehow don't think he will be impressed that you are my...girlfriend or for want of a better word - lover," I explain and she frowns.

"I am not at home and I don't care what they think. I make up my own mind. It has always been like that. As long as I remain sensible, there is not much they can do about it. Girlfriend, you say. Is that what I am?" she asks.

"I think that much is clear, Marian. Why?" I ask and she touches my cheeks.

"Mmm...I am only asking and yes, I am yours," she replies as she stretches herself on top of me. "Mmm...I still see some sadness in your eyes," she says softly and I look away from her.

"It is a pain I always carry, but since you have come into my life, it doesn't feel so bad. When I am with you, I forget about everything else and the more time we spend together...When you go home, Marian, it is going to be so difficult," I murmur.

"Love, I have only been here for about three months. Two years is a long time and yes, it is going to be difficult, but I can tell you this: I will find you, Anders and that is a promise," she says quietly and I smile at her.

"Not if I find you first," I tease and she starts laughing.

"Mmm...What is the time? Surely she must be finished by now," she says as she sat up.

"I don't know, but we have been here for most of the day. I guess it is early afternoon and I am hungry," I inform her and my stomach grumbles loudly.

"Anders," she says as she slips off the bed laughing at me. I catch her hand and she turns around.

"Wait," I murmur as I pull her back onto the bed.

"Anders," she teases as she allows me to pull her onto my chest.

"What? I just want to kiss you," I tease.

"Really?" she asks as she lowers her lips to mine. "Of course," I reply as I embrace her.

"Mmm...Love, I think we should go and have lunch. Then after that we can see if she is awake," I suggest and she sighs.

"Why, Andy?" she asks as she lightly kisses my forehead.

"Because they are probably suspicious by now," I reply.

"I don't think so. For all they know, we could have spent the morning studying and it is not as if we have done anything we should not have, Anders. We have spent most of the morning talking," she points out and I sigh.

"And kissing," I tease.

"Mmm...That too. Fine, let us go and have something to eat," she agrees.

"Off you get then," I tease as I gently push her off my lap. I watch her go to the door and I can't stop smiling. We are breaking all the rules now and I did not care. She glances at me and I go to her holding out my hand. She smiles at me and she slips her hand into mine.

"I don't care anymore. They cannot stop this, Anders."

"I wouldn't worry, Marian because it will just go on behind their backs. What can they do?" I ask her.

"I suppose there isn't much that they can do," she replies.

"Exactly, now let's go and have something to eat."


	13. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_**Ariana**_

"Ariana, Ariana," a familiar voice breaks into my sleep. "Ari, wake up," he whispers and I smile. _Cullen._"She won't wake up, Anders," he says and I feel a warm hand on my forehead.

"Give her a moment, Cullen. She has been through a hell of a lot. I hear it was a near miss," he comments and I force my eyes to open. I stare up into their concerned eyes.

"Is she awake?" Marian asks as she peers over their shoulders and I smile when I see her blue eyes.

"Marian," I murmur and she pushes her way past them and she reaches for my hands.

"Ariana, thank the maker. You have been asleep for hours."

"What about me, Anders? I am supposed to be her...you know," Cullen comments as they both move away from the bed and I smile.

"Well, they are cousins, Cullen. You really shouldn't be surprised," Anders says with a lot of amusement in his voice.

"Ariana, how are you?" Marian asks and I look up at her.

"You really have beautiful eyes you know. No wonder he is so taken in with you," I tease and she bursts into laughter.

"Ariana," she says as she helps me to sit and she embraces me. "I am so glad you made it. They said it was a close one, but you managed to resist the demon," she explains and for no reason, a hard lump forms in my throat.

"He made promises, Marian. He promised that if I allowed him to possess me, I would be able live free as any other person with Cullen," I explain.

"But you are here. You are now a Senior Mage," she informs me and I give her a small smile.

"That doesn't help the fact that I nearly gave in, Marian, but I held onto Cullen's face, your face and Anders. I found the strength to resist and I had to fight him, Marian. I had to defeat the demon and it was so difficult."

"Well, you are here and I am so pleased you are okay," she says as she embraces me.

"Um...Excuse me. May I please talk to her?" Cullen asks from behind Marian.

"Of course you can. Anders and I are going to take a walk around the garden anyway," she replies as she tries to move away from me.

"Stay please? Both of you?" I ask as I catch Cullen's eye.

"Fine, they can both stay, Ari," he agrees.

"Thank you," I whisper as Marian moves away from me to go and stand by Anders. He slips his arm around her waist and for a moment, I feel jealous of their relationship. They both look happy and content even though they are aware that they are breaking all the rules. _So am I..._ I remind myself as Cullen sits next to me. I warily reach for his hand, but before I can think, he pulls me into his arms and he kisses me passionately.

"I thought I lost you," he murmurs as he cups my face.

"I thought I lost myself," I tease.

"What happened?" he asks.

"What...What do you think, Cullen?" I ask.

"Oh Ariana, yet here you are. As bright-eyed as ever," he reassures me.

"I nearly gave in, Cullen. How do you think I feel?" I ask.

"But you didn't. You need to realise that no one is immune to a demon's promise. Even templars can give into temptation especially if Blood Magic is at work, but here you are and no, I don't love you any less. I am relieved that you come back in one piece," he says softly.

"Cullen," I murmur as I embrace him.

"Mmm...Your room in the Senior Quarters is ready and you will be sharing with Marian," he informs me.

"How did you get that right and does she know?" I ask him as I catch her eye over his shoulder.

"It wasn't my suggestion. It was Anders. He was insistent that in the interests of her well-being and happiness, she share a room with you and no, she does not know yet. He insisted that he be the one to tell her, but I don't know when he will be doing that," he replies.

"Mmm...Well, it looks as if they are going for that walk after all. Maybe he will tell her then," I say as I wave at them. I watch as he wraps her hand firmly in his and I smile.

"And I am sure you must be hungry. You haven't eaten since your last meal yesterday morning," he informs me and I pull away from him.

"That long, Cullen? I have been out of it for that long?" I ask.

"Yes. You had us all quite worried, but why don't we put it behind us?" he suggests as he helps me to my feet. I sway unsteadily and he quickly put his arm around my waist. "I've got you," he reassures me and I smile gratefully at him.

"You are the best, Cullen," I whisper.

"Because you are the love of my life," he whispers for me alone and I blush.

"And we will never be able to be together," I say sadly and he frowns at me.

"I...I know, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves," he reminds me.

"Mmm...How many couples are there in the Circle, I wonder."

"Oh, you will be surprised. A lot of activity takes place in the Templar Quarters, the Senior Quarters and any dark corner they can find," he replies.

"We all deserve to love and be loved, Cullen."

"I know, but things are the way they are for a reason," he points out.

"As if it is our fault we are born with magical talent," I blurt out and I nearly stumble.

"Ariana, please? You need to take it easy," he advises as he steadies me.

"I...I am sorry. It is difficult at times," I explain and he kisses my cheek.

"I know and I do love you. Don't ever forget that," he whispers and I start tingling.

"You know what I need?" I ask as I slip my arms around his neck.

"Let me guess...Tender loving care?" he asks and I grin at him. "Mmm...After you have eaten," he promises.

"What about now?" I ask as I kiss him.

"Mmm...I insist," he replies as he gently pushes me away and I smile at him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

We are taking a slow stroll around the garden and she stops by the bed full of Andraste's Grace. I notice a momentary flicker in her blue eyes and she turns towards me rubbing her eyes. She looks away from me and she sits on the bench with her arms folded.

"Have you written, Marian?" I ask as I kneel in front of her and I reach for her hands.

"No, I haven't," she replies as she starts playing with my fingers.

"Why not?" I ask.

"Because I want to tell them about you, but I don't know how they will react," she replies and I let out a long sigh.

"Just tell them, love. There is nothing they can do about it anyway. You are far from home and I am here for you. I will always be here for you," I reassure her and she gives me a small smile.

"I am glad Ariana made it through her Harrowing," she comments.

"So am I and speaking about that, I have something to tell you," I inform her as I help her to her feet. "It might make you feel better to know that as from tonight, you will be sharing a room with Ariana in the Senior Quarters and what is more, my room is only two doors down," I inform her and she looks at me with disbelief in her beautiful blue eyes.

"How...How did you manage that?" she asks and I grin at her.

"Well, I told them they you aren't sleeping well and because of that, you were struggling to concentrate on your studies and love, remember, Irving did ask you if there is anything else you wanted," I remind her.

"I am sharing a room with Ariana and your room is not far away?" she asks incredulously.

"What could be better?" I ask and I start laughing.

"Anders, thank you. I...I," she trails away. She gazes at me and before I can think, she throws her arms around me and I pick her up. "Thank you, my love," she whispers and I swing her around a second time.

"Maker, you hardly weigh anything. Are you eating enough?" I ask as I set her down.

"Of course I am, Anders. Look at it this way - you are strong so to you, I do weigh nothing," she teases and I embrace her.

"That is true. Would you like me to show you your new room?" I ask.

"I would like that and then I think I will write to my Mother. Will you stay with me?"

"If it means spending time with you, then yes I will stay with you," I reply.

o0o

She stares happily around the room. The beds are opposite each other and they each have their own desk and wardrobe. I notice her bag on the one bed and I smile to myself. I was up here a couple of hours ago to drop off her bag, clothing and books. She heads to her bed and she slowly unpacks her clothes. I stand by the door with my arms folded because I put something in her bag. Something I asked one of the maidservants to buy for me a few days ago and I know she would be pleased. She pauses and she lifts something out of her bag.

"This doesn't belong to me," she says softly and I place my hands on her shoulders.

"It is yours," I murmur and she glances at me.

"You bought this for me?" she asks as she holds up the gold locket allowing it swing slowly in front of her.

"Yes. It is my promise to you that I will be forever committed to you, no matter where the path of life leads us," I explain and she turns around.

"Are you? Are you? Anders?" she asks.

"Well, if you want to think of it that way, then yes, I am," I reply and her face lights up beautifully.

"Anders, it is beautiful. Will you...Please?" she asks and I take it from her. I take my time putting it on and when I am done, I nuzzle her neck.

"I know we are young, but I want you to know that I love you and if we are fortunate enough to ever get out of this place, I want you by my side," I whisper as I slowly trail kisses along her neck.

"You mean that?" she asks as she turns around and I slip my arms around her waist.

"I love you, Marian and I always will even if fate plays a sick joke in separating us, I will always love you," I reply.

"I love you with my whole heart, Andy and it will be a sad day indeed-" she trails away.

"Let us not speak of such things," I murmur as I cup her face drawing her towards me and I gently kiss her. "My sweet Marian," I whisper and she laughs at me.

"I can't believe it, Anders. We are bound as you said and we always will be," she teases as she playfully ruffles my hair. "You should grow it. It might suit you," she teases and I grab her hands.

"Maybe I will, one day," I tease as I slowly inch my way towards the door holding tightly to her hands. "Now we eat. For once, we can eat together. I cannot wait. Imagine what we could get up to?" I tease and she starts laughing.

"Ooh...I cannot wait. I hope it is exciting," she teases and I wink at her.

"You will see," I tease and she drops my hands. I watch in amusement as she flounces her way up the passage.

"Hey Ariana," she greets her cousin as they pass each other and she strides purposefully towards me.

"She seems to be in good spirits. What did you do?" Ariana asks and I grin at her.

"Well, I listen to her and we chat and shit, I must remind her to write to her Mother."

She raises her eyebrows. "That is rather evasive, don't you think?"

I shrug my shoulders. "So what, Ariana?"

"Tell me, Anders. Otherwise I will get it out of her," she teases.

"Why don't you ask her then?" I ask as I try to walk past her, but she grips my arm. "Fine, I gave her a locket. It is my promise...my promise to her..." I reluctantly explain and she releases me.

"She is not going to be here inevitably, Anders. How can you promise that to her?" she asks as she folds her arms.

"Well," I say as I sidle up to her. "I don't intend staying here inevitably either. I will try again and I will succeed," I explain and she frowns at me.

"Don't break her heart, Anders," she says softly as she leaves me alone staring after her in disbelief.

"What is it to you, Ariana?" I call, but she slams her bedroom closed. I shove my hands into my pockets and walk off scowling.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

I notice his scowling expression and I frown. "What now?" I wonder to myself as I stand and I catch his eye. He is annoyed about something. He did not even smile at me and my heart begins to beat painfully. I touch the locket he has just given to me. I know what he is asking and it is what I want. He sits opposite me and he indicates for me to sit, but I go around the table and I sit next to him.

"What is wrong?" I ask as I reach for my plate of food and drink.

"She thinks I am going to break your heart," he replies.

I realise he is speaking about Ariana and I frown. "She is jealous, Anders. Can you not see that? You saw the way she looked at us when she awoke from her Harrowing. She noticed something pass between us," I murmur.

"That is not the point, Marian. Why would I give you this locket if I am going to break your heart? How can I do such a thing?" he asks and he slams his fists onto the table causing everything to rattle around. "Shit," he says as he tries to unclench his fists and I realise he has hurt himself.

"Anders, really, this is not necessary," I murmur as I grab both his hands and I start to heal him. He stares at me in disbelief as my magic envelopes us. I gently massage his hands while I maintain eye contact with him. I notice the relief in his eyes and I slowly pry his fists open.

"Marian, please, it is-" he whispers and he flinches.

"Give me a moment, Anders," I implore as I allow my magic to flow between us. I continue massaging his hand. "You know you do yourself no favours with your temper. What do you think you are going to achieve?" I ask and he actually laughs.

"Well, you are healing me. What more could I want?" he teases and I shake my head.

"You are unbelievable you know that?"

"Mmm," he murmurs as he leans closer. "If it means getting your undivided attention," he teases.

"So that is what is behind it? But surely you do get my undivided attention most of the time?"

"When you aren't studying, I do so at this moment I am going to advantage of your attention," he teases.

"You should feel better," I say as I give his hands a squeeze. "And all I need is a thank you kiss from you."

He looks at me with dancing brown eyes and he smiles at me. "If we were somewhere else, I would," he teases.

"Then perhaps we should finish eating and go to that place called somewhere else," I suggest.

"That really does sound promising," he says as he grabs a plate and he piles it with food. "I must eat first," he informs me and I carry on eating smiling to myself.


	14. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Hawke Family Home, Lothering**

_**Leandra**_

_Dear Mother, _

_I have settled well in the Circle of Magi. I share a room with our cousin Ariana Amell. She heads through her Harrowing last week and she comes through just fine. She is now a Senior Mage and she has a room in the Senior Quarters. Anders - my best friend - managed to convince First Enchanter Irving that it would be better if I shared a room with Ariana. _

_It is terrible sleeping in the Apprentice Dorms. There is too much activity at night and I am not getting enough sleep. My exams have gone well thus far, but I still have a lot to learn._

_We are having a dance coming up. Ariana convinced the First Enchanter that it would be good for all of us to mingle because all we do is study... There is a definite excitement in the air and I will be going to the dance with Anders. He is teaching me how to dance._

_I wish you could meet Anders. He has such a good heart and he is so good to me. He really looks after me and I...I am in love with him. I have been since I first arrived here. He is always there for me and he gives me a gold locket the other day as a promise to me...Make of it what you will, but I am not going to let him go. We are very close and we spend most of our time together that is when we are not studying. _

_Mother, I have something to tell you, but I don't want Father to know just yet - Anders and I, we have been intimate for quite some time and don't worry, I have been careful._

_Now that I have that off my chest - how are Bethany and Carver? I miss them so much. I hope Father is having no trouble with Bethany. I would not want her to come here. It is no life for a child. I have spent some time with the children and they are sad and unhappy. They cry a lot. Some of them are as young as six years old, but the older Mages try their best to make them as comfortable as they can._

_Well, I best be off. I have an exam in a few days and I need to study._

_Send my love to Father and the twins._

_Love_

_Marian_

"What do I do about this, Malcolm?" I ask him as he gives me a mug of tea. It is late evening and the twins are fast asleep. We are spending some quality time together and by the look he gives to me, I am in for something else, but I laugh him away.

"What do you do about what?" he asks.

"This, Malcolm," I reply as I wave the letter in front of him and he smiles at me.

"She wrote? Let me see," he says as he tries to snatch the letter away from him, but I shake my head.

"There is something she wrote that you are not going to approve of and she asks me not to say anything to you," I explain.

He frowns at me and I give the letter to him. "Let me guess - she and Anders are more than just friends?" he asks as he perused the letter. I braced myself for his reaction, but it is not forthcoming. "Leandra, from the first day I met him, when he takes her by the hand, I knew something more would develop, but I didn't realise it was this serious and so quickly. She has only been there for three months," he explains.

"It is so risky. What if she conceives?" I ask as I stand holding tightly to my cup.

"She says she is being careful, love. She is no fool, Leandra. I am quite sure she is aware of the risks and I think we should trust her. She is not a child, Leandra. She proved that to us long ago despite her disregard for the arcane arts."

"I know that, but there is no telling what will happen if the First Enchanter gets wind of their...relationship," I say as I turn around to look at him.

He is smiling about something. "Trust me, they are aware of it and Leandra, stop frowning. Anders is good lad. I like him and he is good for our daughter," he says softly.

"But what happens when she comes home? You read the letter. She is in love with him," I explain.

He stands and he takes my mug from me. "Listen to me, Leandra - we will have to support her when she does come home. If she is really in love with him, maker, it is going to be difficult for her. We will have to be there for her, love," he says quietly as he slips his arms around my waist.

"How can you just accept it?"

"Because I know how it feels to be in the Circle. I know the frustrations and l know the loneliness of it all. It is very difficult for teenagers. You know how it is," he replies as he pulls me closer.

"But Malcolm, I have a right to be concerned," I murmur.

"Love, I know that but we have to trust her and by her letter, she seems to be very happy. And if it really concerns you, then tell her. I am sure she will understand, but don't tell her to break it off because she won't," he advises.

I gaze at him and I frown. "Fine, I will tell her then, but that doesn't mean I am happy about it."

"And I don't expect you to be happy about it, but let her be," he says softly as he gives me a kiss on my cheek, but he allows it to linger. "Love?" he asks me as he lightly kisses me and I slip my arms around him. "That is better," he whispers as he rubbed my back.

"I can't believe is, Malcolm. She is no longer my little girl," I say sadly and he laughs.

"Mmm...She will always be your little girl, Leandra. That won't change," he teases. "Now why don't we go to bed? I have to be up early with Bethany. She is still rebelling and I don't quite know to do about it," he informs me.

"She is only nine. How can she be rebelling?" I ask incredulously.

"She watched her sister for too long...You know, I honestly wish Marian is here to help her. She may be a rebel, but she remained sensible even with all her showing off. She never harmed anyone or herself. Well except for that time she burnt herself," he reminds me and l laughs.

"And you never let her forget it, Malcolm," I point out.

"It is her fault. She has to learn a lesson and she did because she never did that again. Well except for showing off in front of the villagers," he commented.

"And frightening them. That is unacceptable. I am glad you took her to the Circle. If anything, she will learn to value her gift and if Anders is going to help her along the way, then I suppose I will have to accept it," I murmur.

"Leandra," he murmurs as he gently cups my face. "She will be fine and please, I would like some time with you before our children wake up. You know they never sleep through the night. Maker knows why it is like that."

"They miss her. She always told them wonderful stories." I murmur.

"Mmm...Let us go to bed," he murmurs as he gives me a gentle kiss and I start laughing.

"Remember when we first met at the ball my parents takes me to while we still lived in Kirkwall?" I ask and he smiles warmly at me.

"I have never forgotten. There you were standing next to your brother feeling out of place and I simply had to introduce myself to you. I remember," he replies.

"And my brother was furious because I asked him to cover for me while I sneaked out with you onto the balcony overlooking Hightown. Yes, Gamlen - he always resented me because my Father favoured me. I was the scholar and he felt he was nothing in comparison and I fear that Carver is going to be the same. You should spend more time with him Malcolm otherwise we are going to have a problem," I inform him.

"I can't split myself. Bethany needs to learn and I cannot spend too much time with Carver, but what I can do is include him and see what he says about it. If he does not like it, then we know, but you are right - I do need to spend more time with him. And now I insist, we are going to bed and we are going to spend some time together," he says softly as he gently takes hold of my hands and he drags me into our bedroom.


	15. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

_**Malcolm**_

"Carver, stop it." I hear Bethany say as I head into their bedroom. He is pulling her pigtails and she is angry. "Stop it. I will tell on you," she warns.

"Go run to Daddy. See if I care," he says, yanking her pigtails. She scrunches up her face and she starts crying. I notice her hands glowing brightly and I quickly intervened.

"Carver, leave her alone," I warn and he pouts.

"Why should I, Daddy? All she talks about is her magic. She is not so special," he shouts.

"Now you listen to me young man," I warn but he turns on his heel and he fled out of the room. I sigh in exasperation as I kneel and Bethany flies into my arms.

"Why is he so mean, Daddy?" she asks me and I sigh.

"You have magic and he doesn't, Bethany. He feels left out," I reply and she frowns.

"But can't he learn?" she asks.

"No. We are born like this," I reply and she shakes her head.

"When is Marian coming home? I...I miss her," she whimpers.

"Not for a long time, my child, but why don't you come with me and I can teach you how to use your magic in tiny amounts," I suggest.

"No. I hate it. I hate all of it," she says.

"Then you can stay here for an hour until you feel you are ready to listen to me. I won't have you showing off as your sister did," I warn and she starts crying.

"Come here," I murmur as I open my arms to her and she flies into them. I look up as Leandra comes in with Carver hiding behind her dress.

"What now, Malcolm?" she asks, frowning.

"He was teasing her, Leandra," I explain.

"I see, but why don't you explain to your son that it is wrong to tease people?" she asks.

"Fine, I will but-" I start saying when she glares at me.

"Leave the magic lessons today Malcolm and take the children for a walk in the field. Play with them. Do what Father's normally do," she suggests as she folded her arms.

"And you?" I ask.

"I will be writing to Marian. She needs to realise a few things about her involvement with Anders," she replies and Bethany looks at me.

"Who is he?" she asks and I smile at her.

"She is your sister's best friend," I reply.

"Oh. Come Daddy play with us?" she asks as she starts tugging at my hands. It is not long until Carver joins in and I ruffle his hair.

"Then let's go," I say and the delight on their innocent faces warms my heart.

"That is more like it, Malcolm. I will see you later then. Be back before lunch time," she says as she flounces out of the room.

"Well what you both waiting for? Grab a ball. I am sure I saw one lying around and Carver, your kite," I suggest and he beams at me. He runs off to his wardrobe, he pulls out a well-used kite, and he comes back to me, grinning.

"Can I, Daddy?" he says excitedly and I smile at him.

"Of course you can, but you must allow your sister as well," I suggest and he reaches for Bethany's hand.

"Bethany, play with me," he asks and she looks at me for reassurance. I take her hand and I lead them out into the early morning. It is windy and we would have his kite flying in the wind before too long.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

I sit at my desk tapping my pen, trying to decide what I can say to Marian without annoying her. I did not care her that Father said I must let her be. She has to be responsible even more so now that she is intimately involved with a boy she hardly knows. I sigh and I look out of the window. I see Carver's kite flying in the wind and I smile quietly to myself. I am glad their Father is spending some time with his children. He hardly has time for them especially Carver because he is always teaching Bethany how to use her magic properly and he is pushing her. He felt he has made a mistake with Marian and now he is compensating by pushing Bethany. Many nights She comes to me, crying and asking for Marian. It breaks my heart, because Marian loves her siblings. She is their second Mother and she spent a lot of time with them whenever her Father allowed it. Now she is stuck in some Circle far away from her home and me.

I sigh unhappily and I look at my blank piece of parchment. I know what I want to say to her but how do I say it without upsetting her. I gaze out of the window and I notice a young man is coming towards our home. I recognise the black hair and broad shoulders and I realise it is Aaron and I become instantly agitated. I stand up and I open the door before he has even set foot on our porch.

"Good morning," I greet him and he come towards me holding out his hand.

"Good morning, Leandra," he greets me as we shake hands.

"What can I do for you and why are you here? You showed no interest whatsoever in my daughter and now that she is gone," I point out and he grins sheepishly at me.

"Have you heard from her? Do you think I can write?" he asks.

"Why? You made your intentions clear when she approached you about spending an afternoon with her or have you forgotten?" I ask him and he looks away from me with his green eyes flashing.

"People kept on saying she is dangerous, evil," he explains and I frown.

"You obviously don't know the first thing about her, Aaron. She is a teenager just like you, but the only difference is that she happens to be a mage," I remind him.

"And you aren't afraid to admit it are you?" he asks.

"No. I am proud of her and I am proud of what she is becoming. We don't harm anyone by living here," I point out and he grins sheepishly at me.

"I am not proud of the way I treated her. I do like her and I always have," he explains and he blushes.

"You are too late. She has someone else," I inform him and he looks away from me.

"But...Who?" he asks and my heart goes out to him because it is obvious that he is in love with her.

"That is not for me to tell you. Write to her if you must, but do not expect anything else from her. She is deeply in love with someone else," I explain.

"She is only sixteen. What does she know of love?" he asks, frowning.

"She is mature for her age, Aaron and besides that you are sixteen as well," I remind him and he starts laughing.

"This person she is seeing - how old is he?" I ask and I fold my arms.

"I don't see how that concerns you," I point out and he hangs his shoulders.

"You...You are right and I am sorry. I shouldn't make assumptions," he says as he turns around.

"If you must, then write to her, but don't expect anything from her that is the only advice I can give to you," I murmur as I touch his arm.

"Thank...Thank you, Leandra. Have a good day," he says politely.

o0o

I head back inside and I close the door behind me. I don't know what to think about all of this, so I pick up my pen:

_Dear Marian,_

_I received your letter and I am glad you have settled in the Circle. I am also glad you are learning a lot and I hope that when you do come home, you will bring some of those lessons with you, but I guess I should not speak like that because you will not be home for a long time. _

_I miss you, Marian and your siblings - especially Bethany - she cries for you and I sometimes think Carver does the same, but he keeps his emotions bottled up inside. That is becoming more apparent each day and I fear how it will affect him in the end._

_I had a visitor today - Aaron. This is fair warning that you might get a letter from him. I did tell him you are involved with someone else and he was not impressed, but he is young and foolish, but I must admit this young man of yours - Anders - he sounds like a good person and you are obviously in love with him. _

_I do not have a problem with your intimate relationship, but I must stress the importance of when and when not to engage in the activity. As your Mother, I am asking you to be careful. We will have a problem, if you conceive, so please be careful._

_So, is there anything more you can tell me about Anders? I would like to know everything and I cannot believe he is teaching you to dance. From what your Father has told me about him, he seems to be good for you. I can see you are very happy and that pleases me. It seems you are slowly finding yourself and if Anders is part of it, then you have my blessing._

_It also seems you are getting along with Ariana. That is excellent news. I wish to meet her some day. It would be nice to see someone from my side of the family. Send her my love, will you?_

_We all miss you._

_All our love,_

_Mother, Father, Bethany and Carver._


	16. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**The Circle of Magi**

_**Marian**_

I am at my desk and I read my Mother's letter a second time. I am more than a bit annoyed with her, so I scrunched it up and I toss it onto my bed. Who did she think she is telling me to be careful? It is bad enough that we abstained when I know we could not make love just in case. We worried about it constantly. In fact, we spoke about it the other day and he was very good about it.

"Shit," I murmur, dragging myself off my chair and I stare longingly at my bed. I am exhausted. I have been studying solidly for a week for my exams and I feel drained. Our dance is also coming up in a week's time and I am feeling excited about it and so is he. We tried to sneak in a few dancing lessons here and there but it is becoming extremely difficult with my increasing workload. We hardly spent time with each other and I am missing him terribly. I look longingly at my bedroom door and the pull to go to him is very strong, but I stretch myself onto my bed. I put my scrunched letter onto my side table and I sigh. It is bad enough that Aaron is suddenly showing an interest and this did please me at all. I honestly didn't want to hear from him because I have nothing to say to him.

"Shit," I murmur, lying on my side looking at the wall. Ariana is out mentoring children and as for Anders - he is studying for another exam and I am feeling lonely. I close my eyes, I pictured the last time he made love to me, and a low ache starts in the pit of my stomach. I reach for his locket, I recall every kiss, every touch, and I start tingling all over. I stretch my arms above me and I let out a long sigh. He has no idea what he did to me. We blended and I fitted him like a glove. "Oh sweet maker," I moan as I start to react and I am not even doing anything. "Where are you?"

"It depends, who are you looking for?" I open my eyes and I blush. He is standing at the door watching me and I ran my eyes down the length of his body. I come to rest on his nether regions. He is straining and I turn away from him because I am feeling so embarrassed. He starts laughing and I buried my face into my pillow.

"Go away, Andy. You aren't supposed to see me like that," I whisper.

"What? Did you say something?" he asks as I feel his warm body against mine.

"You aren't supposed to see me-" I reply when I feel his hand on my back and I sigh.

"Mmm...You seem to forget that I know every inch of you by now," he teases and I moan when I feel his hand on my skin as he lightly caressed me.

"Sweet maker," I murmur, turning around and I wrap my arms around his neck much to his amusement. "Just kiss me already," I tease and he kisses my forehead. "Andy, no," I protest and He stretches himself on top of me. "Anders," I murmur when I feel his hardened member press against me. He slowly moves against me and I moan. "No," I murmur as I grip his shoulders and he crushed his lips to mine. He kisses me passionately as he slowly moves and I let out a low moan. It has been too long and I am craving his intimacy. I only hoped Ariana would know better than to barge into the room. We never made love in my room. We only ever made love in his room because it is more private, but I need him desperately and I couldn't be bothered.

He explores my mouth with his tongue, deepening our kiss. He moans against my mouth as I explored him relentlessly and he grip my hand. He pulls back and He entwines our fingers. He catches my eye and he gives me a lazy smile as he kisses me. He moves against me and I moan. "Anders, please," I whisper.

"Did she write?" he asks and I groan. I don't want to speak about that. I want him to make love to me. "Well?" he presses and I sigh.

"Fine, she wrote. She told me to be careful and she warns me that some boy is going to write to me. Aaron. I was keen on him once, but he never showed interest," I blurt out as I slide out from under him.

"Until now," he says softly and I turn around to face him.

"Yes until now and Anders, thanks for spoiling our moment," I complain as I seat myself on my cousin's bed. "You might as well leave me alone.

"No, I won't Marian. What else did she say?" he asks as he opens the letter. He quickly peruses it and his eyes twinkle. "So she thinks you might conceive?" he asks.

"Apparently so," I reply. I am aching for him and he does not seem to realise it.

"We are careful, Marian. Maybe we should be extra careful," he suggests as he sits next to me. He places his hand on my thigh and it is just too much. I wrap my arms around him and I kiss him passionately.

"Please," I whisper against his mouth. "I...I need you."

"Mmm...Well if you would allow me to you know-?" he teases and I laugh at him.

"Of course," I murmur as I slip off his lap to allow him to unbuckle his belt and he removes his pants and shorts. He is so ready and this makes my nerves tingle wildly. I strip off my clothes and I reach for his hand, but he pulls me onto his lap.

"Oh my," he whispers as I kiss him. This is something new and I am more than ready to try different ways.

"What do I do?" I whisper against his mouth and he smiles.

"This," he replies as he gently guides me onto his erection. "Oh my," he blurts out I moan as intense pleasure sweeps through me. He wraps his arms around me as he traces kisses along my jawline.

o0o

"_Next time we_ don't leave it so long," he teases and I burst out laughing. I am feeling very satisfied and by his contented expression, so is he.

"Except for one week every month," I remind him and he grins at me.

"We don't have a choice, love. Do you know what they do with babies?" he asks.

"I...I don't think I want to know," I admit and he gives me a kiss on my forehead.

"They get taken away as soon as they are born and they are given to the Chantry," he replies and I look away from him.

"That is so cruel, Anders. It is wrong. They have no right. They have no right at all," I say quietly and I start crying. "It is not going to stop me, Anders."

He frowns at me and he kisses away my tears. "Don't cry, Marian. We will be extra careful and besides we seldom make love. Our studies keep us occupied," he says quietly.

"I know, but like today, I am aching for you," I inform him and he gives me another smile.

"Why do you think I come? I am feeling the same is as you," he replies and I smile at him. He smiles mischievously at me. "Perhaps you should spend every night with me, love. We do not have to make love. Being together is what you would like, I think and to be honest, I want to go to sleep knowing you are right beside me," he teases.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ariana<strong>_

I am ready to go into my room and rest after spending the afternoon mentoring a couple of children, but as I got closer, I hear a lot of laughter and I smile to myself. I knew she was missing him, so I brace myself as I open the door and I step inside. They are lying on my bed sharing some private joke and I notice the untidy sheets and discarded clothing. I realise what has happened and I am not surprised to see it. He is kissing her and she slips her arms around him. They are oblivious to me standing there and I notice a pair of white buttocks. I smile to myself and I tiptoe my way to them and I give him a light smack.

"What the-" he says as he turns around and she stares at me in surprise and I laugh at them. They are so surprised and they are blushing profusely.

"Caught you," I tease as I sit at my desk. He is trying his utmost to cover himself, but he is failing miserably.

"I...We...It is not what you think," she stammered and I laugh at her.

"I didn't say anything, Marian," I tease and she buried her face in his chest. She is so embarrassed and so is he, but he is also angry.

"You should have knocked," he points out and I shrug my shoulders.

"Anders, this is my room. I don't see why I have to announce myself," I inform him and he gives me a withering glare.

"I...I know that. I just didn't expect this," he says softly.

"Anders, you don't have to explain yourselves to me. I know how frustrating it has been for the two of you. You have been studying hard and so has she. It is understandable if you want to spend some time together," I reassure him and he smiles gratefully at me. "And I can always go to your room, if you want more time," I suggest.

"No, it is not necessary, but if you will excuse us," he says quietly.

"Oh, you want to get dressed?" I ask and he nods. "I won't look," I promise as I turn my back on them. I hear a lot of laughter and I simply have to look, so I glance at them out of the corner of my eye and I nearly let out a sigh when I notice how muscular he is. He is so broad. His arms, chest and legs are very strong and he is taller than she is. She is gazing at him with utmost adoration. As for her, she is so petite. His hands could easily fit around her waist and she is very slender. I turn away from them and I smile to myself.

"Love, come here," he says softly and I glance at them. He wraps his arms securely around her and he whispers something to her that causes her to blush. I am pleasantly surprised at how well she fits into his frame. I turn away from them again because I don't want to intrude on their private moment.

"See you later?" he asks her rather hopefully.

"Do you really have to go?" she asks and I turn around to look at them. He is holding her hand.

"I have to study, Mari and so do you," he replies and she looks away from him.

"But I miss you," she says quietly and he touches her chin.

"I know you do. You know where to find me," he says as he embraces her.

"I will come to you, Andy. I can't bear another night without you," she murmurs and he grins at her.

"That's my girl," he teases and she swats him on the arm.

"Go on with you," she teases as she ushers him out of the room. She closes the door behind him and she joins me on her bed. I am busy reading her letter and it left me frowning.

"She is right - you both need to be cautious," I advise and she frowns at me.

"Spare me the lecture, Ariana. I could say the same for you," she says.

"And who in the maker's name is Aaron?" I ask her and she glares at me.

"Some stupid boy back home. I used to be keen on him, but he was never interested in me. He always looked at me with such loathing and now he wants to write. I don't get it," she replies.

"You are in the Circle and suddenly he takes an interest? It doesn't fit, Marian," I inform her.

"And what makes it worse, is that he is a young Templar recruit," she says as she starts twisting her hands.

"I don't like the sound of him, Marian. If he writes I wouldn't bother replying and besides what is he compared to the young man you are in love with?" I ask.

"He is eighteen, Ariana and I am really sorry you walked in on us. I don't think it will happen again," she says quietly.

"When is your birthday?" I ask.

"I will only turn seventeen next year. My birthday was six months before I came here. It was then that I really started fighting against my gift. The frustration I felt about not having any friends and the feeling of being feared and hated by the villagers - it angered me," she explains and to my surprise, she starts crying. "I love Anders, Ariana and the thought that when I go back home, that I might not see him again, it kills me."

"I know how hard it is, but if he truly loves you, he will find a way to find you. If one thing is certain, he will definitely escape the Circle and no doubt, he will seek you out because he is a very determined man. He has attempted to flee five times already and now I think he will wait for the right moment, but I honestly do not think he will attempt it now. He loves you too much and I do not think he wants to hurt you. He gives you a locket. Am I right in assuming it is some sort of commitment or proposal?" I enquire.

"He didn't outright ask me, but his intention is clear," she replies.

"But you are so young. How can you be so damn sure he is the one for you?" I ask.

"We feel it in here," she replies as she rests her hand over her heart. "It is difficult to explain, but I know with certainty that he is meant for me. We fit so well together. It is...Mmm...Two halves coming together as one," she says softly.

"Believe me, I did notice how well you fit into his frame and what surprised me is his muscular frame. I didn't realise he is so muscular," I explain and she smiles at me.

"He is so gentle. You would not think so, but he is for someone who is so broad, "she whispers."I love him. I doubt that will change."

"Well, look at the time. You must be hungry. Would you care to join me for supper?" I suggest and she smiles at me.

"I would love to. Do you think he will be there?" she asks.

"He says he has to study, so I don't know, but if he is hungry enough, he will join us," I reassure as we linked arms and we traipsed out of our room, up the passage and into the Dining Room.


	17. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

_**Marian**_

I grab a plate of food and a cup of tea and I join Ariana at our usual table near the door. We always sat here. It made it easier if I am waiting for Anders or if he is waiting for me. I sigh wistfully and I look around at all the other mages. Some are talking amongst themselves and others are just eating. I sigh again and I look at my plate.

"You should eat something," Ariana suggested and I look up, straight into her green eyes. "Otherwise, he won't be happy if he finds out you are not eating."

"It is not that, Ariana. I...I...Fine," I say as I ate some vegetables. I grab my mug and drank some tea."So how do you enjoy mentoring the children?"I ask and her eyes light up.

"It is so satisfying, Marian. I think I might consider going into teaching. They need someone to look up to and they need someone to teach them. I want to be that person. I want to be like Wynne," she replies, smiling.

"I think you will make an excellent teacher, cousin and by the way, how is," I lean closer, "Cullen?" I ask and her eyes light up.

"We are fine. I...I might go to him later, so if you want, you could ask Anders to, you know," she suggests and I blush.

"I don't think we can...It is very intense," I whisper and she laughs at me.

"Well, what I did see, I gathered as much. So I am going to ask you: how is he?" she asks and I look away from her. Just thinking about him, made me tingle. "Mmm...With that strong body, he must good," she teases.

"It is none of your business," I say as I grip my mug.

"Mmm...Well, guess who is on his way here," she informs me and I turn around. He is standing by the door watching me and I wave at him, but he went off to the canteen and I turn my attention back to Ariana. She is frowning about something and as I am about to ask her, she stand up.

"I have nothing more to say to you, Jowan. You know I can't tell you about my Harrowing," she says firmly.

"Ariana, they haven't told me when I will be doing mine. I am sure I am going to be made Tranquil," he says quietly as he sits in her vacated seat.

"Listen, Jowan, I can't tell you and you have to accept it and by the rumours that are still going around about you dabbling in Blood Magic, I wouldn't be surprised," she says, folding her arms.

"How many times must I tell you that I am not dabbling in Blood Magic?" he asks.

"Jowan, there is not much I can tell you. Perhaps you should speak to the First Enchanter. Maybe he feels you aren't ready for your Harrowing. I would wait and see if I were in your shoes," she suggests.

"But you aren't Ariana. You are a Senior Mage. We both joined the Circle at the same time. I should have has my Harrowing by now," he says as he rounds on me. "And I might as call you a senior seen that you share a room with her," he says and I stare at him in surprise.

"This has nothing to do with me, Jowan. Why are you bringing me into it?" I ask.

"I know about you and him, Marian. I have seen the way you look at each other. Everyone knows," he retorts.

"Jowan, I think you should leave. She is here as favour. She will only be here for two years," Ariana intervenes.

"And I have heard that she will going through the Harrowing sometime as well. Apparently she has potential unless it is Anders who is behind all of this," he says and I stand up.

"This is really not your concern, Jowan," I warn and I balled my hands into fists. I am getting angry and my magic is stirring restlessly beneath my skin. "Ariana, please tell him to go, otherwise we are going to have a problem," I warn.

"Huh, so the truth comes out," he scoffed and I nearly hit him, but I feel a familiar hand on my arm and I whip around.

"Marian, let it go. You haven't worked so hard to only let yourself down," Anders says quietly and he wanted to smile. "By using your fists," he teases and I start laughing.

"Anders, finally you are here. Why did you take so long?" I ask.

"Well, I am getting a plate of food for myself and I start chatting to some of the other mages. They seem excited about this dance the Circle is holding for us," he replies as he set down his plate. "Please sit?" he asks as he pulls a chair out and I giggle.

"You are such a gentleman," I tease and he smiles at me. "Why wouldn't I be?" he asks me and I sit down, laughing.

"And you are still here, Jowan," I say.

"Ariana, I need to speak to you when you have the chance," he informs her and she glares at him.

"Fine, when I have a moment, I will speak to you, but it won't be tonight, so please run along and chat to Lily. I hear she has been missing you, Jowan. I hope you are not messing her around because she is a good person," she warns and he glares at her, but he says nothing. He stalks off without a backward glance.

"Finally, peace," I murmur. I quickly seek out his hand that is resting on my thigh. He entwines his fingers with mine and he starts eating his food.

"How did you studying go?" I ask and he gives me a goofy smile that made me laugh. "You are such a happy-go-lucky person, Anders. How do you manage to keep up your spirits?"

"Me? Well, I have you to keep me on my toes," he teases.

"It might interest you to know that I am being serious," I murmur and he squeezes my hand.

"I have always been happy-go-lucky and relaxed about things. I try to take things in my stride. Ask Ariana, she will tell you," he teases and I rounded on her.

She is smiling at us. "He is right, that is why I try to spend a fair amount of time with him, but he didn't really take much notice with his head buried in some book all the time," she explains.

"But my nose is still buried in a book. That hasn't changed...much," he says seriously and I squeeze his hand.

"You don't fool me, Anders. You can't really keep your eyes off my cousin," she teases as she stands up. "Well, I think I am going to go to my room. I need some time to relax after spending most of my day teaching youngsters. I will see you both tomorrow."

"I doubt I will see you until tomorrow anyway," I tease and she walks away, laughing at us. I catch his eye just as he pushes his empty plate away from him.

"I think I am going to my room and study some more," he informs me and I frown.

"But you have only got here," I protest as he gently releases my hand.

"I didn't say I want to go on my own," he whispers as he stands up. "See you in bit?" he asks hopefully.

"Well as long as you help me with some of my studying," I reply.

"What are you struggling with?" he asks.

"Some healing recipes - I don't know all the herbs and some advice on healing magic would be good," I reply.

"I can help you, so you will be coming?" he asks and I smile at him.

"I will be there in half-an-hour," I promise and he went off whistling. I watch him go and I cannot stop smiling as I gather our empty plates and cups. As I neared the canteen, First Enchanter Irving stop me.

"Marian, I believe you have done exceptionally well with your studying. Wynne cannot stop singing your praises. You are a talented young mage, it seems, but I want to hear from you. How are things? It seems you have settled well and you have made some friends namely in the forms of Anders and Ariana."

I give my plates to the servant and I follow him to an empty table. "I am happy, Ser. I have learnt so much thus far and my proudest achievement is that I have learnt to control the amount of magic I use. I have realised how dangerous the gift of magic is and I have learnt to respect it," I explain and he patted my hand.

"That is excellent news and I believe you have settled well with your cousin?" he enquires.

"Well, yes. I spend a lot of time studying and I hope to do well in my upcoming exams. I...I also get a lot of help from...Anders," I explain.

"Mmm...I hear so and I believe things are more than a bit serious between you?" he enquires.

"How...How much do you know?" I ask and he smiles at me.

"I am young once. I know how it feels, but as long as it does not interfere with your studies, I will be happy and speaking about that - We have decided to put you through your Harrowing before the year is out. I have discussed it at length with Wynne and a few of the other Senior Mages and they have agreed that you are more than ready to go through it. We have also agreed, although I had to fight tooth and nail to get their consent, if you come through it, you have our permission to move into Anders room," he explains and I nearly fell out of my chair in disbelief.

"But First Enchanter, it is forbidden and it won't go down well with the others," I say quietly.

"Forbidden, Marian? Since when does that stop the others from sneaking into their respective lover's rooms to spend time with their...friends? Since when has it stopped the others from sneaking into each other's beds in the Apprentice Dorms? We know exactly what goes on here and yes, we have has a few unexpected surprises along the way, but we have dealt with them accordingly. We cannot stop it, Marian. If we try, we would have quite a few problems, but we have enough with the rumours flying around that some mages are dabbling in Blood Magic," he explains.

"I have also heard the rumours, but nothing more," I comment.

"And if you suspected someone, you would do well to inform me," he advises.

"Of course, Ser," I agree.

"Well, I best be off. Sleep well. We will let you know as soon as we have set the date for your Harrowing. If you want advice, speak to Anders. He always seems to know everything about this place," he says, smiling and I laugh.

"He does get around and thank you First Enchanter," I say politely as I stand up.

"No, thank you, Marian. Study hard and do us proud. Do your Father proud," he says and I nod. I head off smiling to myself and I cannot wait to tell Anders my good news.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I reread my notes on healing magic and I knew she would find them most useful. I put them on my desk and I grab my book on using Spirit Magic. I find this school very interesting because it showed me how to use spells to counteract any negative magical affects. What I find fascinating is a spell I can cast allowing me to absorb a portion of a mage's mana. I have never tried it of course because I have a strong reserve of mana and I can control how much I need without too much effort.

I look out of window and it is very dark outside and I am starting to worry that Marian would not be coming after all and I toss my book onto my desk. I remove my clothing except for my shorts. I only slept in my shorts and when she is with me, I sleep without anything. I enjoyed feeling her skin against mine and as I am thinking about this, a slow ache spread from my stomach to my nether regions and I groan. It did not matter that I has made love to her already today, but I need her and she is taking her time. I lay on my stomach and I close my eyes, but that did not help me because all I can see is her beautiful face.

"Marian," I murmur and I hear my door open. I did not look because I did not want to be disappoints and I hear a soft thump as it closed. "Marian," I whisper and I hear soft laughter. It is not long until she is lying on top of me. I can feel she is only in underwear.

"Hey you," she whispers into my ear and I grin. "Are you awake?" she asks and I hear the disappointment in her voice.

"What do you think?" I ask and she kisses my back.

"Please turn around," she whispers and I sigh. I did not want her to see what she is doing to me, so I manage to lie on my side and she presses herself into my back.

"Mmm...It would be better if you take off your bra," I tease and she laughs at me.

"Then you must take it off," she teases and I slowly turn around to face her. She is definitely smiling about something.

"What happened?" I ask as I reluctantly sit up and she stretches herself next to me. I catch sight of the swell of her small breasts and I touch them.

"My Harrowing is going to take place before the year is out," she replies, breathlessly.

"That can't be all," I tease as I push off her bra exposing her.

"No. First Enchanter says - and I think you will like this - he says that if I come through, I can move into your room," she says quietly and I stare at her in disbelief.

"Really? He says that?" I ask her as I gently massage her nipple and she lets out a low moan.

"Yes, really, but you don't seem happy," she says as she reaches for my hand.

"I am happy. I am just surprised. I think this would be the first time, Marian. You are going to sleep in my room?" I ask. I am warming to the idea. What could be better than having my girlfriend sharing a room with me? "I can't believe it, Marian."

"I can't wait, Anders. I already sleep here as it is. It would simplify things for us. No more sneaking around in the early hours of the morning," she says as she sits up.

"Marian, you do realise that it is not all fun and games. We will still have studying to do and we will not be able to all the time. I have exams. You have exams," I remind her and she looks away from me.

"Then perhaps it isn't a good idea. Fine, I will tell First Enchanter to scrap that idea," she says as she slips off the bed. She pulls on her robes before I realise what is happening and by the time I did, she is standing at the door glaring at me.

"I think you would be pleased, Anders, but I guess I am wrong. I will see you in the morning," she informs me as she stalks out. I jumped off the bed and I hastily dress myself. I bolt out of the room and I catch up to her just as she is about to go into her room.

"Wait, you didn't give me a chance," I explain as she whips around. The tears are streaming down her cheeks. "Marian, come back with me," I murmur as I slip my hands into hers. "Please?"I implore.

"But you said-" she whispers.

"I didn't say I was not pleased. On the contrary, I am, now please come with me so we can talk," I suggest. "Please, Mari?" I whisper and she blushes. I take this as a yes and I gently led her back into my room. I did not care that there are curious faces sticking out from behind their doors. We have already broken every rule since our involvement and if I had my way, I would have her moves into my room tomorrow. I did not see the point of waiting until she heads through her Harrowing and for first time since she told me about it, I start feeling anxious.

She drops my hands and she settles herself on my bed as I close the door. I am relieved that we are in the relevant peace and quiet of my room. I watch her twist her fingers and I kneel in front taking her hands into mine. "Stop doing that," I murmur as I gently massaged them and she closed her eyes.

"I love you and if I want to spend time with you, I will because before we realise it, I will be going back to Lothering and leaving you behind," she says sadly.

"You really don't know me that well?" I ask and her brow creased into a frown. "Marian, I can tell you now that I will find you. Tell me whereabouts you live and I will find you. They won't be able to keep me here."

"We own a small home on the outskirts of Lothering. It has a small field and we live very close to the Chantry. You will have to take the _Imperial Highway, _Andy. It is the main road in Ferelden. It is what we travelled on before we arrived here. You have probably noticed pillars and stones in the lake. That is also part of it, but being a Circle of Magi, they had to destroy most of it to prevent any mages from escaping," she explains and I start laughing.

"Of course I know about the highway, love, but isn't Lothering on the other side of Ferelden?" I ask.

"It is three day's journey by carriage and it is not that far, but on foot - it might take longer. Follow the Highway and you come to a village called _Redcliffe_ and from that point keep following the Highway until you see a big windmill in the middle of a field. Lothering is very close to the Highway, "she explains and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"That is good to know and I promise to find you, but for now, why don't we enjoy our time together?" I ask as I slip my arms around her.

"What do you think of me moving in with you later in the year?" she asks and I beamed at her.

"I want to be with you and I can't wait, but we will have to split our time between studying and each other. We might be forced to draw up a time table," I tease and she starts laughing.

"We can do that, but we don't have to worry about it now anyway." She slips her arms around my neck and I pull her onto my lap. She touches my cheek and she kisses me gently at first, but she slowly inched her tongue into my mouth and I locked lips with her where a wild dance began. She leans into me and I lay down taking her with me. I made myself more comfortable as she straddled me and I smile at her.

"Andy, tell me about your Harrowing," she says quietly as she as cups my face.

"I can't," I say as I ran my hands down her sides, to her hips and I squeezed her buttocks.

"First Enchanter says I can ask you. He reckons you know you way around the Circle," she teases as she traced kisses along my cheeks.

"I have been here for six years. Of course, I know my way around the Circle...Well, it is different for all of us. The Fade represents itself in a form that is familiar to us," I explain and she pulls back slightly giving me a look that says, _"Please go on."_ I am very happy to oblige.

"When I head into the Fade, it represented itself as my parent's home, but the deeper I head into it, the more like the Circle it become, so basically it will form itself into something that we are familiar with, especially places that make us happy. With you, you might see Lothering and your home," I explain.

"My home? Where I am happiest?" she asks.

"Well, yes. It is always something familiar, but as for me, it is mainly the Circle I wandered through and the demons – sweet maker, they are very persuasive, but I wasn't fooled," I explain and she frowns.

"You are scaring me, Anders," she says as she abruptly slipped off the bed and I am left feeling cold without her warmth.

"That is the idea, but what you must realise is that they can be very convincing, love. They will test you and they will push you, but you must remain firm in your resolve, but sweetie," I say quietly as I stand up and reach for her hand. Her small hand curlsd into mine and I pull her closer. "I think you will be fine. Mmm...Perhaps you should read a couple of books. We have several in the library. The one that I find most interesting is called _Demons and How to Avoid Them_. It teaches you about the different types of demons and it gives advice on how to resist them. It is mainly theory, because no one knows what to do until they come face-to-face with one. Then it requires quick thinking, cunning and strong willpower," I explain.

"Now you are really scaring me," she says softly as she looks away from me.

"Love, don't worry about it. You are stronger than you give yourself credit, I have faith in you, and I love you. That should be enough to get you through it, but love, it is still a long ways off. I wouldn't worry too much about and why don't we go to bed?" I ask sweetly and she smiles at me.

"I am tired," she says as she yawns. "But I am supposed to be studying. Did you find your notes?" she asks and I head to the desk and I hold up the notes.

"Here you go. I hope they will help you," I reply and I give them to her.

"Thank you. Maybe I will study for about an hour, but if you want to go to bed, then do so, but I am staying here for the night," she informs me and I grin at her.

"Whatever makes you happy, love," I tease as I settle myself on the bed and she settled herself at the desk. I kept my eye on her as she studied my notes, but every so often, she would shoot lingering glances at me and she blushes each time. I smile to myself because I know exactly what is going through her mind. For someone I have known for only a short while, I feel as if I have known her forever and I laugh.

"Anders, please?" she asks me as she gives me a warning look and I toss my pillow at her.

"Don't you think you have studied enough for the evening?" I ask as I stretch myself onto my back. I glance at her and she is busy taking out a piece of parchment and she starts frowning. "Now what are you doing?" I ask. She glances at me, smiling as she reaches for my pillow and she tossed it to me.

"Writing to my Mother," she replies.

"Oh." I sigh because she didn't seem to realise that I want to spend some time with her.

"What do I tell her, Anders? I am annoyed with her for lecturing about being cautious," she replies.

"Mmm...Why don't I reassure her?" I suggest as I lean against the desk."You...You would do that for me?" she asks incredulously.

"Yes, I would," I reply. She looks at me for a while and then she pushes the parchment to me. I sit on my bed and I grab a book to press on. "Love, what is her name?" I enquire.

"Leandra," she replies and I smile at her.

"That is a pretty name, but it is not as pretty as yours," I tease and she laughs.

"Don't tease me, otherwise I will come over there," she warns and I grin at her.

"And I would welcome it," I tease as I turn my attention back to my parchment.

_Dear Leandra,_

_My name is Anders as you know and I would like to tell you that I love your daughter very much. She has brought so much happiness and joy into my life over the last three months. I cannot explain to you how happy she makes me. To put your mind at ease, we are being cautious. I love her and that is what matters._

_Anders_

"So, what do you think?" I ask as she peers at my letter.

"Well, she should worry less, but I must also reassure her," she replies as she takes the letter from me and she sits at the desk. I stand up and I peer over her shoulder to see what she is writing.

_Dear Mother,_

_Well you have sort of met Anders now. I hope it will put you at ease. As he says we are being cautious and please stop worrying about me. I know what I am doing. To be honest, I have never felt so sure of anything in my life. I love him, Mother. We share a connection that neither one of us understands...yet. Perhaps when we get older, we will understand, but as for now, he makes me happy and he keeps me on my toes..._

"Love, tell her that you keep me on my toes," I tease as I lean over her. She takes a deep breath and she looks up at me. "Tell her how much you love me," I tease as I kiss her forehead. "Tell her," I whisper as she slowly stands up and she turns around. "Tell her how gentle I am with you," I murmur as I kiss her. She slips her arms around me and I remove her robes. "Tell her everything," I tease as our kiss deepens and she laughs softly.

"I will if you give me the chance," she murmurs against my mouth.

"Mmm...I can wait," I tease as she slips out of my arms and she sits at the desk again. I lay on her bed and I once again keep my eye on her.


	18. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

_**Marian**_

"Anders, I need to rest. We have been dancing for what seems like hours," I tease as I try to drag him to our table.

"Sweetie, please? One more?" he asks, smiling.

"Andy, I am so thirsty," I reply.

He shrugs his shoulders. "Fine," he says and he led me to our table. We has huge tankard of cider and he filled our mugs to the brim. I drink a mouthful and I sigh contently.

"They have gone to a lot of effort," I comment as I look around the Great Hall. Tables are set out around the dance floor and everyone is having a good time even the Templars. Everyone is breaking all the rules and the Knight-Commander is not impressed.

"I doubt they will allow this again not with more rumours flying around about Blood Magic," he comments and I frown.

"Andy, I am damn sure Jowan is dabbling in Blood Magic. He has heard nothing about his Harrowing and as far as I am concerned, I doubt they will consent to him doing it," I explain.

"And I have heard that Lily has been sneaking around. One can only guess what she is doing. Do you know that I saw them in the Chantry yesterday, kissing?" he asks.

I smile at him. "Anders, we aren't any better, but in the Chantry? That is disrespectful."

"Love, we are very discreet," he reminds me.

"I know," I murmur as I sought out his hand that is resting on my thigh. "Anders," I murmur as we entwine fingers.

"I can't believe you achieved full marks for your exam," he says softly and I grin at him.

"I have a good teacher and his notes are excellent," I tease.

"Well, I think we should dance a bit more," he teases as he pulls me to my feet and I sigh.

"My feet are killing me," I protest and he laughs at me.

"Then I dance with you," he teases as we weaved our way through the crowd of dancing mages and templars. We find a quiet spot and he lifts me onto his feet. "I do all the work," he teases as we begin to sway to the music.

"Did you send your letter to your Mother?" he asks.

"Yes, I did and stop worrying, Anders. She won't be annoyed," I reassure him. He added more to my letter much to my amusement.

"I have never felt this way about anyone and to be honest, I don't think I will again. You are mine, Marian. I do not care that we are mages and that we will probably spend the rest of our lives as apostates. You are mine and you always will be," he says quietly as he pulls me against him. "No matter what happens, you will always be my Marian," he whispers for me alone and I slip my arms around his neck. He gives me peace and I don't want to lose it. We resume swaying to our own private music.

"Mmm...I am ready to go to bed," I whisper and he tightens his arms around me.

"So am I. Why don't we get out of here?" he suggests as he releases me.

"I would like that," I agree and as we are about to head for the exit, First Enchanter comes in with a man. He looks about my Father's age. "Who is he?"

"I...I don't know," he replies as he slips his hand into mine. "Come with me," he whispers, but First Enchanter claps his hands and everyone stops what they are doing.

"I have an announcement to make, but firstly, I would like to thank all of you for coming to this event. I can see you have all enjoyed yourselves. If it were in my power, I would have something like this at least twice a year, but as it is, it is not purely my decision. I would also like to inform you that we have removed all the books on Blood Magic from the library and stored them in a safe place. The reason being is that the rumours are true, Blood Magic is being practised and the Knight-Commander, myself and the other teachers will be doing what we can to find the mages. We have always believed in giving every one of you some leniency, but if we do not find the culprits, we will have to put strict measures in place. Blood Magic cannot and will not be tolerated," he explains and everyone starts speaking amongst themselves. I find myself leaning heavily against Anders and he wraps his arms securely around me.

"That will not stop me from spending time with you," he whispers.

"Well, once I pass my Harrowing, I will be with you all the time," I tease and he laughs against into my neck.

"Attention everyone. I am pleased to introduce Karl Theckla to you. He will be mentoring anyone who is interested in the Elemental School of Magic and his skills are quite impressive," he announced and the man I saw earlier, stepped forward. He is very grey and he has a moustache. "Welcome to the Circle of Magi," First Enchanter says as they shakes hands.

"Thank you, Irving," he says politely and we all applaude.

"Another damn teacher. Don't we have enough?" Anders asks.

"He might not be so bad, Anders," I say as we ambles towards them. I cannot help noticing Karl watching Anders and I shiver.

"Are you cold?" he asks as he pulls me closer.

"Mmm...I am cold yes, but surely you can warm me up?" I ask as we walk past them.

"Sweet maker," he teases as we step out into the passage. It is deserted except for a couple of templars standing watch. We amble past them but they stare resolutely ahead of them and we started laughing. "You would think they would get stiff necks, Marian."

"They probably do, but come on Anders, I am hungry for some loving," I tease and he pulls me closer.

"Not tonight. Tonight we sleep," he suggests and I sigh.

"Not if I get my way," I tease and I drag him up the passage, into the peace and quiet of his room. I spent every night with him and you could see it. My books are stacked neatly on his desk and papers are strewn on the desk from our long nights of studying together.

"Do we really have to sleep?" I ask him as I collapse onto his bed. "And my feet are killing me," I complain as I remove my shoes.

"I can help with that," he suggests.

"Then please do. Sweet maker, they are so sore, Anders," I murmur as I stretch myself onto his bed. He starts massaging my feet and I feel the all too familiar sensation of his healing magic flow through my body. "You are so good at healing," I comment.

"Unlike you," he teases and I start laughing.

"Hey give me some credit for trying at least," I tease and to my surprise, he starting kissing my foot. "Maker, Anders," I murmur as I start trembling. I sit up and I lean on my hands as he traced a path of kisses up my leg. He pushes my robes up around my waist as he kisses my knee and I end up lying down as he traced feather light kisses up my thigh. I am trembling so much and he laughs at me.

"Enough for now," he teases as He stretches himself next to me and I lie on my side. "Mmm...You are so beautiful," he murmurs as he caresses my cheek and he kisses me. "Goodnight, Marian," he murmurs as I mould myself into his frame and he wraps his arms securely around me. "Goodnight Andy," I whisper.

o0o

"Hey beautiful. Rise and shine," he calls as if from a distance and I reluctantly open my eyes. I stifle a yawn and I close my eyes.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"It is nearly 8am," he replies and I sigh.

"So what? We don't have class today," I point out.

"Well, Karl Theckla will be giving a demonstration of his skill outside. I think you would want to watch. You said yourself that you aren't that good at healing and Wynne has told me that you prefer fireballs, lightning bolts," he replies.

"When did she tell you that?" I enquire as I raise myself onto my elbows. I am holding his pillow in my arms.

"Love, does it matter?" he asks and I smile sleepily at him.

"No of course not. Fine, I will go with you," I murmur as I lay down. "I am so tired," I complain.

"It is only going to be an hour or so," he says as he massages my shoulders.

"Alright," I agree as I turn myself onto my back and he settled himself on top of me.

"Good morning," he whispers as he kisses me.

"Oh. I see it now. You just want me in your arms," I tease and he grins at me.

"I surrender myself to you. Arrest me if you must," he teases and I start laughing.

"I might do that you know," I tease as I pull him in for another kiss.

"Mmm...And we better get going," he says as he sits up taking me with him. He kisses me again as he lifts me onto his lap. "Love," he murmurs as he nuzzles my neck. "I want you so much," he murmurs.

"Then you have me," I whisper.

"Mmm...I would like to know, but we should go," he reminds me as he gently deposits me back onto the bed. "We can't all the time, Marian. As much as I want to, we cannot," he says quietly and I realise he is feeling frustrated.

I slip my arms around him. "Breath, Anders, breath," I suggest. "Just breath...Relax...Take it easy," I tease and he starts laughing.

"I am relaxed, but you drive me wild. If we aren't in the Circle, I would make love to you every day," he explains as he turns around. His brown eyes are blazing and he is shaking.

"Relax. I do not expect us to make love every day. It is you, I crave. I ache for you, for your touch, your kiss," I explain. "Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. Sometimes my head spins so wildly at times I feel as if I am going to fall over."

"You are exaggerating," he teases as he folded his arms.

"Oh, but I am not. It is the truth," I tease as I playfully reach for his hands and he smiles lazily at me as he slowly pulls me towards him.

"Mmm...Tell you what, why don't we skip the demonstration and we have breakfast instead. I feel rather hungry," he suggests.

"My thoughts exactly and then we go for a walk around the garden and we breath in some fresh air. I like that idea," I inform him.

"There are some clean robes in my wardrobe," he informs me.

"And how did get you hold of them?" I ask as I hold it against my body. They are light blue and I smile to myself. "Of course he would choose light blue," I say more to myself than to him, but he heard me.

"Your eyes are beautiful, Marian. Put them on," he suggests. I glance at him as I pull them on and I cannot help noticing the appreciation in his eyes. He comes towards me and he places his hands around my waist. "I have ways and means, love," he teases.

I laugh. "I see that and thank you. They fit beautifully," I say quietly and he embraces me.

"I love you," he whispers and I pull back.

"I love you, Anders. Why don't we go and have breakfast?" I ask and he laughs at me.

"Off you go then. I still need to get dressed. I will see you in a bit." He ushers me to his door, but before he let me go he pulls me into his arms and he kisses me.

"Mmm... I can wait for you, you know," I suggest.

"Mmm...I know, but I will be there soon," he teases as he opens the door for me.

"What are we doing this for? Everyone knows, Anders," I remind him and he laughs.

"I know and I would like it if you did wait for me," he teases.

"Then I am going to wait for you," I tease as I head back into his room. He has no sooner closed the door behind me when he kisses me.

"Anders," I murmur as we pull apart to breathe and he smiles at me.

"I can do this all day, Marian," he teases as he gently pulls away from me. "But I should get dressed."

"Then get dressed, Anders. I will meet you in the Dining Room," I inform him as I open the door, but he catches hold of my hand.

"Stay. Please stay?" he implores and I swatted him on the arm. "Ouch my love, that stung," he teases and I laugh at him.

"I don't believe you, Andy," I tease as I seat myself on the bed. I keep my eye on him as he dressed himself and I let out a wistful sigh. I enjoyed looking at him and I enjoyed being in his warm, strong arms. He keeps on shooting glances at me. He gives me another smile as he seated himself next to me. I reach for his hand and I entwined our fingers. "Are you ready?" I ask him as I stand up and I don't let go of his hand. "I am tired of hiding. I cannot be bothered about what the others think," I explain as he raises my hand to his lips.

"Well, I don't care either. One day we will be free from Chantry Law," he declares as he lightly kisses my hand and I shiver. "Mmm...You really have beautiful skin," he murmurs and I start laughing.

"Well, before you get too excited, I am starving."

He gazes up at me and he gives me a charming smile. "Well, I am hungry as well, but not for food."

"Well?"

He starts laughing. "I am hungry for you," he teases and I flounced away from him much to his amusement. "Well, I am," he teases as he joins me just as is about to go out of the room.

"Well, then we will have to sate that appetite, but only after I have eaten breakfast," I tease and I leave him standing there as I head up the passage. I paused by the Dining Room door and I turn around. He is scowling as he shuffled his way up the passage.

"Disappoints?" I tease as I wink at him.

"Well, I am, but I am sure you will make it up to me later," he replies with downcast eyes and I laugh at him.

"Lighten up, Andy. I am sure you don't want me to starve."

"Of course not and come to think of it, I am starving as well, but I am aching for you."

"Mmm...It might interest you to know that I ache for you all the time and right now, I am going to explode, but before I do that, why don't we have something to eat?" I suggest as I force myself to walk away from him. He is making me tingle all over and my cheeks are so warm.

o0o

_As I head to the canteen_, I hear someone shouting and I recognise the voice. I turn in the direction and Ariana is yelling at Jowan about something.

"I have had enough, Jowan. You have done nothing but harass me since my Harrowing and I am tired of it. It is not my fault they think you are not ready. If it worries you so much, speak to the First Enchanter."

"I thought we were friends, Ariana or is your cousin's influence too great? Have they been spreading rumours about me?" he asks and I stare at him in disbelief.

"How dare you bring her into this, Jowan? This has nothing to do with her," she retorts.

"Then it is Anders," he says.

I feel his hand on my shoulder and I glance at him. His normally friendly brown eyes are flashing with anger.

"For the love of the Maker, don't involve him," she says in exasperation.

"Then what is the problem?" he asks.

"My problem is you and your constant nagging. I will not tell you about my Harrowing, Jowan. As I said, speak to the First Enchanter about your concerns," she says softly as she turns around and she walks out. I catch Jowan's eye and he gives me an icy glare.

"How dare he? How dare he bring us into it?" Anders asks as he moves away from me. He strides purposefully towards Jowan and I become seriously alarmed.

"Shit," I say as I ran after him and I grab his arms. "Anders, no. He is not worth it and you will only get into trouble. Please walk away."

"He is causing trouble for us, Marian and I won't stand for it and if he is worried about the rumours, then they must be true," he points out.

"Anders, you are better than this. Please walk away. Focus, Anders." He made no move to do as I ask and I stand in front of him. "Anders, look at me," I say firmly, but he refuses. "Anders, you will look at me," I say forcefully as I fold my arms. He looks at me. The anger slowly left his eyes and a deep sadness and hurt replaces it.

"Why shout at me?" he whispers. "Why?" he asks and I stand there feeling shocked, then confused.

"What? I wasn't shouting...If that is what you think...If that is -" I murmur as I turn on my heel and I flee out of the Diningroom trying my best not to cry. I did not need anyone to see me like this. I did not need everyone to realise how deeply in love I am with him. I find my way into my room and I sit on the bed wrapping my arms around my legs, trying to find some comfort, but it is only a need he could fill.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

"Marian," I murmur. I watch helplessly as she bolts out of the Diningroom and I turn on Jowan. "Is that what you wanted, Jowan? Are you...Are you trying to cause a rift between us?" I demand.

"Why would I want that, Anders when I...when I am in love with a girl?" he replies.

"Then explain to me why you has the audacity to bring her into your little spat with Ariana?"

"Because since her arrival she has no time for me. All she does is spend time with you and Marian," he replies and I laugh at him.

"You are wrong. Have you not noticed how busy she is mentoring youngsters? I think you are making excuses, Jowan. Besides that, they are cousins. She is entitled to spend as much time with Marian as she wants." I wait for him to say something but he refuses to look at me. "Unless you are jealous?" I ask. "And this is pointless. I am done speaking to you. I don't see why we have to explain ourselves to you. Take Ariana's advice and speak with the First Enchanter," I suggest as I make a move towards the door.

"Anders is it true that Marian will be put through her Harrowing before the year is out?" he enquires.

I sigh and I turn around. "Yes, it is true."

He looks away from me. "It doesn't seem fair. Most of us wait years before we do the Harrowing," he says quietly.

"It wasn't my call, Jowan. The First Enchanter decides when he feels the mage is ready to take the final test. None of us know until he makes the call," I explain as I turn away from him. I need to see if my girlfriend is all right. "You will get your turn. Be patient."

I shove my hands into my pockets and I amble into the passage. I knew she would not be in my room because she is upset with me.

"Shit," I say to myself as I slowly went up the passage, past my bedroom and I stand uncertainly outside her door. I can hear her crying and I lean against the door. I cannot believe I was such an arse accusing her of shouting at me when all she is doing is trying to help me. I can feel her pain in the very depths of my soul and I knocked.

"Marian," I call softly.

"What...What do you want?"

"Please let me in. I need to talk to you," I reply. I can almost feel her on the other side of the door and I find this new feeling interesting. "Please," I take a deep breath. "Mari," I whisper as I lean my head against the door. I know she is on the other side. I can feel her. "You know I have all day to do this," I tease. "And I have endless patience. So I think I will just sit down and wait for you to let me in."

"That is not necessary," she says softly as she peers out at me. I notice her red-rimmed eyes and a lump forms in my throat.

"I am sorry," I whisper as I slip my hand onto her cheek. "Please let me in?"

"What do you think I am doing?"

"Well, you are keeping me waiting and I must admit, I do deserve it, but love, please?" I implore and she rewards me with a beautiful smile.

"And I am about to collapse," I tease as I steady myself and this only made her frown and she swings open the door. She grabs my hands, drags me inside and she unceremoniously pushes me onto her bed.

"Maker, what have I done to deserve less than gentle hands?" I tease and she glowers at me. "Sorry. Bad timing," I say sheepishly and she laughs at me.

"Anders, I am trying to help you, you know, but what happened between you two after I..."

"After you left me staring helplessly after you?" I ask.

"Well, yes," she replies.

"Nothing happened. I gave him something to think about and I think he is jealous about you and Ariana. He asked me if it was are true about your Harrowing. I told him yes and then I told him to speak to the First Enchanter about his Harrowing. He also feels Ariana has no time for him, but Marian, honestly since she has been mentoring the youngsters, we hardly see her unless we have our meals," I explain.

"Love, please come here," I ask as I hold out my hands. She is standing by Ariana's bed. Her hair is tousled and her cheeks are very red. "Just come here," I encourage and she ambles towards me. I take her hands into mine and I gently pull her onto my lap. "I am sorry, Marian. I was being an arse and I am not afraid to admit it. I realise you were only helping me and do you forgive me?" I ask.

"Do you really need to ask?" she replies as she leans closer. "You know I have forgiven, Andy."

"Well, let's see, shall we?" I tease as I slip my arms around her. She kneels with her legs on either side of me and she cups my face.

"Let me show you," she murmurs. She looks into my eyes and she smiles. "This should be enough," she murmurs as she gently kisses me.


	19. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

_**Anders**_

"I was wondering when you would join us," Karl greets me as I join the rest of the mages for a lesson that is going to take most of the morning. I am not impressed because I need to study for yet another exam. I sidled up to Marian and I slip my hand into hers. She is excited to learn more about the use of Elemental Magic like fire and ice, earth and lightening. Karl has been at the Circle for a month and today is the first time he managed to get all the mages to meet him in the Courtyard for this lesson. I have done everything in my power to avoid him because he is always hovering around asking questions and I am tired of it.

"Do I have a choice, Ser? I do have a fair amount of studying to get through and I do know a fair amount about the use of Elemental Magic. I, myself, am good at casting lightening spells." I raise my hand and a small ball of lightening appears. It rises and bobs towards him.

"Not so fast," Marian murmurs as she releases a small ball of ice and engulfs my ball freezing it into place for a minute and then it shatters showering him with snowflakes and I laugh at his outraged expression.

"That is deliberate isn't it?" he asks and I catch Marian's eye. She is trying her best not to laugh. "And I think that is enough showing off from you two," he reprimands us.

"Right," I say as I fold my arms and I look at my feet. I did not like the way he keeps on looking at me. "And for the record, Ser, I am not interested. Make of it what you will," I inform him as I glare at him.

"Andy, keep quiet," she murmurs as she touches my hand.

"And I need to speak to you about something," I say quietly as I smile at her.

"I know. I have more things to ask you about my next exam. Later, in the library?" she whispers and I grin at her.

"Later, in my room," I whisper and she giggles.

"Alright you two. Pay attention please," Karl reprimands. "Thank you. Now as most of you already know, the Elemental School of Magic can be dangerous if not used in the right situations. Have anyone of you has a bad experience with this school?" he asks and Marian raises her hand.

"I release a fireball in the field near my home and it got out of control. I ended up burning my arm as I extinguished it," she explains.

"And why did you do a foolish thing like that near a village?" he asks and she glowers at him.

"I am showing off, if you must know, Ser," she replies.

"A young mage with a fiery temper, I see," he says lightly.

"Be careful, Ser or you might find your robes on fire," she says cheekily.

"And she is cheeky. Maker help us all," he teases and she glares at him. I grip her hand and I am shocked at how she is trembling. She is angry.

"Ser, this is supposed to be a lesson, not a reprimanding session," I announce as I gently pulls her away from everyone. I glower at him and he looks away from me.

"You are right, Anders. Forgive me, Marian," he says quietly, but she is not listening to him. She is very tense and she is trying her best to remain in control.

"Andy, I don't need this," she says.

"Then come with me. I can teach you all you need to know about this school." I lead her back into the Library and we settle in a quiet corner.

"Thank you, Anders. I felt like exploding. I have never felt so humiliated in my life," she explains.

"He went too far and I don't think he will do that again. Does he make you uncomfortable?" I ask.

"He does, but he seems to like you and that annoys me," she replies.

"So you have noticed? Well, you need not worry about that. My heart belongs to you," I tease and she smiles at me.

"I trust you, so you need not worry about that. Maybe he needs a friend," she suggests.

"And I hope you aren't expecting me to befriend him because I am not going to."

"Why would I do that when it means you will have less time for me?" she asks and I start laughing.

"Between you and my studies, I don't have much time for anything else and speaking of which, what would you like to know about Elemental Magic?" I enquire.

Her face lights up. "Everything you know. Mmm...Wynne did tell me that you are good at using lightening magic. Would like to share with me?" she asks.

I lean back in my chair. "I am good at it yes. Would you like me to show you?" I ask as I form a ball of lightening on my hand. It rise into the air and moves to Marian where it explodes showering her in sparks.

She laughs at me. "Don't tease me so."

"Mmm...But you should know how to use protective enchantments. Say you are surrounded by enemies, how you are going to push them back?" I enquire.

"You mean like this?" she asks as she touches her forehead and a force of energy hit me causing me to see stars. I give myself a shake.

"Exactly like that," I reply as I close my eyes. "That is quite strong, Marian. Please do not use it on me again. My head feels all wobbly," I murmur.

"I...I am sorry. I did not realise it is that strong. Are you going to be alright?" she asks. I feel a cool hand on my forehead and my stars disappears. I open my eyes and look directly into her blue eyes.

"I will be, don't worry," I reply. "Do you know of any other protective enchantments?" I enquire and she closes her eyes. I feel a pleasant sensation ripple through me and I smile. "That is a yes."

"Where did you learn all of this?" I ask.

"Well, my Father was an excellent teacher, Andy. He used to stay here when he is young man. First Enchanter Irving taught him all he knows," she replies.

"And why are you here again?" I ask, grinning.

"Because I am full of shit and my Father doesn't tolerate it. I know why he doesn't and I have only myself to blame for being an irresponsible teenager," she replies as she folds her arms.

"Hey, relax. Just tell me what else you know."

"Mmm...I know as much as you, Anders," she explains as she releases a ball of ice and it shatters above us showering us in snowflakes. She stands up and ruffles my hair and the flakes settled on the desk.

"Then you don't need further lessons. All you need is practise."

"No. All I need is you, "she teases.

"Mmm...Why don't we take a walk around the garden?" I suggest as I get up.

"I would like that," she murmurs. We link arms and we amble out into the midday sun. It is a beautiful day and I can smell the fresh lake water. We come to a balcony and we look down into the Lake.

"One day, I will escape, Marian and you know what? I will go straight to you," I murmur.

"That is if you don't get caught," she reminds me.

"I won't, I promise."

We gaze out over the lake and we could just see the Inn that is near the Docks. She sighs quietly and she shoves her hands into her pockets.

"Mmm...I have something for you," she informs me as she pulls out a crumpled piece of parchment. "This is for you, Anders. It seems my Mother took it upon herself to write to you. I have not read it, so I have no idea what she wrote. I only hope it is good news."

"Well, let me have a look." I take the letter from her and I move away from her.

_Dear Anders,_

_I am surprised when I got your letter along with Marian's, but when I read what you has to say, I know I has to write back. I am pleased to hear that she is very happy and I am grateful to you for being there for her. Her Father and I are extremely concerned about her, but from what I can gather from her letter, this is the happiest she has ever been. She feels she has met the man for her. I am quite surprised when she told me that because she is only sixteen, but love happens when one least expects it. _

_We would like to give you our blessing because we know how difficult life can be in the Circle. I want her to be happy and if you are the man she wants to be with, then you have our blessing._

_Sincerely_

_Leandra_

I fold it and stuff it into my pocket. She is still looking out over the balcony and I slip my arms around her. "I love you, Marian," I whisper as I nuzzle her neck and she giggles.

"What did she say?" she asks.

"It seems we have your parent's blessing, love. She also says she is grateful to me for being there for you."

"Their blessing?" she asks as she turns her head slightly.

"Yes, that is what she says. Read it," I suggest as I give it to her.

"I can't, Anders. It is addressed to you, not me," she says softly.

"Love, please? I insist. What did she say to you?" I ask.

"She says that they are pleased with my progress thus far and they are both pleased that you are in my life...I can't believe it, Anders. They know it is forbidden, yet they have already accepted you as part of the family. She also feels you are good for me," she explains. "Mmm...You are a Hawke now, Andy," she teases.

"Mmm...Not just yet, but someday I will be. The locket I give to you is proof of that," I whisper and she starts laughing.

"If we are ever free," she says quietly and I turn her around.

"Who care if it is forbidden? The Chantry cannot always control some things like whom we fall in love with. They think they have full control, but there are many apostate mages living out there with families. One day we will be free of their grasp. For now, I am happy to live for today and I want to live it with you," I say quietly as I cup her face. "I love you," I whisper and I kiss her.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

I sigh happily as he embraces me. I am where I want to be and I want to be with him. "Why can we not stay this forever?" I ask as I look up into his smiling face.

"I want the same as you, but we are stuck here through no fault of our own. We did not ask to be born like this. Why must we be punished?" he asks, frowning. "But I honestly don't want to talk about it because all it does is upset me. It makes me want to rise up and tell the world that there is nothing wrong with us, but if I did that, it would be frown upon by the Templars and the First Enchanter. If anything, I will be called in and reprimands," he explains.

"Has it happened before, Anders? Have you been called in?" I ask.

"A couple of months before your arrival here, I was in the Great Hall telling everyone what I think. Many of the mages disagreed with me, but a fair few agreed with me. It caused a bit of fighting. I was called into Irving's office and I was reprimanded. He told me that if I did that again, they would have to separate me from everyone," he explains and he sighs.

"Marian, they have solitary confinement cells in the Circle. They do not use them unless it is necessary, but he did warn me to rather keep my opinions to myself because everyone was upset and damn right, they should be. At least I gave them something to think about. I don't discuss it with anyone...Well, except for you because you share the same ideals as me."

"Well, we can always talk about it in the privacy of your room or my room," I suggest and he smiles at me.

"Mmm...Do you know how good it would feel if we are free to live as any other person? Do you know how good it would feel to bring up our children without the fear of them being taken away from us? To live without this fear - I would be happier if it is like that, but it is not," he explains.

"Love, do you know that you won't be stuck here forever? I cannot see you living out your life here at the Circle," I tease and he smiles at me.

"I will definitely not stay here forever...I...I," he stammers and I place my finger on his lips. "Mmm..." he mumbles as he reaches for my hand and he kisses each finger in turn. He then takes my hand and places it over his heart. "I...will...find...you," he murmurs as he leans towards me. "And we still have about eighteen months...Enough time for you to help me think of a way to escape," he murmurs. He is so close; I can feel his gentle breath on my cheek and he caresses my cheek.

"You want...my help?" I murmur as he is about to kiss me.

"What...do...you...think?" he asks hoarsely.

"Of what?" Ariana asks and we hastily pull away from each other.

"It...It is not your business, cousin," I reply and she winks at me.

"Whatever. Karl was not impressed that you skipped out on his lesson you know," she informs us.

"Well, he humiliated me and why do I need to learn about all of that when my Father taught me everything I know?" I ask.

"What? What did he say?" she asks.

"He humiliated me, Ariana. Why must I explain myself?" I ask and she steps away from us.

"I...I am sorry," she says softly. "But that is not why I come looking for you. I would like to know how things are and perhaps we could spend some time together," she suggests.

I smile. "Well," I start saying when he slips his arm around my waist.

"We are fine, Ariana. In fact we are going to go back to my room to...study for a while," Anders informs her much to my delight.

"Really? I don't see you two doing any amount of studying and to be honest, I would like to spend the afternoon in my room, relaxing. They have cancelled the afternoon classes so that Karl can show the children the dangers of Elemental Magic. He asked me to ask you if you would join them. I said I would try and now I have. You aren't going to go are you?" she asks.

"No, he is right. We have studying to do and Ariana, you do look tired. Too much teaching and too much fun at night," I tease and she blushes.

"You know how it is. See you later."

"Studying? I doubt that will happen," I tease and he starts laughing.

"Definitely not. Come, love, please?" he implores and I allow him to drag me inside.

"What is the hurry, Anders?" I ask as he releases me. He lies on his bed beckoning me to join him. I laugh softly as I straddle him. "Well, what do you have in mind?" I tease as I make myself comfortable. "Or do I already know the answer?"


	20. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

_**Anders**_

"Marian, wake up. Love, please?" I call as I gently touch her shoulder. She is dreaming...again. This is the fourth night in a row, but tonight is the worst. Her beautiful face is covered in a thin sheen of sweat and she is tossing and turning. "Mari love," I try again, but she thrashes her arms wildly and she connects me on my cheek. "Shit," I complain as a million stars swim dizzily in front of my eyes.

"No...Please...," she moans. "I won't...I won't..."

"Marian, wake up," I murmur as I straddle her. I hold her hands securely in mine, but she continues struggling. "Marian, wake up," I say forcefully and she opens her eyes. She starts crying and I sit up pulling her into my arms. "Wake up, love. I am here," I whisper and she slips her arms around me.

"I am scared, Anders. My Harrowing is a week away and I am so scared. I dream of demons, shades and abominations. They try to possess me. I cannot take it. My head feels as if it is going to explode," she explains.

She has been preparing herself for her Harrowing for the last two months. They told her shortly after we skipped out on Karl's lesson that she had two months to prepare herself and she has been studying non-stop. Day in and day out, she has her nose buried deeply in her books trying to learn as much as she can about the Fade and demons. I know she is pushing herself too much, but she refuses to listen to me.

"You need to give it a rest. No more studying and no amount of studying is really going to prepare you, love because no one knows what to expect," I explain softly and this only makes her cry harder.

"You are supposed to make me feel better, Anders," she teases as looked at me and I smile at her.

"I am making you feel better. Just give me a second," I tease. I grab a cloth that I have put on the sidetable just in case I needed. I wipe her face clear of the sweat and tears. When I am done, I kiss her forehead and I lie down with her straddling me. "You worry too much, love and I think you will be fine, trust me I know what I am talking about. I've been down this road before and I am here to help you," I remind her.

"But I am afraid, Andy. What if I am not as strong as I think? What if I do give in? I don't want to be made Tranquil," she says quietly as she reaches for my hands.

"You will be fine, love. I know you will come through. You are a very gifted mage. Healing may not be your best strength, but you still give me a run for my sovereigns," I tease and she actually smiles at me.

"I am not as proficient as you, Anders, but thank you."

"Well, we are awake, is there anything you would like to do or would you like to go back to sleep?" I ask.

"Well," she murmurs, leaning towards me. "Does this maybe give you an idea?" she asks as she lightly kisses me.

"Early morning loving, I see," I murmur.

"Very early morning loving," she says. She kisses me again. I caress her arms and it causes her skin to break out in gooseflesh.

I gently move her off me and I lie on my side as I pull her against my body. I kiss her deeply as I caress her legs. I pull away from her and I slowly slip my hand under her nightgown seeking out her small breast.

"Anders," she moans when I gently squeeze it. I move my hand to the swell of her buttocks and I pull her as close as I can. She slips her hand into my shorts and she gently caresses me. I move onto her and she slips my shorts off my hips. "Anders," she moans as I slip off her nightie exposing her body. I reach for her hands and I stretch her arms above her.

"Andy," she moans and I kiss her. She wraps her arms around me and she grips me tightly as we move as only lovers can move.

o0o

I force myself to wake up and I realise it is nearly midmorning. I gently disentangle her out of my arms and she protests.

"Love, we have to go to class. We are already late," I say quietly as I ease myself onto her. She definitely looks better, but I want to see her blue eyes.

"Mari love," I murmur as I gently brush her hair out of her face and she starts smiling.

"I don't have class for the rest of the week, Anders. They feel I need time to prepare myself properly for my Harrowing and they also suggested that I rest, so that I am good and ready to take on my fears in the Fade," she explains.

"And what fears do you have?" I ask.

"Losing you and losing my family," she replies and I frown.

"Why do you fear that?" I ask.

"Because it is what matters to me. You matter to me and so does my family," she replies, stifling a yawn.

"I love you to," I tease. "And I think I am going to give class a miss today to spend time with my favourite person," I tease and she blushes.

"I love you more," she teases as she tries to stretch herself.

"Good morning," I tease and I give her a kiss.

"Anders, you tease. Good morning to you, my love," she whispers as she cups my neck. "Another one?" she asks and I am happy to oblige.

"Why don't we get up?" I suggest and she sighs.

"If I were at home, I would stay here all day just taking it easy. Sharing stories with my boyfriend and laughing about nonsensical things," she teases.

"Well, we can always do that, you know."

"I know. Well, tell me more about the farm you are born on," she suggests.

"Love, you would love the farm. It was so beautiful and peaceful, but I doubt I will go back there," I say.

"Why? What about your Mother?"

"What about her, Marian? I haven't seen her for years,"

"But she remains your Mother, Andy. You shouldn't write her off."

"Marian, leave it. You know it upsets me," I murmur as I look away from her.

"She loves you, Anders," she says softly and I sigh.

"One day, maybe I will go back, but I don't feel like facing him again. I might just kill him because it was he who prevented any contact between my Mother and I," I explain.

"You mean, your Father?" she enquires and I nod. I am close to tears and I try to wipe them away before she notice, but she is too aware of me emotions.

"Anders," she murmurs as she draws my head onto her chest. "I am sorry for mentioning it," she says softly.

"It is not your fault, Marian. It is a pain I carry and I doubt it will ever go away," I whisper hoarsely.

"I know and I am sorry. I am here for you. Always," she murmurs.

"And I am grateful to you. You are the best thing in my life and the only sure thing. I just wish we were somewhere else," I say quietly and we fall into a companionable silence. I start smiling to myself when I recall the cat I had as a boy. "Love, do you know that I have a great love for cats?"

She gives me a surprised look. "No, but you have now," she replies.

"On the farm I had a ginger cat called –"I start saying when she touches my lips.

"Let me guess – Ginger?" she asks and I grin at her.

"Yes...How...How did you know? It doesn't matter. He used to curl himself around my neck and he did nothing but purr all the time. I hope to find another cat or kitten some day," I explain.

"Are you dropping a hint, Anders?" she asks and leaned towards her. "Maybe," I reply and she smiles at me. "For a big man such as yourself, you have a soft heart and you are always so gentle, especially with me," she teases.

"Mmm...With you, I can only be gentle and that is because you give me a peace I have never known and you make me happy, but I am starving. Why don't we go to breakfast?" I suggest.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

He is laughing at me as he drags me up the passage. I am not keen to go to breakfast, but he insisted. "Anders, do we really have to go?" I try again but he is adamant.

"Your Harrowing is in a week and you need to eat, Marian," he says firmly.

"Don't keep on reminding me, Anders. I am anxious enough as it is and besides that do think-"I am saying when I hear my cousin shouting at someone. I glance at Anders and he is frowning. We push our way into the Dining Room only to find Ariana and Jowan have a word-slinging match.

"Fine, I will help you, but then I ask you to please leave me alone," Ariana shouted at Jowan and he folds his arms.

"If you help me, I will not bother you again and that is a promise, but I need your help quite urgently," he says softly.

"Not today, Jowan. I am too busy. I have class after class and I will not have a chance until tomorrow and that is a big maybe," she says with a resigned look on her face.

"But I need that-?" he says.

"And I need permission," she gives him a warning look. "And you said just now, you will be in the Chantry later?" she asks.

"Not so loud, Ariana and if you have a problem getting permission, ask Anders. I hear he can be very persuasive," Jowan scoffs and she glares at him.

"How dare you bring him into this? This has nothing to do with him or my cousin. Just keep that in mind," she retorts.

Anders sidles up to her and he slips his hand into hers. "Walk away, Ariana," he advises and she allows him to lead her to our table. She lets out a long sigh as she sits down.

"What...What did he want?" I ask

"Maker knows. He will not tell me what this is about and he also told that I must request a permission slip from the First Enchanter to sign out a rod for magical research," she replies.

"Why would you need one of those?" I ask.

"Yes, why? Do know what they are used for?" asks Anders.

"I know they can be used to open magical objects that can't be opened by using normal magic," she replies.

I catch his eye and he is frowning. "Did he not tell you what he needs it for?" he asks.

"No. As I say he wants to speak to me later in the Chantry," she replies.

"Please be careful, Ariana. If this involves his use of Blood Magic, you are going to get into trouble," he advises and she glares at him.

"If it means getting him off my back, then I will help him and besides, someone saw him cast a spell using his blood the other day," she informs us and Anders stand up.

"So the rumours are true?" he states.

"I...I don't know, Anders and why are you questioning me like this?" she demands.

"You should report him, Ariana. If you don't, I will," he points out and she abruptly stands.

"Do you are honestly think I don't know that, Anders? But what do you care? He is not hounding bothering you or Marian. He is bothering me and I have has no peace since my Harrowing. He nags me constantly and I have had enough," she explains as she looks at me. "Besides, you would do the same," she says softly.

"I wouldn't help a mage who is dabbling in Blood Magic," he retorts. "And contrary to what you think - I do care about you. I always have. You are the sister I wish I had," he says quietly and she looks away from him.

"I have to do this, Anders. I have to," she says quietly. She walks out leaving us staring after her in disbelief and he rounds on me.

"I am going to report this, Marian. I don't expect you to back me up, but the First Enchanter needs to know," he informs me as he stalks off, leaving me feeling confused as to what is happening. I let out a long sigh and I join the long queue at the canteen. I am starving and I am upset because he was supposed to sit with me as he promised.

I grab a bowl of cereal and a mug of tea and I am deep in thought about Anders. I don'trealise it has grown silent until a young mage elbows me in the ribs.

"What?" I ask in annoyance and she points to the door. The First Enchanter is chatting to a man. "Who is that?" I ask and she shrugs her shoulders.

"I don't know, but I think we are about to find out," she replies.

"May I have everyone's attention please?" First Enchanter announces. "I would like to present to you, Duncan of the Grey Wardens."

"A Grey Warden here?" I ask and everyone starts speaking amongst themselves. My Father told me about the Order a couple of years ago and my Mother told me that one of our cousins defeated the Archdemon during the Third Blight. He sacrificed himself to save the world. We have a family heirloom of his that is sitting proudly on a bookshelf at home. It is known as _Garahel's Helm_. They found it a distance away from the site where he destroyed the Archdemon. They never recovered his body and what made his story most interesting is that he was an elf.

"Why is a Grey Warden here?" I ask myself.

"Most of you are wondering why he is here and I am going to tell you if Duncan does not mind," he informs us as he glances at Duncan. He nods his consent.

"He is here to recruit a few of you to boost their ranks in Denerim and I expect all of you to make him feel welcome. He will be here for about two weeks," he informs us.

I head back to my table and I start playing with my food. I am no longer hungry. I am feeling uncertain as to why a Grey Warden would be here to recruit some of us. I grip my cup and I stare at nothing in particular. I hear a chair scrape along the floor and I look up. He frown at me.

"What?" I ask.

"You...You look terrible, Marian," Anders replies. "What happened?"

"Have you not seen him, Anders?" I ask and he raises his eyebrows.

"Heard what?" he asks.

"A Grey Warden is here to recruit some of us," I reply in exasperation and he smiles at me.

"Why should that worry you?" he asks.

"I don't know, Anders," I reply. I push my bowl away from me because I am feeling agitated for what reason, I did not know.

"Alright, just relax," he says softly, but it did not work. "Marian, tell me what is bothering you," he says as he reaches for my hand.

"Don't you know the stories?" I ask.

"Of course I do, but I don't see why that should worry you," he points out.

"Fine...What if they recruit you, Anders? What then?" I blurt out. "You do realise it is for life if you are recruited? We will never see each other again."

"Marian, they won't recruit me. I am too much of a rebel," he teases.

"You are not as rebellious as you claim to be," I point out.

"Look, I am only teasing you, but I honestly wouldn't worry about it and if they try, I would refuse," he explains.

"Anders, you are not listening to me! If they invoke the _Rite of Conscription_, you will have no say in the matter, "I point out and he stand up.

"I honestly think you are worrying about nothing. Is it not enough that your Harrowing is a few days away? You need to stay focussed and if you worry about this, you will not be able to focus. Think about that," he says firmly. I refuse to look at him. He is right and I know it, but I am not going to give him the satisfaction.

"I...I think I am going to take a walk," I inform him. "You can join me or you can do your own thing."

I am nearly by the door when I feel his warm hand on my cool arm. "Not so fast," he says softly. I turn around to glare at him, to let him know I am annoyed with him, but he is smiling at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Walk with me," he suggests. "And I won't take no for an answer," he teases and I feel somewhat reluctant, but he reaches for my hand. "Just walk with me. We don't have to talk or anything."

"Fine, I will come with you," I agree.

"Perfect. I think fresh air will be good for you. Where do you want to go? Do you want to sit in the garden or out on the balcony?" he asks.

"Anywhere would be fine as long as you are with me," I reply.

"Well, come along then," he teases.


	21. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

_**Ariana**_

I slowly make my way to the Chantry on the third floor of the Circle Tower. I seldom went there, but sometimes I needed the peace and tranquillity away from the activity of the dorms, however, I am anxious. I don't know what Jowan wants to speak to me about, but at this stage, I would do anything to get him off my back.

I take a deep breath when I open the door and I head in. I always felt a sense of calm in the presence of the Maker. There are benches running the length of the room and in the centre, against the wall stands a statue of Andraste. Everyone reveres her. She is the one who said _Magic must serve man, not rule over him_. I didn't really understand what it meant, but I was aware that there are mages who abused their gift and allowed their magic to rule over them and it is these mages that we have to be careful of.

I come to the statue and I gaze up at her. She is beautiful and I wish I knew more about her, but all I know is that she helped free the elves from slavery and she never condemned the gift of magic. I light a candle in her honour and I pray for strength.

"Is that you, Ariana?" asks Jowan. I turn around and I glare at him.

"This better be worth it, Jowan," I reply. I notice a young woman stepping out from behind a wall and I realise it is Lily – Jowan's romantic interest.

"It will be and thank you for coming here this evening. We have something to ask of you, Ariana," she says softly.

"What is she doing here? I was under the impression that you wanted to see me."

"Well, we need her, Ariana," he replies.

"Give me one good reason otherwise I am not going to help you," I warn.

"Ariana, she found a document stating that I am to be made Tranquil within the next month because of their suspicions of my blood magic. I don't use it. You must believe me," he implores.

"Believe you? How can you ask that of me? An apprentice saw you, Jowan," I inform him.

"He lied. Why would I use Blood Magic when I know the dangers of it?" he asks.

"Why would someone make it up if it weren't true?" I reply and he shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't care. All I care about is Lily. I love her, Ariana and I need you to help me get into the basement to destroy my Phylactery so that I cannot be tracked down," he informs me.

"You want to flee the Circle? How are you going to do that? You know very well that it is impossible. Anders has try numerous times and he is still here," I point out.

"Well, that is because they have his Phylactery, but if I destroy mine, they will never be able to find me," he explains.

"And where does Lily fit into all of this? Do you realise if she is caught how much trouble she is going to be in? How much trouble I can get into if I am caught?" I ask.

"Ariana, you must understand, I love Jowan and I will do anything for him, so please help us," she implores.

I realise I am not going to win this round. "So tell me your plan."

"He has already asked you to get the rod. We need it to dispel the magical barriers in the Repository in the basement. All the Phylacteries are stored in there. You know why we need it. Please do this for us, Ariana and I will ensure that Jowan leaves you alone," she says softly.

"That would be a relief. Fine, I will help you. Once I have the rod, I will seek you out. Goodnight," I inform them.

"Thank you, Ariana. I am counting on you," Jowan says.

"Whatever," I whisper to myself. I have a plan. I am going to inform First Enchanter of their outrageous plan and take it from there, but for now I want to be with Cullen. I just don't know if he wants to see me. We have not spent any time together for about a month because of my teaching responsibilities and his Templar duties.

I knocked on his door and he peeks out at me. "Ariana, please do come in," he says.

"I have missed you, Cullen," I murmur. I settle myself on his bed and he sits on the floor.

"I know and I apologise, but with the rumours going around the Circle and their suspicions, we have to be extra vigilant," he explains.

"You know, they are true, Cullen. One of the young apprentices saw it. She did report it, but I feel everyone is biding their time," I explain.

"Do you know who the mage is?" he asks and I look away from him.

"I...I suspect it is Jowan, but I am going to mention it the First Enchanter and take it from there," I explain.

"There is more to this, love," he says.

"I am not really sure, but he does want something from me and I want to find out what it is," I reply.

"Fine, I will allow this. I just wish you would tell me," he says softly.

"Cullen, please don't worry about it. I know what I am doing and I am not here to discuss this. I am here because I want to spend time with you, but-"I whisper.

He reaches for my hands and he pulls me onto his lap. "But what, Ariana?" he asks.

"Do you have some time for me?" I ask.

He smiles. "Of course I do."

"Mmm...How much time?" I ask as I slip my arms around his neck.

"The whole night and it starts with this," he teases.

"Show me," I murmur. He leans towards me and he gently kisses me.

o0o

I give him a quick kiss and he awakes."Where are you going?" he asks.

"I need to prepare my class lessons, Cullen," I reply.

"But it is still early," he says softly.

"I know. I can always come back tonight. Well, only if you aren't busy."

"I am free again tonight, but I want to spend a bit more time with you now," he says as he reaches for my hands. He pulls me onto the bed and he kisses me.

"I miss you terribly," he whispers.

"I know and I miss you, but I need to go. See you later," I say as I give him another kiss. He allows me to go, but I can see the disappointment in his eyes.

"See you later then," he says as he turns onto his side. It isn't long until he is snoring and I head out chuckling to myself. _Cullen..._

I stroll back to my room and as I am about to go in, I hear a lot of laughter coming from inside. I chuckle to myself because it can only be my cousin and Anders. He is tickling her and she is enjoying herself.

"Thanks for the walk last night and everything else," she says.

"I would do anything for you, Mari. You know that," he says as he cups her face, "I love you," he says and he kisses her.

"I love you, Andy," she whispers and by the way he kisses her, I realise that it is going to go a bit further than that. I am unsure of what to do. I need to prepare for my lessons but I don't want to disturb them. I head to my desk and I quickly gather my parchment and books, but in my haste, I knock one of her books onto the floor. _Oh no._

I warily look at them but they seem oblivious to my presence and I breathe a sigh of relief, but it is short-lived. She looks up and she stares right at me. She blushes a deep crimson and I burst out laughing.

"What love? What is it?" he asks her.

"We...We aren't alone, Andy," she replies and he glances in my direction. I hold my breath because I am unsure as to how is going to react to be interrupting them, but all he does is flash me a smile.

"Good morning, Ariana. Up so early?" he asks.

"Well, I have to prepare for my lessons between now and 8am, Anders. That is why I am here and I honestly don't want to intrude," I explain.

He turns his attention back to Marian and he kisses her. "Later," he says to her.

"Wait, you two. Don't mind me, I think I will go the library and I am sorry for intruding."

"We don't mind. This is your room as well as mine," she says softly while she gazes at him.

"I think it would be best if I head to the library anyway. I will see you later," I inform them. I glance at them and he is kissing her again.

o0o

"Good morning, Ariana. I see you are busy as always," greets First Enchanter. I have been in the library for two hours and my lessons for the day are nearly prepared.

"Good morning, First Enchanter. I trust you are well?" I enquire. I quickly write down the last of my notes and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"You have quite an impact among the younger mages," he informs me.

"I know. I enjoy teaching them. They have so much to learn and I can learn so much from them."

"Well, you are proving to be one of our best mentors yet, Ariana and I would like to thank you," he says.

"Thank you, but I have something I must discuss with which I think you will find very interesting," I inform him.

"Well then come with me to my office and you can tell me," he suggests. I nod and I quickly pack my things away.

"How is Marian?" he enquires.

"She seems to be very happy, but she is also worried about her _Harrowing_. I only hope she will come through it," I murmur.

"I am sure she will. She is very talented and I am quite impressed with her. She has come a long way since her first day. I trust it is mainly because of Anders' influence?" he asks.

"You really think it is his influence?" I reply.

"He is very good to her, Marian. I always see them together and it is fascinating to watch. When he moves, she moves," he explains.

"Are they that obvious?" I ask.

"I have never seen anything like it in all my years at the Circle, Ariana. Yes, sure I have seen young couples sharing private moments in dark corners and I know what goes on at night, but when I see those two - they have a glow about them and they are so happy. Maker knows what will happen when she goes home. He is going to be so upset. He is good lad, but sensitive. I remember the first time I met him, he was so afraid and his eyes darted nervously around my office. He spent the first few nights crying himself to sleep – well, that is what Wynne told me. She always checked on him and now when Marian goes back home, he is going to be very upset," he explains.

"Well, don't think he will stay here, First Enchanter. He loves her too much and if anything, he will find a way, unless you grant him permission," I suggest.

"I won't be able to do that, but I will worry about it then. Here we are," he says as he leads me into his office. "Have a seat, Ariana."

"So what do you know about Jowan?" he asks.

"Ser, he wants my help to get into the Repository. He wants to destroy his Phylactery, but for me to do that, I need a Lightening Rod," I explain.

"Interesting...," he says, leaning on his desk. "Because of our suspicions of his use of Blood Magic, he will be make Tranquil, but I suspect he knows this. I have seen him and Lily together. He needs to get into the Repository to destroy his Phylactery. Ariana, I am going to let these events unfold. You are help him with what he has asks of you. I will inform the Templars. Here is your permission slip. Take it to Owain. Whatever happens, I will stand by you," he says.

"Yes First Enchanter," I agree.

"Thank you for informing about this. Just a warning, though. If you come across any artefacts, please leave them alone. Some of them are extremely powerful and dangerous," he advises.

"Ser, I...I don't take what doesn't belong to me," I say.

"I know, but I am telling you just in case the Templars accuse you," he explains.

"Yes Ser. I understand," I say.

"You are dismissed. Enjoy your classes today," he says.

o0o

"You are dismissed," I say to my class. I am finished for the day and I need to rest. I start gathering my books and papers. I look up and Jowan is standing by the door. I sigh in exasperation and I shoved the rest of my books into my bag.

"What do you want?" I ask.

"Did you get it?" he replies.

"I did and Jowan, I am not going to help you until Marian has gone through Harrowing. I would like to be there as she is there for me after mine. That is my condition," I suggest.

"Fine, I wasn't asking to miss out on that. Next week then. At least you have it. That is what is important," he says.

"I hope it is going to be worth all the trouble, Jowan otherwise if this ends badly, I will never forgive you." I sling my bag onto my shoulder. "If you will excuse me, I have tests to mark. See you later," I inform him and I brush past him.

I am halfway up the passage when Marian runs up to me.

"What is wrong with you?" she asks.

"Why?" I reply.

"You look terrible, Ariana. What is going on?" she asks.

"If I could tell you, I would, but perhaps I should. Maybe I will feel better and where is your better half?" I ask.

"Anders...He is around. He skipped out on his class today to help me prepare for my _Harrowing_. He is so patient and he is so full of nonsense. We spent most of the time fooling around then studying," she explains.

"You are lucky to have found someone like him, you know," I murmur.

"Why? I did not expect to meet anyone and it all happened so quickly and I don't regret one minute of it. This is something I will cherish and I honestly don't think I will find someone again," she murmurs.

"Marian, I am telling you now – Anders will follow you when you go home. He is the happiest I have seen him in years and if anything, he will do whatever he can to find you"

"I know. I have told him where I live and how to get there, so it wouldn't surprise me, if one day, he knocks on my front door, but I still have a year or more here. We have decided not to worry about it yet. I...I don't want to think about it. It just upsets me," she murmurs as we enter our bedroom.

"So what do you want to tell me?" she asks and she smiles at something or someone. I turn around and Anders is standing by the door.

"I told you, he is never far from me," she teases.

"Love," he murmurs. He embraces her and kisses her forehead.

"So what is going on?" he asks, closing the door behind him.

"First Enchanter wants me to help Jowan with his outrageous plan," I explain and they glance at each other.

"What is his plan?" Anders asks.

"He wants to break into the Repository and destroy his Phylactery and the rumours are true. They are aware of his use of Blood Magic and they are going to make him Tranquil," I explain.

"I knew it. I knew it. The little bastard and now he has involved you. Why Ariana? Why?" he asks and I am very surprised by his reaction about what I have just told them.

"I...I thought you didn't care, Andy," I whisper.

"I have always cared about you, Ari. I know you love me, but I love you as I would love my own sister and besides, you and Cullen? I thought you loved him," he says softly.

"I do love him, but I love you as well. Sometimes I am envious when I see you two together. I wish I had a love like that with someone. Yes, I love Cullen..." I trail away and he embraces me.

"We have been friends for years, Ariana. I understand, but you know where my heart lies. I love her and I always will," he whispers for me alone.

"Perhaps you should tell her that," I tease as he releases me.

"She knows. I tell her all the time. Don't I, love?" he asks her and she smiles warmly at him.

"A day does not go by when he doesn't tell me, but why are you involved with this business with Jowan? Why would First Enchanter want you to help him?" she asks.

"Well, he wants the events to unfold. He is aware of Jowan's plan and he probably has already informed Knight-Commander Greagoir by now. I agreed to follow through and he has promised that he will stand up for me if he has to," I explain and I burst into tears. I am never one to cry so easily, but this is too much. I am risking a lot for some stupid Blood Mage and I could lose everything because of it.

"Ariana," Marian murmurs as she embraces me. "Do you really have to do this?" she asks.

"I...I have no choice, Mari. I simply have no choice," I reply.

"I am going to kill him," Anders declares and this only make me laugh.

"What would that achieve, Andy? It is a tempting offer, but no," I murmur.

"I know. It was just a thought," he teases.

"You are so lucky to have him, Marian," I murmur. "All I wish for is...is," I trail away. I can't ask that of him. He is bound to Marian in a way I simply can't understand.

"What, Ari? What?" he enquires.

"It is not important, Anders," I reply.

"I don't believe you," he says softly.

"Never mind," I whisper and he embraces me again. I wrap my arms around him and for a minute, I understand what he and Marian shares.

"I will always care for you," he says as he gently pushes me away. He kisses my forehead. "And if you asked it of me, I would kill him, you know," he teases. He rejoins Marian and she slips her hand into his, entwining their fingers. I am once again feeling envious, so I look away from them. I hear them whispering about something and I look at them, he is embracing her and she catches my eye.

"When is this going to happen?" she asks.

"I told Jowan I would only help him after you have been through your _Harrowing_. I...I want to be there, Marian. I want to be there when you wake up," I murmur and she smiles.

"I would like you there and you, Andy? Please?" she asks.

"Of course I am going to be there. I will see you into the Chamber and I will be beside you when you wake, I promise," he replies.

"Marian, how do you feel about it all?" I ask.

"I...I am anxious. I haven't been sleeping well for the last two weeks and I have terrible nightmares," she says softly.

"You will be fine," he murmurs, kissing her cheek.

"I...I am not so sure," she says.

"What can I do?" I ask.

"Nothing, Ari. I have to go through it. I only hope I am strong enough to resist," she replies.

"I...I understand, but hold onto the faces of those you love and care for. It helps, trust me, I know," I advise.

"I will remember that and thank you," she says.

"Stop worrying, Marian. You are making me anxious," he teases and she smiles at him.

"I...I am sorry, Andy, but you know how it is," she says.

"Well, is anyone hungry?" I ask.

"Oh, I am," Anders replies.

"Marian?" I ask.

"I...No, but I will go with you," she replies and he frowns.

"You must eat, Marian. You need your strength," he murmurs.

"I know," she says.

"Then let's go," he suggests. He slips his arm around her waist and she blushes.

"Anders," she teases.


	22. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

_**Anders**_

I sigh when I feel her thrashing wildly next to me and I open my eyes. Her _Harrowing_ is in two days time and she has hardly slept. She has dark circle around her eyes and she is pale. I flinch when she kicks my leg, but I don't shout because I don't want to upset her, so I pull her into my arms and I hold her securely. She slowly relaxes and I breathe a sigh of relief, but it doesn't last. She starts crying. It is not even crying – she is weeping.

"Hush my love, hush. I am here," I murmur and I stroke her hair. "I know best...I know best."

"No...No...I can't do this," she says to someone or something she can only see and I realise she is dreaming. "No, leave me alone," she whispers and she clenches her fist. "I said _no_," she shouts and I nearly fall off the bed. I have to pull her out of her dream before she harms herself or me.

"Marian, wake up. Wake up, love," I murmur as I gently slap her cheeks.

"Don't hurt me," she yells and she starts struggling.

"Marian, wake up," I say firmly as I grip her hands.

"No...No," she says and she tries to push me away.

"Love, it is me, Anders," I whisper as I straddle her, but she doesn't hear me.

"Leave me alone," she yells and more tears come.

"Maker," I murmur as I wipe them away. "Mari love," I call and I kiss her full on the mouth because I don't know what else to do. The transformation is surprising. She slowly relaxes and she slips her arms around my neck. She is still fast asleep at this moment and she starts moaning.

"Sweet maker," I murmur when I realise she is no longer having a nightmare, she is dreaming about something else entirely. I feel her arch herself towards me and I moan, but I am not going to take advantage of her, so I gently disentangle myself from her arms and I slip off the bed. She doesn't appear to realise it because she carries on as if someone is still there. I turn away from her and takes slow deep breaths. I don't want to watch her because I would end up making love to her.

"Andy," she moans huskily and my nerves tingle.

"No, I will not," I whisper even though my shorts feel very small. I can't believe it and I can't believe myself, but I am not going to go back to her until she is awake.

"Blast," I moan and I simply have to remove my shorts. I chance a glance in her direction and she appears to be waking up, but she is still in the throes of something. I head back to the bed and I pull the sheet off her. This wakes her and she catches my eye. She notices my discomfit, because she reaches for my hand.

"I am sorry, Anders. From my nightmare to something else entirely," she explains.

"I...I know, but I...," I trail away because she is slowly encouraging me to rejoin her.

"You can pick up where my dream left off," she teases.

"And where was that, exactly?" I ask as I gently lower myself onto her. I push her nightgown up around her waist and I remove her underwear.

"There," she replies and I kiss her.

"Where?" I ask.

"Sweet maker, Anders, please," she replies and I press my lips against hers.

"I hope you were dreaming about me," I tease and she laughs.

"Of course it was about you and I distinctly recall saying your name," she says.

"Mmm...You did," I whisper.

"I only ever dream about you," she whispers.

"I love you to," I tease.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

I awake and it is five in the morning and I stretch myself. He has his arms wrapped securely around me and he is stroking my hair.

"Good morning," I murmur as I yawn. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Not really. I was keeping my eye on you and I wanted to be awake just in case you needed me for something," he replies.

"You mean other than my...dream?" I ask and he laughs at me.

"That is unexpected, but I enjoyed it, Marian. I know I have says this before, but we fit so well together," he says.

"I know and I enjoy being with you," I say.

"Still no classes for you today?" he asks.

"No, but I think I might spend time in the garden and I would like it if you would join me," I suggest.

"Do you want to do this just in case things...don't turn out as we expect them to?" he asks.

"Yes, but I think I will be fine. I don't like to think about it, Anders. It just...I don't know...I don't want to think about it and now Ariana is caught in something she doesn't want to be a part of. What do I do about that?" I ask.

"And why do you want to solve this problem Marian? The First Enchanter wants her to follow through and look on the bright side, at least your cousin will get off lightly," he replies.

"I hope you are right, Anders. She is not happy about it, but he has been bothering her since her Harrowing and he just doesn't want to get the message. If this is the way to get rid of him, then we must stand by her and the First Enchanter is going to stand by her as well," I explain.

"Mmm..." he mumbles as he settles himself on top of me.

"Anders, did you hear a word I have just says?" I ask.

"Some," he replies as he kisses me.

"Anders," I murmur and he smiles lazily at me.

"What? Can I not enjoy some early morning love with my girlfriend?" he asks.

"Early morning love? Is that what you want, but we have already and that is very early this morning," I tease.

"If I has my way, I would make love to you at least twice a day," he teases.

"Really? I don't think so. Imagine how exhausted we would be?" I ask.

"Mmm...I suppose that is true. It is already intense. Maybe twice a day would be too much for both of us, but that is not going to stop me from kissing you," he teases.

"And who says I want you to stop?" I ask.

"Love," he murmurs.

"What?" I ask.

"Shut up, will you?" he replies and before I can say anything, he kisses me. My emotions spin wildly out of control and I find myself slipping my arms around him. He deepens the kiss and to my surprise, I can feel him growing hard.

"Andy, I think you wish is about to come true," I tease and he rolls off me.

"What...What did I say?" I ask.

"Would you mind, you know?" he asks.

"What would you like me to do?" I ask.

"I...I would like you to...um...pleasure me, but only if you are comfortable," he replies.

"Andy, how?" I ask. He grabs my hand...

"Please?" he asks.

"Alright," I reply. I understand what he wants from me, but I was always too shy to ask him and now he is giving me the opportunity to please him. I kiss him full on the mouth. I slowly trace kisses from his mouth and along his jaw into the hollow of his neck. I reach for him and I trace kisses along his chest. His chest is smooth – except for a find smattering of light brown hair that tickles my cheek – and muscular and it excites me. I want to please him in much the same way he pleases me. I come to his erection and I find it fascinating and my cheeks grow very warm. He was always so proud and the fact that I was the first woman he made love to always made me feel special and loved even though he has told me many times how special I am to him. We both want to spend our lives together, but we didn't know if it would be possible.

"Marian please?" he whispers. "I want to know,"

"Patience love. I want to enjoy myself as well," I tease. I gently stroke him until he is clutching the sheets and I realise he is ready to explode. I trace kisses around his member much to his delight. I raise myself slightly to look at him and his eyes are half-closed. He is enjoying himself and I am delighted that I am the only who elicits such a reaction from him.

"Mari," he moans and this encourages me. I take more of him into my mouth and he starts moving slightly. I lower my mouth until he is so deep inside me, I feel as if I am going to choke. I can feel myself react and he tastes so good. He tastes like my Anders. He moans loudly and before I realise it, he pulls me onto his chest and he kisses me.

"Enough for now. Otherwise I am going to explode," he teases.

"Mmm...Wasn't that the idea?" I ask and he laughs.

"Well yes," he replies as he rolls with me much to my amusement until I am beneath him. "My turn," he teases and he deliberately kisses me while he presses his finger into me and I elicit a low sigh.

"Anders, not again? You know it drives me beyond wild," I say.

"That is the idea, love, but if you don't want me to, then tell me," he replies.

"Anders, I didn't say I didn't want you to. On the contrary, I would very much like it if you continued," I murmur, and he grins at me.

"Then prepare yourself, my love," he teases. I grip his shoulders as he slips his arms under my waist, gently lifting me. He trails a path of kisses down my body and with shocking delight, he presses his lips against me and I moan. He gently teases me until I am arching violently towards him.

"Anders please?" I ask as another wave of passion sweeps through me. I am gripping his shoulders so tightly, but he doesn't appear to notice. He is too busy enjoying himself. I arch again and I shatter into a millions pieces of myself. "Anders," I moan and he laughs softly as he stretches himself out next to me, I am not yet finished with him.

"Anders," I murmur as I straddle him much to his delight. He guides me onto his erection and he rumbles low in his throat.

"You are such a tease," he whispers hoarsely and I laugh at him.

"I can say the same for you," I murmur as he wrap his arms around me.

"Not for long," he says as he once again rolls with me.

"I see," I murmur. I slip my arms around his neck and I kiss him.


	23. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

_**Marian**_

It is the day of my Harrowing and I am not feeling myself. I hardly slept last night and he has tried everything to calm my fears, but nothing has worked. We have hardly spoken since he woke me at five this morning and he is very worried about me. I have not eaten anything either. Now it is seven and we are on our way to the _Harrowing Chamber_ on the fourth floor of the _Circle Tower_. I have not seen Ariana this morning and I am more than a bit upset with her because I was there before she did her _Harrowing_.

The closer we get to the fourth floor, the more anxious I become and I start panicking. I look to Anders for reassurance and he gives my hand a gentle squeeze, but it is not enough to make me feel better. He seems to realise it because he gently pushes me against the wall and he reaches for my hands.

"You will be fine. Please try to relax," he says softly and I look away from him.

"You know how I feel about it, Anders. I cannot help it...," I whisper.

"Listen, love, I do know how you feel and you look terrible, but this is something we all go through," he says. There is unmistakable concern in his voice and I wrap my arms around him.

"I am so afraid. I fear the worst," I whisper.

He laughs. "Love, I am just as anxious as you are. The last thing I want is for you to be made Tranquil, but I doubt that will happen. You have already proven your competence to them. This is the final test...and look on the bright side, you will have a permanent place in my room," he teases.

I start laughing. "Honestly, is that all you care about?"

"Oh love, of course not. You already spend all your time in my room, studying. At least the others will stop giving us the look," he points out.

"As if we care about what they think anyway and Anders, don't forget about our...other activities," I remind him. He blushes much to my amusement and I feel a little better

"Mmm...I have time now you know and we don't that often," he whispers. He pulls me closer and I feel his hands along the curve of my back.

"Surely, you can do better than that," I tease.

"If we had a bit more time," he murmurs when I kiss him.

"Make the time," I tease.

"I wish I could, but -," he says.

"Are you ready?" asks First Enchanter. Anders sighs and he gives me a quick kiss.

"It is time, Mari," he says softly and he squeezes my hand again.

My stomach churns uncomfortably and I feel like getting sick. I clutch his arm as I heave. "Anders, I," I whisper when I vomit. "I am so sorry," I whisper.

"Marian, relax," he says as he takes out a cloth and he wipes my mouth.

"Where... How -" I ask when I turn around and vomit...again.

"A guess," he replies as he wipes my mouth again.

"I apologise, First Enchanter," I whisper. I move away from them and I try to get myself under control. I am also nauseous. I feel a familiar hand on my shoulder and I turn around. Ariana is frowning at me.

"Are...Are you alright?" she asks.

"Does it look like it? Look over there, Ariana," I reply. I point to the mess I left on the floor. She turns back to me, frowning.

"Are you...Are you...late?" she asks.

"I...I...don't think so. We...We are so careful, Ariana," I whisper. I realise what she is getting at, but I don't think that is the case. I am not pregnant. I am overly anxious.

"It doesn't matter. I am here to wish you all the best. Be strong and keep your wits about you. You know how convincing demons can be," she advises.

"That does not make me feel better," I whisper. "Anders?" I call and he come towards me, frowning slightly.

"Please don't tell me you are thinking the same thing as my cousin?" I ask.

"We could have slipped up. It sometimes happens," he states.

"I am not...I am anxious about my _Harrowing_, Anders," I remind him. I am getting angry with them. I glare at them before I join First Enchanter and Wynne by the door leading into the chamber.

"Are you ready now?" he asks.

"I am," I reply. I follow them into the Chamber without a backward glance and before First Enchanter closes the door, I feel Anders hand on my arm.

"Good luck, Mari," he whispers, and he walks away from me.

"Come along, Marian. This is hardly goodbye, you know," Wynne informs me and I close the door behind me.

I follow them to a font and it is glowing brightly. I catch Cullen's eye and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"So you are presiding over my Harrowing?" I ask.

"Yes. It was a request by Ariana," he replies.

"I...I am glad it is you and not some Templar I don't know," I murmur and he gives me a small smile.

I turn my attention back to the font and I notice a blue liquid. I realise it is Lyrium. I gaze around the room and the door I came in is the only way to go out.

"Are you ready?" Wynne asks.

"No, but I can do this," I reply and she smiles at me.

"You are stronger than you give yourself credit, Marian. We have faith in you and we know you will come through," she says softly and I feel much better, but I am still nauseous.

"What do I do?" I ask.

"You put your hand into the font," he replies.

"Like this," I ask as I submerge my hand into the liquid, but I don't hear his reply because I feel a warm, fuzzy sensation wash over me. Everything blurs in front of me and my hand tingles. My head is spinning and I close my eyes. With a soft thump, I am lying on the ground somewhere.

o0o

_I open my eyes and I recognise my home. I gaze around and I realise I am in the Fade and a man is fast approaching. I immediately become suspicious because this is not someone I know. I look at my home again and I feel drawn to it. It has been just over twelve months since I last saw my home and I am excited, but as I try to open the gate leading into the garden, this person stop me._

"_Who are you and what you doing here?" I ask._

"_I am here to guide you through this journey, in return, I need your help with something," he replies. I become suspicious, but he persists._

"_Listen, I know my way around the Fade and if we run into trouble, I can help you," he explains._

"_Fine," I agree but it did not ease my suspicions._

"_Then follow me," he says._

_We enter my home and I notice shadows of my family and I feel homesick, but I realise this is only a dream and a strange fade man is leading me around. I study this man. He is short, with light brown and brown eyes. I gasp when, for a split second, he looks like Anders, but it is so fleeting and it leaves me feeling confused. I follow him into what appears to be my sibling's room and I notice two small children playing together, but suddenly, the little boy yanks his sister's pigtails. I smile at this because Carver enjoys bullying her. She starts crying and I have to intervene, but as I approach them, they both turn into shades._

"_First lesson: Don't let innocent children fool you," I whisper._

"_What is your name?" I ask._

"_Mouse," he replies and I want to laugh, but he is pointing to the shades._

_I quickly cast a ball of ice at them and they disappear into nothing. I remembered Anders telling me that the demons will try to fool you into believing they are family members or close friends. I start to think ahead. If anything the demons would try to convince me they are who they are, but now I am ready._

"_This way," Mouse says and he leads me into what appears to be my parent's bedroom. They are sitting on the bed, immobile staring out of the window._

"_All mages should be killed at birth," my mother says._

"_You are wrong," I say when I stand in front of them. She is pointing a dagger to my father's heart._

"_Then kill me, then Bethany and leave Marian in the Circle," my father says and my eyes well with tears, but as I watch them, they transform into abominations._

"_Second lesson: Don't be fooled by words especially when you know that they are not so," I whisper. At this point I start panicking because what else is going to be thrown at me? I glance at Mouse and for the second time, he looks like Anders. _

"_Kill them, Marian. Don't let abominations fool you," I hear Anders whisper from a distance. I glance around, but I don't see him. How can he be part of this? _

_I cast a ball of fire at the abominations, but they start attacking me. I quickly cast mind blast to stun them then I cast a cone of ice at them, they freeze and I cast bolts of lightning at them and they explode into nothing._

"_Good work," says Mouse and I smile at him._

"_What next?" I ask_

"_Follow me," he replies and we exit my house. He takes me along a path and I notice the Circle Tower. Anders also told me that I might see the Circle. Do not be fooled by what you see, comes his gentle voice and again I am left wondering how he can possibly be with me. Is our bond so strong that it even defies the line between the Fade and the real world?_

_He leads me into the Circle Tower and into the Library. I recognise the blond hair, but I am not going to let her say a word to me. _

"_That is not my cousin," I say._

"_Oh, but I am," she says as she turns around, smiling and Anders is holding her hand. As I watch, He wraps his arms around her and kisses her passionately. I know this is a trick because he only loves me. I am not going be fooled._

"_Third lesson: Demons will work through our loved ones to achieve their means," I whisper. _

_I cast a spell at them and they transform into rage demons. They look liked the flames of a fire, so I cast Winters Grasp at them and they freeze. I then cast stonefist and they shatter into nothing._

_I turn to Mouse, but he is no longer standing with me. I turn around just as a door closes and I run towards and swing it open. It opens out into a room that is empty except for shimmering object in the middle of it. I warily approach it and I recognise the locket Anders gave to me. I feel around my neck and I breathe a sigh of relief when I feel the familiar coolness of it. I look closely at this locket on the floor and it does not resemble the one I am wearing, but it is similar._

"_Mouse?" I call, but all I hear is loud rushing sound. I turn around and Anders approaching me. _

"_Andy?" I call, but he takes no notice of me. It cannot be him. The way he is walking is not the way the Anders I know walks. This person walks with arrogance and purpose and my Anders is the humblest person I know._

"_It is not you," I yell._

"_How do you know?" he replies in the same voice as Anders._

"_I know him too well. He doesn't show off unlike you," I reply._

"_It is me," he insist._

"_I don't think so. What does he like to call me?" I ask and he doesn't answer me._

"_I am trapped here just like you. I need your help to find a way out of here," he replies._

"_Really? The only things that want to escape the fade are shades, demons and abominations and I think you one of them," I say. "And if you think I am going to help you, you are mistaken," I declare._

_He laughs at me. "Then you will never leave," he says softly._

"_You know what to do, Mari," Anders whispers in my head and once again, I look around, but I don't see him. All I can see is the man claiming to be him, but I know it is not him. My Anders exudes warmth and comfort, but this person is so cold._

"_You cannot fool me," I yell as I start casting spells in all directions, but he is so quick and he transforms into an abomination. I quickly cast stonefist that sends him flying into the air. I quickly cast winters grasp and a huge bolt of ice hits him square in the chest. He staggers backwards and I take the opportunity to cast chain lightening. The whole room fills with a purplish blue light and I cast crushing prison enveloping him in telekinetic energy, but he is still __moving around. I become angry and I start the whole chain again. I am not going to stay in this maker-forsaken place. It is not real. None of it is real. "You will not control me," I yell as I cast a powerful force of energy at him and he crumples to the ground, defeated._

"_You have passed the test," he says and he disappears in a cloud of smoke. I collapse to my knees, and then I curl myself into a ball. I am exhausted and I don't have the strength to carry on. I close my eyes and I slowly fade out into the background._


	24. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

_**Anders**_

"Anders, come quickly," Ariana says as she steps into my room. Marian has been in her _Harrowing_ for well over four hours and I am anxious about her. No one takes this long to get through it. When I notice Ariana's concerned face, I start panicking.

"What happened?" I enquire, grabbing my mother's pillow and she laughs at me.

"What is that for?" she asks.

"Never mind, now tell me," I reply.

"Come see for yourself," she replies and this only agitates me.

"Why don't you tell me? She is my girlfriend. Is she fine? Is she going to-?" I trail away when she drops her eyes.

"I...I don't know. They struggled to pull her out," she replies.

"They can't...No, Ariana. I will not allow it. She can't be-" I murmur and a hard lump forms in my throat. "She was always so strong, so level-headed. I... don't believe you," I whisper. "Where is she?"

"They...She is in Wynne's room," she replies, and I bolt up the passage. They willl not touch my Marian.

I burst into Wynne's room and she is sitting next to her holding her hand, drawing on some magic.

"Marian," she says softly, but she doesn't respond.

"Is she going to be-?" I ask as she stands.

"I...I don't know. She is not going to be made Tranquil, if that is what is worrying you," she says softly and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Then why can you not bring her back, Wynne?" I ask.

"Anders, she was in the Fade for well over four hours. Maker knows what she faced, but she came through, but...Try talk to her, Anders. She might hear you," she advises.

I sit next to her and I gently push my pillow under her head. She doesn't stir. I reach for her hand and I grasp it firmly in both my hands.

"Mari, can you hear me?" I ask softly and nothing. "Mari love, please my love? I know you are in there. I...I know best," I whisper, but she doesn't acknowledge me. I glance at Wynne, but she shakes her head and she heads out. I try to choke back a sob, but it bursts forth and the tears fall.

"My sweet Marian. Remember when we first met? When I first laid eyes on you, I felt happy. It was a happiness I had known when I was a boy clinging to my Mother's skirts. And your blue eyes, that was my undoing," I murmur. "Please wake up, love," I encourage and nothing. "Love please? Don't leave me alone. I...I need you," I whisper and a deep pain starts growing in my heart. I cannot bear the thought that I might lose her to whatever is keeping her so tightly wherever she might be. "And the first time we made love, it was the best night, even though we didn't know what we were doing." I laugh at this and I feel something between my hands. "We really fumbled around, but when we did, it was the best feeling. Everything slowly fell into place and I knew...I knew," I trail away. I study her beautiful face and she looks a bit better. She is not so pale, but I won't rest until I know for certain that she is alright.

"My love," I whisper and this time I am not mistaken – she squeezes my hand and my heart soars. "Just open those beautiful blue eyes of yours," I encourage.

"How is she?" Ariana asks.

"I...I don't know. Um...I know you are her cousin, but please could you leave us alone for a while longer?" I ask.

"I want to help," she says softly.

"I know, but please? As soon as she wakes, I will send for you," I murmur.

"Wynne and Irving are both worried about her. They are trying to find a way to help because they said it is the first time something like this has happened. They...They feel, she is still somewhere in the Fade," she says softly.

"I know and that is why I need to be alone with her. I think I can bring her back, but I need more time," I murmur.

"Of course I will tell them," she says. I don't hear her leave because I am too intent on Marian's beautiful face.

"Mari love, do you remember our first kiss?" I ask and this time she smiles. "Mmm...Of course you remember. It was also funny, but feel this," I murmur as I lower my lips to hers and I kiss her. I feel her respond and it encourages me. "I love you," I murmur. "Please open your eyes," I whisper and I kiss her again.

"Anders is...is it really you?" she asks hoarsely and I pull away from her. I stare directly into her eyes and they are heavy with sleep.

"Mari," I murmur and I pull her into my arms. "Who else would it be?" I ask.

"Anders," she whispers and I hold her at arm's length. She stares deeply into my eyes and she slowly smiles. "Anders. Anders," she says and she embraces me. The force of her weight pushes me back onto the bed and she is on top of me, kissing me all over. "It is you," she whispers.

"Of course it is me," I whisper as I wrap my arms around her. "I am never letting you go again," I whisper and she kisses me full on the mouth. I start laughing and I gently push her away from me.

"Take it easy. You need to rest," I remind her, but she refuses to let me go.

"They used you, Anders. I had to destroy someone who looked and sounded like you," she explains and I understand her initial uncertainty.

"You are safe and you came through, love. That means that you are a Senior. You can teach. You can leave the Circle for research. Your formal training is over," I inform her and she smiles at me.

"And I get to move into your room," she teases and I smile at her.

"That too, but Ariana wants to see you," I inform her and the door opens. I still have my arms wrapped securely around her, but for once, I don't care.

"Marian, thank the Maker," Ariana says.

The First Enchanter and Wynne stand by the bed and they are smiling.

"You had us worried for a moment and I don't know what he did, but he got through to you," Wynne says.

"You came through and that is what is important, but I must stress the importance that your _Harrowing_ must not be discussed with the other apprentices. I can understand if you want to tell Anders and Ariana, you may, but I don't advise it. They understand," he informs her.

"No one has asked me how I feel," she points out and I laugh.

"How do you feel?" I ask.

"Exhausted, emotionally and physically and I am starving," she replies.

"Well are you strong enough to get up?" I ask.

"Anders, really. Just help me up and you know the rest," she replies.

"Marian, before you go, his room has been reorganised. You will find your belongings are already there," First Enchanter informs her.

"You really don't mind, Ser?" she asks.

"It is against the rules, but rumour has it that you have been spending most nights with him," he replies. "I can't stop it. I have tried many times, but they always find a way. We don't encourage it, but we do stress the importance of being responsible," he explains.

"Thank you, Ser," she says softly.

"As long as you balance study time with personal time, I don't have an issue with it," he says.

"Of course, Ser. This is a place of learning after all," she says.

"Your Father is right about you. You are very sensible for someone who is will be turning seventeen soon," he says and she smiles at him.

"Ser, I was forced to grow up from a young age, but I became frustrated and angry. Being a mage doesn't leave the option to make friends because of the fear most people feel," she explains. "But I have learnt my lesson. I appreciate my gift. I would rather use my gift for the greater good of mankind," she says.

"That is what I like to hear. I am going to write to your parents. I am sure your father will be proud of you," he says.

"Thank you, Ser. Anders, please help me up," she says. I grip her hands firmly and I pull her to her feet. She sways unsteadily and she clutches my arm. "I don't feel well," she whispers.

"I've got you," I reassure her as I slip my arm around her waist.

"Why do I feel so unwell?" she asks.

"Um...Wynne would you please?" I ask her. She nods and she places her hands over Marian's stomach.

"If you are worried, Anders, you should be, but she is not. Extra caution is advisable. I think she needs a strong mug of tea and a something light to eat," she advises.

"How...How would one know?" I ask.

"Well, you would feel a slight fluttering if she were. We can detect pregnancy early with our healing magic. She is not, but I must stress the importance," she advises.

"We know. I must just be more careful," Marian says quietly and she smiles at me.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

I am having my second cup of tea and Anders is making sure I am eating enough food. His hand is resting on my thigh and every time he moves it, I tingle. Now it is inching closer to my belt.

Before we came to the _Dining Room_ I changed into my comfortable clothes. I didn't feel like being in robes. I am wearing a light blue shirt and a pair of black pants and I am feeling so much better.

I push his hand away and hold it instead, but he persists.

"Anders," I warn and he sighs.

"I am only helping you relax," he teases and I laugh.

"By doing that?" I ask and I lean towards him. "Andy, I am already tingling for you," I whisper for him alone and he smiles at me.

"Fine. Will this help?" he asks and I sigh as he gently massages my thigh.

"You know we still have to follow the rules," I remind him.

"And I am not breaking any," he says.

"Are you...quite sure?" I ask when I hear the soft tinkling of my belt buckle. I lean back in my chair and I end up gripping my cup because he is teasing me. "I...I think that is enough," I whisper as I push his hand away from me. "Please?" I implore and he gives a resigned sigh.

"I...I am sorry, Marian. I was just worried about you. The thought of losing you, nearly killed me," he murmurs and I suddenly understand his behaviour.

"You aren't going to lose me, Anders. Why would you think that?" I ask.

"Because you were...You took an hour to wake, Marian. You cannot begin to understand how I am feeling. I am going to say this now and I don't care if the others hear me – I love you and if things were different I would go down on bended knee and ask for your hand," he explains and there is dead silence in the _Dining Room_. "As it is, I...I cannot," he blurts out. He stands up, and runs out leaving me feeling pleased, surprised, shocked, and then anger sets in. We would never be able to because of the stupid law forbidding most things. I am touchesd by his declaration and everyone starts talking at once. I catch Ariana's eye and she is staring at me in open-mouthed disbelief.

"He loves you so much, Marian. It is going to kill him when you leave and you are not going to better off either. Some things are not supposed to happen, but they have and you know what? He would marry you if he could, that is how much he loves you. That is how devoted he is to you. You didn't see his face when I told they couldn't bring you out," she explains. "And he honestly thought you were possessed," she continues. By this point, I am covering my ears. It is too much. I am exhausted and he has openly declared his love for me.

"Shut up, Ariana. I have heard enough. Yes, we should not have happened, but we did. I did not come to the _Circle_ to find love. I came to learn, but when I first met him, we...we connected, Ariana. We should not have happened – that I won't deny, but I won't deny the fact that I love him," I say. I glare at all the other mages and they are shooting disapproving glances at me or is it jealousy?

"We should not have happened, Ariana or are you jealous?" I ask. I push my chair back and I get to my feet. I am fuming and I am not feeling well. I am still nauseous and my head is swimming. "Are you jealous?" I ask again.

"Fine, I do love him and I did think we would have a relationship, but he was never interested in me. He made that clear many times," she replies.

"So you moved onto someone else? Well, I hope you love him, Ariana," I whisper and I turn on my heel. I flee out of the _Dining Room_ and I head to the bathroom. I am ready to vomit again. I barely make it when I heaved violently. I end up vomiting on the floor and I burst into tears.

"Now I have to clean it up," I sob as I frantically search around for something to clean my mess. I open the cupboard and I find an old towel. I grab a bucket and I pump it to the brim with water. I dip the towel into it and I try to clean the floor, but I am feeling nauseous again. "Not again," I wail and hot tears stream down my cheeks. I vomit again and I kick the bucket in frustration. The water runs all over the place, but I don't care. I crawl over to the furthest corner of the bathroom and I wrap my arms around myself.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I am in my room trying to get my raging emotions under control and my heart is soaring. I proposed to her in my own way. It was not my intention. Marriage has never occurred to either of us, but I proposed to her and I did not even stay to hear what she had to say. I kick myself for leaving her at the mercy of Ariana and the other mages. I am deep in thought about my declaration of love for her when someone bangs on my bedroom door.

"Who is it?" I enquire.

"We can't find Marian, Anders. She fled the _Dining Room_ about an hour ago looking as white as a sheet," Ariana replies and I swing open the door.

"And you haven't bothered to look for her? How did this happen?" I ask.

"That is not important, Anders. What is important is that we need to find her. She is so tired. I...I hope she is alright," she says.

"And I hope you didn't say anything to upset her. If you did, I am going to be very angry," I warn and she looks away from me.

"You did? What? Did you declare you love for me?" I ask jokingly and she refuses to look at me.

"Ariana, why did you tell her that? Never mind, what else did you say to her?" I ask.

"That you should never have happened. That it is going to kill both of you when she goes home," she replies.

"That we should never have happened? You and Cullen should not have happened either, but do you see her telling you that?" I ask.

"I...I...No. Anders, she is a much better person than I am. She would never say anything remotely like that to me or anyone else," she replies.

"Then why?" I enquire.

"Don't you see, Anders? I am jealous. I am so jealous of what you share," she whispers.

"I don't think you are the first and I doubt you will be the last, but we need to find her. You said she looks pale?" I enquire.

"Yes and she was swaying unsteadily. I don't know what is wrong with her. I never reacted like this after my _Harrowing_ and nor did you, come to think of it," she replies.

"Then we search the bathrooms. Come, I need to find her," I urge and I run up the passage, past the _Dining Room_ and I come to a standstill when I notice water seeping out from under a door.

"She must be in there," states Ariana and I roll my eyes.

We open the door and there is water everywhere mixed with what little food she has eaten.

"I think I better find a maidservant, Anders," she suggests and I nod. I pick my way through the water and vomit.

"Marian?" I call and someone sobs from the furthest corner of the bathroom. I follow the sobs and when I see my Marian sitting in the corner with her arms wrapped around her legs, my heart goes out to her. I notice a bit of vomit on her blouse but I don't care. I gently lift her and she slips her arms around my neck.

"I've got you," I whisper and she starts weeping. "Talk to me," I encourage but she tightens her arms around me. "What is bothering you?" I ask and she replies by burying her head into my shoulder. "Don't worry; I will get you back to your room. I will clean you up. Maybe I will ask Wynne if she has a potion to help you," I murmur.

As I step out into the passage, I notice Ariana with a maidservant and Wynne.

"How is she, Anders?" Wynne asks.

"I...I don't know. I just do not know. I am going to take her back to my room, but if you think that is inappropriate, I will take her to Ariana's room," I say.

"Anders, if anything, she wants to be with you. Take her to your room and I will come with you. I need to examine her properly," she suggests.

"Thank you," I say.

"Anders may I?" she asks.

"If you can keep your thoughts to yourself," I reply.

"Maybe not then. I will check on her later," she says, and she walks away looking dejected.

"Anders, we need to get moving," Wynne urges.

o0o

I gently place her on my bed and I start undressing her much to Wynne's amusement.

"Anders, allow me to do that rather," she suggests.

"Fine," I agree and I seat myself on her bed. I am anxious about her. I watch Wynne undress her. I look away when she is in her underwear.

"Anders, water please," Wynne says.

I glance at my girlfriend whilst I fill a shallow basin with water. She is very pale and she looks so small and vulnerable.

"Here you go." I place the basin on the desk. I open the draw and I pull out a cloth. "Wynne would you mind if I, you know?"

"No, I don't mind. It is good practise especially if you want to heal others, Anders," she replies.

"My first patient and she is my girlfriend," I laugh.

"I guess you are serious about her?" she asks.

"You have no idea, but you know how it is," I explain.

I gently wipe her beautiful face and she opens her eyes.

"Hey you," I murmur and she smiles at me. "You are my first patient, Marian," I tease.

"Really?" she asks. She smiles at me and closes her eyes.

"Mari," I murmur as I wipe her chest, her abdomen and she flinches under my hands. "Wynne, I think we have found the cause of her discomfit," I inform her. I throw the cloth aside and I begin my examination of her. It is effortless. I instinctively know what I am doing. I don't need Wynne's guidance. I gently press her abdomen. She flinches and her stomach muscles tense.

"Wynne would you please?" I ask and I move away from her. I want her to make sure my suspicions are correct. I feel she has a mild stomach infection and if it is not that, then it is stress.

"And?" I enquire after a while.

"She is definitely not pregnant and I don't think it is a stomach infection," she replies.

"Is it stress-related?" I enquire.

"Yes...You are right and I am impressed. You are a natural, Anders," she says.

"Thank you, but how do we help her?" I enquire.

"Well, I do have Elfroot potion and use your healing magic, Anders. It will help," she advises.

I head back to Marian and I place my hands above her stomach. Blue balls of light emerge from my hands and I press them into her. She starts crying and she tries to stop me, but I have to ignore her pleas. I need to focus my energy on her.

"Andy," she moans.

"I know you are uncomfortable, but please?" I ask.

"But-" she whispers and she closes her eyes again. I feel her muscles relax and she opens her eyes. There is no pain in her eyes now and she appears relieved.

"Anders enough," Wynne cautions. I step back and I sit on the bed. I feel exhausted, but I would do anything to ease her pain.

"Don't strain yourself, Anders. I know you have a strong reserve of mana, but you must learn when enough is enough," she advises.

"I know. I am worried about her, that is all," I admit.

"How do you feel, Marian?" Wynne asks.

"I feel much better, but my nausea is still there," she replies.

"I have just the potion for that. I will be back now," she says.

As soon as she leaves us, I sit next to Marian and I gaze at her. She reaches for my hand and she places it on her chest.

"Thank you, Anders," she whispers.

"I will do anything for you, love," I whisper. "But what is bothering you?" I enquire.

"I...I think it the build up to my _Harrowing_, Anders. The last two months have been difficult as you know and my lack of sleep. My body can only take so much," she replies.

"Mmm...Well, I think you will be sleeping well tonight. If you would like to, you can sleep now," I suggest.

"No. I need to be with you. Are you going to stay with me?" she asks.

"Where else would I go?" I ask.

"Anders, did you... Did you propose to me earlier?" she asks.

"Blast. I was going to surprise you. I didn't want to blurt it out quite like that," I reply. I gently caress her cheek. "What do you say?" I ask.

"Anders, I would like to, but how?" she asks.

"Mmm...You know, it does not really matter. Perhaps I should rephrase: If circumstances were different, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" I ask and her whole face lights up.

"If circumstances were different, my answer would be _yes_," she replies and I embrace her.

"Then between you and me, we are engaged," I tease and she actually laughs.

"The locket I gave to you, love, that is my word," I whisper.

"I love you, Anders," she whispers.

"I know," I murmur. She lies down without releasing my hand and she closes her eyes. I smile quietly to myself because she is looking much better. "Are you awake?" I ask.

"Barely. Stay with me, please?" she asks and just like that, she goes to sleep.

"That's my girl," I whisper.

"Anders, here is the potion. Give it to her as soon as she wakes," Wynne says and I turn around. She is standing by the door and she tosses the bottle to me.

"Thank you for everything. She is in good hands," I say and she smiles.

"I am not worried, Anders. You are very gifted and I am impressed. I am going to tell the First Enchanter and, Anders, you should get some sleep as well. If she is feeling better later, bring her to supper. She has to eat and make sure she drinks enough fluid," she advises.

"We have lots of water," I say and she goes out, laughing.

I slip behind her and I wrap my arms around her. She sighs and I know she is at peace.


	25. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

_**Marian**_

I awake and I realise it is early evening and I feel around for Anders, but he is not with me. I swallow hard trying to bite back the sob that is building up.

"Anders?" I call as I sit to look around our room. He is sleeping on my bed and I relax. He is here at least. I lie back down and I stare up at the ceiling remembering my whole experience. To call it _a harrowing_ is an understatement. My experience was terrible and I don'tt want to experience something like it again. It taught me how vulnerable mages are to a demon's influence and how they can easily fool us.

I sit up again because I am restless and I am a bit hungry. I glance at him again and I smile to myself. I can't believe he wants to marry me and it is upsetting to think we might not be able to marry. Not with the way things are with the Chantry and their stupid law.

I glance at him and I decide to get up. I want to be with him, but as I stand my head spins wildly and I fall back onto the bed. I am still nauseous, but I want his warmth and comfort. I try again and I stumble my way to my bed. I scramble over him and I snuggle up to him. He awake and he turns around.

"Hey you," he says softly.

"Andy," I murmur as I snuggle into his frame much to his amusement.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"Nauseous," I reply.

"I have just the thing that will help you. If you will stay where you are for a minute," he says.

"Just don't be too long," I whisper. He reaches over for a bottle and I frown because I don't know what it is."What is that, Anders?" I ask.

"Something to make you feel better," he replies.

"That is evasive," I point out and he sighs.

"Love, it is Elfroot potion. She told me to give some to you as soon as you awoke and you are awake," he says with a smile.

"Obviously I am awake," I tease.

"Then may I give some to you?" he asks.

"Please," I reply.

"Good," he says. He pours some into a wooden spoon and he sits next to me. "Please open up," he says and I laugh at him.

"At least you know how to look after me," I murmur.

"Of course I do," he says and I allow him to give me the potion. I feel the liquid run down my throat and it tastes... pleasant. It is so soothing and I feel a lot better.

"How do you feel now?" he asks.

"Much better, but I am a bit hungry. I just don't know if will be able to keep anything down," I explain.

"Well, why don't we try?" he suggests.

"Alright," I reply.

"Then up you get," he says. I reach for his hands and he pulls me to my feet. Our eyes lock and the air between us starts vibrating with electricity. I slip my arms around him and I kiss him. After a minute, he pulls away and embraces me.

"You really had me worried today," he says softly.

"I know I did, but I am still here, Anders. I am still the same woman I was before my _Harrowing_. It was terrible, Anders. I have never felt so vulnerable in my life and I kept on hearing your voice. You were there, in here," I explain and I press his hand against my chest.

"And I always will be," he teases and he embraces me again. "Now why don't we go and get something to eat?" he suggests.

"I...I think so and maybe Ariana will be around," I say hopefully.

"I am sure she will be. Now before we go, you need to get dressed," he teases.

o0o

He places his arm around my waist and we stroll to the Dining Room. I am no hurry and nor is he.

"Do you want to tell me what happened during your _Harrowing_?" he asks.

"Do we really have to speak about that, Anders? It was terrible and I would rather forget about it for now if you don't mind," I reply.

"I don't mind. You can tell me when you are ready," he says.

"I can tell you this though - it was the worst experience in my life thus far and I don't want to experience something like that again," I explain.

"Trust me, I know what you mean and here we are," he says. He leads me to a quiet table and he strolls off to get me something to eat. I glance around and everyone is looking at me. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and I stifle the sob that is coming. I take a deep, shuddering breath and I stand.

"What are you all looking at?" I ask and an uncomfortable silence ensues. I am ready to run, but Ariana is coming towards me.

"Leave her alone, will you? As if none of you have done the _Harrowing_. Most of you have and everyone reacts differently," she informs them.

I sink back into my chair and I fold my arms. I am trembling and that is because I am upset and I am nauseous again. I rest my head on my arms and my eyes want to close.

"How are you feeling," she asks and I raise my eyes to meet her green ones.

"You tell me," I reply.

"If you want my honest opinion," she replies.

"Just tell me," I mutter and now I am agitated. "Why is he taking so long? All I want is something light to eat and then I want to go back to bed," I mutter.

"You look terrible," she replies and I glare at her.

"You asked, Marian. There is no need to give me that look," she says.

"Whatever," I say and I close my eyes again.

"I am sorry about what I said to you earlier on," she says.

"It is already forgotten, Ariana and besides I have to get well and that is what is important," I murmur.

"Marian, I will be helping Jowan soon," she says.

"Is Duncan still here?" I ask.

"Yes he is. He has been to see me. I think he might conscript me and that does not please me, but I suppose I will have a certain amount of freedom then," she informs me.

"He...he wants to conscript you?" I enquire.

"Yes and a few of the other mages," she replies.

"And if he does?" I ask.

"Then I leave this place for good. I would rather be out there doing some good then stuck in this place wondering when it will all change," she replies.

"What about-?" I ask.

"What about him, Marian? We will never be able to be together. You and Anders might get that chance, but as for Cullen and I, well..." she replies.

"But I thought -?" I whisper

"I do, but we both know we won't be able to pursue our relationship for much longer," she explains.

"And you don't really care, do you?" I ask.

"Here comes Anders," she replies.

"You just want to change the subject, Ariana. You don't fool me. I know you love him," I point out.

"Anders," she greets him and I rest my head on my arms again.

"What is wrong with her?" he asks.

"Do you have some food for me?" I ask.

"I do - some toast and a cup of tea," he replies.

"Thank you." I take my plate from him. I stare at the toast and my nausea worsens. I tentatively takes a bite and I swallow. I wait to see if it is going to stay down and it does. I have another bite and then I drink some tea.

"She is going to help Jowan...When?" he asks.

"I am not sure, but it will probably be within the next week or so. You know, the rumours are still going around about him," she says.

"There I do believe they are true...What does he want you to do?" I ask.

"I think I am going to keep that to myself. I don't think I should discuss it anyway because I have informed Irving and it is he who wants me to see it through," she says.

"Please look after yourself," I murmur and she smiles.

"I always do and now I think I am going to bed. I will see you later," she says.

"Eat up, Marian," Anders says and I push my plate away.

"I can't. If I have one more bite, I am going to vomit," I murmur and he frowns. "Anders, I have eaten half of it and I have drunk my tea. All I want is to go to bed," I whisper.

"But you haven't eaten enough," he points out.

"I know, but please?" I implore.

He sighs and he gives me cheeky smile. "Or is there something else on your mind?"

"You would ask me that, wouldn't you? No there isn't. Well, I am not going to tell you with so many other people around," I tease and he blushes.

"Anders, what is on your mind?" I ask.

"Nothing you already know," he replies.

"I don't think we should for a while, Anders. Well, until I am feeling better," I suggest.

"I wasn't thinking about that, but if you would really like to know then why don't we go to bed?" he asks.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

She heads straight to my bed and she removes her . I am tempted to go to her, but I am unsure if she wants to spend time with me. She is not feeling well and I don't want to force her into anything, but I need some contact with her even if for a short while. She is in her underwear and I can't take my eyes off her. I find her beautiful to behold. She is everything I want in a woman and more.

"Andy, you can stop staring," she says softly.

"I...I wasn't staring. I was merely watching you," I murmur.

"No, you aren't," she says and I hear the amusement in her voice.

"Mmm...Could you come here for a minute?" I ask.

She turns around and she comes towards me. I reach for her hands and I pull her onto my lap.

"What can I do for you?" she asks.

"I just want some time with you," I reply and I embrace her.

"I love you to," she says and she slips her arms around me. "Mmm...You know, I would prefer it if you remove your shirt," she whispers.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because I like to feel your skin against mine, Anders," she replies.

"Then if you will just hang on, I will oblige," I tease. She sits next to me and I turn to look at her. She places her hands on my hips and she slowly tugs my shirt out of the pants. "I see. You want to, don't you?" I ask.

"I do, but I don't know if I am up to it. I am still nauseous," she replies as she slips my shirt up and over my head.

"We don't have to, love," I murmur as I pull her back onto my lap. "We really don't have to," I murmur. She slips her arms around my neck and she moves herself closer to me. I wrap my arms around securely around her and I kiss her.


	26. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

_**Ariana**_

I find Jowan and Lily in the Chantry and it appears I have interrupted an intimate moment they were sharing, but I couldn't care less. I want to get this finished so that I can carry on with my daily life. I want to spend more time with my cousin, especially because she has taken three days to recover from her _Harrowing_. I have just been to her room to check on her, but I came away as soon as I saw her and Anders sharing an intimate moment. I would have liked to tell them about helping Jowan today, but I came because I didn't want to disturb them. It still fascinated me the way he holds her when he is making love to her. He is so gentle with her and it is beautiful to watch.

Now I am on my way to help a Blood Mage destroy his Phylactery. I requested the Lightening Rod from Owain yesterday and I only collected it from him about an hour ago. He was not impressed. He wanted to know why I needed it and I told him I needed it for a research project I was working on and I gave him the permission slip Irving gave to me. I came away feeling agitated because of the monotonous way Tranquil Mages spoke and it irritated me, but apparently it is his choice. I heard that he felt susceptible to demon possession, so he requested to be made Tranquil. I did not understand how any mage could want that because who would want to be cut off from their dreams, forever?

I sigh and I wait for them to finish with whatever they are doing, but things are getting steamy and I sigh again. I can not believe I am intruding on their moment. He is kissing her passionately and as I watch, he picks her up and leans her against the wall. It is not long when they start moving as only lovers can move and I am disgusted. They are in the Chantry, for the Maker's sake.

"Don't you have any respect for Andraste?" I ask and they both look at me with utter disbelief in their eyes. "Jowan, I am not surprised, but you, Lily – a chantry sister? Surely you have some respect for Andraste and the Maker?"

I can not believe what I am seeing and before they explain themselves, I turn away and head to the statue of Andraste. I light a candle to honour her and a sense of peace settles around me.

"Later," says Jowan to Lily.

"She is right, Jowan, surely you can see that?" she asks.

"What does she know anyway, Lily? All she does is spend every night with Cullen just like her cousin spends every night with Anders," he replies.

"They are no better than us, I agree, but this is the Chantry and we should respect that," she says.

"And why do you always bring them into it, Jowan?" I ask.

"Do you have the rod, Ariana or do you no longer wish to assist me?" he asks and Lily frowns.

"She is helping us, not just you, Jowan," she says, straightening herself.

"I meant _us_, Lily," he says.

"I have what you asked me to get, Jowan," I say and I show the rod to them. I notice a glint in his eye and I shiver. For a moment, he looks...evil, but I brush it aside.

"Then let us get moving, shall we?" he politely asks.

"Lead the way," I reply.

Lily and I walk a few feet behind him and she keeps on shooting worrying glances at Jowan.

"What is it?" I ask.

"I...I don't know. I think he is up to something," she replies.

"What makes you say that?" I ask.

"His _Rite of Tranquillity_ is set to take place two days from now and he has done nothing but go on and on about his plan. I hope it is worth the effort, Ariana. I am risking a lot for him," she replies.

"But you do love him?" I ask.

"I...I think so, but-" she whispers.

"But what?" I ask.

"I think he is doing this more for himself then for us a couple. I don't think he loves me as much as he claims. Well, he definitely does not love me the way Anders loves Marian. Now that is quite something. Do you know that he is never far from her side? Even when she thinks he is not there, he is always around keeping his eye on her," she explains.

"It is quite something. They share something that neither one of them understands. All I can tell you is that they love each deeply," I murmur.

"I believe it developed very quickly?" she enquires.

"Yes, it did, but I was not surprised. I knew from the moment they met, it would develop into something else entirely and they don't regret a second of it," I say.

"Well, here we are," Jowan informs us and we quicken our pace to meet up with him. He is standing by the door leading into the basement.

"Do you have the key?" I politely enquire whilst he rummages in his pockets.

"Jowan?" I ask and he pulls out a key.

"I thought I had it somewhere," he says, smiling.

"Well are we going to do this or not?" I ask.

"You are never one to be patient, Ariana," he says. He fits the key into the lock and to our surprise, it opens easily. He turns around and he looks at me. "And now you will lead the way," he says and I glare at him.

"And I am not one to be ordered around by the likes of you," I say and he gives me a surprised look.

"I thought we were friends, Ariana," he says softly.

"We were until you got me involved with this outrageous plan of yours," I say and I look away from him, biting my lip. If I am not careful, I am going to give myself away. I give him another warning look and I stalk into the darkness of the basement. For no reason, I shiver. The atmosphere down here is unpleasant. I quickly cast a small fireball and it floats up into the air providing us with more than enough light.

"Where to?" I ask as Lily steps forward.

"I know there is a door just over there that will take us directly to the Repository," she explains.

"And how do you know this?" I enquire.

"I used to come down to collect candles and such like for the Chantry, but they sealed the door because they have powerful artefacts," she explains. I decide to say nothing more.

"Then lead on," I suggest.

"Alright and there is something else," she says as we walk up the passage. "I know the word that will open the door," she continues.

"There is a special word?" I enquire.

"Ariana, the door is protected by a magical barrier. You will have to cast any spell to dispel the charm using the lightening rod and I will say the word. The door should open. Well, I hope it will open," she explains.

"You hope? So you are not sure?" I ask and she shrugs her shoulders. I decide to say nothing more. At this moment I am more that a bit angry with them.

"Here we are. Take out the lightening rod please," she says. "Point it at the door and use any spell," she continues. I quickly shoot a ball of ice at the door and she utters some word I have never heard before. I don't care to understand because the door is still sealed. I try again and nothing. I turn around and I throw the rod onto the floor sending it cluttering away from me.

"I thought it was supposed to work," I say icily.

"I...I don't understand. It has to work. Please try again," Lily asks.

"No. Is there another way to get to the repository?" I ask.

"Yes, but it is going to take some time to get there," she replies.

"I don't care, Lily," I mutter as I grudgingly retrieve the rod and I storm up the passage. I notice another door. I only hope it will open. I hear them running to catch up to me, but I quicken my pace. As I get closer, I can see there is no magical barrier on this door and I breathe a sigh of relief. I try the doorknob and it swings open in front of me.

"Thank the Maker. Now hurry up," I say as I turn around. They are halfway up the passage, but as they realise the door is open, they run the rest of the way.

"Do you know your way around this part of the basement?" I ask.

"I have never been this far in, but I am sure it is not so difficult," replies Lily.

"Fine, I will lead the way. I ask that you both remain vigilant. Maker knows what we are going to find," I advise.

We find our way to the Repository after what seems liked hours without much incident. Jowan is nearly jumping up and down the closer we get to our destination. He can't stop talking about how good it would feel to destroy his Phylactery and if he wanted, I can destroy mine if it were here.

"No, Jowan. I am not going to be dishonest like you. I have nothing to hide, so they can keep my Phylactery," I say in exasperation.

"But as long as they have that, you will never be free," he points out.

"I know that, but I would rather let them keep it for my own safety. I may have passed my Harrowing, but that doesn't make me less vulnerable to spirits and such like," I explain.

"Well, I intend to be free of this place. I love Lily and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. How can we do that when we I am tied to the Circle and she is vowed to the Chantry?" he asks.

"Are we nearly there?" I ask.

"Yes, yes we are. Look at that door. It will take us directly the Repository," he replies.

"Thank the Maker," I say and we don't say another word to each other as he runs on ahead to open the door.

"He is selfish, Lily. I hope you realise that," I point out.

"You are wrong. He loves me," she says and she heads after him. I stroll the rest of the way into the Repository. When I walk in, I stop. The room is bright blue and it smells like old blood. I scrunch my nose and I follow Jowan's voice until I find them at a small table. There is only one Phylactery in the middle and I wonder if Irving hasn't removes the others to a safer place.

"Why is there only one?" Jowan asks. "And it is mine," he continues. He turns around. "Why only one?" he asks.

"Why ask me? I did as you asked. I wouldn't know why yours is the only one here," I point out. I pick it up and I give it to him. "Here. Do what you must, Jowan," I say and I step away from him. He is smiling to himself.

"Now I am free," he declares, throwing the Phylactery to the ground and it shatters into a million pieces. His blood oozes around the broken shards and I suddenly felt nauseous.

"Can we go now?" I ask.

"I am free, Lily. Thank the Maker," he says as he embraces her. "We can leave this place forever and live a quiet life, just the two of us," he whispers. I catch his eye and I notice the same evil glint I saw earlier when we were in the Chantry. I look away from him because he is kissing her and it makes me sick. He is definitely up to something and I none of us are going to come away as we expect.

"We better go," I advise. While I wait for them, I look around and I notice a magnificent staff. I warily touch it and I feel the power, but I quickly removes my hand. I don't want to take anything from this place and this staff exudes strange power. It sends shivers down my spin and I turn around and they are coming towards me holding hands.

"Are you ready?" I ask.

"We are and thank you. I will never forget this," he says.

"I did not do it for you Jowan. I only helped you to get you off my back and because I want some peace without you nagging me," I inform him and I walk away from them. I know Irving and Knight-Commander Greagoir would be waiting for us and I am eager to see them.


	27. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

_**Marian**_

Anders and I are sitting at the entrance to the basement waiting for Ariana. It was a request by the First Enchanter. He refused to tell us what is going to happen and this makes me anxious. I glance at Anders and he is watching me. His normally warm brown eyes are dark with anxiety and this makes me feel worse. If anything, I want to climb onto his lap and wrap my arms around him to give him some comfort and warmth.

"What do you think is going to happen?"I ask.

"How am I supposed to know, Marian? Do you honestly think the Knight-Commander is going to let off your cousin? His word takes precedence over Irving's. This is going to end badly," he replies.

"Why? She is helping Irving. Why would it _end badly_?" I ask. I am fond of my cousin, I don't want to see her harmed in any way, and I knew he felt the same, but he is always so matter of fact.

"Because she is aiding a Blood Mage, Marian. They might think she is under his influence even though we know that is not the case," he replies.

"Why are you always so matter of fact? I simply have to know," I say.

"Years of living in the Circle has taught me to be realistic," he replies and I frown.

"But what about us? Is there no hope?" I ask and he frowns.

"My sweet Marian, there is hope for us. I have promised you that I will find you and I have promised you that I will marry you...," he trails away and I smile at him.

"You said it again, Anders," I tease.

"Look my love, I know. I want to marry you and maker help me, I will someday," he states and I swat him on the arm.

"And you are being matter of fact once again," I tease and as he tries reaching for my hand, I stand up and gracefully step away from him and he stumbles to the ground.

"You little tease. I will get you," he says, clutching his knee. "Sweet maker, don't just stand there, help me, you little tease," he says and I start laughing.

"Heal yourself, Andy," I tease as I kneel in front of him and to my surprise he pulls me into his arms and he embraces me.

"I'm fine, really," he whispers.

"Anders, don't do that. What if you really hurt yourself and I decide not to believe you?" I point out.

"Because you love me, Mari," he whispers and he kisses my neck, but it quickly changes into something more and I moan. He has never done that before.

"Sweet maker, Andy," I whisper and he suckles a bit harder. The blood rushes to my head and I sag into him. I am tingling all over.

"Andy, please stop," I whisper and he gently pushes me away.

"You will have to cover that up," he teases.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because I have left...Mmm...My mark," he teases and I press my hand where his lips are a moment ago. It is still moist from his kiss and it is tingling madly. He is laughing at me, but we hear footsteps and the door opens. Ariana comes running out with the other two behind her and I hear many voices. I turn around only to find Irving and Greagoir marching towards us. I look back at Jowan and his face drains of all colour as does Lily's, but Ariana, she joins Anders and I.

"So it is true. You have destroyed your Phylactery?" Greagoir asks. He is annoyed. Jowan looks at Ariana and she shrugs her shoulders.

"You betrayed me? How could you, Ariana?" he asks.

"I betrayed you? How can you ask that of me? What about Lily? How much does she really know about you and your Blood Magic?" she asks. I catch Lily's eye and she is in shock.

"Blood Magic? What is she talking about?" she asks.

"I am not using Blood Magic. You must believe me," he implores.

"You have been seen a few times, Jowan," Irving points out.

"It isn't me. I...Why would I-?" he trails away and he pulls out a dagger. "If you think I am involved with Blood Magic, then that is what you get," he declares and he slits his wrists. He utters some spell causing Irving and Greagoir to fly off their feet. Lily gives Jowan a desperate look.

"I trusted you, Jowan. I tried ignoring the rumours, but they have proven true. I love you. How could you do this to me?" she asks.

"Come with me, Lily like we spoke about," he says, trying to grab her hand but she shrugs him away.

"No, I won't. I cannot believe it. I...I trusted you and all this time you used me so that you could destroy your Phylactery. You used me. How could you?" she asks softly and she collapses to the ground. "I gave myself completely to you, Jowan. I...I love you," she says softly.

"Lily please?" he implores but she ignores him. He looks at us before turning on heel and fleeing out of the door.

All this time, Anders says nothing and he is clutching my hand tightly. He is trembling and I realise he is furious and so am I.

"Anders-" I say when I hear Irving call for help. This spurs us to action and we quickly went to their sides.

"Ser, are you alright?" I ask Greagoir as I reach for his hand to help him up.

"I am fine, thank you, Ms Hawke," he replies. "Mmm...You look so much like your Father," he continues. We have not spoken since my arrival and his comment surprises me, but I remain silent.

"Irving, are you alright? Can you hear me?" Anders calls and I turn my attention to them.

"I am fine. I am too old for this," he says softly and we start laughing. "Mmm...No broken bones. My boy, please can you help an old man to his feet?" he asks Anders. I look around and I see Ariana comforting a distraught Lily. When she sees me, she helps her to her feet and they come towards us.

"This is unacceptable, Irving. We cannot allow Ms Amell and Lily to get away with this," Irving says and I turn my attention to them.

"Greagoir, I am aware of Jowan's plan because Ariana told me about it. I asked her to see it through to the end. I asked that she is not punished. She is assisting us," he explains.

"But she might be under his influence. How are we to know?" he asks.

Ariana steps forward just as Duncan joins us.

"Irving, if I may – I think Ms Amell is an excellent recruit for the Grey Warden Order," he says. "I have been watching her for a while and I think she will make an outstanding young Grey Warden," he continues. I catch Ariana's eye and her green eyes are flashing with something.

"You want me to join the Grey Wardens?" she asks.

"Yes, but it will come at a cost. You will not be able to see your cousin again," he explains.

"I will never see Marian again?" she asks.

"No, you won't. It is a sacrifice, I know, but we need more people like you to boost our ranks and you have great potential and you don't have a choice in the matter. I hereby invoke the rite of conscription," he informs her.

"Ser...Duncan, that is not necessary. I accept," she informs him. "But may I have a few words with my cousin?" she asks.

"Of course you may. We will leave first thing tomorrow," he informs her.

"Irving, I hope you don't mind. I think it would be better than the alternative," he says.

"I rather hoped you would recruit her, Duncan. She is an excellent mage and she has proven to be an excellent mentor as well," he replies.

"The other Phylacteries?" Greagoir asks Irving.

"My friend, I removed them when I first heard of Jowan's plan. They are in a safe place in Denerim. No mage will be able to get hold of them again," he explains.

"And Ms Hawke's? What of her one?" he enquires and I catch Irving's eye.

"It is safe as well," he replies and I breathe a sigh of relief. He has not taken a sample of my blood for a Phylactery because I am not going to be here permanently and he knows my Father. He knows I will be safe once I return home.

"And as for your three, say your goodbyes. She will leave early tomorrow," Duncan informs us.

"What about me, Greagoir?" asks Lily.

"Go back to your cloister, Lily and I will speak to the Reverend Mother. Maybe she will be lenient knowing that you were not aware of Jowan's Blood Magic, but I cannot be sure," he replies.

"As you wish, Ser," she says and she walks out without a backward glance.

"What will they do with her? It is not her fault," I say.

"She will be punished. The Chantry doesn't tolerate Blood Magic and they don't tolerate anyone breaking their vows. I don't know what they will do to her," replies Irving.

"Ariana, you didn't take anything from the Repository?" Irving asks.

"No Ser. I left everything alone, just as you asked," she replies.

"Irving, Jowan has escaped, his Phylactery destroyed. How in the Maker's name are we going to find him? He is a blood mage and a danger to anyone who should cross his path," states Greagoir.

"We will have to send a few of your men to search for him, but in all honesty, I doubt anyone will find him," he states.

"And I think we should go, Anders," I suggest.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

We stroll back to our room with Ariana following closely behind us. I don't really feel like her company because I am so angry about what happened. I want to talk it out with Marian, but she insisted that she comes with us, despite my subtle hints.

"So you are going to become a Grey Warden," Marian asks.

"Do I have a choice? It is certainly better than what I would get for assisting a blood mage," she replies.

"If I recall, you did not have a choice," Marian points out.

"Look, I know that, but have you considered how I feel about it? Do you realise I have to say goodbye to Cullen? The only man I have ever loved?" she asks.

"Mmm...He is your first, isn't he?" asks Marian.

"What gave you that idea?" she replies.

"Nothing. I am just wondering that is all," replies Marian.

"If you must know, he is my first, but I honestly think being a Grey Warden and free is better than this place. Maybe I will get to see the world. Who knows?" she says.

"And if you don't mind, Ariana, would it be possible if I can have some time with my girlfriend?" I ask.

"Then I better say my goodbyes now. Marian, I am going to miss you. Tell you what, once I know where I am going, I will write to you and please look after yourself and more importantly look after Andy," she says to Marian.

"I am going to miss you, Ariana. You must take care of yourself," she says and she embraces her. "You are lucky. You are going to be free," she says.

"You will be free someday Marian and if anything, Anders will find you. I am sorry that I won't be around to see you two get married one day," she says.

"Maybe you will be who knows?" she asks.

"And Andy, take care of my cousin. You will not find another woman like her. She is a rare gem and you must cherish her even when you are apart, cherish her. She loves you and I honestly don't think there is anyone else for her. You are two halves of the same whole, remember that and...Thank you for being a good friend. I will never forget you," she murmurs me as we embrace.

"Thank you for everything, Ariana and May the maker guide you your new path... Now please, I need time with Marian," I whisper.

"See you later, maybe?" she asks as she steps out of our room.

"If we can find you, but I doubt that. I think you are probably going to go to Cullen," I tease and she smiles.

"I must say my goodbyes to him," she says and just like that, she is gone. I sigh quietly as I close the door and I turn around. Marian is right in front of me and before either of us realise it we are kissing each other. I start fumbling with her robes and I manage to hoist them up around her waist. She is fumbling with my clothing, but she makes quick work of everything. Before long we are standing in front of each other in nothing but our underwear. I notice the bruise I gave to her on her neck and I grin at her.

"What?" she asks and I gently touch it, but she doesn't flinch away from me. If anything, she presses my hand against it. "I want another one, but can you be discreet?" she asks and I burst out laughing.

"Where can I give you another one?" I tease and she starts laughing.

"Anders," she murmurs and she wraps her arms around my neck. "Just make love to me," she whispers and she kisses me. I can feel her tongue dance with mine and I deepens the kiss. I crush my lips to hers and she lets out a surprised gasp, but I don't stop. I am going to make the most intimate love to her. She just doesn't realise it yet. I slip my arms around her and I lift her slightly. She takes this as an invitation to wrap her legs around my waist. I collapse onto the bed holding her securely in my arms...


	28. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

_**Marian**_

It is nearly 5am and I am lying in his arms watching him sleep. I gently touch his face. He always looks so peaceful and happy. He is smiling about something and it makes me smile. I touch his nose, his eyes and I skim my finger across his lips and he smiles even more. I am tempted to kiss him, but I don't want to wake him. I sigh as I snuggle into the warmth of his arms.

I can't believe I would not see my cousin again. I know she is probably up getting ready to leave with Duncan and I want to see her, but at the same time, I don't. I know I would react badly because I feel I would be truly alone. I would have no link to my Mother and it saddens me. I am also annoyed with Jowan for involving her with his stupid plan and now they would never be able to track him. He is out there using his Blood Magic for Maker knows what and it angers me. He is dangerous. I know Anders felt the same. We have not spoken about it since we returned to our room last night, instead he made the most intimate love to me and I am still tingling from the intensity of it. I know he is afraid he might lose me for who knows what reason. I did reassure him that I would only love him and that I am committed to him even though we both realise we would never be able to marry under our current circumstances. We would only be able to marry if both of us lived free from the Circle, but we did not foresee that happening any time soon.

I sigh again and I gently disentangle myself out of his arms. I want to see Ariana before she leaves, but as I climb out of the bed; I feel a warm hand on my arm.

"Love please stay a while," he says softly. I don't have much choice, because he pulls me onto his chest.

"I would like to, but I want to see Ariana before she leaves," I say.

"But it is going to upset you," he says.

"I am already upset, Anders and I am furious with Jowan. It is not worth all the trouble he put her through," I say.

"And please don't get me started. I despise Blood Magic and anyone who is foolish enough to use it," he says. I can feel the tension in his arms. "And I am furious with him. Ariana and Lily are good women and now the one is leaving to join the Grey Wardens and maker knows what is going to happen to Lily. I...I feel sorry for her. She is innocent in all of this. It just goes to show you can never trust a mage who dabbles in Blood Magic," he explains.

"And you need to calm down, Anders," I say when I feel him tremble beneath me.

"That is impossible. It angers me, Marian," he says.

"Well then, allow me to indulge you for a moment," I tease. I made myself more comfortable in his arms and I kiss him.

"Good morning," I whisper and he grins at me.

"I can get used to this, you know," he teases.

"Why don't you just keep quiet while I indulge you?" I ask and his face lit up.

"Are you attempting to seduce me at this early hour?" he asks.

"Not really. I am merely...teasing you," I reply. I kiss him again as I move slightly.

"Love, please? We...I spent most of the night making love to you..." he reminds me.

"Mmm...At least you are not trembling...anymore," I manage to say when I feel him grow hard beneath me. It is too much for him because he wraps me in his arms and rolls with me until I am trapped beneath his strong body and the bed.

"Don't tease the mage," he drawls and I start laughing, but not for long because he presses his lips against mine. He gently runs his tongue along my bottom lip and I part my lips to allow him entrance. By this point, my nerves are tingling and I am aching for him.

"I like to tease the mage," I whisper and he laughs against my mouth and that only excites me further. I feel myself arch towards him and he lets our a low sigh. I smile, another dance has begun...

-o0o-

It is nearly 7am and we are lying with our arms and legs entangled. We are still trying to bring our raging emotions under control. I touch his face and it is moist with sweat. I am still tingling and I feel as if I might float away on a cloud.

"Thank you," he whispers as he kisses my forehead.

"That is...something else," I whisper and he kisses me again.

"I know. Do you want another round?" he asks and I laugh at him.

"Mmm...I don't think I can handle another round. Well, at least not today, but thank you," I reply.

"Do you think Ariana is still here?" I ask.

"I...I don't know. I do not know if they have already left. You can go and check if you would like," he suggests.

"Are you chasing me away?" I ask.

"No, of course not. I just thought you would want to maybe see," he replies.

"Fine, but if you would let me go, I might be able to," I tease.

"You are such a tease. Who taught you?" he asks and I give him a playful swat on his arm.

"You did. Who else?" I ask.

"I am a terrible teacher then," he says with downcast eyes and I smile at him.

"I would not know, my love. You are my only teacher," I tease.

"Go away, Mari," he teases as he turns away from me.

"Andy, come with me," I suggest as I press myself against his back. I enjoyed feeling his skin against mine.

"Mari love," he teases and he glanced at me. His eyes are darker than normal. They are smouldering and it excited me.

"Not...again," I whisper. He turns around and he pulls me against him. He touch my cheek and he kisses me.

"You asks for it," he murmurs.

"Mmm...Please come with me?" I ask.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

After much persuasion and laughter, we are on our way to Ariana's room. Marian is in good spirits for some reason and I can only attribute that to our recent intimacy. I slip my arm around her waist and I kiss her cheek much to the surprise of some apprentices we walk past.

"Go, Anders," the one shouts and I grin at him.

"I can always show you more," I inform him and he the young man goes off laughing.

Marian nudges me in the ribs. "What?" I ask.

"Do you really have to let the world know?" she asks.

"They already know. They heard my declaration of love for you the other day. By now the Circle is buzzing with the news," I tease her, but she is not amused.

"They don't approve, Anders," she says.

"And I don't care what they think. All that matters to me is you and the hope that we might leave the Circle together, but that is unlikely to happen," I inform her.

"Don't say things like that, Anders. If I could, I would insist they let you go as well, but I can't. Andy, will you remain loyal?" she asks and I am taken aback by her question.

"Love, why would I want someone else? No one else will fill me as completely as you do and besides that, I only want to be with you. No matter where our paths take us, I will always love you and I don't want to look at another woman," I explain. "And you my love?" I ask.

"Andy love, you are mine. You will always be mine and I don't ever intend letting you go even though it might be months before we see each other," she replies and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"I gave you this locket," I remind her as I take it out from under her robes. "Take it as my proposal, love," I whisper and she embraces me.

"Yes, please, it is want I want," she whispers.

"Marry me, Marian," I whisper.

"Yes, I do," she whispers. I lift her and I swing her around.

"Mmm...I will have to find a ring for you," I tease.

"No. This is good enough, Anders," she says softly.

"I love you more than you will ever know," I say as I open Ariana's door. I head in and Ariana is busy packing her bag.

"You are still here. How?" Marian asks.

"Marian, good morning and Anders. You both look happy. What happened?" she asks.

"We are happy and engaged," I inform her and she nearly fell off her bed.

"Anders, will it be possible?" she asks.

"We don't know, Ariana, but it is out there. It is more of a commitment. You must understand, I love her and I will do anything for even if it means escaping the Circle," I reply.

"And you, Marian?" she asks.

"I love him. What more is there to say?" she asks, folding her arms. I realise she is upset by her cousin's response. I slip my arm around her and I kiss her cheek.

"I guess there is nothing more to say, but I don't want to see you get hurt. I do not see how he can escape. He has try five times already," she points out.

"I will find a way," I say quietly and I am ready to walk out taking Marian with me. This is not the response I expected. "I think you are full of nonsense and jealousy," I murmur.

"And we have discussed this once before, Anders. I am not going to discuss it again. Fine, do whatever makes you happy," she mutters and she starts throwing clothes into her bag. She also started trembling and we realised she is crying.

"I don't want to go, Marian. This has been my home for years. I am so afraid," she says softly.

"You don't have a choice, Ari unless you are thinking about Cullen," Marian says softly.

"He ended it last night. He says he couldn't bear the thought to touch me because I might be corrupted by Jowan's influence and blood magic," she whispers.

"He was never good for you, Ari," I murmur as I touch her shoulder. She turns around and she wraps her arms around me.

"He was so unkind, Anders. He would not even listen to my explanation that Irving wanted me to see it through to the end. He...He is an ass and I love him," she whispers.

"I love you, Ariana." Someone says and we turn around. Cullen is standing by the door looking like the ass he is.

"I...I don't believe you. If you did, you would never have said what you said. You called me Maleficar, Cullen. How could you? You know I have never dabbled in Blood Magic," she says softly.

"I...I...I am sorry, Ariana. I was furious that he involved you with his scheme. I know I say things I shouldn't have, but I don't want us to part badly," he explains.

"Part badly," she scoffs. "It is a bit late for that. I gave everything to you, you know and what did you do?" she asks and he looks away. "You have an issue with Mages, Cullen and what makes it worse is that you know most of us are good people, but you are quick to judge someone and brand them as Maleficar even when you know it is not the case. I...I think you should leave," she says softly. She is broken by his rejection of her and I feel like hitting him square in the jaw, but I am not going to. I can't because Marian is holding tightly to my arms.

"But, Ari...I...I love you," he implores, coming towards her. He reaches for her hands and before any of us realised it, he is kissing her passionately.

"I love you, Ariana and I always have and I am so...so sorry," he whispers. I take Marian by her hand and I lead her out of the room closing the door behind us.

"She loves him even after what he says. She loves him, Marian. I don't understand," I say.

"Love, surely you do understand?" she asks.

"But-" I say.

"Anders, she loves him and that is all she sees and feels. He insulted her, but at the heart of the matter, she loves him. I honestly thought you would understand," she says.

"But why are you upset?" I ask.

"I am trying to see why you don't understand. You and I share something special and I would never give up so easily on our relationship," she replies. "I...I won't be able to," she continues.

"And I wouldn't expect you to, Mari. I love you and I am sorry. I just find it difficult...He insulted her. If he truly loved her, he would not have said what he did," I explain. "Maker help me, I would never insult you," I continue and she rewards me with a smile. We link arms and we stroll up the passage and out into the cool morning air.

"This is much better. Fresh cool air is what I need after spending the better part of this week inside," she says. "What does a mage do once the Harrowing is over?" she asks.

"Well, you can continue your studies or you can mentor the younger apprentices or you can do research," I reply.

"You know, I would like to try mentor the children. With Ariana leaving today, they are going to need someone to fill her place," she says.

"And you want to do that?" I ask.

"Well, yes. I can teach them a few things. I can draw on my own experience. If anything, I have learnt the meaning of what my father try to teach me: _Magic will serve that which is best in me. Not that which is most base_," she says softly. "I can help others using my healing magic, Anders. I only wish I am as good as you," she continues.

"Most mages can heal, but some like me and Wynne, we are natural healers. It is effortless. When I examined you after your Harrowing, I didn't have to think too hard. I instinctively knew what I was doing and Wynne was quite impressed. I think you have learnt all you can about healing magic, but do you know how to make potions?" I ask.

"No. Have you?" she replies.

"I know the recipes, but I have never tried. Perhaps we should ask Wynne, but for now, I think you should take it easy. The last week has been difficult for you," I say.

"I know and I need to write to my family. I know Irving said he would write to them, but I want tell them about my experience, Anders," she says.

"Why don't you tell me?" I ask as I slip my arms around her. We both look out over Lake Calenhad, and sigh. "It's beautiful, don't you think?"

"So calm and peaceful," she replies.

"So you won't tell me?"

"It was terrible, Anders. I...I get sick when I think about it. My family was in the Fade and when I spoke to them, they transformed... Bethany and Carver transformed into shades and my parents into abominations, but the thing that hurt me the most is that the person who is supposed to help me sounded just like you. And there is something else – I kept on hearing your voice, encouraging me. It was the strangest feeling," she explains and she becomes silent. She leans heavily against me and I know she is seeking some comfort.

"You don't have to continue," I murmur as I tighten my arms around her.

"I...I don't think I can," she says and I look at her. She is pale.

"Mmm...Hush love. I think you need some tea," I tease and she smiles at me, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"I think I would like that," she says.


	29. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

_**Marian**_

_Dear Mother_

_I hope all is well with Father, Bethany and Carver. I am well considering my terrible experience when I undertakes the Harrowing Ritual, but I come through. I believe First Enchanter Irving is going to write to you to tell you of my success._

_I am also sick after my harrowing. I spent three days in bed. I am coping with bouts of extreme nausea and before you get concerned, I am not with child. It is mainly due to stress and the best part is that I am Anders' first patient. Maker, I love him, Mother and if anything...I want to spend my life with him, but...we cannot unless he is free of the Circle._

_Ariana has joins the ranks of the Grey Wardens. She left two days ago and I am sorry she has left. I miss her terribly, but she has no choice in the matter. She would be the second person in our family to join the Grey Wardens._

_I hope Father is reading this because I would like him to know that I finally understand what he always try to teach me. Magic serves that which is best in me. Not that which is most base. I want to use my gift to help others. I may not heal as well as my Anders, but I want to help regardless. I also would like to mentor the children, but that is still under discussion by Irving and Wynne._

_For now, I spend my time in the library with Anders. We are learning how to make healing potions and I have discovered that I am quite proficient at that much to his annoyance. We have friend competitions to see who can produce the best healing potions. So far, I have beaten him much to his disbelief, but I know how to work around that. _

_How is Bethany? How is Carver? I miss them and they must be growing up. I am sorry I will miss their tenth birthday next month. _

_And now Anders has a few words to write..._

_Love_

_Marian_

I drop my pen onto the desk and I move over so that he can sit down. He gives me a quick kiss and he picks up the pen I just used.

"What do you intend telling her?" I ask.

"I intend asking for your hand," he replies.

"But-" I say.

"I insist. I might not get the opportunity again," he says.

"But...Oh alright, Anders. Go ahead," I say and he smiles at me. I peered over his shoulder...

_Dear Leandra,_

_I have something to ask you and Malcolm, but before I do, I want you to know a few things first:_

_I love her completely and I know we might not be able to get married due to me still being tied to the Circle, but if the opportunity should arise, I would like to make her my wife. She makes me so happy and she brings me a sense of peace I have not known for years. I...I love her more than my own life and I would do anything for her._

_Anders_

"So what do you think?" he asks as I sit on the bed.

"Anders, what if we can't? What then?" I ask. He frowns.

"Mmm...My love, I would not worry about that now. Is it not enough that I am here? That you are here? I want them to know how much I love you. I will not deny that we might not be able to, but that is not important. I love you and maker help me, I will find a way," he says.

"But you are not sure?" he asks.

"Andy, I want to marry you and maker willing, it will happen, but you are right. It is enough that you are here. It is enough to know that you love me," I reply.

"Well, I hope they won't be annoyed but that won't stop me from being with you," he says.

"Well, it definitely won't stop me from doing this," I tease. I take him by the hand and I gently pull him to his feet. He starts laughing and I slip my arms around his neck. "If we do, you should take my surname," I tease.

"Anders Hawke?" he asks with twinkling eyes. "I like the way it sounds," he says.

"Then get used to it my love, because in my heart you are already a Hawke," I tease and I kiss him.

"Oh, I see," he teases as he pulls me closer.

"What do you see?" I ask.

"Mmm...A beautiful woman who has given me joy, love and happiness," he replies and he kisses me. It is gentle at first, but the longer we kiss, the more desperate it becomes. One would think we haven't made love in months when we actually made love two days ago. He cups my face and he pulls away long enough to tell me how much he loves me. I smile at him and I kiss him. I want him to make love to me. I want to feel his familiar body against mine and by the way he is kissing me, he is going to do that exactly.


	30. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

_**Hawke Family Home, Lothering**_

_**Leandra**_

"For the Maker's sake, she is being foolish," I complain to Malcolm. He is busy explaining to Bethany the importance of controlling how much mana to use. She is gazing at him with utmost adoration and Carver is sulking in the corner. I have spoken to Malcolm many times about spending time with his son, but he refuses. He told me he could not split himself because she has to learn to use her magic properly. He told me that he doesn't want to send her to the Circle. He says he made mistakes with Marian. He was too lenient on her. He gave her too much free reign and he is not going to repeat that mistake again.

"Malcolm, give the poor child a break. She is getting tired. Why do you have to push her like this? She is only ten for the maker's sake," I point out and he looks at me, scowling.

"Fine, Bethany, you can rest now. I need a few words with your mother," he says and I notice Carver looking at his father hopefully, and he ignores him.

"Malcolm, stop ignoring your son. He needs you. Can you not see that?" I ask in exasperation as I throw Marian's letter onto the table.

"Carver, come here," I call and he runs into my arms. He is getting so tall and he has just turned ten. He is also quite broad across his shoulders. He enjoys playing with wooden swords and he is a natural.

"Mama, play with me," he implores and I sigh.

"Come along then and bring your swords," I say and he disappears into his room, smiling.

"And what is this about Marian being foolish?" Malcolm asks as he picks up Marian's letter.

"He proposed to her, Malcolm. Look, there is a letter from him asking for our permission," I explain.

"They are just kids, Leandra. You can't expect this to be serious," he points out.

"Malcolm, have you not been listening to me? She loves him more than life itself and he loves her just as much. They are being very serious. How do they think they are going to get married? The Chantry will not allow it and he will not be able to leave the Circle either. This is going to be disastrous," I explain.

"Leandra, Marian is a sensible young woman and did you bother reading the rest of her letter? She passed her Harrowing, love," he told me and I snatch the letter from him. I quickly peruse it, but I frown when I read about her being sick and nauseous.

"She has been ill as well, love. She was in bed for three days with extreme nausea. She says she is not with child," I say.

"Then you should be relieved. She knows what she is doing if she wishes marry Anders some day, then there is nothing you or I can do about it. She has loved him since she met him. Something passed between them, Leandra. It was powerful and I don't think it is fair to them if we refuse to allow this," he points out.

"Then if they are so intent on this, is there no way you can speak to Irving and request to have him come home with her?" I suggest and he nearly falls out of his chair.

"But love, do you know what that means?" he asks.

"Of course I know what it means, but if he is not free, he is going to try and escape to be with her, so why don't save them the stress of it all and ask Irving to allow him to come home with our daughter at the end of this year?" I ask.

"That means four mages, Leandra. It will cause so much stress for us," he says.

"Malcolm, you told me yourself that he is a good lad. I don't see what the problem is and besides he will be free if Irving grants us permission. I don't see why not."

"Fine, fine. I will write to him, but don't expect him to agree. Mages are in the Circle for a reason and we mustn't forget that," he says and he stand up as Carver comes back into the room.

"Play with him, Malcolm while I see to Bethany," I say and she ran into my arms.

"When is she coming home, Mama?" she asks.

"Soon, she will be home, but you need to rest," I reply. She curls into my lap and she is asleep very quickly. I sigh as I stand cradling her.

"Leandra you do realise that if he lives with us, they are going to want to share the same room and the same bed. What I can gather is that she spends all her time with him and that means they are sleeping together. I just hope it is by permission," he points out with a worried frown.

"Maker knows. Write to Irving and let us see what happens, but I am not going to tell Marian anything. I don't want her to get her hopes up and then they are dashed if he refuses," I say.

"I know. I don't want to see her hurt either. I will see you a bit later?" he asks as he reaches for Carver's hand. He is smiling so much and he is excited because he is going to spend time with his father. He craves his father's company, but the problem that is slowly emerging is his resentment of Bethany and he never expresses his sadness. Sometimes I saw him clench his small fists as if he were trying so hard to stay in control of his emotions.

"See you later my boy," I call, and he waves at me.

I head into their room and I gently lower Bethany onto her bed. She is small in comparison to her brother, but she resembles Marian more and more as the days goes by. She has a mop of hair and she is growing it. Unlike her sister who preferred the tomboy look, Bethany liked to wear pinafores and pretty dresses. Marian in contrast, liked wearing pants and blouses. Sometimes she wore her Father's shirts, but she didn't care as long as she was comfortable, she was happy.

I watch Bethany curl herself into a small ball and I cover her with a sheet. She definitely resembles Marian, but she does not have the same blue eyes as her sister. Bethany's eyes are a dark blue much the same colour as her brother's eyes. I touch her forehead and she smiles.

I love all my children, but having mages in the family is not easy. We have been living in the quiet village of Lothering for quite a few years now after we moved from village to village to avoid the Templars. When we moved here, we found that no one really noticed us. They only become aware once Marian started showing off in front of the Villagers. Malcolm and I thought at the time, that we would have to move again, but we didn't want to move the twins. I was upset when he suggested the Circle to me, but it seems to be doing Marian the world of good. She is the happiest she has ever been. She is finding herself and I think Anders plays a huge part in helping her along the way.

I head back into the living room and I sit at my desk thinking about what I can say to her. I am pleased she has passed her Harrowing and I am pleased about the fact that she might be given the opportunity to mentor the children. She is very good with children especially Bethany and Carver. They idolised her, but I had a feeling that was going to change once she returns home. I look out of the window and I notice Carver and his Father battling it out with wooden swords. He is very good at it and I know he would be pleased if he received a proper sword.

-o0o-

I have been busy with my letter to Marian for about an hour when Carver comes running in, crying. I drop my pen and I quickly go to him. Malcolm is not far behind him.

"Carver, let me help you," Malcolm says as he takes him by the hand.

"You hurt me daddy," he sobs and I try my best not to smile at him.

"I know and I am sorry, but I can make it better," he says softly.

"I want Mommy to make it better," he sobs and I smile to myself.

"What is wrong with healing him, my love?" ask Malcolm.

"Daddy can help you, Carver," I murmur.

"No, I want you to make it better," he insists and I start laughing.

"Malcolm, please can you fetch me the elfroot salve in the kitchen?" I ask.

"I can heal him," he mutters as he stalks off.

Carver sits on my lap and playes with my fingers.

"Did you have fun with daddy?" I ask him and he smiles at me.

"I want a real sword, Mommy," he says.

"Well, when you are older, we will get one for you, but for now you must practice with the wooden swords."

"Why can't I get one now?" he asks

"Listen to me, my son, when you are big and strong like daddy, we will get you one," I promise and he drifts off for a moment.

"When is Marian coming home?" he asks and I sigh inwardly.

"Not for a long, long time," I reply just as Malcolm comes back me holding a bottle and some bandages.

"Can I help you now?" Malcolm asks.

"Yes," he replies.

"What happened out there?" I ask.

"We got carried away, love and things got out of hand. I accidentally cut him whilst blocking him. He has talent, Leandra. He is very quick on his feet. He got me quite a few times," he explains. Carver start laughing and the sound fills my heart with joy.

"You should play with him more often," I tease.

"I will once Marian is at home. She can always teach Bethany," he suggests.

"Really? Do you think she is going to be up to it?" I ask.

"If this is about Anders-" he says quietly.

"It is about Marian and Anders, Malcolm. You will not be doing her any favours by bringing her home without him," I point out.

"Leandra, I told you I would write to Irving," he says impatiently and I hold my tongue. I know better than to argue with him.

"There you go, Carver. All fixed," he says softly and Carver slips off my lap and into his father's arms.

"Thank you, daddy," he says softly.

"I love you," Malcolm says.

"I am going to play with Bethany," he says and he runs into their room before I can call him away.

"Go away, Carver," I hear Bethany say and I catch Malcolm's eye. He is watching me intently and I am drawn to him.

"Malcolm?" I ask. He is looking at me in much the same way he used to when we first married.

"Now, but the children?" I murmur and my breathing hitches. The air is suddenly vibrating with electricity and he is looking at me with such intensity. He reaches for my hands and he pulls me to my feet. Before I can breathe, he presses his lips against mine and I swoon. He has not kissed me in this way for a very long time. I find myself wrapping my arms around his body while he presses his body into mine. He relentlessly explores my mouth and my knees buckle.

"Malcolm," I murmur. He breaks off the kiss and he kisses me on my forehead.

He takes me by the hand and he leads me into the privacy of our room. He closes the door to let the children know that they must not disturb us, but by the sounds of their laughter, they are having a lot of fun and we both know they would be busy for a long time.

"Leandra," he whispers as he presses his lips against mine and the intensity of his kiss surprises me.

"Where does this come from?" I whisper against his mouth and he laughs.

"It has been a long time, Leandra and I want to make love to you," he replies. I wrap my arms around him and he lifts me slightly. I can feel his heat against mine and maker help me, he is ready. I move away from his mouth and trace kisses along his jawline and I find the spot that gives him utmost pleasure. He nearly collapses, but we fall onto the bed with our arms around each other.

"Malcolm you tease," I murmur and he nuzzles me in the neck.

"One forgets you know," he teases and I start laughing.

"I know, but please?" I ask him, and he kisses me in response.


	31. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

**The Circle of Magic**

_**Marian**_

Six months passed since Ariana joined the Grey Warden and now I was clutching a letter I just received from her. She wrote that she barely survived the _Joining Ritual_ and I did not know what she was talking about and I wanted to find out from Anders if he knew anything. She also said that since her joining, she has the most terrible nightmares. I perused the letter again and I smiled to myself. She appeared to be happy with her newfound freedom, but she was also lonely and she wrote that she misses Cullen terribly.

I found Anders in the library mentoring the children. I stuffed the letter into my pocket and I leaned against the door, watching him teach. He was delighted when Irving told him that he wanted him to mentor the new young mages who arrived at the Circle. I could see by their enraptured expressions that they loved him to bits. He was proving to very popular amongst the younger mages.

I moved into the library and I sat at a table not too far from him. I sat back in my chair and I listened to what he was telling them.

"Mana is what a mage needs in order to use his magic. It is what makes us different to other people. Everyone is born with magic in his or her blood, but most lack the potential to tap into it. Whereas with us, it comes naturally as breathing does," he explained.

"Does everyone understand me thus far? Any questions?" he asked.

"I have one," I called and he whipped around, smiling.

"Marian, what would you like to know?" he asked.

"How does one control the amount of mana he or she uses?" I asked. I already knew the answer to this, but I wanted him to explain it to the children.

"That is an excellent question. Thank you," he said. "Well, children, we need strong willpower to control the amount of mana we use. If we use too much, we will be left feeling exhausted, but there is something one can drink to help with that, but I would not recommend it," he explained.

"Why Ser? Is it dangerous?" a young teenage boy asked.

"Well, in small quantities, it is not dangerous, but-" he said when I raised my hand. He gave me an amused smile. "What is it, Marian?" he asked.

"Perhaps you should tell them what it is first," I suggested and he frowned.

"Marian, this is my lesson," he said in exasperation and I raised my hands in defeat and I sat back in my chair. The children were very amused by our exchange.

"It is called Lyrium. It is a potion made from Lyrium dust. If consumed in huge quantities, it becomes very dangerous because it is highly addictive. Most of the Templars use Lyrium to resist our magical spells," he explained. "That is what makes a templar, a templar," he continued.

"Ser, I have heard that some mages use Lyrium to increase their magical reserves," a teenage boy not much older than me said.

"That is true, we can use it for that, but if you have a strong magical reserve, then why use Lyrium in the first place?" he pointed out.

"Do you use it, Ser?" the same boy asked.

"No I don't and nor does my...Marian," he replied and this slip up caused the older children to laugh.

"Why don't you just say it, Ser? We know about you and...Your Marian," a young girl said and this caused them to talk amongst themselves.

"They say Chantry Law forbids it," someone said and I caught Anders eye. He was frowning and he was annoyed.

"Children, children, I think that is enough. I do not think Anders has finished your lesson. If you will please settle down," I said firmly. They slowly settled down and I kept on shooting glances at him. He was annoyed.

"I...Thank you, Marian. I...I will speak to you later," he said softly. I caught his eye and I held his gaze for a full minute. I did not want to leave so I went back to my seat and I grabbed the nearest book I could find. I laughed quietly when I realised it was all about Lyrium - its uses and it dangers. It was what he needed to explain it to the children.

I perused it and I found it fascinating. Lyrium was made from an ore in only found the Deep Roads. It was very dangerous and extremely volatile. I sighed as I closed the book. I was feeling restless. I wanted some time with Anders, but he was still busy with his lesson. I started paging through the book again and it was not long until I was lost in it. It was interesting and it made me realise that I would not drink it to enhance my magical reserves. The book also said that it could have severe psychological affects if used in large quantities.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I dismissed my class after a further half-an-hour of explaining to them the dangers of Lyrium. I gathered my notes and parchment, and I stuffed it all into my bag. I saw Marian reading a book and I quietly approached her. She took no notice of me, whether it was deliberate on her part, I was not too sure. I sat across from her and I reached for her hand that was resting on the table.

"Marian?" I called, trying to get her attention and she lowered her book. "What are you reading about?"

"Lyrium, Anders. It is most interesting and you could have used it for your lesson," she replied.

"I think I did well explaining it to them," I said.

"Mmm...I am sorry for interfering, Anders. It won't happen again," she said softly.

"No love, it is alright, please don't worry about it," I reassured her as I gently massaged her hand. "Why did you come here? I thought you were going to spend some time in the garden."

"I received a letter from Ariana," she explained.

"And what did she say?" I asked.

"She barely survived the _Joining Ritual_, Anders. Do you know what she is talking about?" she asked.

"I don't know much about the Grey Wardens, but it sounds terrible what she went through. I suppose that is the price one pays. Who knows?" he replied. She swatted me on the arm with her book and I flinched away from her. "What was that for?" I asked, rubbing my arm.

"You are supposed to be knowledgeable, Andy," she replied.

"I am, my love, but I don't know much about them. Honest," I said in an effort to explain myself, but she was not impressed.

"Surely you know something?" she asked.

"Love, I don't know. I swear on my honour that I don't know any more than you do," I said.

"Your honour, you say? Let me see how honourable you will be when I do this," she said softly as she scooted next to me. She gave me a cheeky smile and she slipped her hand under the table. She rested her hand on my thigh and I clenched my hands into fists. This amused her no end because she started laughing.

"I have not done anything," she said softly and I reached for her wandering hand.

"If you don't stop, I can only imagine what will happen next," I teased. I decided to play along with her and see where it would lead us. I caressed her upper thigh and she elicited a soft sigh.

"Andy," she whispered, but I took no notice of her. I held her eyes as my hand did the rest. Before long she was squirming restlessly next to me and her cheeks were flushed.

"Two can play this game," I teased as I gently pressed my finger against her.

"Can we go elsewhere?" she asked.

"You asked for it," I teased.

"Then take me, Anders before I explode," she whispered. She scooted onto my lap and within two seconds she unbuckled my belt and she slipped off my shorts. I, in the mean time pushed her robes up around her waist and in one fell sweep I removed her underwear. I stuffed it into my bag much to her amusement.

"Oh sweet maker," she moaned as I guided her onto me. I moaned softly and I slowly thrust into her. She pushed down on me and at the same time, I could feel her muscles clenching. She moaned and I covered her lips with my mine.

"Hush my love," I murmured as she slowly rocked into me.

"In the library, I cannot believe it," she murmured.

"Not so loud," I teased and she pressed her lips against mine. She was clenching me tightly at this point and I was ready to explode. I thrust into her again much to her delight. This only encouraged her to push down onto me and she let out a surprised gasp when I hit her sweet spot.

"Andy," she moaned.

"Hush my love," I whispered as I gently wrapped my arms around her. I thrust again and she moaned, throwing her head back. I lifted her slightly and she pushed down. "Mari," I moaned as I felt my seed explode into her. She followed shortly after me and we relaxed in the chair. She rested her head on my shoulder and I held her securely against me.

"I love you, my love," I whispered.

"So much for being honourable," she teased and I laughed into her hair that smelled like Andraste's Grace.

"I have no control around you, my love. You shouldn't tease the mage," I teased and she laughed.

"I love you to, Andy," she whispered.

I smiled at her because she always looked so contented after we shared intimate moments. I brushed her hair back and she smiled at me.

"And you really don't know much about the Grey Wardens?" she asked and I groaned. I could not believe she was asking me about it again.

"Love, I thought I made myself clear. I do not know anything about the Grey Wardens. All I know is that they are called upon when there is Blight infecting the lands. Other than that, I honestly don't know," I explained impatiently and she looked away from me.

"I...I am sorry, Marian. I did not mean...Listen to me, sweetie, I know as much as you know and maker knows, I wish I could answer your questions, but I cannot," I said softly as I caressed her cheek.

"I...I know. I just thought you would know because you are always reading some text, parchment or book," she explained and I smiled fondly at her.

"Love, if I did know, I would tell you, but look we are going around in circles," I said.

"We live in a Circle," she teased and I laughed at her much to her amusement.

"Stating the obvious, I see," I teased. She swatted my arm and she slipped off me. She allowed her robes to flow freely around her and she grabbed my bag.

"Are you coming?" she asked me while I hurriedly buckled my pants. I could hear the other mages coming into the library and I was going to be damned if they saw either of us like this. I went to her and I slipped my around her waist, just as they filed walked into the library. They went to their various tables and they did not appear to notice us.

"Come Marian, let us take that walk I promised you this morning," I said as I gently steered her to the exit. She gave me a sidelong grin.

"What walk?" she asked me and I laughed.

"I told you before my class that I would take you for a walk around the garden," I replied and I gave her a knowing look.

"I...I remember. Yes, I remember," she said as we passed a group of youngsters, but they were too busy arguing amongst themselves about who was going to sit where. We escaped unnoticed and we started laughing as we strolled up the passage to the door leading out into the garden.

"That went well," I said.

She nudged me in the ribs. "Let us not do that again, Andy."

"I agree. We will certainly not do that again," I said.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

As soon as we were outside, I broke away from him. I was still feeling light-headed after our recent intimacy and I needed to breathe in fresh air. I headed for the bench that was in the middle of the garden. In the last six months, they had made improvements to the garden. New benches were all around the garden and there were so many beautiful flowers and shrubs, but I wanted to sit by the blue flowers I liked so much. I could hear Anders chuckling behind me and I turned around.

"Tell me what is so funny," I called and he grinned at me. He was always amused by my insistence on spending an hour each day sitting in the garden or taking a short stroll. I turned away from him and I ran to our bench.

"You are, Marian. For someone who claims to be a tomboy, you really like flowers and things like that," he teased as he sat on the grass in front of me.

"I am still a woman, Anders and since I have been in the Circle, I don't think I am so much a tomboy anymore," I admitted and he laughed.

"What?" I asked

"I know you a _woman_, Marian. You don't have to tell me, after all who knows you so well?" he teased.

"Shut up," I murmured. My ears were burning and I was feeling more than a bit flustered. He reached for my hands and he gently squeezed them.

"I know you exceptionally well," he teased and he gently massaged my hands. I started sagging because it was so soothing.

"You and your magic touch," I said softly.

"Why don't you come a bit closer?" he suggested. He did not wait for me reply because he gently pulled me off the bench and onto the grass next to him. "Come closer," he said as he moved back to accommodate me. He positioned me between his legs and he started massaging my shoulders. "You are tense. Why?" he enquired.

"I don't know," I replied. He gently kneaded my shoulders while drawing on his magic. I felt myself relax completely and I sagged into him. He was so good with his hands. It was his idea to try massage because he told me he found me far too tense. The first evening he massaged me was painful. He eventually used elfroot salve to ease my tense muscles, but now I felt as if I was floating.

"Are you enjoying my attention?" he whispered against my ear and I startled. I did not realise he was so close to me.

"Yes, I am. Just don't stop yet," I replied.

"I don't intend stopping," he whispered and much to my surprise, he gently kissed me along my neck. I relaxed even more into him and he slipped his arms around me as he continued his exploration. He did not appear concerned that there were other people walking around the garden. Most of them were friends, but there was also the occasional couple, but they were far too discreet unlike Anders and I. We decided it was pointless pretending that there was nothing going on between us when in fact there was so much going that he even expressed how overwhelmed he felt most of the time. I laughed at this memory and I felt his gentle breath tickle my cheek.

"Would you care to share your thoughts with me?" he asked and I laughed.

"Always so formal," I teased and I felt him shrug his shoulders.

"I have to be sometimes, so are you going to share your thoughts with me?" he asked.

"I was just thinking about what you said about feeling overwhelmed the other day," I explained and he laughed into my neck. By now he was tracing circles around my stomach and I was trying my best to stay in control of my emotions.

"Why? Do you feel overwhelmed?" he asked.

"All of the time, Anders. I cannot explain it, but it is there all the time. And you?" I asked.

"It is much the same for me," he replied. "So much so at the moment that I need to lie down," he continued and before I had a chance to think, he was lying on the grass. I looked down into his handsome face and lightly touched my cheek. "I remember the first day we met as if it were yesterday," he said softly. "You were so pale and you had dark circles around your eyes," he continued. "Your blue eyes captivated me immediately and my first thought was _sweet maker, she is beautiful_. You were exhausted, but you looked so beautiful," he said.

"When I first saw you, your eyes, Andy. They were so warm and friendly and the other thing was that you exuded such warmth and I was instantly comforted. It was such a pleasant feeling and when we shook hands, I did not want to let go," I explained.

"You still haven't," he teased as he brought my hand to his lips.

"I find that I can't. What you and I share is beyond my understanding," I trailed away. I was thinking about my inevitable departure and I moved away from him. It broke my heart just thinking about it. I glanced back at him and he was rubbing his eyes. He rarely cried, but when he did, it broke my heart. I could not stand the thought of going home and leaving the person I cared deeply about behind. I looked away from him and I wrapped my arms around myself trying to keep my sadness away, but it did not work. I could hear him sobbing and it made me feel worse.

I sat next to him and I wrapped my arms around him. He wrapped his arms securely around me and he pulled me right into his chest. We did not say anything because we knew what the other was thinking. Another six months and I would be going home. What more was there to say?

"I love you and I always will," I said softly and he cried harder.

"It is going to kill me...I won't be able to stay here without you. I...I won't survive it," he said.

"Then I am going to spend every minute of every day by your side," I said and he actually laughed.

"You do that already, but love -" he said.

"But hush my love," I teased as I kissed him. "I will always love you no matter where our path leads us. There will be no one else because I have given everything I have to the man who is holding me so securely in his arms," I said.

"Love, I promise to you on this day that I will not love another woman as I love you. The locket I gave to you is proof of my commitment to you," he teased.

"Andy, we still have six months to enjoy ourselves," I reminded him.

He laughed into my neck. "My sweet, I know that, but I have given everything to you. I have nothing left to give," he explained.

"Mmm...We still have not gone for our walk," I reminded him.

"Mari, honestly," he teased as he tickled me in my ribs. I burst into joyful laugher and I tried to squirm away from him, but he was holding me too securely. I gazed at him and I allowed myself to relax into his arms. There was no point in fighting my way out because he was too strong.

"One day, it will be me tickling you and you won't be able to escape," I teased and he gave me a smile that was rather mischievous.

"And I look forward to it," he teased as he stood up taking me with him. "I think we have spent enough time outside and I am hungry," he said. I grabbed his bag and I slung it onto my shoulder.

"It is the fresh air," I said and my stomach grumbled loudly much to his amusement.

"So are you, it seems," he teased.


	32. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

_**Marian**_

I watched in amusement as the children crowded around Anders. He was going to show them his skill at lightning magic. A month had passed since I received Ariana's letter. I had written to her, but I did not know if she would receive it. Anders and I spent every minute together and that had extended into our lessons. With Irving's permission, we mentored children together and it was working out very well and they loved him. I taught them about the Elemental School of Magic because creating fireballs and ice was my strong point. Anders taught them about healing magic, but he wanted to show them his skill at lightning magic.

"Are you ready?" I asked as I joined him. I slipped my hand into his eye and gave him a reassuring squeeze. We were very open about our involvement now and it did not go by unnoticed by the rest of the mages, although we never made love again in the library. By mutual consent, we both agreed it was very foolish on our part and we decided to rather behave like adults and keep it in the privacy of our room.

"I think so, but are they ready? They seem awfully excited it about it all," he replied. They were laughing and chatting amongst themselves.

"Children, children, if you please. We need to go outside for this demonstration," I said loudly and one by one, they kept quiet. Anders gave me a grateful smile and we proceeded to lead them outside.

"Alright, if you will all stand by Marian. I don't want to harm anyone," he said as soon we came into the courtyard. The other mages were also waiting for us, including Karl Theckla. I did not like him because he was always looking at Anders with undeniable want in his eyes and it annoyed me.

"Why does he always look at me?" he asked.

"Why don't you ask him, Anders," I replied. I was more than just annoyed, I was furious. We had spoken about it but he done nothing thus far about it and now I had enough. "If you don't, I will," I snapped and I moved myself to the other side of the courtyard. I glanced at him and I saw I had hurt him. He needed my support for this demonstration. _Snap out of it, Marian_, I chided myself. I looked away for a moment and when I looked at him, he was standing in front of me.

"Mari, please?" he asked and I realised everyone was watching us. I straightened my shoulders and I slipped my hand into his.

"I am sorry. It annoys me. He annoys me," I admitted and he smiled at me.

"Help me with my demonstration?" he asked.

"Andy, of course I will help you," I replied.

We went back into the middle of the courtyard much to the children's delight. They crowed around us once more and I was left to move them away from him. Once I knew they were settled, I caught Andy's eye and I gave him thumbs up. "Thank you," he called.

I watched him draw on his magic and he conjured a purplish blue light. He released it and he sparkled in different directions. It was so beautiful, I was mesmerised. He sometimes used electricity in our intimate moments to enhance my pleasure. He released another ball and it branched off above us. Watching him was causing a low ache in the pit of my stomach.

"Marian, cast your famous ice spell," he called and I gave myself a mental shake. "It is Winters Grasp, Anders," I called. "Winters Grasp, it is then," he teased. It was what I called it. I released a ball of ice at him and he counter attacked it with a bolt of lightning. It shattered in the air covering us with small flakes of ice.

"Again," the children called amidst the round of applause we received from the others.

"Shall we?" he asked.

"I don't see why not," I replied. I readied myself at the same time as he did. I released another ball of ice and he once again used his lightning spell to shatter it. I cast another ball of ice before he had a chance to ready himself and it hit him square in the stomach. I watched in horror as he crumpled to the ground and I ran towards him.

"Andy, are you alright?" I asked. He tried to sit up, but he was clearly distressed.

"I...am...alright, you just knocked the wind out of me," he gasped.

"Just lay still for a moment," I advised. I could not believe I actually hurt him. My throat closed and the tears ran unchecked down my cheeks. I gently examined him and he relaxed under my hands. "I am so sorry. After all these months, I still cannot control the amount of magic I use," I explained.

He reached for my hand. "Don't worry about it. No bones are broken, I think, but that was a powerful spell," he reassured me, but it did not make me feel any better.

"Let me through," I heard Wynne say and I glanced at her.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Karl said Anders was injured by a spell you cast," she explained and I lost my temper.

"It was not deliberate, Wynne. He is fine, look," I said. He was still holding my hand and he was looking at me with a smile on his handsome face.

"You are really beautiful when you are upset," he said softly.

"But Anders," I said softly as he squeezed my hand.

"Help me up will you?" he asked and I started laughing. I gently pulled him into the sitting position and he leaned against me for support.

"Are you really alright?" Wynne asked.

"I am fine. I don't know what Karl is trying to prove, Wynne," he explained.

"Regardless, I think I am going to examine you any way. Come with me," she said. I wrapped my arm around his waist and we followed her inside.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I allowed Marian to help my remove my shirt and I stretched myself onto my bed. I was very sore from her little mishap and I was all too happy to allow Wynne to examine me, but I would have preferred it if it was Marian's soft, gentle hands. They knew how to soothe any ache even a good ache. She knew exactly what to do to get the result she wanted.

Wynne examined me with her expert hands and once she was satisfied no bones were broken, she stepped back and appraised me.

"You are fine, but Marian, what happened?" she asked. Marian was sitting on her bed looking extremely upset and I wanted to go to her, but Wynne pressed her hand onto my shoulder. "Do you honestly think you are ready to move just yet?" she asked.

"No," I replied. I was aching all over and that not because of her spell, I was aching in other areas as well.

"Then lie still," she advised.

"I don't know. I cast the spell and when I next looked, he was flat on his back. It was not even that big, Wynne. I would never hurt him intentionally. How can I when I-" she trailed away.

"Wait," I said as I painfully sat up. She was distressed and it was upsetting me. "It was not her fault, Wynne. I was not quick enough to counter her spell. That is what happened," I explained.

"But Karl said it was deliberate," Wynne informed us.

"What? Wynne, you know she would never harm me. What is his problem anyway? Since his arrival here, he has done nothing but watch me every chance he gets," I blurted out.

"I don't know why he does that, Anders. So it was an accident?" she asked.

"Of course it was and why are you coming down so hard on my Marian?" I asked and I did not care if she heard my slip up. "She has been a model mage since day one, Wynne," I continued.

"We...We know. She has come a long way and I admire her as does Irving," she explained.

"And why are you talking about me as if I am not here?" Marian asked.

"Love, please come here," I said softly and I did not care if Wynne heard that either. Marian reluctantly sat next to me. "I am fine," I reassured her as I slipped my arm around her waist. "Please relax," I said and we both looked expectantly at Wynne.

"Anders, I think - but I am not sure - I think Karl is attracted to you. We have noticed how he watches you and Marian, especially you," she explained and my skin broke out in gooseflesh. The thought that a man was attracted to me, made me feel quite ill.

"So you think this is some ploy to try and separate Marian and me?" I asked.

"We know we will never be able to separate you two. You share something that is so profound and it is beautiful to watch. Why do you think Irving and I have been lenient? It goes against all Chantry Law what we are allowing, but it is something we cannot stop and nor can the Chantry. If we tried, I think it would be disastrous," she explained. "And maker knows what is going to happen when you go home, Marian. I think we are going to have our hands full with Anders," she continued.

"Wynne please?" Marian asked desperately. "I can't bear to think about it. I wish I could take him with me, but I know it won't be allowed," she said.

"Well, I think you are alright, Anders. You are excused from your classes for the rest of the day as are you," she told us.

"I can mentor after lunch. Perhaps I can explain to them what happened. They will need to understand, if nothing else," she suggested.

"Well, now that is why I admire you. You have done well for yourself and you have proven to be a very talented mage. I wish most mages turned out like you and Anders," she said.

"Thank you. I have tried and I have read so many books. I have taken your advice and Andy's. I realise that the rest is up to me," she said.

"Well, I think you have learnt the value of your gift, Marian. I am sure your father will be pleased," she said.

"My magic will serve that which is best in me, not that which is most base," Marian said and her face broke into a smile. "I think I finally understand what that means," she said.

"I would say you are ready to return home," Wynne said and Marian turned white.

"Not yet. I would like to see out the remainder of the year and I am not ready to leave yet. I enjoy mentoring the youngsters and I have a lot to give and I am not ready to say goodbye to him," she said as she reached for my hand.

"Perhaps you should write to your father," Wynne suggested as she stood up to leave.

"I will and thank you," she said.

"You cannot leave me just yet, love," I teased. I lay down taking her with me and she settled in my arms. "But maker, I feel bruised," I informed her.

"May I?" I asked. She straddled me and she gently examined me. I felt a warm sensation and I realised she was using her healing magic. Her brow creased in concentration and her eyes darkened. The warm sensation intensified and her hands started glowing. I took a deep breath because whatever she was doing felt so good. I simply had to place my hands on her hips and she smiled at this gesture.

"Please don't stop," I said softly. She moved her hands onto my chest and she gently massaged me. Whatever pain I was feeling, slowly faded under her gentle touch. She closed her eyes for a minute and I took the opportunity to slide my hands under her blouse. Today she was not wearing robes. She said she did not see why she had to anymore and this was great cause of amusement. Her blouse was soft pink and it suited her complexion beautifully, and as for her pants, they were black. She did not open her eyes as I began my gentle exploration of her. I caressed her back and I inched my way to her bra band where I undid it.

"Anders," she said in surprise, but I ignored her. I was too intent feeling her soft skin under my hands. It never seized to amaze me at the silkiness of her skin. I inched my way to her stomach and she took a deep breath, but she did not say anything. I withdrew my hands and I unbuttoned her blouse. I was anticipating what I was going to see so I held my breath. I gently pushed it off her shoulders and I removed her bra. I allowed myself to breath as I gently cupped her small breasts. To my pleasure, her nipples were taut and I gently massaged them with my thumbs. We made love in this way all the time and I was enjoying her weight on my body even though I felt like exploding. She was watching me with an enraptured expression and for a fleeting moment, I wondered whether we would have a child some day. I paused to touch her cheek and I smiled at her. I brushed a tendril of hair off her face and I stared at her.

"What do you see?" she asked after a while.

"You," I replied. "I was actually thinking about whether we would be fortunate enough to have a child some day," I admitted and to my surprise, she grinned at me.

"I would love to," she said softly.

"We are still young, love, but it would please me, maker willing," I said softly.

"Another Anders running around...Imagine that," she teased.

"What about a Marian?" I asked and she lightly swatted my arm.

"As you said, we are still young, but the thought that it is something you want, now that pleases me," she replied.

"It was just a thought, my love," I said as I gently slipped my arms around her and I pulled her onto my chest. She closed her eyes and she sighed contently. It was enough to have her in my arms like this. We did not need to make love to show our deep love for each other. It was moments like these, that we cherished.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Wynne<strong>_

I stood outside Marian and Anders bedroom and I wondered how in the makers name we could have allowed them to become so intimately involved with each other. I knew we were going to have our hands full when she returned home, leaving Anders here. I pressed my ear against the door and I could hear them talking and then I heard lots of laughter. I smiled quietly to myself and I decided to go to Irving's office.

I found Irving sitting at his desk and he appeared deep in thought. I seated myself opposite him and I studied him. I found him attractive and he was always so good to the mages and the Templars. He was especially good at calming the Templars when the mages played pranks on them.

"Ah, Wynne, what can I do for you this afternoon?" he asked.

"What are we going to do about Marian and Anders?" I enquired.

"I see. What happened now?" he replied.

"They were demonstrating their skill in the Elemental School to the children earlier on and Marian cast a spell and Anders was not quick enough to counter it," I replied.

"He is alright, I assume? But I don't think you are here to tell me that," he replied.

"He is fine. He is bruised, but he is fine. I am here because what are we going to do when she goes home in a few months' time?" I asked.

"Mmm...Considering his history, I would not be surprised if he attempts to flee the Circle," he replied.

"That is exactly what I was thinking. Irving, would it be possible for you to give him permission to leave with her?"

"Wynne, I would have to speak to Greagoir first about it. We cannot just give mages permission to leave the Circle. They can only leave for the purpose of research," he replied.

"Irving, he is going to attempt to flee anyway and what are you going to do? Lock him up in Solitary Confinement?"

"We have rules, Wynne and we can't keep on breaking them. We have already broken the Chantry Law by allowing them to continue their relationship. We also allow them to share the same room. Maker knows what else goes behind those closed doors," he replied. "And I don't have much say in the matter. You know I won't do anything without speaking to Greagoir," he continued.

"But surely we will need to think about his happiness?" I asked.

"I cannot allow it, Wynne. I am sorry, but that is the way it is. Why are we discussing this? She will not be leaving for another five months," he pointed out.

"Because we have to discuss it, Irving, but if you feel it is best to keep him here, then you will have to deal with him when she leaves because he will attempt to flee the Circle. Have you seen them together at all? If he moves, she moves, Irving. I have never seen anything quite like it before," I said in exasperation.

"Why do you want me to do this for you? I know you and Anders have a special relationship," he said softly and I looked away from him.

"Because when I was twenty five, I conceived, Irving. I...I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. They only allowed me to see him for a minute before they whisked him away and gave him to the Chantry," I explained.

"And he would have been Anders age this year. Is that why you made sure you were there for him when he arrived here?" he asked.

"Yes, that is why I took him under my wing. To this day, I do not know what became of my son. I do not know where he was taken and I feel it would be best if we allowed Anders to leave the Circle with her," I replied.

"Alright, I will speak to Greagoir, but I can make no promises. We already have enough trouble on our hands with the other mages because we have allowed them to do exactly as they please," he said softly.

"Thank you Irving. I appreciate it and there is something else," I said.

"Well?" he prompted.

"Would it be possible if we arranged a dance for all of us?" I asked.

He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms thoughtfully. "We have had no trouble with blood mages, so I don't see why not, but I will have to speak to Greagoir and the other senior mages and that would include Marian and Anders," he replied.

"I am sure they will agree wholeheartedly, Irving. They dance exceptionally well and I think the youngsters will enjoy it. It will give them a break from their studying and exams."

"Well then get them together sometime and we can discuss it, but we must ask Greagoir as well," he said.

"Are you going to discuss it with them?" I asked.

"Yes, I will," he replied.

I stood up and I went to the door. "Thank you, Irving."


	33. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

**Hawke Family Home, Lothering**

_**Malcolm**_

_Dear Father,_

_I want to tell you that I finally understand your motto: "Magic will serve that which is best in me, not that which is most base." I realised what it means to be blessed with this gift and I will only use it for the greater good..._

I looked up only to find Leandra watching me with her grey eyes. I gave the letter to her and I breathed a sigh of relief. She perused it and she smiled at me in excitement.

"She is ready to come home, isn't she?" she asked.

"No. If you read further she writes that she would like to see out the remainder of the year. I am happy to allow her to stay, love," I replied.

"Well, it is only for another four months, I suppose, but I think her reasons to stay is largely because of Anders and I see they are going to have another dance at the Circle," she said.

"At least they have tried to give all those youngsters a chance at a normal life, Leandra," I pointed out.

"Do you have any idea how devastated she is going to be leaving Anders at the Circle? I feel that we are going to have our hands full," she said.

"I know, but please don't ask me again to request permission for him to come home with us, they have already refused, love," I said.

"I was not going to ask you, love, but I am pleased she has learnt so much and I am ready for her to come home," she said.

"But she is not yet ready. I can't expect her to come home now as much as you would like that. I can't ask her to leave Anders if she is not ready," I explained.

"She will never be ready to leave him," Leandra laughed.

"I know. I am relieved that is all. At least Bethany is turning out be quite sensible for someone who is nearly eleven and Carver, he is so good with a sword. I really think we should get one for him," I suggested.

She frowned at me. "Love, we have discussed this numerous times. He is too young, Malcolm. When he turns sixteen, we can give one to him."

"He keeps on asking me, love. How much longer do you think I can refuse?"

"You will have to. I cannot have my little boy running around with a sword. What if he harms someone? You have not even given Bethany a staff and you haven't given one to Marian either," she pointed out.

"Fine, you have made your point. When he is old enough we will get him a sword," I said in defeat. I was not going to argue with her.

"Where are the twins?" I asked.

"They are playing in their room," she replied.

"Is it not time for them to go bed? It is getting late, Leandra."

"Then help me settle them. I am sure they would be delighted," she suggested.

"Mmm...I think I rather like that idea," I said as I stood up. I held out my hand to her and she obliged.

"Once they are settled, then perhaps we can have some time to ourselves," I suggested.

"I think I like that idea more," she teased.

"How so?" I asked and she smiled at me.

"I...Malcolm, please don't tease me," she said softly and I slipped my arms around her waist.

We rarely made love these days and that was mainly due to bringing up two small children with their incessant demands. It was different when Marian was at home. She always kept them occupied if we wanted time together. She would either read to them or play with them.

"Do you think things will return to normal when she returns home?" I asked.

"No. How can they? She is going to pine for Anders. How can she not? They have spent every minute together since she joined the Circle. They share the same room and they share classes," she replied.

"And they have been intimate since they met," I put in and she frowned.

"That did not please me, Malcolm. Maker knows, but I worry about her constantly. All we need is an unexpected pregnancy," she said.

"Mmm...I think they are being very cautious, otherwise she would have conceived by now and it is my understanding that they don't make love too often. I assume as much from her letters, but then again, it is not our business," I said.

"That is where you are wrong. It is our business until she turns eighteen or better yet, twenty-one," she said and I laughed at her.

"You seem to forget that is reasonably sensible... Well, I always thought she was more sensible then others her age," I said.

"That is because we brought her up like that. She was only seven when I gave birth to the twins and I think that has a lot to do with it, but on the other hand, she has always been sensible even as a child," she reminded me.

I laughed. "I still don't understand why she rebelled the way she did. What was she trying to prove anyway?"

"Teenage trouble, love," she replied.

"Mmm...Well, I think we must settle the twins," I suggested.

"And I was getting comfortable with your arms around me," she teased.

"Well, there is more to come, I promise," I teased. She smiled at me as she slipped out of my arms. She caught hold of my hand and she led me into the twin's bedroom.

"Daddy," Bethany called excitedly as soon as I stepped in behind her mother. Carver was scowling about something and I sighed. He was proving to be a difficult child. I did not know whether he was envious of his sister or if he was just being difficult because he certainly did not inherit his traits from Leandra or me.

"What is it my son?" I asked as I sat on the bed. Bethany was all over me and Carver glared at her. He definitely was not pleased with the attention I was giving to her. "Carver, come here," I said softly and he flew into my arms. I had both children vying for my attention and I looked towards Leandra for some assistance. She gently relieved me of Bethany and she sat on her bed.

Carver smiled at me and he smirked at Bethany. He was triumphant because he was getting what he wanted. Leandra was trying to get her attention, but her eyes were fixated on me. Bethany and I had become close since I started teaching her about magic and now that I was giving attention to her brother, she was annoyed. I decided to take no notice of her. I wanted to give him some attention.

"Daddy, when I am getting a sword?" he asked.

I laughed. "My son, when you are big enough to hold a sword with both hands, then you will get one," I replied and he frowned.

"Why not now? Why can't I have something Bethany does not have? She has her magic and I have nothing," he said.

"Young man, you do have something. You are very good with swords and when you are ready, we will give one to you, but for now, I would like you to continue practising everyday... Maybe I can practice with you tomorrow," I suggested. His whole face lit up at that idea.

"You mean it, Daddy? You and me?" he asked.

"Son, of course I mean it and I think your sister would like to spend time with her mother," I replied.

Leandra was busy brushing her air and they were talking about maker knows what, but she was happy.

"Mommy, when is Mari coming home?" she asked.

"She will be coming home soon," she replied.

"When Mommy when?" she asked.

"Be patient. She will be home soon enough and I think it is time you went to bed young lady," she replied.

"I am not sleepy," she said and she yawned.

"What was that you just said?" I asked.

"I am not sleepy," she replied and she yawned again.

"I think you are and young man, I think you are as well," I said to Carver. He was leaning against me and he was nearly asleep. I lifted him and I pulled back covers. I gently lowered him onto the bed and I covered him with a sheet. I kissed him on the forehead. "Sleep well, my son and may you dream of many swords," I whispered.

"Goodnight, Daddy," he murmured.

Leandra was settling Bethany and I joined them. "Goodnight, Bethany," I said softly as I kissed her forehead, but she was fast asleep. Leandra kissed her cheek and she pulled the sheet over her. She went to Carver and kissed him goodnight. I leaned against the door waiting for her. She caught my eye and she ambled towards me, smiling about something.

"Do share," I teased and she laughed at me.

"Not tonight. Tonight is my night," she teased and she went into our room, laughing.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

As soon as he joined me, he wrapped his arms around me and he gently kissed me. I found myself slipping my arms around his neck and I pressed myself into his frame.

"Love, it has been so long," he whispered against my mouth. I was suddenly aching for his touch and it was spreading throughout my body.

"The joys of parenthood - no time for us," I murmured.

"We make time now," he said as he deepened our kiss. I felt his hands along the curve of my back and they came to rest on my buttocks. I slipped my hands under his shirt and I pulled him closer, but it was not enough. I wanted to feel his body against mine, so I lifted his shirt slightly and I grazed my fingers across his abdomen. He was not so firm anymore. He used to be, but then we were not so young anymore. He unzipped my dress and I allowed it to float to my feet. He stepped back and he smiled.

"You are beautiful," he teased and I felt my cheeks grow warm. After all these years, he still affected me in the same way, but it was not as intense as it used to be.

"Go away," I teased.

"No, I don't intend doing that," he teased as he slipped his arms around me again. "Come to bed, love," he whispered just as he kissed me.


	34. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

**Circle of Magi**

_**Anders**_

She laughed softly as I twirled her around again and I gently pulled her back into my arms. It was the night of our second dance at the Circle. All the senior mages had agreed that it would be a good idea to have another dance considering how much fun the last one was even though it was overshadowed by the rumours of blood magic. They never did find Jowan and they never told us what happened to Lily.

I gazed into Marian's face and she was watching me. She would be here for another two months.

"Maker, I am going to miss you," I said softly and she looked away from me.

"Don't talk like that, Anders. You know how it upsets me," she said softly.

I touched her cheek and I kissed her forehead. "I am sorry, my love, but I just wanted you to know that," I said.

"It is not as if we are saying goodbye. We will see each other again," she said. She was right; we were working on ways for me to escape. She suggested that I jump in the Lake and swim for it, but I told her it was far too dangerous.

She was watching me again, but this time her eyes were sad.

"Love, please don't," I whispered. I tightened my arms around her and she let out a sob. "Mari love, don't do this," I whispered. I pulled back and the tears were streaming down her cheeks. "Mari," I murmured and I pressed my lips against hers. I did not care that there were many people dancing around us, watching us. "Hush my love," I murmured. I held her closer and I twirled her around again, but she was not in the mood, although she did smile at me.

"I am sorry. I...just can't," she explained.

"Love, please?" I implored as I gently lifted her onto my feet. I wrapped my arms securely around her and I slowly swayed with her. She gradually quietened down and she started playing with the hair at the nape of my neck. I had decided to grow it and she was pleased with the idea. I embraced her tightly and we swayed around the Great Hall.

"Love," she whispered and I pulled back a bit to look at her. Her eyes were red and the tears will still running down her cheeks. "I love you, always," she continued and I placed my hands on her cheeks and I gently wiped away her tears.

"Mari love, I love you, always until the day we die and beyond," I murmured. "The locket I gave to you is proof of that and maker willing, I will find you, that I can promise," I reassured her.

"Until the day we die and beyond?" she asked and I nodded.

"I do, Andy, I do," she said and before I could think of something to say to her, she pressed her lips firmly against mine. The kiss intensified and unintentionally, I cupped her buttocks. "Andy love," she murmured as she pulled away from me.

"Mmm...I am sorry, I can't help it," I explained. Her eyes were dancing in amusement and she started laughing.

"If you want to, just ask, my love," she teased and I caught hold of her hands.

"One more dance, please?" I asked.

"That is not what I meant, but yes, I think I would like to have another dance with you," she replied. She closed the distance between us and she slipped her arms around my neck and I slipped my arms around her waist.

"One more dance for you," I whispered into her neck and she laughed some more.

"That tickles, you know," she said and I did it again. I could feel her trembling and I stopped. If anything, she clearly wanted more, but I was not going to indulge her just yet.

"Can't we go somewhere private?" she asked.

"No my love. My dance is not yet finished," I replied and we twirled around the dance floor again. I noticed we were the only ones dancing, but I was not deterred. We danced past Wynne and Irving and they were smiling about something. I paused long enough to study them briefly and a look passed between them

"I think there is something between them," I said quietly.

"Irving and Wynne? Are you sure?" she asked.

"Well, look," I suggested as I twirled her around again and we swayed past them. Wynne caught my eye and she smiled at me as she took Irving's hand. They went into the middle of the dance floor. I released Marian and I watched as he placed his hand on her waist. She took his free hand and he waltzed with her. Marian slipped her arm around my waist and she nestled herself into me.

"Would you like to go?" I asked.

"No, but if you want to go, we can," she replied.

"Mmm...," I murmured as I turned her around to face me and I slipped my arms around her. "Why don't we go and have our own private dance?" I suggested.

"Andy, not so loud," she replied just as Wynne and Irving swept past us. They appeared to be enjoying themselves with the amount of laughing that was going on.

"There is definitely something," I whispered.

"Are we going?" she asked. I gazed into her eyes and they were shining with something. She stood on her tiptoes and she kissed me.

"Let's go," I whispered after we drew apart.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

"Thank the Maker," I murmured as I sat on his bed. My feet were sore and I was feeling a bit tired, but after we paused on our way to share a few kisses, I realised I was in for something this evening. I leaned on the bed and I waited for him to close the door. He was leaning against the frame, watching me.

"Love?" I asked. I was feeling breathless for no apparent reason. When he watched me as he was doing now, my nerves would always tingle wildly and my heart would thump loudly. I still did not understand the affect he had on me, but maker help me I enjoyed it. He closed the door and he ambled towards me. I expected him to kiss me, but instead, he got onto his knees and he slowly took off my shoes. When my feet were free of them, he lifted my foot and he started massaging it. I could also feel his healing magic flow and my foot stopped aching. He moved to my other foot and he did the same thing, but he did not stop there. He lifted my foot and he gently kissed the ankle. I could feel myself trembling. He kissed each toe in turn and after that, he started working his way up my calf, pushing my robes upwards exposing my legs. He started massaging my calf and once again, I felt the familiar sensation of his healing magic. When he used his magic on me in moments like these, the sensation I felt was as if someone was tickling me with a feather. I caught his eye and he smiled at me. He went back to my calf and he traced a path of kisses upwards until he reached my inner thigh where he kissed me. My trembling worsened and I lay down. He sought out my hand and when he found it, he squeezed it. I felt him remove my underwear and I knew what was going to happen next. I braced myself and with shocking pleasure, I felt him slide his fingers into me. "Andy," I moaned and to enhance the sensation I was feeling, he released a small bolt of electricity and I clenched around his fingers. "Anders, please," I moaned. He always did that to me and it drove me wild. He did it a second time and I arched myself towards him. He was moving his fingers inside me and I clenched around him again. "Andy," I moaned as I felt my release and he slowly withdrew his fingers.

He gave me a satisfied smile as he helped me into the sitting position. He slipped off my robes and he tossed them unceremoniously onto the floor. He removed his shirt next. His pants followed and I smiled when I noticed how aroused he was. I reached for his hardened member and I ran my finger up the length of it.

"Marian," he moaned as he gripped my shoulders tightly. I continued stroking him, but it was not enough for me, I wanted to feel his member in my hands and I wanted to feel him deep inside of me. I pushed his shorts off and he stepped out of them. He was very aroused and by the way he was gripping my shoulders, he was trying his best not to lose control. I looked up at him and he was smiling at me. I took his member into my hand and I continued stroking him. He was trembling and before he realised it, I took his length into my mouth. "Love," he moaned and I smiled quietly to myself. He started rocking into me as I suckled him hard and long. "Sweet maker, love, please?" he implored. I winked at him and I continued my teasing, but it was not what he wanted because he quickly withdrew. He pushed me back onto the pillows and he lowered himself onto me. I moaned when I felt his member against my heat. He deliberately moved and I gripped his shoulders.

"Andy," I moaned just as he pressed his lips firmly against mine and our tongues began a joyful dance of their own. His hands were teasing my breasts and feeling his thumb massaging my nipple gave me immense pleasure. He pulled away and he gave me another satisfied smile. He moved a second time and I took a deep breath. "Please my love?" I barely whispered when he pressed his lips against mine again. He moved away from my mouth and he traced feather light kisses along my jawline. I let out a surprised gasp when he found the hollow of my neck. He was gently nibbling me and suckling me at the same time. I knew I would be bruised, but I did not care. I was where I wanted to be because maker knows, when we would have this opportunity again especially with my imminent departure in two months and I burst into unexpected tears. He immediately stopped what he was doing and he sat up, wrapping his arms securely around me.

"I am so sorry, Anders. I...I was not expecting to feel quite like this," I explained.

"I...I know," he said softly. "But let us forget just for tonight, Mari," he continued.

"I love you, Andy," I murmured and I sought out his mouth. I needed to feel him. I needed to capture this in my mind because I would never love another, as I love him. Our kiss deepened into something else entirely and he gently lifted me guiding me onto his length. I fell back against the pillows and he lowered himself onto me without ever losing our connection. He cupped my face and he kissed me as he kept a slow, steady rhythm. I wrapped my legs around his waist affectively keeping him in place as he rocked into me.

"I will always love you, my sweet Marian, but when you return home, it won't be forever because I will find you, no matter the cost. I will seek you out and I will find you. That is my promise to you on this night," he whispered against my mouth and I started crying again, but it was not because I would be leaving him behind, it was because of the extent of my deep love for him.


	35. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

_**Anders**_

As the days went by and Marian's time to leave crept closer, she became quieter and quieter. It was beginning to worry me because she spent a lot of time on her own that is when we were not together. I was looking for her because I wanted to spend some time with her and I knew I would find her on the balcony overlooking Lake Calenhad. Her father was due to arrive tomorrow. Even though she was only due to leave at the end of the week, he wanted to spend some time with Irving and Greagoir. I assumed it was because they wanted to chat about their younger days.

I found her sitting on the ground with her arms wrapped tightly around her legs and she was crying. I seated myself next to her and she snuggled up to me.

"Mmm...So this is what you do when you are on your own?" I asked softly. She rested her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her. "It is alright, you don't have to say anything."

"Andy, I can't do this. I cannot leave you here. It is killing me," she sobbed.

"I...I have no choice but to stay here, love. If I want to leave, I would have to request permission from the First Enchanter and the Knight-Commander and considering my history with the Circle with five escape attempts behind my name, I doubt they will let me go," I explained.

"But you have done nothing wrong. How can they keep you here? You will be twenty-one in a few months. I...I-" she trailed away. She looked everywhere but at me.

"And you will be nineteen in a few months, my love," I reminded her, but that did not bring a smile to her beautiful face. If anything, she became sadder and I simply had to embrace her. "I promise to write to you every month."

"You promise, Andy?" she asked and I could see she wanted to smile.

"Why would I not and besides I must keep you informed about my plans to escape," I teased.

"Anders, if they get a hint-" she started saying when I pressed my finger against her lip.

"They won't know," I reassured her as I gently removed my finger and she smiled at me, but it did not reach her eyes. "Mmm...Would you care to dance with me?" I asked as I got to my feet pulling her with me. She stumbled slightly and I caught her in my arms. It was too much, I cupped her face and I kissed her. I was so absorbed by kissing her, that I startled when I felt her hand pressing against my heat and I groaned. "Mari, not here," I managed to say when I felt her lips against mine. She was desperate, hungry and I gently pushed her away. "Love, not here," I said softly and she turned away from me. She looked out over the lake and I warily slipped my arms around her. I half expected her to shrug away from me, but she leaned against me.

"I am sorry Anders. I...I-" she said.

"Hush my love," I said softly as I nuzzled her neck and she laughed. This only encouraged me to do it again. I also tickled her in the ribs and she tried to squirm away from me, but I was holding her too securely. "You are not going anywhere," I teased. She sighed and she relaxed against me.

"That's better, don't you think?" I asked.

"It would be better if I was actually facing you," she replied.

"That can be arranged," I said as I gently turned her around. "Now I can see you," I teased.

"Anders, I am going to miss you," she said as she slipped her arms around me.

"Not as much as I am going to miss you. You have your family and what do I have?" I asked.

"You are my family, love. We just have to make it official somehow," she reminded me.

"You still want to marry me?" I asked.

"Yes, I do. Why would you think otherwise?" she asked. "Unless you have changed your mind," she continued.

"Oh my love, of course I want to marry you. That has not changed, but you know it is impossible at this stage. We can only marry once I am free of the Circle and that might take a few years," I replied and she grinned at me.

"Not if you escape," she reminded me and I started laughing.

"Do you really think jumping into the lake and swimming for it is the answer?" I asked.

"Think about it, Andy. The Templar's uniforms are heavy. Do you honestly think they will jump in after you?" she asked.

"Mmm...I still think it is not a good idea. We do not know what is in the lake. It might be too dangerous, but I will keep it in mind."

She turned around and we both looked out over the lake once again. The sun was slowly setting and the sky was a beautiful shade of yellows and reds. I looked down into the lake and I saw a boat and a couple of people on it. She noticed it as well because she started jumping up and down excitedly.

"He is a day early, Andy," she said and I strained my eyes. I could barely see who it was in the growing darkness.

"Is it your Father?" I asked. I released her and I moved away from her. If he were here early, that would mean they would leave earlier than anticipated. My throat closed up and with effort, I managed to keep my tears from spilling over. She came towards me holding out her hands. I willingly took them and I pulled her into the circle of my arms. "I can't let you go, Marian. It is killing me as much at it is killing you. The days and night are going to be long and lonely indeed."

"We still have some time. I...I won't be leaving earlier than expected, but why is he here tonight? He is only supposed to be arriving tomorrow," she said.

"I think we should go and greet him," I suggested.

"I...I don't want to. It has been two years since I last saw him," she said.

"Love, he is your father. I am quite sure he will be pleased to see you. Now let us go and greet him," I said as I slipped my hand into hers, but she slipped her arm around my waist.

"I've got you, Mari. I have always had you," I said as I brushed my lips against her cheek. She turned slightly and I kissed her full on the mouth. I wrapped my arms around her and I pulled her right against me. "Mmm...It would be better if we had no clothes on," I teased. She moulded herself to me and I marvelled once again at how well we fit together.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Malcolm<strong>_

I greeted Irving with a firm handshake and Greagoir nodded his greeting. "So where is she?" I asked. I had seen her on the balcony with someone and I half expected her to be by Irving's side ready to greet me, but she was not in sight.

"I can only imagine that she is on the balcony with Anders. Malcolm, she has been spending a lot time on her own over the last two months. I honestly don't think she wants to leave him behind," Irving explained.

"But you have already refused to release him into my care, Irving. You can hardly expect me to ask you again and besides you do not have the final say here. That lies with Greagoir, does it not?" I asked.

"I have tried even at the request of Wynne, but I am afraid Greagoir has refused," he explained.

"Irving, I have my reasons. You know we can't allow him to go, not with his history and rumour has it that he is planning another attempt, but maker knows when that will happen," Greagoir informed him.

"What? I told you he would, Greagoir and what do you intend doing if he does? I will not have you brand him as Tranquil either. He is an excellent healer and by rights he should be out there helping others, not here teaching," Irving said.

I intervened because both men were glaring at each other. "Hold on, leave the poor boy alone. He is going to struggle as it is when I take her home. Leniency should be called for in this incident, don't you think?" I asked.

"How much more lenient can we be, Malcolm? They share the same room, they teach the same classes. She is by his side night and day and we have allowed it. We have allowed their relationship to flourish and, maker help me, you should see them. They share something profound," Greagoir said.

I laughed. "I know they do. I gathered as much from her letters and from the occasional letter Anders sent us. I do believe he loves her deeply and it would be in their best interests if you allowed him to leave, but seen that you have already made the decision to leave him here, than I have nothing more to say on the matter," I said and they gave me a surprised look. I rarely raised my voice, but I knew my daughter and I knew that her mother and I were going to have our hands full.

"Please may you take me to her?" I enquired. Greagoir turned on his heel and he stormed up the passage no doubt heading back to the Templar Quarters.

"This way, Malcolm," Irving said. "Why are you here a day early? Was it a last ditch attempt to get me to change my mind?" he asked.

"Yes, and I want to see Marian. Can Greagoir not be persuaded otherwise?" I enquired.

"Malcolm, I honestly think it would be best if I did release Anders into your care, but as it is, I cannot. He is a good man and he has been so good to Marian. I am quite sure if they were anywhere else but at the Circle, they would probably marry," he replied.

I laughed. "We know about that as well, but we feel they aren't being realistic about it. The Chantry will never allow a union between two mages and they would never consent to marrying them either," I pointed out.

"Such is the law. Sometimes I wonder if they do not hold too much power... I honestly feel that most mages in here and out there are good people and this fear people have of them turning into abominations, is a bit unrealistic. The only problem is those mages who use blood magic. That is where the problem comes in, but to brand all the mages as blood mages, now that I find hard to swallow," he explained.

"Maker, Irving, I did not expect that from you, but it does ring true, but what can we do about it? Nothing, Irving. We can do absolutely nothing, not while the Chantry holds so much power over everything."

We came to a door and I heard a lot of laughter coming from behind it.

"So what can I expect?" I asked.

"Mmm...Open the door and go out, Malcolm. I will be in the Senior Dining Room. Find me there," he replied.

"Thank you. I will see you soon."

I opened the door only to find my daughter and Anders sharing a kiss. I quietly went onto the balcony and they did not appear to notice me. He was holding her very close and he was kissing her. As I watched, she slipped her arms around his neck and she appeared to mould herself to his frame. I could not believe how well they fit together. It was as if they were cut from the same stone and she complemented him in every way.

"Mmm...I love you, Marian and I would do anything for you. I would go to the Void, if I had to," he said quietly and she laughed.

"Andy, I love you with my heart and soul," she said and he kissed her on the forehead. He noticed I was standing there and he smiled at me.

"Love, someone is here to see you," he said softly as he disentangled her arms from around his neck, but she was not ready to let him go.

"Please...don't," she said and my heart broke at the sadness I heard in her voice.

"Mari, I will be right here holding your hand as I always do," he said softly.

"But Andy-" she said when he kissed her.

"Turn around," he said after he broke away from her. She turned around and she looked at me. She seemed pleased and happy but at the same time, there was a deep sadness in her blue eyes. Anders gave her a push and that was all the encouragement she needed and she flew into my arms.

"Father," she said as I swung her around.

"Marian, look at you? All grown up," I said as I stepped back to study her. She was a bit taller than I remembered, but she was still petite and she had filled out somewhat. "Come here," I said as I embraced her again. "How are you?"

She stepped away from me and Anders stepped forward holding out his hand. "It is good to see you again, Malcolm," he greeted me with a firm handshake.

"It is good to see you to. I can see you have taken great care of my daughter?" I said and he smiled at me.

"I think I have taken more than great care of your daughter - my Marian," he said.

"I can see that," I teased. She was holding his hand again and he slipped his arm around her waist. She nestled into him and I was again struck by how well they fit together, and that was when I realised Irving was making a mistake by refusing to allow him into my care. I caught her eye and she smiled at me, but it did not quite reach her eyes. Her eyes were very sad. Her whole expression was sad and my heart went out to her.

"How do you think I am, Father? In a few days, I am leaving the man I love, behind. How in the maker's name do you think I feel?" she asked and she started crying. I went to her, but she slipped her arms around his neck and he pulled her closer as he stroked her hair.

"Hush, my love," he said in an effort to soothe her, but he was just as upset as she was and I realised I should tell her that I had tried to have him released.

"Mari, I have something to tell you," I said softly, but whether she heard me, I did not know.

"Tell me, Ser," Anders said politely.

"I have tried to have you released into my care, but they have refused," I explained. This caught her attention because she turned around and she came towards me. She still had not let go of his hand.

"You...You have tried? But why have they refused?" she asked and the momentary hope I saw was welcoming, but it quickly faded away.

"Greagoir has the final say, Marian. For any mage to be released, it must be by the First Enchanter and Knight-Commander's consent," I explained. "And I believe Wynne has tried, but without success," I continued. This did nothing to ease her sadness, because she turned away from me and Anders embraced her.

"I am sorry, Marian, but I have tried. I have written to them. I have also just asked them again and the answer is no. I am sorry, but there is nothing more I can do," I said.

"Please listen to me, Mari. At least he has tried. No one has done anything like that for me and I will be always be grateful, but remember what I told you earlier?" he asked her and she nodded.

"Just remember that," he said. "And my love, my Marian, we still have a few days," he said and he looked questionably at me.

"I only intend leaving in about four days," I reassured them and he smiled gratefully at me. She appeared to calm down with this revelation.

"Marian, will I see you later? I need to have something to eat," I said.

"We are also going to supper, Father," she said as she slipped her hand into his. "Would you like to join us?" she asked.

"Yes, I would. I want to spend a bit of time with you if Anders will allow it," I teased.

He laughed. "That is if you can drag my Marian away from me," he teased.

"I don't think that will be necessary, Anders," I teased as we went back inside. I followed them up the passage and into the Dining Room. I looked around and I saw Irving sitting with Wynne.

"Are we to sit with them?" Marian asked.

"I think so," I replied and I led the way.

"Wynne, how are you?" I asked her as I kissed her cheek.

"Malcolm, I am well. How are you? Do you know that Marian is fine mage? She is quite popular amongst the younger mages," she informed me and Marian laughed.

"Anders is more popular than I am," she said.

"Maybe so, but they admire you, Marian. They respect you and they respect Anders. To be honest and I think Irving will agree with me - you and Anders are the best talent we have seen in years. You have all the best traits a mage can offer. I will be sorry to see you go, Marian," she said and both of them positively beamed.

"Thank you, Wynne. We appreciate it. I appreciate it. I have learnt so much and I hope to share this knowledge with my sister," she said. "How is Bethany?" she asked.

"She is turning out be quite as talented as you and she is stubborn. Some days she just will not listen to me. She would rather spend time with her mother," I replied.

"And Mother and Carver?" she asked.

"Your Mother is as beautiful as ever and Carver - he is quite gifted with swords. I try to split my time between the twins so I am kept quite busy but your Mother and I...We have become extremely close and we spend quite a bit of time together," I explained. "Well, when I am not busy mentoring Bethany or when your Mother is not busy around the house or doing odd jobs for the villagers," I continued.

"But Bethany - she has missed you the most. She has asked just about every day when you will be returning home," I said quietly and I looked away from her. At the mention of returning home, her eyes became sad, almost desperate.

"Love, it is alright," Anders said to her. I looked back at them and he was holding her closely again. I caught Wynne and Irving's eye and they both appeared concerned.

"I would like to go to bed, Anders," she said quietly and my heart sank. I had hardly spent time with her, but I was not surprised. She needed time for herself and she needed time with Anders.

"Marian, you can go if you would like to. I will speak to you tomorrow," I said and she stood up, smiling.

"Thank you and I will definitely see you in the morning. Goodnight everyone," she said as she pulled Anders to his feet.

"Goodnight Ser, Irving and Wynne," he said and I watched them as they walked away from us. He once again slipped his arm around her waist.

I sighed and I drank some tea. "I think I am going to have my hands full," I said as I studied their faces.

"You think this is bad? Wait until you are at home. She has spent the better part of the last two months, by herself. She wanders around the garden and sometimes the library, but he is always nearby watching her and waiting for her if she needs him. Malcolm, this is going to break her spirit," Wynne said and I leaned back in my chair, sighing.

"What do you suggest I do?" I enquired.

"I...I don't know, but she is definitely going to need your love and support," she replied.

"I know and her mother and I have discussed it, but we have agreed to give her the time she is going to need. For now, I am quite happy for them to spend as much time together as they possibly can," I said.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I think that is their intention," she said.

"I agree with Wynne, Malcolm and I once again apologise for not being able to help out, but if you find her adjustment is taking its toll on her, then please write to me and I will see what I can do," he suggested.

"Thank you Irving," I said.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

As soon as we stepped into our room, I stretched myself onto Anders bed. He was busy looking for something in his wardrobe. I gazed up at the ceiling trying to calm down because I was on the verge of tears. I rubbed my eyes furiously and to my chagrin, I started sobbing. He came back to the bed and he sat next to me.

"My love, I would like you to have this," he said and I sat up. He was holding his mother's pillow.

"But Andy how can I take the only thing of your mother's?" I asked.

"Because I can and love, I insist. I would like you to have it, please?" he implored and I took it from him.

"Anders, you have no idea how much this means to me. I will always cherish it, but are you sure?" I asked.

"My love, I am sure. Please take it. I want you to have it," he replied.

"Anders," I said and I wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you, my love. I only wish I could give something to you in return."

"Mmm...You already have and that is all I want. You are what I want, my love and yes, I am going ahead with my plan, but if you please, I would like to hold you and love you as I always do," he said.

"Love, I am yours for the taking," I teased.

"Always," he teased.


	36. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

_**Marian**_

It was the night before I was due to return home and I was sitting on my bed packing the few belongings I had into my bag. Anders was on his bed and he kept on shooting glances at me. Every time he did that, I tingled. I glanced at him and he quickly looked away, but I saw the deep sadness in his light brown eyes. I carried on packing, but I stopped when I saw his shadow on my bed. I raised my eyes and I could not hold back the tears any longer. He was onto me before I could take a deep breath to calm down. He tossed my bag onto the floor and he covered me with his body.

"Please, no more tears. I can't bear it," he said softly.

"I...I can't help it, Anders. It feels as if my heart is breaking. I can see your sadness. Let it go," I said softly. He looked away from me, but I gently turned his face so that I could look at him. I wanted to memorise his handsome face in my mind, but the tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"Oh my love," I murmured as I tried to wipe them away, but he caught my hands and he pressed them against his chest. I felt the steady thump-thump of his heart beneath my hands and I found it comforting. "Love, please," I whispered as I gently lowered his head onto my chest and he slipped his arms under me. "Andy, I love you always," I whispered. He looked at me and before I could think, he kissed me.

"Love, share one more dance with me?" he asked when we pulled apart to breathe. I drew him towards me and I kissed him in reply. "It is not our last dance," he murmured as he moved away from my mouth to the hollow of my neck and I moaned as he nibbled me.

"Andy, please," I gasped as I pressed my hands against his chest. I wanted to please him, but he was too intent on giving me an _Anders mark_. I laughed when I recalled his suggestion about giving it a name. He said he would mark me as a reminder that I belong to him. I laughed it off, but he was being serious.

He stopped what he was doing and he smiled at me. His eyes were dancing in with amusement. "You can't laugh without telling me what it is you find funny," he teased.

I laughed. "Love, I was thinking about your _Anders mark_," I replied and he shook his head.

"Well, what else can we call it and love, you belong to me. You will always belong to me," he informed me and I cupped his face in my hands.

"And I don't need you to mark me as such because I know I belong to you," I teased.

"Love, don't spoil my fun. This is our...last night," he trailed away and I became serious.

"I know, but this is not goodbye, my love. We will meet again. Of that I am sure," I reassured him and he laughed.

"Definitely. Once my plan is in action, there will be no stopping me," he said.

"But you must write to me. You have to promise me," I said softly and he smiled.

"My lovely Marian, I promise to write to you every month. I swear this on my mother's pillow and on my mother's pillow, I swear to remain loyal to you," he teased.

"Mmm...I believe you, Andy. You don't have to go that far, but on your mother's pillow - which now belongs to me - I will always remain true and loyal to you because I love you and there will be no-one else," I teased.

"Love," he said softly as he cupped my face and he leaned closer. "I think we have talked enough. Let me indulge you. Let me take you on a dance you will never forget," he continued and he smiled at me.

"A dance I will never forget? Why don't we make it something we both won't forget?" I suggested.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "How so my love?" he asked.

"Come closer and I will show you," I replied. I cupped his neck and I pulled him towards me. As soon as our lips touched, he slipped his tongue into my mouth and a wild dance began. I found myself eagerly removing his shirt. I wanted to feel him against me. He caught onto my plan and he hurriedly unbuttoned my blouse. He gazed down at me with a hungry look and before I could think, he came back to me. His hands were everywhere at once and I ran my hands down the length of his back to his firm buttocks where I squeezed him. I could feel by the sudden tension in his body that he was enjoying himself and by the hardened member pressing against me, I knew he was ready. I hooked my fingers into his pants and I slowly inched them off his hips. He raised himself slightly to enable me to push them further down his strong legs. I sighed as I ran my hands down his thighs. He was so strong and sturdy and it gave me great pleasure to feel those strong legs beneath my hands.

He moaned softly. "Marian, please," he whispered but I took no notice of him. I was too busy exploring his strong body. I moved back to his underwear and I slowly removed them. I could not stifle the gasp that burst forth when I felt the maleness of him against my skin. He reached for my hands and he shook his head. "My turn," he teased and he rolled with me until I was straddling him and I laughed.

"Your turn you say? How can it be when I am leading you?" I asked.

"Well, there is the matter of me feeling your skin under my hands," he replied as he slipped them under my blouse. His touch caused my emotions to spin wildly and he deliberately moved his hands to my breasts where he cupped them. He massaged them with his thumbs with undeniable pleasure in his eyes. "And I think we must take this off," he suggested as pushed my blouse off my shoulders and it joined his clothing on the floor. "Mmm...And this as well," he said as he removed my bra band. He gently massaged my breasts and by this point, I was slowing moving on him and occasionally, he moaned. "Mmm...We aren't going to get anywhere with you still wearing your pants," he teased.

I laughed. "I know," I teased and I clambered off the bed and I quickly removed the rest of my clothing. As I turned to go back to him, he slipped his arms around me.

"I love you, Marian and I always will," he whispered.

"And I love you, Andy," I whispered and with that he gently guided me back to his bed.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I awoke at 5am to the sounds of Marian crying. She was not lying next to me as I expected and I glanced around our room. She was sitting on her bed with her legs drawn to her chin. She was only half-dressed and her bag was lying next to her. I felt my throat close at the mere thought that she would be on her way home in a few short hours.

"Marian love," I called and she looked at me. There were dark circles around her eyes and I realised she had hardly slept. I quickly went to her and she wrapped her arms around me.

"I...I can't do this, Anders. It is so unfair. The Chantry and their stupid laws. Who gives them the right to prevent to people who love each from being together? Who decides that?" she asked.

"I...I don't know. It is not right, that I will not deny, but they hold so much power. Well, they think they do, but one day it is going to change," I replied.

"But who gives them the right to decide? They have no right, Anders," she said quietly.

"I know they don't. This is so difficult. I am going to be alone," I said.

"Well, you can still mentor the children and you can continue your plans to escape this place and hopefully everything else falls into place, but my heart is heavy, Andy," she said.

I gave her a small smile when she pulled back away slightly. Her normally light blue eyes that always filled me with joy were full of sadness. "Love, if we don't meet again, just know I will always love you."

She glared at me and she pushed me away. I fell backwards onto her bed and she was up so quickly that when I next looked she was standing by the desk furiously rubbing her eyes.

"How can you say that to me?" she asked.

"Love, please don't be upset with me. I was only saying because nothing in this world is going to keep me from you," I reassured her. I sat up and I leaned against the wall, eyeing her. I found her extremely attractive when she was angry and I tried my best to prevent myself from smiling.

"Anders, you are such a tease," she said.

"Why don't you come here?" I asked and she rewarded me with a smile. She ambled towards me and as soon as she was close enough, I reached out for her and she stumbled onto my lap. "Well now, this I was not expecting," I teased.

"Oh yes you were," she teased.

"Maybe I was and maybe I wasn't, but the point is, is that I have you where I want you to be," I teased.

She raised her eyebrows. "Is that so?"

"Admit it, Mari, you want to be here for one more dance," I replied.

"Anders, just embrace me or kiss me," she said. I slipped my arms around her, pulling her closer as I did so.

"Mmm, I suppose I could indulge you, but after last night, are you really sure you want to?" I asked and she laughed.

"Please? I am...leaving in a few hours and I would like you to," she replied. She cupped my face in her hands and she leaned closer. "I can always make you," she whispered, when she lightly brushed her lips against mine.

"There...is...no...need...to," I managed to say when she kissed me again.

"One more dance with my love," she murmured, when she reached for my hands, placing them on her hips.

"Mmm," I mumbled when she moved away from my mouth, tracing kisses along my jawline.

"Love, slow down," I whispered as I cupped her face bringing it close to mine. I rubbed her cheeks and she closed her eyes.

"Anders," she said quietly and she threw her arms around my neck. I embraced her as well and I held her as close as I could.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" I asked.

"For being you," she replied.

"I love you to."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

It was nearly midday and it was time for me to leave. Anders and I had spent the whole morning together in the garden and now he was with my father and I by the doors leading out of the Circle. I was holding tightly to his hand as we waited for the templars to open the doors.

My father was watching me and I knew I looked terrible. I felt terrible. I did not want to leave Anders behind. He was part of me as much I was part of him. He squeezed my hand and I looked at him. He was trying his best to keep his tears from falling, but they were already sliding down his cheeks. I swallowed hard and I felt tears slide down my cheeks. He turned me around and he wiped them away.

"Please don't cry, my love," he whispered and those words were my undoing. I burst into tears and I wrapped my arms around him. "Marian, please don't. It's is killing me," he whispered.

"I am hurting, Anders and I can feel your pain," I explained.

"You aren't alone there," he said for me alone. "I love you and I will find you, I promise," he continued.

"Please don't wait too long," I whispered and he laughed into my neck.

"Nothing is going to keep me here," he reassured me.

"Marian, are you ready?" my father asked from behind me and I only tightened my arms around Anders.

"Go on my love," he encouraged as he gently disentangled my arms from around me.

"I...I can't," I said and I tried to embrace him again, but he was holding my arms too securely.

"Please go. Go, before I break all the rules and come with you," he said firmly.

"Anders, I cannot," I blurted out.

"Please my love?" he implored.

"No," I said forcefully and this only encouraged him to embrace me again. He urgently sought my mouth and he kissed me with an intensity that was not there before. He forced himself to break off our kiss and he gently pushed me away from him.

"Go my love. I will write, I promise," he said.

"Andy," I said desperately but my father prevented me from going to him. He had turned away from me, but not before I saw the pain on his handsome face.

"Marian, we must go. Your mother is expecting us to be home in a couple of days," he reminded me. I looked uncertainly between my father and Anders. I shrugged out of my father's arms and I embraced Anders a second time.

"I love you, Marian. I love you, maker help me, but I do," he said, when he kissed me again.

"You are my life, Anders and I love you," I whispered.

"Now go, my love," he encouraged as he once again pushed me away from him. He turned away from me and he went inside. I stepped back and I waited for him to reach the balcony, but instead he came back with one single blue flower.

"This is for you," he said softly when I took it from him. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and he went back into the Circle.

"Andy," I whispered to myself and I started crying. I felt my father's hands on my shoulders as he turned me around.

"Sweet maker, this is wrong. I cannot do this to you," he said quietly and he walked past me to Irving.

"I told you this would happen, but you chose not to listen to me. I am going to do everything in my power to have Anders released into my care," he declared. "If I have to write to the Grand Cleric herself, I will because this is wrong, Irving," he continued.

I looked up at the balcony and Anders was watching me. I waved to him and he waved back, but I was tempted to go to him. I looked away for a moment and when I looked up, it was empty - he was gone. I turned away and I shuffled to the boat. I would leave my father to say his thank you's and goodbyes. I could not bear to face Irving knowing he was partly to blame for not allowing Anders to come with me.

"Marian Hawke - it has been two years since I first brought you here, but there is a sadness about you," Carroll said, but I ignored him. He did not know half of what I was feeling.

"Leave me alone," I muttered as I warily climbed onto the boat. My bag was already on it and I sat down holding my flower in my one hand while I clutched my locket in the other I did not look up when my father climbed in. I did not take notice when he placed his arm around my shoulder. No amount of his comfort was going to ease the pain I was feeling. I did not even notice when Carroll started rowing the boat back across the lake to the docks and I barely recalled landing half-an-hour later. I was numb to my core and I was slowly slipping into a depression.


	37. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

**Hawke Family Home, Lothering**

_**Malcolm**_

For three days, we had been on the road and Marian had not uttered one single word to me. I was becoming more and more concerned about her. The sparkle that was in her eyes when I first arrived at the Circle was gone. There were dark circles around her eyes and her face was very drawn. I often saw her crying but no amount of my comfort could soothe the pain she was obviously feeling about Anders. At this moment, she was crying once again and she was holding herself protectively. I sighed and I scooted next to her.

"Please talk to me, Mari," I encouraged as I placed my hands on top of hers, but whether she heard me, I did not know. She was too far into her grief. I sighed again and I looked out of the carriage window. With each turn of the wheel, Lothering was coming closer. I did know what I was going to tell her mother when we arrived home.

"You must talk to me," I tried again.

"Why? I have nothing to say," she croaked. She looked away from me and she stared off into the distance. Maker knows what she was seeing. I was not going to ask her. She needed time and space to collect her thoughts.

"Fine, if time and space is what you need, then you have it," I said.

"What? The only thing I need is Anders," she said softly and she started crying again.

"Marian, considering his history, I definitely think he will attempt to flee the Circle. If he loves you as much as you say he does, then he will definitely seek you out," I reassured her.

She glared at me. "He loves me more than you will ever know or care to know," she said and she looked away from me. I sighed inwardly, but I did not move away from her. By this point we were going through the gates of Lothering and she appeared to smile especially when we went past the windmill, but as soon as our home came into sight, she stood up and she gracefully jumped off the carriage and she ran into the field.

"Driver, you can stop," I ordered. I grabbed our bags and I jumped off the carriage. I looked back at the field, but she was gone. Now I would be in trouble with her Mother. I looked towards our home and I breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing was better than the home I created for us.

"Your sovereigns," I told the driver as I dropped some gold into his hands. He nodded his thanks and he went along his way.

I looked at our home again and this time, Leandra was coming towards me with the twins behind her. She stopped just as she opened the gate and I closed the rest of the distance between us.

"Well, where is she? Where is Marian?" she asked.

"She went out into the fields, Leandra. I...I am sorry," I replied and she raised her eyebrow.

"Is it that bad?" she asked.

"She hardly said two words to me, love. She is hurting and badly so," I explained.

"But it is getting late, Malcolm. She cannot be out wondering this time of day," she pointed out.

"What was I supposed to do, Leandra? She...She is unhappy. I fear she is slipping into a depression. I tried everything to comfort her, but nothing worked, that is how deep her pain is," I explained.

I noticed the children bouncing around and Bethany pointed at something. "Mari...Mari," she said quietly and I followed her pointing finger. Marian was coming towards us and by the way she was holding herself, she had been crying... again.

"Marian," Leandra called.

"Marian," both children called but I caught their hands before they could go to her.

"You two, come with me," I said quietly and amidst their mild protests, I led them back into the house. If anything, her mother might be able to get through to her. I settled them in the living room and I put some water on to boil. I needed something to drink and I knew Marian was going to need something as well.

"Why can't we say hello?" Carver asked.

"She is sad, Carver," I replied.

"Why? Doesn't she want to see us?" Bethany asked and the sadness in her voice nearly broke my heart."I think she does want to see you, but she is sad. She left a very good friend at Circle and she is sad about it," I explained.

"Why didn't her friend come with you?" Carver asked and I smiled at them.

"Because the Circle does not allow them to," I explained.

"Oh," he said and he took off into his bedroom. Bethany followed shortly afterwards and it was not long until I heard the sounds of them playing together. I sighed and I seated myself in my chair. I knew we would be in for a difficult time with Marian, but what could I do about it?

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

I approached my daughter and I noticed her drawn expression and sad eyes. She also seemed to have lost a bit of weight. She was also a bit taller than I remembered, but that sparkle in her eyes was no longer there. As I got closer, she crumpled to the grass holding herself and she started weeping. I quickened my pace and I knelt next to her. She slipped her arms around me and she wept.

"I love him, Mother. I want to be with him and I want him here," she cried.

"Mari, it is alright. Let it out and besides, we must go inside," I said softly.

"I love him," she cried and I embraced her because I did not know what else to do.

"He gave me this last year, Mother. It is his promise to me," she explained when she dropped a gold locket into my hand. I examined it. It was beautiful. It had fine markings on it that resembled Andraste's Grace.

"It must have cost a fortune," I commented as I slipped it over her neck. "Keep it close to your heart," I suggested and she only cried harder.

"Marian, come. Let us go inside. I am sure Bethany and Carver would like to see you," I said as I stood up. She followed me and she slipped her hand into mine. I gently squeezed it and it seemed to help, but the sadness never left her eyes.

As we stepped inside, the twins flew out of their room and they were on her before she could wipe her tears away. She kneeled down and she embraced them.

"How are my two favourite people?" she asked.

"We missed you, Mari," Bethany said.

"I missed you more," Carver said and I started laughing. They always tried to outdo each other.

"Why are you crying?" Bethany asked.

"I...I am happy to see you and Carver, that is why," she replied. I knew she was saying that for their benefit.

"I've made some tea," Malcolm said as he joined us by the front door. I caught his eye and an unspoken question passed between us, and I shook my head. He went back into the living room and I knew he wanted to think about things for a while.

"Who wants some tea?" I asked and Marian gave me a small smilet that did not reach her eyes. I reached for her hand and I led her into the living room. The twins carried on chattering around her, but I knew she was not listening. I sensed she wanted her privacy.

"Why don't you go to bed, Marian and I will bring the tea to you?" I suggested.

"I...I think I would rather like that," she replied.

"Can we come?" Bethany asked and Marian caught my eye. I realised she did not feel like their company.

"They haven't seen you for two years, Marian. Please do not push them away. Go to bed, take them with you and when I have brought the tea to you, I will take them off your hands," I said firmly.

"Fine, whatever," she muttered and she stalked off with the twins behind her.

I quickly poured the tea and I took a mug to Malcolm. He was deep in thought about something and he appeared concerned.

"I am concerned about her, love. Their departure was very difficult for both of them and I did try to convince Irving and Greagoir to release him into my care, but Greagoir refused. Irving is keen on the idea, but Greagoir is the problem," he explained.

"Well, at least you tried. I bet Anders was grateful for the effort," I said.

"Oh, he was, Leandra. He was so pleased. I think Marian is the closest thing he has to a real family. Our family has become his family. Maker help me, I am going to try again to have him released. He should be out here, helping me with the villagers. He is a natural healer, love," he explained.

"Well, if you give that as the basis to have him released, then I don't see why it should be a problem," I pointed out.

"Maybe I should write to the Grand Cleric. What do you think?" he asked.

"I would try, love, but-" I said just as I heard someone behind me. I turned around and it was Marian. She was as pale as ever wearing her cream chemise and I smiled to myself when I noticed the bruise on her neck.

"They are getting out of hand and I need some time. Please?" she asked.

"And what is that?" I teased and she touched her bruise.

"_Anders mark_...I...I, please?" she asked and she sank into the nearest chair. "I don't want to talk about him," she barely whispered.

"But he is your boyfriend, Marian. Surely that has not changed?" I asked.

"Fiancé, Mother. Fiancé," she politely corrected me. I decided to keep quiet. I gave her tea to her and I went into bedroom. The twins were jumping up and down on the bed tugging a pillow I did not recognise. I turned around her just as she stepped into the room. Her face drained of what little colour she had left and she snatched the pillow from them.

"You are not to touch this pillow again," she warned and both of them were shocked into silence.

"It is my special pillow and if I catch you touching it again," she warned.

"I'm sorry," Bethany whimpered and she fled out of the room with Carver behind her. Marian held the pillow to her chest and she crumpled to the ground.

"My baby," I said softly.

"He gave it to me, Mother. It belonged to his Mother," she said softly and my heart broke. She clearly loved him deeply.

"It is beautiful. Did his Mother-?" I asked.

"Yes, she made it for him, just before he was taken to the Circle. Do you know that he has been at the Circle since the young age of twelve?" she asked.

"No, I...I didn't know that. So he has been at the Circle for eight years?" I asked.

"Yes. He will be turning twenty one this year," she replied and she looked away from me. She was trying so hard to stay in control of her emotions, but she was losing the battle.

"Come to bed, Marian and drink your tea. You might feel better," I suggested.

She stood up, clutching the pillow and she climbed into bed. She closed her eyes, but it did not prevent the tears from falling.

"Drink your tea," I encouraged and she sat up. She took a mouthful and she placed the mug onto the table.

"No more," she whispered. She snuggled into her sheets and she closed her eyes. I gently brushed her hair back and she smiled slightly.

"One of his favourite things," she whispered.

I heard a knock on the door and I turned around. Malcolm was standing there holding a bottle of something.

"I think we should give her some elfroot potion. It will help her sleep," he suggested.

"I think so and the twins?" I asked.

"They are in bed and they are both upset, but I managed to settle them. What happened?" he asked.

I pointed to the pillow she was holding. "Anders gave it to her," I replied and he nodded.

"I see," he replied.

"Marian, are you awake?" he asked and she opened her eyes.

"I think you should have some of this," he suggested.

"No, I don't think so. Leave it on the table and I will take it if I have to," she said softly.

"Alright and if you need me or your mother, just call," he suggested.

"Thank you, but if you don't mind, I am quite tired," she said.

"Goodnight, Marian," he said. He went to the door and beckoned me to join him, but I wanted to stay with her for a while longer.

"I will be there soon, love," I reassured him and he went off shuffling his feet. I knew he wanted to chat to me, but that was going to have to wait. I sat next to her and I reached for her hand. I decided not to say anything to her. She needed time and I was going to give it to her. I stroked her hair out of her face and she closed her eyes. She tightened her arms around his pillow and she went to sleep. Her expression relaxed, but the sadness did not leave her face. She turned onto her side never letting go of the pillow. She was still wearing the locket and I was tempted to remove it, but I decided not to. It was a gift from him and I did not think she would appreciate it if I took it off. Once I was certain she was fast asleep, I stood up and I quietly went out of her room. I decided to leave her door slightly ajar, just in case she needed me.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Malcolm<strong>_

"How is she?" I asked Leandra as soon as she climbed into bed.

"She is asleep, love, but her pain or whatever it is, is very much there. I only hope she will be able to pull herself out of whatever it is she is feeling," she replied.

"Maybe she will feel better in the morning," I said.

"I doubt she will feel any better. I was so excited when you told me it was time to bring her home and now look," she said.

"I struggled to pull her away from Anders and he also tried to push her away, but she clung to him. She clung to him, Leandra. The Chantry and their stupid laws. I do not see the fairness of keeping two people who love each other so much, apart. It is wrong and it goes against the Maker's teachings, but the blasted Chantry," I explained and I smiled at her. I rarely used words like that and she was very amused by me.

"I think we should give her a couple of months to settle down and if she gets worse, then we will have to find a way to bring Anders here, but for now, she needs time and she is going to get it," she explained.

I sighed. "But what about you and I? We also need time for each other," I complained.

"Malcolm, she is going to need time and I insist you give it to her. I might be better if we leave it up to her. She will come to us when she is ready," she said.

"Fine, I agree with, but you are here now," I teased. I slipped my arms around her and I snuggled into her. "Goodnight," I said softly and she looked up at me. I kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes.

"Goodnight love," she returned.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

I awoke in the early hours of the morning to the sounds of someone screaming and I shook Malcolm awake. The screaming changed into a sound of deep distress and I jumped out of bed. It was coming from our home.

"Malcolm," I called and he was by my side so quickly, I did not have a chance to think. I literally ran out of our room and I burst into Marian's rooms only to find her moving restlessly on her bed. As we watched, she curled herself into a small ball and she started weeping.

"Malcolm, what do I do?" I asked and he shook his head.

"I have no idea. Try and wake her and give her some elfroot potion," he suggested. I went to her bed and I gently touched her, but she did not wake up.

"Marian, wake up," I called. I looked at her father and he looked as helpless as I felt. If this was the start of her reaction to her separation of her beloved, then we were in for the long haul.

"Marian," I called softly as I gently shook her and she opened her eyes, but they were unseeing.

"Marian, you must drink some of this," I suggested. She closed her eyes and it was not long until she was asleep. I sighed and I glanced at Malcolm. "Go to bed love. I think I am going to stay here."

"I think it would be best. See you in the morning," he said and he went out closing the door behind him. I settled myself next to her and I tried to get some sleep.


	38. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

_**Marian**_

I awoke at 5am only to see my mother sitting in a chair next to my bed. There was also a steaming cup of tea on the sidetable.

"How are you feeling?" she asked. I looked away from her because I was not feeling myself. I reached for my cup and I drank some tea. I had to be honest, so I sighed and I forced myself to look into her grey eyes.

"I don't feel myself. I feel empty and I have a deep pain sitting on my chest," I replied. "And why are you here?" I asked.

She frowned. "You don't remember?" she asked.

"Remember what?" I replied.

"You were screaming in your sleep, Mari," she replied.

"Oh," I murmured. I did not know what else to say to her so I drank some more tea.

"Then you started weeping," she explained and I vaguely remembered that. I put my cup onto the sidetable and I wrapped my arms around my legs.

"If you miss him so much already, then why don't you write to him?" she asked.

"And tell him what, mother? Must I tell him how much I miss him? Must I tell how much I ache for him? If I tell him this, he will become distressed," I replied.

"You miss him, Marian. You last saw him four days ago and by what your father has told me, you hardly said two words to him on the journey back home," she commented.

"I don't want to talk about him," I said defensively and I looked away from her again. I was hurting inside and I did not want her to see the depth of my pain.

"You know, we sent you to the Circle to find yourself and because you were so unhappy. You are home now. You have found yourself, but yet you are unhappy," she said, concerned.

"I did not expect to fall in love, now did I? I did not expect to find the man for me," I explained and I burst into tears. It was too much. I needed him desperately, but he was in the Circle and I was in Lothering. He was so close, yet so far. I turned away from her and I buried my head into his pillow. It smelled like Anders and this did nothing to ease my pain.

"You don't understand," I said as I slipped out of bed. I needed some air. I pulled on the nearest clothes I could find and I bolted out of my room.

"Marian, where do you think you are going at this early hour?" she called.

"I can't be here right now," I replied.

"Be reasonable. The sun has not even risen," she said firmly.

"How can I be reasonable when the man I love is so far away from me?" I asked.

"Marian, please listen to me, running away is not going to make you feel better and I suggest you sit down in that chair and finish your tea. If you feel like going for a walk after that, then do so, but I must insist," she said.

"Fine," I muttered, defeated and I sat in my father's chair. She came back with my tea and she pushed it into my hands. She sat opposite me and she folded her arms. I reached for his locket and I held it. It was the only way I could feel his presence.

"I know you don't want to talk about him, but please can you tell me something about him? What attracted you to him in the first place?" she asked.

I smiled when his face flashed in my mind. "He has the most beautiful pair of light brown eyes I have ever seen. He also exuded such warmth and when he held my hand for the first time, I felt comforted," I explained.

"And what else?" she encouraged.

"We instantly connected. Something passed between us that, even today, we do not understand, but whatever it is, it is very powerful. He is my second half, mother. We...We fit so well together," I said softly, sadly and a lump formed in my throat. "And when we first made love - it was very quick, mother. I think had only been at the Circle for about a month or so - it was awkward at first, but it was the most enjoyable experience for the both of us," I explained.

She frowned at me. "Are you telling me that you are the first woman he made love to?" she asked and I had to laugh. She did not miss a thing.

"Yes, I am his first and as far as we are concerned, there will be no-one else," I replied. "And now we are...engaged," I continued and I could see she was not impressed.

"I hope you are aware that it will be impossible for you to marry," she pointed out.

"I couldn't care less, mother. I love him and if we cannot get married, then we cannot. All that really matters is our love for each other. If we don't get married, we don't but if the opportunity should arise, don't be surprised if we do," I said defensively.

"Marian, you need to be realistic. I know you love him, that much is clear, but do you-" she said when I interrupted her.

"Leave it, will you?" I blurted out as I lurched out of my chair. I was not going to listen further. "I thought you would be more understanding. I thought you would support us... You gave us your blessing or were those just words to keep me happy?" I asked.

"Marian, I am sorry. I just don't want to see you get hurt in the long run," she explained.

"Hurt? I am already hurt," I scoffed. "Or do you think I am acting out?" I asked, shaking my head. I went back into my room and I threw myself into my chair, grabbing a pen and a piece of parchment. I sat there thinking of what I could write to him, but I was too upset to think of anything to write. If I told him how I was feeling, he would worry and I did not want him to do something stupid.

"Blast," I muttered, throwing my pen onto the desk. I stared out of the window trying to think of a way to help myself, but I was too deep in my grief. I sighed and I went back into the living room. My mother was sitting in my vacated seat staring into space.

"I am sorry," I said softly.

"Don't be. I am at fault here and I want you to know that I do understand and I do support your engagement. Your father and I did give your our blessing. Go for a walk and when you return, I would like you to spend some time with the twins," she suggested.

"I know I must and I will. I...I will see you later," I said.

o0o

Half an hour later, I was standing in the middle of a field on the outskirts of Lothering. I strolled around the field and I noticed many blue flowers. I picked a whole bunch of them and I pressed my nose into them.

"Andraste's Grace," I murmured and I started crying, but it did not ease my pain. I sat on the grass and I wrapped my arms around myself trying to comfort myself, but it did not work.

"Pull yourself together, Marian," I muttered. I had to find a way to cope. I could not spend my time feeling like this. I had to spend time with the twins and I did not want them to see me like this. I caught hold of his locket and I brought it to my lips, and a sense of peace surrounded me.

"Anders, my love," I murmured and I felt a bit better. I closed my eyes and I visualised him kissing me, and I felt an ache in the pit of my stomach. I knew it would never go away because it was a need he could only fill. I smiled to myself and I recalled our last night together. I was deep in thought that I did not hear anyone behind me until I heard a familiar, but unwelcoming voice.

"You are home," Aaron said and I turned around.

"Your intrusion is not welcome," I informed him.

"Well, I saw someone sitting in the field and I thought I would see who it was and here I am," he retorted.

"What do you want, Aaron?" I asked. I stood up clutching my flowers and I glared at him.

"I want you, Marian. I always have wanted you," he replied.

"Well, I am already spoken for," I said softly.

"Really? Where is the ring and where is he?" he asked.

"What do you care?" I asked and he stepped closer to me. I felt uncomfortable and I took a step back.

"Too much, I'm afraid," he replied.

"Well, I love another, so you can go now," I retorted.

"I don't see a ring, Marian," he persisted and I pointed to my locket.

"This is his promise, Aaron and maker willing we will be together," I informed him and he laughed.

"That is unlikely considering the laws," he pointed out.

"And considering the uniform you are wearing, you are a templar recruit and what makes you think I want to be involved with someone who is vowed to hunt mages?" I asked.

"Who is he, Marian?" he asked.

"If you think I am going to tell you his name, you are wrong. All you need to know is that I love him. My heart belongs to him and if you think you have a chance with me, you are wrong," I replied.

"You won't see him again, you know," he retorted.

"We will see," I said quietly. "Now if you will excuse me, I need to go home and don't bother following me," I warned.

o0o

I traipsed back into the house and I found a vase for my flowers. My mother was in the kitchen preparing breakfast but there was no sign of the twins.

"Are they still asleep?" I asked.

"Mmm...Those flowers are beautiful. Why don't you put them in your room?" she suggested.

"I was going to do that. They remind me of him," I replied.

"Have you noticed the design on your locket? It is Andraste's Grace," she pointed out.

"I know. He used to give me flowers quite often. They have a beautiful garden at the Circle," I explained. I sat down, burying my head in my hands. I was feeling tearful, so I decided to keep quiet.

"It is going to take some time," she said softly.

"No. No amount of time is going to help me. I need him. I need his comfort and warmth," I explained.

"Are they still asleep?" I asked again.

"They will be up shortly, Marian," she replied. "Would you like some tea?" she asked.

"Yes please," I replied while I fingered my locket.

"Aaron found me in the field," I said casually.

"And what did he want?" she asked.

"You know, he never did write to me," I informed her.

"Well, I knew he wouldn't especially after I told you him were involved with someone," she said.

"Well, I think he likes me, but I told him I was already spoken for and he wanted to know who he was and so on. I did not tell him because he was wearing the Templar uniform," I explained.

"Yes. He joined about two months ago. Well, that is what I heard," she informed me.

"I felt uncomfortable around him. I do not trust him. If he could, he would have us arrested. Besides that, how can he be attracted to me when he did not show the slightest bit of interest?" I asked.

"I wouldn't worry about him, Marian. You have someone in your life and maker willing, you will be together," she said.

"He is going to find me, Mother. That I can assure you. There is nothing keeping him at the Circle," I said.

"Well, I hope he won't get caught, but that is why your father must find a way to have him released otherwise he will be branded an apostate," she said.

"He has tried and I don't think he will get it right. Anders attempted to flee the Circle five times already, so I am quite sure they are watching him," I explained.

"And here come the twins," she said softly and I turned around. They flew into my arms and they both tried to get my attention.

"Hello," Bethany said.

"Hello Sis," Carver said and I grinned at him.

"Good morning you two," I greeted them.

"Marian, I am sorry about your pillow," Bethany said quietly and I embraced her.

"Please don't worry about, but I don't want you two to touch it again. Someone very special gave it to me," I explained.

"We won't play with it again," Carver said.

"Father tells me you are good with swords. You should show me later," I suggested and the smile he gave to me was quite something.

"You want to play with me?" he asked.

"I don't see why not, but we must include Bethany as well," I suggested.

"No Mari. She is scared and when she is scared, she uses her magic," he said.

"Bethany?" I enquired.

"I don't use it, Mari. Daddy told me it was wrong," she replied.

"And he is right. We should only use our magic to help other people as Daddy helps people-" I trailed away because I was thinking about Anders and his gift.

"Mother, do you have any idea how much good Anders would do here with his healing magic?" I asked.

"Your father mentioned he was quite talented," she replied. "And here you go," she said as she placed a plate of food in front of me. "Egg and toast, your favourite," she teased.

"Not really, but thank you," I teased. The twin sat on either side of me and they eagerly ate their food. I pushed me plate away after a few mouthfuls, shaking my head. I was feeling a bit nauseous and my mother noticed.

"You are not hungry?" she asked.

"No. I don't feel so well," I replied and I looked away from her. The last thing I needed was to be with child. "Excuse me," I muttered as I quickly got up and I ran into the bathroom. I splashed cold water onto my face and I heaved. I gripped the basin and I waited for something to come, but nothing came. I splashed more water onto my face and I grabbed a towel. I went back into the kitchen, drying my face.

"When last did you, you know?" she asked and I shook my head. Anders and I had become careless over the last three months.

"You can't think? I can't be," I whispered.

"I think you should go to your father," she suggested and I obediently went into the living room. He was sitting at the desk writing a letter.

"Father please can you examine me?" I asked and he turned around.

"Why? Are you ill?" he asked.

"I'm nauseous," I replied.

"I see," he said, raising his eyebrow. "Did you and Anders become careless?" he asked as I stretched myself out on the chair.

"We might have," I replied.

"Mmm," he murmured while he examined me. I flinched when he pressed into my stomach and I realised what the problem was.

"I have had this before," I informed him.

"Well?" he asked.

"After my Harrowing, I was sick for three days with extreme nausea and vomiting. It was due to stress," I explained.

"You are not pregnant, thank the maker," he said softly, "But you are inflamed. I think you should spend the day in bed, relaxing," he suggested.

"I think you are right," I agreed as he helped me to my feet.

"Off you go then and take it easy," he suggested.

"Yes, whatever," I murmured and I went back into the kitchen.

"I am not with child, Mother. Father says I must spend the rest of the day in bed and I intend doing that, exactly," I informed her.

"And you two, please come with me," I said.

"Are you going to read to us?" Bethany asked.

"Yes I am," I replied and they ran into my room chatting excitedly to each other. I caught my mother's eye and she was smiling at me.

"If you need anything, just shout," she said. "And you do look a bit pale. If they become too much, call me," she continued.

"Well, let me see how it goes," I said.


	39. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

_**Marian**_

"Mari, tell us about your friend," Bethany said. I was leaning against my headboard with the twins on either side of me. I had just finished reading to them.

"What would you like to know?" I asked.

"What does he look like and he is like you and me?" she asked.

"Yes, he is like you and me..." I replied. "And he is very special to me. You see this pillow?" I asked as I pulled it out to show them. "He gave this to me and this locket I'm wearing, he gave it to me as well," I explained.

"It is so pretty, Mari. What is his name?" she asked.

"Anders. I...I call him Andy," I replied. I was feeling upset again and I slipped off the bed. I stood by the window, folding my arms.

"Carver, I am going to fetch Mama," Bethany said. I continued staring out of the window. I was also feeling nauseous.

"Mari, please play with me," Carver said and I turned around. I was struck by how tall and broad he had become.

"You are going to be big, like father," I said and he smiled at him.

"I am going to be stronger than Daddy," he said and he flexed his arm muscles. I burst out laughing because he was eleven and he was already showing off. "Play with me and I can show how strong I am," he bragged.

"Not today, Carver. I don't feel well," I informed him.

"Daddy can help you," he pointed out.

"You don't understand. No one can help me," I said softly.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because Anders is the only one who can," I replied.

"Well, I am going to ask Daddy if he wants to play with me," he muttered and he went off sulking. My mother came back into my room with Bethany and they sat on my bed.

"What is wrong?" my mother asked.

"Everything," I replied.

"Mmm...Carver, take your sister and go to your father. I need to have a chat with Marian," she said and they both gave me disappointed looks. I turned away from them and I stared unseeingly out of my window. I was losing my control on trying to keep my tears away, but they were threatening to burst forth.

"But Mama-" Bethany protested.

"Go to your father," she said.

"Now, I would like you to sit down," she said and I reluctantly obliged. "Mmm...I know you have only been home since yesterday, but you need to relax, Marian. I know you miss him, but there is nothing we can do about it now," she said. I said nothing to her as I got up and sat at my desk. I reached for a pen and a piece of parchment. I was ready to write to him now.

"Could you leave me alone?" I asked. I did not bother turning around. I did not want to see her concerned face. "You and father have no idea how I am feeling," I explained. "And I don't need you telling me otherwise. I love him and I always will. I need him by my side, comforting me in the only way he can comfort me," I continued.

"Your father and I are very concerned about you. I have one thing to ask of you," she said and I turned around, glaring at her. I was feeling agitated.

"When I say I want some time on my own, I mean it," I snapped.

"We don't want you to do anything stupid," she said and I dropped my eyes.

"I won't, please don't worry about that," I said softly.

"Well, I am glad that is clear. I will leave you to your thoughts, then," she said. I turned back to my parchment and I started writing to him.

_Dear Andy,_

_I am so lonely for you, my love and I wish that you were here with me so that we can be together. Maker knows, I miss you so much and it has only been about a week since I last saw you. I need you here, my love otherwise, I fear I may...I do not know. My parents are concerned about me. They do not want me to do something stupid. Maker knows what they mean by that. Why would I do something stupid?_

_Love, please come home soon. I do not know how much longer I can stand being apart from you. I love you and I need you more than ever._

_Write soon._

_Mari_

I wiped my tears away before they could fall onto my letter. I would have to find someone to deliver it for me, so I went in search of my father. I found him outside playing with the twins and when they saw me, they ran into my arms and they sent me flying. I landed on my back with a loud thump. My father was by my side, helping me to my feet and the twins backed right away from me.

"What have I told you?" my father asked them.

"Father, please don't shout at them. They just want time with me. I can take them out into the fields for a couple of hours," I suggested and both children grabbed my hands.

"You will do that for them?" he asked.

"It might take my mind off things and father," I said, taking my letter out of my pocket. "Please can you ensure that this gets delivered to the Circle," I continued.

"What is it?" he enquired.

"It's for Anders," I replied.

"I see. I can see your pain, Mari. Maker help me, but this whole thing is wrong," he explained.

"And what am I supposed to do about it? I am here and he is stuck in the blasted Circle," I blurted out.

"I...I know. I will make sure someone delivers it for you," he said.

"Thank you. Carver, go and fetch your kite. He still has one?" I asked.

"Mari, I do," Carver replied and he ran back into the house.

"Mari, I am going to try again to have him released into my care," he said quietly.

"I doubt it will work. You have tried, Irving has tried and so has Wynne, but Greagoir won't allow it," I said.

"Well, I am going to try anyway, but I can make no promises," he pointed out.

"I know and thank you. It will mean so much to me and to Andy if you get it right. Maker knows, I miss him and it has only been a week. How am I going to feel next week or next month?" I asked.

"You need time and Mari, you never know. You might find he comes knocking and I can only imagine how you will feel should that happen," he said.

"I will never love another as I love him, Father. He is too much a part of me," I said softly and I turned away from him. Carver was coming out of the house carrying his kite as well as two wooden swords.

"Mari, what about me?" Bethany complained and I reached for her hand.

"Don't worry. I am going to play with both of you," I reassured her and her face broke out into a smile. She was also taller than I remembered, but she was slight unlike her brother.

"See you later," I said.

"Look after them," he teased.

"Of course I will. They are my siblings," I said. I followed them out of the garden and into a field not too far from our home. It was nearly midday and the wind was coming up. We went into the middle of the field and I helped Carver launch his kite into the air. When it was high up in the sky, I sat on the grass with Bethany. We watched the kite duck and dive, but he was very strong. He did not allow it to pull him along the ground. I picked up his wooden swords and I ran my fingers along the edge. They were handcrafted and I wondered if it was my father's doing or did he find someone to make them for him?

I leaned back on my hands and I looked up at sky. I wondered if Anders was doing the same and this thought only upset me. I clutched my locket and I felt better, but I wanted him.

"Don't be sad, Mari," Bethany said softly, slipping her arms around my neck. I embraced her.

"Thank you, but I am sore in here," I explained, pointing to my chest. She placed her hand over mind and the most pleasant sensation went through me.

"Bethany, you can heal?" I asked.

"Daddy said I am a natural unlike you," she replied.

"My Anders is a healer as well," I told her.

"Are you still sore?" she asked after a while.

"No," I replied, but that was a lie. I was still sore and no amount of healing magic was going to help me, but I did not want to upset her. She smiled at me and I returned her smile.

"Carver is jealous," she whispered.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I have magic and he has nothing," she replied.

"That is not true, Bethany. I believe he is good with swords," I said.

"And when Daddy teaches me about magic, Carver gets angry," she said.

"Maybe I should speak to him," I suggested. Carver caught my eye and he waved. I beckoned him to join us but he shook his head. "I guess he is having too much fun."

o0o

An hour had passed and Carver was still flying his kite. I was getting restless and I wanted to go home. As I was about to stand up, I heard footsteps behind me and I turned around.

"You look better than you did this morning," Aaron said and I glared at him.

"What part of _I am not interested_ didn't you understand?" I asked.

"I was passing by your home and I thought I would join you for a while," he replied.

"Why?" I asked.

"Isn't it obvious? I happen to find you very attractive and if you will allow me, I will show you," he replied.

"I told you that I am involved with someone else, Aaron. Don't try your luck, it won't work. My heart belongs to another and I love him completely," I said quietly.

"Well, he is not here," he pointed out.

"That is not the point, Aaron and besides...No, I am not interested in you," I informed him. "Bethany, Carver, come, we are going home," I called but they were too busy bringing the kite in.

"I am here," he said and he reached for my hand.

"Aaron, I am warning you," I hissed. "Please let me go."

"Fine," he muttered.

"You were never interested in me. What has changed?" I asked and he said nothing.

"My point exactly, now if you please, I would like you to leave," I said and I turned away from him. The twins were coming towards me and I picked up the swords. I glanced at Aaron and he was watching me.

"Come you two, let us go home," I said to them and they went on ahead of me. "Aaron, please stay away from me and just so you know, I happen to be engaged to him," I explained and I hurriedly joined my siblings.


	40. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

**Circle of Magi**

_**Anders**_

_Today is the day,_ I thought to myself as I reread Marian's letter. Her letter had upset me because she sounded so distressed. Her parents were also concerned about her and I knew the time had come for me to make my escape. I had found it difficult to attempt it because the Templars constantly watched me. Now it was time to take action, but I was going to write to her first.

_Dear Marian_

_I miss you terribly and I lie awake most nights aching for you, but love, please do not do something stupid. I am trying to figure something out so that we can be together, but I fear they know or at least suspect something. _

_I love you, Mari and I always have and maker willing, I hope to see your beautiful smiling face soon._

_My Marian - I love you._

_Yours Truly_

_Andy_

I stuffed the letter into my pocket and I went to the man I knew would deliver letters. I found him by the doors leading out of the Circle.

"Ser, can you ensure that this gets delivered?" I enquired. I pulled out the letter and I sealed it was some wax that was lying around.

"Yes Ser, but I require some form of payment," he said.

"Does it look like I have sovereigns?" I asked.

"No Ser," he replied. "Ser, to whom must I deliver it?"

"Marian Hawke, Lothering," I replied and he smiled at me.

"I know her family and I will ensure she gets it," he said.

"Well, weren't you the one who delivered her message to me?" I asked.

"Yes Ser, I was. I know of whom you speak. I will go at once," he said.

"Thank you," I said politely.

I found my way into the courtyard and Karl was having another lesson the apprentices. When he saw me, he smiled and I did not return it.

"Anders, we are going to take the apprentices outside the walls of the tower so that I can show them how dangerous Elemental Magic can be if not properly controlled. Would you like to join us? Perhaps you could help with the lesson," he suggested.

_This would be the perfect opportunity_, I thought to myself. I would be able to escape and I could create a distraction.

"Of course I can help with the lesson," I agreed and he grinned at me.

"Excellent. We will go at once. Everyone please follow me," he called.

I followed at a discreet distance so that I could see how I would be able to make my escape, but as we neared the doors leading outside, a group of Templars joined us.

"You cannot go out there without us," Cullen said.

"We are only going to show them a few things, Cullen. I have permission from Irving," Karl informed him.

"I know, but we cannot allow a group of mages left unattended. Some might get foolish ideas," Greagoir explained and he caught my eye.

"Why are looking at me?" I asked.

"You know why, Anders," he replied. "We don't need you escaping the Circle," he continued.

"And if I do what then?" I asked.

"Solitary Confinement, Anders," he replied.

"Try me," I threatened, drawing on my magic. I was feeling angry and annoyed. "You won't keep me from her, Greagoir," I warned.

"You settle down, Anders, otherwise I will bind you in chains," he warned.

"That is if you can catch me," I said and I released a ball of lightning into the air. I followed with a ball of ice and I slowly inched my way to the path leading to the docks.

"I am warning you," he cautioned.

"Try me, I dare you," I goaded him and his face turned red.

"You asked for it. Templars," he called and before I realised it I felt strong arms around me that was reminiscent of when I was first brought to the Circle. This only angered me and I fought back, but it was futile, they bound my hands and they shoved me back into the Circle and they brought me before Irving.

"Anders, I warned you not to attempt this again. I warned you I would be forced to keep you in Solitary Confinement. I understand your desire to go to Marian, but I cannot tolerate this behaviour," he said quietly.

"If they will unbind my hands, I can show you a letter she wrote to me," I said. He indicated to the Templars, to release me and they did. I massaged my wrists while giving them dirty glances. I pulled out the letter and I gave it to him.

"Ser, I need to go to her. She needs me and her parents are worried about her. I...I fear she may do something stupid," I explained.

"I understand, Anders, but this is unacceptable. If I could, I would send you to Malcolm, but the power does not lie in my hands alone. You need to understand that," he explained.

"And you need to understand why I need to go to her," I implored.

"I am sorry, Anders but due to your history with the Circle, you will be kept in Solitary Confinement for as long as I feel is necessary. I am going to revoke all your privileges," he said firmly.

"What has he been saying to you, Irving? I always thought you were a reasonable man," I pointed out.

"Do you honestly think I want to do this to you? I do not, but you leave me no choice. If you behave, you will be released sooner," he explained.

"How long?" I asked.

"That is entirely up to you," he replied.

"Do you have any idea what this is going to do to Marian? She is going to be devastated because I won't be able to write to her as promised," I said.

"And you should have thought of that first," he pointed out.

"I was thinking about her, Irving. Maker knows, have you never been in love?" I asked.

"I was once, but that was years ago. Anders, as promised, if you behave you will be released sooner. Think about that and think about Marian," he said, indicating to the Templars to take me.

"Can I have that?" I asked as I reached for my letter.

"Yes, I will allow it and I am sorry, but you never know, maybe some good will come of it," he said.

"Whatever and one day, the mages will be free of the Circle, the Templars and the Chantry," I declared.

I could not believe I allowed my temper to get the best of me. _I am sorry love._ I knew that no matter what I thought, she would be devastated and this hurt me like nothing else. I did not say a word to the Templars as they lead me into Solitary Confinement. _Why was I so stupid? Marian love..._

They shoved me into my cell and I stumbled onto what appeared to be a makeshift bed. I fell onto it and I buried my head in my hands.

"It serves you right, Anders." I raised my head and I saw Cullen sneering at me.

"What happened to you?" I asked. "Was Ariana's separation too painful to bear?" I asked.

"Mages should be locked up, Anders. And Ariana...I don't hear from her and I haven't since she went with Duncan," he replied.

"So what? Are you going to be a heartless bastard, Cullen?" I asked.

"Shut your mouth, Anders, otherwise I will shut it for you," he warned.

I laughed. "You can try, but you won't get very far," I warned, releasing a small fireball as I did so.

"Idle threats, Anders. I have yet to see you squander you gift of magic," he said.

"Gift?" I scoffed. "How can it be a gift when it is preventing me from being with my beloved?" I asked.

"Anders, I am really sorry she had to go home, but surely you realise that using your gift to try and escape was a bit foolish?" he asked.

"Look, I know, but I love her and I will do anything for her. Well, almost anything. I will not resort to Blood Magic as Jowan did. I...I need to be with her," I explained.

"Mmm...Perhaps spend some time here will help you see things clearly. I do not dislike you, Anders. I think you are a good man and you deserve to be with Marian, but this is not the way to go about it," he said quietly.

"I know. I love her so much and it hurts. The last month here without her has been terrible. I cannot sleep properly. I do not want to do anything. I only want to be with her. She is what I see and feel. Please leave me alone," I whispered. My throat was closing up and I was going to cry.

"Someone will bring you your food later," he said.

"So, I still get three meals a day," I teased.

"Yes. This is not a prison, Anders. Think about it as a place of thinking," he suggested.

"It seems like you know what you are talking about," I commented.

"I do. I have come here many times to think about things. Perhaps you will find the answer you are seeking and won't be completely on your own. We have cats that live down here. Perhaps you will befriend one or one will befriend you" he said.

"Perhaps, I will," I said quietly and I turned my back on him. I could feel the tears streaming down my cheeks and all I could see was my beautiful Marian.

o0o

I do not know how long I had been lying on my makeshift bed thinking about and I was doing myself no favors. I was aching for her and the familiar tightening in my nether regions did nothing to ease the way I was feeling. I stretched myself onto my back and I gripped what appeared to be a sheet. I sat up and there was a blanket at the foot of the bed.

"At least I won't get cold," I thought in amusement, but I was feeling cold and that was because I wanted her warmth. I closed my eyes and I visualized her lying in my arms.

"Maker," I murmured, but I clenched my hands into fists. I was ready to explode.

"Relax," I told myself but another image of her appeared in my mind and this time she was so pale and thin. She was not even smiling and this only made me anxious. I heard a cat meowing and it forced me out of my reverie. I sat up and had a look around my cell.

"Where are you?" I called and a cat squeezed through the bars of my cell door. It was a ginger cat and it immediately went to my bed. I sat down and to my surprise, it scrambled onto my shoulders, purring.

"Hello there," I murmured as I petted it. It was young and very friendly. It meowed softly and I smiled because I felt comforted. I used to have a cat as a child.

"Mmm, I think I'm going to call you _Wiggums_," and he purred loudly. I removed him from my shoulder and I placed him onto my lap. I was feeling better, but my ache did not disappear.

I stretched myself out onto the bed and I closed my eyes. It was not long until my cat settled himself on my chest. I fell asleep with images of Marian flying around my mind and I took some comfort from that.


	41. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

**Hawke Family Home, Three Months Later**

_**Marian**_

It had been three months since I last heard from Anders. I received his last letter and I had written to him. I wrote to him every month and now I was sitting in my room re-reading his letter and the tears streamed down my cheeks. Nothing my parents said could ease my deep pain. I had withdrawn from everything and everyone. I did not spend any time with the twins and I knew my parents were very concerned about me. I picked up my pen and I grabbed some parchment. I was going to write to him again.

_Dear Anders,_

_Why have you not written to me? Have you forgotten about me? I miss you, love and I am slowly fading away. I cannot stand the thought of carrying on my life without you. It is pointless and I have no happiness. You must go home soon otherwise I fear I may do something desperate. I am slipping, Andy. I am slipping away every day. Where are you, my love?_

_Yours forever and always_

_Marian._

I tossed my pen onto the desk and I sealed my letter. It was true. I felt I was slipping away and I needed him more than ever. I went into the kitchen to let my Mother know that I was going to find the man who delivered letters from Lothering to the Circle. She was sitting at the table deep in thought and I seated myself opposite her.

"You cannot go on like this, Marian," she said softly.

"Go on like what?" I asked.

"This. Look at you? You don't sleep, you don't talk to us and you don't spend time with Bethany and Carver," she replied.

"How do you think I feel, Mother? I know I can't go on like this and I intend putting a stop to it," I informed her.

"How do you intend doing that?" she asked.

"I...I don't know," I replied, but that was a lie. The temptation to turn to blood magic as a means to ease my pain was growing stronger with each passing day.

"I don't believe you, Marian. I do not know Anders, but I feel that he wouldn't want you to be so sad and depressed. He would want you to live your life," she pointed out.

I looked away from her. I was feeling tearful again. "He hasn't written to me for three months, Mother," I explained.

"Why? Why did you not tell me this?" she asked.

"Why do you care so much? I just want him, Mother. I...I cannot go on like this," I whispered.

"Marian, I honestly hope you aren't going to do something desperate...because if you do, you are being selfish," she pointed out.

"At least it would be better than feeling like this," I muttered.

"Marian, he doesn't strike me as someone who would not write. Maybe something has happened," she suggested.

"Like what, Mother?" I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I...I don't know...I am going to speak to your father. Maybe he can write to the First Enchanter. If bringing Anders here will help you, then we must try, but Marian, don't be foolish. I don't think Anders wants this for you. He loves you too much," she explained.

"I doubt it will work. I am going to find the man who delivers letters. I have another one for Anders," I said softly.

"Well none of them have been returned thus far, so one can only assume that he must still be at the Circle," she pointed out.

"Then why does he not write to me? He promised he would," I said softly. My throat was closing again...

"Mari, why don't you spend time with Aaron? He visits quite often. Why not spend some time with him?" she suggested.

"Why should I? He is only interested in one thing," I said.

"And what might that be?" she asked.

Aaron did visit quite often and he walked with me in the fields near my home, but he wanted more than friendship and I was not prepared to give anything other than friendship.

"I don't have to explain myself," I replied. "I will see you later," I continued as I stood up. I was ready to go out now.

o0o

"Well, well, well, isn't it my beautiful Marian," Aaron said from behind him. I was sitting at the inn drinking cider. I was feeling a bit better knowing that my letter was on its way to the Circle.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Well," he said, stumbling into the chair next to me. "You know what I want and what can I do to convince you?" he asked.

"Are you drunk?" I asked.

"Mmm...No. I am merely happy. You should try it sometime. You might surprise yourself," he teased and to my surprise, he placed his hand onto my thigh. I jumped slightly because it felt so good.

"Well, there is only one person who can make me happy, but he is not here," I informed him. I jumped again when he applied pressure to my thigh.

"I know you feel something for me, Marian. We can, for one night, that is all I ask," he suggested.

"I used to feel something for you, Aaron, but that was a long time ago," I pointed out.

"Mmm, I've grown up since then," he returned. He massaged my thigh and I was pleasantly surprised at his gentleness.

"One night you say?" I asked.

"One night and then I will leave you to your despair and pain," he replied. I glanced at him and he was watching me. He had the most beautiful green eyes and they were dancing with amusement.

"I...I can't. I miss him, Aaron and I love him. I promised to remain loyal to him," I explained.

"But, Marian, you might never see him again. You cannot sit around and wait. What if you miss out on a good and decent man?" he asked.

"He is my fiancé," I said quietly.

"Just try. Come with me," he suggested, taking my hand firmly in his. He also exuded warmth and comfort, but his hand was rough unlike Anders.

"Please?" he asked, smiling at me.

I allowed him to pull me to my feet and we went out into the cool evening air. He led me to a secluded spot not far from my home.

"Come here," he said softly, pulling me into his arms. "I know we have our differences. We are on opposite ends. I am a templar and you are what you, but I think you need some excitement and I hate to admit it, but I think I am in love with you," he said softly. He was running his hands along the curve of my back and I could feel myself react. It had been too long since I was in Anders arms and I craved the intimacy of being this close to someone.

"I...I don't feel that way about you, Aaron. My heart belongs to Anders and it always will," I said softly.

"Then you can go if you would like, but by the way you are responding, I don't think you want to. One night. Let me make love to you," he said softly, pulling me right against him. "One night," he murmured, pressing his lips against mine. "Mmm...Marian, open for me," he whispered against my mouth. I allowed him entrance and our tongues began a dance of their own. I found myself unwilling slipping my arms around him. My heart was pounding and I could feel guilt creep up, but I did not want to stop just yet.

"You want me," he whispered hoarsely as he slipped his hand under my blouse. He grazed his fingers across my stomach and he slowly inched his way upwards, until he found my breast. He gently squeezed it and I moaned. It felt pleasant, but it was not the same as Anders' touch.

He pulled away long enough to unbutton my blouse and he groaned, lowering his lips onto my pert nipple and he swirled his tongue around it. _Andy, why can it not be you?_ I thought to myself and I was suddenly overcome with guilt, but he did not appear to notice because he was inching his way to my pants.

"No," I murmured, but he did not hear me. I felt him push my pants down and he slipped his arms around me. He pressed his lips against mine and he relentlessly explored my mouth.

"No, I can't," I whispered. He ignored me and he pulled me against him. I could feel his hardened member pressing against me.

"Aaron, I said no," I blurted out, pushing him away.

"Marian, please?" he asked.

"I can't. I am sorry. I love him too much and I will not betray him. This never happened and we will not speak of it again," I warned as I quickly pulled my pants on and I buttoned my blouse. I made sure all the buttons were in the right place. I did not need my Mother to see me like this.

"I am sorry, but this never happened. You will not understand. I love him, Aaron and that will never change," I said softly turning away from him.

"Marian, please?" he called, but I ignored him. I was feeling extremely guilty and I needed to speak to someone. I staggered into the kitchen and my family were having supper. My mother caught my eye and she frowned when she noticed my expression.

"Marian what happened?" she asked.

"May I speak with you?" I asked.

She laughed. "Of course you can. I am your Mother and you look terrible. I hope you haven't been drinking," she teased and I glared at her.

"I am sorry. I know you don't drink, but what do you want to speak to me about?" she asked.

"Privately, if you please," I replied. I went into my bedroom and I sat on my bed.

"What is it, Marian? You look a bit pale," she said.

"Mother, I...Aaron...We nearly," I blurted out and I burst into tears.

"Tell me everything," she encouraged as she sat next to me.

"He took me to a secluded spot not far from here and he...we kissed," I replied.

"I see and how do you feel?" she asked.

"Terrible. Guilty. I love only Anders," I replied.

"Did you?" she asked.

"No, we didn't, but-" I trailed away.

"You love Anders and now you feel guilty for betraying him?" she asked.

"Yes. I love him, Mother. How can I not feel guilty?" I asked.

"Mari, you feel like this because yes - you do love Anders, but at the same time you miss his intimacy. I can only assume you wanted Aaron to ease your pain, but he is not Anders, Marian. You are not yet ready for another man to move in. You are too deeply in love with him and that is why you feel so guilty," she explained.

"I need him here," I whispered, reaching for his pillow and I held it against my chest. It smelled of him and it only made me feel worse. "I will have to tell him," I whispered.

"Why? You did not do anything wrong. All you did was share a kiss. Why should he know?" she asked.

"Because he has to know," I replied. "But what is the point anyway? Maker knows when I will see him again," I continued.

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I don't think he can be angry with you. How can he be?" she asked.

"You think so?" I asked.

"I do...Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked.

"Yes please and while I wait, I think I am going to bath and then I am going to bed," I informed her.

"Well, let me know when you are done, so that I can bring your tea to you," she suggested.

"I will and thank you," I said softly.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

I closed her bedroom and I went back into the kitchen. Malcolm and the children were chatting animatedly about something and I could only stand and watch them. At least Bethany and Carver were happy, but Marian - she was worrying me.

"Is everything alright?" Malcolm asked and I sat down taking his hand into mine.

"No. We need to do something," I replied.

"Mama, why is she sad all the time?" Carver asked, reaching for his sister's hand.

"She misses her friend, Carver," Bethany replied and I smiled to myself. She was very aware of her older sister's unhappiness.

"What do you want me to do, Leandra? I have written to Irving countless times, but his answer remains the same. I have even enquired about Anders, but he ignores me," he replied.

"She can't continue like this. She is slipping away, Malcolm. Can you not see that?" I asked.

"She is not slipping away, Leandra. She is unhappy and she is depressed. I thought I did the right thing by sending her to the Circle, but it seems I have made things worse for her," he said.

I sighed. "Then you speak to her. She is your daughter," I muttered.

"It won't help her, Leandra, but you know what might?" he asked. I stood up, shaking my head and I put the water to boil.

"Someone in Lothering is selling Mabari puppies. They are about eight weeks old," he suggested.

"A dog, Malcolm? That is your answer?" I asked.

"Love, she has always loved animals and I think she would enjoy something of her own. Something she can love," he explained.

"But it is not really the same," I pointed out.

"I don't think she will mind. If you feel she is slipping away, then as her parents we have to act. I suggest we get her a puppy and if that doesn't help-" he said and I interrupted him.

"We have to act, yes and I suggest you send another letter to Irving explaining the situation, but in the meantime, we can get her a puppy," I said.

"What about me?" Carver asked.

"Listen to me, son, Marian, is unhappy and I will help her in any way I can. If you were as sad as she is, I would do something about it and why can you not be like Bethany?" he asked him.

"But Daddy, I don't have my sword yet," he replied.

"My son, we have spoken about this. When you turn sixteen you will get your sword," he explained.

"I want one know," he blurted out and I started laughing.

"Carver, your father is right, when you are old enough you will get your sword," I said quietly.

"This is so unfair," he muttered angrily.

"That is enough, Carver. Your sister is not well and you will do well to remember that," Malcolm reprimanded him and the look Carver gave him made by blood run cold. He had always resented his father and sisters because of their magical talent. It was getting worse with each passing year.

"Mama, can I go to her?" Bethany asked.

"You may and tell her I will bring her something to drink shortly," I replied and she went off smiling.

"She loves her sister, you know," I commented.

"I know and love, what do you think about getting Marian a puppy?" he asked.

"In all honesty, we can try, but I really think you should write to Irving again. If not for me, then do it for her. Maker knows, I cannot bear watching my child suffer like this," I said softly.

"Mmm, what happened tonight?" he enquired.

"Aaron kissed her and she feels guilty about it," I replied.

"He did not hurt her or anything like that?" he asked.

I laughed. "You are so protective of her, love. Why?" I asked.

"She worries me and I don't think she is ready for any relationships at this stage. She is too deeply in love with Anders," he replied.

"I told her that, but she still feels guilty. I think they promised each other to remain loyal," I explained.

"So, it was just a kiss? Nothing more?" he asked.

"It was just a kiss. I think she backed out before it could go any further," I replied.

"Tomorrow I am going to get her this puppy," he said.

"Maybe it will imprint itself on her. Is that not what Mabaris do?" I asked.

"It is and they remain loyal to that person," he replied.

"Then take her with you and let her choose it or let it choose her," I suggested.

"Well, then I am going to ask her now," he said.

"Do that. I am going to make some tea," I said.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

Bethany was asleep next to me and I was staring up at the ceiling trying to wipe my memory clean of my kiss with Aaron. I did not enjoy kissing him. He was too rough and demanding. It felt as if he was trying to claim me as his own and I did not belong to him. I closed my eyes and I visualised Anders kissing me. A low ache started in the pit of my stomach and I turned onto my side. I did not want to wake my sister. The longer my vision stayed, the more intense my ache became and I let out a soft sigh. Many times I had lain awake feeling like this, but there was no way I could satisfy myself. I needed _his_ love and understanding. It was a need only he could fill.

I sat up and I reached for my journal. I had only recently starting using it. So far, it contained my thoughts about Anders and everything about him. It also contained my own pain and sadness. I paged through it until I came to a blank page.

_A Need Only He Can Fill_

_What would you do if I kissed you?_

_What would you do it I held your hand and laid you down?_

_Would you find me overly unkind to you?_

_Would you call me insensitive, and say that I deserve to die?_

_What do I do with all these feelings tearing me up inside? _

_What do I do with all these wasted hours dreaming of you at night?_

I closed my journal and I threw it across my room, and it hit the wall with a loud thump effectively waking up my sister. The tears streamed down my cheeks and I was powerless to stop it.

"Mari?" she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"I...I'm fine," I murmured, turning away from her, but she had seen too much.

"Mari," she said softly and she reached for my hand.

"I...I'm fine," I murmured again.

"You aren't. You haven't been for months," she said and her maturity surprised me. She was only eleven and I felt like the younger sister.

"You miss him. You cry for him and you cry every night," she continued.

"I hurt, Bethany and it never goes away," I explained, turning onto my back so that I could look up at the ceiling once again. Bethany sat up and she placed her hand over my heart.

"Here?" she asked and I nodded.

"Then take a deep breath and relax," she suggested. I sighed when I felt her magic flow between us. It felt different to Anders. His magic felt more intense than my sister's but I attributed that to his deep attraction of me. With mages, it was definitely different. I reflected back on my kiss with Aaron and it was nothing like the way Anders kissed me, the way he would gently swirl around my mouth trying to get as much of me as he possibly and I reciprocated. My tears worsened the longer I thought about him.

"Hush, Mari," she said softly, drawing on more magic. I could feel it work its way through my veins and my pain slowly receded.

"How did you do that?" I asked. I was feeling much better, but not completely.

"I taught myself. I asked Daddy about it once before and he said it was because my gift of magic was different," she replied.

"I still don't understand, Beth," I said.

"I can explain it to you, if you would like me." We both turned in the direction of the door and my father was leaning against the doorframe watching us.

"Please?" I asked.

"Well," he said, seating himself on my bed. "With Bethany, she exudes a certain calmness that people respond to, much like the way you respond to her. With her magic - she can heal just as Anders can - but with her magic, it calms people and helps them relax. It is a rare gift," he explained.

"Well, I do feel...better, but my pain-" I explained.

"It won't ease it completely, Mari. That will only come with time, but I do not want to upset you with if's and maybe's regarding your young man. I am here because I want to know what really happened between you and Aaron this evening," he said.

"We...We kissed, that is all. I pushed him away even though he protested, I pushed him away. I simply cannot get involved with someone else. I love Anders with my whole being. He is my second half, father," I explained, looking away from him because my throat was closing up. "And I cannot speak about him without feeling like this," I continued.

"But you cannot keep it bottled up inside. It is not good for you. Look at your brother - he keeps his anger and resentment bottled up and when he is upset, he looks ready to explode," he explained.

"He has always resented me, but at least I try. I have noticed his short temper and he looks angry all of the time. Perhaps you should get him his sword," I suggested.

"Maybe, what do you think Beth?" he asked.

"No," she replied and her expression was indignant.

"No, Malcolm, no," my mother said and we burst out laughing.

"Well, look at her. She is laughing. Maker help me. If a storm should come through Lothering, then we know why," my mother said, smiling and she also wanted to laugh.

"Have you asked her, Malcolm?" she asked and I gave them questioning glances.

"Asked me what?"

"Well, how do you feel about getting a Mabari puppy?" he asked and I nearly slipped off my bed in shock. I had always wanted a Mabari Hound, but I never summoned the courage to ask my father.

"I...I have always wanted one, but surely they imprint on you?" I pointed out.

"That is why I would like you to come with me tomorrow. Someone in the village is selling the puppies," he replied.

"Really?" I asked and for the first time in months, I felt excited. I became silent, because it was rather strange to feel like this.

"Mari, are you alright?" my mother asked and for no apparent reason, I started crying. It was not long until Bethany slipped her arms around my neck and once again, I felt her magic flow between us.

"Hush, Mari," she whispered soothingly. "He will find you that I know for certain, but you have us, you have me," she continued.

"It is not the same," I said and it as not long until both my parents had me firmly in their embrace. I derived some comfort from them, but it was not what I wanted.

"So how about it?" he asked.

"I...I like the idea," I replied.

"Excellent. I will take you to the villager tomorrow morning. Now you must get some sleep, if you can and your mother has brought tea for you," he said. They pulled away from me, except for Bethany. She had her hand wrapped firmly in mine.

"I guess you aren't going anywhere tonight?" I asked.

"No. I think I will sleep here," she replied.

"Mmm...Malcolm, she is growing up. I think we should consider building an extra room or we move her in with Marian. Carver is growing up and I don't think it will be wise," she explained.

"We will have to do something, but in the mean time - that is until we have the sovereigns - she will have to sleep here or she can sleep in her room and besides, what are we going to do, should Anders show up here? They will want to be together, Leandra," he pointed out.

"Can we not speak about...him?" I asked.

"I...I am sorry. I am thinking ahead," he said.

"Its fine," I murmured, but in truth, it was not fine.

"Drink your tea," he suggested, pushing the cup into my hand and get some sleep. Beth, you can sleep here tonight, and I will see what else I can do about moving you in," he said.

I took a sip of my tea and it tasted different. It was sweeter than usual and I felt a certain calmness surround me. I glanced at my parents, but they were chatting about something. I was not listening because I felt sleepy all of a sudden and I realised what it was.

"Father, how...how could-" I trailed away. I closed my eyes and a familiar hand took my cup from me.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

"Leandra what do you put in her tea?" Malcolm asked me. We were watching Marian as she fell into a deep sleep. "Elfroot potion, just enough to help her sleep," I replied.

"But Leandra, how much?" he asked.

"A teaspoon, don't worry. I know how much to use and you must admit - she needs to sleep. She has not slept properly for months. How can she when she cries every night and it is not even crying - she weeps, Malcolm," I explained.

"I still don't understand, Leandra. She was always so strong, but is seems her spirit is broken. I should have left her at the Circle where she was happy," he explained.

"No love, her spirit is not broken, she misses him. Maker, they must share something profound and it is not even a teenage crush. It is the real thing and now he is not writing to her anymore. Of course she is upset," I pointed out.

"Love, can I speak to you for a minute?" he asked. I tucked Bethany in next to her and Marian snuggled up to her. Their relationship had always been such, but I was surprised at Bethany's maturity. She knew exactly what to do to help her sister.

"Of course," I replied, reaching for his hand. I needed his comfort. We went into the privacy of our room and he closed the door.

"I did not want to tell you this in front of Marian, but in Irving's letter, he mentioned something about solitary confinement and Anders," he explained.

"He is in solitary confinement?" I asked, realising what he was telling me.

"It seems so. It is not in so many words, but I gathered as much," he replied.

"Then that explains why he has not written to her. What did he do, I wonder?"

"Perhaps he tried to flee, maker knows, but there it is," he said.

"Then there is nothing we can do," I said.

"I am afraid not, but I will write to him again as promised and I will explain to him what is going on with our daughter. Maybe he will relent, but I doubt it," he said

"Well, you have tried and I thank you. I guess we will have to wait and see," I said, sighing. "I am going to bed," I said, taking him by his hand, but he pulled me into his arms and he pressed his lips against mine. "Mal," I murmured. I only called him that during moments like these. He deepened our kiss and before I realised it, he hoisted me into his arms. "Love," I murmured, pulling away from him. I needed to breath, but he pressed his lips against mine once again.

"I love you," he whispered as we fell onto the bed. We started laughing and we settled ourselves more comfortably. He was on top of me before I realised it and I eagerly sought out his mouth.

"I love you to, Mal," I returned.


	42. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

_**Marian**_

I awoke feeling extremely thirsty, but as I tried to get out of my bed, my mother came into my room with another cup of tea. I looked at my sleeping sibling and I smiled. I had slept so well. I had no dreams and for once, I felt a bit happier.

"Here is your tea. It is normal to feel thirsty after what I put into your tea last night," she informed me.

"Why did you do it?" I asked, warily taking a sip of my tea and I breathed a sigh of relief. I did not want to spend the day sleeping.

"You tell me," she replied.

"Mother, I understand your concern, but maker help me, I hurt..." I trailed away. I did not want my happiness to be spoilt, so I looked out of the window.

"We won't speak about him today, Mari, but if you feel you need to, then we can chat, but for now, drink your tea. Your father is awake and he is waiting for you," she explained.

"What about my sister?" I asked.

"You know the twins are late risers and between you and me, I think your father would like to spend some time with you. He is just as anxious as I am about your health and mental well-being. What is breaking?" she asked.

"My heart and I cannot shake my pain and sadness. I am so tightly bound to him and if I try hard enough, I can almost feel him. Whether that is a figment of my imagination, I just don't know," I replied.

"Well, I have always heard that a love between mages is quite something. I attribute that to the mana running in their veins. I get a hint of it occasionally," she said and I laughed.

"I have seen the light a few times. It must be really intense for that to happen," I teased.

"You have no idea. Wait until you and Anders experience that unless you have already experienced it?" she asked.

"No, we haven't but the times we made love - and it was not that often - it was always intense except for one night. That was after the second dance they held at the Circle. He made the most intimate love to me, not that the other times weren't intimate - they always were, but that night, it shifted," I explained.

"And you are so young. I still cannot believe it developed so quickly," she said.

"Well, we were surprised as well, but something changed after we shared a hug one morning in the library. I felt him, you know and he was so embarrassed," I explained.

"But you both handled it as mature adults. He...he didn't hurt you the first time?" she asked.

I blushed at the thought. "No, he was so gentle. He kept on asking me if I was sure, I wanted to take the step. He was awkward as was I, but that was to be expected because neither one of us knew what to expect," I replied.

"Maker, you really do love him. When you speak about him, you eyes absolutely sparkle. That explains why you can't be with anyone other than him," she said.

"I was the happiest with him, Mother. He made me happy...He makes me happy and I love him," I explained.

"But at the same time, when we speak about him, you are sad," she said softly.

"I...I cannot help it, but I don't want to talk about it anymore," I said softly as I climbed out of bed so as not to disturb my sister. I pulled on fresh clothes and we went into the kitchen together. My father was sitting at the table drumming his fingers against it, but when he saw me, he stood up and he smiled at me.

"You look better. I guess whatever your mother put into your tea last night, worked," he said.

"Are we ready to go?" I asked. I was feeling impatient and a bit sad. I needed to get out of the house for a couple of hours.

"Oh, you are not going to eat breakfast?" he asked.

"No, I am not hungry. Please father?" I implored.

"Leandra, we will be back in a few hours," he told her as I waited impatiently by the door for him.

"Of you go, Malcolm. Fresh air will do her good," she encouraged.

As soon as we were outside, he slipped his arm around my waist. He had not done that in ages and I was feeling surprised.

"I miss those times I used to take you out into the fields to show you a couple of things, Mari," he explained.

"Before I rebelled? I know and I am sorry about that, but I am not sorry about my two years in the Circle. It was the happiest I had been in years and...Now, I am so unhappy," I explained.

"I know you are, but perhaps what I am about to tell you might make you feel better," he explained.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"If you want to know why Anders has not been writing, read this. It was a letter I received from Irving a few days ago," he replied.

I opened the letter and the only words that caught my eye were _Anders_ and _Solitary Confinement_. There was not much detail, but I understood what he had written. I sighed, scrunching the letter in my hand and I stuffed it into my pocket.

"So?" he asked.

"So what?" I asked. I was coping with mixed feelings. He had obviously attempted to flee the Circle and now he was in Solitary Confinement.

"How do you feel?" he pressed.

"It does not make me feel any better, if that is what you were hoping," I replied.

"Well, at least you know why he hasn't written. They revoke most privileges," he explained.

"Apparently so," I muttered. I clenched my hand around my locket. I needed to feel something of his. I never took off his locket, not even when I washed myself or bathed. I found I could not.

"Alright... Mmm, what more can you tell me of what you learnt?" he asked. He was changing the subject and I was grateful to him. I linked arms with him and we took the path leading into the centre of the village.

"There wasn't really that much for me to learn because you had already taught me everything, but I learnt the value of my gift and I will never squander it again. In any case, I hope not," I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked, concerned.

"The thoughts of blood magic have been swirling around my head," I explained and he swung me around to face him.

"What? Do you really think that is the answer to soothe your pain?" he asked.

"I don't know what else to do to release my pain," I explained softly.

"Marian, what have I taught you?" he asked.

"That it is a dangerous path to take," I replied.

"Exactly and why would you? Marian, are you so deep in your depression that you don't know where to turn?" he asked and I burst into tears. "Oh Mari," he said softly, drawing me into his arms. "I will do what I can, but tell me you aren't considering that path."

"I don't know where I am as it is," I explained and that was the truth.

"Please tell me you haven't harmed yourself during those times you disappear into the fields around Lothering," he said softly.

"No, I haven't harmed myself...yet, but how much longer can I continue like this?" I asked.

"You are a good woman, with an exceptionally good heart and the apple of my eye and no doubt the apple of Anders eye, but Mari, this is not the answer," he said.

"I know, but sometimes I feel so alone. I do not know which way to turn. I am walking along a thin line. I could slip either way without much thought," I explained.

"What would Anders think, I wonder," he commented.

"He would be furious. He despises that school. He would probably reprimand me and then he would probably embrace me and tell me he loves me," I replied.

"Mmm, then keep that in mind if you find yourself thinking along this lines. I certainly do not want to lose you to Blood Magic. I didn't bring two mages into this world for that to happen," he said and I felt myself smiling.

"I don't think I will, but sometimes I wonder, but then again, is it really worth it? We are already feared and hated as it is, and I would not want us to leave Lothering because of me. This is home and it has been for many years," I said.

"I know. Your mother was pregnant at the time with the twins. We have been here for eleven going on for twelve years. The longest we have stayed in any one place, but that is the beauty of Ferelden. Mages here have a bit more freedom than anywhere else in Thedas and I would not want to uproot the family," he explained.

"Are we there yet?" I asked. We were nearing the outskirts of Lothering and I was eager to see the puppies.

"Just over there, Mari," he replied, pointing to a small house just outside the village. I could hear dogs barking and I quickened my pace.

I got there before he caught up to me and I quickly followed the sounds of barking. I found a man at the back of the house and he appeared to be feeding the puppies. I warily approached him just as my father reached for my hand.

"Slow down, Mari. They aren't going anywhere," he teased.

"I know, but I am excited," I explained. The man turned around and he was smiling.

"Serah Hawke, what can I do for you?" he asked.

"Are they still for sale?" he replied.

"No, I decided to rather give them away. Are you interested?" he asked.

"Yes, I am. I would like one for my daughter. She is going through a difficult time at the moment," he replied. I rolled my eyes and I glared at him, but he did not appear to notice. I quietly opened the gate where the puppies were playing and they came running towards me, but one in particular caught my eye. It was silver grey with red markings around it's eyes. It was a beautiful puppy and I wanted him, but Mabaris had to choose their owner. I sat down, they all jumped around me, and for the first time since my return from the Circle, I was happy. I kept on shooting glances at the grey Mabari. Eventually, he warily approached me. He was not as friendly as the others were, but here he was sniffing my shoes. I decided to allow him to continue. He was sniffing my legs now and he kept on giving playful barks and nips occasionally. The others had gone back to their playing, except for this one. He was on my lap, licking my facing and I knew he had chosen me. I just had to wait for the moment when he would imprint himself onto me.

"Father," I called, catching his eye and he was smiling at me.

"Watch him," he said. The puppy placed his paw on my cheek and he licked my nose. I felt something stir - a connection or something and I knew.

"Mabari," I whispered and he gave a happy bark, well it was more of a playful whine than anything else was.

"Father, he chose me." I could not contain my excitement, so I stood up, holding him securely in my arms.

"He is beautiful," the owner said. "He is yours," he continued and I smiled at him.

"Thank you, Ser," I said softly. I put Mabari back onto the ground and he ran circles around me.

"Marian, look at that," my father said and I burst into tears.

"Thank you," I said as I flew into his arms.

"It is the least I can do. If he can bring you some happiness then I am happy," he said softly.

"It will help, but it won't get rid of my deep sadness," I murmured.

"I know and as soon as we arrive home, I am writing to Irving and I am going to insist that they release Anders into my care," he said and my heart flip-flopped.

"Don't get my hopes up," I said quietly. I felt something touch my leg and I looked down. Mabari was looking at me and he was whining.

"Come here," I said softly as I stepped away from my father. He barked around me and I smiled. I was feeling better, but my ache was only a need Anders could fill. I got the sudden urge to write in my journal and I wanted to go home with my puppy and get him settled.

My father seemed to realise what I wanted, so he quickly gave his thanks and said his goodbyes.

"Talk to me, Marian," he encouraged as we strolled through the village with Mabari running ahead of us. Every once in a while, he would look back as if to ensure I was still there.

"I...I will be fine. I just want some time to myself," I said.

"I know, but what do think about our new addition?" he asked.

"He is beautiful," I replied. Mabari came running towards me, wagging his tail and this warmed my heart. I felt some peace knowing that I could love him and he would return my affections.

"Well, I think the children will be pleased. You will have to train him, you know," he said.

"I know. At least that gives me an excuse to spend more time out in the fields," I said.

"That is true, but train him in the field next to our home," he suggested and I agreed. I knew after telling him about my thoughts on Blood Magic that he would want to keep a close eye on me.

o0o

The twins came running out of the house as soon as they saw me coming up the path with Mabari at my heel. I noticed Carver scowling and he went back to the porch. I sighed. I could not believe he was so resentful of me. As for Bethany, she warily approached Mabari and to her delight, he licked her outstretched hand.

"Slimy," she commented and I burst out laughing.

"What do you expect, Sis?" I asked and she laughed at me.

"I guess I can't expect anything less," she replied, wiping her hand against her pinafore. "What is his name?" she asked.

"Mabari," I replied. I noticed my mother coming out onto the porch and I went to her. I slipped my arms around her.

"What is it, Mari?" she asked softly.

"I miss him," I replied.

"Mmm, I know you do, but you seem a bit happier. Was your father right in getting you a puppy?" she enquired, rubbing my back.

"It won't get rid of it completely. Only Anders can do that," I replied.

"Well, come inside with me and I will give you something to drink," she suggested.

"I would like that," I said as she gently pushed me away, but I reached for her hand. I needed my mother's reassurance.

"Oh Marian, that bad today? I honestly thought you were feeling so much better, but I guess this is going to take it's time," she said, leading me into the house.

"Sit down and you can introduce me to your dog. What is his name?" she asked.

"Mabari. He is beautiful. What do you think?" I asked. Mabari came running in and he sniffed my mother's shoes. She was delighted and I smiled to myself.

"At least he makes you happy," I commented. Mabari sat by my feet and he looked at me. His eyes were silver grey like his coat. I petted him and he barked happily. He settled by my feet and he went to sleep.

"He is beautiful. You must look after him. Mabari hounds are very faithful to their owners," she explained.

"Well, I don't like him," Carver muttered as he sat opposite me.

"Carver, please don't start on me. I am not in the mood for your nonsense," I said and he looked away from me.

"I want something to," he explained.

"Not this again?" Bethany asked, seating herself next to me.

"You shut up, Beth," he said just as my father walked in.

"Carver, that is unacceptable. Please apologise," he said firmly.

"No, not this time. Why should I?" he asked, scowling and my father's face turned red. I reached for my sister's hand and we entwined fingers. It comforted me knowing she was close by. I briefly wondered what it would be like if she were a bit older, but that thought disappeared as quickly as it came.

"Because I told you, otherwise go to your room," he replied.

"I'm sorry, Beth," he spat out. He got up and he went into his room, sulking.

"Don't worry. I am used to it," she commented and I burst out laughing.

"I am sure you are by now," I teased.

"Mmm, not really, but I try not let it worry me. He is not to blame for what we are and he is not to blame for what he is," she explained. Once again, her maturity struck me.

"When did you grow up?" I asked and she started laughing.

"I don't know. Maybe I have watched your sadness for too long. I do not know. Maybe it is a _mage thing_," she replied. I leaned back in chair, thinking. If I remember, I was much the same as her when I was her age.

"Maybe it is a _mage thing_," I teased.

"Here you go," my mother said, placing two cups of tea on the table. "It is a _mage thing_," she put in and that was too much. I started laughing again and I realised how good it felt. I laughed harder until the tears streamed down my face, but then _he_ appeared in my mind and those happy tears turned into tears of sadness.

"I...I'm sorry," I whispered, pulling myself out my chair, but Bethany reached for my hand.

"Sit," she said softly and the concern in her eyes touched me deeply. If anything, I cried harder and she wrapped her arms around me.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

I caught Malcolm's eye and I sighed. He was just as concerned as I was about Marian and what was also surprising was how close she was to Bethany. I did not know if I should be concerned considering her mental well-being. I beckoned to Malcolm and we quietly went into the living room.

"Leandra love, before you say anything, she admitted to me that she has thought about resorting to Blood Magic to ease her pain. I feel this is reason enough for me to insist that Irving release Anders into my care. She also told me that she feels she is walking a very thin line," he explained. I collapsed into the nearest chair, feeling more than a bit shocked.

"Is she that bad?" I asked.

"She is fragile, Leandra. You saw her a moment ago. She was laughing and she appeared relaxed and then she cries. I do not know if there is something else on the go, but I cannot watch this for much longer. I have to help her," he explained.

"We did not raise her only to have her slip her away from us, Malcolm. I cannot stand watching her suffer. She is so deep into her depression...I...I don't know what to do," I said and I started crying. I went to my husband and he embraced me.

"I know. I cannot believe she is thinking about Blood Magic. I did not reprimand her or anything when she told me. I just listened. I feel that Anders is the only one who can help her. I also told her that he was in Solitary Confinement. That did not even help, if anything, she became upset," he explained.

"Of course she is upset by it. How can she not be?" I asked. "For the Maker' sakes, she is only eighteen," I continued.

"Mmm, well she will be turning nineteen in a couple of months," he reminded me.

"I know. Love, please do your best. If we can get him here before then, it would be a relief," I said.

"I am going to write to him now and I am going to make an emphatic plea before she breaks," he whispered. "But for now," he murmured, gently kissing me.

"Mmm, then go and write your letter before I drag you into the privacy of our room," I teased, pulling out of his embrace, but he caught hold of my hands.

"Not yet," he teased, pulling me back into the circle of his arms. I eagerly kissed him, as he ran his hands along the curve of my back. "You are still beautiful," he whispered.

"And you are still full of nonsense," I teased as I gently pushed him away.

"Love," he said and I laughed him.

"Then come with me," I suggested, taking him by his hand and leading him into our room. I was not deterred even though it was the middle of the day and I knew Marian would look after the twins for a couple of hours.


	43. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

**Circle of Magi, Two Months Later**

_**Anders**_

"Anders, Anders," the familiar voice of Cullen called. I was lying on my bed staring up at the ceiling thinking about how much longer Irving intended to keep me here. Five painful, lonely months had passed and it felt as if I was going to lose my mind, but the warmth of Wiggums curled on my chest comforted me and thoughts of Marian swirling around my mind, kept my feet firmly on the ground.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"I am to release you immediately," he explained and I sat up momentarily forgetting about my cat.

"Why? I have only been here for five months," I reminded him.

"Fine, if you want to stay, I won't object, but Irving wants to see you immediately," he replied. I stood up, feeling rather alarmed because why would Irving want to see me? I grabbed my cat unceremoniously by the scruff of his neck and I cradled him to my chest.

"No, I don't want to stay," I told him and he unlocked the door, much to my relief.

"Then hurry up. I don't have all day," he said and I laughed at him.

"Of course you have all day. All you Templars do is sit around and watch the mages," I teased.

"Anders, I am being serious. Irving was very vocal about releasing you when he told Greagoir," he explained and my anxiety only worsened.

"Hold up, Cullen. Please don't tell me this has something to with my Marian?" I asked.

"I know as much as you, Anders," he replied, looking away from and I realised he was hiding something. The last letter I had received from her said something about her slipping and I grabbed his arm.

"Please tell me, Cullen. I know we aren't the best of friends, but please?"

"I can't tell you, Anders. Irving made me swear not to say anything to you," he explained.

"But she is...or was...my fiancée," I blurted out and he stepped back, surprised.

"You proposed to her? You fool, Anders. Do you really think you will marry her?" he asked. I breathed a sigh of relief. She was still alive.

"We will, someday when the world isn't dominated by Templars or the Chantry," I replied.

He scoffed. "I would like to see that happen," he said.

"Please tell me she is alright?" I asked.

"Anders," he said, his face softening. "She is in a bad way. I gathered as much from Irving, but he will tell you all you need to know," he reassured me.

_Bad way? What in the maker's name have you done my love?_

My heart was pounding rather loudly by the time I walked into Irving' office fifteen minutes later. He was sitting at his desk and Wynne was looking out of the window with her arms folded. I noticed a few letters on his desk and I recognised the handwriting of one in particular. It belonged to Marian, but there was also another letter.

"Ah, Anders," he greeted me, indicating to a chair, but being the stubborn man I was, I stood resolutely in front of me with my cat around my neck.

He pulled out a stack of letters from his draw and he placed them onto the table. I realised they were all from Marian and I could not help shooting an annoyed glance at him.

"I think you should sit," he suggested.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because what I am about to tell you is going to anger you or upset you or both," he replied, but I did not move.

Irving sighed. "Wynne, if you please," he said.

"Do as he says, Anders," she said firmly, but she was also concerned and so was he. I gave a resigned sigh and I sat down. I folded my arms and I waited for him to continue.

"Please read this letter," he said softly. I took it from him and I reluctantly opened it. It was not from her, but from her father. It said:

_Dear Irving,_

_I would like to request and I must insist that you release Anders into my care immediately. Marian is not...coping. She spends most of her time on her own and it has worsened considerably over the last couple of months. _

_She is hardly sleeping and she weeps all the time. It has become so bad that she has spoken about resorting to Blood Magic to ease her pain. Her Mother and I are extremely concerned about her and we feel - as her parents - that you must release Anders into my care. It would be in her best interests to heed my request._

_Regards_

_Malcolm_

I tossed the letter onto the table in disgust and I glared at them, but before I could say anything, he gave me another letter - this time it was from her. It said:

_Dear Andy_

_Please come home soon. I need you desperately. I am not well and I have not been for the last five or is it six months - I cannot be sure. Love, please I beg you. I cannot go on like this for much longer._

_Yours,_

_Marian_

My heart broke after reading it and I started sobbing. "You see what you have done?" I blurted out, furiously wiping away my tears. "How could you allow this to continue? Read it, Irving. She is going to have a break down and I blame you if that happens. I am going to her and you are not going to stop me this time," I informed them.

"Anders, calm down. We have made arrangements for you to leave this afternoon. Your bags are packed and everything. All you have to do is walk out of here," Wynne informed me. I was too shocked to say anything.

"And you won't be followed. I have made sure of that," he put in.

"But what about Greagoir?" I asked.

"Leave him to me. Cullen has offered to take you across the lake and from there you are free. You are free because I am releasing you and remember that this will always be your home should you ever feel the need to return or things don't work out with Marian," he replied.

"Can I take my cat with me?" I asked.

"Of course you can," he replied. "And Anders, when you find her, please look after her. I did not think she would react this way, but you clearly share something profound and I hope the Maker will keep you together," he said softly.

"Irving, we have a connection we don't understand. I love her and she loves me. We are nothing without the other. The last few months have been extremely difficult for me. I...I just hope she will want me when I find her," I said softly.

"Do you know where she is?" he asked.

"She lives in Lothering," I replied.

"That is three days journey from here. I am sure there will be a carriage by the Inn," he informed me.

"Well, I think I should go. Every minute counts. I must go to her. Thank you for everything. I will never forget the kindness you have done for me," I said as I stood up, holding out my hand towards the elderly man.

"You will always be welcome here, Anders," he said.

I turned to Wynne and I embraced her. "Thank you for always being there for me," I said softly and she laughed.

"Well met, Anders," she said softly and I embraced her again.

o0o

I was standing at the Docks watching Cullen climb back into the boat. He saluted me. "Good luck to you, Anders and please look after her," he called. I waved at him. I hoisted my bag onto my shoulder and I looked out towards the Circle. It had been my home for nearly nine years and it felt so good standing out in the open without Lyrium dust wafting around and the smell of burning dummies. I breathed a sigh of relief and I turned away. It was nearly evening and I noticed a carriage by the Inn. I could not believe I was free and I did a little jig by the lake much to the annoyance of Wiggums. I could hear his mewling protests from my bag.

I approached the driver and he smiled when he saw me.

"Were you expecting me?" I asked.

"Well, yes Master Hawke said that I would be fetching someone of your description from the Inn. He also told me that it was very important that I get you safely to Lothering," he replied.

"He said that?" I asked.

"Yes and he paid well. He said something about his daughter and by the concern in his face, I knew I had to help, so jump in," he replied. I gave the Circle a lingering look and I climbed into the carriage. It was very comfortable and I relaxed slightly, but not completely. I was very anxious about Marian. I did not think she would react so badly to our painful separation and maker help me, I would do anything for her. I felt the carriage jerk slightly and I knew we were on the move. I opened my bag and Wiggums jumped out. He settled on my lap and he went to sleep. The moving carriage lulled me to sleep. It came, but it did not last. I was too concerned about Marian. I petted my cat instead and his purring comforted me, but my anxiety worsened.


	44. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

**Lothering**

_**Anders**_

It was nearly midmorning and I thanked the driver for getting me to Lothering safely. We made remarkably good time. We had only been travelling for two days when I noticed a windmill in the distance. I could barely contain my excitement, so I joined him in the driver' seat. He pointed out various things like the Imperial Highway and I smiled when I recalled Marian telling me about it. When we arrived in the village, I noticed a steeple and I realised it was the Chantry.

"Keep that in your sight, young man and you will come to a small wooden house with a garden full of Andraste's Grace," he informed me and now I was standing at the gate leading up to her home. I was about to open the gate when a young girl with long black hair came running out with a young boy behind her. They both noticed me, and young girl told the young boy something and he went back into the house. I could only assume they were Carver and Bethany.

She shyly approached me and I stepped back because she resembled Marian so strongly. "Hello," she greeted me.

"Hello," I said softly and she blushed. "What is your name?" I asked.

"Bethany and by your light brown hair and light brown eyes, you must be-" she said as she appraised me.

"Anders," I finished for her and I held out my hand towards her.

"Pleased to meet you," she said, shaking my hand. "Marian is not at home at the moment," she informed me and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"In the fields somewhere," she replied.

"Anders," Malcolm called as he came towards me with a young boy and a woman. I knew who she was. She looked like Marian and I smiled warmly at her.

"Malcolm," I greeted him as we shook hands.

"You look worse for wear," he teased.

"I guess being in Solitary Confinement does that to people," I teased.

"And you must be Leandra," I greeted her. I held out my hand, but she opened the gate and she embraced me.

"We meet at last. You are exactly how I pictured you. I...I hope you can help my daughter," she whispered for me alone.

"Does she know I am here?" I asked.

"No, she doesn't know I sent a final plea to Irving or she doesn't care to notice. That is how wrapped up she is herself. So withdrawn and unhappy," Malcolm replied.

I felt a hand tugging mine and I looked down into face that resembled Malcolm. He was a head shorter than I was, but he was very broad across his shoulders.

"You must be Carver," I greeted him.

"Will you be able to help Marian?" he replied. From the adoration in his eyes and the same adoration was in Bethany's eyes, I could only guess that they were very fond of their older sister.

"I hope so. Where is she?" I asked.

"Well, she should be in the field at the back of the house. That is where I saw her a few minutes ago," Malcolm replied taking my bag from me and I heard Wiggums mewling.

"You have a cat?" Bethany asked, opening my bag and he jumped out and scrambled onto her shoulders. She was delighted and she went back into the house.

"You don't mind?" I asked.

"No of course not," Leandra replied. "Go to her, Anders, but bring her home. I will make tea in the mean time," she said. "Come along Carver," she called.

"What do you want me to?" I asked Malcolm.

"Do what you do best - love her, hold her but bring her back, Anders, I beg of you. You will see what I mean when you see her," he replied.

I found my way around their house and I came to a field not too far from their home. I noticed someone standing in the middle of the field. I knew it was Marian, but I wanted to watch from a distance. She appeared to be playing with something because she threw what appeared to be a stick in my direction. I heard a loud bark and a Mabari hound not older than four months came bounding towards me. He was beautiful. What struck me were the red markings around his eyes. He picked up his stick, but he dropped it as soon as he realised I was standing there. He barked loudly, warningly and I stepped away from him. Once he was certain I was not going to come any closer, he picked up his stick and he ran back to her. He barked loudly and she threw the stick in the opposite direction without looking in my direction.

I sighed and I warily followed her as she went running after her hound. I paused when she sat down and she allowed her hound to jump all over her. She started laughing and that warmed my heart, but it was not a happy laugh. It was hollow and this realisation hurt me like nothing else. I threw caution to the winds and I quietly approached her, but I did not get very far, when he started growling.

"What is it boy?" she asked him and my breath caught hearing her voice after so many months. It was still soft and gentle, but it was sad and that tore at my heartstrings. I also noticed how unkempt her hair was. He gave another bark and he came towards me. I did not move. I did not want him to nip me.

"Mabari, what is it?" she asked, turning around and I was not prepared for what I was seeing. She had lost so much weight. She was so very pale and there were dark circles around her eyes. Her eyes that always sparkled - they were lifeless. She stood staring at me in open-mouthed disbelief.

"Andy?" she said softly. I tried to close the distance between us, but her hound was in my way. "Andy?" she whispered and she burst into tears. I pushed past her hound and I closed the distance between us. "Anders," she said softly as I wrapped her in my arms. "Anders," she cried, as we sunk to the grass with her clinging tightly to me.

"I'm here love and I promise that I will never leave your side again," I whispered, rocking her in my arms. She was so thin; I could feel her spine beneath my hands. "What have you done to yourself?" I asked, but she could not answer me. She was weeping and all I could do was hold her securely in my arms.

"Mari love," I whispered, pulling back slightly. I kissed her forehead and I wiped her tears away. "I'm here, my love," I said softly. "Come let us go home," I said as I gently pulled her to her feet, but she refused to let me go. Her hound was still growling at me, but I did not care. I needed to get her home. I needed to take care of her. I wrapped my arms securely around her waist, but I thought better of it - I picked her up and she slipped her arms around my neck.

"My Andy...You are finally here..." she whispered.

"I am here and I love you," I said softly. I whispered words of love to her as we ambled up the path leading to her home. Her hound went ahead of us. As soon as I opened the gate, he ran up the path, barking wildly and her parents came out looking rather concerned.

"She is fine," I reassured them as I pushed past them. I stepped into the living room and the warmth I felt was quite something. It was small, but very comfortable.

"This way," Leandra said as she led me up a short passage. She pushed open a door and I stepped into a room. It was bigger than the room we shared in the Circle and there was a double bed.

"How did you know?" I asked her mother.

"We moved her in here about two weeks ago. This used to be the twin's room, but they are in her old room. We thought it would be better for her. The double bed was her father's idea," she replied. I gently deposited Marian onto the bed and as I tried to move away from, she reached for my hands.

"Please don't leave me," she said softly and I sat next to her.

"I don't intend doing that, but I must unpack my bag and I am sure your mother wants to show me around your home," I said.

"It is your home now Anders," Leandra said softly and I smiled at her.

"Thank you," I said softly. "Mari love, I will be back soon. You lie still for a while," I said and she reluctantly released my hands.

I followed Leandra into the living room and she sat down.

"She is a shadow of what she used to be, Anders," she said, concerned.

"Then I will do what I can to help her. She is so thin, Leandra," I commented.

"I know. She hardly eats and when she does, it is in small helpings. She does not sleep well either. The only times she has slept well is when Bethany sleeps with her. She keeps her calm, such is her gift of magic," she explained.

"That is a rare gift. As I said I will do what I can and I think I should go back to her before she looks for me," I said.

"And I must show you the rest of house," she said as she stood up. She led me up the passage and she showed me the twin's room. They were both playing with my cat.

"And the bathroom is opposite your room. Feel free to bath with her if you wish," she teased.

"I will keep that in mind," I said quietly.

"And discretion is advisable. Especially with two pre-adolescent teens," she said.

"I...I don't think there will be anything like for quite some time," I said, smiling at her.

"Well, I am going to make tea for you two," she said.

"Thank you, that sounds good," I said.

I went back into our room only to find her sprawled across her bed staring up at the ceiling. I sat next to her and she sat up making sure to snuggle into me. I wrapped my arms around and I pulled her onto my lap. I stared into her beautiful face and all I could see was a deep sadness. I touched her cheek, and she actually smiled at me.

"Has it been so bad?" I asked. She slipped her arms around my neck and she leaned against my shoulder. "I've got you," I said softly, caressing her hair. I slowly rocked her and to my surprise, she went to sleep. Her mother came into the room with two cups of tea and she smiled when she noticed Marian fast asleep.

"Thank the Maker. It has been too long since she slept properly," she said as she pushed a cup of tea into my hand. We sat in silence for a long time.

"You know, she loves you deeply, Anders. It has been difficult for us as her parents to watch her... It has been so difficult. We tried everything we could think of to help her, but she kept on saying that she needed you. Her hound was our last attempt to help her. Having a dog to love has helped her. She takes him out into the field every day where she plays with him. She is also training him and he is fiercely protective of her as you have probably noticed," she explained. I looked around the room and he was sleeping in a basket not too far from the bed. She stirred in my arms and she woke up.

"Go to sleep, love," I said softly. She touched my cheek and she went back to sleep. My arms were tiring and I knew I would have to place her onto her bed. She stirred again and I allowed my arms to drop, but she woke up.

"Andy no," she protested.

"Love, you will be more comfortable if you were lying on your bed," I said softly as I helped her onto her bed.

"But-" she complained as I slipped behind her, pulling her against my body.

"Better?" I asked as I smiled at her.

"I love you," she whispered and I kissed her cheek.

"I love more," I teased. She smiled at me and she went back to sleep.

"Anders, why don't you have a bath? You look exhausted," Leandra said.

"I am. Travelling for two days takes a lot out of a person," I said.

"Tell you what, go and have a bath. I will stay here until you come back, unless she wakes up. She might seek you out," she said.

_And I would welcome it_, I thought to myself. To have her in my arms holding her as she deserved.

o0o

I sighed contently allowing myself to relax completely into the bath. It had been years since I had been in house, let alone a bath. I found bubble soap and I was soaking in the soft bubbles. I flicked a bubble off my arm and I watched it float away, then it popped in midair. I sighed again, closing my eyes and allowed myself to doze off.

I was nearly asleep when I heard someone come into the bathroom and I opened my eyes only to see Marian's light blue ones peering down at me. She studied me for a moment and I thought she was going to kiss me, but she came around, lightly touching my shoulders as she went and she seated herself on the edge of the bath.

"You really need to sleep," I teased as I gently touched her cheek. She caught hold of my hand, entwining our fingers.

"There is something I need to tell you," she barely whispered.

"What is it?" I asked, concerned. She was holding back her tears and I did not quite understand why.

"During my first month at home, I...I," she trailed away. My heart was beating uncomfortably for maker knows what reason.

"You can tell me anything," I encouraged.

"Promise me you won't be upset or angry with me," she said softly.

"Love, spit it out," I encouraged as I gently caressed her hand.

"I kissed another man," she replied and her face filled with sadness.

"So what?" I asked.

"You are not angry with me?" she asked.

"Love, I can understand why you felt the need, but did it go further?" I asked.

"No, I pushed him away when I realised he wanted more," she replied.

"Then you have nothing to worry about," I said and she appeared relieved.

"Join me love," I encouraged.

She reluctantly released my hand and I watched her undress herself. She was far thinner than I initially thought, but she was still extremely attractive. She stood in front of me only in her underclothes. She appeared uncertain, almost shy and I simply had to smile at her.

"Love, you know me or have you forgotten?" I teased and she actually blushed much to my amusement.

"It has been a long time, Andy," she pointed out.

"Mmm, I know. Would you like me to help you?" I asked and if it was possible, she blushed even more.

"No, I can manage," she replied as she slowly removed her bra band. Her underclothes followed next and I held my hand towards her. As she climbed into the bath, I noticed she was wearing the locket I gave to her.

"You still wear it?" I asked.

"I...I don't take it off, Andy. I can't," she replied.

I settled myself once again and she settled herself against me. I reached for her hands that were resting on the flat of her stomach and I squeezed them. She looked up at me with her blue eyes.

"How are you feeling now?" I asked, moving my hands ever so gently across her stomach. "You are not sure?" I asked after a while. "Mmm, I can help you with that," I teased. She was still watching me as if she was seeing me for the first time. "Let me help you, "I whispered, lowering my lips to her. I was anticipating our kiss. It had been too long since we had been together, but I knew she was not yet ready to make love. "Or would you like more time?" I asked, pausing inches from her lips.

"No, I don't want more time, Andy, please?" she asked and with that, I kissed her. I made sure to keep it gentle, tender because I did now want to rush her into anything even though I was craving her intimacy and by the way she was pressing herself against me, she was also craving what I could only give to her. Our kiss quickly deepened as our tongues started a dance they seemed to remember more than either of us did. I drank into her sweetness and I started feeling light-headed. I clamped my hands firmly around her wrists and I pulled her as close as I could.

"Andy, I have missed you," she whispered as we broke off to breathe. My heart was pounding loudly in my ears and her heart was beating fast under my arms.

"Love, there were many nights where I lay awake thinking about you in that small cell on a makeshift bed. You could not really call it a bed, "I said softly without any humor.

"What did you think about?" she asked, freeing herself from my hands. She stretched herself out as she slipped her arms around my neck.

"Oh many things, but what I missed the most was holding you in my arms," I replied. "I missed feeling your body against mine and your skin, still as soft as ever, but you are far too thin," I murmured, kissing her forehead. She angled towards me, smiling and I kissed her again. I swirled my tongue into her mouth eliciting a low moan from her and I felt the familiar ache building up.

"Mmm, enough for the moment," I teased and she smiled at me.

"It is enough that you are here," she said. I grabbed a cloth and I pushed her forward slightly so that I could wash her back. I gently massaged her shoulders. I was very surprised at the tension I could feel beneath my hands. I drew on my mana while I continued massaging her and the muscles loosened. She wiggled her shoulders and she glanced at me, smiling.

"Sweet maker, I have forgotten what it feels like, but that does feel better," she said softly.

"My magic touch," I teased, tracing kisses along her shoulder and she let out a contented sigh. I wrapped my arms around, pulling her back to lie against my chest. I reached for her hands, entwining our figures.

"What was it like in Solitary Confinement?" she asked.

"Well, it was lonely for the most part, except for a ginger cat that befriended me. I call him Wiggums," I replied.

"You have a cat?" she asked, laughing and the sound warmed my heart.

"Yes and I brought him with me. Bethany and Carver are playing with him," I replied.

"Wiggums?" she asked.

"Yes, I liked the name," I replied. I nuzzled her neck and she moved restlessly in my arms. "Mmm, when you are much stronger, we will, I promise," I whispered.

"I know, but I have wanted this for so long. I want to be in your arms, Andy," she murmured.

"And you are," I reminded her and she started laughing again.

"What else can you tell me about your time in Solitary Confinement?" she asked, gently disentangling herself out of my arms and she turned around to face me.

"You are still beautiful," I teased, gently caressing her cheeks. There was a bit of colour in them, be it because of our close proximity or the heat of the water, I did not know, but I was pleased.

"There is really nothing more to tell you. It was very lonely and Wiggums and thoughts of you kept me firmly on the ground," I continued. She was smiling at me and it reached her eyes. I felt the air between us change and I pushed her back against the bath, not caring that the water was splashing out. She slipped her arms around my neck and she played with my hair.

"It is longer than I remember," she murmured, threading her fingers through my hair.

"Well, I have been in a cell so I have not had a chance to...neaten it," I explained.

"I...I like it, Andy," she whispered, pulling me towards her. I lowered my lips to hers and I kissed her, teasingly and passionately."Anders," she murmured and to my surprise, I felt warm tears run down her cheeks.

"Love, it is alright," I said softly as I pulled her against my chest and I fell back against the bath with her wrapped securely in my arms. I stroked her hair, saying nothing. She needed time and I was going to give it to her.


	45. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

_**Marian**_

"Love, what would you like to do for the afternoon?" Anders asked while he dried my back. We had climbed out of the bath after my mother wanted to know if everything was all right and she also wanted to know why we taking so long. I told her we would be out shortly. I was feeling much better now that he was here with me. I felt...lighter and happier.

"We could go for a walk around the village if you want to know or we could go to the inn. I believe they have the occasional dance," I replied.

"What I would give to dance with you again, my love," he teased. He came around, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"A dance we would no doubt enjoy," I teased, tracing my fingers along his chest. He was still muscular, but he was also thin.

"Did they feed you while you were in Solitary Confinement?" I asked.

"Yes, I received three meals a day," he replied.

"You have lost some weight, Andy," I said, concerned and he placed his hands on my hips, pulling me closer.

"That is only because I missed you just as much as you missed me, but you are far too thin love," he said softly.

"I...I know," I murmured, lowering my hands to my sides.

"No love, please don't do that," he murmured, reaching for my hands and bringing them to his lips. "I know the last six months have been extremely difficult for you, but I intend making it up to you. I would have come sooner, if it were not for my impulsive decision to flee the Circle a month after you left," he explained.

I raised my eyebrows. "What did you do?" I asked, amused.

"Well," he replied, wrapping the towel around me and he wrapped a towel around his waist. He slipped his arm around me and we stepped into the passage only to see Bethany walking out of her room with a cat on her shoulder.

"Is that Wiggums?" I asked and Bethany turned around. She looked at us and her blue eyes rested on Anders. She started blushing and she turned around, slamming the bedroom door behind. I caught Anders eye and we burst out laughing.

"Love, I should have been more discreet," he said softly as we stepped into our room.

"It is not that, love. She has never seen another man's body apart from her brother's," I explained.

"It doesn't matter. Next time I will get dressed in the bathroom. I don't want to annoy your mother," he said.

"Andy, she won't be annoyed," I reassured him as I opened my wardrobe. I found my comfortable clothes and I quickly dressed myself. I turned around only to find him lounging on the bed, fully clothed and holding his mother's pillow.

"You still have it," he said with a smile.

"I keep it close and because it reminds me of you," I explained and he smiled at me. I went to him and I reached for his hand, pulling him to his feet. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and he embraced me.

"I love you, Mari," he whispered.

"I love you and I am so glad you are here. I am feeling much better already and you have only been here for a couple of hours," I said and he tightened his arms around me.

"Mmm, I can see you are feeling better. You have some colour in your cheeks and that is a start. Now all we have to do is get some meat onto your bones," he teased and I started laughing.

"I am not that thin," I said.

"I know. Now let us go and join your family," he said.

"Follow me, love," I teased, slipping my hand into his warm one and I sighed. "You are still so warm," I said as he opened the bedroom door. He slipped his arm around my waist and we sauntered down the passage and into the living room.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

"Malcolm, look," I said quietly as soon as I saw my daughter and Anders. She was glowing and so was he. We were waiting for them to join us and I was just about to go and call them, but here they were. I stood up and went to them.

"You look so much better. Tell me your secret, Anders," I teased and he smiled at me.

"No secret, Leandra. I am what she needs, but she still has a long way to go," he said quietly, pulling her closer. She laughed and he kissed her cheek.

"Mmm, I trust you both enjoyed your bath?" I asked.

"Mother really," she said softly, smiling at me. "And yes we did enjoy our bath, but did Beth tell you what happened when we...emerged?" she asked.

"Yes, but you tell me what happened," I replied.

"She was very embarrassed when she saw Anders only with a towel around his waist," she explained.

"Leandra, it won't happen again," he said and I laughed at him.

"Don't worry about it, Anders. She is young. I cannot expect her to react in any other way," I reassured him.

"And besides, please sit down and we can chat. I will go and make more tea," I suggested.

"I would like that, thank you," Anders said and they both sat down. She held tightly to his hand as if she couldn't bear the thought of letting him go and for a fleeting moment, I wondered what would happen if they were kept apart again, but I quickly pushed the thought to the back of my mind.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

"So, would care to tell us how you attempted to flee the Circle?" my father asked Anders. I glanced at him because I wanted to know as well. Both children were sitting on the floor, playing with Wiggums and they both looked up. Bethany glanced at Anders and she quickly looked away from him, but not before, I noticed her red cheeks.

"Well," Anders said, placing his hand on my upper thigh and I covered his hand with my. The gentle pressure of his hand on my thigh was enough to make nerves tingle.

"Karl - one of the teachers - wanted to have a lesson outside the walls of the Circle to demonstrate his skill with the Elemental School of Magic. I had also read a letter Marian sent to me. I was anxious about her and I felt I needed to get to her somehow, so I caused a distraction - I tried to at least - by releasing bolts of electricity into the air while Greagoir was threatening me. I did not get very far when two Templars caught hold of my arms, keeping me firmly in place. I was also angry and I tried to fight back, but it did not work. I was brought to the First Enchanter and as for the rest, you know what happened," he explained.

"So it was impulsive on your part?" my father asked.

"Yes...and...No. I did have a plan, but reading that letter - it upset me," he explained. "But I am here now and that is what is important. I know I have been released into your care and I am grateful to you. I will not let you down," he explained.

"You will have to earn your keep as well, Anders," he said.

"I know. What do you have in mind?" he asked.

"But Father, he has only just got here. I...I need some time with him. Please?" I asked and my tears fell unchecked. "You can't...Father, please?"

"Mari, he has to earn his keep. He can help around the village. He can heal the sick and infirm," he pointed out and I stood up.

"I don't care what he can do. I need him. I need him," I whispered, crumpling to the floor. My Mother came running in and she was by my side so quickly, but it was not what I wanted.

"Anders," I whispered and he was by my side wrapping his arms securely around me.

"He is right, love. I have to earn my keep and that would be a challenge for me. I have always wanted to help others and if I can, I will. You must try to understand," he said softly.

"But I need you. Please?" I implored.

"Mari, I don't expect him to start so quickly. He first has to settle down and find his feet. Perhaps he can get to know the villagers...And I need you to recover as well and once you feel you can cope, and then he can start," my father reassured me.

"I am going to bring you some tea, Mari. Anders, would please help her up?" my mother asked and before I could think, I felt strong arms lift me.

"I think you need to lie down for a while," he suggested.

"No, I will be fine. I just need you," I explained. He led me to our vacated chair and we sat down. He slipped his arm around me and I snuggled into him.

"Mari, have you considered earning your keep as well?" My father asked.

"No, I've never thought about it, but we are mages. Anders is the only one who has permission to live outside the Circle. You and me are apostates," I replied.

"And we are not harming anyone. If anything, the villagers' need a healer and he is a natural," he pointed out.

"Love, you can always help me. You are also quite good at healing," Anders said, but I was no longer listening. I was too intent on tracing circles on his chest.

"Are you even listening to me?" he asked, bringing my hand to his lips.

"Not really," I replied.

"We should go for that walk. I would like to see the village," he said.

"Oh no, you aren't going anywhere until you have your tea," my mother said as she placed two cups of tea on the table next to us.

"Thank you, Leandra," Anders said, giving a cup to me. Our fingers touched briefly and I felt a spark of electricity shoot up my arm.

"Anders," I murmured and he laughed softly.

"Yes, Mari?" he asked and he did it again. By now, I was feeling more than a bit flustered and my parents were watching us. I took my cup from him and with that, he promptly placed his hand my thigh.

"Do you intend going out this evening?" My mother asked. I glanced at him and he was smiling about something.

"He wants to see the village and after that, I don't know. It is up to him," I replied.

"Love, a walk is enough and I would like to go to bed early," he said.

"Are you sure you don't want to go the inn for a couple of drinks?" I asked and he gave me an amused smile.

"Love, by drinks, I mean ciders," I said and he laughed at me.

"I would love to go to the inn with you, but not tonight and besides, I-" he said and gave him a knowing smile.

"I see," I said, reaching for his hand where we entwined our fingers.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

"Are you ready for our walk, Andy?" she asked me. We had just finished our second cup of tea and I was restless.

"I am, let's go," I replied as I got to my feet.

"I have to take Mabari with me. You don't mind?" she asked and he barked at her.

"I don't mind, love as long he doesn't come between you and me," I teased, reaching for her hands and pulling her to her feet.

"Why would he? He is a dog," she teased and he whined disapprovingly.

"Mabari, you are my good boy, aren't you?" she asked, petting him and he barked happily. He ran to the front door, wagging his tail and he waited for us.

"Mother, Father, we will see you later," she informed them.

"What time can we expect you to come home?" Leandra asked.

"Um...I don't know. We might still decide to go to _Danes Refuge_ for supper, that is if he doesn't mind," she replied.

"I don't mind as long as I get some time with you, love," I teased.

"Mmm, then it is settled. You will see us when you see us and stop frowning. He will look after me," she said.

"I don't doubt that, but please try to be at home before midnight," she said and we smiled at her.

"I think we might be home before then," I reassured her and for no reason tears ran down my cheeks. Marian noticed and she squeezed my hand.

"Talk to me," she said softly.

"This is my home now. Your home has become my home. It has been years since I called anything _home_," I explained, trying to wipe my eyes, but she caught hold of my hands and pressed them against her chest.

"This is your home, Andy. This is where you belong. Now let us go for our walk before you have me in tears," she said.

"Mmm, we wouldn't want that now would we?" I asked as I embraced her. "Maker, this does feel good," I whispered for her alone. "And there is more where that came from," I continued and she laughed.

"Come. Let me show you around Lothering before it gets too dark," she said and Mabari barked as if to say, _"hurry up"_ and I laughed.

"Your hound is getting impatient," I teased as we broke apart and she laughed.

"No, he just wants to go out and play, don't you boy?" she asked and he barked.

"Love, let's go," I said, pulling her towards the door.

"See you later you two and stay safe," Malcolm called and I smiled inwardly.

"Please don't worry, Ser. I will look after," I reassured him and he waved us away.

o0o

We stepped out into the early evening air and I took a deep breath of fresh air. It was much better than the stuffiness of the Circle. I stepped out onto the grass and I kicked of my shoes, much to Marian's amusement.

"How long has it been?" she asked as she seated herself on the stairs.

"Far too long, my love," I replied, pressing my toes into the grass. "Maker, this feels so bloody good," I continued and she smiled at me. Mabari was by the gate waiting for us but it looked as if Marian had no intention of moving.

"What about our walk?" I asked, seating myself next to her.

"We are still going, love, but you tell me when you ready," she replied, smiling and I cupped her face.

"I am ready," I murmured, leaning towards her but before I could think, she pressed her lips firmly against mine, sliding her tongue into my mouth and I wrapped my arms around her. Our kiss deepened into something else entirely and I simply had to feel her skin against my hands. I broke off the kiss long enough to slide my hands under her blouse. She slipped her arms around me nearly knocking me back against the porch railings.

"Love, please slow down. We have all the time in the world for this," I said softly, gently pushing her away. She looked away from me.

"Love?" I said as I gently turned her towards me. I could tell by the way she was shaking that she was upset and my heart went out to her. "Mari love, please listen to me," I said softly. "We have the rest of our lives ahead of us. There is no need for us to rush into anything."

"But-" she murmured as I kissed her forehead.

"I love you, Marian and if anything I want to spend every minute with you and we can start by going for a walk," I suggested.

"Anders, I would really like that, but it has been so long since we made love. I...I miss it," she explained.

"Love, we have the whole night. Let us see where it will lead us," I teased as I pulled her to her feet. "Mmm, it is getting dark, love. I don't think you can show me around the village now, but if you would like to, we could go to _Danes Refuge_," I suggested and she smiled at me. She slipped her hand into mine and we strolled slowly to the Inn with Mabari close by her side.

"Here we go," she said, opening the door for us and we stepped inside. "Our humble Inn," she continued as I surveyed the room. It was small, but cosy and it smelled of ale. Something I had not smelled in years. Near our home on the Bannorn, there was an Inn and it always smelled like ale.

"Andy, come on," she encouraged as she dragged me further into the room. There were few people the same age as us having a few drinks and a man with short black hair and green eyes came towards us.

"Shit, why is he here?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Love, he is a Templar recruit," she explained and I became tense.

"He won't try to arrest us? Because if he does, it won't end well," I said.

"No, he won't," she said, but I was not convinced. I had learnt at a very young age not to be too trusting of Templars. I instinctively pulled her closer and she wrapped both her arms around my waist.

"Hello Marian. It's been a while and you look terrible," he greeted her.

"What do you want, Aaron?" she asked and I suddenly realised that this man standing in front of me was the one who kissed my Marian.

"And who is this?" he asked.

I held out my hand and he took it, but I gave his hand a hard squeeze. "I am Anders. I am Marian's-" I trailed away, catching her eye.

"Aaron, he is my fiancé. I have told you this once before," she said quietly. He dropped my hand and I wrapped my arms possessively around her.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Anders," he said.

"Really? Because the way you just dropped my hand, tells me you are less than thrilled," I commented and his eyes flickered with something. I hit a nerve.

"Hardly, but I am glad we have finally met. She does appear happier and I can only assume it is because you are here and I can assume that you come from the Circle. How did you get here? Did you escape or what?" he asked.

"I don't see how that concerns you," I said politely, tightening my arms around her.

"It might interest you to know that he was granted permission by the First Enchanter and Knight-Commander to leave the Circle," she explained. "And he is a competent healer, so before you say anything else, keep that in mind. We are not all dangerous as most people, including you, think," she continued. "Now if you will excuse us, we came here to spend some time together and I don't need the likes of you interfering," she said and I nearly laughed. She was extremely attractive when she was hotheaded about something, but she nudged me in my ribs and I quickly straightened my face.

"Yes, she is right, Aaron. We are to spend time together, so if you will excuse us," I said, gently pulling her away. "It was a pleasure meeting you and just a fair warning - if you attempt to touch her or anything like that, you will be sorry," I said.

"You don't need to feel threatened, Anders. Yes, we kissed once, but she pushed me away. She only wants you... It has always been you and I think it always will be you," he said softly, holding out his hand towards me. "I don't want us to enemies, Anders," he continued.

"Fine, I will shake your hand, but remember that I am only doing so because it is what she wants," I informed him. Marian was looking at me expectantly and I was not about to let her down.

"Excellent. I hope you will both enjoy your evening. I need to get back to the Chantry for the late service," he said. "Perhaps you should come one evening and listen to the chant. It is lovely and peaceful," he suggested.

"Um... We will keep that in mind," I said.

"And Marian, please take care," he said and without a backward glance, he left.

"Love, why don't we sit down?" I suggested. She glanced at me and she led me to a table in the furthest corner of the inn. I sat down taking her with me and she snuggled next to me. I noticed a barmaid standing next to the table. She had red hair and blue eyes.

"What would you like to drink?" she asked.

"Two ciders, if you please and thank you," I replied.

"Right away and just so you know, my name is Leliana," she informed us.

"It is a pleasure, Leliana," I greeted her and Marian smiled at her.

"I've seen you here many times," she said.

"Ah, yes, I have seen you as well, but you seem happier. I...I don't mean to pry," she said quietly.

"Well, I am happier because the man I love is sitting next to me after six long months of separation," Marian explained.

"And I am Marian Hawke and this is Anders," she said.

"Well met. I will bring your drinks shortly," she informed us, turning away and she went to the bar.

"That is Barlin, Andy. He owns this place and if we feel we need more privacy, we can always spend the night in one of the rooms. I hear they are quite comfortable," she teased.

"Mari love, please don't shock me," I teased, but I was also secretly pleased.

"And why are you looking at me like that?" she asked.

"Because you are so beautiful, love and more so when you are angry," I teased and she swatted me on arm.

"You just want something from me. Don't be surprised if I come knocking," she teased.

"Love, you won't have to because we will be in the same room," I reminded her.

"Now it is my turn to be shocked," she teased, reaching for my hand.

"Don't be, my love, don't me," I said quietly drawing her right against my body.

"Mmm, I could stay this way for the rest of the evening," she murmured, glancing up at me. I lifted her chin and I kissed her.

"So could I, but here are our drinks," I said, taking mine from Leliana. "To us, love, to you," I murmured.

"And for many more evenings to come," she said quietly.

"So, what do you think of my family thus far?" she asked.

"Well, they make me feel at home. I still cannot believe your father convinced Irving to release me into his care. I will always be grateful for that," I replied.

"Love, he wrote numerous times, but the last time he wrote, I was in a bad way. I was not sleeping and I was not eating. I felt as if I was going to slip away," she explained.

"And you wanted to turn to the forbidden arts," I said warily because I did not know how she was going to react.

"It was so tempting, Andy. The pain I was feeling and the loneliness. I was tempted a few times, but I always held back and that was because I only saw you," she explained.

"Love, you do know that there is a better way? The forbidden art is not the answer," I said softly.

"I know and I am sorry for ever thinking about it in the first place. I only hope to learn from this. I am stronger than I give myself credit and I need to remember that," she said.

"Excuse me, would you like something to eat?" Leliana asked.

"Andy?" she asked.

"Um...Yes. What do you have?" I enquired.

"We have chicken and vegetables on the menu. It is our special for the day," she replied.

"Um, yes that will be fine thank you," Marian said.

"Are you sure you want to eat now?" I asked.

"I am a bit hungry and if I don't finish eat, you can always have what is left," she replied.

"I think your siblings are sweet, but there is something about Carver...He is almost unfriendly. Why is that?" I asked.

"He resents Bethany and I for being mages and he resents us because our Father spends a lot of time with us...Well, not me so much, but he spends a lot of time with Bethany," she replied. "And he wants a real sword, Anders. He is only eleven and he wants a real sword. He is very good at swordplay. I think he will grow up to be a fine warrior someday," she explained.

"And your sister?" I asked.

"She is...quite mature for her age. She spent many nights with me trying to ease my pain with her calming magic. I honestly don't know how she does it and it is a rare gift," she replied.

"I honestly did not think that the gift of magic could be passed between siblings," I said.

"Well, it runs deeply on both my parent's sides of the family...Imagine if we have a child, Andy. It will probably be like you and me," she said.

"If we are fortunate to have one when we are bit older, that is," I teased.

"Mmm...I guess so and look, our food is here," she said as Leliana placed two plates on the table.

"Enjoy and let me know if there is anything else," she said.

o0o

"That was the best meal I have had in a long time," I commented as we stumbled onto the porch of her home. It was nearly 10pm and I wanted to go to bed, but by the way she was hanging onto me and making suggestive comments, she clearly wanted more than to sleep. We also tried out some of their ale and it went straight to our heads, hence us stumbling into her home. The house was silent when we stepped inside. Mabari disappeared into our room and I pulled her into my arms, kissing her as I did so. I turned her around and I pushed her against the door, pressing my lips against hers.

"Andy," she whispered, slipping her arms around my neck as I unbuttoned her blouse. Her scent was making my head spin. She smelled like Andraste's Grace. It was a sweet smell, but extremely pleasant to me and I wanted more of her. I pressed my lips against hers, sliding my tongue into her mouth, eliciting a soft moan from her.

"I...I don't think I can wait," I murmured, pulling away to breath. She was trembling in my arms and she was flushed.

"Then take me, but can we go to our room?" she asked breathlessly.

"Mmm, that would be better. A comfortable bed...Yes, I think so," I replied, taking her by her hands and we stumbled our way into our room. I tripped over a chair and she burst out laughing.

"I think we have had far too much to drink," she teased.

"No, we are only enjoying ourselves," I said as I tried to straighten the chair, but she pulled me into her arms and she kissed me.

"And I am never drinking ale again, Anders. My head is spinning wildly," she teased as we collapsed onto her bed.

"Mmm, we will see about that or perhaps your head is spinning wildly because of me," I teased, settling myself in her arms. I cupped her face and I studied her. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were shining brightly. I brushed her fringe back and I massaged her cheeks.

"Still as beautiful as ever," I murmured, lowering my lips to hers once again.

"Andy," she murmured as our lips met and our kiss quickly deepened. I ran my hands along her arms, to her legs and she sighed. I reached the waistband of her pants and I tugged them off her hips, exposing her thighs. I ran my hand along her thigh and her skin was still as soft and silky as I remembered. I broke off the kiss to look at her and her eyes were half-closed.

"You can't fall asleep on me," I murmured, kissing her forehead.

"Love, I won't. I have forgotten how good it feels to be in your arms," she explained, opening her eyes and they were sparkling.

"There is more to come, I promise," I teased. "But we must first take off these," I continued, pointing to our clothes and she started laughing. It was so joyful and happy. I simply had to kiss her again, much to her delight. I moved away from her mouth, tracing gentle kisses along her jawline to the hollow of her neck. I could feel the gentle beating of her pulse under my lips and I suckled. She arched towards me, eliciting a long moan and it only encouraged me.

"Andy, sweet maker," she murmured.

"An _Anders Mark_ for you, love," I teased, slowly unbuttoning her blouse while keeping eye contact with her.

"Mmm, I should leave my mark on you," she teased.

I laughed. "You are welcome to. I don't mind, but that is if I will allow you to," I teased, pulling her up and I pushed her blouse off her shoulders, and I tossed it onto the floor next to the bed. I was about to remove her bra when she stayed my hand.

"It is my turn. Love, please?" she asked with hands poised on my shirt.

"But love-" I said quietly and before I realised it, she slipped her arms around my neck and she kissed me. I fell back on the pillows, much to her delight and she straddled me. "Love," I murmured, gripping her hips. It was pleasant feeling her body atop mine.

"And I still have my shirt on," I reminded her.

She laughed. "Take it off, please?" she asked.

"I would if you would allow me to," I teased and she smacked me playfully on my arm. "Love," I teased as I tried to grab her hands, but she slid gracefully off me and she stretched herself next to me. "Mmm," I mumbled, watching her from the corner of my eye. I quickly removed my shirt and for good measure, I removed my pants.

"Now it is your turn," I teased, resting my hands on her pants and she gave me a naughty smile. I took this as her consent to take them off and they joined our clothes on the floor. I clambered onto her, much to her delight and I settled myself in her arms again.

"Where were we? I need a reminder," I said and she slipped her arms around my neck, pulling me closer.

"Somewhere here," she replied as she kissed me.

"I...I remember now," I murmured, allowing our kiss to deepen. We relentlessly explored each other as our hands wandered and to my surprise, she slipped her hands into my shorts and she pulled me closer as she wrapped her legs around my waist.

"Love" I moaned. My emotions were spinning wildly due to our extremely close proximity. "Mari," I murmured as she pushed my shorts off my hips and I groaned. I wanted to feel her. "Love," I murmured as I pushed off her underwear and her bra band followed next. I tossed them onto the pile of growing clothes next to the bed.

"Love," I murmured, running my hands down her sides, to her hips. "At last I can feel you," I continued.

"It has been too long," she whispered, running her hands along my back. "Mmm, you are still so warm," she continued.

"As are you," I murmured, allowing our lips to meet in another powerful kiss. I felt her wrap her legs around my waist and she moaned as I pressed myself into her.

"Andy please," she moaned, gripping my shoulders.

"Just a moment," I said as I moved her hands to my waist to enable me to grip the headboard. "Look at me," I murmured and our eyes locked. She pulled me closer as I readied myself. "Are you ready?" I asked. I was barely keeping control. She slipped her arms around my neck asking me to kiss her. As I did so, I gently eased myself into her.

"Anders," she murmured and she started crying.

"Oh love, what is it?" I asked, lowering myself onto her.

"It is all of this. I was losing hope, Andy. I was really losing hope that I would never see you again. I barely managed over the last six months...and-" she said and I kissed her. I reached for her hands and brought them to my lips.

"I know it has been difficult for you, but maker knows, I thought about you constantly and I worried about you as well, but I am here now and I am not going anywhere," I said softly. The tears were running freely and I cupped her face, gently wiping her tears away with my thumbs. "No more tears, Mari love," I murmured as I leaned towards her with intention of kissing her on the cheek, when she turned towards me and I kissed her full on her mouth.

I kept a slow, gentle pace and I could feel her muscles tightening around me, drawing me in as deeply as she could. "Andy," she moaned, gripping my shoulders tightly as I found her sweet spot and she clenched me so tightly, I moaned. I pressed my lips against hers, needing to taste her. I increased our pace and she matched me stroke for stroke. I was floating on the clouds and so was she, so deep we were in the throes of passion. As far as we were concerned, nothing else mattered except for our joyous reunion after being apart for so many months.


	46. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 46

**Author's Note**

Hi Everyone...

You will be pleased to find that I have submitted the remaining chapters of Forever and Always Volume I. I would also like to let you all know that I will be resubmitting from Chapter 14 through to Chapter 45 because I have made quite a few changes and I have toned down on certain themes. I still have a lot of work to do, but I thought you would all enjoy reading the rest of my story.

I would also like you read my new story _**Healing**_** Carver**. If you would like to know more than please read Chapters One and Two...I will be submitting more chapters in the very near future.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 46<strong>

_**Leandra**_

"Love, do you think I should take them some tea?" I ask Malcolm. It is nearly 7am and they have not emerged from their room yet. Bethany and Carver are on the floor playing with Wiggums while Mabari looks on. Sometime during the night, she let him out of her room. I found him sleeping with Carver, much to his delight.

"Shouldn't we allow them their privacy? And did you hear them come in last night?" he asks.

I laugh. "I did, love and they sounded very happy and a bit drunk," I reply.

"You think so? They sounded more than a bit happy and drunk to me," he says. "Mmm, are we doing the right thing by allowing them to share the same room?" he asks.

"Love, she is going to be nineteen soon and we must find out from Anders when he will be turning twenty-one. We will have to celebrate," I say.

"I am sure she will enjoy planning his birthday, but what are we going to do about hers?" he asks. "Mmm, and that reminds me, I need to ask Anders something," he continues.

I frown. "What do you want to ask him?" I ask.

"If he wants to propose to her. I know he has already asked her, but perhaps he would like to propose properly," he replies.

"Then we should discuss it with him, but what about a ring, love? He does not have the gold to purchase one for her," I point out.

Malcolm leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. "I can help him there, Leandra. We do have our savings and besides, when he starts helping the villagers...," he trails away, becoming thoughtful.

"What is it?" I ask

"Nothing, I will have to speak to him about it," he replies.

"Well, let him come to you, love, but you still haven't answered my question: _Should I bring them tea_?" I ask.

"Are they even awake? They have been awfully quiet," he says.

"I don't know, but I think I am going to bring them some tea. I think they will probably appreciate it," I reply, standing up.

"Are you two quiet happy playing with the cat?" I ask the twins.

"We are, but when is Marian going to wake up?" Bethany asks.

"I don't know, but can you both listen to me for a minute?" I ask and they give me their full attention.

"Mari has her friend here now. He will be staying with us and you are to understand that they are both going to want to spend time together, so if she goes out with him, please don't be upset. You both know how sad and unhappy she has been," I explain. "But don't think that she has forgotten you - she hasn't," I continue. I can see they are both upset. Bethany is frowning and Carver is scowling as usual.

"You really should smile more often, Carver," I suggest.

"Why should I?" he defiantly asks and I sigh.

"I would be careful at how you speak to your Mother, my boy," Malcolm warns.

"I...I am sorry, Mommy," he whispers. He looks away and continues playing with Wiggums. I catch my husband's eye and he is frowning.

"Well, I am going to make some tea for them. I just hope they are awake when I knock on their door," I say, standing up.

"Let us hope they are only cuddling, love. We don't want them to feel less than comfortable," he says.

o0o

_I knock on_ their bedroom door while I am holding two cups of tea. I don't hear anything, so I quietly open the door and I step into their bedroom. He is lying behind her, whispering maker knows what to her and she is smiling as if there is no tomorrow. I cannot help feeling a certain amount of joy because she has not smiled like that in months. As I watch, he kisses her.

"I love you, Mari," he says softly.

"I love you more," she returns and he kisses her forehead.

I clear my throat. "I apologise for disturbing you," I murmur as I smile at them.

"Mmm, we heard you come in, Mother," she teases.

I am surprised about this, but I quickly recover. "It does not matter. All that matters is that you are smiling again and that is enough for me. Anders, how do you do it?" I enquire as I set the cups on the table.

"You made us tea?" she asks.

"Yes. I think you might enjoy it especially after your evening out," I reply. "How did it go?"

She grins at me. "It went well. We went to the inn and we had something to eat. We...We also...tried out some of their ale," she replies and he laughs at her

"Anders, hush," she says but he laughs even more.

"Fine, have it your way then. We had a couple of ales, Mother and we both come away feel more than light-headed," she explains.

I laugh. "Mari, you are too honest. You don't have to feel the need to tell me everything," I remind her. "But tell me, how is the ale? I've heard it is the best this side of Ferelden."

"It is...strong, but pleasant," she replies.

"And you, Anders? You have been rather quiet," I say.

"She bumped into Aaron as soon as we arrived. It did not please me, Leandra. I learnt at a young age not to be too trusting of Templars," he replies.

"Marian?" I ask.

"It is true, but he...was friendly. Mother, you must try to understand why Andy feels like this about Templars...I know why he does and I do not blame him. Perhaps if he tells you, you will understand," she replies.

"Andy love would you like to tell her?" she asks. His eyes flicker with something and he looks away from her. "Andy, it is alright. Please love?" she asks him and to my surprise, he starts sobbing.

"What happened? Did I say something?" I ask, concerned.

"No...Um...Love can I tell her?" she asks. I move to his side of the bed and he is clinging tightly to Marian.

"Anders, please look at me," I murmur. He raises his eyes and I nearly smile because he has the most beautiful pair of light brown eyes I have ever seen, but they are full of pain. "You don't have to say anything to me, but when you are ready, I will listen. You are part of our family now and I would like you to feel as if you are part of our family," I murmur and if anything, he sobs harder. I catch her eye and she is obviously very concerned about him. I feel confused because I do not know what is upsetting him so much. I sit next to him and I catch Marian's eye. She nods and she moves back onto the pillows.

"Love, no," he hoarsely whispers as he reaches out to her. She catches hold of his hand and she nods.

"Come here, Anders," I murmur as I embrace him.

"What happened?" I ask, but he is too upset to say anything. "When you feel you are ready, you can tell me," I say. I can feel him taking a few deep breaths and all this time, he does not let go of my daughter's hand.

"I was twelve when the Templars came for me. They pulled me away from my Mother's skirts and they clamped my wrists in chains. I loved my Mother, Leandra, and I have not heard from her since then," he says.

I catch Mari's eyes and they are full of compassion and love for this man I am trying to soothe. She reaches out and touches him on the shoulder. I release him and they embrace each other. All the while the tea I specially made for them remains forgotten.

"I think I will give you some privacy, but I would like it if you joined us for breakfast," I suggest.

"Thank you, mother and thank you for bringing us tea. We will join you as soon as he is ready," she says.

I head to the door and I glance at them. She is holding him against her chest, cradling him while she speaks to him. I only assume she is trying to soothe him. I turn away and I head out into the passage, thinking about their special relationship. I am smiling by the time I return to the living room. The children are sitting with their father and he is reading to them.

"Ah, I wondered when I would see you," Malcolm teases. "So, how did it go?" he asks.

"Um...Well...He is a gentle soul, Malcolm," I reply and I repeat what Anders' told me.

"He needs a mother, Malcolm," I murmur.

"Mmm, don't we all?" he asks, smiling.

"She really does love him, Malcolm. They definitely have a deep connection to each other, but I think I am going to make some breakfast."

"I won't be long," I reassure them. They smile sweetly at me.

"Daddy?" asks Carver.

"Don't worry, son. I am going to continue reading to you," he says and both children smiles at him. I head into the kitchen thinking about how much they love their father and they love their sister just as much.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

"Let it out, love," I murmur to Anders, cradling his head against my chest. I was surprised when my Mother embraced him, but I am also grateful. If anything, he needs a mother and she would be there for him. I lift his face and his cheeks are moist with tears, but his sobs are slowly subsiding. I stare into his eyes and I see the sparkle slowly returning. He starts blushing the longer I stare at him and I start laughing.

"If you stare at me for much longer, I might boil away into nothing," he teases.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"She reminds me of my own mother wherever she may be," he replies.

"And I don't think you will boil away into nothing, Andy," I tease as I cup his face. I lean closer and kiss him.

"Love," he murmurs, deepening our kiss.

"You still haven't answered my question," I remind him.

"Mmm, what did you ask me?" he asks, grinning at me.

"How are you feeling?" I reply.

"I am...happy and last night-" he replies.

"It was the best, Andy and thank you. We should do it again sometime," I suggest.

"We will, but I think they said something about a dance coming up next month," he says.

"We must go and show off," I tease.

"We must practise, love. How long has it been since we danced together and I don't mean a dance of an intimate nature," he teases.

"Sweet maker, Anders, I know what you mean, but if you would like we could have another intimate dance now if you want to," I suggest.

He kisses my nose and then he kisses me full on the mouth. "Maybe later after all you must still show me around Lothering and we also have to take Mabari for a walk," he reminds me.

"What is the time anyway?" I ask just as my mother opens the door and peers in at us, looking very amused.

"What is taking you so long? Breakfast is ready, you two," she reminds us and we started laughing.

"I think we should get up," I suggest.

"After you, my love," he teases, but he does not move and I cannot move.

"Love, if you would kindly allow me to get up," I murmur.

"Wait a moment," he says softly, kissing me gently and it quickly deepens into something else entirely.

"Mmm, we really should get up," I murmur and he smiles at me.

"I think so before we go a bit further than kissing," he teases. He gives me another kiss and he slips off the bed. I watch him rummage in his bag for fresh clothes and I cannot help admiring his body. He is still as strong and sturdy as I remembered him and his thighs are very strong. I visualise skimming my fingers along his thighs and I feel the familiar tightening in my nether regions. I force myself to look away from him because I don't want him to see me looking so flustered.

"Hey you," he softly calls. "When are you going to get up?" he asks as he comes to my side of the bed.

"Go away," I murmur.

"Love, come on. The day awaits us," he teases, gently grabbing my hands.

"Really?" I ask, pulling him onto the bed much to his amusement.

"What do you want from me?" he asks.

"Everything, Anders. I want everything from you," I reply because deep down I want to become his wife and I want him to father my children.

"All in good time, now please get up?" he implores, smiling at me.

"Oh alright, you win," I reply. I stretch myself and I reluctantly climb out of bed. I grab fresh clothes from my wardrobe.

"Anders, you are welcome to pack your clothes in the wardrobe," I suggest.

"I will later. I don't have a lot of clothes," he says.

"We will sort that out for you. Perhaps my mother can help us. I will ask her," I suggest.

"Love, I cannot expect them to buy me clothes. I will have to find a way," he says, slipping his arm around my waist.

"You are part of this family, love and I will ensure that we get some clothes for you," I murmur as he kisses my cheek.

"How have I managed to live without for the past six months is beyond me," he teases.

"You coped better than me," I murmur.

"You would say that wouldn't you? That is not entirely true, Mari. I had to keep my focus on you to keep myself on my toes otherwise I would have gone crazy in that small cell. You have no idea what six months of solitary confinement does to a man," he teases.

"Really? In your case, I can assume you spent most of the time thinking about me and thinking about the unfairness of the situation," I say.

"Well, it is unfair. They have no right, Mari. Who are they to judge?" he asks.

"I agree, but you are here now," I remind him as we amble into the kitchen. Everyone is sitting around the table, eating and Mabari is sitting by the door while Wiggums is perched comfortably on Bethany's shoulder.

"I guess my cat has found a new friend," he says sadly.

Bethany grins at him. "I like your cat, Anders..."

"I don't mind, Bethany. He is yours now," he says.

She blushes. "You...You mean it?"

"Of course I do," he replies and I notice Carver scowling.

"Why don't I get anything?" he mutters.

"Carver I hear you are good with swords. Do you think you could show me a few things?" he asks. Carver's face lights up and I roll my eyes.

"Anders, I would think carefully about this. He is very good with swords," my father cautions.

"Well, I think it is only fair, Malcolm. So how about it, Carver?" he asks.

"I can show you if you want," he replies.

"Excellent. Maybe this afternoon after I've spent some time with Mari," he says.

"Fine, later then," he grudgingly murmurs..

I catch Anders eye as we sit. "Now you have done it," I whisper.

"Not really, but we will see," he whispers back.

"Whatever suits you, love," I tease, placing my hand on his thigh. He shifts slightly, but he doesn't push me away, instead he grasps my hand, entwining our fingers.

"Would you like some tea?" my mother asks, placing two plates of food in front of us.

"Yes please and we will drink it this time," I reply.

"Anders, when you have a spare moment, I would like to speak to you about something," my father says and I look at him questionably.

"Yes Ser. Of course," Anders says.

"Anders, you may call me Malcolm. I don't mind," he suggests.

"Thank you, Malcolm," he says politely. "What do you want to speak to me about?" he continues.

"You will see," he replies, smiling at him and I am left to wonder about what my father is going to say to him.


	47. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 47

**Chapter 47 **

_**Anders**_

"Thank you, Leandra. That was the best breakfast I have had in a while," I murmur after finishing my second plate. Marian is leaning back in her chair with her hand still resting on my thigh. She has eaten some of her breakfast, but not all of it. She is now drinking her tea. I cover her hand with mine; entwining our fingers once again and I give her a squeeze.

"Father, why do you want to see Anders?" she asks.

"I just want to have a few words with him, Mari. Stop worrying about it," he replies.

"Oh alright then. Anders, are you ready to go?" she asks, placing her empty cup onto the table.

"Yes, but Malcolm would you like to speak to me now? I...I don't know when we will be back," I suggest.

"Yes we can. Come with me," he replies.

"I won't be long, love," I reassure her.

"Fine. I will be outside with Mabari," she says as she stands. "Come on boy, let us go and play," she calls to her hound.

"Carver, Beth, come with me into the living room for a minute and bring your cat along," Leandra calls and they quickly jump up and run into the living room with their mother behind them.

"Finally I have you to myself for a few minutes," Malcolm says, leaning back in his chair.

"What is this about? I don't mean to be rude. I don't quite understand," I murmur.

"First of all, how are you and how is she?" he asks.

"We are happy. I know I only arrived yesterday, but I am happy to be here and I have you to thank for making that possible. As for Mari, she is fine. You can see she is looking a bit better," I reply.

He laughs. "A bit better? She is glowing, Anders. She has not been this happy in months, but that is not why I want to speak to you.".

"Then what?" I ask.

"She will be turning nineteen in a couple of months and I was wondering - I know you have already asked for her hand - but would you like to perhaps propose to her again and give her a ring?" he asks.

I lean back in my chair feeling surprised. "I...I don't have the sovereigns, Malcolm and yes, I would like to do it properly, but are you sure about this? We might not be able to marry," I murmur.

"That is what I thought when her Mother and I got engaged, but we found a Chantry Priestess to conduct the ceremony. I am sure you won't have a problem," he replies.

"I would like to marry her. She is everything to me. I love her," I murmur.

"Then you have my blessing and her mother's. I can help with the ring unless you have something else in mind?" he asks. I look out of the window and she is watching me.

"Are there any merchant stalls nearby?" I ask.

"We do have a few merchant stalls, but perhaps you should consider going to _Denerim_ to have a look there," he suggests.

"But that is far away," I state.

"Does it really matter? You will be with her and you can stay at the _Gnawed Noble Tavern_," he suggests.

"I don't have the sovereigns," I murmur.

"Leandra and I have discussed it and we will assist you," he says.

"You would do that for Mari and me?" I ask.

"Yes we would and that is because we love her. We saw what the separation did to her. We spent many nights trying to think of ways to help and, Anders, some nights she would wake up screaming - that is how deep her pain was and all we could do was comfort her," he explains.

"She is sensitive, Malcolm. The build up to her Harrowing also kept her awake on most nights. By the time she did her Harrowing, she was pale and she had dark circles around her eyes, much like what I saw when I saw her yesterday. She slept well last night, though," I murmur and I smile to myself. We spent most of the night making love, but he doesn't need to know that.

"I know she is, but anyway, that is my suggestion. Think about it and if you would like to go to _Denerim_, then speak to me and we can discuss it with her. I think you should go. She is getting impatient," he says. I look at the window and she is knocking on it.

"Thank you and we will see you later," I say, standing up.

"Have fun," he says.

"What is that about?" she asks as soon as I step outside. She slips her hand into mind and she whistles for her hound. He is busy digging a hole in the garden.

"So what? Is he burying things now?" I ask.

"No, he smelled something, Anders, and I let him be. I know my hound - if he sets his mind on anything, I cannot stop him," she explains and he bounds towards us with his tongue lolling out.

"What did my father want?" she asks.

"Well, he suggested we go to _Denerim_ for a few days. Just you and me," I reply and she smiles at me.

"I have not been there in months. Why does he want us to go?" she asks.

"Well, he feels it would be good for us," I reply.

"Andy, then I can get you some clothes," she enthusiastically says and I grin at her.

"And perhaps we can get you some clothes as well," I tease.

"Don't you like what I wear?" she asks, frowning. I step away from her and I appraise her.

"You know, I would really like to see you in a dress," I tease.

Andy, I don't wear dresses or skirts for that matter," she protests.

"I am only teasing," I say, but by her expression, she is pleased about my suggestion.

"Perhaps I will still see you in one," I tease, slipping my arm around her waist. "Where to, my love?" I ask.

"Would you like to see the windmill?" she asks.

"Lothering's landmark? Yes I think I would like that," I reply. I take in my surroundings and most homes are wooden homes. There are quite a few villagers going about their daily business. "What about the Chantry?" I ask as we pass it.

"Would you like to go in?" she asks.

"Mmm, not today. I am not really the religious type," I reply.

"Nor am I, but I like to hear the Chant of Light sometime," she says.

"Later perhaps," I suggest. We are now in the centre of the village and it is very busy. "Would you like to look at anything?" I suggest.

"Um...Is there anything you would like to look at?" she asks.

"Not really, but could we look at the clothing stall and is there a jewellery stall?" I ask.

"Yes, but why do you want to look at the jewellery stall?" she asks.

"Love it is your birthday soon and I would like to get something for you," I reply.

"You don't have to, Anders. You are what matters the most," she says.

"Can we have a look anyway?" I ask.

"I don't mind," she replies, leading me to the stalls. They are in the centre of the village. We come to the stall and I allow her to browse. I notice a gold ring with a blue stone in the middle and as I reach out to have a look, she picks it up.

"It's pretty," she comments.

"May I have a look?" I ask. I am brimming with excitement. If anything, this would be perfect for her. I study it carefully. It is very pretty and the stone is the same colour blue as her eyes. "Do you like it?" I ask.

"I do, but I honestly cannot expect you to buy it for me. It will cost a fortune," she says softly.

"Love, I know but I will make a plan somehow. If you really want it, then I want to buy it for you," I explain.

"No, love. I can't," she says as she takes it from me and puts it back into the box. She turns back to me, holding my hands. "You don't have to, Anders," she says, squeezing my hands.

"But I would like to," I say quietly. I am already thinking of a way to ask her Father for assistance. "Love please? Your birthday is in a couple of months. I can't let it go by unnoticed," I continue.

"But you don't have any sovereigns," she points out.

"As I said, I will make a plan," I murmur, wrapping my arm around her. "Please?"

"Then I really don't mind, but remember you are what I want," she teases.

"I know that and maker knows, you are all I want," I murmur.

"I love you too, Anders. Are you ready to see the windmill?" she asks, pulling away from me.

"I am," I reply, slipping my arm around her waist and I pull her close. She slips both arms around me and we stroll through the rest of the village. I liked the village. It reminded me of home especially when I notice chickens running around and piles of hay at intervals. Nobody takes much notice of us. We come into an open field and there is the windmill. It is magnificent. It is rotating in the breeze.

"So this is what pumps fresh water to the homes?" I ask.

"Yes, it feeds from the river just over that hill. Come with me and I will show you," she suggests. Mabari is already running ahead of us, but he never strays too far from us.

"How long have you been in Lothering?" I ask.

"I was seven, I think, when we moved here. My Mother was heavily pregnant with the twins at the time. We had been running from village to village trying to stay ahead of the Templars. When we arrived here, we fitted right in. They knew what my father was, of course because a villager was severely injured. No amount of conventional healing helped, so he offered to heal him. That is when the truth of what he was cane out," she explains.

"And you?" I ask.

"They knew about me as well. We did inform the Chantry and the Templars, but because my father proved to be an excellent healer, they realised they needed someone like him to attend to the sick and infirm and then I nearly messed it up with my blatant use of elemental magic," she replies. "And as for the rest, you know," she continues.

"And Bethany is a mage as well. Three mages in one family? That is unheard of," I explain.

"Yes and a resentful preteen," she says.

"Carver?" I ask.

"Yes. He resents us and he acts out. He becomes angry and he sulks, but what can we do about that? My father does not favour one child above the other, but Carver thinks otherwise," she explains.

"Surely he will grow out of it?" I ask.

"No. He has been like this since he was born. He is stubborn and he can be very difficult, but I have tried treating them equally," she replies.

"Yet he is very fond of you," I point out.

She sighs. "I know that and I love them both, but Carver - how can someone keep their emotions bottled up to such an extent?" she asks.

I laugh. "Love, how am I to know? I don't know your brother," I say.

"I am only asking, Anders," she says, pulling away from me.

"Love, no. Please don't leave me here feeling so cold," I murmur as I grab her hands, swinging her around to face me. "What did I say?" I ask when I notice the annoyance in her eyes. "And why are you annoyed with me?" I ask, dropping my hands to fold my arms across my chest.

"I...I am not annoyed, Anders. Just answer my question," she replies.

"I can't, Marian. I don't know why people bottle up their emotions. Perhaps it is jealousy. Perhaps it is anger. Who knows?" I ask.

"He does appear to be jealous of Bethany, especially when my father spends time with her. It is something he has to do. He doesn't want her to follow my lead and he withdraws completely. He sulks, Anders. That is why he reacted the way he did when you told me that she can have Wiggums," she explains, folding her arms. She looks away from me. "Now I have ruined a perfectly good morning with you," she continues.

"Love," she says, looking at me. "I am sorry, Anders. I don't want to fight with you. Just thinking about it, upsets me," she murmurs.

I unfold my arms and I close the distance between us. "Mari, you don't have to apologise and we are not fighting. We are having an adult conversation," I murmur and she smiles.

"That is much better," I murmur as I reach for her hand. "And I can see the river. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to make love in water?" I ask and she chuckles.

"Anders is that what you have in mind?" she asks.

"Well," I reply, bringing her hands to her lips.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

"Anders," I murmur. I feel flustered but he does not seem to notice because he is too intent on kissing my fingers. I cannot believe his suggestion, but the longer I think about it, the more excited I become. I watch him trace kisses up my arm and I tremble.

"Anders, are you...are you-" I murmur when he looks at me.

"Am I what?" he asks as he slips his arms around me, pulling me closer.

"Are we going to the river or not?" I ask and he chuckles.

"Yes we are and then what are we going to do?" he asks.

"Well, I would like to try, if you are willing. I am sure we can find a secluded spot somewhere," I reply.

He looks amused. "Love, I am only teasing and besides aren't we going to throw a stick around for Mabari?" he asks.

"We can, but now I am disappointed," I tease and he kisses my forehead.

"Don't be. We have all the time in the world. I have all the time in the world to make the most intimate love to you," he teases.

"Now you are teasing me. Why are you teasing me?" I ask.

"Because I can," he replies and without much thought, I kiss him. I tease my way into his mouth while he wraps his arms more securely around me.

"Well, it seems you do want something from me," he murmurs as we break apart to breathe.

"Love, I want everything from you and why are you so keen on buying me a ring for my birthday? Is...Is there something you would like to ask me?" I ask.

"I have already asked you and yes, I would like to ask you once again, but I want to give you a ring," he explains.

"But you know I belong to you," I murmur although I am feeling pleased about the idea.

"Love, I would like the world to know that you belong to me," he explains.

"Is that what my father spoke to you about?" I ask.

"Well, it was his suggestion and he is willing to assist me," he explains.

I stare at him, surprised. "He wants to help you? Love, that means we have his blessing and he must know how much it means to me. Love, I cannot believe it."

"I know, but love, there is no hurry and besides why are we here at this minute with a river not too far from us and Mabari is giving me the eye," he teases.

"Mmm, then let's go, Anders," I say and I whistle for my hound. We are not too far from the river and Mabari decides to go for a swim, leaving us to catch up to him.

"He is full of nonsense," I say fondly as I watch him in the river. We sit not too far from the river's edge. I settle in between Anders' legs and he ensures to keep me close by wrapping his arms securely around me.

"He takes after his owner," he teases.

"I'm not full of nonsense, Anders," I say indignantly.

"He does take after you, love," he teases. He nuzzles my neck and I sigh in pleasure when he gently nibbles me on the hollow of my neck. "Mmm," he murmurs, slowly tracing kisses along my jawline and I turn towards him, only to see him smiling at me.

"May I? I ask, returning in his smile as I turn around to face him. I settle myself on his lap.

"What do you have in mind?" he asks. He caresses my cheeks and I tremble.

I slip my arms around his neck and I lean towards him. "We are out with the midmorning sun beating on our backs and I would like to indulge you," I reply. I brush my lips against his for a brief moment and I pull away from him.

"You are teasing me, it seems," he softly says.

"Not really. That was just a taste," I murmur.

"Not for long," he returns. Before I react, he is kissing me and his hands are against my bare flesh, caressing me so gently, my skin breaks out in gooseflesh. Our kiss deepens. I drink into him as I relentlessly explore him. I cannot get enough and I gently push him onto the grass. He looks at me in surprise.

"I'm not used to not being in control," he says quietly.

"Mmm, I am not used to taking control," I return as I kiss him. I can feel his hands on my buttocks and I sigh against his mouth. I can feel his erection beneath me and it excites me. I slowly unbuckle his belt, exposing him and he lets out a relieved sigh.

"Wait," he murmurs before I can do anything else. "Love, here?"

I look away from him. "I...I am sorry. Perhaps not," I reply.

"Love, I don't mind, but we are out in the open," he reminds me.

"Leave it, will you?" I mutter. I feel more than a bit frustrated and it does not help matters that he is smiling at me.

"Mari, I have an idea, that is if you are willing to try something new," he suggests.

I give him an amused smile. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, if you would allow me to...you know," he says as he places his hands on my pants.

"I can take them off...I think I will," I say as I quickly pull them off.

He skims his hands along my thighs drawing on his mana and a spark of electricity shoots through my body.

"Anders," I murmur, drawing a deep breath and he kisses me, pushing me onto the ground as he does so and he settles himself on me. He slowly tugs off my underwear and he presses himself into me, eliciting a low moan from me. He laughs softly as he lowers his lips to mine. After a passionate kiss, he pulls back slightly.

"You look even better today," he murmurs.

"Your magic touch, Andy. It does something to me."

"Mmm, it drives you wild for me," he teases. I enjoy feeling his weight on top of me and I am quite happy to stay like that, but he kisses me again...

_We are slowly_ coming down from the heights of our intense lovemaking a short while ago and I am still trying to catch my breath. He is holding me against his chest and he is whispering sweet nothings to me. I close my eyes revelling in being so close to him and the sound of his heartbeat sounds very comforting to my ears.

"Forever and always," he whispers and I giggle.

"You said that just now," I remind him.

"That is because it is the truth, my love and I cannot wait for the day when you become my wife," he says.

"Mmm, that would be something to celebrate indeed, but will it be possible?" I ask, raising myself slightly to look at him.

"Anything is possible. We just have to find someone who is willing," he replies.

I suddenly become aware that something is amiss and I glance towards the river. There is no sign of Mabari.

"What it is?" he asks.

"My hound - where is he?" I ask and I panic. He has not left my side since I brought him home two months ago.

"He must be here," Anders reassures me.

"But he isn't, Andy. Where is he?" I ask. My heart is thumping loudly. "Andy," I plead.

"Love, please calm down. He cannot be too far away. He was in the river too long ago. Maybe he finds some animal to hunt," he says.

"He never strays, Anders," I mutter as I grab my discarded clothing and I attempt to button my blouse, but my hands are trembling too much. I feel a warm hand on mine. I look up and he is watching me with eyes full of concern.

"Let me assist you," he says softly. I allow him to help me and after that, I head towards the river.

"Mabari! Mabari! Where are you, boy?" I call and I hear a bark not too far from us. I whistle for him and he bounds towards me with something in his mouth. I drop to my knees just as he drops whatever it is and he runs straight into me, licking me all over my face.

"Mari, he has caught something," Anders calls.

"Enough, Mabari. Sit," I command and he whines as he sat in front of me. "Don't you ever run off like that again, Mabari," I say and he gives a sorrowful whine and that is my undoing. "Come here," I say. He holds up his paw and I take it. "That's my boy and why are you chasing rabbits?" I ask and he barks, cocking his head at me.

"Are you done with him?" Anders asks. I look up and he is holding Mabari's kill in his hands. "He didn't have a chance, love," he says sadly. I want to smile because he looks so comical, but I don't because he is not amused

"We...May I bury him?"

I frown. "Anders..."

"What love? Do you think I am being silly?" he asks.

"No...No...Of course I don't think that. If it will make you feel better, we can bury him," I agree. "Or we could toss him into the river."

"Mmm, we could, I suppose, but no," he says.

"How are we going to bury him? We don't have a spade, Anders. I still think the river is a better idea."

"Fine, you win," he says and he goes off looking very dejected. Mabari whines, drawing my attention and he looks in his direction.

"You did it, Mabari. You fix it," I murmur. I follow Anders with Mabari at my heel and when I am at the river's edge, he is still holding the rabbit in his hands.

"Love," I murmur, placing my hand onto his shoulder. He is trembling slightly much to my surprise. _It is just a rabbit_, I think but I remain silent. He finds a piece of wood, he places the rabbit onto it, and he allows it to catch the current. It is out of sight before he finishes washing his hands.

"Do you feel a bit better?" I ask as he turns around.

"I'm sorry. I have always has a soft spot for small animals. That is why I love cats so much," he murmurs.

"Andy, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I understand... Would you like to go home?" I ask.

"Not really, but I did promise to spend time with Carver. I...I don't think I should let him down and love, thank you for earlier," he says softly as he slips his arms around my waist. "I love you, you know," he says.

"I should be thanking you, but it is always a pleasure... I love you..." I murmur.


	48. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

_**Anders**_

I attempt to dodge Carver's incoming attack, but I am not quick enough. His sword hits me squarely in the chest and I stagger backwards. We had been at it for a good half-an-hour and he is giving me a run for my sovereigns, not that I have any. He dances around me, smirking and this only encourages me. I pick up my wooden sword and I charge towards him, but he quickly dodges out of the way and I trip over my feet and I end up sliding into the garden fence.

"Sweet maker," I blurt out as mild pain sweeps through my body. I can only imagine how grazed my arms and legs are going, but I am not going to have a look. I painfully roll onto my back and Carver towers over me, smirking.

"For an eleven year old, you are very strong," I say.

"At least I am good at something that neither of you will ever be good at," he mutters.

"Really?" I ask as I quickly grab his sword and I trip him up. He falls onto my chest, looking very surprised.

"And the first thing a warrior should learn is to never let down your guard. Not even for a second, because that could turn the tables," I inform him. He stands, glaring at me and he stalks off, but not before giving me a dirty look.

"Sore loser," I call and to my surprise he come running towards me holding is sword above his head.

"Shut your mouth, Anders. Just because you have moved in with us, doesn't mean you are part of the family," he says. I stare at him in open-mouthed disbelief. I am too shocked to say anything, but I notice someone coming towards us and I shakily pull myself into the sitting position only to see Malcolm striding towards us.

"That is enough, Carver. You must learn to accept defeat every once in a while," he says firmly. Carver hangs his head and he goes off scowling without saying two words to his father.

"Anders, are you alright?"

"I...I will survive. He is so strong, Malcolm for someone who is so young."

"I know and he has a terrible temper on top of it," he says. "Mmm, I don't think Mari will be pleased to see you in this state."

I try to stand up, but I am aching all over.

"Let me assist you," he says and he pulls me to my feet. I look towards the house and my heart sinks. She is coming towards us and by the way she is holding her shoulders back, she is very upset.

"Now I am in for it," I mutter although I know I have done nothing wrong.

"She might be a bit annoyed at you for tripping Carver the way you did," he says.

"You saw that?" I ask.

"Yes and between you and me, he deserved it," he replies.

"You think so? He is very good. Thank the maker it was only wooden swords," I explain as I tentatively touch my chest. It is throbbing madly and I need someone to examine me.

She stands in front of me with her hands on her hips and I look everywhere, except at her. She is definitely angry or upset or both.

"How could you, Anders? He is only a boy," she says quietly.

"Why don't you have a look at my chest before you go off at me about your brother," I retort. "Look," I continue as I strip off my shirt, exposing my bruised chest. "If anything you should be lecturing..." I faltered. She is staring at me with undeniable shock and if I am not mistaken, a bit of desire in her eyes and I can feel myself smiling.

"Anders, I...I didn't realise..." she says, softening her voice as she tentatively touches my chest.

"No, love, please," I whisper. She lightly ran her fingers across my chest and I feel a slight tingling sensation. I know she is using her mana to ease my pain and maker help me, it is so pleasant. My knees buckle and if Malcolm didn't grab my arms when I did, I would have collapsed to the ground.

"Stop," I murmur, cringing away from her.

"No, you are coming with me," she says, reaching for my hand. I look back at Malcolm and he is shrugging his shoulders.

"Fine, leave me at the mercy of your daughter," I tease and he starts laughing.

"If anything, you probably deserve it," he teases.

I turn back to Mari and my heart rate increases. She is very upset with me and I am enjoying every minute of it. "Why do I deserve this treatment?" I light-heartedly ask. "All I did was play with your brother as he requested and now I am getting the raw end of the deal. It does not seem fair," I continue.

"Just shut up, Anders," she says, but she wants to smile.

"It is my third day here and I am already in trouble," I comment. We step into the living room only to find Carver bragging to his mother and sister about his triumph about besting the mage.

"He went flying into the air and he landed on his back," he says.

"And look what you did to him, Carver?" Mari says and all three of them look at us. When Leandra's eyes rest on my chest, she turns pale and Bethany is as pale as her mother is, but Carver is smirking.

"Are you alright, Anders?" Leandra asks.

"I...I will be," I reply. Mari gives my hand a strong tug and I allow her to lead me away from them and into the privacy of our room. She releases my hand and I made my way to the bed so that I can lie down.

"What is that all about?" I ask.

She laughs. "That is just a ruse to get you away from everyone so that I can heal you," she replies.

I study her for a minute, I notice her flushed cheeks, and her eyes are flashing with annoyance and something else.

"Do you know how attractive I find you when you get so hot-headed?" I ask.

"Mmm, how attractive?" she replies as she slowly come towards me. She is definitely after something by the way she is appraising me.

"Love, before you allow your emotions to get out of hand, please can you heal me? I...I don't have the strength," I say.

"You just want an excuse for me to touch you," she says softly.

"And so what if I am? Please, love?" I ask.

"Very well, but strictly no funny business. You are in no condition for whatever you are thinking about," she says. She climbs onto the bed and she straddled me. She gently places her hand on my chest and she draws on her mana once again...and the pain slowly subsides.

"Remind me to never ever clash swords with Carver again. I am not cut out for melee combat," I comment. I gaze up at her and I touch her cheek. It is so soft and warm. She is still sunburnt from our morning in the sun the other day but she told me she would like to spend another morning or afternoon by the river with me.

"Don't clash swords with him again," she teases.

"Mmm, maybe I will especially if it means getting some tender loving care from you," I tease. I am rubbing her thighs as she heals me and the way she takes a deep breath, I realise she is enjoying my attention.

"I'm still annoyed with you. Don't think you are getting off too...lightly," she says.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that," I tease as I skim my hands along the curve of her back to her shoulders and I pull her towards me.

"Andy, are you sure you are...alright?" she asks.

"I...I-" I stammer. My chest is still throbbing. "I...No," I reply.

"Mmm, just relax. I'm going to see if my father has any Elfroot salve," she says as she slips off me.

"Please don't take too long. My chest is throbbing madly and I would like to spend the remainder of the afternoon with you," I whisper.

"I won't be long, love. Just relax," she says as she gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

I leave him on the bed looking very sorry for himself and any anger I had towards him, disappears. I am going to say a few things to Carver. I head into the living room and my father is already reprimanding him.

"How many times have I told you to be careful, Carver? Anders is a person and you did not have any right to charge him with your sword," he says.

"But, we were only playing," Carver says.

"No, you weren't and you know it. You have a problem with him as you have a problem with Bethany and Marian. If you don't change your attitude, you can say goodbye to ever getting a real sword from me," he says. Carver scowls at him as he stalks off muttering something about how unfair his father is being.

Carver sees me. "I am sorry, Mari."

"I think you should apologise to Anders, but you can do that later. He is still in pain," I inform him and he glares at me.

"Carver," I murmur, but he runs past me into his bedroom and slams the door behind him.

"How is Anders?"My father asks.

"He is sore and his chest is bruised. He is so uncomfortable. Do you have any elfroot salve?" I ask.

"I do," he replies.

"Where is Mother?" I ask.

"I think she and Bethany are in the kitchen making tea," he replies. "So what are you and Anders going to do for the rest of the afternoon?"

"I…I don't know. I have not thought about it. All I know is that he wants to spend the afternoon with me," I reply.

"Maybe you two could go out to the inn this evening if he is up to," he suggests.

"In his state, Father? I think not, although I would like to go out for a couple of hours," I reply.

"Here you go. Ask him and see what he says, Mari," he says.

I can feel myself smile. "Are you trying to get rid of us by any chance?"

"No, I just thought you would like to go out, that is all, but you are free to stay at home," he replies.

"Mari, where are you?" It is Anders and I roll my eyes heavenwards.

"I better go and see to him. Thank you for this," I murmur, holding the bottle of elfroot salve.

"Anytime and, Mari, I don't think you should say anymore to Carver. I will see to him, but he must be more careful," he says.

"I won't say anything. It is not my place, but I am annoyed with him and Anders, but I more annoyed with Carver for hurting him," I explain.

"And why should you be annoyed with Anders? He was only putting Carver on his place by tripping him up as he did," he says.

I sigh. "I shouldn't be annoyed, but I guess Carver learnt a lesson. Well, I hope so,"

"Mari?" Anders calls again.

"I better go before he comes looking for me. I will let you know what we decide to do this evening," I say.

As I am about to go up the passage, my mother and sister come out of the kitchen carrying a tray with steaming cups of tea.

"How is he?" my mother asks and he calls me... again.

"Honestly, does he have no patience?" I ask much to my mother's amusement.

"The joys of looking after someone you love, Mari. It never ends," she teases.

"I don't mind. He looked after me a few times during my stay at the Circle...Well, that is not entirely true, he looked after me from my first day," I explain as I take our cups from her.

"You won't be joining us?" Bethany asks.

"We may, but only after I have seen to him," I reply.

"But-" she says.

"Look I know you want to spend time with us, Beth, but I need to take care of him. Your brother hurt him today with that sword of his," I explain.

"I know. He told me and he seems so proud of himself, but it was wrong what he did to Anders," she explains and much to my amusement, she is blushing.

"How thoughtful of you, Bethany. Thank you." It is Anders. He is leaning against the bedroom door in nothing but his shorts and my sister turns bright red. She looks at me and she disappears into her bedroom. I catch his eye and he smiles at me.

"Have you got the elfroot salve?" he asks.

"I do. Later, mother?" I ask.

"Yes. I need to check on your sister. If I am not mistaken, I think she likes Anders," she says.

"Mari, please?" Anders implores.

"Go on, Mari. I think you have kept him waiting long enough," she says.

I follow Anders back into the room. He stretches himself out on the bed and I place our cups onto the desk. I turn my attention back to him and he is reading my journal. I am horrified. I have written all my thoughts pertaining to our separation as well as my deep pain and loneliness. I turn away from him and I stand by the window, folding my arms. A poem I had written for him was also in my journal. I stare out of the window, deep in thought. I am not ready to say anything to him. I try to keep my tears from falling, but after a few attempts, I fail and the tears come.

"Mari?" he asks and it takes all my strength not to turn around. I don't want him to see me like this, but he slips his arms around me. "Was it that bad our six months apart?" he asks.

"You read it. Why should I explain myself to you?" I ask.

"Love, please don't be like that," he softly says as he tightens his arms around me. "I'm not going anywhere. Now, please can you turn around? Perhaps I can make you feel better," he suggests. I stare resolutely out of the window trying to calm down.

"No?" he asks. When I don't reply, he starts massaging my shoulders. "I think your poem is beautiful..."

I unfold my arms allowing them to drop to my sides. "I...I wrote it for you," I whisper and he slowly turns me around. He lifts my chin forcing me to look at him.

"I...I know," he murmurs. I look up at him and he is smiling. "I love you," he whispers as he kisses me. "Do you feel better?" he asks as he pulls away from me.

I place my hand onto his chest being careful not to hurt him. "I do," I reply as I kiss him. He wraps his arms around me, lifting me slightly.

"Anders," I murmur, reaching for his hand. "You need to lie down for a while so that I can apply this to you," I remind him as I show him the bottle.

"And we must drink our tea," he reminds me. He gives me another kiss and after a while, he releases me. He stretches himself out on the bed with me straddling him and I gently apply the salve to his chest. I also use my mana to heal him.

"Would you like to go out this evening?" I ask.

"Not really, but if you would like to, we can," he replies.

"No. I don't think you up to it and besides what could be better than you and spending some time together?" I ask.

He laughs. "In the room, you mean."

"Maybe," I tease as I apply more salve. "I think that is enough," I say as I close the bottle. I put it onto the table and I stretch out next to him.

"Thank you. That does feel much better than it did a while ago," he says as he allows me to snuggle into his arms.

"So these last few months have been very difficult for you," he states.

"Very, but I would rather not speak about it because I am where I want to be."

"And where is that, exactly?" he teases and I giggle.

"Hush, Anders," I reply, closing my eyes. I am ready to go to sleep for a couple of hours. I feel tired because it has been an emotional few days since his arrival and if anything, I want to stay right where I am and that is in his arms.

"I think I am going to sleep for a couple of hours and I think you should as well," I suggest.

He yawns. "I agree and then let us see how we feel tonight. Perhaps we can still go out," he suggests.

"We will see," I murmur and he laughs.

"See you soon, love," he murmurs, tightening his arms around me and we drift off to sleep in each other's arms.


	49. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 49

**Chapter 49 **

_**Anders**_

I awake a couple of hours later with a warm and familiar weight on me. Marian is still fast asleep and she is half-sprawled across me. I gingerly move myself and my chest gives a slight throb reminding me to take it easy. I need to heal myself, but I don't want to disturb her. _Heal yourself, she will probably enjoy the sensation_, I think to myself. I take a deep breath, allowing my mana to stir and I feel a tingling sensation as it spreads throughout my body.

She stirs slightly. "Andy...what...what are you doing?"

"Hush my love. I am trying to heal myself. I am still sore," I reply.

"Would you like me to help you?" she asks.

"If you would like to, but you can go back to sleep," I reply.

"Mmm, it is a bit too late now," she says, stretching herself and she yawns. "How are you feeling?" she asks.

"Better, but I think a hot bath would help quite a bit and if you would like to, we can go out to the inn for a couple of hours," I suggest.

"Mmm, a bath you say?" she asks as she straddles me. She places her hands onto my chest and I feel the familiar fluttering of her healing magic.

"With you, of course," I reply as I touch her cheek. Her colour is high and that pleases me - at least she is looking much better but as for her emotional state, that is going to take longer to settle down. After reading her journal, I realised how fragile she is and I am determined to help her. I want her to be strong again as I remembered when we first met. As for her poem - I am deeply touched by the depth of her feelings for me. I know I would have to propose to her again and give her a ring. I want her to be a part of my life. I also want her to have a child, but I have not broached the subject with her just yet. We are still young and if anything, I want her to myself for as long as possible.

"What are you so deep in thought about?" she asks, breaking into my reverie.

I brush her fringe back. "I am thinking about us," I reply.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks. If anything, now is the time to mention to her what I want.

"Love, have you ever thought about...having a child?" I ask. She seizes massaging my chest and she reaches for my hand.

"I have and I would want you to be the father," she replies. She brings my hand to her lips and she starts kissing each finger.  
>"But we are still young and if it are to happen, I would be so pleased," she continues. "And I want you to myself, love. I don't want to share you just yet. I...I can't, not after the last six months."<p>

She turns my hand around and she plants a feather light kiss on my palm. "I don't intend sharing you with anyone at all," she continues. Now she is travelling up my arm and I am trying my best to remain in control, but I cannot stop the familiar tightening in my nether regions.

I catch her hands and I pull her onto my chest. I wrap my arms around her before she reacts; I roll with her until I have her trapped firmly beneath me and the bed. She is laughing at me and this only increases my desire for her. "You asked for it," I tease as I kiss her, much to her delight.

"I...did," she agrees as she slips her arms around my neck. She arches herself towards me and I slide my hands under her blouse where I skim my fingers along her stomach. She takes a deep breath and she lets out a long sigh. I move away from her mouth and I trail kisses along her jawline to the hollow of her neck where I give her another _Anders Mark_, much to her amusement.

"Andy," she moans and I move away from her neck, chuckling quietly to myself.

"Yes?" I ask.

"So much for having a bath," she replies.

"Mmm, we can still have a bath, but not right now," I murmur as I slip off her blouse, exposing her soft skin. I look at her relaxed expression and I can't help smiling.

"What?" she asks, eyes crinkling in amusement.

"Nothing," I reply as I kiss her once again. I find my hands wandering to her pants and I slowly peel them off her hips. Once they are off, I toss them to the floor and I continue kissing her. I trail another path of kisses along her chest until I come to her breasts. I catch her eye as I remove her bra exposing her completely and before she realises it, I gently nibble her.

"Nothing? That does not...seem...like...nothing," she says breathlessly.

"Oh alright. I want to make love to you, Mari," I murmur as I stare into her passion-filled eyes.

She laughs. "What are we doing?"

"Well, I am attempting to make love to you," I reply.

"Andy, you are a tease," she teases as we kiss again. I swirl around her mouth delighting in her sweetness - the sweetness of Marian.

"You are so beautiful and you belong to me," I whisper. "And I love you, Mari. I...Love...You."

She smiles at me as she curls her hand around my neck. "You have absolutely no idea how much I love you. I don't want to be separated from you again," she says softly.

"Love, I promise to always be with you and even when I am not, just know that I am not far away," I whisper as I kiss her gently.

"After all I would like to hold your hand and lay you down..." I whisper and she smiles at me.

"I love you," she murmurs.

o0o

"_Anders, please stop_ it," she says quietly. I splash more water at her and she laughs. We are having a bath after our recent intimate moment and we are still basking in the afterglow of making love. Her colour is very high and this only enhances her beautiful blue eyes.

"Love, please don't spoil my fun," I tease.

"I am not. I am going to give you a taste," she teases and she splashes water at me. I shake myself sending droplets of water in all directions and she grins at me.

I settle back against the bath and I beckon to her. She turns around and she settled herself in my arms. I grab a cloth and I squeeze water onto her chest.

"Are we still going out?" she asks.

"We can, but then we will be returning late," I say.

"I know. After spending the afternoon sleeping, I feel as if I can go on all night," she says.

"I know what you mean. I don't feel tired either. The only thing that is worrying me is my chest," I murmur.

"What do you expect after you spent the last hour making the most intimate love to me?" she asks, laughing.

"I suppose I have myself to blame, but you are just as keen, my love," I remind her.

"I know and I am not sorry, but how are you feeling though? Do you...No...Would you like me to heal you again?" she asks.

"No, I will be fine, but I won't say no to you applying elfroot salve," I reply. "Can you move forward a bit?" I ask. I start kneading her shoulders and she sighs.

"I know, I am still tense," she says.

"It will get better, Mari. I promise." I draw on my mana and she relaxes under my hands. She falls back onto my chest and I wrap my arms around her.

"Thank you," she says softly.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

I am in the living room with my children on either side of me, reading to them. Carver is still sulking and as for Bethany - after our little chat - she is feeling much better although she did admit to liking Anders. I told her it is normal for her to feel like this. In all honestly, I think he is quite attractive and when I watch him with Mari, he is always so gentle with her and he never strays too far from her side.

"What are you thinking about, Leandra?" Malcolm asks.

"Where are they? I thought by now they would be sitting with us," I reply.

"Love, they are in the bathroom and by the amount of laughter I heard as I walked past, they were having a lot of fun," he replies.

"But look at the time, Malcolm. I have not seen them since this afternoon. I do know they slept for a couple of hours, but surely by now?" I ask.

"Love, leave them be. They will be here shortly," he reassures me.

"I wonder if they plan on going out tonight," I ask.

"I don't know, love, but I think it would be best if we allowed them to spend as much time together, that is when he is not going to help around the village. I must speak to him about that again and see what his thoughts are," he says.

"It will upset Mari if he is out all day, Malcolm. She needs him unless you intend taking her with you?" I ask.

"Look, I know, but he...actually they both have to start working. We cannot afford them not to work. We have an extra person in the house and we are going to need the sovereigns to put food on the table," he explains.

"I...I know. What do you have in mind?" I ask.

"I don't know. I would like to discuss it with them. He is an excellent healer and she can always assist him, if necessary," he replies.

"Mmm, what about opening a clinic?" I suggest.

"I have thought about that, but again we need the gold," he replies.

"Have you thought about speaking to the Reverend Mother at the Chantry?" I ask.

"Love, I don't know if they will allow it. That would be the best place to start, but...I don't know," he replies.

"Love, I honestly don't think they will turn away an offer to assist with the sick and infirm," I point out.

"Perhaps, I will speak to them but if they do allow it, we will have to charge the villagers even if it is a few silvers. Every cent helps, love and besides if he wants to buy her a ring, we will have to assist him. I know we have discussed this and I would like to help them. How can we not? After what she has been through and what he has been through?" he asks.

"How much gold do we have in our savings?" I ask.

"About five hundred, I think," he replies.

"That is more than enough and besides, if they are both working, then whatever gold they earn, can go back into it," I say.

"That is the idea, love, but we can discuss this another time. I can hear them," he says.

"When can I work, Mommy?" asks Bethany and I laugh.

"Oh Beth, you are still young. When you are old enough, you can work as well," I reply.

"When I am big and strong like Daddy, I am going to join the army," he says.

"You are already big and strong, Carver. You just like to show off as you did so earlier today," Malcolm reminds him.

"I say I am sorry, Daddy," he mutters.

"Son, we have discussed this. You need to apologise to Anders," he says and Carver glares at him.

"I don't like him," he mutters.

"Well, you better get used to having him around, because he is not going anywhere. Not if I can help it," he says. "And here he is. You look so much better, Anders. I trust Mari took great care of you?" he asks.

"Of course I took care of him, Father," Marian says as she steps out from behind him. Anders pulls her into his arms, embracing her.

"We are going to the inn for a few hours. I hope you don't mind," she informs us.

"Mari, when are you going to spend time with your family?" Leandra asks.

"Mother, I am spending time with my family, but we would like to go out," she replies.

"I am only teasing you, Mari. Of course, you can go out. I really don't mind, but try not to drink too much ale," she advises.

"Um...We can't guarantee that, Mother," she says.

"Leandra, I will make sure she doesn't drink too much," Anders says and she nudged him in the ribs.

"Ouch," he murmurs, his face flickering in pain.

"Anders, I am so sorry. I...I forgot. Just stand still," she says and she slips out of his arms. She presses her hands against his chest and she healed him. Anders visibly relaxed and I look away, smiling. I know it is not just her mana; it is her touch as well.

"Carver?" Malcolm called and he grudgingly got up and he approached Anders.

"Anders, I am sorry for hurting you earlier. I did not mean to, but when you are better can we have another round?" he asks.

"Find me a shield, Carver and then I might consider taking you up on your offer," Anders replies.

"Are you scared of me," Carver asks, smirking.

"No, I am not. You must realise that mages are not as strong as warriors are. Find me a shield and then we will see," he replies.

"You are scared of me," he goaded and Anders face flickered with anger and indignation.

"Carver, I think that is enough coming from you," Marian warns.

I catch Malcolm's eye and I sigh. Carver is proving to be less than friendly the older he is becoming and I often wondered where I head wrong. I turn my attention back to them only to find Marian's face flicker in anger.

"Carver that is enough, please?" Malcolm warns.

"Mages are weak," he mutters and now I am getting angry.

"Carver, I am warning you," Malcolm says.

"What is wrong with you, Carver?" Bethany asks. Her face is flickering in pain. I realise she did not understand why her brother is saying things like that.

"Malcolm, please?" I implore.

"Come with me, young man and we are going to have a chat. Anders, Mari, I will see you later," he says as he takes Carver by the hand and he literally dragged him into their bedroom, He slammed the door behind them and I breathe a sigh of relief. I watch Anders as he embraces Marian. I watch in amazement as she moulds herself to his frame. She fits him so well.

"Don't worry about it, love. He is only eleven. He is young. He will learn eventually," he says.

"I doubt he will ever learn. He resents Bethany and I far too much and he resents you. I often wonder if it is jealousy or something like that," she says.

He kisses he forehead. "I think we should go out and get hopelessly drunk," he teases.

"Anders, my mother is right here," she reminds him. He catches my eye and he smiles at me.

"I know and she won't mind," he says and I laugh.

"Go on. Have some fun. Get drunk, but come home in one piece," I tease.

"I love you to, Mother," she says as she slips her arms around his waist.

"I love you both," I tease and the surprise on Anders' face is quite something. I have touched a nerve. He catches my eye and I stand. His face is flickering with emotion.

"Leandra...I don't know what to say, except for this," he says as he embraces me. "Thank you. That means so much," he whispers for me alone.

"I know. You do not need to say anything. Now, off you go," I say, pushing him away. Marian quickly slips her arms around his waist. I laugh because she is clearly very possessive about him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

"Anders, my head is spinning. Can we please sit for a while?" I ask. We have been at the inn for a couple of hours and we have been dancing. A small group of music players has set up their instruments and they are playing Fereldan Folk Songs. This is the first time they have been this far south and we are delighted. We were on the dance floor before anyone else and now I am so thirsty.

"We can and I need a drink. What will you have?" he asks.

"Ale and lots of it," I reply much to his amusement.

"Not too much. I don't want to have to carry you home," he teases.

"Come on love? I haven't has so much fun in a long time," I explain.

"Alright, just one to start off with and then will take it from there," he says as he slips his arm around my waist. We went to the bar.

"Marian, how are you?" Balin asks.

"Thirsty. Can we have two ales please?" I ask.

"Mmm...Why not try some of our mead? It is far better than ale," he suggests.

"Andy?" I ask.

"I don't see why not. Two meads, please," he says. Anders nuzzles my neck causing me to laugh and I am about to swat him on his arm when he kisses me.

"What was that for?" I ask after he breaks our kiss and it leaves me feeling weak at the knees.

"Just a friendly _I love you_," he replies.

"Well, here is your _I love you," _I tease as I as slip my arms around his neck to kiss him.

"Your drinks you two," Balin says, forcing me to break off the kiss with Anders. I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and I turn around only to stare into a pair of emerald green eyes.

"Before you have your drink, may I have this dance?" Aaron asks. I glance back at Anders and he is not amused.

"No thank you," I reply.

"Marian, just one dance that is all I ask," he says. I look uncertainly at Anders and he is frowning.

"Fine, just one dance," I reply as I take his outstretched hand. He curls his hand of over mine and as he is about to lead me to the dance floor, Anders grabs his arm.

"Keep your hands where I can see them," he says quietly.

"Let go of me, Anders," he warns and I touch Anders arm.

"Love, I won't be long. Please relax and perhaps you can find us a quiet table?" I suggest.

"But...Oh alright, but I will be watching," he replies.

"Mmm, he is quite possessive of you, Marian. Doesn't it worry you?" Aaron asks.

"Why should it worry me? He loves me," I explain.

"The possessive ones are the dangerous ones," he points out.

I glare at him. "You don't know the first thing about Anders, Aaron and if the roles are reversed and he went off dancing with another woman, I would be just as possessive."

"Relax. I did not ask you to dance with me so that I can fight with you. I want to know how are feeling? You definitely seem better than a few nights ago," he says.

"Why are you so interested? Why do you even care?" I ask.

"What would it have taken to win your heart, Marian?" he asks.

"Win my heart? What are you talking about?" I ask.

"I like you, Marian and I have for a few years now. I am just sorry I did not make a move before you went to the Circle. I am a fool," he explains.

"Perhaps I should rephrase. How did Anders win your heart?" he asks.

I laugh. "It did not work that way. We won each other's hearts and very quickly. From the first time we met, we connected and we have not looked back since then. I love him, Aaron and someday I will marry him. It will always be him," I explain.

"You asked what it would have taken to win my heart? If you did not hate me or fear me or both, then we might have has a chance, but you chose to ignore my advances, Aaron. You showed no interest whatsoever and now when I joined the Circle, you showed an interest. What changed your mind?" I ask.

"I realise that I am actually in love with you. I am just too stubborn to admit it," he replies. We swayed past the bar and Anders is keeping a close eye on us.

"Aaron," I say as I step away from him. "I love Anders. That will never change. He makes me happy. He is my other half."

"Yet when we kiss, you responded. You wanted more, yet you pulled away," he reminds me.

"That kiss was a mistake, Aaron. It made me realise how much I actually loved Anders and how much I missed him. Do you honestly think it would have been fair on my part to lead you on?" I ask.

"If you had given me a chance, I would have been able to ease some of your sadness," he replies.

"I...I am sorry, but my heart belongs to Anders," I murmur.

"But-" he implores and I touch my finger to his lips.

"You are too late, Aaron. I was keen on you for a long time and you made no move, and when I saw the hatred and fear in your eyes after that incident in the field, I realise that you are not right for me. I need someone to love me unconditionally and you are not prepared to do that. With Anders, things are different. He is the best thing to have happened to me...And I do not need to explain myself to you. I am sorry you feel this way, but nothing you say or do will convince me otherwise and besides, you are a Templar and that makes a big difference," I explain, folding my arms.

"Why? Why should it make a difference?" he asks.

"Because you are taught that mages are dangerous. You are taught that they all turn to blood magic. You are taught that we should be kept away from society and I cannot be with a man who has been taught that because regardless of what Chantry Law says, it is wrong and unjust," I reply.

"But most are dangerous," he quietly says.

"That is the problem. Would you consider me dangerous or a danger to others?" I ask. He shrugs his shoulders, and looks away from me.

"You can't even answer a simple question, Aaron. I am sorry but this conversation is over. I do not hate you, Aaron. I never have and I never will, but you must realise that I love him. I am willing to remain friends with you, but my hearts belongs to Anders," I explain. "Thank you for the dance, but I must excuse myself," I say politely and with that I rejoin Anders.

"So what did he want?" asks Anders.

"He is in love with me, Andy," I reply.

"That is very obvious, but by the redness on your cheeks, you are annoyed about something," he says as he slips his hand into mine. He picks up our tankards and we made our way to a quiet table away from the noise of the inn.

We sit down and he quickly places his hand on my thigh much to my amusement.

"What? Are you laying your claim?" I ask.

"I don't need to. You are already mine," he replies.

"Then you have nothing to worry about," I tease as I pick up my tankard of mead. I am keen to taste it.

"Are you ready?" I ask as he picks up his tankard.

"I am. To you, my love, my sweetheart and one day, wife," he teases.

"Most definitely," I tease as we toast each other.

I take a tentative mouthful and I start coughing. It is so strong. My throat feels as if it is on fire and I gag.

"Maker alive," I mutter. I push it away from me. "I cannot drink that," I hoarsely murmur.

"Then I will have it. It is bloody good," he says.

"Whatever," I mutter as I lean back into my chair. I am not feeling too well. I watch him down his drink and then he move onto my one. He grimaces as he swallows the last mouthful.

"Never again," he mutters as he looks at me. I am feeling rather nauseous and my stomach is churning uncomfortably.

"Mari, you look terrible. One mouthful and you are pale," he comments.

"Thanks...Thanks for stating the obvious. If you are quite finished, I would like to go home now," I say.

"Then come. I have has enough anyway," he says as he stands, reaching for my hands. He pulls me to my feet and he wraps his arms securely around me.

We step out into the cool night and I lurch away from him. I feel worse and I quickly make my way to the back of the inn. I lean against the wall, willing my nausea to go away, but it worsens.

I feel his warm hand on my back and I turn around. "I don't feel well," I whisper.

"Surely it cannot be the mead, love?" he asks.

"I think it is the mead. It was too strong, but look at you - you are fine," I point out.

"I am not fine. I am worried about you," he says indignantly and I burst out laughing.

"I will be fine. I just need to go home, get out of these clothes and go to bed. I will be fine in the morning," I reassure him.

"Then let us go home. Maker knows, I feel the same as you," he says.


	50. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 50

**Chapter 50 **

_**Anders**_

"Anders, have you thought about helping around the village should the need arise?" Malcolm asks. Mari and I are sitting in the kitchen having breakfast. A week has gone by since our evening at the inn and Mari is looking so well and radiant. She is gaining weight and she is no longer pale. We have become very close since my arrival and I never strayed far from her side. I catch her eye and I smile at her and she returns my smile. I reach for her hand and I give it a squeeze.

"I have thought about it, yes and I have decided that I would like to help the villagers. I don't know if Mari ever told you, but she was my first patient. Both Wynne and Irving were quite impressed. I healed her without much thought. My hands knew exactly what to do," I explain.

"I don't recall her mentioning that but her mind is not exactly on anything during your separation," he replies.

"But look at her now, Malcolm. She is glowing and she is looking so beautiful," I fondly say, giving her a hand another squeeze.

"Flatterer," she says, but she is pleased. I can tell by the way her eyes crinkle at the corners.

"It is the truth, love. You are beautiful. Even more so now that there is colour in your cheeks," I tease.

She laughs. "Stop flattering me, love," she teases.

"I love you to, Mari," I tease.

"Alright you two. Are you interested, Ander? Marian, what about you?" he asks.

"Um...We did discuss it the other day and we decided that my place is by his side. So if he is called out to assist someone, I go with him," she replies.

"So is there nothing I can do to separate you even for a short while?" he asks.

"No, there is nothing you can do. I cannot bear the thought of being separated from him. At least not now," she replies.

"Mari, I am only teasing, but then perhaps it is time to consider an engagement and possibly marriage," he says.

"Malcolm that is what I want to ask you. Mari and I would like to go Denerim soon. I have told her your suggestion and she is very pleased about it," I inform him.

"Well, when do you intend going? Her birthday is next month, Anders," he points out.

"We have not discussed that, but-" I say, turning to Marian. "When would you like to go?"

"I...I...don't know. Father, we...we will need sovereigns," she replies.

"We have the sovereigns, Mari. You just need to tell me when you would like to go so that I arrange a carriage," he says.

"Um...Anders?" she asks.

"How soon can you arrange a carriage, Malcolm?" I ask.

"I can arrange one today. Perhaps you can leave late this afternoon. You should arrive tomorrow evening," he replies.

"But I want to spend some time at the river with Bethany and Carver," she reminds him.

"I know you promised them, but if you leave for Denerim today, then you won't be able to. I am sure they will understand and besides, surely you would like to spend a few days with Anders away from home?" he asks. I catch her eye and she smiling.

"I would like that, yes. Fine, we will leave this afternoon. If you will excuse me, I must go and explain to my siblings why I am not taking them to the river today and I must pack. Anders, I will leave you and my father to make the arrangements," she says as she stand up, releasing my hand.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

I stand by the door and I glance back at Anders. He and my father are deep in conversation about this journey and I am less than pleased. I had promised Bethany and Carver that I would take them to the river today to spend some time with them. I turn away from them and I stalk into the living room only to find my Mother chatting to them. When she hears me, she looks up.

"What is it? You look upset about something," she states.

"Upset? I am more than upset. I am annoyed, Mother. Anders and I will be leaving for Denerim this afternoon. Never mind the plans I have made to spend time with the twins," I blurt out.

"What?" she asks.

"You heard me. It is not as if I have a choice in the matter," I explain.

"You shouldn't let them push you around, Mari. You are a strong, independent woman," she says.

"Huh...Independent maybe, but strong? No," I mutter.

"But I am not surprised, Mari. Your Father mentioned it to me last night and regardless of what you may think and feel, he is right. Your birthday is next month after all," she points out.

I look at my siblings and Bethany is the only one who is upset. As for Carver, he is scowling...again.

"Mari, why today? You promised us," Bethany says softly.

"I...I know I did and I am truly sorry. I will make it up to you somehow," I murmur as I kneel in front of them.

"I don't care," Carver mutters.

"That is what you keep on saying, Carver, but you know it is not the truth," I say gently and if anything, he becomes more annoyed.

"What do you know, Sis? I am glad we are not going. I would rather spend time practising my swordplay than spend time with you at the river," he mutters and I stand up. I am angry and I am itching to smack to him.

"Are you finished, Carver?" I ask.

"I don't like you or Anders. Mage this, mage that as if you are only people in the world," he continues.

"What is your problem? Father has already spoken to you about this," I remind him.

"And that is enough from the both of you. I am sick and tired of this. Mari, you are seven years his senior. You should know better than to rise to him. He is only a boy," my mother says quietly.

"A boy who doesn't care about his mage siblings. Let me tell you something, Carver, you won't get very far with an attitude like that," I point out.

"And you are not Father, Mari," he says as he stands, glaring at me.

I sigh. "I am not and I never will be, but you keep in mind that I am older than you."

"What? So you can tell me what to do?" he asks.

"No. All I ask is for some respect," I reply.

"And that is quite enough, Mari," a firm but annoyed voice warns. I turn around and my father is glaring at me with his flashing blue eyes.

"No, it is not enough. I have had it with his attitude and you are not doing anything about it," I say. I am shaking from anger and I am powerless to stop the words coming out of my mouth. "I refuse to listen to this further, Father. I don't see why I should," I continue. I notice Anders peering over my father's shoulders at me and I catch his eye.

"Excuse me, Malcolm," he says politely and my father steps aside, allowing him to pass.

"Mari, let us go for a walk for a while," he suggests, slipping his arm around my waist. "Mmm, you are shaking, love. I think your brother has hit a sore spot with you. Come, let me take you out for a while and you can bring Mabari along."

"What about-" I say.

"We can do that later, but you need to breathe in some fresh air. Come," he says. He drags me out of the house not giving me a chance to whistle for Mabari.

"Wait. Mabari," I call and he bounds out of the kitchen barking. "Walk time, boy. Keep us safe," I order. He barks, and runs on ahead of us.

"You need to calm down, Mari," Anders suggests.

"Calm? How in the maker's name am I supposed to calm down?" I ask.

"I don't know. Maybe this will help," he teases and before I can say anything, he kisses me. "I do love it when you are angry," he murmurs and before I can react, he kisses me again and it is so demanding. I find myself wrapping my arms around him. He skims his hands along the curve of my back and he curls his hands around my buttocks.

"Oh my," I murmur when I feel how demanding he really is.

"You get so red in the face and you blue eyes flash," he murmurs, pulling me closer.

"Mmm, so my being angry increases your desire for me?" I ask.

"Yes," he replies.

"What about when I am not angry? Am I less than desirable?" I ask and he pulls away looking very shocked.

"Love, of course not. In fact, I find you desirable all the time, but when you are angry...I don't know...I...I...Love, feel," he murmurs, grabbing my hand and he presses it against erection. The blood rushes to my cheeks because he is so aroused and we are standing in the garden with Mabari waiting patiently for us by the gate.

I lean towards him and I kiss him while he pulls me flush against his body. "We can always go inside," I murmur.

"Mmm, we could, but," he murmurs. "Is there nowhere else we can go for some privacy?"

"Anywhere else would involve coin we don't really have," I say. "But I do want some privacy with you," I continue.

"Mmm, perhaps we should give the walk a miss and go inside," he suggests.

"No, I don't want to," I murmur as I pull away from him. "I will race you to the river," I tease and I call my hound. Anders and I run to the river with Mabari in the lead. We collapse at the river's edge where we try to catch our breath, but he pulls me onto his lap.

"This is good enough," he murmurs. He kisses me and I find myself eagerly unbuckling his belt. "Mmm," he murmurs. He starts unbuttoning my blouse. "Yes," he murmurs as he slips off my bra exposing my breasts. He lowers his mouth to one and he suckles.

"Anders," I gasp. In between his suckling, he is gently nibbling me and it is driving me wild. I simply have to slip my hand into his pants so that I can please him. He does not stop teasing me...

"Love, enough," he moans, but I ignore him. "Love, wait," he says as he pushes me away.

"What?" I ask as I try to reach for him.

"Just wait a moment," he replies as he slips off my pants.

"I see," I murmur as I lean away from him. He trails warm kisses long my chest, to my midriff. He tugs off my underwear, exposing me and he presses his lips into me. I can feel him tease and taste me, driving me wild with pleasure. I arch myself towards him and he tightens his arms around me. He pulls away as he gently eases his fingers into me and with shocking delight he releases a bolt of electricity into me and I arch violently towards him...

o0o

We saunter back into the house a couple of hours later feeling more than content. We are exhausted and we both felt like sleeping, but alas, we have packing to do. I glance at him and he is deep in thought about something. I look away, laughing. I enjoy it when he is thinking. His eyes become dark and his brow crinkles. I glance at him again and I touch his cheek.

"Don't frown so much, Anders. It spoils the picture," I tease and he grins at me.

"So you find me appealing when I am thinking just as I find you appealing when you are angry?" he asks.

I laugh. "Pretty much."

"That is why I love you so and I might have something of a surprise for you once we have found a suitable ring to go onto your slender finger," he teases.

I hold up my left and I stare at the ring finger. I cannot help feeling excited at the prospect of an engagement ring and of course, the possibility of marriage somewhere in the future.

"Do you think we will?" I ask as I slip my hand into his.

"Mmm...I hope so, but let us not think of that. We have lots of packing to do," he reminds me.

"Not too much. We will only be gone for two or three days," I point out as we saunter into the living room.

"Are you back? Thank the maker. I have arranged a carriage for you. It will leave late afternoon. I suggest you get moving," my father says.

"And where have you been, Marian and why do you look so flushed?" my mother asks.

"We went for a walk, that is all," I reply. They don't need to know we have been to the river because the twins would be very upset with me and I didn't want that.

"It seems you like you did more than _take a walk_," she comments.

"What is it to you, Mother?" I ask.

"I have to wonder, you know, but enough. Would you like something to drink?" she asks.

"Yes please, but would you bring it to us or at least let me know it is ready? I need to pack," I remind her,

"Mari, I can bring it to you. I don't mind and I am sure Beth would like to help you. Take her with you," she suggests.

"Why are you going away again, Mari?" asks Beth as she joins us.

"It will only be for a few days, Beth and when I return, we can spend time together. Just you and me," I suggest.

"And me," Anders reminds me as he squeezes my hand.

"And now, I really need to pack. Come with us, Beth," I suggest and she smiles warmly at me.

"Will you buy me something?" she asks.

I ruffle her hair. "What would you like?" I ask, catching Carver's eye and he is glowering at me.

"What would you like, Carver?" I ask.

"Nothing. A sword is all I want, but I am not getting one until I am sixteen," he replies.

"Surely there is something you would like?" I ask.

"No, I don't want anything except for a sword," he replies.

I ignore him. "Beth, Anders, come, we have much to do," I remind them.


	51. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

_**Anders**_

_Two days later,_ I am sitting next to the driver when I notice the town of Denerim loom closer. It is nearly midmorning and Marian is still asleep after another bad night. She is upset about Carver and his treatment of her and she does not know what to do about it. The boy hardly said two words to her before we left and she has spent the better part of our journey mulling over his attitude towards us.

"Another couple of hours and you will be in Denerim," the driver says, breaking into my thoughts.

"What is it like? I have never been there," I say.

"It is very busy, Ser and do you know the _King's Palace_ is also part of Denerim?" he asks.

"No, I did not know that," I reply.

"King Cailan resides in the palace. Did you know that? Please tell me you know who the king is," he says.

"I have heard about him, but not much. I...I come from the Circle of Magi. I spent most of my teen years growing up there," I reply.

He gives me as surprised look. "How is you are walk free? Are you an apostate?" he asks.

I laugh. "No, I was given permission to leave the Circle a while ago," I reply.

"Why? Does this have something to do with the young woman sleeping in the carriage?" he asks.

"Yes. She is everything to me and I love her," I reply.

"I can see that and you are fortunate. Not many people find what you two obviously share," he says.

"Andy, where are you?"

I catch the driver's eye and he smiles. "She calls. You should go to her," he suggests.

"Will you let us know when we have arrived?" I ask.

"Don't worry, I will," he replies.

o0o

"Good morning, love," I greet her. I give a quick kiss on the cheek. "Sleep well?"

"Not really. Are we nearly there?" she asks.

"Another couple of hours and we will be there," I reply.

"Thank the maker. I could do with a comfortable bed and some form of distraction," she says.

"Carver still worrying you?" I ask as I brush her fringe out of her face. There are dark circles around her eyes and she looks tired.

"Yes. He is growing up to be so...so," she trails away.

"I wouldn't worry about him and besides I want you to enjoy your time away from home, I say quietly. "Can you do that for me?"

"Oh love, you are sweet and I love you and yes I can do that for you," she replies.

"That's my girl," I tease as I embrace her. "He is still young; maybe he will outgrow his attitude."

"I doubt it, but can we not speak about something else? And why should I worry about him? He has always been difficult, Andy. I have a better relationship with my sister," she says.

"I know. You are very close, but guess what?" I ask, pulling away from her.

"Tell me, love," she teases.

"You and I are extremely close, don't you think?" I ask.

"We always have been, Andy. You are never far from me and I like that. I like having you close by. It comforts me," she replies.

"Love, I love you to," I murmur as I kiss her. She wraps her arms around me and she tries to pull me closer, but instead I embrace her intimately while our kiss deepens. "Mmm, we are going to have so much fun," I murmur.

"Mmm, we always have fun," she murmurs as she moulds herselfto me. I break off the kiss and I embrace her tightly. She fits me so perfectly. Every hard place on my body is softened by her curves and the thought makes me smile.

"Do share," she says softly.

"Do I have to?" I ask as I lean towards her.

"Well," she says as she traced small circles on my chest. "No," she replies. She grips my shirt, pulling me closer until I can feel her gentle breath against my cheek. "But I can do this," she murmurs. She lightly brushes her lips against mine. She pulls away and gave me a satisfied smile.

"Love?" I protest as I lean towards her. The carriage comes to a jerky standstill and we nearly connected our heads. "I think we have arrived."

"At last, now the fun really begins," she says, standing up and she grabs her backpack. She slung into her shoulders. "Your turn," she teases, tossing my backpack into my hands.

"I can carry yours, you know," I inform her.

"I know, but I want your arm around me as we enter the city," she teases.

I wink at her. "Why? Or do you wish to show the people that I belong to you?" I ask.

"Shut up, love. I would feel better because I get a certain amount of comfort from you," she replies.

"Is that so?" I ask as I poke her in the ribs.

"Andy," she says as steps away from me, rubbing her side. "That was a bit painful...Ouch," she murmurs.

"I...I am sorry," I murmur as I press my hand against her side and I use my mana to heal her. "I never intended to do that," I murmur while I look intently into her eyes.

"Hey, I have has worse, so please don't beat yourself up about it," she says softly as she places her hand over mine. "Now, why don't we go? Denerim awaits us!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

I gaze around in awe at the central market district in Denerim. People are hurrying around going about their daily business and it is so busy. I have never been in Denerim before. My parents always went without me so that I could look after my siblings. There is a food stall, a clothing stall and a jewellery stall, but I am not ready to browse their wares just yet. I feel around for Anders, but I cannot find him and I start panicking. There are so many people and all of sudden I start to feel more than a bit overwhelmed.

"Andy! Andy!" I call. My heart is thumping loudly and my ears are ringing. There are too many people around me. I am not the same person I was before I joined the Circle and since my involvement with Anders and then our separation...

"Marian! Marian!" I hear him call and I whip around. My palms are sweating and I feel as if the crowd is closing in on me.

"Anders! Anders!" I call. He calls me again and I follow his voice until I see him push his way towards me. "Andy," I whisper.

"Are you alright? You look...terrible," he says as he embraces me.

"Take me out of here. I cannot bear it," I reply. I am very close to tears.

"What is it?" he asks, gently lifting my chin until our eyes met.

"There are too many people, I can't bear it," I reply.

He smiles. "Love, you can relax. Just take my hand and I will lead the way," he says softly.

"I...I am sorry. I don't know what is wrong with me. I use to be strong, Andy, but not anymore. Our six months apart affected me more than I care to admit."

"Mmm, no that is not it. You just need to relax for a couple of hours and then we can browse the stalls," he returns.

"Perhaps you are right. Where is the inn or tavern or whatever it is called?"

"Just over there, love," he replies, pointing his finger. "Come," he says as he slowly tugs me through the crowd. I breathe a sigh of relief as soon as we are at the edge of the crowd.

"Now I feel better," I inform him after taking a few deep breaths.

"So you don't really like crowds?" he asks, teasingly.

"Um...This is new, Andy. I...I panicked," I explain.

"Mmm, it is not the first time. Remember that time by the river where Mabari disappeared to hunt?" he reminds me.

I laugh. "How could I forget?" I reply.

"Love, you really panicked when you could not find him," he reminds me.

"I know, but what of it, Anders?" I ask, irritated.

"Ouch, my heart," he teases and I cannot resist swatting him on the arm. "What was that for?" he asks.

"I don't know. I just felt like it," I reply.

"Really? Is there anything else?" he asks, smiling.

"I need a drink," I reply.

"No ale or mead, love," he teases as the tavern come into view. It is on the opposite end of the market district.

"Mmm, this must be it - _The Gnawed Noble Tavern_. This is the place your Father mentioned," he explains.

"I heard him speak about it and I think there is a shop not far from here where we can purchase mage robes, staves, etc," I inform him.

"Well, we certainly don't need anything from there and besides I don't want everyone to know what we are," he says.

"Why hide it, Anders? What are we going to achieve by hiding what we are? Why must we live like that? Is it because the Chantry dictates it?" I ask.

He starts laughing. "Mari love, let us go inside where we can discuss this further," he suggests. I slip my hand into his and we went inside. We come to a standstill because it is far bigger than Danes Refuge back home. It is quiet at the moment.

"Come, we need to rent a room for a few days," I say as we continued towards the Inn Keeper.

"Welcome to the Gnawed Noble Tavern where we have the finest mead in all of Ferelden and we have the most comfortable beds. How may I assist you?" the Inn Keeper asks.

"We would like to rent a room for...How long are we going to be here, Anders?" I ask.

"We can rent a room for three days," he replies.

"We would like to rent a room for about three days," I inform the innkeeper.

"Mmm...I have just the suite for you but it will cost you," he says.

"How much will it cost us?" I ask. We only have about Two Hundred sovereigns and I don't want to spend it all because it comes from my parent's savings.

"Well, it costs 10 sovereigns per day, but because you want it for three days, I can give you a discount. Twenty Five sovereigns," he replies.

"What do you think, Anders?" I ask.

"It sounds fair. I think we should take it," he replies.

"Alright Ser. Twenty Five sovereigns it is," I say as I drop the gold into his waiting hands.

"Thank you and who might you be?" he asks.

"Marian Hawke and this is my partner, Anders," I reply.

"Hawke you say? Are you related to Malcolm Hawke by any chance?" he asks.

"I am his daughter," I reply.

"Really? I am pleased to meet you. I hope your stay will be most enjoyable. Edwina will show you to your suite," he says.

"Thank you," I say.

"This way, Miss," an elderly woman says. I can only assume she is Edwina. "Follow me, please," she says. We follow her up a short passage and she shows us into a room on the left.

"Thank you," I say, dropping my backpack onto the table. I survey the room and I am pleasantly surprised at how comfortable it looks. I sit on the bed and it is so comfortable. I can feel myself relax. I also notice a low wall and I got up to look behind it. There is a bath and it is bigger than the one at home.

"Thank Edwina, that will be all," Anders says.

"Let me know if there is anything you need," she says.

"We will and thank you," he says. I hear the bedroom close and I know we are finally on our own. I am still admiring the bath when he finds me. He slips his arms around me and he nuzzles my neck.

"What fun we could have in there," he teases. "What fun I can have with you," he murmurs as he traces small circles around my stomach. I lean gratefully against him. I want some contact with him. "Mmm, do you need something?" he asks. He continues running small circles around my stomach, but he moves upwards and he gently cups my breasts. "Or do I know the answer?" he teases as he nuzzles me once again, but this time he gently kisses me along my jawline nibbling me as he went along. "What are we going to do this evening?" he asks. I can feel him unbutton my blouse and with gentle fingers, he grazes my stomach. His touch causes me to break out in gooseflesh and I start trembling. I try to turn around but he tightens his arms around me. "Not yet," he whispers. I close my eyes and I allow him to continue his teasing and gentle exploration.

"Come with me," he whispers. I open my eye and I turn around to look at him. I take his hand and he leads me to the bed. He pulls me down with him. He rolls with me until I am lying beneath him.

"Love, this bed is so comfortable," I murmur just as he brushes his lips against mine.

"Hush, Mari," he murmurs as he brushes my lips again. I slip my arms around his neck drawing him closer and he smiles at me.

o0o

"_Anders, up you_ get," I call, shaking him awake. We spent the afternoon making love and sleeping and now it is early evening. He opened one eye and he grins rather sleepily at me much to my amusement.

"Come on, love," I say as I touch his shoulder. He reaches for my hand, he pulls me onto the bed and I start laughing. He is in a playful mood.

"Love, you tease," I murmur as I give him a kiss on the cheek. "Sleep well?" I ask.

"Mmm, this bed is very comfortable. I can stay here with you for the rest of the evening," he replies, yawning.

"Love, I am hungry and thirsty and you?" I ask.

"Not really. I am only hungry for you," he replies.

I give him a playful swat on his arm. "Honestly, Anders. Is that all you can think about?"

"Um...No...I think about how fortunate I am having you in my life and I think about what your father did for me. I also think about the wonderful family I am part of, but more importantly, I think about you and how important you are to me," he replies.

"You are my life, Andy and if anything, I want you by my side," I murmur.

He gives me a kiss and he smiles. "And I will be, that I can promise you," he says softly. "And I think we should have something to eat."

"Then you should get up," I tease as I slip out of his embrace. I sit by the table while he dresses himself and occasionally he throws lingering glances at me.

"Are you ready?" I ask. I stand up and reach for his hand.

"Mmm, I am now," he replies. "I love you Mari," he whispers as he gives me a kiss.

I slip my arm around his waist and he put his arm around my shoulder. We amble out of our room, down the passage and into the tavern.

"Where would you like to sit?" he asks. I look around the tavern and I spot a quiet table in a far corner. It is away from the bustling activity of all the patrons.

"This way," I reply, taking the lead. I am feeling a bit anxious and I need to sit down.

"Are you alright?" he asks as he catches a glimpse of me.

"Why?" I ask.

"You look...pale. Is it the crowd of people? Would you rather we go somewhere else?" he asks.

"Just stay with me and I will be fine," I reply. We sat down and I reach for his hand. I am feeling insecure for some reason.

"Talk to me, Mari. What is going through that pretty head of yours?" he asks, entwining our fingers.

"Anxiety," I reply and he starts laughing.

"Why are you anxious? I am here with you and I will keep you safe. In fact, if anyone so much as comes near you, they will be sorry," he declared.

I start laughing. "You are so protective, love. Why is that? I mean, I don't mind, but why do you feel that way?" I ask.

"Well, firstly, you are mine and you always will be and secondly I love with all I have," he replies seriously and I burst into a fit of giggles.

"Oh love, you are too sweet and I love you for being you," I tease.

"I think I am more than sweet," he returns.

"Anders, stop teasing me and you know you more than sweet," I tease. He starts tickling me and I try to wriggle away from him, but he pulls me onto his lap effectively preventing me from moving at all.

"Well, at least you aren't anxious anymore," he points out.

"You are right," I laugh. "Thank you love," I say as I embrace him.

"Mmm, I can do this all evening but our waitress has arrived," he informs me.

"Good evening. Is there anything you would like to drink? Our ale is the best this part of Ferelden but our cider is the best in all of Thedas," she informs us.

"No ale, Mari," he advises.

"No. I don't want ale. I would like a cider please and you, Anders?" I ask.

"Um...I will have the same, thank you," he replies.

"Would you like anything to eat?" she asks us.

"What do you have?" I ask.

"We have a special at the moment. It is very tasty. It is steak, with vegetables," she replies.

"Love?" I ask.

"Then will have two of those, thank you and what is your name?" he asks her.

"Ella," she replies.

"Thank you, Ella. That will be all," Anders says politely.

"Now, where are we?" he asks and he starts tickling me again.

"Anders, enough please," I say breathlessly.

"Mmm, later then," he teases, pushing me off his lap.

After I settle myself next to him with my hand resting on his thigh, I give him my full attention. "Tomorrow, are we are going to browse the stalls and shops?" I ask.

"Yes we are and I hope to find a suitable ring for you," he replies.

"Love, I don't need anything fancy or too expensive. I have your gold locket that I never take off. I simple band would be perfect," I suggest.

"I know you don't want me to fuss over you, but what if I want to? We have enough sovereigns. Your father just says that once we return home I will have to start working. I might tell you that it does not please me because I don't want to spend too much time away from you," he says.

"But I will be by your side or has that changed?" I ask. I can not help feeling a bit disappoints because I want to assist him as much as I can.

"No, it hasn't changed. I want you by my side, Mari," he replies.

"Then by your side is where I will be and perhaps I can learn a few things about healing from you. I may not be as proficient as you, but I can heal, but you already know all of this," I say.

"Then I will teach what I know although I don't think there is much more for you to learn. You are gifted in the elemental school and you can cast a mean ice bolt, but I would like to see you throw fireballs around," he teases.

"I...I know that and I am still sorry about the time, I knocked you off your feet. Remember that time, love? You are demonstrating your lightening magic," I say.

"I have never forgotten, but that is quite a mean ice bolt nonetheless, but I survived," he teases.

"Of course you did, but I feel terrible. The thought that I may have harmed you - that is what I think about now," I explain. He grips my hand and he squeezes it.

"You will never harm me as I will never harm you," he says softly.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

"Remember our first kiss, Andy?" she asks as she tries to stand, but she fails miserably. "I can't even stand straight," she continues.

"I warn you not to drink too much ale, Marian, but you refused to listen to me," I point out. It is nearly 10pm and we are still sitting at our table. We thoroughly enjoyed our meal, but she insisted on drinking one glass of ale that turns into two, then three, then four and now she has just finished her fifth glass.

"I want one more," she says.

"No, you have has quite enough to drink, Marian. I think it is time we went to bed," I say firmly.

"But-" she mumbled as she tries to stand again, but she stumbles into the wall. "Shit," she mutters.

"Let me assist you," I say as I stand up. I reach for her hand, but she stumble away from me.

"I don't need your help," she says. "And that my brother of mine - he is full of nonsense," she mumbled. She has gone on and on about Carver and I am at the end of my patience with her.

"I think that is enough, Marian," I say as I forcibly slipped my arm around her waist.

"You think? I don't think so," she says.

"Love, you are not achieving anything by this...behaviour," I point out.

"His behaviour is worse than mine," she says. She tries to shrug herself away from me, but I am holding her too firmly.

"And your behaviour is unacceptable. What do you think your father would think if he were here? And your mother and what about Beth?" I ask.

"They would be shocked-" she trails away and she turns pale. She looks at me with sad eyes. "What is wrong with me?"

"Let us go back to our room and we can talk about it," I suggest as I wrap my arm securely around her waist. She put all her weight onto me and I nearly stumble. "Ease up, love. You can't expect me to carry you," I tease.

"No, it would be...embarrassing. Just take me to our room," she says.

"Mmm, I will do that and then I am coming back to pay for everything," I say.

"Oh alright," she says. We are halfway up the passage when she grips my arm tightly. I glance at her and she is very pale.

"We are nearly there. Just hold on," I murmur.

"Andy. I don't feel well," she whispers. I want to smile, but her expression made me stop because she looks terrible.

"What do you expect when you go overboard, Mari? You really should have listened to me," I point out.

"I...I know and now I have spoilt out little vacation by acting out. I am so sorry," she says softly.

I open the door to our room and I quickly helped her onto the bed. She stretches herself out and she closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Anders," she murmurs.

"Just sleep it off. I will be back soon."

"Don't take too long," she whispers, reaching out for my hand.

"I won't be," I reassure her. I give her a kiss on her forehead and I turn away. I head to the door and I glance at her. She is watching me and she is smiling about something. _I really don't want to know_, I think to myself as I close the door behind me.

_After paying for_ our meal and our drinks, I head back to our room only to find Marian sprawled across the bed. She is fully clothed and she is fast asleep. I sit on end of the bed and I remove her shoes. I massaged her feet and she let out a contented sigh.

"You awake?" I ask softly as I move onto her other foot. She did not reply and I shake my head. I unbuckles her belt and I slowly remove her pants. I lean back, running my hands up her thighs and she actually smiles.

"What are you doing?" she asks and I nearly startled when I hear her voice.

"You cannot sleep in these clothes, Marian. Surely you would like to be...comfortable?" I ask.

"I would like to be comfortable, yes," she replies as she sat up holding her head in hands. "And my head is killing me."

"So soon? You need to sleep it off as I say a short while ago, but you are intent on not listening to me or taking my advice tonight, aren't you?" I ask.

"Don't snap at me, Anders. I am not in the mood to listen to any lecturing. I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep and if you cannot be more than understanding, then sleep somewhere else," she says.

"Love, please be reasonable. I have nowhere else to sleep and besides, you won't sleep if I am not with you," I remind her.

"Andy, please, I just want to go to sleep. Please...help me," she implores.

"I am helping you and if you can settle down for a minute, I can continue helping you. Now come here," I say as I unfolded my arms. I clasped her hands and I pull her onto my lap.

"Just let it go. I know you are angry and upset with your brother, but you must realise that he is still young. Please don't spoil our few days away from everything," I murmur. "And drowning your sorrow is not going to help you," I continue.

"How would you know? I don't think you have every got drunk in your life," she says.

I laugh. "Not yet," I tease and she starts laughing.

"So I might still get to see you drunk?" she asks.

"Maybe, who knows?" I return. "Now, may I?" I ask as I start unbuttoning her blouse. She smacks my hand away.

"You just want to see me in my underwear," she teases.

"Yes...and...No, but I am not going to take advantage of you," I tease.

"I wouldn't mind," she points out.

"I know you wouldn't, but not tonight. We cannot. We spent the afternoon making love and I don't think I will be able to again this evening," I inform her.

"Well, are you going to come to bed?" she asks.

"Of course I am, I am tired," I reply.

"Then hurry up, I am lonely for you," she teases as she lay down stretching herself.

"You are always lonely for me," I remind her as I remove my clothes. I toss them onto the floor and I climbed in behind her.

She sighs contently. "This is what I want - your arms around me giving me the warmth and comfort I need," she murmurs.

"I love you to, Mari. Goodnight and if you need anything, let me know."

"Mmm, I have what I need and I don't want anything more," she murmurs.

"Go to sleep, Mari. You will feel better in the morning."

"I love you, Andy," she murmurs.

"I love you more," I tease and she sighs again. It isn't long until I hear her steady breathing and I know she is asleep.


	52. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

_**Anders**_

"Love, are you awake?" I murmur. It is seven in the morning and I have just concocted a potion for her. I know she would have a pounding headache.

"I am now, but maker, my head," she says sleepily as she raises herself to look at me. She notices the vial in my hand and she frown. "What is that?"

"How are you?" I reply.

"I've been better, but I do have a headache," she replies.

"Then drink some of this. It will help," I suggest.

"What is it anyway?" she asks, taking the vial from me.

"Something I concocted from Elfroot leaves," I reply. She drinks a mouthful and she smiles.

"It tastes quite pleasant," she says.

"Of course it does. I made it with love," I tease and she grins at me.

"Of course you did. You do everything with love for me," she returns.

"Mmm, how do you feel now?" I ask after she drinks the last mouthful.

"I feel...good. Thank you," she replies.

"So what now?" I ask.

"I would like to take a bath before we go out. I need to freshen up. I will not touch ale again," she says.

I laugh. "Love, I have heard that before."

She looks away from me. "I know and I am sorry. I honestly don't know what I am thinking," she says.

"Look love, I know you are a bit upset about your brother, but why don't you let it go? I don't see the point in worrying about him."

She sighs. "You are right, there is not much I can do about it anyway, she says.

"Well, enough talk about that, "I say as I take the empty vial away from her. "Come here," I say, reaching for her hands.

"Good morning," she greets me as we embrace.

"Good morning to you, love," I return.

"What are we going to do today?" she asks.

"We can browse around the market. Maybe we can go into the Mage shop to have a look and more importantly, I would like to have a look at the jewellery," I reply.

"I hope we will find something, Anders, but in all honesty, a plain band would suffice," she says.

"I know, but what if there is something else you like?" I ask.

"What about the sovereigns?" she asks.

"Don't worry about it. We have enough," I reply.

"Oh alright...I think I am going to have a bath. Are you going to join me?" she asks, giving me a playful wink.

"If you would like me to, I can, otherwise I will wait for you," I reply.

"Maybe this will change your mind," she says. She settled herself on my lap. "I think it will change your mind," she teases as she lightly brushes her lips against mine. She pulls away, smiling and then she kisses me again. I find myself tightening my arms around her, drawing her closer as our kiss deepens. We enjoyed a bit of early morning love and it is clear to me that she is going to get exactly what she wanted.

"What...about...your...bath?" I ask in between her kisses.

"What about it?" she replies. I didn't get a chance to reply because she is kissing me. I skim my hands down her back and I hooked my finger in the waistband of her underwear. She is pulling my shirt off and I start smiling. She clearly wants far more from me.

"Slow down. I am not going anywhere," I murmur.

"I know, but love please?" she asks as she gazes at me. She is happy and this made me happy.

"Come here then," I tease. She leans back against the pillows taking me with her and I settle myself atop her. "How are you really?"

"Your potion or whatever it is, worked well. I've never been better," she replies. "But please?"

"Hush, Mari," I murmur.

o0o

_Two hours later_, Marian and I are browsing through the stalls in the _Denerim Market District_. She is very excited about the prospect of choosing an engagement ring and she is absolutely glowing after our intimate time together. She is also looking fresh after she has a quick bath and a massage I give to her. I am delighted she is no longer tense or upset about Carver. If anything, she is very happy and content. She glanced at me, catching my eye and she gives me a brilliant smile that lit up her face. She beckons me to join her and I reluctantly put I am paging through, down. I know she has found something she wanted.

"Tell me," I say as I joined her. She is looking at jewellery and she is holding something in her hand.

"What do you think?" she asks as she holds up a gold wedding band that has a small blue stone set in it.

I take it from her and I hold it up to the light. I let out a low whistle because it is exquisite. The stone is the same colour as her eyes and that pleased me because her blue eyes always captivated me. Now they are sparkling with excitement.

"You tell me what you think because it will grace your finger," I reply.

"It feels right, Andy and it fits beautifully. Look," she says as she slides it onto her wedding finger. I take a deep breath because I am feeling overwhelmed. I cannot quite believe that I am going to propose to her this evening. When I gave her the locket as my promise to her, I did not think the day would come when I would actually propose to her in the good old-fashioned way.

I take her hand and I gently massage it while I study the ring. It is right for her. It is not too broad or too thin after all her fingers are very slender. I raise my eyes to meet hers as I slide the ring off her finger. I know it is the right one for her, but the price is worrying me. She seems to realise what I am thinking because she takes both of my hands into hers.

"It is only forty sovereigns, Andy. We should have enough," she says quietly. I can see the hope in her eyes and I know I cannot disappoint her. Little did she know that her father had given me an extra fifty sovereigns just in case I needed it._ Thank you, Malcolm_.

"Love, are you sure this is what you want? Have you looked at the other rings?" I ask.

"This one stands out over and above the others. I...I feel it is the right one," she replies.

"Then we shall purchase it, but once it is sealed into a box, you won't see it again until your birthday," I say.

"I...I know and I really don't mind," she says. I smile quietly to myself. She is in for a surprise this evening. I turn my attention to the merchant and I give the ring to him. He packs it into a blue velvet box and I pay him the forty sovereigns.

"Ser, the ring is pure gold and the stone is a sapphire. You bought it for a very good price. Most rings that are similar go for one hundred sovereigns or more," he explains.

"So it is quite valuable?" I ask.

"It is very valuable and your young lady deserves it. So when are you going to ask her?" he asks.

"Only on her birthday and that is next month," I reply.

"Good luck to you and may the Maker smile upon you both," he says.

"Thank you," I say. I say my goodbyes and I join Marian. She is browsing through the clothes and she seems interested in a cream skirt and blouse.

"A skirt, love?" I tease.

She blushes. "I know. Shocking isn't it?"

"Not really. I'm just surprised, but in all honesty, I think you would look extremely attractive in a skirt," I tease.

"Of course you would think that. It would just make it easier...," she teases.

I feign innocence. "I have no idea what you are talking about." I am secretly pleased about the prospect that she wants to get a skirt for herself, but whether she would follow through, I did not know.

"I like it, Anders. It is so pretty and it plain. There are no frills and it has a pretty flower pattern on it. It reminds me of _Andraste's Grace_," she explains.

"Then take it if that is how you feel," I suggest.

"But what about-" she says.

"Please don't worry about the sovereigns, love. We have more than enough," I reassure her. I leave her to decide what she wants while I browse the men's clothing, but nothing appeals to me. I give a resigned sigh and I head back to Marian. She is still deciding on the outfit.

"Have you decided?" I ask.

"I do like it and I can wear it on my birthday, but love, you need something as well. Did anything catch your eye?" she asks.

"Love, the only thing catching my eye is you," I tease.

"Anders, really, but seriously now, is there nothing that catches your eye?"

"Unfortunately, no," I reply.

"But you need clothes, love. You do not have enough. Surely there must be something?" she asks, dumping her outfit into my hands. I am surprised at the softness of the material and I visualize her wearing it. I smile at the image because it suited her.

"Are you listening to me?" she calls, interrupting my thoughts.

"What? Why?" I ask. I notice she is holding a light grey tunic. It has feathered pauldrons on the shoulders and it looked like something I would consider wearing.

"So what do you think?" she asks, holding it up against me. It comes with matching grey pants.

"I...I don't know what to think," I reply.

"Anders, you like it. I can see it. Please take it. You need something new and I think you deserve it," she says.

"I...I do like it and it feels so soft and pleasing," I say.

"Then take it and I will take the outfit I've chosen for myself," she says.

"You really think I should take it?" I ask. I am feeling uncertain and I want her reassurance.

"Love," she says as slips her hand into mine. "I do think you should, but if you don't want to, then I am not going to force the issue," she replies.

"Alright then, I will take it," I return.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

It is early evening and we are sitting at the inn, waiting for our meal. Anders and I have spent most of the day browsing the stalls and shops. I glance at him again. He has been acting rather strangely for the most part of the evening. It is as if he is nervous about something and I am starting to worry. It is unlike him to be nervous about anything.

"What is bothering you, Andy?" I ask, squeezing his hand.

"Nothing is bothering me," he replies.

"Mmm, really? I find that difficult to belief. Why won't you tell me?" I ask.

"Love, it is nothing, I promise. Perhaps I need to have some ale or mead or something like that," he replies.

"And pull a _Marian_? I think not. I can't carry you," I tease.

"Mmm. Do you honestly think I am going to get myself drunk? No, I will not my love. You know I enjoy one or two drinks and that is more than enough, but in this case, I think I would like to have ale," he explains and he went back to drumming his fingers on the table.

"Fine, I will get one for you. Where is the barmaid?" I ask.

"Right here Miss. What can I do for you?" Ella asks.

"Please may I have one tankard of ale and one tankard of cider?" I reply.

"Right away, Miss," she replies.

"You will get your...," I trail away. He is holding a box in his hand and I catch his eye. It is the same box from this morning.

"Anders, you-" I trail away because he stands; opening the box and he comes round to my side of the table. He goes on one knee and he reaches for my hand.

"Love, I know I have already asked you in my own way, but I feel the time is right for me to do this the proper way. Both your parents are aware of my intention and I do have their blessing. I know it may not be possible at this time, but I don't care," he says softly as he takes the ring out of the box. He tosses the box onto the table and he reaches for my left hand.

"Mari, I love you and I always will, but nothing in this world would please me more if you became my wife...," he looks away, gathering his thoughts and my heart is thumping so loudly, I can barely hear myself think.

He looks at me and he smiles. "Mari, will you do me the honour of marrying me?"

I stare at him in utmost disbelief. I did not think he would propose me to now. When we spoke about it, he said he would ask me on my birthday, but here he is, looking at me with such love and hope in his light brown eyes. The eyes that always captivated me because they are so warm and loving.

He clears his throat and he shifted slightly on his knee. I realise he is feeling uncomfortable.

"Mari?" he barely whispers.

I stand pulling him up with me and I embrace him. "Love, yes, I would love to become your wife," I reply. He wraps his arms around me and he twirls me around.

"I love you, Mari," he says, cupping my face. "I love you," he murmurs as he gently kisses me and I feel a sense of peace and calm envelope me. Everything is falling into place for us.

"I know we might not be able to, but I don't care. In my heart we are already married," he murmurs.

"I love you," I whisper. He tightens his arms around, pulling me as close as he could.

"I don't think I can ever let you go. You are too deeply bound to my heart," he murmurs.

"I don't want you to let me go, Anders," I whisper, pulling away from him. He is trying his best to keep his emotions under control, but I notice a tear slide down his cheek. For the first time since he became part of my family, I am feeling much stronger. I touch my finger to his tear and I gently wipe it away. "Talk to me," I encourage.

"I have a family, Mari. For the first time since I was forced to join the Circle leaving my Mother behind, I have a family, love, a real family and if it weren't for your father, I would still be stuck in that lone cell or worse, on the run from the Templars," he murmurs.

"That could still happen if we are not careful. We may be known to the Templars in Lothering, but here or anywhere else, we are just apostates," I murmur. "But, let us rather not speak about these things. We have something to celebrate, you and I."

He sits, pulling me onto his lap. "I want you close tonight," he murmurs.

"How close?" I ask. He pulls me as close as he can and he kisses me. It is a tender kiss and it is so gentle, but at the same time, it has a deeper meaning. "Andy," I mumble. He is relentlessly exploring me and he seems to have forgotten that we are in a tavern. "Love, I think you better slow down," I say breathlessly.

"I...I know," he says softly as he broke off our kiss.

I smile at him and I plant a kiss on his forehead. I slip off his lap and I seat myself next to him. I reach for his hand and I give it a squeeze. He is trembling slightly and I glance at him. He is trying to calm down.

"Relax," I murmur and he smiles at me.

"I am trying, but I seem to be struggling," he says.

"Take a few deep breaths and you should feel better," I suggest. I glance around the tavern and no-one seems to be aware of what is going on by our table. I notice barmaid coming towards us carrying a tray of food and drink for us.

"Thank the maker," I murmur. I catch his eye and he is still struggling. I place my hand on his thigh and he lets out a low sigh.

"Please don't do anything," he murmurs.

"Why?" I ask as I inch ever upwards. I rest my hand on his crotch and I nearly sigh. He is definitely not winning this battle. I unbuckle his belt as the barmaid places our food and drink onto the table...

"No please don't," he murmurs. He reaches for my hand, but he does not stop me. He leans back in his chair, closing his eyes. He clenches his fist and he let out another sigh. "Love, please stop, otherwise I am going to explode," he murmurs. I do as he asks and I withdraw my wandering hand, but he places his hand on my thigh and traces circles. I reach for my tankard and I take a tentative sip. I watch him take a sip of his drink and he scrunches his face in apparent disgust.

I start laughing. "Lost the taste, have you?"

"It is so strong. I can't drink this not until I have something solid in my stomach, but may I have a sip of yours please?" he asks.

"Of course you can," I reply as I give him my tankard. He takes a long sip and he looks at me, smiling.

"Don't look so worried, there is more than enough for you," he teases.

"I know. I'm just wondering what you are thinking about."

"I am thinking about you and how I am going to please you as soon as we go back to our suite," he says.

"Love, don't tease me," I whisper. I am feeling flustered all of a sudden and the way he is looking at me, made me tingle. I tore my gaze from him and I grab a fork. I need something to keep me distracted because I am far too aware of him. He starts laughing and I stuff a potato into my mouth. I swallow it and I glare at him. "Go away," I mutter.

"Go away? Why would you want me to go away?" he asks.

"Look at me, Anders. I feel so hot and bothered," I reply.

"Oh really? Then we know what to do about that, don't we?" he asks as pushes his tankard towards me.

"I am not drinking that, Anders. You know what happened last night."

"Just have a sip. Go on. You want to," he teases.

I relent. "Oh alright, but don't blame me if you have to carry me out of here." I grab his tankard and I drink more than a mouthful. I put the tankard down and I carry on eating, much to his apparent amusement. He picks up his fork and he starts eating his meal.


	53. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

_Two days later,_ we are on our way home after spending a successful three days in Denerim. I am bouncing in my seat because Lothering's Windmill is in sight. I know we would be home soon. He is sitting opposite me, reading a book he purchased about _Healing Potions_ and _Healing Magic_. He has been reading it since this morning and I am all too happy to allow it, but now I want some of his attention.

I snatch the book from him and I stuff into my backpack. When I turn around, he is leaning back in his seat, smiling at me.

"I am reading that, you know," he teases as he opens his arms for me.

"I know you are, but I need some attention from you. I...feel lonely," I tease as I sit down.

"How lonely?" he asks.

"Mmm...Very lonely, but I am in your arms and that makes me feel less lonely," I explain.

"Well, are you looking forward to returning home?" he asks.

"Are you?" I reply.

"Yes I am, in fact. It will be nice seeing your parents and I need to speak to your Father about something," he replies.

"And we need to start earning our keep as well," I remind him.

"I...I know and I really don't mind because my favourite person will be working alongside me," he says.

"Why do you need to speak to my father?" I ask.

"I have something to tell him, don't worry about it," he replies. "I think as soon as we get home, I am taking you for a walk by the river," he suggests.

"I would like that, but we might have to take Bethany and Carver along."

"Love why? What if I want you to myself for a couple of hours?" he asks

"Anders, you have has to me to yourself for three days. I...I can't leave them out. They are my siblings," I reply.

"But love, what if I want to do more than just walk?" he asks and I start laughing. He is so serious and his eyes are sparkling.

"Anders...Anders," I tease.

"I mean it, Mari," he murmurs.

"Mmm," I mumble, threading my fingers through his hair. "I can see you tying you hair into a ponytail someday.

"You think so?" he asks as he reaches for my hands and we entwined our fingers. I smile when I saw my engagement ring glinting in the sun.

"I don't think so, I know so," I reply. I shifted slightly on his lap until I am feeling comfortable.

"So you are in agreement about going for a walk? After that we can maybe have some bath time fun or we roll around in the bedroom," he teases and I can feel my cheeks grow warm. We enjoyed making loving in the bath because it is so relaxing and soothing.

"Anders, hush. I don't want the world to hear your suggestions," I tease. "Mmm, what about now?" I ask as I lean towards him.

"Oh love, not here," he replies, slipping his arms around me.

"Why not?" I ask as I lightly brush my lips along his jawline.

"Love, please not here," he whispers as he gently pushes me away. "You know I want to, but can we not wait until we are at home?" he suggests.

I become thoughtful. "We can, but what harm is there in this?" I ask as I press my lips against his forcing him to allow me entrance.

"Oh love," he murmurs. I can feel him move his hands along my body and he rested them on my hips. "You are persistent, you know that?" he asks.

"Not really. I just want to love you," I explain.

"Is that what you call it?" he asks.

"Love, please, just one more?" I ask as I once again pressed my lips against his. I gently explored, savouring every minute of our intimate moment, but it is short lived because the carriage come to a jerky stop...

"Blast," I mutter as I pull away from him.

"Oh my, Mari. Since when do you curse?" he teases.

"Since now," I reply. Our moment is spoiled and I am fuming at the interruption. I slip out of his arms and I grab my backpack. I glance at him and he is laughing at me.

"This is not funny, Anders," I explain although I want to smile and laugh with him. He stand up, grabbing his backpack and he come towards me.

"We have the whole afternoon, the whole evening and the rest of our lives," he says softly.

"Our lives? I cannot believe it. We should marry soon," I tease and he gives me a surprised look.

"As tempting as that sounds, we cannot. We need to be able to provide for ourselves and we need a home. I...I don't fancy living under your parent's roof although I am sure we would be welcome to, but I want to provide for you and our children," he explains.

"A child? What would you do if I conceived now?" I ask. I am feeling curious because if I did conceive, I would be so pleased. I want to have his child. He just did not know it yet.

"Now? Is there something you would like to tell me?" he asks.

"I look away from him."You are not ready to be a father?"

"It is not that love. I would very much like to be a father. I would do a better job of bringing up my child than he ever did, because love, if we have a child - and because of our blood - we will bring a mage child into this world," he replies. "And are you ready for that responsibility? The Templars won't hesitate to take our child away from us and they would probably arrest us."

"I...I...did not think of that. Do you really think they would?" I ask.

"There is no telling what the Templars will do and love, if anything, we will never see our child again or each other for that matter," he says quietly.

"But Anders, what if I do? I know we are as careful as we can be, but all it will take is one slip up, Andy..." I murmur.

"Love, I know you are extremely fertile, but we will just have to remain careful," he states.

"How much more careful can we be?" I ask.

"Love, please listen to me. We will just remain careful and if you should conceive, I won't love you any less. If anything, I will be very pleased, but please don't worry about it and besides we are home now. We can relax and spend some time with the family," he suggests.

"And we will have to tell them about our engagement," I say. I step off the carriage and I look towards our home. I can see Bethany and my mother standing on the porch and I feel excited. My father is standing behind my mother and a sullen Carver is restraining Mabari.

"Blast," I mutter. I catch Carver's eye and he glowers me. My heart sinks because I don't understand what I have done to deserve such treatment on his part. All I ever did is love him in the same way I love my sister.

"What is it?" Anders asks, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"That is what is wrong," I mutter, pointing at Carver.

"Mmm, don't let him spoil our news," Anders says softly as he rubbed my shoulders. He moves his hands down my arms and I slip my hand into his. I glance at him.

"It will be alright," he reassures me. He squeezes my hand as we slowly amble up the pathway. He wraps his arm around me as we can to a standstill in front of my family. I glance uncertainly at them and my confidence waivered slightly when I rested my eyes on Carver.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

I notice Marian's hesitation and I step forward giving Carver a warning look. He has done nothing but sulk and throw insults at Bethany. His Father and I are at the end of our patience with him and we are seriously considering sending him away for a few days, but when we suggested it to him, he put up a fight and he threw insults at his Father. Malcolm ended up dragging him to his room where he had a long chat with him. I did not know what he said and I did not want to know. All I wanted was peace and quiet and I did not want to send another of my children away. It was bad enough for me when Malcolm suggested sending Marian to the Circle, but the two years she spent there has done her the world of good. She has grown up into a level headed young woman and oftentimes I wondered if that was the Circle's doing or Anders' doing. I cannot help noticing how close he is holding her. It is almost possessive as if no one else has a claim on her, but if I know my daughter and I did, she would only ever be loyal to him and from the time, I have spent with Anders, he would be just as loyal to her.

I step forward and I open my arms to her. She glances at Anders and he takes her backpack from her. She gives him a kiss and she flies into my arms.

"I was wondering when I would get my greeting," I tease as I embrace her tightly.

"Mother, we have news," she informs me as she steps back slightly.

I stare directly into her light blue eyes and her face breaks out into a smile.

"Well what is this news?" I ask.

"He...Anders and I got engaged, Mother and before you say anything, I know we are already engaged, but it is official now. Have a look," she says happily, as she shows me her left hand. On her ring finger, she is wearing a beautiful ring.

"Leandra, I know I said I would ask her on her birthday, but the time was right," Anders explains, stepping forward. He is grinning from ear to ear and I smile warmly at him.

"I know you asked Malcolm and I for our blessing the other day, but I had no idea you intended to propose to her," I explain.

"Well, after much thought and consideration, I asked her. In the old-fashioned way," he explains.

"Congratulations," I say as I embrace him then her. "Now we have something to celebrate."

"Father?" she asks. He has kept very quiet throughout this exchange and I glance at him. For a moment, he appears anxious.

"Mari, congratulations and Anders good man. I had a feeling you would ask her," he says as he shakes his hand.

"Ser, I would like to thank you for your assistance. I will pay back every cent, I promise," Anders says.

"There is no need, son. You have already paid me back by giving my daughter so much joy and happiness and that I will always be grateful for," he says softly. An unspoken understanding passes between the two men and I smile inwardly. My husband thinks very highly of Anders and he told me he thought he was the right man for her.

"Son, you called me son...I...I don't know what to say... I...I never thought I would have a family again and I will be forever grateful to you for making it possible for me...for Mari...for us," he says softly.

"That is because I consider you a son, Anders and you will always be welcome in our home," he says quietly.

"Thank you, Malcolm," he says hoarsely and he quickly turns away. Marian is right behind him and she reaches for his hand. I realise he is actually crying and I go to him.

"Anders," I murmur as I turn him around.

"Leandra, you have no idea how much this means to me," he says softly.

"I do know and I know how much you mean to each other...Anders," I murmur as I embrace him. I catch Marian's eye over his shoulder and she is also crying, but Bethany embraces her. She is nearly as tall as Marian is.

"Hush, Sis. You are home and he is home," she says softly. During all of this, Carver remained silent. He is staring resolutely out across the fields still restraining an excited Mabari.

"Carver, let him go. He wants to greet his mistress," I murmur. I know that he is very envious about the fact that a Mabari hound had chosen Marian. He does as I ask and Mabari bounds straight into Marian's arms. He knocks her off her feet and she sprawls across the grass.

"Shit," Anders mutters. "Begging your pardon, Leandra," he apologises and I smile at him. Mabari is all over Marian and I wonder if he would allow Anders near her.

"Mari, are you...Are you injured?" he asks as he shoos the dog away. We all crowd around her, but she does not appear to notice. She is gazing up at us with wild blue eyes and I become alarmed.

"Everyone, please give her some breathing space," Anders orders as I catch his eye. "She...She can't stand too many people around her, Leandra. She panics," he explains.

"Mari! Mari!" he calls softly as he clutches her hand. Mabari try to lick Marian, but Anders pushes him away.

"Sit, Mabari," he orders and the dog obliges but he starts whining and he gently nuzzles his mistress.

"Love...Mari," Anders says quietly as he gently slaps her cheeks.

"Ouch...That...was...a...bit hard," she says softly and we all let out a collective sigh.

"Oh Mari. Thank the Maker," he says.

"What...What happened?" she asks.

"Your hound, Mari," Anders explains and she actually smiles.

"Where is he?" she asks. I hear a soft whine and she turns towards him. "Come here," she calls and he crept towards her. "You were only saying hello, aren't you?" she asks. He barks and he licks her face.

"Enough, Mabari," she says softly as she tries to sit , but she can't.

"Easy does it. You went flying into the air a short while ago," Anders says quietly.

"Mmm, then you know what to do about it," she murmurs.

"That I do," he returns and he lifts her effortlessly into his arms.

"So much for a happy family reunion," she teases. Anders pushes past Carver and Marian reaches out to him.

"Hello... Still annoyed with me?" she asks her brother.

"Always," he mutters and Marian bursts into tears.

"You are an arse, Carver and don't give me that look. You know you are. You are my brother and I love you, but you and your stupid jealousy. It makes me sick. What did I do to you?" she blurts out and she buries herself into Anders' chest.

"Hush Mari. You need to relax," Anders says softly.

"How the hell am I supposed to relax when he clearly hates me?" she asks.

I catch Malcolm's eye and I silently ask him to intervene before anything more is said.

"Carver, come with me. Bethany, go with your Mother. I am sure she will need your help with making tea and Anders, I think she needs peace and quiet," he says firmly.

Bethany and I retrieve the backpacks and we follow them quietly into the house. Malcolm strides up the path with a sullen Carver behind him and I actually feel sorry for him. His father is furious with him and maker knows what he is going to say to him.

"Mother, do think Mari am going to be alright?" Bethany asks softly as we step into the kitchen.

"She is in good hands, Beth. I wouldn't worry too much about her," I reassure her. "After all she has Anders looking after her," I continue.

"I know," she says and I look directly into her dark blue eyes. "What?" she asks. She starts blushing. "I can't help it. I...I do like him," she informs me.

"I know you do, but he belongs to Marian," I gently remind her.

"I know and I would never do anything to spoil what they share. I am not Carver. I am happy that my big sister is happy," she says.

"Where is my Bethany and what have you done with her?" I tease. She is growing into a fine young woman and she has a certain maturity about her for a twelve year old, but then again, Marian was the same when she was twelve. I assumed it was because of their gift of magic or maybe it was due to their Father's firm hand.

"She is still here, Mother," she replies and we start laughing. I quickly fill a pot with water and I set it over the fire.

"Do you think I can go and see how she is?" asks Beth.

"No. I think we should allow Anders to see to her first and then you can go and see her. I...I don't think they would want to be disturbed not that she would mind if you did, but let us leave them for a while," I reply.

"Oh alright, then I will help you," she suggests.

"You can if you want to, but you really don't have to," I reassure her.

"Please Mother?" she asks.

"If you want to help, you can get out the cups," I suggest. I seat myself at the table and I watch Bethany potter around the kitchen. Unlike her sister, she liked being in the kitchen helping with the meal.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

"Are you sure you are alright?" I ask Marian as she tries to sit up. She is still dazed, but she appears a bit better. She is looking directly at me with her blue eyes. She is no longer crying. She is angry and hurt.

"I told you not allow him to get to you, Mari. He is only twelve and if anything, he should show his respect," I point out.

"He is an arse, Anders. If he wants to play it this way, then I am going to give it back to him. I did not ask for his treatment and frankly, I don't have time for it," she says. "What did I do to deserve it?"

I cup her face and we touch foreheads. "Love, please stop thinking about it. It makes you unhappy and in turn, I am unhappy. I am sure your father will sort him out." I gently massage her cheeks with my thumbs. "I want you to relax. I can give you a massage if you would like me to," I suggest.

"Mmm, I would like that," she says softly.

"Alright, but I have something to ask you," I say.

"Go on," she encourages.

"Would you like to have a bath first?" I ask.

"Oh, I like the sound of that, but as long as you join me," she replies.

"Well, that is my intention, but are you fit enough for something a bit...more intimate?" I ask.

"Anders, I have been knocked off my feet. I am still feeling dazed and...Yes I think I can manage something a bit more intimate," she replies. "And here is my proof," she murmurs as she grip my shirt and she pulls me flush against her body.

"Oh my," I murmur and I kiss her. She deepens the kiss and before I can think, she is slowly tugging my shirt off me. She pulls it over my head and she tossed it onto the floor. She grazed her fingers across my chest and I break out in gooseflesh. Her touch is also so gentle and I love her for it. I grab her leg and I pull it up for a more intimate fit. She is so close to me, all I can do is sigh softly even though I am aching in other parts for her. I ran my fingers up her thigh to the waistband of her pants where I pull them off her hips and they joined my shirt. I move back to look at her and she stretches her arms above her head.

"I do feel a bit stiff," she says as she stretches again.

"Then lie on your stomach, Mari," I suggest. She turns around hugging her pillow and she lay on her stomach. "Oh love," I murmur. Her back is bruised and she is grazed. "I think you hound did more harm than good," I tease.

"He is only greeting me," she says defensively.

"He bounded to you, Mari. He has grown in the last week or so. I think he is going to be fairly big," I say.

"I...I know, but he is my hound and I love him, but you are right - I am going to have to train him to not do that. What if he really injures someone?" she asks.

"I don't think he will, but I am not pleased," I say.

"Well, he needs to learn anyway," she returns.

"Maybe he does," I say as I gently kneaded her shoulders. She is tense again and the way she is squirming beneath my hands told me is in pain.

"Andy, please stop," she whispers hoarsely and I realise she is crying.

"I know you are in pain, but please allow me to help you," I say quietly. I start examining her and as I head along her spine feeling for anything that is out of place, she squirmed even more. "Love, I must insist you keep still," I say firmly as I move my hands to her lower back and that is when she starts whimpering. I gently examined her lower back and it felt as if something is out of place. I lean back, frowning. If I try pushing it back into place, she is going to fight me and I cannot have that.

"Mari, lie still. I will be back now and please don't move," I advise.

"Anders, please don't leave me like this," she sobs.

"I won't, my love. I need an extra pair of hands. Just lie still."

"Anders, please?" she whimpers.

"I won't be long," I promise.

I head in search of Malcolm and I find him sitting in the living room, reading a book.

"Malcolm, I need your help," I say and he looks at me.

"What is it?" he asks.

"She...Something is out of place on her lower back and I need your assistance," I explain.

"Are you sure? This is her back we are talking about and if something is out of place...Mmm, take me to her," he says.

We went back into her room and she is still crying, but she is quieter. I stand aside to give Malcolm a chance to examine her.

"Anders," she calls reaching for my hand. "I am so sore," she whimpers.

"I know, but you need to relax," I murmur as I give her hand a gently squeeze. I glance at Malcolm and he is frowning.

"What is it?" I ask.

"You...are right. I need you here, Anders. We are going to have to heal her together. You heal her while I manipulate the disc back into place. I must warn you that she is going to probably react quite violently," he informs me.

"Anders, what is he talking about?" she asks and I can see the panic in her eyes.

"Please relax," I murmur. I did not want to alarm her. "Think of the time we first met and everything after that," I suggest.

"Mmm, the time we first met is the happiest day in my life," she says softly.

"Carry on," I suggest as I gently release her hand.

"You exuded such warmth and comfort...When you take my hand, I cannot believe how...how...right it felt, but I did not expect to fall in love with you," she says.

I draw on my mana while Malcolm started pressing his hands onto her back. I watch as my mana pulsed brightly and Malcolm draws on his mana. His magic is white unlike my mine and I realise Mari's is also white. I feel her flinch beneath my hands and she become tense.

"Tell me about our first kiss," I suggest drawing on more mana.

"When we kissed...Oh...It was like magic, even though it is awkward. I tingle just thinking about it," she says. I catch Malcolm's eye and he is shaking his head.

Her muscles relaxed and I watch Malcolm as he presses here and there trying to push whatever it is back into place. He catches my eye and he nods. I take a deep breath to enable myself to draw on more mana.

"What about our first time?" I ask.

"Anders, do you honestly think I am going to tell you about that in the presence of my Father?" she asks.

"Well, I don't see why not. Tell me, love," I encourage.

"Well, it is most unexpected. I did not think we would, so early in our...relationship, but it is the best night of my life and don't get me wrong, love, our nights are better than ever," she explains.

"Anders, I am ready. Can you hold her securely while I ease it back into place?" he asks.

I head back to Mari and I grip her arms. "What more is there?" I ask in an effort to keep her focussed on me.

"You are so gentle and so...loving. You still are and they are moments I will always cherish. So when are we going to have some quiet time?" she asks, smiling. I glance at Malcolm and he nods.

"Focus on me, love. I would like to hold your hand and lay you down. I would like to kiss you and maker knows, I want to right now," I tease.

"I am focussed-" she murmurs. I glance at him again and with a strong push, her disc slipped back into place. I quickly turns my attention back to her and she is biting her lip.

"Anders, why?" she blurts out and she starts crying again.

"You should feel better now," I inform her and she actually smiles.

"I...I do, but shit, that is painful. I need a strong drink," she teases.

"Mari, can you try and turn onto your back?" Malcolm asks. "Anders, you might need to assist her."

"Come love," I say as I firmly grip her hips, turning her onto her back as I did so. She is whimpering and it broke my heart. I can not stand to see her in pain. "Nearly there," I encourage. I grab my mother's pillow and I slip it under her head. I can see the relief in her face and I give her a quick kiss.

"Stay with me," she whispers, clutching my hand. Her eyes are closed and she is ready to sleep.

"I'm here," I reassure her.

"Can you feel this, Mari?" Malcolm enquired as he presses the point of a blade into the base of her foot.

"Ouch," she murmurs. He did the same to the other foot and she flinches again.

"Excellent. I think you will be fine and I think you need a hot a bath. What do you think, Anders?" he asks.

"I think so and I think she will enjoy it, but is she fit enough to walk?" I ask.

He laughs. "Anders, you can carry her and I think she will enjoy that more than anything else," he replies.

_**Marian**_

"Why are you so good to me?" I ask as he carries me into the bathroom. I eye the bath and I immediately relax. My back is sore and Anders is fussing over me much to my amusement.

"Well, perhaps it is because I love you...Perhaps it is because you suffered an injury because of your hound," he replies as he allows me to stand on my two feet. I clutched his arm tightly to steady myself. He turns me around and he removes my bra. He hardly touches me and I reacted. My body flooded with heat and I turn around. I place my hands on his naked chest and I lean towards him. He quickly slipped his arms around my waist and he pulls me closer.

"I don't think we can tonight," he says softly, but I take no notice of him. I am too busy staring intently into his brown eyes.

"I don't care what we can or cannot do, but I want you to kiss me," I say quietly. He leans towards me and he brushes his lips against mine, and then he pulls away.

"Anders, please?"

"I have a better idea. Climb into the bath and I will join you. After we have soaked for a while, then we can decide," he suggests and I smile at him.

"Alright," I agree. I step away from him and I wriggled my underwear off. He takes my hand and he helped me climb into the bath. I let out a long sigh as I lean back. I can feel my aches and pains subside. I catch his eye and he is watching me, but he is removing the rest of his clothing. He stands in front of me, very proud and I find my eyes wandering the length and breadth of him.

"Stop staring. I might blush," he teases as he tentatively dips his foot into the water.

"The water is just right, Anders," I say as I made room for him. He settled himself behind me and I lean against him. He reaches for my hands and rested them on my stomach. "Now I do feel better," I murmur as I close my eyes. I can feel energy flow between us and I realise he is healing me. I relaxed completely and I am nearly asleep when he splashed water onto my face. My eyes fly open and I look at him. He is smiling and his eyes are dancing.

"I did not join you so that you could go to sleep," he teases.

"I am not sleeping. I am merely relaxing and thinking about you," I return.

"You are nearly asleep, love," he says, reaching for my hands and he gives them a squeeze. "I think we should bath otherwise your parents are going to wonder where we are and it is getting late. I feel the need to sleep," he says.

"Alright then, if you would help me," I murmur as I lean forward.

"Your back is bruised, love," he says softly and I feel him gently touch me. "Elfroot Salve would help, so when we are finished, I am going to rub some into your back and then once we have spent some time with the family, we can go to bed," he suggests.

"That sounds most welcoming and I think I am going to have do some serious training with Mabari. I cannot have him charging at people like that. Just now he does more than cause a slipped disc," I say.

"I am thinking about that and I think it would be good for him and you if you spent time together," he suggests.

"As long as you are with me, I don't mind," I tease.

"Love, you could train him on your own," he suggests.

"Anders, I want you with me. I don't like being apart from you. I...I still need you," I tease.

"No, you don't. You are so much better, my love and that makes me happy, but love, I am only teasing you. Perhaps I can teach him a few things," he suggests.

"I think he would like that. He likes you, Anders even though you are a cat person," I point out.

"Oh love, you got me. I do like him, but I am more of a cat person, but no matter, are you ready to get up?" he asks.

"I am," I reply.

"Then sit tight, I must first get out," he states. I move forward giving him room to pull himself out of the bath. He wraps a towel around his waist and he reaches for my hands. "Your turn," he says as he gently pulls me to my feet and he assists me as I step out of the bath.


	54. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 54

**Chapter 54 **

_**Marian**_

I am on my bed writing in my journal in an effort to distract myself from the activity in the house. Everyone is running around trying to finalise the arrangements for my birthday tomorrow. My mother thought it would be a wonderful idea to celebrate my birthday at _Danes Refuge. _I am not happy about it because I want a quiet time at home with Anders and my family but after much debate, I relented and I told her to go ahead with her plans. She felt it would be the perfect opportunity to celebrate our engagement and Anders and I are not happy about that either because of what we are. We already had a visit from the Chantry and they politely reminded us that a marriage would not be possible. I chased them out of the house much to Anders amusement, but my father is annoyed with me. He reprimanded me about it and I politely reminded him that it is his idea to make our engagement official.

My back is still worrying me, but today it is worse than usual. I lean back against my pillows and I stretch my legs out in front of me. I am also feeling frustrated because we has not made love since my injury because I am far too uncomfortable and Anders is feeling more than a bit frustrated.

I glance out of the window, sighing and it is another beautiful day. The sun is shining and the sky is as blue as my father's eyes. If anything, I feel like going for a walk by the river with Anders, but I am busy working on the poem I am writing about him. I head back to my page and I quickly perused. It expressed how deeply I feel about him and someday I hoped to show him the completed poem. It is the same poem I start writing during the time of our separation. I drop my pen and I look out of the window again. Anders has been living with us for nearly three months and I cannot believe it has gone so quickly. It felt like yesterday when he finds me on the field playing with Mabari. We have spent every minute together since then, but now he is out in the village seeing to a sick child and I am alone. Bethany is helping my mother with the birthday celebrations and as for Carver - few words pass between us. I did not have anything to say to him and if I did try, he would glower at me, so I give up saying anything to him.

I sigh and I head back to writing in my journal. I am so absorbed by what I am doing that I startled when I hear my bedroom open. I look up and I stare directly at Anders. He is upset about something and I point to the bed. I put my journal onto the sidetable and I wait for him to make himself comfortable.

"And?" I ask.

"She is so sick, Mari. I don't know how much more I can do for her. I try healing her. I have given her elfroot potion, but she has a very high fever. I...I don't know what is wrong with her. Your father is tending to her now and he told me to come home and rest for a while," he replies.

"Love, I...I am sorry to hear that, but perhaps she needs some time to recover," I murmur, but he stands folding his arms and he stared out of the window.

I stand up and I wrap my arms around him. "I am sure she will be fine. Don't let your confidence waiver, Andy. You are an excellent healer, maybe...maybe, you used too much mana," I suggest as I turn around facing him.  
>"I know, but my focus is not as it should be. I am so frustrated, love," he explains.<p>

"I know you are, but I can't, Anders. As much as I would like to, I simply cannot," I say quietly as I move away from him. He is studying me with hungry eyes and I know why he is feeling the way he is.

"Love, please? It has been a long time since we has any sort of intimacy," he reminds me.

"But today my back feels worse than usual," I explain as I seat myself on the bed. I catch his eye and they are blazing with unspent passion. I can feel the air vibrate with electricity and I ran my eyes the length of his body.

"Please don't do that," he murmurs, forcing me to break my gaze. I pick up my journal and I paged through it. I am feeling just as frustrated as he is and it is not doing me any good. I glance at him and he come striding towards me. He grab my journal and he put it on the sidetable. He reaches for my hands and he pulls me to my feet. "Please," he murmurs as he presses his lips against mine, kissing me passionately. He sighs against my mouth as he ran his hands along the curve of my back. "Please my love?" he murmurs as he cups my face.

"But my back-" I mumble when he presses his lips against mine seeking entrance and I sagged. He quickly tightened his arms around me and I flinched. "Please Anders," I whisper. My back is making itself heard and I am on the verge of tears. I want to make love to him. It has been too long and I missed his intimacy. It did not matter that we shared the same bed and we cuddle up to each other most of the time, but it is not the same. I craved his intimacy. I craved his tenderness and gentleness.

"Just relax," he murmurs and I feel his energy flow between us. "Just for a little while," he murmurs as he gently lifted me in his arms and he deposited me onto the bed. "Mmm, there must be something we can do to make you comfortable," he suggests. I stretch myself out and he reaches for his mother's pillow. He gently lifted me and he places it under me so that it supported my back. "How does that feel?"

I shifted slightly and I feel better. I did not know whether it is because of the pillow or his healing touch, but I feel better. "Thank you, but please be gentle," I whisper. He removes his clothing and he come to me in all his manly glory. He gently lowers himself onto me. He cups my face and he gently kisses me. I grip his back, pulling him closer. I need to feel his warmth. I feel him slide his hands down my legs to the waistband of my comfortable pants and he slowly tugged them off. He skims his hands up my leg and I shiver.

"I hope you are not cold," he teases.

"No...I...No, of course not. Just continue doing that," I say. I cup his head, drawing him closer and I kiss him. He starts working the buttons of my blouse and it is not long until I am lying only in my underclothes. He is moving against me, I feel his erection against my heat, and I arch towards him forgetting about my back. That is until it starts throbbing again.

"Anders," I sob as I try to push him away, but he is too intent on kissing me. "Anders, please," I say firmly and he looks at me with a startled expression.

"Love...I...I...am sorry. What can I do to help you?" he asks.

"Just...Please...heal me," I reply and again, his energy flowed between us, but this time, I use my mana as well. I can feel the pain subside and I close my eyes. I am relaxing and that is exactly what I want.

"How...does...that feel?" he asks, tracing feather light kisses along my jawline. I reach for his hand and he brought it up against his chest, pausing long enough to kiss me.

"I think I can go on," I reply.

"Are you sure?" he asks, as he traced another path of kisses along my jawline, but this time he presses his lips into the hollow of my neck. I can feel him suckle and I arch towards him again.

"Sweet maker, yes," I blurt out and he starts laughing.

"You will tell me if it gets too much?" he asks.

"Yes," I reply as I wrap my arms around him. He gazes at me and he smiles warmly at me.

"You feel more relaxed," he says.

"I...I am," I return.

"That's my Mari," he murmurs.

o0o

"So, love, are you ready to celebrate your birthday tomorrow?" he asks. I am lying contently in his arms tracing circles around his chest and every once in a while, he would sigh.

"I...I...don't know, Andy. I didn't want a celebration," I reply.

"Your mother has gone to a lot of effort, Mari," he reminds me.

"I know, but I would have preferred to have something at home, not at the inn for just about all the villagers to see," I explain.

"Who cares, my love? Who cares if we never get married? We are together, love and that is what matters to me, or don't you feel the same as I do?" he asks.

"Anders, I...I do feel the same and you are what is important to me. What is also important is that you asked for my hand and I accepted. I don't care if we can't get married, but maker willing, we will if we must," I reply.

He laughs. "Now you sound like me."

"Love, you taught me not to care too much about what others think and I am beyond caring. I am where I belong. Maker, if we aren't so young, I would gladly have a child with you that is how much I love you," I say passionately.

"We can you know. There is nothing holding us back from bringing a child into the world," he says softly.

"I know that, but what is holding us back is the stupid Chantry Law stating that any mage child born must be given to the Circle," I state. "I don't want to bring a child into this world only to have to give him or her up to the Circle."

"Love, do you honestly think I would allow our child to be taken from us? I will never ever allow it. The Templars would have to kill me first," he declared.

"Anders, please calm down. Sweet maker, love. I know you dislike the Templars, but what is this?" I ask.

He sighs. "Love, I am sorry. It angers me that they think it is their right to split families apart, but as for you and your family, you are lucky to be free of the Circle," he explains.

"Free?" I scoffed. "No, we are not free. If we are living anywhere else, we would not be so fortunate, but here in Lothering, the villagers accept us and we have never sought to harm anyone and they respect us for that. Besides that, Anders, they need healers because conventional healing methods are not enough sometimes," I explain. "Furthermore, before we moved here, we spent most of my childhood moving from village to village. The Templars are looking for my Father for a reason I will never understand except that he fled the Kirkwall Circle," I explain.

"I still don't understand how you have managed to keep a low profile for so long," he says quietly.

"We don't do any harm, Anders. They need my father and now that they are aware that you can heal, they will need you as well. They have already called upon you a few times," I state.

"I know, but I have permission from the First Enchanter himself. I worry about you, Mari. What if they try to have you arrested?" he asks.

"They won't, love. We have been here for twelve years now. I doubt they will try and love, please stop worrying about it. We will be fine. I doubt the villagers will turn us in. The Templars and Chantry are very aware that they have four mages in Lothering and because they need healers, we will be fine."

"I...I know, but I love you too much and I will fight for you if the need should arise," he says softly as he brushes my fringe back.

"I don't think that will be necessary, but thank you. Love that is exactly why I love you so much - your unfailing devotion means the world to me and, maker help me, I will marry you someday and I will have your child," I declare.

"I love you, my sweet Marian and tomorrow you will be nineteen. What could be better?" he asks.

"Love, please don't remind me," I tease as I disentangled myself out of his arms. I stand by the bed and I stretch myself. "Ah, that feels much better...Well? Are you going to spend the rest of the afternoon in bed?"

"No. I am just thinking about going for a walk. Would you care to join me?" he asks.

"I would like that, Anders. The exercise will do me good," I reply.

"Then it is settled," he says as he scrambles out of bed. I sigh as I watch him dress himself. He is in excellent form and there is nothing more enjoyable then having his body flush against mine. I tingled at the thought and I quickly turns away from him before he could see how flushed I am feeling. I tentatively bent down to retrieve my clothing and I feel his hands on my hips.

"You shouldn't bend your back like that," he says softly as he gently pulls me up against him and he me.

"I...I know, but at least I am where I want to be," I tease and he laughs into my neck causing my skin to break out in gooseflesh.

"My lovely Mari," he murmurs. He turns me around and he kisses my forehead. "I love you."

"Andy, I love you with all I have," I return. He slips his arms around me and he embraces me intimately. I enjoyed being so close to him. He gives me a sense of peace I did not know existed until he came into my life.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Leandra<strong>_

As I head pass their bedroom, I hear a lot of laughter and I open their door. He is embracing her and to my surprise, well I should not be surprised, she is only in her underwear. I close their door and I head back into the living room thinking that perhaps they has spent the afternoon making love. I am smiling to myself when I sit down. Malcolm is watching me and as for the twins, they are out taking Mabari for a walk.

"Is everything ready for tomorrow?" he asks.

"Yes. All we need to do is show up. I hope Marian won't fight me on this," I reply.

"She agrees to it, did she not?" he asks.

"Yes, but she put up a fight, Mal. She expressed her disapproval about the whole thing, but I think she will be pleased as well as Anders," I reply.

"And why are you smiling like that, Leandra?"

"Well, I just peaked into their room for a minute only to find them sharing an intimate embrace," I reply. I am not going to tell him that his daughter is only in her underclothes.

"Leandra, you should have knocked. What if they are...busy?" he asks.

I laugh. "Mal, I think they are...busy for most of the afternoon and love, what about his patient?" I ask.

"The young child? She will be fine. He asks me to examine her because he is not sure what is wrong with her. He is very upset because he try everything to help her, but I told him to come home," he replies.

"You must tell him, love. I am sure he would like to know. Yes, he come striding in and he quickly went to Marian. That is the last time I saw him until now, "I explain.

"I will as soon as they decide to join us. I am sure he will be relieved. Love, what am I going to do about Carver? Do you know that he has not says two words to Marian? She tries talking to him, but he glares at her and I think it is upsetting her."

"I...I don't know, Malcolm. He appears to dislike her intensely and it is more apparent when Anders is around, although he has all the time in the world for Beth...He spends a lot of time with her and that is also worrying me," I explain.

He frown. "Why? Do you think it is time we put them into separate bedrooms?" he asks.

"How can we do that? We don't have the sovereigns and we cannot keep Mari and Anders apart either," I reply.

"Love, they are children, but then again, they are nearly teenagers and they are growing up. Mmm, perhaps we need to do something, but love; they have never been separated since their birth. They will put up such a fight," he explains.

"A fight? Who is fighting?" Malcolm and I turn around only to see Marian and Anders standing by the door holding hands. They are both looking extremely about something and all I can do is smile at them.

"We feel it is time to separate Carver and Bethany. They need to go into separate rooms. They are spending far too much time together," I explain.

"What are you saying?" Marian asks.

"Mari, it is unhealthy for them to spend some much time together. I worry...I worry about what may happen," I explain.

"Instead of separating them, Mother, perhaps you should give them _The Talk_?" she suggests.

I glance at Malcolm and he is smiling at me. I remembered the day we gave Marian _The Talk_ and it is quite funny. She is very embarrassed. We explains everything as best we could to her and then we allowed her to go off to think about it and She comes back to me a few days later with a few questions and we has many more talks thereafter. That is why I am not too concerned when she told me about Anders. She is no fool, my Marian. She is the most level-headed person I know and I am not surprised when she told me that she and Anders are intimate after a couple of months.

"Mother, if you are so concerned, then you better speak to them and soon otherwise I don't know, but please don't ask me to do it. I have nothing to say to Carver. I can speak to Beth if you would like, but it would be best if you and father spoke to them," she suggests.

"What do you think, Malcolm? Do you think they are ready to listen to what we have to say?" I ask.

"She is right, Leandra. We do need to chat to them about it and we should do it as soon as possible," he replies.

"Mother, we are going for a walk. We will see you later," Marian says.

"Oh alright. Anders, your patient - she will be fine," I inform him and he smiles.

"Thank the Maker. I am so worried. Thank you for your assistance, Malcolm. I appreciate it," he says as he and my husband glanced at each other.

"You only need to ask, Anders and I will assist, but I don't think you should keep Marian waiting. She is growing impatient. She obviously wants you to herself for a while," he teases.

"Father, hush," she returns.

"It is the truth, Mari and besides, the exercise will be good for you," he says.

"I know...That is why we are going for a walk. We will see you later," she says as she drags Anders to the door.

"Love, please slow down," Anders says, laughing.

"Well?" I ask Malcolm.

"We speak to them as soon as they return, but what is really worrying you? Do you really think they will...experiment?" he asks.

"I...I don't know, but it does no harm by being cautious. They have become extremely close," I explain.

"I...I know. Then we chat to them this evening. Love, would you mind making tea for us. We have a few hours to ourselves," he says.

"And what exactly do you have in mind?" I ask, holding my hands towards him. He takes them and he pulls me onto his lap.

"Some time with my wife," he replies and before I can think, he kisses me. I find myself slipping my arms around his neck and our kiss deepens. It has been a while since we had any quiet time together...


	55. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 55

**Chapter 55**

_**Anders**_

"Love," I call softly as I caress her cheek. It is nearly 7am and she is fast asleep. "Mari love," I whisper. She looks so peaceful and I want to kiss her, but at the same time, I did not want to disturb her. I brush her fringe back and she moves slightly. "Mari love," I call as I kiss her forehead. She opens her eyes and she gives me a sleepy smile.

"She awakens," I tease.

"Hey you," she murmurs as she touches my face.

"Happy Birthday, Mari," I murmur as I settle myself on top of her.

"Mmm, you should greet me like this every morning," she teases.

"Love, I do, but today is your birthday and I would like to give you a proper greeting," I tease as I gently kiss her.

"Happy Birthday, my love," I whisper allowing our kiss to deepen. She moves restlessly beneath me and then I feel her hands on my shorts.

"Thank you, Andy," she says huskily.

"I have something for you," I murmur as I reach over to the sidetable. I sit up taking her with me and I reach for her hand. "I find this while we are in Denerim and I think you would like it," I say as I slip a very fine gold bracelet onto her wrist. It fit her perfectly and she is delighted.

"Andy, thank you," she says softly, flinging her arms around me.

"Oh love, it is a pleasure. You know I will do anything for you," I murmur as I embrace her. "I love you and I hope you will enjoy your day."

She pulls away. "You say that as if you are going out for the day...Are you?" she asks.

"No, I am not, but I am going to check on my patient later, but you are welcome to come with me. In fact, I insist that you do," I reply.

"I would love to and thank you for your gift, Andy," she says softly.

"I have something else for you," I say as I gently push her away. I got up and I head to the desk. On it is a bouquet of her favourite flowers. "These are for you."

"Oh love. Thank you. They are still my favourite," she says.

"I know," I return as I seat myself next to her. I take the flowers from her and I place them next to the bed.

"Come," I murmur as I embrace her again.

"I love you, Anders and thank you. You are truly the best," she says softly.

"Not really, love, but thank you," I say quietly.

"To me you are the best," she returns.

"So what you are going to do today?" I ask.

"I don't know. Can we go for a walk later? Just you and me and maybe Mabari?" she asks.

"We went for one yesterday, love," I remind her.

"I...I know, but I...I want to be somewhere private for a couple of hours," she says.

"You, me and the sounds of the flowing river as we make the most intimate love to each other...It sounds good, but are you up to it? How is your back?" I ask.

"Well," she says, stretching herself. I take a deep breath when I notice the swell of her breasts under her chemise. I reach out and I touch her. "Anders," she says softly, reaching for my wandering hand. I gently squeezed her and she sighs softly. "Now would be the perfect time," she teases as she moves my hand up and around the swell of breast and I feel the familiar tightening in my loins. She winked at me and this only heightened my awareness of her.

"Don't tease me, Mari," I murmur as I push up her chemise exposing her and I lower my mouth onto her nipple where I suckled her eliciting low moans from her.

"You are so beautiful," I murmur, raising myself to meet her eyes. She is flushed and I move to her mouth where I planted a firm kiss on her lips.

"Oh Anders," she murmurs.

I do not know how far we would have taken it, but someone knocking on the door interrupted us and I roll off her.

"Who it is?" I call. I stretch myself out next to her and I cover us with a sheet. I did not need anyone to see what we are doing.

"Anders? It is Beth. May I come in and is Mari awake?" she calls.

"You can come in, Beth," I reply. As soon as she steps into the room she bounds towards us and she embraces Mari.

"Happy Birthday, Sis. Mother says that you should not take too long. She has prepared a special breakfast for you and Anders," she explains.

"Where is Carver?" Marian asks and Bethany avoids looking at her.

"He is annoyed with mother and father for giving us _The Talk_ last night. He isn't around when I woke up," she replies.

"And how do you feel about _The Talk_?" she asks.

"I understand now what goes on when two people who love each other want quiet time," she replies and we started laughing.

"Do you know where he might have gone to?" Mari asks.

"I think he takes Mabari for a walk in the fields. I do not understand why Carver is ugly to you. He is never ugly to me," she explains.

"I know why, Beth," I say. "He is jealous of Mari and he resents her for a reason we don't understand," I explain.

"But he loves me, Anders. He told me so yesterday," she says and I catch Marian's eye. She is frowning and she looks concerned.

"Of course he loves you, Beth. You are his sister," Marian says quietly, but she concerned.

"I know and I love him. He used to be ugly to me about being a mage, but now he wants to spend all his time with me," she explains.

"And you?" Marian asks.

"I love my brother, Sis and I enjoy spending time with him especially when we take Mabari for a walk," she replies. "Anyway, I only come to wish you happy birthday and to tell you that breakfast is nearly ready," she says and she flounced out of our room closing the door behind her.

"I think they had _The Talk_ just in time, Andy. Sweet maker, I hope it is only innocent, brother-sister love," she says.

"She clearly adores him, but he is a strong for a twelve-year old," I say. "But Mari love, it is your birthday today. Please don't worry your pretty head about it."

"I am not Andy love," she says and I start laughing.

"Mari love," I tease. "I think we join your family for breakfast," I remind her as I slip out of bed. I put on fresh clothes and as I turn around, she slips her arms around me.

"Mmm...I love you," she says.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

"Happy Birthday, Mari," my mother greets me as Anders and I step into the kitchen. I have my arms wrapped securely around his waist much to his amusement.

"Thank you," I return as I reluctantly release him so that she could embrace me.

"Nineteen years old...I cannot believe it. Where is my little girl?" she whispers.

"She is still here, Mother, but she is a woman now," I tease.

"I know and you are so much happier these days," she says as she steps away from me. I quickly slip my arms around Anders' waist and he put his arm around my shoulder.

"And you and him are inseparable," she teases.

"What do you expect? I only want to be with him," I tease.

"I know but you also want to spend time with your family and you want to do that right now, so please sit down and we can all have breakfast," she suggests.

I glance at Anders and he is clearly amused about something. "We would like that, Leandra but then I am taking Marian for a walk and after that we are going to check on my patient," he says.

"And your birthday is not many months either and you will be turning twenty-one. How does that make you feel?" she asks.

"I haven't really thought about it, Leandra," he replies.

"We will have to celebrate, Anders," she says and he shakes his head.

"That won't be necessary and besides, it's Mari's birthday today and I would like to keep my focus on her," he says.

"I...I know. I would like to have something for you, though. You are so much a part of our family and I am sure she will be in agreement," she says.

"Mother, let us discuss it another day, shall we?" I politely ask.

"Oh then sit down you two," she says quietly. Anders pulls my chair out for me and I sit down. He sat next to me and he places his hand on my thigh. He did that every time we sat next to each other and my hand joined his where we entwined our fingers. I sigh contently when he starts rubbing my hand. I love it when he did that. I find it so relaxing.

"So what are two going to do down by the river?" my mother asks. I glance at him and he winks at me.

"I don't know. We just want some...quiet time," I reply.

"You should take your siblings with you," she suggests.

"Not today, Mother and besides I don't feel like Carver's sulkiness and attitude. It will spoil my day," I say.

"I...I suppose he will, but I honestly don't know what is the matter with these days. He is not impressed when we gave him _The Talk_ last night. Bethany handled it better," she informs me.

"I know. I have already asks her, haven't I, Beth?" I ask and she smiles at me. I study her for a while and she appeared to thinking about something and then started blushing.

"Excuse me," she murmurs as she back out of the kitchen. I hear her slam the bedroom and I catch his eye.

"What is wrong with her?" I ask my mother.

"I...I honestly don't know. Mari, your father and I concerned about them. Carver can be very domineering and it worries me that perhaps the reason he is spending so much time with her...It is not innocent," she explains.

"Mother, they are still young. What could they possibly know about that?" I ask. _Unless they have seen Anders and I..._"I really don't think that is the case, Mother. They have always been close, but I think I am going to speak to her. Whatever it is, it must be stop before it gets out of hand."

"Fine, speak to her then. Perhaps you will have better luck because I certainly can't get it out of her," she says.

"Love, I won't be long," I murmur to Anders.

"I know and I will be here, love. After all I am looking forward to breakfast with my future mother-in-law," he teases and I head out laughing. It sounded strange coming from him, but I am happy.

o0o

"Beth?" I call as I open her bedroom door. I step in only to find her sitting on her bed, looking very confused and upset about something.

"What is it?" I ask as I kneel in front of her taking her hands in mine.

"I am fine, Mari. I think I've started my...you know...I am very sore over here," she replies pointing to her stomach.

I smile at her. "Beth, it is natural, you know. Did Mother explain it to you or would you rather want me to explain it?" I ask softly.

"She did, but because Carver is with me, she did not say much. What does it mean?" she asks.

"Well," I say as I sit on the bed and I slip my arm around her shoulder. "It can be uncomfortable but it is part of being a woman. It means that you are growing up."

"But what does it mean?" she asks.

"Well, this will happen every month. What it means is that once a month, you body releases an egg. If you make love to someone you love, you could fall pregnant, if not, and fourteen days later you will have your monthlies, but surely Mother explains some of this to you?" I ask.

"Not in so many words, but I have a question...Um...Why have you not fallen pregnant? I...Carver and I have seen you, Mari. Not so long ago down by the river," she says softly and I feel my cheeks grow warm.

_Sweet Maker..._ "We are careful, that is why. Now I have to ask you something, has Carver shown you or anything like that?" I ask and she blushes.

"Once before...Mari, I don't want mother and father to know," she implores.

I am feeling shocked. "Beth, a brother and sister can't do what you saw Anders and I doing," I explain. I am not going to go into more detail because it would only make her curious.

"Well, so it is normal to feel like this?" she asks.

"Oh yes it is, so please don't worry about it. It is all part of growing up and become a woman," I reply.

"Oh Mari, thank you. You are the best," she says as flung herself into my arms.

"That is what I am here for," I return, but I am feeling concerned about her. "And you tell Carver to behave like a gentleman," I continue.

"I will, but when has he ever listened to me?" she asks.

We stand up, linking arms and we went back into the kitchen. Carver and my father are sitting around the table with Anders and my mother.

"So?" my mother asks.

"It is nothing to worry about, I assure you," I reply.

"Happy Birthday, Mari," my father says as he embraces me.

"Thank you, father," I say politely as I pull away from him.

"This is for you. It is from all of us," he says as he drops a gold broach into my hand.

"We thought you would like this, Mari. We have notices you have taken to wearing jewellery and I can only assume it is because of the gifts Anders has given to you. We felt it is only fair that we are represented as well," he explains. The broach is oval and it has a blue stone set in it. It is beautiful and I cannot stop smiling.

"Thank you so much. I like it. I think I am going to wear it today," I say.

"Would you like me to put it on for you or would you rather have Anders do it? He is giving me the eye or he just wants an excuse to be close to you," my father teases.

"Malcolm, I...Yes you are right," Anders says as he stands. My father steps away from me allowing Anders space. I drop the broach into his hand. "Mmm, it is beautiful, just like you, my love," he says softly as he pinned it on to my blouse. "Are still going for that walk?" he asks as he brought my hands to his lips.

"We need to have a chat about that, but I still have to eat," I remind him.

"I know...Mmm, alright. I suppose I can wait a few more minutes," he says.

"Of course you can," I tease.


	56. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

_**Anders**_

"Anders, I need to speak to you about something," she informs me as soon as we settle in our usual spot by the river. It is secluded but it is not very private. She snuggles up to me and I slip my arm around her waist.

"Let me guess...Does this have anything to do with Bethany? Because if it does, I didn't bring you here for that," I say.

"Carver and Bethany have seen us making love," she informs me.

"So?" I ask.

"They saw us the other day, Anders. Maker knows what they were doing following us to this very spot but I can only assume that is exactly what they did," she explains.

"Again...What does it matter?" I ask.

"They are still young, Anders. I don't want them getting any ideas," she replies.

"I wouldn't worry about that and thank you for spoiling my mood," I mutter as I stand.

"Your mood? What about my mood, Anders? It is my birthday," she retorts as she stand up to face me.

"I don't care if they saw us, Marian. If I want some time with you, I will get it," I reply.

She starts smiling as she skims her fingers along my chest. "I do so love it when you are angry," she teases. Her response surprises me, but I am also pleased. "And I don't care if everyone sees us. That is not going to stop me," she continues. She steps away from me, turning on her heel, but before she goes any further, I grab her arm.

"Where do think you are going?" I ask, feigning anger and she whips around with blue eyes flashing.

"Let me go," she huskily says, and before she realises it, I pull her roughly into my arms and I kiss her. She breaks off the kiss long enough to push me roughly against the tree and before I realise it she is kissing me as she tries to grab my hands.

"Oh no you don't," I murmur, breaking off the kiss long enough to change our positions. Unlike her, I push her gently against the tree; after all, I don't want to hurt her. I pin her hands above her much to her surprise, but she is also delighted.

"Oh, I love it when you are in control," she teases and this only increases my desire for her.

"Is that so? I thought you liked to be in control," I tease, pressing myself against her soft body.

"I'm never in control, Andy," she whispers.

"Mmm, we can always change that," I suggest.

"No, I don't want to change it, but," she says as she takes a step back.

"What?" I ask, closing the distance.

"Please sit down," she replies.

"Why my love? I want to make love to you. Why are you asking me to sit down?"

"Please sit, Andy," she replies.

"Fine...Fine, I will. Just give me a chance," I retort and she looks away from me. "I...I apologise my love. I did not mean to say it quiet like that," I explain. I gently cup her face, forcing her to look at me and she is actually crying.

"Oh my love, I am such an ass. I have just spoilt your day, haven't I?" I ask, reaching for her hand.

"You have, but you can make it up to me," she replies.

I laugh. "Oh yes, I am," I tease. I lead her back to the tree and we both slide to the ground. "Come," I murmur as I remove my shirt. She presses her hands against my chest as she lowers her lips to mine. I gently hold her arms as our kiss lingers.

"Mmm," she mumbles as she moves away from me.

"Love..." I protest, but she presses her finger against my lips.

"Not a word from you," she teases.

"Oh alright...I suppose I deserve it," I tease. I lean back against the tree folding my arms and to my surprise she unbuttons her blouse. She drops her broach into my hand and I frown at her. "What am I supposed to do with it?" I ask, amused.

"Keep it safe will you?" she replies and I start laughing. She is clearly taking control and it excites me. I grab my shirt and I pin it on making sure it is secure and when I turn my attention back to Mari, she is only in her underwear.

"Mari what are you doing?" I ask, surprised. I cannot believe my eyes, but my disbelief changes into utmost pleasure as I appraise her beautiful body. I know every inch of her, every sensitive spot and I know what to do to get the reaction I desired, but now she is pushing my buttons by deliberately flaunting herself in front of me. She is still watching me and I reach out to her. "You better come here, love," I tease. She grins at me as she ambles towards me, swinging her hips and I laugh. She looks quite comical, but my humour changes into an appreciative sigh as she settles herself on my lap.

"Love, you are such a tease. This is the last thing I expected you to do for me. If anything, I should be stripping myself for you because it is your birthday," I tease.

"Mmm...Well, this is me taking control," she teases and to my delight, she kisses me. She gently swirls her tongue around my mouth while I remove her bra. I sigh as she presses herself into me. I move my hands down the curve of her back and I slip my hands into her underwear, cupping her buttocks. She is working my belt and I let out a sigh when I am free of my pants and shorts.

"May I?" I ask, gently lifting her.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

"And I would like to propose a toast to the birthday girl." I smile at my father as I raise my glass. We are all at _Danes Refuge_ and my birthday is in full swing. It is nearly 8pm and I know I am in for a long night. Anders is next to me holding my hand and he is looks...contented. I did not blame him after the show I gave to him this morning at the river. He is also smiling about something.

I raise my glass to my father and he smiles at me.

"To Marian, she has grown into a sensible young woman although she did have a few mishaps along the way," he says, winking at me. "But since Anders has been in her life, she is the happiest she has ever been. I am just sorry that I didn't bring him to you earlier, Mari, especially because of your difficult separation," he continues. I put my glass down and wait for him to continue.

"Your mother and I were very concerned about you, but I am grateful that Anders is with you and perhaps someday, he will become my son-in-law...," he says quietly. I glance at Anders and he is surprised, but pleased.

"Thank you, Malcolm," he says politely.

"Mari, your mother and I would also like to tell you that we love you very much and whatever life brings you, we will support you wholeheartedly and Anders, welcome to the family," he says softly. Anders stands, never letting go of my hand.

"Thank you, Malcolm. You do not know how much it means to me to have a family, but this night is for my beautiful Marian. Mari, I love you and I always will. I am glad you came into my life when you did. You have brought me so much joy, love, happiness and more importantly, a family. May the maker shine on us someday so that you and I can be a family even though we already are a family," he says softly. "You are my shining light, love and I will always be there for you." He pulls me up into his arms and he kisses me. "I love you," he whispers. "Now it is your turn," he says as he gently pushes me away.

I reluctantly release his hand and I turn around to look at my family. They are all smiling at me, but what is most surprising is that Carver is smiling at me as well. I catch his eye and I acknowledge his small gesture. He looks away from me and he stares into his glass.

"I would like to thank my family for planning my birthday celebration even though we all know it is not just for my benefit," I say, staring at them in turn. I am about to continue when Aaron walked in and he come striding towards me. He is stumbling slightly and I wonder if he is drunk again. I turn my attention back to my family and the patrons.

"Anders and I also engaged," I continue. There is dead silence amidst all the questionable stares from everyone. I catch Anders eye and he is frowning. My confidence falters and I tear my gaze away from him. I glance at everyone again and I bolt for the door. I find my way to the field behind the inn and I sit down, wrapping my arms around my legs. _I was too bold. Maker, Marian, you are a fool telling everyone about the engagement when you know it will not be approved of...Shit..._

I startle when I hear footsteps behind me and I jump to my feet ready to defend myself. My mana stirs beneath my skin and I turn around only to see Aaron watching me.

"You scared me, Aaron," I mutter.

"I'm sorry. Are you alright?" he asks.

"What do you care?" I ask.

"You know I care about you, Marian," he replies, closing the distance between us.

"That is close enough, Aaron," I warn, taking two steps back.

"Fine, you can relax. I won't come any closer, but would you mind terribly if I wished you happy birthday?" he asks.

I sigh. "No, I won't mind," I reply. He closes the distance between us and he enfolds me in a hug.

"Happy Birthday, Mari," he murmurs.

"Thank you," I say quietly as I find myself embracing him.

"He is a lucky man to have won your heart, Mari," he says as he gently pushes me away.

"You think so?" I ask, stepping away from him.

"He loves you, Mari and I wish you all the best. Now, I think I better return otherwise I don't think he will be pleased if he finds me with you," he says.

"And right you are. Mari?" Anders calls as He steps out of the shadows.

"You can stop worrying, Anders. I only wished her happy birthday. I am going back to the inn anyway. I need another drink. Mari, I hope you will enjoy the rest of your evening. See you," he says, turning on his heel.

"Yes. See you," I call, but I am more interested in Anders. He closes the distance between us.

"Why did you tell everyone?" he asks.

"Why should we hide, Anders?" I ask.

"Love, please don't be annoyed with me. After much thought, I realised that I don't want to hide our engagement from anyone. We are human just like everyone else and we should be treated as such," he replies.

I stare at him, surprised. "You don't mind? What did my parents say?" I ask.

"They were a bit shocked, but after I spoke to them, they thought it was the right thing to do. They are waiting for you, love. We are all waiting for you. Come back with me and we can dance the rest of the evening away," he says quietly.

"I...I should have told you of my intention, Andy. I am sorry. I just thought that this celebration was not only for my birthday..." I trail away.

"Mari love, please come here. I do not mind. In fact, I am glad it is out in the open. We are so open about our involvement in the Circle, but we are safe there. Here, we are not safe, but your father told me not to worry about it. He says I am under his care and the villagers would have to accept that," he explains.

"Anders, we did not visit your patient today. I hope she is better," I say quietly. I just remembered that we are supposed to see her, but we were distracted.

"Your father checked on her she is fine. In fact, I am sure I saw her mother at the inn. As I was leaving, she was chatting to him wanting to know if we had any Elfroot potion for her," he explains.

"That is a relief. Remind me next time not to distract you from your healing duties," I tease as I gaze directly into his brown eyes.

He laughs. "Love, that is impossible. I find I am distracted most of the time, anyway although I do retain my focus when I am healing someone."

"Your focus is a far better than mine, but I think we should go back," I say.

"Do we have to?" he asks, slipping his arms around my waist. I rest my hands on his chest. I feel the gentle thump-thump of his heart and I rest my head on his chest. It is so comforting and soothing; I can feel myself drift off to sleep.

"Love, the night is still young," he says.

"I know. I feel like going home," I explain.

"We will after we have spent another couple of hours showing them our dance moves," he teases.

"Oh alright, you win. At least I can look forward to the prospect of being in your arms for the rest of the evening," I return.

o0o

"Anders, please don't do that again," I tease. I clutch his arm tightly because I am feeling rather dizzy. We are in the middle of the dance floor showing everyone our moves and they are enjoying themselves but the amount of whistling and applauding that is going on.

"One more, love, then we can have something to drink," he says as we sway past my parent's table. They are deep in conversation about something.

"You should join us, Mother," I tease as we stop for a minute to catch our breath.

"Now you have asks for it, Mari. Did I ever tell that your father and I dance exceptionally well?" she asks.

"You have now. Join us," I encourage. Anders moves away from them. We dance past Bethany and Carver. They are having a conversation about maker knows what and they are holding hands.

"Anders, look at them," I say. They are holding hands in much the same way Anders and I did.

"They are very close aren't they? Mmm, I would not worry about it. They are not harming anyone, love," he says reasonably.

I sigh. "I know and you are right."

"Come, your parents beckon," he informs me. We join them in the middle of the dance floor and my father reaches for my hands.

"You and I, Mari," he says firmly as he pulls me away from my fiancé.

"But-" I protest.

"Go on, Mari. I will look after Anders," my mother teases and she heads off with Anders much to his delight.

"Well?" I ask my father as he twirls me around.

"Nothing. I just want to dance with my daughter," he replies.

I smile. "I love you, Father," I whisper.

"I love you to, but have you thought about getting married?" he asks.

"Um...We have not discussed it because we can't, not at this stage. How can we?" I ask.

"I...I know, but everyone knows..." he reminds me.

"I know...But the law makes it difficult for us. The Chantry won't conduct the ceremony, so we will wait until the Chantry is ready for a union between mages," I explain.

"Wiser words were never spoken, Mari, but...How do I say this without making you feel uncomfortable?" he asks.

We sway around the floor and we dance past Anders and my mother. They are laughing about something and that pleases me.

"Tell me. I can take it," I encourage.

"Are you and Anders still cautious?" he asks.

"Um...Not really," I reply.

"Then what happens if you should conceive?" he asks.

"Now you sound like Mother...Father, then we do the responsible thing and raise our child in the best way we can," I explain.

"Mmm...It sounds as if you and Anders have discussed it at length," he says.

"We have. We are as careful as we can be, but not as careful as we should be," I admit.

"Then I must insist that you remain careful," he advises.

"I...I know, but are you done?" I ask. I am feeling agitated. I don'tt like my father lecturing me.

"Well, here he is," he informs me as he releases my hands. I step into Anders arms and he gives me a kiss.

"Mmm, why are you frowning?" he asks as we sashay away from my parents.

"Can we go home now? I have had enough," I reply.

"What did he say?" he asks.

"He wanted to know if you and I are still being careful," I reply.

"Not this again?" he mutters.

"I know. I am also annoyed. Honestly, what is it to them anyway? So what if I do conceive, Anders?"

He starts laughing at me and my agitation slowly subsides. I enjoy hearing him laugh. It always sounds so happy.

"That is better," he teases.

"Oh love," I murmur as I rest my head on his shoulder. He tightens his arms around me and we sway to our own private music. For the moment, it feels as if everything fades into the background and it is just the two of us, sharing a special moment


	57. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

_**Marian**_

_Six months_ have passed since my birthday and in a few days; it is going to be Anders' birthday. I am in the Chantry listening to the _Chant of Light_. It has become part of my daily routine to seek solace away from Carver's increasing hatred of me. He has nothing pleasant to say and every single time he sees Anders and I together, he frowns for maker knows what reason. The only person he cares about is Bethany and they spend hours together. That is when my father was not teaching her about magic or when Carver was not training with his swords.

_What a lot of nonsense,_ I think to myself after hearing the Chant for the second time today. Most if it did not make sense to me. The only verse that I understood goes like this:

_Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him. _

_Foul and corrupt are they who have taken His gift and turns it against His children._

_They shall be named Maleficar, accursed ones._

_They shall find no rest in this world or beyond..._

And I did not agree with it. It made mages sound dangerous when that is not exactly the case. Well, Anders and I are not dangerous and nor is my father or Bethany. It is also pointless asking the priestesses what it means because they could never answer me or they did not want to answer me.

I sigh, getting to my feet and I trudge out into the late afternoon air. I take a deep breath and I quicken my pace. It is my hope that Anders would be at home. We hardly saw each other, except for the evenings since he is in great demand for his healing magic. I am also lonely. I did assist him when he needed me to, but not today.

As I open the gate leading to our front door, Mabari charges out. He sits as soon as he is close to me and he holds out his paw. He is so big. His head is in line with my mid thigh and I am beginning to worry whether he would ever stop growing.

"Hello boy. Miss me?" I greet him, taking his paw and giving it a firm shakes. He barks in reply and he licks my face. I sit next to him and he rests his head on my shoulder. I am not ready to go inside just yet and be at the mercy of my brother, but he strides towards me. I cringe away from him because he is taller than I am and he is extremely strong and he would be thirteen in the coming months. As far as I was concerned, my mother had given birth to a giant. He stands over me giving me a condescending look, but Mabari stands protectively in front of me.

"So you are home at last, sister. Spend another day mulling over the chant and no doubt wondering what it all means?" he asks. I glare at him and I get to my feet. He is not going to get away with intimidating me anymore.

"What is it to you what I do with my time and why should you care?" I ask as I slowly circle him. I laugh. "I forgot, you don't care," I continue.

"Damn right I don't. The only person I care about is Bethany," he returns.

"Then run along like a good boy, Carver," I goad and he turns red.

"Stop treating me as a child," he mutters.

"I will when you stop acting like one," I retort.

"You frustrate me, Marian," he blurts out.

"Why is that, Carver? Is it merely jealousy or is it because you enjoy hiding in my shadow because that is exactly what you do."

"And whose fault is that, Sis? After all the time father spent with you and my Bethany? How else do you expect me to react?" he asks.

I frown. "Carver, she is your twin sister, not your girlfriend," I murmur and he turns crimson. I realise I have hit a nerve.

"No...That is not what I meant. I know she is my sister-" he trails away. I appraise him and I notice his clenched fists. I step away from him and I notice a bulge in his nether regions.

"Carver, she is your sister. Surely what you feel for her is brotherly love?" I ask warily.

"Of course it is only brotherly love," he returns, turning away from me. I tentatively approach him and I touch him on his shoulder. I can feel him trembling. He whips around, grabbing my hands and he stares directly into my eyes. His blue eyes are flashing dangerously.

"Let me go, Carver," I warn, trying to shrug myself out of his dangerously tight grip. His nails are digging into my wrists and they are throbbing painfully.

"I said, let me go," I warn. I can feel my mana stir and I am dangerously close to defending myself if I have to.

He glares at me, dropping my wrists and he backs away from me. I sit down, massaging my painful wrists. I look out over the village expecting him to go inside, but he sits uncomfortably close to me.

"What do you want now?" I ask.

"Nothing," he replies.

After a few tense minutes, I stand and my heart starts thumping loudly. I wander to the gate and I open it. Anders and my father are on their way home. I glance back at Carver, expecting him to be sitting there, but he is gone.

"Love," Anders calls and I run into his open arms.

"I've missed you terribly today," he whispers as he swings me around.

"Yes. All he has spoken about it Mari this and Mari that and how he intends taking you out this evening," my father informs me.

"Malcolm, I was supposed to tell her that, not you," Anders teases.

"I know. I will see you just now and Anders, you can still tell her," he says.

"Tell me what?" I ask as he swings me around a second time.

"What do you think about going to _Danes Refuge_ for a drink?" he asks.

"How was your day?" I ask, wrapping my arms securely around his waist as we stroll up the path to the porch.

"Very busy, but satisfying to say the least. I really enjoy helping others. It makes me happy," he replies.

"I thought made you happy," I tease.

"Of course you do, but when you help a sick child or help a mother give birth and all ends well, it fills me a great sense of satisfaction, but right now, I want another type of satisfaction," he says.

"Then come with me," I murmur as I grab his hands. We stumble into the living room laughing much to the surprise of my family.

"Hello. Your father mentioned that you might go out this evening. Are you?" my mother asks.

"No, I don't think so. We thought we would rather spend time at home," I reply.

"Yes, I am tired tonight, Leandra. I have had a long day, but it is satisfying," he murmurs.

"Alright then, see you in the morning and Marian, tomorrow I would like to have a word with you about something," she says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Marian, I am going to bed. I can barely think straight," Anders informs me.

"Then go to bed. I won't be long," I return. I watch him stride up the passage and he looks dejected. I know it is a ruse. He wants me to himself for the evening.

"Marian, have you thought about what we are going to do for his birthday?" my mother asks.

"We...I haven't discussed it with him. I will speak to him this evening about it, but I don't think he wants something big. I think he would enjoy having a small celebration here at home," I reply.

"Mari, your mother and I have decided to give him one of my staves. It is ideal for a healer and it will serve him well," my father explains.

"And we were wondering if you would do the honour of giving it to him? I don't know if you want to get him something," my mother put in.

"I have already bought him something, mother. We found a black tunic at the market the other day that he liked, so I bought it for him," I explain.

"Father, I think you should present the staff to him, not me," I suggest.

"You think so, but I think you would do the honour," he says.

"You give it to him. He will be delighted, that much is certain, but I really should go to bed. I have also has a long day," I say.

"Will you ask him when you get the chance?" my mother asks.

I laugh. "Don't worry. I will," I reply, but it did not mean I would ask him tonight.

o0o

I find him sprawled diagonally across our bed, leaving very little room for me. He appears to be sleeping, but as I lightly touch his naked back, he shifts slightly. I turn away from him and I slowly undress myself. I am feeling tired and if anything, I want to cuddle with him. We cuddled most nights these days. We rarely felt the need to make love, but when we did, it was so intense. I did not know whether I was coming or going and he found it all rather amusing.

I am unbuttoning my blouse, deep in thought about asking him what he wants us to do for his birthday when I feel a comforting presence behind me. I smile quietly to myself pretending not to notice when he touches my shoulder. I smile even more as I remove my blouse. It is hardly off when he slips his arms around me. I lean against him forcing him to support me. He proceeds to nuzzle my neck and trace kisses along my jawline eliciting soft sighs from me.

"Anders," I murmur.

"Mmm?" he replies.

"What would you like to do for your birthday?" I ask.

He seizes his teasing of me and I know he is thinking. At the same time, he is tracing circles on my stomach eliciting more sighs from me.

"Spend time with my fiancée and her family at home," he replies.

"So you don't want to go out and spend it at the inn?" I ask.

"No. I want to be at...home," he replies. I notice his hesitation and I turn slightly so that I can look at him.

"Are you still getting used to calling this your home?" I ask, surprised. He has been free of the Circle for nine months and he loves every minute of it. I did not know if it is because he feels free or if it is because we are together.

"I...sometimes find it difficult to believe. I am scared it is all going to come crashing down around us," he replies. I turn myself around so that I can see his handsome face.

"Why...Why do you think that?" I ask, frowning.

"I...I don't know. When I think about it, my heart drops into the pit of my stomach," he replies.

"Andy, it won't come crashing down around us. My father will make sure it does not," I murmur.

"Mmm, perhaps you feel insecure. I know there are several Templars in and around Lothering, but they have not interfered thus far. The villagers need healers, Andy and that is why we are safe here. Please can you smile for me? It upsets me to see you so distressed."

He smiles and his face lights up. I feel sudden warmth emanating around us and we both mirror the other's startled expression. As I watch his face, he emits a blue aura and I realise that our relationship has taken another vital step. My parents shared the same thing but their light is nowhere near as bright as the one Anders is emitting. I catch his eye and he gently enfolds me into his arms.

"Mmm, my mother always spoke about what we are experiencing. She said that it would happen eventually. My parents share the same thing, Andy. It is what binds them so tightly to each other," I explain. I feel more warmth emanate from him and I hold onto him. I didn't want it to end.

"We have always been bound and this is my way...our way of reaffirming my commitment to you and what we share...Come," he says softly as he pulls me towards the bed. He lies down pulling me onto his chest and he closes his eyes. He is still emitting his blue light and I can feel my magic respond, and to my delight, I emit a white light that blends and dances with his. He opens his eyes and he grins at me.

"Well, this is a surprise," he says as he sits. He pulls me onto his lap and he presses his hands against mine - palm to palm. "Love, this is as close as to a marriage we can get at this time," he says with dancing brown eyes.

"Anders, I do," I say before he says anything more. "And you my love?" I ask.

"I do, forever and always," he says softly. He entwines our fingers and our auras merge into one. "I love you," he whispers as he kisses me.

"I do, forever and always," I murmur as our kiss deepens. It is different - it is more intense, more passionate and my heart is soaring in the clouds.


	58. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**

_**Marian**_

I awake expecting to find Anders watching me as he always did, but all I feel is a cold empty spot next to me. I turn around and I scramble out of bed. It is unlike him to leave without saying goodbye to me. I step on Mabari's paw and he looks at me with sleepy eyes.

"Sorry boy. I did not see you there. He is lying on my clothes and I start laughing. "You have a bed, Mabari." I gently pull my pants out from under him and I grab a clean blouse. I am tugging it on as I step out into the passage only to stop halfway as Carver come out of his room looking very pleased about something.

"Had a good dream or what?" I ask and he turns red.

"Leave me alone, Sis," he replies. He strides into the bathroom and he slams it shut behind him. I head into the kitchen mulling over his obvious embarrassment, but I push it to the back of my mind when I saw my mother's worried frown.

"Where is Anders?" I ask casually as I sit down.

"Your father woke him up early this morning to assist him with a woman who is in labour," she replies.

"He went without saying goodbye, Mother," I explain and for some reason, I want to cry. He never left without saying goodbye to me. I am also upset because I want some time with before he went out for the day especially after last night. I feel even closer to him after the words we exchanged.

"Mmm. Would you mind telling me what happened last night? We notice a bright blue shimmering light peeking out from under the door," she explains.

"It happened. It really happened. We are sharing a special moment when I feel such warmth emanating from him. He emitted a blue aura that surrounded us and then I emitted a white aura...It is beautiful," I explain.

"And?" she asks.

"We are bound as one, mother. Forever and always," I murmur. I look away from her because now I am feeling almost desperate to see him, but he is not here.

"Why are you frowning just now?" I ask in an effort to distract myself.

"I am thinking about Bethany and Carver, that is all. It is nothing to worry about and besides, did you ask Anders what he wanted us to do for his birthday?"

"He wants something here at home," I reply.

"So he doesn't want to go the inn or anything like that?"

"No. He wants to spend it with his...family," I reply.

"Oh, I see. What do you suggest we do then?" she asks.

"I don't know. What do you think? I mean this is his home yet he finds it difficult to say the word sometimes," I explain.

"Then I suggest we do something to make him realise that this is his home and it is where he belongs," she suggests.

"What do you have in mind?" I ask, leaning my elbows on the table.

"I need to think about, but I think preparing his favourite meal and the presenting him with his gift afterwards would be fitting," she replies.

"I cannot wait to see his expression when he is presented with his gift. If I know Anders - and I do know him - he will be so pleased," I say quietly and now I want to spend time with him, but he is not here. I sigh, standing up and I whistle for Mabari.

"I think I am going for a walk. If he returns, please tell him to join me by the river," I say and she nods in agreement.

"Thank you," I murmur.

"Are you sure you don't want to take the twins with you?" she asks.

"Not today. I need to be on my own and beside, Beth is still asleep and Carver - he went into the bathroom, but he should be out by now.

"I am," he says hoarsely. I turn around and he is blushing. "What?" he asks.

"Carver, your voice is changing," my mother says softly.

"I know," he squeaked and he blushes even more.

"My brother is growing into a young man," I tease.

"Please don't tease me, Sis," he says softly.

"I am not, Carver. You should be proud," I say.

"I am and I am already a man," he murmurs as he looks away from me. I know he is because of his apparent arousal last night when we are speaking about Bethany. He looks at me again and an unspoken understanding passes between us. I would never tell my parents about the way he felt about Bethany. He gives me a small smile as he back out of the kitchen. He is clearly uncomfortable about something.

"Why don't you walk with me, Carver?" I suggest.

"No, I am fine really. I think I would rather walk with Beth," he replies.

"Fine, suit yourself," I return. I amble my way out of the house shoving my hands into my pockets and I look out over the village. It is quiet this time of the morning. It is nearly seven in the morning and I am feeling lonely. I kick my shoes into the gravel and I sigh.

"Come along," I call to my hound. I jog while he trots at my heels to the other side of the village and I breathe a sigh of relief when I notice the early morning sun glinting on the water. I briefly wondered what it would be like making love with the water lapping around us and I blush at the thought. I shake my head in an effort to clear the way my thoughts are going. I find a stick and I throw it ahead of us. Mabari charges after it and he comes back with it. He drops it at my feet. I pick it up. When I throw it again it lands in the river and I follow Mabari. I kick off my shoes and I wade into the water. It is refreshing feeling the cool water against my hot skin. I decide to strip off my clothes except for my underwear and I wade in until the water is up to my neck. I float on my back and I gaze up at the early morning sky while Mabari paddles around me. I am feeling contented for the first time since he found me in the field playing with a four month old Mabari. Everything is falling into place for us and all we have to do is make it official, but we did not know if that would happen...

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

After a busy, but successful morning of bringing a baby into the world, Malcolm told me to go home and get some rest, but rest is not what I have in mind when I walk into the kitchen. Leandra is sitting at the table speaking to Carver and Bethany and there is no sign of Mari. I greet them and I head into our room hoping she would be sitting at her desk writing in her journal, but I am bitterly disappointed.

"Where is my...w-," I bite my lip. I don't want them to know about our commitment to each other. Taking a deep breath, I try again. "Leandra, where is Marian?"

"Did you not hear me tell before you barged out of here?" she asks.

"No...I did not. Please tell me," I implore.

"She went to the river with Mabari," she replies.

"Oh...Oh...Thank you," I say politely. I realise she is feeling the same as me and I know what is going to happen down at the river.

"Well, she told me to tell you. She has been gone quite a while. How did the delivery go?" she asks.

"It went beautifully, Leandra. A beautiful baby girl graced us with a very loud shriek," I murmur.

"And when are you and Marian going to give me a grandchild?" she asks.

"I...I don't know. We are too careful, Leandra and besides we are not ready for that commitment just yet," I reply.

"I don't believe you. I have heard you speaking about it. I think you are ready. You both are," she points out.

"Well, it is her decision...and partly my decision, but I will mention it again, but her decision will probably remain the same. See you all later," I say. I stand on the porch and I breathe in the fresh air. It is going to be another lovely summer day. This thought only spurs me to move. I want to be with her and desperately so.

o0o

I notice her familiar head of hair from a distance and I run the rest of the way. She is lying on her discarded clothing basking in the sun and I can only assume she has gone for a swim. Her hound realises I am there and he bounds towards me, but I sidestep him. He is so big and I don't want to go flying to the ground, but he sits in front of me and he whines. It is his way of asking me to rub him behind his ears. I am about to pet him when she turns onto her stomach to look at me, but her small breasts draw my gaze. I can see them just beyond her bra.

"Andy, good morning," she greets me. As I watch, she deliberately removes her bra allowing her breasts to fall free of their constraint. I groan when I feel the familiar ache in my belly.

"I am sorry for not saying goodbye to you this morning, but your father was persistent, but all went well," I explain as I strip off my shirt. I am feeling hot and bothered for no apparent reason.

"Mmm, I understand. Your patients must come first," she says. She turns herself around and she lies on her back.

I smile to myself as I remove my pants. She is in for a surprise. She just doesn't know it yet. I quietly approach her and I sit next to her. By the slight redness on her arms, I realise she has been in the sun for a couple of hours already.

"You know you are going to be sore tonight?" I ask as I casually touch her bare midriff and she sighs.

"At least it gives me an excuse to have you see to me," she replies.

I chuckle quietly and I straddle her. "Well, I can see to you now if you would like," I suggest as I touch her soft breasts. My hands covere them completely and she elicited a soft sigh.

"Did you go for a swim?" I ask.

"Yes. The water was lovely even Mabari enjoyed himself," she replies.

"Mmm, would you care to join me for a swim?" I ask. She is squirming restlessly beneath me and that only increases my need to be with her.

"Well," she says, eyeing the river. "What do you intend doing, Andy?"

"Mmm, I think perhaps we could swim to the other side and-" I trail away. She is clutching my hands as I look at her beautiful face. I cannot believe how relaxed she is. Her eyes are dancing and she is smiling at me.

"You know, you have come a long way since I move in," I say quietly as I lower myself onto her. "You are so relaxed, Mari and that makes me happy."

"After what we experienced last night, I can't help but feel relaxed," she says.

"Mmm, would you like to experience it again?" I ask, leaning closer. I can feel her heart thumping gently beneath me and I take a deep breath. We are so close to each other and I am trying my utmost to stay in control, but she is moving restlessly beneath me.

"I would like to, yes, but I can do with another swim," she says as she slips out from under me. When I turn around she is halfway to the river and I start laughing. I follow her and I catch up to her just as she wades into the water with Mabari not too far behind her. She turns around and she splashes water at me.

"Mari," I tease as I wipes the water from my face. I hear her laughing a fair distance away from me and I drop my hands. She is sitting on the opposite shore and I swim slowly towards her. She is in a playful mood and I am going to reciprocate. By the time I join her she is less than impressed with me.

"Love, lighten up. I promise to make it up to you, but I can't if you are going to keep on looking at me like that," I tease and before she realises it, I wrap my arms around her. "Now I've got you," I say in a sing-song voice. "I wouldn't attempt escaping."

"Why would I attempt that, Andy?" she asks.

"Mmm, I don't know. Maybe you want to go for another swim," I reply.

"No, in fact," she says as she turns around, facing me. She is so beautiful with the water glistening on her cheeks and I gently wipes the droplets away.

"Good morning, love," I murmur, cupping her face and I kiss her. It is tender, gentle, but it deepens into something else entirely. I can feel my magic stir beneath my skin and I know we would experience what we shared last night once again, but I can feel it is more intense. Her skin is vibrating beneath my hands and I pull her closer. I want to feel what she is feeling and I want her to feel what I am feeling. Our auras blend and merge, the longer we kiss and I lower her to the grass.

I break off our kiss long enough to comment about not having a something for her pretty head, but she only smiles as she cups my neck, pulling me in for another kiss and it is just as intense as it is a moment ago.

o0o

After spending the morning by the river, we are on our way home. Mabari ran ahead of us, but occasionally he glances back at us as if telling us to hurry up. He is doing it again and I start laughing. Marian glances at me and she is very amused.

"Why does he keep on doing that?" I ask.

"I don't know, Anders. I guess he is making sure we are all right," she replies.

"Well, he is a Mabari. It is in his nature, I suppose."

"He is protecting us, Andy," she says.

"Love, I know, but have you notices how big he has become? He is not an adult yet, yet look at him," I say.

She laughs. "I know. He is bigger than normal, but that is because of all the exercise he gets and all the animals he hunts," she says and I grimace.

"I don't want to know. You know how I feel about him bringing home a rabbit or a chicken. I don't like it," I explain.

"Love, he is a dog and that is what he does. I know you have a soft spot for small animals and I love you for that, but what can I do? What about Wiggums?" she asks.

"He is not my cat anymore. Bethany and Carver have claimed him, Mari, but I do miss having a cat sleeping on my chest," I explain.

"Mmm, someday I will get you a cat," she teases.

"Maybe you will," I return.


	59. Forever and Always Volume I  Chapter 59

**Chapter 59**

_**Marian**_

I return to our room after preparing Anders breakfast. It is his birthday and I feel that he deserves to be spoilt. He returned home late last night after seeing to another of his patients. He barely said two words to me as he collapsed onto the bed, exhausted. He fell asleep before I greeted him.

"Anders," I call, as I place the tray on the desk. I sit next to him and I study his sleeping face. He always looks so peaceful and relaxed and it made me smile. I tentatively touch his cheek and his face breaks out into sleepy smile.

"Love," I call. I am excited. My gift is ready and waiting for him to receive it. "Andy love," I tease as I touch his cheek again. He opened his eyes and he takes my hand and presses it against his chest.

"What is the time?" he asks.

"It is just after 7am, and I have brought you breakfast and tea," I reply.

"Love, you are so thoughtful, but it is not necessary," he says softly as he pulls himself into the sitting position. I retrieve the tray from the table and I set it upon his lap.

"I think that after your late night last night, you deserve some spoiling on my part and besides, it is your birthday."

"Oh love, thank you," he says as he grab a fork.

"Wait," I stayed his hand before he could eat anything. I lean over the tray and I kiss him. "Happy Birthday," I murmur giving him a lingering kiss. I gently pull away before it could go any further and I reach for his gift. "For you, my love," I murmur.

He grins at me. "I already know what this is." He eagerly tears the wrappings, much to my amusement. He is so excited and I suddenly realise that this is probably the first time in years he has received a gift from someone. He is like a child in his enthusiasm and I know he would be completely overwhelmed when my parents presented him with his gift this afternoon.

"Love, thank you," he says softly. "Mmm, if you are closer, I would thank you in the best way," he continues.

"I know, but eat your breakfast first and then you can thank me," I suggest as I take his outfit from him. I give it a shakes and I admired it for a while. I fold it neatly and I pack it neatly into his wardrobe. I joined him on the bed and I watch him while he ate his breakfast.

"I am so hungry," he says, wolfing down a piece of toast.

"I don't blame you. You are gone before we ate supper. What happened?" I ask.

"It turns out when I arrived at my patient's house; a young woman was in labour. It was a difficult delivery but after a couple of hours, she gave birth to a beautiful bouncing baby boy," he explains.

"And the mother?" I ask.

"She is fine. It took every ounce of my strength to heal her. She...She lost a lot of blood. I...I really thought I would lose her," he says, dropping his fork onto his plate. I take the tray away from him and I put it back on the table. He is clearly distressed and he obviously needs to speak about it. I reach for his hand as I settle myself next to him.

"Mari, I...I-" he trails away.

"Love, she is fine. You just said so," I say.

"I know, but try to understand how I feel," he says quietly.

"I do, Andy, I do, but please listen to me. You pulled her through and she will live to see her baby grow into a strapping young man. It could not have been easy for you, but there is a bright side - she lives, Andy. She lives."

He glances at me and he is looking better. "Mmm, you still owe me a kiss," he teases and I start laughing. He is definitely better.

"I do...But how do you feel?" I ask as I allow him to lift me onto his lap.

"Now I do feel better," he replies as he embraces me.

"And where is my kiss?" he asks.

"Oh Anders, you are persistent," I tease, pulling away from him. "But you deserve it," I continue as I lightly kiss him, but he wants more.

"Thank you for breakfast, love," he murmurs.

"You don't need to thank me, love. I did it for you," I tease.

"I know and now you deserve a proper thank you," he teases.

"Are you going to check on her and baby?" I ask.

"I will have to, Mari," he replies as he pushes me away.

I frown. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

"For what?" he asks, amused.

"I've spoilt our moment," I reply.

"Love you have not. I'm just thinking if you would like to come with me?" he asks.

"Yes, I would like that," I reply.

"Then come here. We can go later after I've spent time with you," he says as he pulls me back into his arms. He nuzzles me as he rolls with me trapping me beneath him. I sigh because I enjoy feeling his weight on me. I find it exciting and comforting.

"Now that I have you exactly where I want you to be, what are we going to do?" he asks.

"Mmm," I mumble playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. His hair is shoulder length and I love threading my fingers through his hair. It is so soft and silky.

"I don't know. It is your birthday. You tell me what you want," I reply.

"Well, that could be many things," he teases.

"Anders, stop teasing me...Perhaps you need a hint," I tease as I pull him closer.

"Mmm, no really, because you will find out soon enough," he murmurs as he kisses me.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

It is mid afternoon and Malcolm is busy opening a bottle of wine. The twins are sitting on the floor playing with the animals while Mari assists Leandra in the kitchen.

"Here you go, Anders," he says, giving me a glass of wine. Mari has made sure that we celebrate my birthday at home and I am grateful to her.

"Thank you," I say politely.

"You deserve a toast, but it can wait until they have joined us," he says, glancing towards the kitchen. I have a sip of my wine and it tastes so good. It almost reminds me of Mari's sweetness that drives me wild with passion.

"Mari told me what happened last night and I was wondering how you feel as one healer to another," he says.

I drink more wine as I think about what to tell him but at the same time, I feel annoyed. I did not want to repeat myself.

"I feel terrible...Is that what you want to hear?" I ask.

"I know how it feels, Anders, but she is alright?" he asks.

"Mari and I visited her before lunch time and she was looking so much better. She was also feeding baby and I might tell you that Mari, I am very taken up by the baby. Her eyes sparkled and she could not stop smiling," I reply, smiling.

"At least your patient has recovered and as for Mari - do you think she is ready to be a mother because from where I am sitting, I don't think she is. She enjoys her freedom and she enjoys her time with you," he says.

I laugh. "Perhaps you should ask me if I am ready to be a father...

"Are you?" he asks.

I place my glass on the table next to me and I lean back into my chair stretching my legs out in front of me. I stare out of the window deep in thought about what Malcolm just said.

"Well?" he asks.

"I would like to be a father someday and I would like to give Mari a child, but I feel the same as her - I don't want to share her with anyone yet. After what she heads through during our six-month separation - and she will agree with me - we are not yet ready to share each other. We have spoken about children. Leandra also asks me a few days ago about it and I told her what I am telling you," I explain.

"Anyway it is none of my business, but I must ask - what happens if she does conceive?" he asks.

"Malcolm, then we will raise our child to be the best he or she can be. If we have an unexpected surprise, then we will take responsibility, so you need not worry about it. We won't expect you and Leandra to look after our child," I reply.

"And you still remain so sensible, Anders. You and Mari are similar in that way, but you are also different. You complement each other so well. You have a calming influence on her and she is your best friend," he says.

"And she is my comfort and I love her for who she is," I murmur.

I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and I turn around only to look directly into Mari's eyes. She is smiling and I realise she heard every word I say to Malcolm.

"You are my best friend and I love you," she says softy as I gently draw her around. She sat next to me and she snuggles into me.

"Would you like a glass of wine?" I ask, retrieving mine from the table.

"Not for me, thanks," she replies.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"I am," she replies.

o0o

_I am whispering_ sweet nothings to Marian after finishing my second glass of wine and I feel a bit dizzy, but I am too comfortable with her warm body against mine. Her father went into the kitchen with the twins about half-an-hour ago and I am grateful to have her to myself for a while.

"Stop, love," she says softly after I whisper what I want to do when we went to bed.

"Why should I?" I ask.

"Because I am feeling flustered and if you don't stop, I might consider finishing off what is left of the wine," she replies.

I laugh. "That would be something to see," I tease.

"Try me," she says. She slips out of my arms and she grabs the bottle from the table, but I take it from her.

"Love, you know how sick stuff like this makes you. I would not recommend drinking it. Not in the way you want to drink it," I advise.

"I don't care. It is your birthday. Your twenty-first and it is something to celebrate," she declares.

I grab the bottle from her before she could have a taste. I place it on the table and I grab her hands. "Not like this, love. You will only regret it in the morning."

She pouts. "Andy, please? Just one mouthful?" she implores giving me a I_ dare you to refuse me look_ and I burst out laughing.

"You look hilarious, Mari," I tease, pulling her into my arms where I embrace her. "Ah, this is so much better," I whisper.

"Most definitely," she returns. After a few seconds, I start swaying with her and we slowly moves around the living room being careful not to tread on the animals paws or tails. The twins aren't in sight either and I briefly wonder where they went when I hear Leandra coming back into the living room.

"It is time and then we can eat supper," she is saying.

"Fine," Malcolm says and we stop in front of them. Mari sighs letting me know she is disappointed that they intruded on our special moment, but I give her a _there will be more later_ look and she smiles at me.

"Anders, we would like to present you with your gift," Malcolm says drawing my attention and forcing me to focus on him.

"It is not necessary, Malcolm. I have what I want. I have Mari and I have a family of a sort," I explain.

"We know, but," he says allowing Bethany to step forward and she is holding a staff in her hands. "We would like to present to you this staff, Anders. It is a staff I have used many times when using my mana is not enough. It is designed to assist a healer on those long nights when losing one's focus is possible. This staff will give you the extra strength you need. After much discussion with Mari and Leandra, we think you deserve it. You are the best healer I have seen in years and on behalf of my family, I would like you to have it," he says.

I stare at them in disbelief. I can not believe or even understand why I deserved such a gift. The staff in Beth's hands is silver with a blue ball on the tip. It is magnificent and I can feel the power emanating from it.

"Love?" Mari asks when I make no move to relieve Bethany of it.

"Anders, you are a part of our family and as you know both Leandra and I think of you as our son," he says.

Bethany stepped forward after her mother nudged her and she holds out the staff. I place my hand around it and a blue light emerged from it enveloping us all in its glow.

"You are meant to have it, Anders. A staff is a funny thing. It chooses its owner," he explains.

I ran my hand up the length of it and I warily touch the ball. It immediately glows brightly and I feel stronger.

"Thank you everyone...I don't know what to say," I murmur as I shake his hand.

"Happy Birthday, Anders," he says.

"Anders, come here," Leandra says softly. I feel Mari take my staff from me and I embrace Leandra.

"Happy Birthday, Anders," she says softly.

"Thank you," I say. I step away from her and I turn around. I want Mari to be in my arms. She is not far from me. She closed the distance between us and I embrace her.

"This means the world to me, Mari. It is something I will never forget," I say for her alone.

"I know and now I feel like spending the rest of the evening with you in our room," she whispers and I chuckle. "We will, once we have eaten supper," I remind her.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

We collapse into bed after our evening of eating a lovely meal my mother prepared and I got my wish of having a glass of wine. I am feeling lightheaded and my emotions are spinning wildly. I am so pleased with his reaction when my father presented him with a staff and as I suspected, he is feeling very overwhelmed.

I let out a contented sigh, turning on my side to face him, but I don't get very far when I feel his lips against my neck. He grabs my hands at the same time he leans over me. He stares down at me with passionate brown eyes and I take a deep shuddering breath.

"Andy?" I manage to say as he presses his lips firmly against mine. He skims his hand along my thigh to the waistband of my pants and he tugs them off my hips. I moan when I feel his fingers graze the outer part of my thigh. He deepens the kiss before I say anything. I moan again when I feel his hand on the innermost part of my thigh. I skim my hands down his back to the waistband of his pants and I slowly tug his shirt up. I sigh as I skim my hands along his strong back. He is trembling and this only increases my desire. I impatiently pull it up over his head and I toss it onto the floor.

"Mmm, your family is the best," he murmurs, pulling away to allow us to breath.

"It is your family now, Andy," I remind him. I take a deep breath trying to keep my emotions under control, but to no avail, he presses his lips against mine again as he unbuttons my blouse. He groans when he finds my breast and it is not long until I am squirming restlessly beneath him as he squeezes, tickles and teases me.

"Lay still, love," he murmurs, pressing his lips against my neck where he gives me his mark. In the meantime, his hands are all over the place, caressing every sensitive spot he finds. He moves away from my neck tracing warm kisses along my jaw and before I can think, he is sliding his tongue into my mouth. He tastes sweet just like the wine he drank during the evening.

"You are not laying still, Mari," he teases, breaking off our kiss.

"Love, I honestly don't think you would be lying still if the roles are reversed," I tease.

"Mmm, we shall see," he murmurs, but he made no move to change our positions.

"Maybe not tonight," I murmur as I cup his neck.

"Mmm, not tonight, my love," he murmurs.

o0o

_He is holding_ me securely in his arms as we lay basking in the afterglow of our lovemaking. I am tracing circles around his chest as he strokes my hair, giving me kiss occasionally.

"I am so happy, Mari," he says softly

"Love, I know you are and you make me happy," I say.

"Mmm, thank you for today. It means a lot to me," he says.

"As I say just now, my family is your family and someday you and I will be a family," I say.

"And I look forward to it. I look forward to having you in my arms for the rest of our lives," he says.

"So do I, but as much I would like to chat, my eyes wants to close, Andy," I say sleepily.

"Then sleep my love. Maker knows, I feel the same," he returns.

-o0o-

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	60. Forever and Always Volume II Chapter 1

**Author's Note**

Welcome to Forever and Always Volume II and the continuing adventures of Marian and Anders.

**PLEASE NOTE THE FOLLOWING:**

There are underlying themes which might prove to be offensive to some people. Please read at your own risk.

**Disclaimer - The names, locations, etc remain the property of BIOWARE, but the story is my own.**

Please enjoy...And Reviews are most welcome.

* * *

><p><strong>Forever and Always Volume II <em>by SammyGal123<em>**

**Prologue**

Three uneventful years passed and Anders and I are still as happy as we can possibly be. If anything, we are closer than before and everything we do together is very intense. He is also very popular with the villagers and they love and respect him. I often assisted him when he needed me to be at his side even if it were for moral support especially when he required assistance for a very ill patient or when he delivered babies.

**Chapter 01**

_**Marian**_

I go in search of my mother and I find her sitting in the living room looking very concerned about something. The twins are out on one of their long walks and I can't believe that they would be celebrating their sixteenth birthday soon. They spent too much time together as far as I was concerned and on more than one occasion, they would return from one of their long walks looking very flushed. Anders is out seeing to more patients and as for my father; I assume he is lying down.

"Mother, are you alright?" I ask, seating myself next to her.

"I think your father is ill," she replies.

"Why? What do you mean?" I ask.

"Mari, he hardly eats and he is always sleeping or have you not noticed?" she asks.

"I have...noticed, mother," I say defensively.

"You are just saying that, Mari. You are too involved with Anders to take much notice of anything and there is something else - I think there is something going on between Carver and Bethany," she says.

I look at her, surprised. "That I have noticed, but I didn't think you were aware of it."

"I am their mother, of course I know what is going on and I suspect it has been going on longer than we care to realise."

"Well, what are we going to do about it? It is not as if we are rolling in the sovereigns and Anders brings in hardly anything. I think he rather would not charge his patients. That is understandable because most of the villagers barely have enough sovereigns to put bread and milk on the table," I say in his defense. I knew he didn't charge his patients. I had assisted him many times to realise that.

"And you don't bring in anything either," she points out.

"Look, I know, but how can I, mother especially when they are in desperate need of healing?"

"But we are barely scraping enough sovereigns ourselves, Mari. I think Bethany and Carver are ready to work. It might do them the world of good if they had some separation from each other," she says quietly.

"We are doing the best we can, Leandra." I look up and directly into my father's blue eyes.

"How...how are you feeling, love?" she asks.

"A bit better, love, but I would like a cup of tea," he replies as he shuffles his way to his chair by the window. He is very pale and drawn and for no reason at all, my heart thumps uncomfortably.

"Sit tight, love and I will bring you your tea and Mari?" she asks.

"Please," I reply.

"Tell me what is wrong." I say quietly as I sit on the floor by his feet. Mabari ambles over, lies next to me and rests his head on my lap.

"I...I don't know. I feel terrible. I have a constant headache and no amount of healing helps me," he replies.

"And if Anders - ?" I ask.

"He might be able to ease some of my pain, but there is something else wrong and maker knows what it is," he replies.

"Mari, I want you to promise me something. Promise me you will look after your mother and siblings?" he asks.

"Why are you speaking like this, father?" I ask.

"Promise me, Mari?" he replies.

"I...I will do my best and besides, I have Anders," I murmur

"I...I know. I consider him as my son, Mari. He is a good man who adores you," he says fondly.

"And father, please don't forget about Carver and Bethany's birthday," I remind him.

He laughs. "Yes, and he will get his sword. I have had it for while and as for Beth, she will be receiving a locket from us," he informs me.

"Yes and I am sure Carver will feel a man once he has that sword in his hands," I mutter.

"You have never got along with him. I still do not understand. Perhaps you are too different," he says.

"He hates me and I tolerate him, barely," I mutter.

"Mari, he is still your brother, you know," he points out.

"I...I know and I apologise," I murmur as I stand. I need to go out for a couple of hours to think about things.

"See you later," I say and I indicate Mabari to join me. He barks happily and he bolts out of the front door.

"See you later, Mother," I murmur as I breeze past her.

"Your tea, Mari," she says.

"I will have it when I come back. I will not be out for too long. I need to think," I explain.

"Oh...Alright. See you later then," she returns.

o0o

I find myself going towards the river with Mabari running ahead of me and wishing Anders was with me, but he wouldn't be home for another two hours. As I near our special spot, I hear a fair amount of sighing and moaning coming from another secluded spot not far from ours. I order Mabari to stay and I follow the sounds.

I come to a shrub and I try my best to peer through the branches without making too much noise and what I see, shocks me to the core. I knew they were up to something and I suspected they had been since they turned thirteen.

_Oh sweet maker...No...This...is sinful...Not even the Chantr__y__ accepts such practices..._

I force myself to tear my gaze away from them and I stumble to the spot Anders and I often spent time. I slide to the ground wrapping my arms around myself and I try forcing the images from my mind.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

After a busy day at the Chantry helping the sick and injured, I am on my way home. I am getting tired of assisting the villagers in the Chantry because I find that they are watching me too closely. I mentioned this to one of the locals and he said he would see what he could do about finding a place so that I can set up a clinic.

As I get closer, I half-expect Marian to come running out to greet me as she usually does, but she is not in sight. I sigh in disappointment as I open the gate and I quickly make my way into the warmth of home.

I am so certain she would be in the living room, so that is where I go first, but Leandra and the twins are sitting around Malcolm, chatting. I am surprised at how pale he is. I also notice the flushed and almost guilty expressions on the twins' faces, but I am distracted by Malcolm's hand on my arm.

"My son, please can you do something about my headache?" he asks. I nearly smile at him calling me his son. He often did that, but tonight, it is a cry for help.

"What is it?" I ask, concerned as I place my fingers on his temples. I gently massage them, drawing on my healing magic as I do so. He visibly relaxes.

"How long has this been going on for?" I ask.

"About a week. You are as bad and Marian, Anders," says Leandra

"Where is she?" I ask.

"She went out a couple of hours ago. She said she needed to think," she replies.

"Leandra, please allow Anders to do his job otherwise I won't sleep tonight," he barely whispers. I frown because I don't know what is wrong with him.

"I can give you Elfroot potion. That should help," I suggest.

"Anything to make the pain go away," he whispers.

"Leandra, would you mind fetching me a bottle from the bedroom?" I ask. She looks at me and I notice concern in her eyes. She turns around without another word leaving me staring after her.

"Carver, where is your sister?" I ask. I am growing anxious about Mari. She was never out for so long on her own.

"Why you asking me? I don't follow her around," he replies, standing up and grabbing Beth by the hand.

"She is your sister. Have you seen her at all? Beth?" I ask but they both shake their heads.

"Anders, I am sure she is fine. I am sure she has Mabari with her," says Beth calmly.

"Beth, let's go," Carver quietly says. I study them for a while and by their body language, I realise there is something else going on.

"Can you both stay here while I go and look for her?" I ask.

"Yes and I can dose my father, Anders, so you needn't worry about it," replies Beth and I smile gratefully at her. I pause by the kitchen door and I glance at them, but they are chatting to their father. I shrug my shoulders and I grab a lantern. I know where to find her.

o0o

I find her in our usual spot as I expected. She is sleeping with Mabari curled up against her. I touch her and she is warm at least. I sit next to her and I release a fireball into the air. It floats to the lantern and soon a warm glow basks around us. She opens her eyes and when she realises who it is, she sits up and she launches herself at me. She presses her lips against mine and she kisses me. I cup her buttocks and I pull her in for a closer fit.

"You had me worried," I murmur as I gently break off our kiss.

"I...I am sorry, but I saw something that shocked me to the core," she explains.

"Well?" I ask as I gently brush her fringe back.

"We must keep it to ourselves...," she says softly and I frown.

"Tell me love. I won't say anything," I return.

"You remember all those times I voiced my concerns about my siblings? It turns out that I was right," she explains. By the way she is working her jaw, I realise she is upset. I trail my finger along her jawline and she relaxes.

"I saw them...I saw them-" she trails away, refusing to look at me. "Andy, I saw them making love not far from here," she whispers.

"What? Are you sure?" I ask. I know she is right. Their behavior over recent months has pointed in that direction. All those times they went off on a walk and then returning a couple of hours later looking extremely pleased and satisfied about something.

"Yes, I am sure. They were so deep in the throes of passion; they didn't even notice me. I came away shocked and all I could do was sit here holding myself," she replies.

"Well, there is nothing we can do about it. Even if we did, it would amount to nothing. He wants something for himself. He has always wanted something of his own...How...How long do you think it has been going on for?" I ask.

"Anders, since they were thirteen. It was before your twenty-first birthday. I am sure he wanted to tell me, but he didn't, so I left it. I knew at the time there was nothing I could do, so I just left it," she explains.

"Three years, love? Sweet maker and right under our noses. Your mother suspects something, Mari, but I assume you are not going to tell her?" I ask.

"I can't do that to her and besides, my father is ill," she replies.

I sigh. "I...I know. I instructed them to give him Elfroot potion so that he can at least sleep tonight," I say.

"Do you know what is wrong with him?" she asks.

"Love, no, I don't. I am sorry," I reply.

"Anders, what if he dies? Do you know what that could mean for all of us? It means you will no longer be under his protection and that frightens me."

My sweet Marian, I will not go anywhere unless I have no choice...Let us hope it won't come that," I reassure her even though I feel afraid myself. A few months ago, Malcolm told us that Irving released me into his care without Greagoir's consent. I was outraged at first, but he reassured me that he would protect me as he has always done. I was rather amused that he had been doing that without me realizing it.

"Anders," she whimpers, burying her head into my shoulder. She is twenty-two and I am twenty-four having celebrated my birthday a couple of months ago.

"It will break me completely," she explains. She always told me that she was not so tough. Our separation left its mark on her. It was only over the last year or so that she was prepared to let me see to the villagers without her and she found it very difficult to adjust without me around, but I didn't mind. I love her too much to care about anything else.

"Love, it won't. You have the strength, you just need to find it," I murmur.

"We should go home, Mari," I whisper, but she is nuzzling my neck as she reaches for my belt buckle where she expertly unbuckles it. She looks at me with deep passion in her eyes and she presses her lips against mine, effectively preventing me from saying anything. When she is satisfied, she tugs my shorts, exposing me. I am busy working her belt and with expert hands, I remove it as well as her pants and underwear. She grips my shoulders as I grip her hips and I gently ease her onto me.


	61. Forever and Always Volume II Chapter 2

**Chapter 02**

_**Marian**_

It is 2am in the morning and I am tossing and turning. Anders is fast asleep and I am surprised he doesn't awake. We returned home from our tryst by the river at 8pm to a very quiet house. The twins were in bed and I only hoped they were behaving themselves, but I was not going to check on them. My mother was sitting in my father's chair, crying and Anders and I tried everything to calm her down. She is very anxious about my father and I don't blame her because I am just as anxious. After much discussion and encouragement, she eventually decided to go to bed after Anders gave her something to help her sleep and ironically, I am wide-awake while everyone else is fast asleep.

I throw off my sheet in defeat and I climbed out of bed. It is so dark that I don't see Mabari until he let out a low whine as I trod on his paw.

"Sorry boy, I don't have your eyesight," I say as I reach down to pet him. He licks my hand in acknowledgement and he went back to sleep. I grab Anders shirt and I pull it on. I am going to go and sit in the living room for a couple of hours. I quietly tiptoe out of my room and I made my way to my father's chair, but my mother is sitting in it staring at maker knows what.

"Mother, are you alright?" I ask. She slowly looks at me and the tears are streaming down her cheeks.

"He is dying, Mari. Your father is dying," she blurts out.

"Don't speak like that, mother. There must be something we can do," I say firmly.

"What do you want me to do, Mari? Do you want me to send him to a Denerim ward?" she asks.

"That is not what I meant, Mother and you know it. For the love of the maker, would you like me to awake Anders so that he can check on father?" I ask impatiently.

"How dare you speak to me like that? Your father is ill, Mari or don't you care?" she asks.

I look everywhere but at her. I know I am in the wrong and I know I had crossed the line by being less than sympathetic. I sit on the floor in front of her and I reach for her hands. "Of course I care. He is my father. I...I am sorry. I should have been more sympathetic," I say softly.

"I...I...Please don't apologise, Mari. I am so anxious about him and we don't even know what is wrong with him," she explains.

"I...I could ask Anders to examine him again...In fact, I am going to ask him," I declare as I pull myself to my feet.

"No, please don't disturb him. He works so hard, Mari," she says softly.

"He will want to help. It is what he does," I remind her.

"I know, but he looks so tired when you both came in from your...walk. Maker knows what else went on by the river," she teases.

"Shut up," I murmur.

"Mmm, and come to think of it, your siblings return before you looking extremely flushed. Are you sure there is nothing you would like to tell me?" she asks.

"Maybe they went for a run. I don't know," I reply rather evasively. She didn't need to know what I saw. She need never know and I don't want to betray their trust, especially Carver's trust because he is behind it. He is very domineering and he knows how to get what he wants.

"Well, whatever it is, I guess it would be prudent to leave them alone. I don't need teen trouble, not with you father..." she trails away.

"Um...I am going to wake him up, mother. You can go back to bed or you can sit here until he has examined him," I suggest.

I went back into our room and Anders is fast asleep. I gently shake him awake and he reluctantly opens his eyes.

"What time is it?" he asks, yawning.

"It is nearly 2:30am," I reply.

"Why are you disturbing me, my love?" he asks, annoyed.

"Because my mother is concerned about my father, Anders and I would appreciate it if you examined him again," I reply. I feel hurt by his reaction and I feel terrible about waking him up.

"Mmm, fine I will examine him again," he says and I notice the softening in his tone of voice.

"You know I wouldn't disturb you unless it was absolutely necessary," I say quietly as I stand by the window. I am feeling very tired all of a sudden. My head is spinning and as I turned around, I stumble.

"Andy," I call as I land on the floor with a loud thump. "Shit," I mutter.

"Oh love, let me assist you," he says as he reaches for my hands. He pulls me to my feet and he embraced me. "Are you feeling alright?" he asks.

"Not really...I feel...dizzy," I reply.

"Then you need to lie down," he advises, leading me to the bed where he helped me settle down. "Now try to get some sleep. I won't be long," he says. "Where is your mother?" he asks as he is about to close the bedroom door.

"She is in the living room, very upset," I reply. I can feel my eyes close and I want to sleep, but I am too anxious about my father.

"Love, please don't fight it. I will do what I can," he reassured me as he closed the door leaving me alone to listen to the sounds of the night. I close my eyes, willing sleep to take me, but it didn't come. Instead, I sit up, light the lantern and I grab my journal. I need to write my thoughts so that I can make sense of it all.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I wander into the living room only to find Leandra weeping and my heart goes out to her. She is clearly distressed about Malcolm's illness and I realise I would have to try to help him to the best of my ability.

"Leandra, come with me and I will examine Malcolm again. Is he asleep?" I ask.

"He is when I got up, but whether he still is, I don't know," she replies.

"Then come with me or would you rather stay here?" I ask.

"No, I want to be with him," she replies.

We enter bedroom and Malcolm is sitting up holding his head in his hands. He is clearly distressed and he looks worse.

"Anders, please, I need more elfroot potion," he barely whispers.

"Talk to me, Malcolm. Headaches can't be the only thing that is keeping you awake," I say firmly.

"No, just feel," he says grabbing my hand and placing it over his heart. It is not the steady thump-thump it should have been. It is beating quite rapidly.

"You need to lie down," I say as I assist him.

I place my hands on his chest, drawing on my mana in the hopes that it would help. I can feel it return to normal, but he is so pale.

"Talk to me, Anders," says Leandra as she sits next to him. He reaches for her hand and I assume he needs his wife's comfort and reassurance.

"His heart...I think it is his heart, but I am quite sure something else is going on, but maker knows what it is. The fact that he has a rapid heartbeat - that is...worrying. All I can suggest is that he rests for the next few days and then I will examine him again, but Leandra, if it is his heart, there is only so much I can do," I explain.

"And the headaches?" she asks.

"It is the pressure, Leandra. If his heart returns to normal, then the headaches should subside," I reply.

"Is there nothing else?" she asks.

"No, there isn't, but let us see how it goes for the next few days. Do you still have that bottle of Elfroot Potion?" I ask.

"It is next to his bed. Should I give him more?" she asks.

"Yes and I really need to go to bed. Give me a shout if there is anything else," I advise. I head towards the door, but before I go out, I turn around. Leandra is holding his hand and she is talking to him.

"Be strong, love," Malcolm murmurs. I walk out, closing the door behind me. I don't want to intrude on their quiet moment.

As I passed the twins' room, I pause, but all is quiet so I went back to our room only to find that Marian still awake, writing furiously in her journal. I smile quietly to myself because she is so stubborn. She needed to sleep.

"And?" she asks without looking at me.

"If you stop what you are doing, then I can tell you," I reply. She sighs, closing her journal and she places it onto the sidetable.

"Well?" she asks, folding her arms.

"Mari, I fear his heart is giving in, but I am not too sure," I reply.

She stares at me for a long time and it leaves me wondering what she is thinking. The longer she stares at me, the more anxious I become.

"But you are a healer...Surely?" she asks.

"Mari, there is only so much I can do. Sometimes it is beyond my ability. Sure, I can heal broken bones, deliver babies and cure most ailments, but the heart...That is something else entirely," I explain.

"She thinks he is dying," she says softly.

"She didn't say that to me," I inform her. "Mmm, she actually said that? Why?"

"Why are you asking me, Anders?" she replies.

"Love, please don't be annoyed with me. I will do what I can, but I need you to be strong and if she feels he is dying..." I say softly.

"Please don't say that. How am I supposed to see to everything if he dies especially now that the twins are misbehaving? I blame Carver for what is going on, Anders. He has a very domineering streak and it will destroy him as well as Bethany in the end, "she blurts out.

I let out a resigned sigh as I seat myself next to her. "What do you want me to say, Mari? For years, you have suspected things are more than a bit innocent on their part and Carver – I don't understand it myself. It is so wrong, but it is not our place to say anything because it will not stop them. Mari love, if they want to be together, then surely we should allow it?" I ask.

"My mother will have a fit, Anders and I cannot tell her. I don't think I ever will...Perhaps we should not discuss it again because I am certainly not going to mention it to them either, but why?" she asks.

"Love, I don't have the answers, but what I suggest is that we rather focus on your father," I say as I reach for her hands. "I understand why you are feeling the way you are, but I am here and we will share the load."

"Anders, what did I do to deserve someone like you?" she asks, smiling.

I laugh. "Well, you joined the Circle at sixteen. You needed a friend and I was there...I will always be here for you even if we should be separated, I will always be here and in there," I say softly as I place my hand over her heart.

"Anders, I...I love you more than I can even express," she says softly, entwining our fingers.

"What did I do to deserve your love?" I ask, allowing her to pull me into her arms.

"Oh love, you already know the answer to that," she replies. She slides down, resting her head on the pillow while I make myself comfortable.

"Oh you have no idea how much I enjoy it when we cuddle like this. I enjoy feeling your weight," she murmurs.

"Are you sure that is all you enjoy, my love?" I ask.

"Anders, really, you are terrible, you know that?" she asks, amused.

"Why? Why am I terrible? I can feel the way you react every time we...cuddle like this," I tease as I trail my fingers along her jawline.

"Mmm, you aren't really terrible," she replies, cupping my neck and drawing me closer.

"Then what am I?" I ask catching onto her playful mood.

"Mine. You are mine," she replies. "All mine," she murmurs as she kisses me.

"Mmm, it seems you want to do more than cuddle," I murmur, breaking off our kiss that is becoming very passionate.

"Is it that obvious?" she asks.

"Well, your body tells me otherwise, but as your loving partner, I think you should get some sleep," I tease and she laughs.

"Partner? Is that what we are now?" she asks.

"Well, there is lover, fiancé and more importantly and hopefully not too far into the future...husband," I reply.

"We are already married by all accounts, Andy. The only thing is that a Chantry Priestess will have to conduct the ceremony, but with the current law, I doubt we will find anyone who is willing," she says softly, sadly and to my surprise, she brushes a tear off her cheek. "Will we ever? We have known each for six years..."

"Love, I know and when the time is right, we will marry, but surely the fact we are together is enough?" I point out.

"It is enough, but it would reaffirm our commitment to each other if we did marry," she replies.

"Love, we reaffirm our commitment to each other with each passing day and I am more than content. I am blissfully happy, although..." I say softly.

"My father?" she asks.

"Sweetie, you are working yourself up," I murmur. I feel her tension radiate from her body and she is clutching my hands.

"Can you blame me? My father is ill, possibly dying and the twins are involved in an incestuous relationship. What are we going to do if she conceives? And why do I feel like the only normal person in my family?" she asks.

"And I think enough has been said. Please try to relax. There is nothing we can do about them...And Mari, you are normal. Never doubt that," I murmur as I kiss her forehead. "Please relax, sweetie."

"Andy, please," she murmurs as she snuggles into my arms.

"You know, I am getting there," I tease.

"Mmm...I think I am going to sleep now," she whispers.

"Goodnight and if you need me, I am right here," I whisper. She moves slightly, resettling herself by resting her head on my chest and she drifts off to sleep.


	62. Forever and Always Volume II Chapter 3

**Chapter 03**

_**Marian**_

_A few days_ have passed since I witnessed my siblings making love and I am still trying to deal with the shock of it all. My father is no better than he was and if anything, he is far worse. He has lost a lot of weight and he is fading away in front of us. My mother never leaves his side, so much so, that the cooking and cleaning is left for me to do and I receive no help from my siblings who spend hours in the fields. Anders is not even available to assist me. If he is not seeing to a patient of his, then he sits vigil by my father's side in the evenings.

I am sitting in the kitchen thinking about what I can do for Bethany and Carver's birthday when their loud chattering breaks into my reverie.

"Are we going to go again tomorrow, Carver?" asks Bethany.

"Going where, may I ask?" I ask, as I stand folding my arms.

"What is to you, Sis?" replies Carver.

"It is everything to me. I need your assistance around the house, but you conveniently disappear. Do you realise that father is a very a sick man?" I ask.

"How sick is he really, Sis?" asks Beth.

"You have seen him, have you not or are too involved with whatever it is you do every day?" I ask. They blush deeply and she slips her hand into his, no doubt seeking his comfort.

"You mind your business, Marian. We don't interfere with you and Anders and I think it is fair to say that you shouldn't interfere with us," Carver said sharply, clenching his jaw.

"Carver, hush. I don't want you to fight with Marian," Bethany says softly, soothingly and he visibly relaxes. _Sweet maker, she knows how to keep him calm_, I think while I study their interaction with each other. She is leaning into him and in front of me; he slips his arms possessively around her petite frame.

He looks at me with pleading blue eyes. "Mari, please, I know it is wrong, but I...I," he trails away and now Bethany is looking at me, pleading with me to understand.

"It will destroy Mother," I whisper.

"Sis, she need not know. I know we aren't exactly the best of friends, but please?" he asks. I appraise them and it is remarkable how well she fits into his frame. Carver is by no means a small man. He is taller than Anders is and he is very broad across his chest. His build is that of a warrior and I am aware that he wants to join the army once he turns sixteen. As for my sister, she is very petite and very attractive with her long black hair, big blue eyes and fair complexion.

"Please Mari?" Beth pleads, reaching for my hands. "I...I love him, Marian. I...I cannot explain why it has happened. Why we feel like this about each other," she explains as Carver once again slips his arms around her.

"Please Sis?" asks Carver.

"I will never tell them, Carver, but Anders is also aware, but he feels we should leave you alone and I agree with him on this count, but I have something to ask you... Are you being...cautious?"

"Yes...we are and please don't worry about us," she replies.

"Worry? Of course I am going to worry, but you have my word," I say quietly.

"Is everything alright?" my mother asks and Carver quickly withdraws his arms from around his sister and he moves a respectable distance away from her.

"Yes, we are fine. I am just asking them to assist me around the house and they have agreed, so you need not worry about cooking for us, mother," I reply, looking at my siblings. They are visibly relieved, if not a bit embarrassed.

"Mother, how is father?" asks Bethany.

My mother looks away from us. "He...he is sleeping, Beth. You may go and see him if you would like to. You to, Carver and Mari, walk with me, please?"

o0o

"What is it, mother?" I ask as I open the gate allowing Mabari to run ahead of us. I give her a sidelong glance and she looks upset about something.

"Nothing, I just need to get out of the house for a while," she replies as we follow the path to the Chantry.

"I don't believe you," I murmur while I stare resolutely ahead.

"What are we going to do about Bethany and Carver's birthday?" she asks.

"I...I don't know. With father ill...I don't know," I reply.

"I want something at home. Then at least he can join us if he feels strong enough," she suggests.

"Mother, we have to do something special for them. I mean when Andy turned twenty-one we had a little celebration and when I turn twenty-one, we celebrated. We cannot let their sixteenth birthday go by without any form of celebration...It would not be fair," I point out.

"I...I know, but taking your father into consideration, we can celebrate at home. I...I don't want to move him, unless I have to and besides, he wants to be the one to present their gifts to them," she explains.

"If he is still alive-" I barely whisper.

"How can you say that, Mari?" she asks and I notice a lone tear rolling down her cheek. "How can you say that?" she asks as she wraps her arms around me.

"I...I am sorry," I reply as gently massage her back. "I know you are worried about him, but we have done what we can. All we can do make sure he is comfortable."

"I...I know, but how are you?" she asks.

"I miss Anders, Mother. As you know, he spends his evenings with father. I don't see him at all and when he does eventually come to bed, he is too exhausted to do anything," I reply.

"And he works all day as well. Would you like me to speak to him or would you rather do that?" she asks.

"How is that going to help? He is healer true to the word and I miss him," I reply.

"I can speak to him, you know. You need to spend some with each other. It is unhealthy not to," she murmurs.

"No, it is fine. I will speak to him," I whisper, pulling out of her arms. I need time to think about everything and the Chantry looks so inviting. It always provides me with some solace and solace is what I need.

"Mmm, should we go in?" she suggests as we stand by the doors leading into the Chantry.

"I would like that and you?" I ask.

"It might help me feel a bit better about things," she replies.

"Then let's go," I say. I whistle for Mabari and he runs towards me. They do not allow animals into the Chantry, but I don't care because I am breaking all the laws anyway.

We step inside and we make our way to the front where we sat down. The Chanters are reciting the Chant of Light and I find it strangely comforting.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I stare impatiently out of the window as another patient comes into my clinic. With the assistance of some of the local villagers, we refurbished an old storeroom into a clinic. It is very small, but it serves its purpose and I find it better than the Chantry. At least the Templars and Chantry Priestesses do not watch me too closely.

"What is it this time?" I ask.

"Sore stomach, Ser," he replies.

"Please lie down," I point to the makeshift cot. That also serves its purpose. Sometimes I would lie down when it was quiet and more often than not, I would think about Marian and I have been neglecting and I need to think of something to make it up to her.

"Where does it hurt?" I ask while I examine him.

"Here," he replies, pointing to his stomach and I sigh. A stomach infection is making its rounds through the village. I frown in concentration while I heal him, but my focus is not as it should be. I take a deep breath and I try again, but a feeble ball of magic emerges from my hands and it is not going to do much good.

"I'm sorry. I can't," I murmur, stumbling away from him.

"But Ser, I need your help," he calls. I take another deep breath as I lean against the wall.

"Some Lyrium would go down well," I mutter, but I don't have any. I don't want to rely on a mere potion to increase my mana pool.

"Ser is there nothing else you can give me to help with the pain?" he asks. I look at him and he is smiling at me.

"I have elfroot potion," I reply.

"You know what you problem is?" he asks as he sat up.

"Tell me," I reply as I rummage in my cupboard for the potion. I find a bottle and I gave it to him.

"You are either not getting it or you are not getting enough," he replies. I sigh and I stare out of the window once again. Marian and I had not been intimate for a few days and I feel more than a bit frustrated...

"I have been...preoccupied," I explain.

"Well, I suggest you think of a way, Ser and thank you for this. How often must I take it?" he asks.

"Mmm... Two mouthfuls twice for about three days is highly recommended," I reply.

"Thank you Ser. I hope you find a way," he says as he shuts the door behind him. I climb onto the cot and I stare up at the ceiling. I am aching for her and I need to be with her, but I would not be home for another couple of hours. I close my eyes and image after image of my beautiful Marian spins around my mind, until I feel quite dizzy. I sit up, I grab a bottle of elfroot potion, and I drink a mouthful. I smack my lips in satisfaction and as I am about to have more, my door slams open, forcing me to look up and I look up into the blazing blue eyes of my fiancée.

"Hello, love," I manage to say when she launches herself at me. My bottle shoots out of my hand and it hits the ground, shattering into a million shards of glass. She doesn't allow me to say anything, when she locks lips with me in a passionate kiss. If it weren't for the cot I am sitting on, I would have crumpled to the ground because my knees are shaking so much. I am powerless to do anything as she pushes me down, straddling me as she does so. She is about to kiss me again, when I push her away.

"Slow down, love," I say reasonably.

She glares at me. "You are not getting away with it, Anders. You work all day and then you spend the whole night watching my father. What about me, Anders? I know he is ill...And why should it prevent you from living your life when I am trying to live mine with everything going on?" she asks.

"I...Mari, I have to keep my eye on him," I try to explain, but she is not impressed.

"My mother can look after him, Anders and besides, you are not far away," she points out.

"I...I know and I am sorry," I explain.

"Sorry? Is that all you have to say about it? It is not good enough. I need time with you, even a walk by the river would work for me," she says as she scrambles off my lap. I realise she is ready to walk out, so I quickly grab her arm and she turns around to face me. My knees nearly buckle when I notice the anger, desire and passion on her beautiful face.

"Oh Mari, I am so sorry," I whisper as I gently push her against the door. "I can make it up to you now, if you would like me to," I murmur as I lightly brush my lips against hers.

"Anders, please not...here," she says as she tries to push me away, but I am not going to let her go. I press myself into her warm and inviting body and I kiss her. She doesn't reciprocate, so I run my tongue along her bottom lip, to her jawline to the hollow of her neck and I smile when I feel her pulse. It is pulsing rapidly. I gently bite down eliciting a low moan from her and I smile as I she goes slack in my arms. I move away, tracing kisses back to her jawline, to her mouth where I gently slide my tongue into her mouth eliciting another moan from her.

"Anders," she murmurs.

"Mmm?" I mumble, allowing my hands to wander and explore. I curl my hands around her buttocks and I pull her in for a snug fit and the heat she is radiating is quite something...

"Why did you come?" I ask as nuzzles her neck.

"Well, I comes because I would like to spend some time with you. Are you finished for the day?" she asks.

"Well, not for another two hours, but you are welcome to hang around," I reply.

"Anders, I want time with you...Please, love?" she asks as she skims her fingers along my chest and I tremble.

"Mmm, I suppose I could close the clinic early."

"Please because once we get home, you will no doubt want to check on my father and I want you to myself for a while," she explains.

"Oh alright," I murmur as I kiss her forehead. "Before we close, I need to clean this mess," I explain as I gently release her.

"I can help you, Anders, I don't mind," she says.

We both kneel down and we pick up the pieces of glass. She keeps eyeing me and giving me a smile and by the time, we are done, I am more than ready to take her for a walk.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

We return home after a long walk by the river and I am more than ready to climb into bed with Anders and go to sleep. I am feeling very tired and by the dark circle around his eyes, he is tired as well. As we settle ourselves in the living room, my mother comes in carrying two steaming mugs of tea.

"Is that for us?" asks Anders.

"Yes, I thought you would need it. I am pleasantly surprised when Marian just got up and left me in the Chantry," she teases.

"Mother, I thought you needed some time to think and you know I want to spend time with him," I murmur.

"I know and besides, I can look after my husband. In fact, I would rather do it if Anders didn't protest?" she asks him.

"Are you sure, Leandra?" he asks, leaning forward much to my delight because I place my hand on his back.

"Mmm, Anders you tired and you need a good night's sleep. I assure you if I need you, I will call you, but you - as the best healer in Lothering - you need to rest because so many villagers depend on you," she replies.

He yawns. "I know I am and maker knows, I need it," he says softly, leaning back in his chair. I fold my legs beneath me and I curl myself into his warmth.

"Oh Anders, look at her," she says fondly.

"Love, please don't get too comfortable. I might not have the strength to carry you to bed," he teases.

"I can't help it," I say quietly as I played with his fingers. I loved looking at his hands. They are so soft and his fingers are long, just like the rest of him.

"We should go to bed, you and me," he teases.

"I know, but I want to drink my tea first," I whisper. I catch my mother's eye and she is smiling at us, but I notice the anxiety on her face.

"How is he?" I ask softly.

"He seems to be feeling a bit better, but his headaches - I don't know," she replies.

"I wish I could help, Leandra, but I am trying," says Anders.

"Anders, I don't blame you. I know you are doing the best you can. Please may I look after him tonight? At least it will give you and Mari some time together," she says.

"You may and thank you. We do need some time together, but call me if you need anything and I think I am going to bed. Love, we can drink out tea in bed," he suggests.

"Mmm, I know. I would like that," I say, getting to my feet. I am holding his hand so he stands at the same time as me.

"Goodnight then," she says quietly.

"Andy, let us go," I say as I drag him away from her.

"Love, take it easy and besides we have to carry our cups," he points.

"I know," I say, releasing his hand. "You can bring them."

I flounce away from him and I head for my room. I breathe a sigh of relief when I walk into the relative warmth and coziness of our room. I wander to the window and I open it allowing the fresh air to blow in. I look at the stars and I wander how much longer my father is going to suffer. I could feel my throat close up. I love my father and his unending patience especially during my difficult time three years ago.

"Mmm, the stars are really beautiful tonight," Anders says softly, slipping his arms around me and I lean into him. He gives me the strength I need to get through almost anything - be it a reassuring word or a loving touch, it doesn't matter and he is never far away, even he's at his clinic. If I need him, I know where to find him, but tonight, he wants to be with me.

"So deep in thought, my love. Do share," he murmurs, tightening his arms around me.

"I'm thinking about you and my Father," I say.

"Your tea is next to the bed. I makes you a fresh cup. I also checked on him. He seems better and he is sleeping. I left your Mother with him," he says.

"Thank you. You are so sweet, I whisper and my heart swells with my love for him. "Why are you so good to me?"

"Mmm," he mumbles, nuzzling my neck. "I love you more than life itself," he replies as he slowly turns me around until we are facing each other with our foreheads just touching.

"Come to bed, Mari," he whispers as he reaches for my hands. "Come lie with me," he says, leading me to the bed. He lies down pulling me on to his chest, and he rolls with me until I am beneath him.

"I would go to the void with you, Mari," he whispers as he gently kisses me. It slowly deepens and it makes me feel slightly overwhelmed but at the same time, he is loving me as he always does. He breaks off our kiss long enough to remove our clothes.

"You are my life," he whispers. He pulls me flush against his body and his warmth radiates through me. I mould myself into his frame as he gently presses me against him.

"I have definitely missed this," he says. I start laughing at him much to his amusement.

"It has only been a few days or so, Andy, but that is not important. We are where we want to be," I murmur.

"I...I know. I have just realised how much I have missed you and the intimacy you can only give to me," he explains.

"The joys of being a healer?" I tease and he chuckles quietly.

"Oh yes. Too much time helping others and in the process forgetting about the one person I care about...It just didn't seem right," he says.

"Andy, you love what you do and the people love you in return. Sure, my Father helped them in the past, but you are very gifted in much the same way I am gifted when it comes to casting fire and ice," I tease.

"But it keeps me from you, love and I hate it. I hate every minute I am away from you, but at the same time, they need me and it feels good to help others anyway. I would never have realised it if it were not for your father," he explains. "But I think we should get some sleep. What do you think?" he asks.

"What about the tea you make for me?" I ask, suddenly remembering that there is a cup next to my bed. I gently disentangle myself out of his arms and I sit up, allowing the sheet to fall away from me.

"Oh love, now I feel cold," he teases as he eyes me up and down. I don't feel embarrassed having him look at me in that way. I enjoy it and what makes it more enjoyable is that he always becomes very flushed. I smile to myself and I reach for my cup.

"Hope you enjoy it," he teases as he watches me drink it. His tea, as far as I am concerned, is the best. He uses elfroot leaves and mint leaves, so it tasted refreshing.

"I always do, my love," I return.

"It is always makes with love," he reminds me.

"Love, I know. That is why it always tastes so good," I return.

"Ah, are you finished?" he asks when I place the cup on the sidetable. He is already pulling me into his arms again as I turn around to face him.

"Never one to be patient," I tease as I slips my arms around his neck as he presses me flush against his body.

"Oh sweet maker," I murmur once his firm chest and stomach is against mine.

"Come," he murmurs as he gently places my leg over his waist.

"So much for sleeping," I murmur when I feel his erection digging into my stomach.

"Hush," he murmurs as he kisses me. As the kiss deepens, I arch towards him eliciting a low guttural moan from him.

"Oh sweet maker," he murmurs huskily and it sent tingles down my spine. He leans closer to kiss me and his kiss is so gentle and tender..."Mmm, I love you, my sweet Marian," he whispers.

"I love you more than life itself," I say softly as I gaze into his light brown eyes.

"Mmm, I know," he murmurs, kissing me again and it is just as gentle and tender as it was a moment ago.


	63. Forever and Always Volume II Chapter 4

**Chapter 04**

_**Carver**_

I sigh; turning restlessly onto my side to stare at my sister's sleeping form in the bed next to mine. I enjoy watching her sleep because I find it strangely exciting. I reach out, but she is too far away from me. I want to snuggle with her, but we never make love at home for fear of our mother walking in. I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling. We would be celebrating our sixteenth birthday in a few days and I am going to join the army. Beth knows my intention, but she keeps on trying to convince me to change my mind, but I want to become a man. I want to fight for our country and I thought some separation between us would be a good idea. Regardless of what we told Mari, we were not so careful and I knew if we didn't get some separation, she would definitely conceive.

I sigh again because we would have to end it eventually, but whether I am willing to let her go, I am not so sure about that.

"Beth," I mumble and I let out a long sigh because I feel uncomfortable

"Carver, if I hear another sigh, I will-" she says softly.

"Oh, I am sorry. I don't mean to disturb you," I say.

"What is your problem anyway?" she asks. We are so open and honest with each other, it is beyond ridiculous.

"My problem? My problem is that-" I start saying, when she gracefully climbs out of bed. I stare at her in surprise. She has nothing on and it doesn't ease my discomfit. Her body is so soft and beautiful. I clap my hand over my mouth before I sigh again. She throws back my sheet and she runs her eyes down the length of my body. Unlike her, I only slept in shorts. I shift uncomfortably because my erection is straining painfully against my shorts. She eyes me with a lustful expression as she tentatively touches me. I remove my hand and I sigh. Her touch is making my nerves tingle wildly.

"Mmm," she mumbles as she deliberately tugs my shorts down exposing my erection...

"Oh shit," I mutter as intense pleasure sweeps through me. I clench the sheets tightly in an effort to prevent myself from moving. When I feel ready to explode, she stops and she sits next to me looking innocent, but with some satisfaction on her pretty face.

"What?" she asks.

"Do you think I am going to let you get away with it?" I ask as I pull her onto my chest. "You tease me, now I am going to tease you senseless."

I sit and I push her back against my pillows. I scramble onto her body and before she realises it, I kiss her as my hands wander. I am going to tease her until she is begging for more. I find her sensitive spot and I gently massage it.

"Carver," she moans as she tries to slip away from me. It drives her beyond wild when I touch her like that.

"No, you don't," I warn, tightening my arms around her, but then common sense prevailed. "Beth, we can't, not here," I say quietly.

"Carver, please, they won't hear us," she says softly. I gaze at her flushed expression and passionate blue eyes.

"Oh blast it," I mutter as I press my lips against her warm inviting mouth. I reach for her sensitive spot and I resume massaging her. She moves restlessly beneath me and I decide it would be best to break off our kiss before things get out of hand.

"Beth, you know I love you, but this dance - we can't continue for much longer," I whisper.

"I...I know, but I don't care," she blurts out.

"I will be joining the army and then what? What is going to happen to you?" I ask. It pains me greatly knowing that I would not be at home anymore except for the odd weekend or vacation here and there.

"I...I will manage somehow," she replies. "And besides, Mother will need my help with father. I heard Mari and Anders earlier on. I think she wants to help him in his clinic," she continues.

"How do you feel about them knowing what is going on between us?" I ask as I cup her face.

"She has suspected for a long time. It is only natural for her to tell Anders. She tells him everything anyway... And you?" she asks.

"Mixed feelings, but I am grateful for her understanding, but should she ever tell Mother, I will never forgive her," I declare. I barely tolerate my older sister and Anders for maker knows what reason. I am beginning to think that perhaps I am envious of their relationship. I always idolized her, but when he moved in with us and after clashing swords with Anders, it made me realise how weak mages really are, but as for Beth, I am deeply attracted to her. She knows how to keep my calm, but I attributed that to her gift of magic.

"You know, I can't hate you, Beth. You are my better half and I love you, but our dance-," I say softly but she places her finger on my lip.

"Make love to me, Carver, please?" she implores.

"Bethy," I murmur her childhood nickname. I lower my lips to her once again and I kiss her slowly, deeply, passionately as I relentlessly explore her body with my hands.

"It doesn't have to end, you know," she says softly as she skims her hands along the length of my back.

"Why?" I ask as I trail feather light kisses along her neck.

"You can give me a child," she whispers.

"No," I murmur, pulling away from her. She looks at me with a bewildered expression and deep hurt in her eyes.

"Why not?" she asks.

"Because we are siblings, twins, no less. We don't know what you will give birth to and I would rather not take the risk and spare you unnecessary heartache," I explain.

"But I love you," she says softly, sadly and her eyes are glistening with unshed tears.

"And I love you," I murmur I kiss her forehead. "Mmm, let me make love to you," I murmur as I kiss her nose. "Please," I implore.

"Carver," she murmurs. I press my mouth against hers seeking entrance and our tongues begin a wild dance of their own making...

* * *

><p><em><strong>Marian<strong>_

Something awakes me and I look around feeling more than a bit startled. I strain my ears hoping to hear something that could clarify what woke me up. I look around once more and then I hear it. It is a low keening cry, but not of sadness. It is a cry of deep passion and it is coming from the twin's bedroom.

"Andy-" I call, but he is already sitting up, watching me.

"Did you?" I ask.

"Yes and I can't believe it. Surely your mother heard it as well," he states.

"I...I hope not," I whisper. I grip his arm as I hear it again. I am...shocked. "What are we going to do about it?" I ask.

"Love, lie down with me. We cannot do anything and besides you promised them. You promised them," he reminds me. I allow him to pull me down with him and he wraps his arms securely around me.

"Go back to sleep," he says softly.

I sigh. "How can I? It has just added to my anxiety," I say and I feel a low rumble in his chest as he chuckles. I find myself chuckling along with him because it is ridiculous. I knew there was nothing I could do about them.

"And love, I told you, share the load. That is what couples do and just remember if you are anxious it makes me anxious," he teases.

"And I wish we could marry," I state. I could picture him rolling his eyes heavenwards.

"Not this again, my love? We will, I promise," he reassures me.

"I know, but-" I say when I hear it again, but this time it is cry of release and it sounded so intense. "I hope I don't do that during our intimate moments," I murmur.

"Oh love, you are very quiet and besides I am too busy kissing you to give you a chance," he teases.

"Shut up, Andy. Sometimes, I do...It slips out," I remind him.

"Really? I have never heard it," he returns.

"Well, that is because you are too busy crying out my name," I tease.

"Oh Mari, shut up, you little tease," he says. I turn onto my stomach only to see him blushing in the moonlight.

"Oh my, Andy," I tease. I reach out and I touch his cheek.

"Love," he warns as he reaches for my hand.

"What are you going to do?" I ask, as my eyes drift down his body.

"Love, no," he says quietly.

"Mmm, would you like something to drink? I don't think I will be able to go back to sleep now," I say as I slide off the bed. I grab my chemise and my underwear.

"Love it is only what about 4am. What will everyone think about us wandering around the house?" he asks.

"Come on, Andy. Come with me and we can sit in the living room," I reply.

"And do what?" he asks as he got out of bed. He rummages around looking for his shorts and I find them under the sheet.

"Are you looking for these?" I ask, holding them up for him to see.

He smiled. "Yes, thank you, sweetie," he says as he takes them from me. "I wonder how they ended up there?" he asks.

"They must have got lost along the way," I reply.

"You are such a tease," he says, slipping his arm around my waist. We wander into the kitchen laughing and teasing each other. I make the tea for us and we amble into the living room. Mabari is lying on the floor by our seat. We move him so that we can sit down. Amidst mild whining and huffing, Mabari moves away from us, much to our relief and he makes himself comfortable by my father's chair.

"I am going to have such a long day today," mutters Anders as I settle myself next to him. I rest my hand on his chest and I gaze up at him.

"It won't be so bad, Andy," I say softly as I skim my fingers along his chest to the waistband of his shorts.

"I...know," he says, reaching for my hand and bringing it to his lips where he kisses each finger. "Mmm," he mumbles as he kisses me full on the mouth. He releases my hand and curls his hand around the nape of my neck, and I reach for his shorts again...

* * *

><p><em><strong>Bethany<strong>_

I quietly disentangle myself out of my brother's arms much to his disappointment. I slip off the bed ignoring his mild protests and I quickly dress myself. I need to think about...us.

"Where you going, sis?" he asks and I realise our intimate moment is over.

"I need some air, brother," I reply. I feel...upset. Yes, our lovemaking had been very intense, but I want something of his and he is not willing to give me what I want. I am not looking forward to him joining the army and I am filled with trepidation. The army is not ideal because people died...people always died fighting for our country and if he died, I would be devastated, but he didn't seem to care about my feelings. I am starting to think I am only good for one thing, that on his part, he is using me to try to compensate for his envious feelings towards Mari's unique and special relationship with Anders.

"Beth, wait," Carver calls as I am about to open the bedroom door. I sigh, turning around to face him and he is getting out of bed. I let out another sigh as my eyes rest on his body. He is so strong and broad. I lean against the door. I need some support because he is so pleasing to look at, but I am not interested in engaging in any conversation with him.

"What do you want?" I ask, biting back the sob that is going to come. I love him and he is not prepared to give me what I want.

"Why...Why are you...so...so...cold?" he asks.

"You work it out for yourself, Carver," I reply.

"Sis...what is this about?" he asks.

"So no more Beth, or love or anything like that? You got what you wanted and now you are back to being my brother?" I ask.

He frowns. "You...You wanted it, Sis."

"I am not so sure anymore," I say softly, thoughtfully as I gaze pass him to the bedroom window. The sun is not even rising and it suited my mood perfectly.

"What...What do you mean, Beth? I...I don't understand," he says softly and his expression is very confused.

"Perhaps our dance is over," I reply as I turn away from him, trying my best not to cry. I reach for the doorknob, but he reaches for my hand.

"No, please don't say that. I...I need you," he whispers.

"No, you don't, Carver. I am tired of playing this game with you. I don't even know if you are serious or not. Sometimes your words sound so empty. Do you really love me?" I ask.

"Bethy, I do. You know that, but I still do not understand. I have always loved you and every moment we spend together, I cherish," he replies.

"Those are also words, Carver. If you love me as much as you claim, then you would give me something. I love you unconditionally and I have given everything to you, even my heart, but you...I...Just let me go," I whisper.

"Oh Beth...Regardless of what you may think, I love you more than I can express...Please, please come here," he says softly, opening his arms. I am tempted to go to him, but instead I open the door and I step into the passage. He is hurting. I can see it in his eyes.

"I need time to think, please?" I ask. He looks away from me, and he closes the door. I hear him cursing, and then there is silence. I am about to walk into the kitchen, when I hear him crying. My heart starts beating painfully the longer he cries. We are so bound that everything he feels, I feel deep in my heart. I force myself to walk away. I bypass the kitchen, with the intention of going into the living room, when I notice my sister

"Mari," I call as I step closer, but I come to a dead stop. She is not alone and as I watch, she tugs off his shorts, tossing them unceremoniously onto the floor. He lifts her onto his lap as she removes her chemise and he deftly removes her underwear. He lifts her slightly, guiding her onto his lap and with sighs of satisfaction; they move as one. I tear my gaze from them and I tiptoe into the kitchen. I had seen them once, making love and that was when I was thirteen. I always avoided the river if they decided to go on one of their walks, but Carver, I think he spied on them frequently. He would never admit it, but I knew he did.

I sit at the table and I bury my head in my arms. To my surprise, I don't hear them at all. That is more than I can say for myself. I had been very vocal a while ago as Carver and I reached dizzying heights of intense passion. I could not help myself. I briefly wondered if that is not why Anders and Marian are awake at this hour of the morning. I blush and I pour myself a glass of water. I drink it in one go and then I burst into tears. Regardless of what I had just told Carver, I needed him. I fly back into my room. He is sitting on his bed deep in thought and when he sees me, he gets up, and quickly wraps his arms around me.

"We can if you would like to, but you must know the risks, Beth," he says softly as he wipes away my tears.

"I...You are right, it is too risky. I just want you to love me as I love you," I whisper.

"Beth, I do. I just do not know how to express it. When I think about you, I...I feel...happy, that nothing can go wrong in this world and when we apart, all I want is to be with you," he explains. He releases me, and he reaches for my hands. "And when we make love, it is as if we are one and the same. It is so overwhelming at times. When did we surpass the line that separates brother-sister love to a love that is so deep and intense?" he asks as we settle on his bed. I quickly snuggle up to him because that is where I feel safe and secure.

"I...I don't know. Tell me how much you love me," I reply.

"Mmm, I love you to the point of no return and beyond. We... can never go back, Beth. Not after so many years," he replies.

"It has only been three years," I remind him.

He laughs. "I know, but it seems like a lifetime to me, but I have to let you go...I have to give myself a chance and you need a chance," he says softly.

"Not yet, Carver. Not until you have left. Please, my...my love," I implore. He is very surprised at that. It is the first time I have ever called him _love_. I always wanted to, but I always held back, not sure how he would react. I thought of him as my love...

"Oh Beth, you are my love. My only love..." he returns, smiling at me. "Sweet maker, I like hearing that and I like saying it...It feels...right as if you truly belong to me... Do I belong to you?" he murmurs.

"I do...Do...Do I belong to you?" I ask warily and he smiles at me again. He pulls me onto his lap and he presses his lips against mine.

"You will always belong to me," he replies and that is all that matters. At least I know his feelings are genuine.

"Now, I really think we should get some sleep. We have no choice but to help Mari around the house later," he says softly.

"May I?" I ask, indicating to his bed.

"Oh Bethany, that would please me," he replies. He moves to accommodate me. He lies behind me pulling me into his arms and I smile. I want to share the bed with him and from tonight, I would be sleeping by his side. For the moment, I don't care if my mother walks in. For a change, he is giving me what I want and that is by allowing me to sleep with him, and that makes me happy.


	64. Forever and Always Volume II Chapter 5

**Chapter 05**

_**Marian**_

_A few days_ have passed since I heard my siblings making love in the early hours of the morning and in three days, they would be celebrating their birthday and Carver had told me this morning that he would join the army soon after their birthday. I want to ask him about Beth, but my Mother walks into the kitchen and he goes outside to do his chores. They are both doing chores. Carver would see that we had enough firewood and Bethany and I saw to the cooking and cleaning.

"Mari, I must ask," my mother says and I raise my eyes to meet her grey ones.

"Ask me what?"

"The other morning at about 4am, were you and Anders...you know?" she asks.

"I don't see how that concerns you," I point out.

"I know, but I heard someone cry out. Was it you?" she asks. _Oh shit...She heard my siblings..._I lower my eyes.

"Um...," I say. I was not going to betray my siblings. I force myself to look at her and she looks rather amused.

"Oh alright, yes, it was me... Did I disturb you?" I ask.

"No, it just woke me up," she replies.

"So I did disturb you?" I ask. I could not believe I was covering for them and Carver realises it because looks embarrassed. He places the wood by the fire and he goes back outside.

"What is wrong with them?" she asks. I realise she is referring to Bethany and Carver. I notice that something is changing between them and I had yet to ask them.

"Growing pains, Mother," I reply.

"I don't remember you experiencing growing pains when you were their age," she returns.

"Mother, honestly, that was because I don't think I experienced any at that time," I say.

She smiles at me. "You experienced your growing pains when you returned from your two years at the Circle, if I remember correctly."

"I...I know and I still don't like it when we are apart, but he has to work and besides, I have decided that I will help him in the mornings for a couple of hours," I explain.

"Then why are you here? I can manage with the twin's help for a couple of hours and besides, your father...is sleeping. He appears to be feeling better, but I think that is because his headaches have subsided somewhat. They are worse at night, Mari. He spends the nights tossing and turning," she explains.

"I know. I think I should go and spend some time with him. I can always go the clinic this afternoon...Mmm, maybe I can surprise him," I say.

"I am sure he would enjoy that. You show up there, with a smile for him. I can just imagine what will happen should he be...alone," she teases.

"Mother, we don't...that often, anymore. We...cuddle most nights," I explain.

"Tell me more," she teases.

"No, I might blush," I tease.

"Come on Mari, I am your mother. You can tell me anything," she reminds me.

"Oh alright...We sleep skin to skin. We...love sleeping like that. I fit completely into his frame and he holds me close...Um sometimes, it does go further, but we cannot help it," I explain. I am looking everywhere, but at her and my cheeks are burning. I have never discussed our intimate moments with my mother before.

"I am curious...How does it feel when he makes love to you?" she asks.

"I...I don't know. It is difficult to explain. We only see and feel each other. Nothing else matters except the two of us. We rise to dizzying heights, then float down, only to rise up again until everything blends and merges into one..." I explain.

She is looking at me with a bemused expression and she is smiling at me. "It sounds as if you share something profound with your young man."

"I...It is difficult to explain..." I trail away. "I want to marry him," I inform her. I am fiddling with my engagement ring as I stare out of the window.

"Then why don't you get married? I am sure we can arrange something with the Chantry," she suggests.

I sigh. "Mother, since when are they going to conduct a wedding ceremony for two mages? I am an apostate and he will be if...father doesn't...recover..." I trail away.

"Mari, your father and I married when I was nearly full term with you. I didn't care that he was an apostate. I loved him...and I still do...I loved him so I married him. You love Anders and I think you should marry him," she says.

"I...I know... Actually, I don't know. We want to, but this law...it forbids our relationship. It didn't matter how deeply we love each other. From their point, we are committing a crime by being together and if we should have children - and we do intend having children - our children will be mages and the Chantry will do everything in its power to tear us apart, Mother," I explain.

"And do you honestly think Anders will allow that to happen? I think not, Mari. I have known him for what, three four years now and I see a man who loves you to all exclusion of everything else," she says.

"I know...I...I need to spend time with father. May we speak about this later?" I ask.

"Of course we may and Mari, we need to decide what to do for their birthday," she reminds me.

"Mother, you don't have to do anything for us. If anything, I would like to celebrate it here with father...and my sister," Carver says closing the door behind him. "After all, I will join the army shortly thereafter and maker knows when we will be together again," he continues.

"Carver, I have discussed this with you. You are not going to join the army," says my mother

"And I told you that it is something I need...I want to do," he says softly as he catches my eye. He is definitely unhappy about something.

"What do you hope to prove, Carver?" asks my mother.

"You want to know what I hope to prove, Mother? I hope to prove that I am a man capable of being someone. I cannot be that here at home. There is just too much...going on...I need to do this and I will with or without your blessing," he explains. "And if father dies, who do you think is going to take the reins?" he asks. "Because I doubt I will be allowed to, Mother. Not with Marian and Anders," he continues.

"Grow up, will you?" I blurt out. "How dare you bring Anders into this, Carver? So what if he takes the reins. He is older than me and you," I continued, folding my arms.

"Huh. He didn't seem the type to lead, Mari. Only you are capable of doing that," he says.

"Carver, please leave him out of this. What has he ever done to you?" I ask.

"He...he...Never mind. I need some air. I have done my chores for the day. Am I free to go?" he asks.

"Just get out of my sight," I reply, turning away from him in disbelief. I hear the door open and I know he had gone outside again.

"What is his story, Mari? It seems that he is very jealous of you and Anders. I wonder why?" she asks.

"I don't care," I reply.

"Go and spend time with your father. I think Beth is with him. I will prepare lunch," she suggests.

"Thank you," I say.

o0o

I step into my father's room and Beth is sitting with him. They are chatting about something. I quietly sat next to him and I reach for his hand.

"Mari," he says softly, squeezing my hand. "What were you and Carver arguing about this time?" he asks.

"He...He wants to join the army after his birthday," I reply as I catch Bethany's eye.

"Mmm, I always thought he would want to do that. I suggest you allow him to be his own man for a while," he says.

"I am not stopping him, but mother doesn't want him to go..." I say, giving my sister a meaningful glance. She quickly looks away from me, but not before I notice the pain in her eyes.

"How are you feeling? Mother says your headaches are subsiding. Are they?" I ask.

"No, they aren't, but I don't want her to worry," he replies.

"Then why be dishonest with her?" I ask.

"She has enough to worry about as it is, Mari," he explains as his eyes close.

"She is worried about you...We all are...What do I do?" I ask, choking back a sob. He is dying slowly every day. Today he looks far worse. He is gaunt and there are very dark circles around his eyes.

"You will have to be strong for the family, Mari. They are going to need it," he replies.

"But I am not ready," I say softly.

"You will be. Now if you both don't mind, I need to rest for a while," he says softly.

"But I've just got here. I...I want to be here," I say softly.

"I...I know, but I do need to rest. Please?" he asks.

"Fine," I reply, choking back my tears. I got to my feet and I bolted for the door. I slam it open and I make a beeline for the front door. Mabari barks as I fly past him and he follows me.

"Mari...Wait," Beth calls, but I ignore her. I find my way into the field behind my house and I fell to my knees. I realise that he doesn't have much time left and I only hope he would still be with us for their birthday. I feel warm arms wrap themselves around my body and it is not long until a warm sensation spreads through me. Bethany is trying to calm me down and all I do is grip her hands and I sob.

"Why him, Beth? Why our father? What did he do to deserve suffering like this?" I sob.

"I...I don't know, Sis. I just do not know. He was always so healthy. He was seldom ill...I don't know what is wrong him and not even Anders knows," she replies. _Anders...Where are you?_

"Mari, I need to speak to you," she says softly.

"What about?" I ask summoning enough willpower to stop crying.

"Carver," she replies softly.

"What about him, Sis? If you want me to speak to him about not joining the army...It is not going to work. He has decided and nothing I say is going to change his mind," I say softly.

"I love him, Mari," she says and now she is sobbing into my back. "I love him so much it hurts," she continues.

"Beth, I know you do, but he says he has to do this. What did he tell you?" I ask.

"He says we need separation. He wants to give me a chance at some normalcy without him. He...He feels we...we need to end our...dance," she replies.

"Is that why things have been...off between you?" I ask. I suddenly understood his hurt and my sister's distress. The forbidden love they share is so intense and it is slowly destroying them.

"Is it that noticeable?" she asks as she brings herself around to face me. She sits opposite me without letting go of my hands.

"Well, things are bit strained, but Beth, you do realise that he is unhappy about the whole thing?" I ask.

"Really, then why does he not tell me? We have been...intimately involved for three years, Mari. Why does he not tell me?" she asks.

"Sis, he didn't tell me. I saw it in his. I...I do think he loves you, but what you share - it is unhealthy. Can you not see what it is doing to you and Carver?" I ask softly.

"Mari, I think you have said enough," I look up and directly into Carver's eyes. He is angry and he towers over me trying to intimidate me.

"Carver, just so you are aware, I will not cover for you again," I say more out of fear for this man towering over me as if he owns me.

"What...What do you mean?" he asks, taking a few steps away from me.

"Mother heard you and Beth the other night. Be grateful I covered your arse. I will not do it again," I reply forcing myself to stand up and face him.

"Mari, please don't say that. If you tell her, I will never forgive you," he says quietly.

"And if you ever try to intimidate me again, I will do more than back down," I return.

"And use magic? You know better than to do that," he scoffs.

"Carver, leave her alone, will you? Do you really think we can ask her to cover for us all the time? It is not fair on her," Bethany says.

"But Bethy," he says, softening his voice.

"Don't _but Bethy_ me, Carver. I think she has done a marvelous job keeping our secret and besides...Carver, why don't we go for a walk?" she asks suggestively.

"Oh Beth, who taught you to flirt?" I ask.

"Sis, watching you and Anders flirt outrageously all the time was how I learnt," she replies.

"We don't flirt...We engage in light-hearted banter," I say defensively.

"It is called flirting, Mari. You can try to deny it, but it is flirting at the end of the day," she teases.

"Oh shut up," I mutter.

"Carver, walk with me," she says softly, seductively. She slips her hand into his and the delight on his face is quiet something.

"He loves you, Beth," I whisper. His face is full of love for his sister and I realise there is really no point in trying to convince them otherwise.

"Do you really, Carver?" she asks.

"Beth, come on. I told you so a few days ago or would you like to hear it again?" he asks and now he is being seductive. In front of me, she slips her arms around his neck.

"Say it again," she teases. Carver catches my eye and I realise he wants privacy, but I fold my arms.

"Please don't mind me. I would like to see for myself," I say lightly.

"Say it, Carver," Beth softly says.

I don't want to go because I want to see for myself. I want to see them interact intimately with each other. I also want to understand why they are so deeply involved as well.

"I love you, Beth with all my heart and I will always love you even when I am out fighting for our country once I have joined the army," he says softly and his tenderness surprises me. I am seeing a side of my brother that he only showed to Beth and I knew I would not be privileged to see it again.

"I love you, Beth," he whispers and he kisses her passionately. He slips his arms around her, pulling her closer and she moulds herself into his frame. From where I am standing, you can see they are part of the same whole.

I turn away from them and I call my hound. I want to go to Anders for a few hours. I am nearly at the edge of the field, when they both catch up to.

"Sis, we are going to the river for a couple of hours. Please tell mother not to worry and...I would like to thank you for being so understanding and I apologise for being such an arse," says Carver.

"I am not going home. I am going to Anders," I explain.

"Oh, that is fine. I think I did tell Mother I would be out for a while. Then don't worry about it," he says.

"And Carver, you will always be an arse," I tease.

"Shut up, Sis. See you later," he says.

"Yes, whatever," I mutter. I continue into the village while I hum to myself. Anders is not expecting to see me at his clinic today, so he will be in for a surprise and I need a break from my siblings. Their involvement is giving me a headache. I don't care what they thought. I knew it would destroy them. It is already destroying them but they are too blinded by their...love for each other to notice and I would be the one left to pick up the pieces...

* * *

><p><em><strong>Anders<strong>_

I am busy counting how many bottles of elfroot potion in my medical cupboard, when someone comes into my clinic.

"You may take a seat or lie down on the cot," I say without turning around.

"Twenty bottles left. I have to make more...I think I am going to ask my lovely Mari to make some for me when she is here this afternoon," I say more to myself than anyone else. I close the cupboard and I turn around, only to find Mari lying on the cot staring up at the ceiling. I smile, deciding that I am going to plies along with her.

"So what can I do for you?" I ask as I place my hand on forehead to check that she has no fever. On closer inspection, I realise she looks a bit pale and she looks upset.

"You don't have a fever, Mari," I say softly as I sit next to her. "So, tell me what is bothering you."

"Well, my father is growing weaker with each passing day and Bethany and Carver are coping with something," she replies.

"Look, love, I know he is growing weaker. All we can do is keep him warm and comfortable...How is your mother?" I ask.

"I think she is bearing up, but she is tired, Andy. She says she hardly sleeps because he is so restless," she replies.

"Mmm, I could give her something to help her sleep otherwise she must sleep in the twins' room," I suggest.

She gives me a horrifying look and she sits up, frowning. "Andy, do you think they are going to want that? All they want is to spend time together."

"Well, what if Leandra shares the bed with Beth?" I suggest.

"We can suggest it, but I honestly think my mother would rather stay with him," she replies.

"Love, what about moving the twins' beds into your parent's room and giving them the double bed?" I suggest.

"That will only encourage them, Anders. I think, though, they are already sharing a bed, but what if my mother walks in on them?" she asks.

"If they sleep on separate beds, then she will get some sleep, Mari," I point out.

"Anders, I didn't come here to argue the point with you. I am her because I told you I would assist you for a couple of hours, but it seems you don't need my help," she says.

"Why are you being so difficult, Mari?" I ask, exasperated.

"Anders, please don't shout at me. This whole business with Bethany and Carver has given me a headache," she replies as she lies down, closing her eyes.

"Why did you not tell me, Mari?" I ask.

"You...You didn't ask," she replies.

"Sweet maker, love, if you are not feeling well, then you must tell me," I murmur. I open my cupboard and grab a bottle of elfroot potion.

"Love, drink this," I say. She takes the glass from me and she gulps it down.

"I...Thank you," she says as lies down. I place my hands on her temples and I allow my magic to flow between us. I am concentrating so hard, that I don't notice my strength weakening until she grabs my hands.

"Anders, that is enough," she says softly. I move away from her, feeling so light-headed, I nearly stumble, but she grabs my hands.

"Andy, take it easy. You just need to sit or lie down for a while," she suggests as she leads me back to the cot. I eye the cot and I frown.

"It would be better if it were that bit bigger so that it can accommodate two adults," I murmur, without any humour.

"Mmm, I know. I lie down and you lie on top of me," she suggests. I smile at her because she is dropping a subtle hint and I am too dizzy to protest so before either of us realise it, I am on top of her looking directly into her eyes.

"Hello...How do you feel?" I ask, stroking her fringe back.

"How do you think, with you lying so comfortably on top of me?" she replies. I start laughing and I gave her a kiss.

"We can't lie this way for too long. More patients might come and if you would like to help, you can do so by making elfroot potion. My supply is running a bit low," I suggest.

She gives me a surprised look. "Since when do you tell me what to do?" she asks.

"Mari love, I am asking you. Please?" I implore.

"You should see your face, Anders. You look so cute," she teases.

"Oh love, I thought I looked more than cute," I return, smiling mischievously at her.

"Anders, you do, but you do look cute asking me so sweetly to help you," she says softly.

"I can ask again, but in my own special way," I tease.

"Mmm...What special way? I seem to have forgotten," she says as she traces her fingers along my jawline.

"Close your eyes," I reply. She sighs contently as she closes her eyes. I gently trace my fingers along her jawline, trying to memorise her, not that I don't have a memory of her, but I want to imprint her on my mind. I gently massage her cheeks and she smiles at me.

"What are-" she says softly and I place my finger on her lip.

"Hush and keep your eyes closed," I say softly.

"But-" she murmurs as I slowly remove my finger. She is already looking better. She is no longer pale. She is glowing.

"Love," I murmur as I gently kiss her. She slips her arms around me and she pulls me closer. Our kiss is no longer gentle; it is hungry and needful. It often happened this way. A simple kiss always changed into something deeper just as it is doing now. My heart is thumping loudly in my ears as the blood rushes to my cheeks and other parts of my body. I want to make love to her. I slip my arms more securely around her and I roll, forgetting that we are not at home, until I realise we are in midair. We hit the ground with a loud thump.

"Oh shit, my back," I blurt out.

"Are you...alright?" she asks. She looks bewildered, but at the same time, she wants to smile.

"I don't think anything is broken," I reply.

"Can you move?" she asks as she sits up, straddling me.

"I think so, but not right now. How can I when you are sitting so comfortably?" I ask.

"I...I can move, if you would like me to," she suggests.

"Oh no, you are not going anywhere," I say as I reach for her hands and I pull her down, onto my chest and I bury my nose in her hair. "Not yet, anyway," I continue, breathing in her scent. "Mmm," I mumble as I gently roll with her until she is beneath me. "I am not yet finished with you, my love," I murmur as I kiss her.

"Are you sure you are alright?" she asks, placing her hands on my chest.

"I will survive, don't you worry," I reply as I smile at her.

"That is good to hear. Now where are we?" she asks, drawing me towards her.

"Mmm, somewhere between a kiss and an embrace," I reply. As I am about to kiss her, the door slams open and I let out a sigh.

"Ser, please my daughter-" a man said. "Oh, I am sorry. I don't realise you are-" he continues.

"I'm sorry, love. Later?" I ask as I stand up. She sits up, looking disappointed.

"Mari, I promise, later," I reassure her as I help her to feet. She looks away from me.

"I know your patients come first...Do you mind if I hang around for a while?" she asks.

"I thought that is why you were here," I remind her.

"Go and see to your patient, Anders and I will make the potions for you," she says.

"I am really sorry," I whisper, releasing her hands.

"I know," she returns.


	65. Forever and Always Author's Note

_**Author's Note**_

To all my fans following my _Forever and Always_ series, please be advised I am no longer working on the story as it is badly written and in poor taste.

My writing has improved over the last year and I have decided to rewrite the story under another title. I will keep closely to the Dragon Age Canon Characters and it will be written from one POV only. I will more than likely write between twenty-five and thirty chapters with each chapter count being between 3500 and 4000 words only.

I have nearly completed Book One and I will more than likely start uploading chapters over the next couple of days. I have titled it _The Hawke Family Legacy. _Please look out for it.

For any of you who are interested in following my stories, I have one posted on FanFiction's sister site – Fictionpress. It is titled _The Amell Saga Book On_e and it forms part of _The Accountant Series_, I am currently working on and of course I am working on my new DA Fanfic.

Please note that it is in no way related to Dragon Age. They are stories I have created and any feedback would be welcomed, especially tips from fellow writers on ways I can improve on my writing.


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